Those of you who aren't noobs should know that the title of this journal alludes to a Darren Hayes song. The first track on his album Spin, to be precise... an album I am now obsessed with. I now own all three of his solo albums, the collaboration album he did with Robert Conley under the name We Are Smug, and am on track to buying the Savage Garden albums as well. Keep in mind, I don't have a Darren addiction. Addictions cause pain and tension; I'm perfectly happy with my growing collection of awesome tunes. Be aware that you have to thank for all this... his Darren love rubbed off on me in a big way, as did many other things.

Speaking of awesome tunes... I recently wrote a song that I actually LIKE. I normally hate my work, but this song... it feels like a winner. I'm hoping to continue that success with the next few that I have planned out. I think I credit this newfound talent to my technique: I write the songs in random chunks that come to mind, polish the chunks, then arrange them in an order that would make the song make sense. Maybe that's not the right way to get it done, but it works for me.

I'm actually surprised I have time for writing songs, when I have... HOMEWORK! That's right, people, I get homework too. I'm actually avoiding it right now... but it has to get done. You'd think waiting until your work is done to start rambling online is a smart idea... I'm a twisted individual. We know this by now.

So, I gotta go. 500 word essays don't just write themselves... yet. I'm still working on that technology. So long.

But I have nothing to say.

Sorry. My page views thingy hit 1111, and I had to say SOMETHING about it. Still very pissed, even more so now. And still pissed at myself, not at anyone in particular. Well, that's a lie. Strange, how my dirtbag father can turn my sadness into rage. Only he knows how to truly shatter my last nerve.

I think I may have lost it. I can't draw much these days, but I've been writing practically nonstop for the past couple of days. I'd put one of the fifteen poems I jotted down on here, but they're all bitter and depressing. If only I could translate my frustration into drawings as easily...

I actually wrote part of a song today. Yes, be shocked. It doesn't happen often. And it's coming out pretty well. I think listening to Darren Hayes lyrics helped... he knows exactly how to put words together. I aspire to be as good as him at writing, and although my first real attempt is a love song(of course), it's not half bad.

Somehow, now that I'm writing more, I can't draw... I've begun to notice that my creativity follows a cycle. When I focus on writing, I can't draw; when I focus on drawing, I can't sing; and when I focus on singing, I can't write. *facedesk*

That's all the time we have for today, folks. Expect quite a bit of bitterness in these posts for a while...

P.S. Listen to Owl City.

Urgh. For the first time since the last time, I'm mad enough to kill. True, there are people pissing me off, and even though they don't have an account on here, I have one thing to say: get over yourself. Your pathetic attempts to make me jealous or whatever, or get back at me for something I never even did are just that: pathetic. I'm more angry at myself than anything else. Angry that I'm letting anyone affect my mood. Angry that I'm never good enough for anyone on this god forsaken rock. Angry that at this time last year, I was in the same exact position, except with less experience. I'm angry that I keep accidentally pushing away the only people on my side, and get even angrier when I realize that I'm alone. I'm angry that I keep apologizing for EVERYTHING, even stuff that isn't my fault. It just feels like it is, that's how I was raised: It was beaten (literally) into my head that every damn thing that went wrong was my fault. I'm sick of it all. Truly. I want it all to end, but I'm not even considering suicide. That would make too many people happy, and I'm done pleasing you people. Things are GOING to be different this year. Things look bleak already, and the school year just started, but somehow... things will be different. I'm determined not to fall into old habits, like falling for friends, and allowing myself to be walked on. It's over, for good. There is no more room for that whiny little pussy Rene, anymore: Ryota is here, he's bitchy, and he's NOT taking shit from anyone.

Ryota out, fucktards. /rant

A random AIM chat that just transpired:

Me: I wanna visit Wilmington, North Carolina.

My friend: Why?

Me: Because that's where Dawson's Creek was shot for the first four seasons and parts of the last two.

Me: They're supposed to be in a town called Capeside, Massachussetts, which doesn't exist. Yet.

My friend: Haha. Gonna start it?

Me: Yeah. As soon as I destroy Cape Cod.

Me: I shall rebuild. And fill the town with angsty teenagers. And start filming.

Me: Cancelled, my ass. >:3

Just thought I would share this with you.

