Don't you hate it when people ask if you're ok and its obvious you're not. Well i'm beyond the point of saying 'yeah' and giving a weak smile. I don't feel the need to live anymore. Lucky for everyone I have morals against suicide. I want to die though, and I don't know how much longer I can stand going to school and just pretending to handle it. So since I have no inspiration and no love for art anymore, i'm not going to be active on FA or any website. I'll check my stuff occasionally, but thats it. If you don't have my phone number there is probably a reason, so if you don't have it then I don't want to talk to you (even if there is a chance you do I still am not much for talking) I don't want to talk about it, I don't even want to be around people at all. I just wish it would all get better...but for now goodbye

So tommorow is my mate and I's anniversary.I'm hoping this will be the bright marker showing us into a better spot. We've been through a rough bit recently and its hopefully going to start looking up. Just normal trials of relationships I guess, if we were able to stay together through nasty things then we'd be able to stay together period. Its been hard but I love him, I hope I can spend as much time with him as possible...I don't want it to end ever, but of course it will eventually. If an actuall break up or death, or something. I just will know when it ends that I had the happiest times ever, and that I should cherish the time that I had with him. Yeah, thats how much I care...I never really have actually cared before.

Anyways, enough of the gooey stuff. I have a cold thing, my hormones are controlled by chemicals injected in me to prevent pups, there is something wrong with my eye and i'm really friggen tired. So in other words I just wish those things would get better and I just want to sleep instead of doing stuff like school. I have a crapload of homework I have yet to do from missing school a few days. I know that tommorow i'll leave it to late because i'll want to do other things. Oh yeah, going back to today, I saved a chipmunk from my cat. Its the exact same one I saved a while back, because half of its tail was stripped of meat and fur, leaving a weird little bone. Poor little critter lol, I was yelling and chasing the cat around with a spider man sheet so that when I caught it I could grab the chipmunk without being bitten. The guy at the contruction site next door looked very purplexed. Oh yeah I failed to mention I was wearing pants that were falling down and a t-shirt I could wear as a dress with no bra...not very comfortable to run around with one of those anymore lol. I sometimes wish I was still flatchested, but boobies have their uses *cough* not really. Anywho, Valaska says I write too much in my journals so I'll be quiet now lol.

Just a normal week for me, first week of youth symphony. And tommorow is the next rehersal, it seems like everything is zooming by really fast. Everything is going good, although tuesday or wednesday I accidentally ate almonds...they were in a tasty yogurt granola. It makes me very sad that I cannot eat tasty granola :( then on friday I ate macadamia nut, almonds, pecans, and walnuts. They were in a friggen sugar cookie *rants* so I had to take the dogs to the vet high on benadryl. No actually I didn't effect me till the ride home. Good thing I wasn't driving, I fell asleep and couldn't keep my eyes open even if I had wanted to.

Other than that i'm a little bit annoyed and ponderous about a certain friend. I admit I wasn't too keen on spending time with her after living together for two weeks. I think it was a little much for the both of us, maybe we weren't as similar as we had thought. She is much more energetic and needs a lot more attention it seems, and I couldn't keep up with her needs. She hurt my feelings a lot, and therefore I just wanted to rest after too much time away from home. Then her mate of a year or so broke it off between them. I didn't think it entirely unjust, he had his real reasons. They didn't get along very well, even though I know they loved eachother. For some reason I wasn't feeling very much like comforting her. After that I suppose it was guilt that I stayed away, but she's a lot different now...I think its possibly best that we are only ok friends. But then again we didn't even talk occasionally after once she came into orchestra crying. I had seen her only a few moments before laughing and it tends to make me uncomfortable when people change moods quickly (I had a very very bad boyfriend who was schizophrenic) There was probably a reasonable explaination, although she did cry when another girl hugged her ex boyfriend. I know she loved him a lot, but if it was me I would just avoid him entirely. So since I 'ignored' her she doesn't talk to me anymore. In some ways I'm irritated/hurt and in others I think its her desision what she wants to do with her life. I will not make an especial effort to hang out with someone who has made me nervous on many occasions...it just doesn't make sense.

