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Just need to get some stuff out of my system...
Posted 14 years agoIt really is hard to talk to my Dad about stuff. Just seems to really be getting worse as time goes on. Everything that has been happening has not been going well for me. I pretty much feel sick just sitting here. Eating isn't going to help the feeling except to make my stomach stop growling. Still, back on point, I just really begin to wonder more and more if coming to New York was a bad idea.
Don't get me wrong, the place I'm at has an interesting charm of it's own. Its just living here with my Dad is what is really getting to me. Moving here was my choice and I had moved here in the prospect that he had knowledge of somewhere that I could get a job. That really did not par out very well since I've been here since June/July I think and things sometimes feel like they have just gotten worse.
Still trying to find a job. Already called places, they haven't looked at my application yet, so have to call again. Except I'm going to have to hear my Dad, again, about "seeing new people" at said jobs I applied for. THAT DOESN'T HELP ME. It does the opposite of make me want to get a job. It makes me want to curl up in a ball and block out the rest of the world. ESPECIALLY YOU!
Just another nail in the coffin is that he keeps getting on my ass about calling the foodstamp people. I thought I was going to switch from Florida to New York, so I never did my review back in August. Oh ho, bad move on my part. One I'm too afraid to tell my Dad about since he keeps telling me to call the people since "we need food; we don't have any money" and "all you do is eat" and other things that really do not push me into wanting to get things done. The desired effect is the opposite.
I even get told about how the electricity bill is over $200 and that this is somehow my fault for having two computers and leaving them on. BS. I had a whole house in Florida. I left my desktop on, the AC on, and the lights on for nearly 24/7 and the bill rarely ever went to 100.
There is the TV plugged in, the cable box, two laptops, a fan, and some lights nearly 24/7. Oh ho, don't forget Josh leaves the lights on, his TV on, his fan on, his 360, and his stereo set on. You think the bill is going to be higher just because I live here too? There are four people in this house.
I'm actually trying to be better than that. I only have my laptop and desklamp on. I don't need to put anything else on. I don't even use my fan at night. I listen to crickets now.
Hell.
To something prior, I still have to somehow explain that I don't have any money or foodstamps. Freaking hell, any money my Mom sends me, she sent $200 last month, was for ME. Not the bills here. ME. So I could buy something I needed. $100 a month. Just as he was supposed to do. Instead it was one then nothing and he ended up going through his own hell.
Damn.
I just can't talk to him and tell him. Like my Mom is sending me another $100 and she wants me to tell him, since he and my Grandmother, when she came to visit, complained about her not sending me anything for my birthday, the $100 coming is a late birthday present. Oh I'll try and tell, but chances are I'll get a look and told about how we as in "everyone" needs it.
I already spent $300 on this laptop, money I could of used for something else, all because he wanted me to be more social and come to the livingroom instead of stay a hermit in my cave. Well guess what. I do both. I'll be social and hang out, but I'll also enjoy my solitude in my room. Sometimes a whole ton better to be alone than be social.
Oh, before I do forget, since I did do my review, there is still the 30 DAY period before they tell you to call. I still have to tell him I called and that we have to WAIT FOR IT instead of calling every day and nagging at them. I know its my fault for not doing the review earlier, but with everything else, it isn't easy to explain. I still have to wait to get it. They're not just going to give it to me. They had no reason to. Almost October and my prior day to get the foodstamps is on the 8th.
I am so stressed out and sick right now. Including tears. Hyper-sensitive with social anxiety problems. So much easier to talk over the web than it is a phone. Oh it gets bad in person. Especially if I have to ask someone for something or explain it to them. Like all of the above to my Dad. Oh no am I showing him this. Too afraid to. I'm already tearing up just typing everything. I can't talk when I cry, so there is that.
I never should of lied to my Mother. I'm not happy here. I can have happy moments, but they don't seem to outweigh the bad. Everything bad always comes down to dealing with my Dad. Being unable to explain things in speech as I do through text. It just doesn't work.
I'm sometimes surprised when I can manage to relax at times to actually look content or happy or come off as that to the rare person I talk to online. Of all the people on my "buddy list" I barely speak to any of them. More like passing people I used to have small banter and role play with than actual friends. Which it does make me feel bad since those I do consider friends, I only talk to a very small portion of them. Even seem to ignore half..
Life would be so much easier if I could just open up or at least have everything simple. I've never wanted to talk to a friend or psychologist as much as I want to right now. I'd love to just get out of this house. I just don't have any money to buy something I want to give me a bit of happiness. No friends to call on the phone or go to their house. No place I know that I can just go and be out there. Just to escape and not have anything to worry about. Somewhere safe in my mind.
I miss Florida so much. I really want a hug.
No wonder some of the happiest people are good at hiding their emotional pain and just end it. Others not so much. Mine usually rides on my sleeve. Bare bones for all the world to pity or mock me for.
At least I got, well, most of everything off my chest. Isn't going to make the rest of my day any easier. Especially when he comes home.
One last note to all of this... Just because I say I'm too selfish to let go doesn't mean the horrid thought of it hasn't passed through the back of my mind.
I'm only human.
Don't get me wrong, the place I'm at has an interesting charm of it's own. Its just living here with my Dad is what is really getting to me. Moving here was my choice and I had moved here in the prospect that he had knowledge of somewhere that I could get a job. That really did not par out very well since I've been here since June/July I think and things sometimes feel like they have just gotten worse.
