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I give up.
Posted a week agoI think it's time for me to quit trying to do art all together.
Every time I go even to *think* about doing art, I immediately get filled with negative thoughts about myself and lack of quality. The few pieces of art I do end up releasing don't look appealing, either.
In a sea of much more skilled, experienced, and/or even just gifted artists, I am just an embarassment at best. I hadn't been able to pick up my tablet in over a month now, at least because of it.
I'm sorry to everybody. I know I keep crying wolf, but this is seriously it. I quit.
Every time I go even to *think* about doing art, I immediately get filled with negative thoughts about myself and lack of quality. The few pieces of art I do end up releasing don't look appealing, either.
In a sea of much more skilled, experienced, and/or even just gifted artists, I am just an embarassment at best. I hadn't been able to pick up my tablet in over a month now, at least because of it.
I'm sorry to everybody. I know I keep crying wolf, but this is seriously it. I quit.
Kofi
Posted 3 weeks agoHmm.. hypothetically..
Would there be a reason for me to open a Kofi?
Just curious what you guys think.
Personally, while I do like the idea of opening one, I kind of fail to see the purpose, since my art output is... not great, to say the least.
Would there be a reason for me to open a Kofi?
Just curious what you guys think.
Personally, while I do like the idea of opening one, I kind of fail to see the purpose, since my art output is... not great, to say the least.
Reflections
Posted a month agoI have more or less settled down now, and I have finished the art classes I was taking. while I'm still not pleased with the quality of my art, I've learned to overcome those thoughts, and just *draw*; these thoughts no longer affect me the way they used to, thankfully.
However, the damage that those feelings, and the actions that came from those feelings, has already been done, many times over. I can't even look into the eyes of most of my old friends now, knowing how I was like before, whether they were supportive or annoyed about it, or anything in between, or outside those boundaries. Even if things were rebuilt and rekindled, there will always be this sense of awkwardness with each interaction. I ended up shutting those bridges down for good, because honestly, I think it's for the best, not only for their sakes, but for my sake as well.
I will be working on building a new, more positive image of myself from now on. To those that stuck with me through this, amd to those that read this: thank you, from the bottom of my heart.
[Also, add me on VRChat. My username is Choogie_Woogie.]
However, the damage that those feelings, and the actions that came from those feelings, has already been done, many times over. I can't even look into the eyes of most of my old friends now, knowing how I was like before, whether they were supportive or annoyed about it, or anything in between, or outside those boundaries. Even if things were rebuilt and rekindled, there will always be this sense of awkwardness with each interaction. I ended up shutting those bridges down for good, because honestly, I think it's for the best, not only for their sakes, but for my sake as well.
I will be working on building a new, more positive image of myself from now on. To those that stuck with me through this, amd to those that read this: thank you, from the bottom of my heart.
[Also, add me on VRChat. My username is Choogie_Woogie.]
Raffle Winner
Posted a month agoCongratulations to 
GassyVictim for winning the raffle!
I will be hosting more of these in the future~
GassyVictim for winning the raffle!I will be hosting more of these in the future~
100 Watchers + Raffle!
Posted a month agoFor that, I am gonna host a raffle! To enter, just leave a comment down, and what kind of stuff you like (pertaining to raunchy kink stuffs :3)~
I'll be picking a winner this coming Sunday at midnight, PST!
Winner has been picked~
https://www.furaffinity.net/journal/11233961/
Recovering
Posted 4 months agoI think I am slowly starting to recover, mentally. Art will resume soon.
Reaching My Breaking Point
Posted 4 months agoI'm honestly strongly considering just quitting art all together. Nothing I put out is good, and/or of any merit, not to mention it takes me ages to put something out in the first place.
I don't blame you if you decide to stop following me.
I don't blame you if you decide to stop following me.
Reality Check
Posted 7 months agoI decided to scroll to the very beginning of my PMs with someone just now.
I just realized how much I have changed, and not in a good way. I've become bitter, closed off, constantly depressive, unapproachable, etc.
Back then, I was anything but that.
I feel broken. I feel like a hollow shell of my former self. I feel like my former self had shriveled up into nothingness at some point.
Those times where I felt that rush of energy? Those "WE'RE SO BACK" moments. Turns out I was never back. It was always so over, for me.
I chose to destroy bridges with friends and people, believing that I was the problem with everything. Well, in a weird, paradoxical way, I guess it became true? But not in the way I was thinking; I've become the problem BECAUSE I burned the bridges.
And with the bridges that still remain, I've raised my guard up so much that it's impossible to get anything good out of me nowadays.
I've lost my trust in people in general.
...
This was a big reality check for me.
...
...where did I go so wrong..?
...
Is this what crashing out is?
I just realized how much I have changed, and not in a good way. I've become bitter, closed off, constantly depressive, unapproachable, etc.
Back then, I was anything but that.
I feel broken. I feel like a hollow shell of my former self. I feel like my former self had shriveled up into nothingness at some point.
Those times where I felt that rush of energy? Those "WE'RE SO BACK" moments. Turns out I was never back. It was always so over, for me.
I chose to destroy bridges with friends and people, believing that I was the problem with everything. Well, in a weird, paradoxical way, I guess it became true? But not in the way I was thinking; I've become the problem BECAUSE I burned the bridges.
And with the bridges that still remain, I've raised my guard up so much that it's impossible to get anything good out of me nowadays.