So today was a pretty normal day.  trinity_pink_fox was at my house for the night and we had lots of fun. I didn't sleep very well though and I woke up still feeling a bit tired. I think part of it is related to allergies because they're been bugging me really bad all day. I drove into town and dropped of Trinity, and then went to my mate's house. Seems like thats my every weekend routine during the school year lol. My mate works on Saturdays landscaping so I don't get to see him, and Saturday night or Friday is when Trinity can spend the night, so it works perfect. Speaking of work I might be getting a job. I'm going to try for the pet store and if that doesn't work out Subway and Coldstone, although I really hope that I can get a job at the pet store. After this Trimester i'm qualified for a vet internship, so i'm really qualified for a job of taking care of animals. I also know the guy who owns the store so I suppose thats a plus. I watched Kingdom of Heaven for the second time today, its such a good movie. Laying down and cuddling with my mate made me feel even more tired though. I think that i'm fighting off a cold, because i've been slightly low on energy. Not that i'm ever hyperactive but i'm just lower than my norm. Its a bit annoying but hopefully i'll get better soon.

I'm going to start learning Chinese calligraphy along with Mandarin Chinese. I'm fairely excited...and I'm going to go see what brushes and stuff I can afford tommorow. Its going to be interesting to be learning two different languages at once (I am also learning to speak german, and am a basic beginner) If you speak german or chinese I would be fairely interested in practicing with you or something ^^ just message me if you wish. Other than that, at lunch I accidentally ate almonds and I had a reaction. x_x I had to drink kids benadryl which tastes nasty. When I got home I just passed out, but its really hard to sleep when there is construction right outside your window and screaming devil children up the street. I'm suprised I didn't get a call from the mother to come and babysit, since sometimes I can hear them screaming and the phone rings. I swear those are the worst kids ever not counting my youngest cousin Leo. Anywho, I think i'm fighting off a cold and its really dragging on my energy level. Also I have all these cuts in my mouth from eating cereal. I'm serious, I can't eat that shit withought having a pained mouth for a long time. Its so weird, and it really hurts all the time. I'm not very pleased about that.

Other than that, i'm finding not too much time to draw but I would like to do a trade or something with someone, because trades are a lot of fun and its the only way I can afford to get artwork from other people XD I'm really low on money at the moment, and i'm having some trouble finding a job. I'll hopefully apply soon...probably will end up working at subway x_x oh joy. Hopefully I can see if the local pet store would hire me, because I would enjoy that much more.

The only catch is that you can't ask the person who posted it anything about it!

Just read the "offense" and if you've done it, you owe that fine.

Keep going until you've read each "offense" and added up your total fine.

Title your response "My Bar Tab is$........"

You don't have to confess your answers, just the amount of your fine.