Still trying to find a job. Already called places, they haven't looked at my application yet, so have to call again. Except I'm going to have to hear my Dad, again, about "seeing new people" at said jobs I applied for. THAT DOESN'T HELP ME. It does the opposite of make me want to get a job. It makes me want to curl up in a ball and block out the rest of the world. ESPECIALLY YOU!
Just another nail in the coffin is that he keeps getting on my ass about calling the foodstamp people. I thought I was going to switch from Florida to New York, so I never did my review back in August. Oh ho, bad move on my part. One I'm too afraid to tell my Dad about since he keeps telling me to call the people since "we need food; we don't have any money" and "all you do is eat" and other things that really do not push me into wanting to get things done. The desired effect is the opposite.
I even get told about how the electricity bill is over $200 and that this is somehow my fault for having two computers and leaving them on. BS. I had a whole house in Florida. I left my desktop on, the AC on, and the lights on for nearly 24/7 and the bill rarely ever went to 100.
There is the TV plugged in, the cable box, two laptops, a fan, and some lights nearly 24/7. Oh ho, don't forget Josh leaves the lights on, his TV on, his fan on, his 360, and his stereo set on. You think the bill is going to be higher just because I live here too? There are four people in this house.
I'm actually trying to be better than that. I only have my laptop and desklamp on. I don't need to put anything else on. I don't even use my fan at night. I listen to crickets now.
Hell.
To something prior, I still have to somehow explain that I don't have any money or foodstamps. Freaking hell, any money my Mom sends me, she sent $200 last month, was for ME. Not the bills here. ME. So I could buy something I needed. $100 a month. Just as he was supposed to do. Instead it was one then nothing and he ended up going through his own hell.
Damn.
I just can't talk to him and tell him. Like my Mom is sending me another $100 and she wants me to tell him, since he and my Grandmother, when she came to visit, complained about her not sending me anything for my birthday, the $100 coming is a late birthday present. Oh I'll try and tell, but chances are I'll get a look and told about how we as in "everyone" needs it.
I already spent $300 on this laptop, money I could of used for something else, all because he wanted me to be more social and come to the livingroom instead of stay a hermit in my cave. Well guess what. I do both. I'll be social and hang out, but I'll also enjoy my solitude in my room. Sometimes a whole ton better to be alone than be social.
Oh, before I do forget, since I did do my review, there is still the 30 DAY period before they tell you to call. I still have to tell him I called and that we have to WAIT FOR IT instead of calling every day and nagging at them. I know its my fault for not doing the review earlier, but with everything else, it isn't easy to explain. I still have to wait to get it. They're not just going to give it to me. They had no reason to. Almost October and my prior day to get the foodstamps is on the 8th.
I am so stressed out and sick right now. Including tears. Hyper-sensitive with social anxiety problems. So much easier to talk over the web than it is a phone. Oh it gets bad in person. Especially if I have to ask someone for something or explain it to them. Like all of the above to my Dad. Oh no am I showing him this. Too afraid to. I'm already tearing up just typing everything. I can't talk when I cry, so there is that.
I never should of lied to my Mother. I'm not happy here. I can have happy moments, but they don't seem to outweigh the bad. Everything bad always comes down to dealing with my Dad. Being unable to explain things in speech as I do through text. It just doesn't work.
I'm sometimes surprised when I can manage to relax at times to actually look content or happy or come off as that to the rare person I talk to online. Of all the people on my "buddy list" I barely speak to any of them. More like passing people I used to have small banter and role play with than actual friends. Which it does make me feel bad since those I do consider friends, I only talk to a very small portion of them. Even seem to ignore half..
Life would be so much easier if I could just open up or at least have everything simple. I've never wanted to talk to a friend or psychologist as much as I want to right now. I'd love to just get out of this house. I just don't have any money to buy something I want to give me a bit of happiness. No friends to call on the phone or go to their house. No place I know that I can just go and be out there. Just to escape and not have anything to worry about. Somewhere safe in my mind.
I miss Florida so much. I really want a hug.
No wonder some of the happiest people are good at hiding their emotional pain and just end it. Others not so much. Mine usually rides on my sleeve. Bare bones for all the world to pity or mock me for.
At least I got, well, most of everything off my chest. Isn't going to make the rest of my day any easier. Especially when he comes home.
One last note to all of this... Just because I say I'm too selfish to let go doesn't mean the horrid thought of it hasn't passed through the back of my mind.
I'm only human.
Pony FA Banner - Get the popcorn!
Posted 14 years agoI don't ever care to comment on when banners show. I just know this probably is not going to end well. Do I care? Not really. I'm just not really going to enjoy deleting the onslaught of journals that are going to come because of this week-long banner.
Going to get a lot more hate than the Shark Week/Fat Bunny Week one did.
So... I'm going to sit here, watch the new episode again, and munch on some popcorn.
I think Discord sums everything up in this: http://img.ponibooru.org/_images/2c.....season_two.gif
Love and tolerate, pony people.
Going to get a lot more hate than the Shark Week/Fat Bunny Week one did.
So... I'm going to sit here, watch the new episode again, and munch on some popcorn.