I bought my new iPod earlier, charged it, synced it(with a few minor glitches), and love this one even more than the old one! <3 I decided to name her Katsumi, after my newest character... who I draw even less than Ryota somehow. (The old one was named Axel.) Black 4th generation Nano, with enough space to fit my movies. This is the best day I've had in a while.

Still no luck on the art front. I doodle tons in school, and even got out half of a wolf yesterday, but nothing I'd bother posting here. And I keep getting dragged out right after school, so I usually have little time to work at home. Maybe I'll actually get some free time this weekend. =\

I neglected to say anything a few days ago, but I went out and bought another iTunes card so I could buy The Tension and the Spark. I LOVE that album, I keep playing Unlovable and Dublin Sky over and over. I'm not sure whether I like that one or This Delicate Thing We've Made better. Also, I might buy Spin tomorrow if I get bored. (If you have no clue what I'm talking about, I'm gonna call you a noob.)

Have I mentioned how much I hate school now? It's... boring. I hate being bored with a passion. I went to a college English course yesterday, though, and that was fairly stimulating. There might be some hope for my academic future, after all.

Also, working on the weight thing... kinda. At least I went from "I don't care" to "I care just enough to eat less." Not real progress, I know, but it's the best you'll see until I see results. (I lost three pounds last week, then gained it back in a depressed binge eating spree.)

Urgh. Also sleep deprived. It's not helping, it makes me even crabbier than usual. Also, I'm sure that falling asleep in the shower isn't a good sign. This goes on too much longer, and I might resort to chugging Nyquil at seven for a good sleep. Never done that before... might not turn out well.

Alrighty. I've said my piece, and updated the journal like I set out to do. Voldemort out, bitches. (Psst... if you don't get that, go watch A Very Potter Musical on Youtube.)

Anddddd we have a winner for the 1K contest. Everyone, congratulate , and shoot him dirty glares if you wish. I'm putting his request in a word file so I don't accidentally forget what it is that he wants. I still can't believe I got that many page views...

I'm also having trouble believing that it's already September. Like, a second ago, it was summer, and now, I have to get my shit together for school. Doctor appointments, orientation, buying books. And I still HAVE to buy a new iPod, because I need my tunes. Music is my anti-drug.

Another thing I need to prepare/save for... this anime convention thing that my friend tipped me off to. It's being held at the Jacob Javitz Center in my hometown, New York City, between the 25th and the 27th. Maybe see some of you there? Expect to see me checking out the swords, if they have them for sale this year.

I'm gonna try to dedicate more of my time to drawing than I have been recently. I've been slacking off horribly, and whenever I don't practice something, I get this horrible, "If you don't use it, you lose it" kind of feeling. And I actually DID kinda lose it... then got it back through hours of trial and error. Not going to let that happen again. At least, not willingly.

Wow, this is kind of a long one. One last thing. Once I've drawn stuff for all the people who asked for it, I MIGHT try to get a Paypal thing going and do a commission once in a while. For drawings or stories. But yeah, that MIGHT happen. I dunno. The extra money would be nice, but I'm not expecting many customers.

Okay, just wanted to get all of that out. Later guys.


P.S. Expect some very depressing submissions for a while. I messed up big time, and I'm gonna be paying for it with my livelihood for a very long time.

That's what I feel like right now. Like my life is a labyrinth. I keep making wrong turns, bumping into walls, and retracing my steps. Even when I move just one step forward, I get knocked three steps back. I don't even know what I'm looking for, anymore. I just know that I want the madness to stop. I want to be able to stay in one spot, and be able to truthfully say, "You know what? I'm happy right where I am." Unfortunately, not gonna happen. Whenever I get close, a certain SOMEONE keeps moving the spot. And all those times I could have sworn I was there, it was nothing more than an illusion.

Sick of the metaphor yet? Good, so am I. I originally started writing a new journal because -gasp- I've almost reached 1000 views! WOOOH! *random irish jig* Anyhow, since all the cool people are doing it, I'd like to propose an offer. My 1000th viewer will be given a gift. They can choose either a story(I would go for that, if I were you), or a drawing. They can note me with the specifics of either one, but they must have taken a screenshot of the 1000th view, and link me to it.

That's all for now. Smell ya later.