Smoked pot -- $10
Did acid -- $5
Did Ecstasy -- $15
Did cocaine -- $20
Did meth -- $25
Ever had sex at church -- $25
Woke up in the morning and did not know the person who was next to you--$40
Had sex with someone on MySpace -- $25
Had sex for money -- $100
Ever had sex with a Puerto Rican -- $20
Had sex with members of the same family -- $50
Had sex with two different people in the same day -- $50
Vandalized something -- $20
Had sex on your parents' bed -- $10
Beat up someone -- $20
Been jumped -- $10
Crossed dressed -- $10
Given money to stripper -- $25
Been in love with a stripper -- $20
Kissed some one who's name you didn't know --$10
Hit on some one of the same sex while at work-- $15
Ever drive drunk -- $20
Ever got drunk at work, or went to work while still drunk -- $50
Used toys while having sex -- $30
Got drunk, passed out and don't remember the night before -- $20
Went skinny dipping -- $5
Had sex in a pool -- $20
Kissed someone of the same sex -- $10
Had sex with someone of the same sex -- $20
Cheated on your significant other -- $10
Masturbated -- $10
Cheated on your significant other with their relative or close friend --$50
Given oral -- $5
Received oral -- $5
Given/Received oral in a car while it was moving-- $25
Stole something -- $10
Had sex with someone in jail -- $100
Spit in someone's food --$25
Made a nasty home video -- $15
Had a threesome -- $50
Had sex in the wild -- $20
Been in the same room while someone was having sex -- $25
Stole something worth over more than a hundred dollars -- $20
Had sex with someone 10 years older -- $20
Had sex with someone under 21 and you are over 27 -- $25
Been in love with two people or more at the same time -- $50
Said you love someone but didn't mean it -- $25
Went streaking -- $5
Went streaking in broad daylight -- $15
Been arrested -- $5
Spent time in jail -- $15
Played spin the bottle -- $5
Done something you regret -- $20
Had sex with your best friend -- $20
Had sex with someone you work with at work --$25
Had anal sex -- $80
Lied to your mate -- $5
Lied to your mate about the sex being good --$25
Been raped -- $500
Have raped -- $200
Had sex with some one under 16 -- $300
Had sex with a dog -- $25
Had sex with a horse -- $50
Had sex with a cat -- $75 (add $50 if you tied it up so you didn't get scratched)
Have you ever had sex in a fursuit -- $100
Have you ever had sex while your partner wore a fursuit -- $100
Been spanked by a lover -- $50
Been whipped by a lover -- $ 100
Been fisted -- $150
If you know what "CBT" stands for -- $250
Used whip cream in bed -- $25
Used handcuffs in bed -- $50
Used a whip or paddle in bed -- $75
Ever imagined the person you where having sex with was some one else -- $100
If you have had a butt plug in for more then an hour -- $75
If you ever used any vacuum cleaner attachments -- $100
Had someone come climb in your bedroom window for sex so your parents would not find out -- $100
Used a blow up doll -- $50
Drove away from a car accident you caused -- $500
Cut yourself on purpose -- $100
Cut someone else on purpose -- $150
Pissed on some one -- $10 (Add $10 if they drank it)
Been pissed on -- $15 (add $20 if you drank it)
Shit on some one -- $20 (add $25 if they ate it)
Been shit on -- $25 (add $50 if you ate it)
If you have ever been shot -- $300
Dyed your hair -- $10
Dyed your pubes -- $20
If you ever ate your own cum (vaginal fluids for females)-- $20
Smoked while having sex -- $20
Ate a sandwich while having sex -- $50
Slapped someone across the face while fucking them-- $100
If you ever shoved a candle up someone's ass and lit it-- $200
Fucked someone while they were crying-- $300
If you have ever fucked a girl on the rag -- $100
If you ate her out after -- $200
If you have sucked your own cum out of a guy's ass -- $200
If you took this test and were completely honest add -- $500
Didn't use a condom -- $50
Got an STD -- $ 25
Have an STD -- $ 100
Planned to kill some one -- $50
Killed somebody -- $1,000
Add $5 for each tattoo and piercing you have
Add $10 for each scar over an inch long that you have

Tally it up and title it..."My Bar Tab Is $...."

So I had a nightmare about my mate dying last night, and being the freak I am I worried about him when I woke up. Alas I couldn't get a hold of him and it really upset me. When I told him that I was really upset about it he got all pissed off. He didn't wait to explain that his phone didn't have reception or something, instead he got mad because I thought he had hung up the last time I tried to call him. Its hard to tell when you call your mate and say hi and then the phone just hangs up after a few seconds of silence. So it was all blown totally out porportion and we had a fight. Its a record for the amount of fights within a month *sigh* I hope its just cause he's going through a tough time and we don't get to see eachother much. Its not like fights that last over a day, and we end up agreeing on something...they take a lot of energy though. Actually we've only have had one major fight and that was a long time ago. Anywho, its almost or anniversary and then my birthday. Also we'll probably be able to have more time together and stuff, so things can only go up. It just sucked that a fight consumed most of my day. Ah the joys of love, it makes you hate it so much, but since its love you love it and can't get enough of it. I enjoy it most of the time, but sometimes I wish I wasn't so madly in love with all my close friends and my mate. I worry about them more than nessesarry and then they get mad at me for being mother like.

True or False

Q: Kissed one of your top friends?: True
Q: Been arrested?: False
Q: Kissed someone you didn't like?: True
Q: You like someone?: True
Q: Held a snake?: True
Q: Been suspended from school?: False
Q: Been fired from a job?: False
Q: Sang karaoke?: False
Q: Done something you told yourself you wouldn't?: True
Q: Laughed until you started crying?: True
Q: Caught a snowflake on your tongue?: True
Q: Kissed in the rain?: true
Q: Sang in the shower?: True
Q: Sat on a roof top?: True
Q: Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on?: false
Q. Broken a bone?: False
Q: Shaved your head?: False
Q: Played a prank on someone?: True
Q: Had/have a gym membership?: true
Q: Made a girlfriend/boyfriend cry?: True
Q: Shot a gun?: false
Q: Donated Blood?: False
Q: Had your heart broken?: True
Q: Broken someone's heart?: True

LAST PERSON....