I think Discord sums everything up in this: http://img.ponibooru.org/_images/2c.....season_two.gif
Love and tolerate, pony people.
Honest Opinion: Scott Adams to Men’s Rights Activists
Posted 14 years agohttp://www.feministe.us/blog/archiv.....like-children/
* Reply from a deleted journal. *
Are women so out of control of our emotions that we can't be taken seriously or put in roles of leadership?
Women usually are naturally more emotional then men. It does fall down to hormones in that situation. We, since I'm a woman I say this, can overreact and follow emotions more than a man would. Some women have no control over emotions while others have perfect control. It will fall down to a personal level rather than any group-wide level.
For me it will depend on the woman. Whether or not they have control of their emotions. I've had experience and I am overemotional. I've also had experience in being ignored in favored of someone older and male. Even if I was right in the situation. Look back years ago and I could be taken seriously and was in a leadership position.
So really just to say again, it is all down to a personal level. It is impossible to be generalized since the hormonal balances in women vary by every single one. So an overemotional woman I would not want in a leadership spot. At the same time I don't want a completely unemotional one. Takes a balance.
Does might make right?
Not at all. Women get emotional. So do men. I wouldn't trust a man in the same way as a women if they fully give in and can't control themselves.
Is the word "equality" an ignorant expectation formed from women's inability to accept their weaknesses?
Different women, different answers. In the long run... sorry ladies, but it is an ignorant statement to make. When you get down to genetics, men are better than women in a lot of ways. They are the hunters. They're built different than us. Women can not do everything a man does. Vice versa on some things.
To explain better, think about a farm. Men and women can run it. It would take more women to do a man's job. Men are built for labor. Women are not. For hard work, heavy lifting, or anything else that would require physical strength, give it to a man. For things like raising a child, leave it to women. No offense to men, but human females were built the way we are, with the emotions, to connect and deal with children better than a man could.
If something like an office job was around, working at fast food, waiter/waitress, or something that doesn't require an excess of physical labor, either gender could do well. There is where you should see equality. Something either gender could do well. If there isn't, then it could be on a personal level. That is where things get fuzzy when you get down and dirty in details.
Well that was just my view. Wrote everything as I thought it up. Right or wrong, it is just my view. I wouldn't mind being questioned on them as questions make you think more. As long as it doesn't turn into hate. Pretty sure that is the one thing not wanted.
This was interesting to dig into my own brain.
* Reply from a deleted journal. *
Are women so out of control of our emotions that we can't be taken seriously or put in roles of leadership?
Women usually are naturally more emotional then men. It does fall down to hormones in that situation. We, since I'm a woman I say this, can overreact and follow emotions more than a man would. Some women have no control over emotions while others have perfect control. It will fall down to a personal level rather than any group-wide level.
For me it will depend on the woman. Whether or not they have control of their emotions. I've had experience and I am overemotional. I've also had experience in being ignored in favored of someone older and male. Even if I was right in the situation. Look back years ago and I could be taken seriously and was in a leadership position.
So really just to say again, it is all down to a personal level. It is impossible to be generalized since the hormonal balances in women vary by every single one. So an overemotional woman I would not want in a leadership spot. At the same time I don't want a completely unemotional one. Takes a balance.
Does might make right?
Not at all. Women get emotional. So do men. I wouldn't trust a man in the same way as a women if they fully give in and can't control themselves.
Is the word "equality" an ignorant expectation formed from women's inability to accept their weaknesses?
Different women, different answers. In the long run... sorry ladies, but it is an ignorant statement to make. When you get down to genetics, men are better than women in a lot of ways. They are the hunters. They're built different than us. Women can not do everything a man does. Vice versa on some things.
To explain better, think about a farm. Men and women can run it. It would take more women to do a man's job. Men are built for labor. Women are not. For hard work, heavy lifting, or anything else that would require physical strength, give it to a man. For things like raising a child, leave it to women. No offense to men, but human females were built the way we are, with the emotions, to connect and deal with children better than a man could.
If something like an office job was around, working at fast food, waiter/waitress, or something that doesn't require an excess of physical labor, either gender could do well. There is where you should see equality. Something either gender could do well. If there isn't, then it could be on a personal level. That is where things get fuzzy when you get down and dirty in details.
Well that was just my view. Wrote everything as I thought it up. Right or wrong, it is just my view. I wouldn't mind being questioned on them as questions make you think more. As long as it doesn't turn into hate. Pretty sure that is the one thing not wanted.
This was interesting to dig into my own brain.
Five New Kittens
Posted 14 years agoThere are officially five new kittens in my household. Two orange and three black. Three boys and two girls. One of them has already been named Cheech and is a tabby and a girl. One of the black kittens will be named Shadow or Midnight.
I’m trying to think of a name for the two other black ones since the other tabby might end up as my Dad’s favorite kitten. I really was thinking of Sprocket for some reason. Might just find one of the boys to call him Ash, Creep, Creeper, or Creepshow. I have no shame in this!
Was thinking of maybe Abacus or Jehovah. Might get odd looks for those choices of names, so… Need to think of something else that would fit and wont come off as me being considered more odd than normal.
I have to see about Cocoa getting along with them. She did hiss at me twice. Guess she is unsure and did not want me coming near her. Currently she is chilling on a box in my room, but, damn. Hope she’ll get along with them eventually.