Yeah... Apparently, I can't leave a journal here for more than a few days. Not like I ever have anything important to say, so I can't imagine why. Oh well. I'm quite exhausted, annoyed, confused, and somehow happy. Why?... Well, if you know me well enough, just ask. Unless, of course, you are one of those who I've chosen to keep out of the loop on certain aspects of my life. Also, my damn iPod is dead! Not out of batteries dead, six feet under dead. I got it wet on the log ride at Six Flags (or Six Fags, as I call it. I wasn't that impressed by the coasters.), and now won't turn on at all. Even if I plug it into the computer. *emanating waves of grief*

Well, I keep trying to finish chapter three of Confessions, but always get nothing. I think I need to focus... there are always more than three people texting/IMing me, and it gets too hectic to keep my mind focused on any sort of plot. Oh well. Eventually... eventually, I willl get back into writing. And it will be hawt.

Drawings? Eh, trying. I'm starting to lose faith in my abilities. I had some degree of confidence before, but now, it's like I never want to commit to a project anymore. It's getting quite annoying. And, holy crap, I keep forgetting that I need to draw stuffs for people. I HAVE FAILED YOU FOR THE FIRST AND LAST TIME! *hara kiri*

Hah, kidding. I'm not dying any time soon, no matter how hard you wish for it. I'm gonna get back to staring at the open document and trying to write while various friends vie for my attention. Goodnight, buttnuggets. ^_^;

Also, before I forget... if you don't click on this, then your mother is a whore. D: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vuZeU-SjgJQ

Stolen from . For no apparent reason.

- When did you start drawing?
I used to draw a lot as a kid, but stopped after my mom threw out all 33 notebooks full of drawings. They had a storyline, too, I was very sad. And discovered I have a natural talent for singing.

- Which hand do you use for drawing?
Right hand.

- Which is easier to draw - male or female?
Female.

- Which is easier to draw - long hair or short hair?
Eh, never really tried short hair on anything but a guy.

- Is it easier to draw the head facing towards the right or the left?
To the... well, our left, their right.

- Is it easier to draw the side view of the face or the front view?
Side view.

- What do you have problems in drawing?
Hands, feet, poses, and details on the clothing. Oh, and anatomy, I fail at anatomy.

- What do you like to draw?
Anthros. I've only drawn one feral tiger, and that was back when I first got into this furry stuff.

- Are you a traditional artist or a digital artist?
I'm working toward digital, and need a LOT of work, but I can still rock a pencil.

- Where do you start drawing from?
The eye.

- What is your drawing habit that you are aware of?
I erase and redraw too many lines. if I could get it right the first time, I'd be pretty damn quick.

- Any tips for coloring/shading?
Coloring? Pick colors that go well together. Shading? PRESS HARDER, DUMBASS.

- How long does it take to finish a piece of art?
Hours, at the least. And that's if I'm concentrating.

- What music do you listen to while you draw?
Well, I usually go for songs with lyrics that I feel express what I want to draw. Or have a beat that I can draw to.

- How long does it take you to come up with an idea?
Not long. Getting it out is the problem.

- Your favorite drawing utensils?
The eraser, for sure. :3

- Your favorite color/the color that you use a lot?
I tend not to use a certain color over and over... although quite a few of my characters have blue eyes.

- Your favorite style(s)?
Umm? I dunno. I guess that personal style that everyone develops. The way an individual draws, not any particular, mainstream stlye, like pop art, or modern.

- Are you satisfied with your current art?
Nobody ever is. It's in the nature of an artist to hate what they produce.

Cool title, huh? That's the name of a song I'm gonna ~try~ to write. Anyone in the know knows that I can't write songs worth a crap, but if I take my time, it might come out well. That's my thing... I never take my time. Unless I'm drawing, in which case, it's gonna look like crap wether I take my time or not.

Blah... sorry for that random, angry journal earlier. I'm finding that maintaining a social life with certain people just isn't worth it any more. Anyone on this site is safe; I mean people who seem to enjoy making their existence known, then taking the time to get close to you, then up and leave when they think they've done enough to make sure you're gonna be hurt and confused when they go. Sorry, still bitter, let's start over.

Cool title, huh? That's the name of a song I'm gonna ~try~ to write. Anyone in the know knows that I can't write songs worth a crap, but if I take my time, it might come out well. That's my thing... I never take my time. Unless I'm drawing, in which case, it's gonna look like crap wether I take my time or not. I'd be very surprised if you actually bothered to read this paragraph.