1. You hung out with?: Zag and  trinity_pink_fox
2. Last person you texted?:  trinity_pink_fox
3. You were in a car with?: Mother
4. Went to the movies with?: don't remember
5. Went to the mall with?: prolly my mom lol
6. You talked to on the phone?: my mate's aunt
7. Made you laugh?: my dog
8. You hugged?: zag prolly
9. You cried with?: my mate

WOULD YOU RATHER...?

1. Love or be loved?: love
2. Be serious or be funny?: Funny
3. Drink whole or skim milk?: Whole
4. Die in a fire or get shot?: Be shot

MISC.

1. Sun or moon?: Moon
2. Winter or Fall?: Winter
3. Left or right?: Left
4. Sunny or rainy?: rainy
6. Where do you live?: colorado
8. Do you want to get married?: Yes
9. Do you twirl your spaghetti or cut it?: cut
10. Do You Cook?: Yes
11. Current mood?: tired, lazy

IN THE LAST 72 HOURS HAVE YOU...

1. Kissed someone?: yes
2. Sang?: Yes, lol my voice is almost gone cause of it
3. Been hugged?: yes
4. Cried?: yes
5. Like someone you can't have?: nope

Yeah I went to Smash Mouth last night and it ROCKED it was so cool I almost peed myself like thirty times. I would have to stop jumping so I wouldn't. I guess it didn't help that I drank a bunch of water before and I refuse to use outhouses but still. I got a t-shirt *does a dance* i'll post a picture of it soon. I had bunches of fun but now i'm tired x_x

but I feel a cold or something coming on >.< I felt tired and just run down all day. So i'm going to everything in my power to prevent it. Right now I have a headache and stuff x_x so hopefully when I wake up tommorow i'll feel a bit better. So for school I have to do this independent study outline that another student was supposed to email me and I have a dreading feeling he won't send it. I seriously don't want to disapoint the g.t. teacher so I think i'm going to step out of my shyness and call him to ask for him to just bring it to me on the weekend. (I'm shy about calling people and i'm really shy around new people) its due Tuesday and I want to impress the teacher because he doesn't know me well yet and i want to make a good impression.

All right enough with my nerdy-ness. Smash mouth is this weeked and i'm really excited. I hope they have t-shirts for sale cause i'm totally getting one if they do. Other than that, i'm not allowed to drive this weekend because there has been three crashes on the highway to my house -_- so that means suckage for me. I bet I can get out of it and drive anyways, i'll just be careful. Other than that i plan to fully enjoy my three day weekend *does a little dance* I have some artwork that I can upload by i've been reluctant to do so because its yiff and i've found most of the time the only reason people favorite my artwork is because its porn...and that makes me feel like the only way I can get attention to my work is by drawing stuff i'm not very comfortable with drawing. I'm ok with porn, yes I like yiff...but many of the furry fetishes make me feel uncomfortable, as well as requests for peoples characters with dapples. I will do it if it gets my art out there...but really dapples is me. I'm fine with my other characters but dapples is uncannilly like myself and I am currently in a relationship and I DON'T want to ruin it. I will do all thats in my power to keep it a happy and loving thing. He respects that art is art, so please do commision me if you'd like me to draw yiff or just normal art. Oh yeah, just so everyone knows. I'm ok with sex, sex is a normal thing, sex is good for you if its with protection and your partner doesn't have some nasty sickness. I DO have a serious problem with drugs, alchohol, stealing, violence, abuse, animal abuse, child rapists and all that stuff. I also do not support christian and mormon religions. I will always respect people, but please don't expect me to have the same beliefs as you. I enjoy having diverse friends and I don't mind hearing about how things work, but if you are a converting religion keep that to yourself. I'm a wiccan...and that doesn't change, and along with that I will never try to convince you that its better than your religion and you should switch. I will explain how it works if your curious. Thanks :3