Till then I have to figure out some good names for the kittens. Certainly hoping they’ll like me once they’ve fully settled in.
Anyone have any name suggestions?
Mostly so I don't look stupid or naming one of them after a character.
I’m trying to think of a name for the two other black ones since the other tabby might end up as my Dad’s favorite kitten. I really was thinking of Sprocket for some reason. Might just find one of the boys to call him Ash, Creep, Creeper, or Creepshow. I have no shame in this!
Was thinking of maybe Abacus or Jehovah. Might get odd looks for those choices of names, so… Need to think of something else that would fit and wont come off as me being considered more odd than normal.
I have to see about Cocoa getting along with them. She did hiss at me twice. Guess she is unsure and did not want me coming near her. Currently she is chilling on a box in my room, but, damn. Hope she’ll get along with them eventually.
Till then I have to figure out some good names for the kittens. Certainly hoping they’ll like me once they’ve fully settled in.
Anyone have any name suggestions?
Mostly so I don't look stupid or naming one of them after a character.
Tumblr Locations
Posted 14 years agoBumping the last journal off my front page with some information!
Personal Blog: http://house-of-insanity.tumblr.com/
RP Blog for Ash: http://experimentash.tumblr.com/
Ask/RP Blog for the Resident Evil Merchant: http://residentevilmerchant.tumblr.com/
Now off to listen to the voices in my head!
Personal Blog: http://house-of-insanity.tumblr.com/
RP Blog for Ash: http://experimentash.tumblr.com/
Ask/RP Blog for the Resident Evil Merchant: http://residentevilmerchant.tumblr.com/
Now off to listen to the voices in my head!
I sit here underneath the shadow of mistakes I've made.
Posted 14 years agoNearly 5:30 am. Should of been sleeping nearly two hours ago. I'll be fine as I do have things to get done. Just ended up putting on some Shinedown thanks to a certain Licker; even if he is already sleeping.
Don't really know what I want to write. I haven't written much and I feel like I'm rambling. Go figure.
Actually, that's wrong. I've got things running in my head and none of them want to come out properly. I'm not even tired right now. I should sleep since I'll be up around noon again despite anything I do to actually try and sleep properly.
Thinking about digging up my favorite book series by John Ringo and reading until I pass out. Sounds like a lovely idea. Might go do that.
And, just to note, this has nothing directly to do with my prior journal.
See everyone later then.
G'night and g'afternoon, and g'morning.
Don't really know what I want to write. I haven't written much and I feel like I'm rambling. Go figure.
Actually, that's wrong. I've got things running in my head and none of them want to come out properly. I'm not even tired right now. I should sleep since I'll be up around noon again despite anything I do to actually try and sleep properly.
Thinking about digging up my favorite book series by John Ringo and reading until I pass out. Sounds like a lovely idea. Might go do that.
And, just to note, this has nothing directly to do with my prior journal.
See everyone later then.
G'night and g'afternoon, and g'morning.
Must Get Done: To-Do List
Posted 14 years agoCommission
Art Trade
Adoptable
Free Art
micki9999 chakat_Swiftrunner frostlywolf geowolf17
jade-scale 
sadakat 
tenyth 
nezukiba 
pawsthewolf 
grim-totem
sorien 
zanian 
bounce 
arroyo 
Caeron 
TiER0 
ronintendo
solarwings 
typhon 
kemosabe 
blitzsturm
Kiriban
williajf
Re-Do
grifff KascadeKrystee gamefreak1215 Bi-Ryu_Chan Tenyth sadakat Nezukiba Wolfcoin009 Tuss charlie_b techkat
Gift
Many!
Personal
F*** Ton
Art Trade
Adoptable
Free Art
micki9999 chakat_Swiftrunner frostlywolf geowolf17
jade-scale 
sadakat 
tenyth 
nezukiba 
pawsthewolf 
grim-totem
sorien 
zanian 
bounce 
arroyo 
Caeron 
TiER0 
ronintendo
solarwings 
typhon 
kemosabe 
blitzsturmKiriban
williajfRe-Do
grifff KascadeKrystee gamefreak1215 Bi-Ryu_Chan Tenyth sadakat Nezukiba Wolfcoin009 Tuss charlie_b techkat
Gift
Many!
Personal
F*** Ton
TFS DragonBall Z Kai Abridged
Posted 14 years ago
*Coughs up a lung from laughing so hard*
Minecraft, Minecraft, Minecraft!
Posted 14 years agoWell fudge.
I have a nasty habit of forgetting the IP for servers I like to hang out on. Especially when I start to have so much fun. Like finding diamond and records. It really makes me sad over that.
I kind of fell out with the owner of the first server. Mostly lost contact and got distracted really.
Second one was a friend's and he stopped paying for that.
The third, the one I was having fun on, I can't remember the IP.
had a journal of it once. I did a little Google Chrome history to remember, but, bad luck, the journal was deleted and I couldn't get the IP back. ._. I'm nervous about coming out of the blue and asking for the IP to it.
I'd give a shot at hosting my own server, but... There are things with that since I'm not a techie there and I don't know anyone who plays Minecraft. Terraria seems to work/be more popular with people that I do know.