I've lost my trust in people in general.
...
This was a big reality check for me.
...
...where did I go so wrong..?
...
Is this what crashing out is?
COMMISSIONS ARE OPEN
Posted 8 months agoFUCK IT
COMMISSIONS ARE OPEN
DM ME IF INTERESTED
I WILL DO THEM, AGAINST ALL ODDS
AND THIS TIME, I MEAN IT
I DON'T KNOW HOW TO PRICE MYSELF ACCORDINGLY, BUT I GUESS I'LL MAKE IT PWYW TO START OFF
For real though, I have to stop hating myself. I will open for commissions as a first step. I recognize that, despite my protests, people do want to commission me. So... fine. I'll do it. We'll see how it goes.
COMMISSIONS ARE OPEN
DM ME IF INTERESTED
I WILL DO THEM, AGAINST ALL ODDS
AND THIS TIME, I MEAN IT
I DON'T KNOW HOW TO PRICE MYSELF ACCORDINGLY, BUT I GUESS I'LL MAKE IT PWYW TO START OFF
For real though, I have to stop hating myself. I will open for commissions as a first step. I recognize that, despite my protests, people do want to commission me. So... fine. I'll do it. We'll see how it goes.
Why am I like this?
Posted 8 months agoSometimes, I scroll through the list of people who follow me, and I catch myself thinking:
"What did I even do to deserve your guys' attention?"
Then my impostor syndrome kicks in.
Screw being happy, am I right? /s
🫡
"What did I even do to deserve your guys' attention?"
Then my impostor syndrome kicks in.
Screw being happy, am I right? /s
🫡
About Commissions, Part 2
Posted 9 months agoContinuation to: https://www.furaffinity.net/journal/11063621
I'm gonna be real again
I'm probably never gonna open for commissions at this rate, and instead resort to raffles, and the odd request here and there.
I don't feel comfortable accepting any sort of payment for my art, and setting up a payment processor is a huge pain in the butt.
This decision of mine is final, my apologies to those who wanted to commission me.
I'm gonna be real again
I'm probably never gonna open for commissions at this rate, and instead resort to raffles, and the odd request here and there.
I don't feel comfortable accepting any sort of payment for my art, and setting up a payment processor is a huge pain in the butt.
This decision of mine is final, my apologies to those who wanted to commission me.
Possible Burnout
Posted 9 months agoIs it just me
Or do I feel so *drained* in terms of lewd and indulgence?
Before, I used to be able to go on for quite a while (whether it could be RP of lewd art), but now I could barely muster up a few sentences and/or a few messages, or only a lewd thought before getting absolutely exhausted.
It's frusturating, because as much as I *want* to, there is *something* stopping me, like I am hitting an invisible wall x.x
Or do I feel so *drained* in terms of lewd and indulgence?
Before, I used to be able to go on for quite a while (whether it could be RP of lewd art), but now I could barely muster up a few sentences and/or a few messages, or only a lewd thought before getting absolutely exhausted.
It's frusturating, because as much as I *want* to, there is *something* stopping me, like I am hitting an invisible wall x.x
To Be Honest, About Commissions
Posted 10 months agoI'm gonna be real with you.
Other than the fact I still don't think my art is worth being paid for (that's a whole other discussion), the reason I am weary of doing commissions for money is the fact that sending/receiving money is such a pain in the ass, especially when it comes to PayPal and stuff like that.
I wish there was an easy way of going about it without risking the funds being eradicated from your account because of one small thing.
Other than the fact I still don't think my art is worth being paid for (that's a whole other discussion), the reason I am weary of doing commissions for money is the fact that sending/receiving money is such a pain in the ass, especially when it comes to PayPal and stuff like that.
I wish there was an easy way of going about it without risking the funds being eradicated from your account because of one small thing.
Bluesky Raffle!
Posted 10 months agoHey guys, I'm doing a raffle over on bsky!
Check it out:
https://bsky.app/profile/weirdorcab...../3lgtfhqfkks2n
Check it out:
https://bsky.app/profile/weirdorcab...../3lgtfhqfkks2n
HAPPY NEW YEAR + Raffle Winner!
Posted 11 months agoHappy new year, I hope everyone will have a wonderful 2025!
Congratulations to
AdamK199, you won! I have contacted you here on FA!
Congratulations to
AdamK199, you won! I have contacted you here on FA!50+ Watchers!
Posted 11 months agoTo the 50+ of you here, thank you so much for watching me! It really warms my grotesque hear to see you all enjoy my content~
For that, I'll be hosting a raffle~
The winner will be picked on New Year's Day!
To enter, all you have to do is watch me on here, and send a comment down below~
Winner has been picked~
The winner will be picked on New Year's Day!
To enter, all you have to do is watch me on here, and send a comment down below~
Winner has been picked~
Possible YCH?
Posted 12 months agoI've been in a bit of a musky sock drone thing mood for some time now...
Would you be interested in a YCH sort of thing regarding it?
:0
Would you be interested in a YCH sort of thing regarding it?
:0
Slowing Down
Posted a year agoI feel myself beginning to slip back into self hate and self destruction.
I hate this feeling, but it's so comforting at the same time, and I hate it for that.
Art will be especially slow, my apologies.
I hate this feeling, but it's so comforting at the same time, and I hate it for that.
Art will be especially slow, my apologies.