So the school schedule is starting to settle in, and i'm getting more comfortable with being around people again...although some people still and always with bug the hell out of me. Especially people who label me 'emo' or 'goth' or something, cause i'm neither. I'm me, and I hate being associated with emos because the actuall people who follow the group are sad drama whores whom embaress me when I am associated with them. I mean, the 'emos' of our school I don't even know. They give me dirty looks and/or completely ignore me. I feel that if you're remotely different from a cheerleader slut then you are instantly and emo or a goth. I rarely ever wear all black, and I certainly don't cut myself or cry over my shoelace being untied. I'm actually one of the calmest teenagers you will ever meet.

Anyways, off of that subject..not much exciting has happened in my life. I got my shot and my arm kinda hurts. Yup...oh yeah I drew a few pictures...although i'm still not quite up to my normal production level and I find myself having trouble finishing a drawing.

Yeah, life has continued as usual...classes are going good and I would have to say I am enjoying being at school again. Other than the fact I don't get alone time with my mate, which is just part of life. Actually speaking of him we had a minor fight yesterday...it really sucked and no you don't get to know what its about. I hate how everyone wants to know exactly what happens in our little personal life. Anwho, we worked it out after long hours of calm discussion (our fights never involve yelling like most people...crying, frustration, and other normal things are there but we never lose our tempers) we figured out why and how and who and whatever else. Thats why we've been together so long for people who wonder that sort of thing. Because we work out our problems like adults. Speaking of that, I've been hearing things like people saying that I'm just staying with him because he's like my trophy. That really hurt my feelings when I heard that. Not just a little...a lot. People don't know who I really am, they shouldn't say stupid shit like that.

Anywho, I had a good day today I suppose...watched a hella funny movie called the Birdcage. I did my homework and other stuff like that. I'm really excited because this weekend Smashmouth is coming and I get to go! Yup, thats life for me right now.

[] Smoked
[] Consumed alcohol
[x] Slept in the same bed with someone of the opposite sex
[x] Slept in the same bed with someone of the same sex
[x] Kissed someone of the same sex
[x] Had sex
[x] Had someone in your room other than family
[x] Watched porn
[] Bought porn
[] Done drugs
TOTAL: 6/10

[x] Taken painkillers
[] Taken someone else's prescription medicine
[x] Lied to your parents.
[x] Lied to a friend.
[] Snuck out of the house.
[x] Done something illegal.
[x] Cut yourself.
[x] Hurt someone.
[x] Wished someone to die.
[x] Seen someone die.
TOTAL: 8/9

[x] Missed curfew
[] Stayed out all night.
[x] Eaten a carton of ice cream by yourself.
[x] Been to a therapist.
[] Been to rehab.
[x] Dyed your hair.
[] Received a ticket.
[] Been in an accident.
[] Been to a club.
[] Been to a bar.
TOTAL: 4/10

[] Been to a wild party.
[] Seen the Mardi Gras.
[] Drank more than four beers in a night.
[x] Had a spring break in Florida.
[x] Sniffed anything.
[x] Wore black nail polish.
[x] Wore arm bands.
[x] Wore t-shirts with band names.
[x] Listened to rap.
[] Own(ed) a 50 Cent CD.
TOTAL: 6/10

[x] Dressed gothic.
[x] Dressed prep.
[x] Dressed punk.
[x] Dressed grunge.
[] Stole something.
[] Been too drunk to remember anything.
[x] Blacked out.
[x] Fainted.
[x] Had a crush on a neighbor. lol I had sex with her too :P
[] Had someone sneak into your room.
TOTAL: 7/10

[] Snuck into someone else's room.
[x] Had a crush on your best friend.
[x] Been to a concert.
[x] Dry-humped someone.
[x] Been called a slut.
[x] Called someone a slut.
[] Installed speakers in your car.
[x] Broken a mirror.
[x] Showered at someone of the opposites sex's house.
[] Brushed your teeth with someone else's toothbrush.
TOTAL: 7/10