Think I'm just going to feel sad for a bit then remember I got TooManyItems to work and can blow up entire worlds or spawn a million pigs in singleplayer if I want.
Helps a little bit.
Wonder if the brownies are ready yet.
I have a nasty habit of forgetting the IP for servers I like to hang out on. Especially when I start to have so much fun. Like finding diamond and records. It really makes me sad over that.
I kind of fell out with the owner of the first server. Mostly lost contact and got distracted really.
Second one was a friend's and he stopped paying for that.
The third, the one I was having fun on, I can't remember the IP.
had a journal of it once. I did a little Google Chrome history to remember, but, bad luck, the journal was deleted and I couldn't get the IP back. ._. I'm nervous about coming out of the blue and asking for the IP to it.I'd give a shot at hosting my own server, but... There are things with that since I'm not a techie there and I don't know anyone who plays Minecraft. Terraria seems to work/be more popular with people that I do know.
Think I'm just going to feel sad for a bit then remember I got TooManyItems to work and can blow up entire worlds or spawn a million pigs in singleplayer if I want.
Helps a little bit.
Wonder if the brownies are ready yet.
I've got a hot glue gun!
Posted 14 years agoI can get excited over that. Now I can see about working with it. Maybe even make some sock-paws or sock-hooves. Yay!
Taking a trip to Niagara Falls
Posted 14 years agoThis'll be interesting! Going to bed as soon as this journal is posted. I'm so eager!
Oh, yeah!
Thanks to everyone who wished me a Happy Birthday yesterday. Even if your not all on FA, since few FA peeps actually did. Still a big thanks to those that did.
Simple party was simple with chocolate cupcakes with Transformers on them. Yum yum.
Presents were simple, but loved. Got a Gears of War 3 shirt, a Ghostbusters shirt, and a Starcraft 2 shirt with Kerrigan fighting a Protoss.
And now, bed!
Oh, yeah!
Thanks to everyone who wished me a Happy Birthday yesterday. Even if your not all on FA, since few FA peeps actually did. Still a big thanks to those that did.
Simple party was simple with chocolate cupcakes with Transformers on them. Yum yum.
Presents were simple, but loved. Got a Gears of War 3 shirt, a Ghostbusters shirt, and a Starcraft 2 shirt with Kerrigan fighting a Protoss.
And now, bed!
Hm... Turned 24 today...
Posted 14 years agoI do feel a little bit the same and not all that different. If I don't count things from last night like lovely birthday wishes and things for the future. As well as getting stuff off my chest.
Fortunately there is a whole day ahead of me. Okay, half a day, since the 19th started at Midnight. Ehehe.
So lets see what happens!
Also... Thanks to those who gave me early birthday wishes and wishes today for it. Including my dear :senselessmusiclink: for the music.
Now off to see what the day shall bring!
Fortunately there is a whole day ahead of me. Okay, half a day, since the 19th started at Midnight. Ehehe.
So lets see what happens!
Also... Thanks to those who gave me early birthday wishes and wishes today for it. Including my dear :senselessmusiclink: for the music.
Now off to see what the day shall bring!
Music as a Birthday Gift
Posted 14 years ago
<3 
<3
She gave me a song entitled "Astronomical Eyes" and I love it.
Makes me sad and happy at the same time.
Birthdays should be a happy time... right?
Posted 14 years ago...Right?
Maybe its just my funk from yesterday that is polluting my mind. I did get a birthday with from a couple people, so that is always nice.
Blegh. Hope when I go to sleep and wake up I'll feel better.
...and get certain things off my mind that, well, have been lurking in the corner of my mind since I learned of it. Not going to tell. I'm going to be snarky, cause I'm allowed to today, because not many are actually going to ask me why.
So... Snyeh.
So, yeah, another year older... 24 this year.
Whoo... Tch.
"I don't want to be like this..."
Hollywood Undead - Diary
I'll...
Wtf was that sound?
Hopefully be happier in the morning to be a lot nicer to everyone.
For now... Birthdays, snyeh.
Maybe its just my funk from yesterday that is polluting my mind. I did get a birthday with from a couple people, so that is always nice.
Blegh. Hope when I go to sleep and wake up I'll feel better.
...and get certain things off my mind that, well, have been lurking in the corner of my mind since I learned of it. Not going to tell. I'm going to be snarky, cause I'm allowed to today, because not many are actually going to ask me why.
So... Snyeh.
So, yeah, another year older... 24 this year.
Whoo... Tch.
"I don't want to be like this..."
Hollywood Undead - Diary
I'll...
Wtf was that sound?
Hopefully be happier in the morning to be a lot nicer to everyone.
For now... Birthdays, snyeh.
My birthday is closing in...
Posted 14 years ago
._.
24 on 19
._.
Pay-What-You-Want Commissions
Posted 14 years agoLittle easier to do things this way in my personal opinion. Instead of me putting prices on the work I've done, risking under-pricing or over-pricing, I'm going to let the commissioner pick their own price for the work.
The only minimum price is $1. Cheap cheap!
The max is completely open to whatever the commissioner desires and I would do my best to fulfill my part as the artist. If I cannot, I will refund the money for what hasn't been done. Or, if the commissioner wants, do another work for the rest of the money they paid..
Sketches, inks, and color are available.
Icons, headshots, busts, and full body are available.