Anyway, it would seem that me buying that Darren Hayes CD was a bad idea. I... am... hooked. Like no other. I've heard Words at least 60 times since Friday, the lyrics really get to me. For me, it's one of those songs that reflects your own life. Particularly the line, "I am so afraid of breaking what we made. It is delicate and lovely, but it's a weight above me..." Pure poetry. And so true.

Oh well. That's it for now. Time for a chocolate binge, some writing, and maybe a quick doodle if I get bored. Cheerio.

You know what I hate? I hate people who fuck with your mind. In particular... exes. This one, she decides that she wants to get back together, and I'm like, "Sure, sounds cool," and then she changes her mind like a day later. What the hell? I was NOT happy. This has been an ongoing cycle for MONTHS. Since JANUARY, people. We talk, we fall for each other, we split unexpectedly, we stop talking, then we start, and it's a very annoying, stressful pattern. I seem to attract runners. People who run from their problems, or from something they think is too good for them, or just to see who will chase them. And I'm tired of running, dammit, I'm not in the mood anymore. I want to be able to stay in one spot. I was happy earlier. I was chilling at home, blowing my nose every ten seconds, texting a girl who ran to me (for once), and then BAM! IT'S EX TIME. TIME FOR ME TO GET ALL MAD, AND MOPEY, AND THINK "HOLY SHIT WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME." FUCK. If you are female, and reading this... stop running. It really pisses us off after a while. And guys... hell. I have nothing to say to you, except know when to stop chasing. It saves a lot of time and energy... I'm an idiot, and I never give up. That is, and always will be, my downfall.

Yeah... sorry for the minimal art flow. I'd be practicing, and posting my crap here as usual... but I have no inspiration. Literally, none. And I owe a few people some art, so that's just not cool. {Sorry guys, don't kill me. D:}

No clue what happened, my brain apparently just switched out of Creativity Mode. I didn't even know that could happen. Kind of like that thing from Juno, when they were talking about being sexually active. "What, am I just gonna deactivate someday?"

On the bright side, I managed to scrounge up enough money to buy a Darren Hayes album from iTunes. Seriously, Google his ass if you don't recognize the name, he's like Justin Timberlake, but with even more talent and an Australian accent thrown in for fun. In particular, look up songs like Casey, and Bombs Up In My Face... They are true works of art.

Well, that's about it for now. I'm gonna turn my tablet on, throw on some music, and hope for the best. Konichiwa, bitches. ;3

THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:
1. Rene
2. Ryota
3. Sugar baby... don't ask.

THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU'VE HAD:
1. dark_tiger
2. dark_tiger91
3. dark_tiger_126 (Don't i have the greatest imagination?)

THREE THINGS YOU'VE DONE IN THE LAST 33 MINUTES:
1. COMPLETELY beaten the free online version of Peggle.
2. Talked to a good friend.
3. Turned up the T.V.

THREE THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. I'm a quick learner
2. I am quite open minded
3. I'm witty when I want to be

THREE THINGS YOU DISLIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. My jealousy
2. My very low self-esteem
3. Me being so anti-social

THREE PARTS OF YOUR ORIGINS:
1. French
2. Puertoa Rican
3. Native American (Iroquois?)

THREE THINGS YOU'RE AFRAID OF:
1. Midgets
2. Pogo Sticks
3. Midgets on Pogo Sticks. (If anyone gets what that is a reference to, they get a fresh baked cookie.)

THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
1. Tank top
2. Pants
3. Naruto gloves. For kicks.

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
1. Texting
2. Carbonated beverages
3. Music

THREE IMPORTANT OBJECTS:
1. My iPod
2. My phone (which BROKE! DX)
3. My wallet


THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS:
1. My Chemical Romance
2. Kiss
3. Adema

THREE WAYS TO BE HAPPY:
1. Watch the Scamnow parody video on Youtube.
2. Pop on some tunes, preferably Dublin Sky.
3. Eat.

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS AT PRESENT:
1. Umbrella (Mandy Moore version)
2. DUBLIN SKY <333 (All-time favorite)
3. Age of Aquarius

THREE NEW THINGS YOU WANT TO TRY IN THE NEXT 12 MONTHS:
1. Sleeping regular hours
2. Practicing my various artistic venues
3. Exersize

THREE THINGS YOU REGRET:
1. I
2. Regret
3. Nothing.

THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP:
1. Loyalty
2. Trust
3. Companionship... the list goes on, but they're only asking for three, and guys like me can't exacly be too picky.

THREE IMPORTANT THINGS YOU'VE GIVEN TO THE WORLD:
1. Literature?
2. Carbon dioxide?
3. Laughs?

TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE:
1. I can't rap
2. I would never have sex before the fifth date
3. I can't stand pickles

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU LIKE IN THE OPPOSITE SEX:
1. Eyes
2. Hair
3. Voice

THREE THINGS YOU JUST CAN'T DO:
1. Math
2. Be mean intentionally
3. Program a VCR

THREE THINGS YOU MISS FROM YOUR PAST:
1. Innocence
2. Getting my way with no consequences
3. Being able to listen to NSYNC without getting funny looks.

THREE GIFTS YOU WOULD LIKE TO RECEIVE:
1. Money
2. Cash
3. Dinero

THREE REASONS WHY YOU ARE WHO YOU ARE:
1. My grandma being the evil, nosy, stupid faggot bitch that she is.
2. The revelation that I could escape from this world into my art.
3. The never-ending search for happiness.

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:
1. Drawing
2. Reading
3. Cuddling ^///^

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:
1. Cuddle with anything that will stay still long enough
2. Play Guitar hero
3. Sleep?

THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING:
1. Acting/singing on Broadway
2. Voice acting
3. Flipping fries?

THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO FOR HOLIDAY:
1. Japan
2. Greece
3. Italy

THREE CARTOON CHARACTERS:
1. Bender B. Rodriguez
2. Son Goku
3. Chance Furlong aka T-Bone

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
1. Visit Japan
2. Start and maintain a functioning family
3. Leave my mark, and make sure I'm not forgotten

It's 1:30 in the morning... I've got a full tank of gas, half a container of crackers, and I'm wearing sunglasses. Anyone who gets what I tried and probably failed to reference there gets a free massage. I'm good with my hands, apparently...

Anyway, on to business... wait, I have business? Nope. I'm completely free. I have aboslutely nothing to do... except... I REALLY want to start work on Dublin Sky, and I can see clearly what I want to do with it, and what characters to use, but... I don't feel ready. I know for a fact that I need tons of practice before I can get it to come out exactly the way I want it to, and on this particular project, it will bug the hell out of me if it doesn't turn out as planned. This one is special to me.

Ergo, I need practice. Lots of it. I need to get used to using the tablet, get really good at coloring with it, and figure out how the hell get my lines to come out smoother. I've tried watching various Ustreams, but apparently, none of the greats have any special technique. They're just... good. And I'm just... a loser. Well, maybe that's harsh. I'm... loser-esque.

So, to give myself the practice I need, I would like to give some of you the opportunity to own a piece of my art, worthless as it is. I'm perfectly willing to do a bit of gift art for the first person to comment with the right answer to the following question:

Out of the original cast members of the 1996 rock opera, only two chose not to reprise their roles in the 2005 movie RENT. Which two actors were they? Full name, spelled correctly, and the full name of the characters they played. I'll throw in fancy color and a background if you can give me the reasons they decided to turn down the movie.

For most of you, cheating will be neccessary to get the answer, and that is okay. Just please, for the love of all that is good and holy, DO NOT use Wikipedia.Also, if you don't get it this time, don't worry. I'll be doing this repeatedly until I feel comfortable working with the tablet to the point where I can work on something amazing.

That is all. Goodnight, buttnuggets... and good luck.

Rules:

1) Post these rules
2) Post 8 true things about yourself
3) At the end you must tag 8 people and post their icons
4) Go to their page and send them a message saying you tagged them
5) NO TAG-BACKS


1. I care an awful lot about what people think of me, I'm just good at hiding it.

2. I have an unfortunate habit of falling for friends. Anyone I've met on here is safe, though: that only applies to people I can actually see and touch.