[] Consider/considered Ludacris your favorite rapper.
[x] Seen an R-rated movie in theater.
[x] Cruised the mall.
[] Skipped school.
[] Had surgery.
[x] Had an injury.
[] Gone to court.
[] Walked out of a restaurant without paying.
[x] Caught something on fire.
[x] Lied about your age.
TOTAL: 5/10

[] Owned/rented an apartment.
[] Broke the law in the police's presence.
[] Cheated on someone.
[] Got in trouble with the police.
[x] Talked to a stranger.
[x] Hugged a stranger.
[] Kissed a stranger.
[x] Rode in the car with a stranger.
[x] Been harassed.
[x] Been verbally harassed.
TOTAL: 5/10

[x] Met face-to-face with someone you met online. (it was scary)
[x] Stayed online for 12 hours straight.
[x] Talked on the phone for more than 4 hours straight.
[x] Been to a fair.
[x] Been called a bad influence.
[] Drink and drive.
[] Prank-called someone.
[x] Laid on a couch with someone of the opposite sex.
[x] Cheated on a test.
TOTAL: 7/10

******************************

Had a usual day at school blah blah blah. Chemistry is really easy, even though its supposed to be hard. So it Vet Science...Had auditions for orchestra. I really hope I beat that retarded Pat finally(a guy who's always first chair making me second) I think I did really good on my scales but I failed at the sight reading x_x which probably means he'll be first chair. I can't wait till he graduates...too bad i'll only have one year to be first chair *sigh* and thats only if someone better than me doesn't come along. Other than that I ate pizza for lunch (so exciting) thats pretty much it *nod nod*

It went well, especially now that I have a better attitude about life. My motto is 'I don't care what people think, people are stupid' it works very well. I thought it would be really hard to ignore dirty looks and stuff, but its actually quite simple. I'm at school to do better than them, so I won't let the fact they think i'm a dominatrix nose picker emo goth thing bother me. They can think what they want. Anywho, I'm in vet science and when I'm finished with the class i'll be able to intern at a vet clinic *is excited* I sometimes find that I would enjoy a career in animals better than music. Music I have to deal with people who's opinions do matter, such as asshole conductors. I'd be getting pushed around all the time by people, and if I was a vetrinarian I could start my own practice or something. I don't know, I just hate having to choose so early in life. I'd rather explore all sorts of things.

So yeah, also, I haven't been posting any new art because i'm going through one of those artist block periods. I don't feel like drawing and when I do everything I draw sucks. So hopefully i'll just perk out of it. I do have a few sketches I haven't uploaded yet that I should. Too bad I'm going to have homework and stuff now x_x

Yeah I was only gone for a day lol, I can still say I returned. Yeah, got stuffs for school. Pretty uneventful...unless you want me to ran about music stuff than yes, it was a typical trip to the city. Our motel wasn't very good...it seemed like it was a good motel that had been let run down. When we were just eating breakfast and leaving there was a police man and then a crime scene investigator in the parking lot. I wonder why :/ oh yeah on the drive home I fell asleep with my feet on the dashboard and now my back hurts and stuff. I also have a really bad headache, so I think it would be best to leave the computer alone for a while. Have fun with whatever you're going to do after reading my journal.

So I totally cleaned my room and rearanged it all by myself, because nobody else is productive enough to help me. I dropped the desk on my toe when I was moving it, but it seems fine. That toe has been through much worse *wiggles it* anywho, I almost killed the vacuum(thats a really weird spelled word) because my hair is obviously everywhere and I have pretty long hair. It wrapped around the spinny thing and everything else instead of just sucking up. It was pretty gross, you could make at least one more dapples, pink streak and all with all the hair. Its not my fault I shed on the furniture :P. Other than that, I took the dogs to the vet today, and the older one Max (he's and australian shepard/blue healer) is having hardening of his eye lenses so he's going night blind. And the younger one has some sort of weird illness thats making her go bald. We're getting the tests back in a week or so, so we'll se what we have to do. Oh yeah she also has elbow displasia...it seems pure bred dogs have more problems than mutts. She's a black lab, and one of the dumbest critters you'll ever meet.

I'm going to ABQ(nearby city) tommorow morning to get my bass fixed because a seam opened again, and the wood is expanding making the front crack(very bad problem) and also enjoying the city for a day or two. Lol yes, I live in a town that is really small...we don't have anything so its exciting to go to the city. Trader Joes here I come! *does a dance* So yup. I'm also excited for going to Smash Mouth...I really hope I get to go. Although nobody has made a move to get tickets so far -_- they better not be sold out or i'm going to cry. Aywho, I think i'm done telling you about my day.