If the commissioner has a sketch or line-art they have done or had commissioned and wish to see it done, I will happy do that as well.
All work will be done in OpenCanvas and/or SAI.
Examples below and in gallery.
Full Body - Color - No Shading: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/5902793/ http://www.furaffinity.net/view/5783344/ http://www.furaffinity.net/view/5782918/ http://www.furaffinity.net/view/5686593/ http://www.furaffinity.net/view/5665724/
Full Body - Color - Shading: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/5674540/ http://www.furaffinity.net/view/5668100/
Full Body - Ink: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/5667727/
Full Body - Sketch: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/5726242/
Headshot - Sketch: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/5777197/ http://www.furaffinity.net/view/5673167/
Headshot - Color - Shading - No BG: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/5677340/
Color Comic: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/5747819/
Payment can come in two options.
PayPal: NyxDragon[at]hotmail.com
Steam: http://steamcommunity.com/id/Vermil.....st/?sort=price
Interested? Questions? Complaints? Leave a comment.
Commission List
Three Panel Adult Comic
The only minimum price is $1. Cheap cheap!
The max is completely open to whatever the commissioner desires and I would do my best to fulfill my part as the artist. If I cannot, I will refund the money for what hasn't been done. Or, if the commissioner wants, do another work for the rest of the money they paid..
Sketches, inks, and color are available.
Icons, headshots, busts, and full body are available.
If the commissioner has a sketch or line-art they have done or had commissioned and wish to see it done, I will happy do that as well.
All work will be done in OpenCanvas and/or SAI.
Examples below and in gallery.
Full Body - Color - No Shading: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/5902793/ http://www.furaffinity.net/view/5783344/ http://www.furaffinity.net/view/5782918/ http://www.furaffinity.net/view/5686593/ http://www.furaffinity.net/view/5665724/
Full Body - Color - Shading: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/5674540/ http://www.furaffinity.net/view/5668100/
Full Body - Ink: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/5667727/
Full Body - Sketch: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/5726242/
Headshot - Sketch: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/5777197/ http://www.furaffinity.net/view/5673167/
Headshot - Color - Shading - No BG: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/5677340/
Color Comic: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/5747819/
Payment can come in two options.
PayPal: NyxDragon[at]hotmail.com
Steam: http://steamcommunity.com/id/Vermil.....st/?sort=price
Interested? Questions? Complaints? Leave a comment.
Commission List
Three Panel Adult ComicBirthday Month - Oh boy...
Posted 14 years ago
Simple journal.
I'm turning 24 on the 19th.
Hope I at least get a cake.
I like cake.
Mmm..
4000 Kiriban
Posted 14 years ago
Simple journal.
I'll delete this if someone gets it.
Just comment if you end up catching it.
I'll try to be quick about checking.
So!
FA, Photobucket, or some other service.
Just post here if you catch it.
If no one does.
Well.
5000 comes up in another thousand.
Stephen Colbert Shouts Out to Bronies
Posted 14 years ago
http://www.equestriadaily.com/2011/.....questriaDaily+(Equestria+Daily)
This is unexpected, yet quite amusing, and can either be a good thing or a bad thing depending on your view.
Fleas in my Mt Dew?!
Posted 14 years agoThis means war!
Little bastards escaped the bombing of the house. Now its time to get some spray!
Well... tomorrow. Too late to go out and get it. Tomorrow! Tomorrow the fleas shall die!
For serious though. They really do have to die. I'm tired of just having the house bombed earlier only to have one of the fleas appear in my Mt Dew then have to drop ten more of them into the cup because they were on me and it was the only way to kill them
Damn fleas.
Little bastards escaped the bombing of the house. Now its time to get some spray!
Well... tomorrow. Too late to go out and get it. Tomorrow! Tomorrow the fleas shall die!
For serious though. They really do have to die. I'm tired of just having the house bombed earlier only to have one of the fleas appear in my Mt Dew then have to drop ten more of them into the cup because they were on me and it was the only way to kill them
Damn fleas.
WoW: Starter Edition - Free up to level 20
Posted 14 years agoSign Up: https://us.battle.net/account/creat.....4_04_bnet-mgmt
FAQ: http://us.blizzard.com/support/arti.....amp;rhtml=true
Its interesting... Though I don't play WoW at the moment. Certainly an interesting way to attract new players.
FAQ: http://us.blizzard.com/support/arti.....amp;rhtml=true
Its interesting... Though I don't play WoW at the moment. Certainly an interesting way to attract new players.
So... Um... Yeah...
Posted 14 years agoThings are better. Though I am kinda hungry. Dinner really was a major disaster. I am going to find something to munch on. Even though it kind of makes me cringe if I end up just eating chips. Bleh...
In other news, Cocoa has a sudden, and gripping, fear of the downstairs. You can't even take her down one step or she'll freak out. My Dad learned that the hard way when he tried.
There is one piece of good news. Got a text/e-mail from RPD! I am eagerly awaiting his return tomorrow for the pictures and stories from Otakon. <3
In other news, Cocoa has a sudden, and gripping, fear of the downstairs. You can't even take her down one step or she'll freak out. My Dad learned that the hard way when he tried.
There is one piece of good news. Got a text/e-mail from RPD! I am eagerly awaiting his return tomorrow for the pictures and stories from Otakon. <3
[Vent] Angry Dad is Angry
Posted 14 years agoMini vent just to get this stuff out of my head so I can try to stop worrying over this.
Anna and Gavin were over since my Dad was babysitting them, they're the kids of his girlfriend's daughter. Most of the time was fine. Gavin was just being Gavin by trying to get into everything and us, and by an extension me, making sure he didn't get himself hurt by trying to plug things into the wall sockets or stick his own fingers in there.
Dinner came and past. I blocked off the hallway with the long chair I was sitting in; though I didn't do it right, it was fine at the time. Dinner itself was very bad, just to state it. After dinner was nap time. Gavin got put down, though he didn't really sleep, but Anna was put down and she actually slept on the couch.
After awhile my Dad got Gavin to change his diaper and see if he would go back to sleep. Nope. So I was told to put my chair in the hall to keep him out. I did it wrong, but it was fine at the time. Up until I noticed Gavin grabbed my open soda from beside me. This was stupid me forgetting for a moment it was there. He tilted it and gave it to my Dad as I was turning to take/warn my Dad.. The soda ended up spelling some on the couch and my Dad. Thus is where, as they say, was the straw that broke the camel's back.
I got snapped at for leaving the can where Gavin could get it. Yelled at for having the couch the wrong way since Gavin could climb over it. My bad on misunderstanding. I wasn't told, the first time I did it, that I had left it there the wrong way. After that I was pretty much called useless. Told that the whole reason I was up here to change. This continued with being told I was still doing the same-old stuff that I had been doing down there. Pretty much told to go to my room while him growling about taking care of three two year olds; actual Anna/Gavin ages varying, but beside the point.
He continues going on, as I'm grabbing a book I was reading and moving the couch to get past myself, to say things I don't do. I don't clean, I don't do the dishes, I don't do anything. This, of course, is a lie. I've done on and off cleaning and I have done dishes. Not like I was going to try and tell him that in that mood. It never fairs well for me.
To add to the fact he asked if I had done any more applications, going on saying that they were not going to be done themselves. In my defense, excuse or not, I don't know this place as well as him. And I haven't seen any applications he apparently picked up around on the counters when I last looked.
He also asked if I had called Walmart or Wendy's. Mind you I called Monday, but he seems to of forgotten that. I can't blame him for that since he wasn't in a great mood. Accumulation and all that.
An overall unpleasant time that mostly ended with him telling me I've got a week to find a job or I'd be flying right back down to Florida. Its... not something I'm quite sure of. I know we can't exactly afford that. It was still an unpleasant threat.
I did and am currently in my room typing all of this up. As I said it was just for me to feel better and get out of the funk that he put me in. Currently things are a little better. Anna is sleeping, Dad and Gavin are playing, and Dad is a bit better now. He just needed time to calm down.
Still... the Fatman, what I and nearly everyone else calls him, is really an unpleasant guy to cross. At the same time, I feel bad when something, like my little sister Skye being unhappy, breaks his heart.
I'm getting off topic now. Least saying all of this has given me time to calm down and relax. I should probably get some stuff done. I say I should, but if I do is something completely different.
...and as I type this last sentence, Anna and Gavin are being picked up. Time to learn, eventually, if I'll end up having a decent conversation, get yelled at, or just leave the whole thing behind.
Good or bad, I'm out for now.
Anna and Gavin were over since my Dad was babysitting them, they're the kids of his girlfriend's daughter. Most of the time was fine. Gavin was just being Gavin by trying to get into everything and us, and by an extension me, making sure he didn't get himself hurt by trying to plug things into the wall sockets or stick his own fingers in there.
Dinner came and past. I blocked off the hallway with the long chair I was sitting in; though I didn't do it right, it was fine at the time. Dinner itself was very bad, just to state it. After dinner was nap time. Gavin got put down, though he didn't really sleep, but Anna was put down and she actually slept on the couch.
After awhile my Dad got Gavin to change his diaper and see if he would go back to sleep. Nope. So I was told to put my chair in the hall to keep him out. I did it wrong, but it was fine at the time. Up until I noticed Gavin grabbed my open soda from beside me. This was stupid me forgetting for a moment it was there. He tilted it and gave it to my Dad as I was turning to take/warn my Dad.. The soda ended up spelling some on the couch and my Dad. Thus is where, as they say, was the straw that broke the camel's back.
I got snapped at for leaving the can where Gavin could get it. Yelled at for having the couch the wrong way since Gavin could climb over it. My bad on misunderstanding. I wasn't told, the first time I did it, that I had left it there the wrong way. After that I was pretty much called useless. Told that the whole reason I was up here to change. This continued with being told I was still doing the same-old stuff that I had been doing down there. Pretty much told to go to my room while him growling about taking care of three two year olds; actual Anna/Gavin ages varying, but beside the point.
He continues going on, as I'm grabbing a book I was reading and moving the couch to get past myself, to say things I don't do. I don't clean, I don't do the dishes, I don't do anything. This, of course, is a lie. I've done on and off cleaning and I have done dishes. Not like I was going to try and tell him that in that mood. It never fairs well for me.
To add to the fact he asked if I had done any more applications, going on saying that they were not going to be done themselves. In my defense, excuse or not, I don't know this place as well as him. And I haven't seen any applications he apparently picked up around on the counters when I last looked.