Don't you hate it when you get really excited for something and you're being all cheerful and happy and stuff, and you go up to someone to ask them something and they say stuff like. 'why the hell are you so happy, and I can't understand I word your saying' and then 'jesus christ what brought that on' when you walk out. You feel all sad, and you're not excited anymore about whatever you were excited about. Yup...that sucks. Just happened to me.

Anywho, school starts on Monday. I need to clean and organize my room and actually go and get supplies. But I also have to bring the dogs to the vet, keep everyone in my family pleased, clean more than just my room, do the laundry, go to the store along with a whole bunch of other stuff. *kills a moth on her computer screen* not that you care or anything, just telling you. Also I feel crabby for no reason, maybe its cause I just got told of in the way of the paragraph above. *sigh* well i'm done jabbering now.

I went tubing down the river today with my mate. It was really fun ^^ We rented tubes and they didn't tell us but we weren't supposed to keep them out of the sun, so one popped o.o. So we went to get a new one and it didn't even make it in the water before it popped. That kinda sucked but they didn't make us pay for the second one. It wasn't too cold and I didn't get sunburned except a bit on my face and a random triangle on my shoulder. Thats really good for me, I usually become a lobster fox. So yup, that was pretty much my day. Now i'm really friggen tired.

Ok, so I have a question for you guys. If I made prints available of ANY picture in my entire gallery (high quality and a variety of sizes) would anyone be interested in buying them. And even if you don't have any money could someone give me an idea of which ones would be the best to take as prints to cons and so on?

I was tagged by  MandaTifa so yup

The 1st player of this starts with the topic weird habits/facts/dislikes about yourself; and people who get tagged must write in their journals about their 6 weird habits/facts/dislikes as well as state this rule clearly.

In the end, you need to choose the next 6 people to be tagged and list to their names. Don't forget to leave a comment that says you're tagged


1. I can't go pee or do anything in the bathroom if the shower curtain is closed. o.o there might be something in there. So I open it even if i'm not going to take a shower.

2. I chew on my pens till their butts fall off. Then they get all filled with spit from them being in my mouth and the next time I pick them up they pee on me cold saliva.

3. I used to only draw in crappy ball point pen. No pencil first, just right into it.

4. I can't have my bed tucked in like a normal person. I literally make a nest around myself and curl up in a tiny ball. I can't sleep very well without blankets either unless i'm cuddled up against someone.

5. I LOVE socks and underwear...alas I HATE wearing them. (don't worry I don't go commando, I just take my underwear off most of the time when I sleep or whenever I can) Even for this habit I have very few socks and a mass amount of frilly girly panties.

6. I hate my cell phone. Every time it rings it scares the shit out of me, even if its on the other side of the room. I also hate the home telephone because it fucking wakes me up early in the morning

7. I talk to a person's dog/cat/etc before I talk to them. Sometimes I don't even talk to the person and just start rambling off at their animal.

So now I have to tag a crapload of people x_x I'm not going to comment on everyones page so if they don't get the message too bad

 AmayaBunni

 LeonSarambi

 Eddily

 trinity_pink_fox

 Valaska

 vulpeschild

and the cats got in the dryer...

So yup, i have registration for school tommorow. Yay for that, I get to deal with people who are extremely annoying once again. I think thats one of my favorite things about the summer. I get to avoid all those people I hate :P So anywho, I'm actually working on the commisions I have so *does a little dance* and I finished a picture I was really proud of but nobody seems very interested in it *shrugs* thats what you get in showbiz. Lets take an overview of my day...drank some crappy tea, spent time with my mate, and then made a kinda gross dinner. Drew a bit and stuff too *nod nod* and watched some music videos. Thats it though. I've got a bit of a headache and I have to wake up early tommorow so I'd best be going. Have fun at life.