He also asked if I had called Walmart or Wendy's. Mind you I called Monday, but he seems to of forgotten that. I can't blame him for that since he wasn't in a great mood. Accumulation and all that.
An overall unpleasant time that mostly ended with him telling me I've got a week to find a job or I'd be flying right back down to Florida. Its... not something I'm quite sure of. I know we can't exactly afford that. It was still an unpleasant threat.
I did and am currently in my room typing all of this up. As I said it was just for me to feel better and get out of the funk that he put me in. Currently things are a little better. Anna is sleeping, Dad and Gavin are playing, and Dad is a bit better now. He just needed time to calm down.
Still... the Fatman, what I and nearly everyone else calls him, is really an unpleasant guy to cross. At the same time, I feel bad when something, like my little sister Skye being unhappy, breaks his heart.
I'm getting off topic now. Least saying all of this has given me time to calm down and relax. I should probably get some stuff done. I say I should, but if I do is something completely different.
...and as I type this last sentence, Anna and Gavin are being picked up. Time to learn, eventually, if I'll end up having a decent conversation, get yelled at, or just leave the whole thing behind.
Good or bad, I'm out for now.
PONPONPON!
Posted 14 years ago
Desktops, Kiribans, and Heat Waves Oh My!
Posted 14 years agoI'm not going in order.
Heat waves, ugh. It still hasn't ended. Was supposed to star cooling off yesterday with some rain. That didn't happen. Fortunately I've been given a fan to sit in my window so at least my room wont be blistering hot. Which is very good news if I'm going to actually spend time in it for things like art.
Now that brings me to another point.
I finally got my desk out of the basement! My old mattress was removed so I've got my twin again. I actually have room in my room! So, yes, anyway, the desk is back and I was able to set up my desktop. No USB wireless for it at the moment. That is a downside. The upside is that I can start using my tablet again to get drawings done.
Maybe see if it is possible to get a Livestream up and running. Though... It may be more traditional than digital. I don't exactly know how I'd Livestream my desktop's screen while only using a laptop. This knowledge I do not have unfortunately.
However...
Kiriban!
Okay, not really a great topic change. It's past 3am and I'm mostly rambling at this point before I go to sleep.
Anyway... The 4k kiriban is coming up. Same old rules. Screen cap and drop it to me as a comment here. Just remember, photobucket or a hosting site please. FA will most likely remove your screencap if you upload it here.
Lesse... Still open for any pay-what-you-want commissions to get my rear into gear. This does include if you want me to ink or color in something of yours. So as always, drop a comment if interested or if you just got something random to say.
Oh... Before I forget, Butch the boxer, may be leaving the house. Which is good for him. He's going to a cop and his family, whom owns three acres of land. He'll be much happier there than here.
No real update on Cocoa though. Still has that desire to scratch to keep her claws trimmed down. I haven't gone to a petstore and my Dad agrees with the whole clipper trimmer with Cocoa probably not going to sit still and the risk of cutting the quick.
Anything else from my rambling mind... Working on getting a job still. Not indoors as much as I used to be; depending on things, I'm usually out of the hours for a good five plus hours just going wherever with my Dad. Really need to get back into art. Mature in the offline world for sure.
Oh.
I'm also turning 24 on August 19th. I'm getting old.
Heat waves, ugh. It still hasn't ended. Was supposed to star cooling off yesterday with some rain. That didn't happen. Fortunately I've been given a fan to sit in my window so at least my room wont be blistering hot. Which is very good news if I'm going to actually spend time in it for things like art.
Now that brings me to another point.
I finally got my desk out of the basement! My old mattress was removed so I've got my twin again. I actually have room in my room! So, yes, anyway, the desk is back and I was able to set up my desktop. No USB wireless for it at the moment. That is a downside. The upside is that I can start using my tablet again to get drawings done.
Maybe see if it is possible to get a Livestream up and running. Though... It may be more traditional than digital. I don't exactly know how I'd Livestream my desktop's screen while only using a laptop. This knowledge I do not have unfortunately.
However...
Kiriban!
Okay, not really a great topic change. It's past 3am and I'm mostly rambling at this point before I go to sleep.
Anyway... The 4k kiriban is coming up. Same old rules. Screen cap and drop it to me as a comment here. Just remember, photobucket or a hosting site please. FA will most likely remove your screencap if you upload it here.
Lesse... Still open for any pay-what-you-want commissions to get my rear into gear. This does include if you want me to ink or color in something of yours. So as always, drop a comment if interested or if you just got something random to say.
Oh... Before I forget, Butch the boxer, may be leaving the house. Which is good for him. He's going to a cop and his family, whom owns three acres of land. He'll be much happier there than here.
No real update on Cocoa though. Still has that desire to scratch to keep her claws trimmed down. I haven't gone to a petstore and my Dad agrees with the whole clipper trimmer with Cocoa probably not going to sit still and the risk of cutting the quick.
Anything else from my rambling mind... Working on getting a job still. Not indoors as much as I used to be; depending on things, I'm usually out of the hours for a good five plus hours just going wherever with my Dad. Really need to get back into art. Mature in the offline world for sure.
Oh.
I'm also turning 24 on August 19th. I'm getting old.