By the way commisions are OPEN requests are NOT

I'm cleaning up my room *total nightmare* so that it will be nice an organized for when school starts, cause I know I won't have time to do anything like clean while school is going on *sigh* So yeah, i've found lots of weird stuff already and i've barely scratched the surface. Also more dust than I could ever inhale but it seems I am anyways. So thats pretty much it...I got some new stuff that I need to upload you'll see pretty soon. I also dyed my hair again. I decided to be usual and just dye it pink again, and I haven't cut it like I was said I was. Its getting pretty long too, its pretty sweet. So thats it, I can't think of anything else interesting or exciting to say (not that what I have already said was either of those but thats ok)

Actually nevermind. Nothing is different, I'm kidding. Just a journal update. Had a fairely lazy day today, went to my mate's house and we played D&D amoung other things. More of what is interesting is what is coming up. I'm going to see Smash Mouth! (If you don't like the band I don't really care, I like them and I've never gone to a concert) I live in a small town ok lol. Also! I'm pretty sure i'm going to Rocky Mountain Fur Con next summer, so if you're going you should tell me. I'm thinking about getting a dealers table but i'm not quite sure yet. So thats it, oh yeah here's the link for RMFC http://www.rockymountainfurcon.org/index.php since I know you're interested now. all right, my update is done *continues to listen to Warped Tour CD*

I'm finally done with music camps! hooray! so that means i'll try to spend more time drawing and stuff. That also means I will want my friggen time alone, I had five weeks of being extremely close to people all the time, and i'm ready to just hide in my room. So thats it for now..don't know what else to add here. I was in a bad mood all day and kinda felt like crap, partly because my sleep was bad and partly because my allergies are annoying the hell out of me. I performed two peices that I want to upload here so you can listen...one I totally fucked up on and I feel so ashamed but the rest was ok. *sigh* you have no idea how tired I am right now, and my head hurts cause I went to a bar that had stupid music that was really loud after my concert. It was really dirty too >.> if you can't tell I hate bars, and by the way I had a root beer because I don't drink and never will. Sorry guys who think i'd be funny drunk, I have my reasons for never drinking it and if you don't like that then go somewhere else cause peer pressure isn't going to work on me.

Ok yeah, so whatever....get on with your lives now.

So the memorial was really really hard to go to. I cried through pretty much the whole thing and it was really miserable to see all of my friends so sad. Right afterwards I had a party with two of the same people that were at the memorial, and the mood changed pretty fast. Its weird to switch from really sad to cheerful so fast, but it made us all feel a lot better. Rather than just going home by ourselves and being mopey and stuff. We went and saw the Harry Potter movie cause I haven't seen it yet and I enjoyed it of course. When we were walking out I ran into a whole mob of people I know, it was really weird. Anywho thats pretty much it. Oh yeah, I am most likely performing a solo this week at music camp and i'll try to record it...and if I do get it recorded i'll post it on here *does a little dance* because everyone wants to listen to a double bass solo lol.

So i'm still busy with music, and this Sunday there is a memorial for my friend's sister who died. She also happened to be a friend, not the best but I am good friends (or was) with the whole family. Too bad I decided to be a bitch a while back and not be very close with them because Zag(one of the sisters) started dating my old mate, who I hated so much that you couldn't have us in the same building without us having a row. So I feel like...terribly bad because I don't even know her phone number any more. I don't know if she even knows that I got the news, and I haven't contacted her at all. So I feel like a really bad friend. And at this memorial what the hell am I supposed to do? Go up to them and give them a big ol' hug like I never purposely didn't hang out with her very much. I mean, its reasonable that I didn't want to be around her mate because we didn't get along but that isn't a reason to not really be as good of friends any more. That would be hypocritical and that makes me hate myself for being like that. Well not much I can do now, all I know is i'm kind of worried about this weekend...i'm terrible about stuff like that. I went to my dad's friend's memorial thing and I barely even knew him and it made me all sad :( it was really weird too because he had an identicle twin that was running around, so that made everyone miss him a little more.

So with all that I've been staring at a blank sketch pad forever, and not being about do draw shit. I failed and then just gave up, now the blank peice of paper is like...engulfing my mind or something so I figure I should probably give it a rest and just go to sleep. *salutes* i'll update eventually


***thanks to all the new watchers!! I know there was only three of you but it really brightening my day. for me, three more people watching my stuff is a lot. Its not like i'm blotch or anything, give me a break