3. I've seen both Rent and the Lion King more times than I care to count, and can recite practically every line.

4. I am pretty much a perfectionist, and can be way too hard on myself, especially when it comes to art.

5. I'm much more social online than I am in real life. Or, WAS, I've gotten better over time.

6. Without music, my life would be dust. As cheesy and untrue as it may sound to you, music actually HAS saved my life.

7. I know more about Harry Potter than I do about American History. And I intend to keep it that way.

8. I dislike anyone who doesn't use their authority the right way, or anyone who assumes that they are better than me and tries to steer me in THEIR direction. I don't just march to the beat of my own drum, but as far as I'm concerned, there ARE no other beats, so step to your own and shut the f**k up before I smash your head into your own cymbals.

That's all... unfortunately, rules are rules, so... Feel free to ignore this, it's not like I'm gonna hunt you down if you don't do it too.

Yes, you read correctly. It's here, so I can stop rambling about how much I want it. Stay tuned for doodles.

1. ONE OF YOUR SCARS, HOW DID YOU GET IT?
Well, there's the huge one on my right arm. That came from having a hot iron dropped on it. I like how it looks, it's almost like a half-assed lightning bolt, or a map of Mexico.

2. WHAT IS ON THE WALLS IN YOUR ROOM?
Not much.

3. DO YOU SNORE, GRIND YOUR TEETH, OR TALK IN YOUR SLEEP?
Nope, just sleep.

4. WHAT TYPE OF MUSIC DO YOU LISTEN TO?
Anything good that hasn't been overplayed on the radio.

5. WHAT TIME WERE YOU BORN?
Ummm, dunno.

6. WHAT DO YOU WANT MORE THAN ANYTHING RIGHT NOW?
Good question. I guess... to not be lonely anymore.

7. WHAT DO YOU MISS?
I miss the good old days, where I had no worries, more than enough money for whatever I wanted, and free time.

8. WHAT IS YOUR MOST PRIZED POSSESSION(S)?
My Simba stuffed animal. A sign that I was a furry before I even knew what furry was.

9. HOW TALL ARE YOU?
5'11"

10. DO YOU GET CLAUSTROPHOBIC?
Not at all.

11. DO YOU GET SCARED IN THE DARK?
No, I get more alert.

12. THE LAST PERSON TO MAKE YOU CRY?
I honestly don't know. I might have made myself cry, I can do that, you know.

13. WHAT'S YOUR WORST FEAR?
Dying alone.

14. WHAT KIND OF HAIR/EYE COLOR DO YOU LIKE ON THE OPPOSITE SEX?
Red hair/green eyes.

15. WHERE CAN YOU SEE YOURSELF PROPOSING?
Hmm... I'll never tell.

16. COFFEE OR ENERGY DRINK?
Water, betch.

17. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE PIZZA TOPPING?
Cheese?

18. IF YOU COULD EAT ANYTHING RIGHT NOW, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
Waffles.

19. FAVORITE COLOR OF ALL TIME?
Red, for sure.

20. HAVE YOU EVER EATEN A GOLDFISH?
The cracker kind, yes.

21. WHAT WAS THE MOST MEANINGFUL GIFT YOU'VE EVER RECEIVED?
An adorable drawing of a hamster rubbing up on a bunny's butt. I loved it so much, that I had it copied and framed.

22. DO YOU HAVE A CRUSH?
I'm too old for crushes. I have "prospects."

23. ARE YOU DOUBLE JOINTED?
Not in the slightest.

24. FAVORITE CLOTHING BRAND?
Skullbones.

30. SAY A NUMBER FROM ONE TO A HUNDRED:
24

31. BLONDES OR BRUNETTES?
Brunettes.

32. FAVORITE QUOTE?
I'm not afraid of tomorrow, I'm only scared of myself. Feels like my insides are on fire, and I'm looking through the eyes of someone else.

33. FAVORITE PLACE?
Anywhere but home.

34. HAVE YOU BEEN OUT OF THE USA?
Nope, never.

35. YOUR WEAKNESSES?
CHOCOLATE!

36. MET ANYONE FAMOUS?
Yes and no.

37. FIRST JOB?
I... was the little guy filing things in the back at some office building a few years ago.

38. EVER DONE A PRANK CALL?
Of course.

39. DO YOU THINK EVERYONE OUT THERE HAS A SOULMATE?
I do. I just have little hope of finding mine at this point.

40. WHAT WERE YOU DOING BEFORE YOU FILLED THIS OUT?
Showering.

41. HAVE YOU EVER HAD SURGERY?
Yup, on my hand.

42. WHAT DO YOU GET COMPLIMENTED ABOUT MOST?
I dunno, I tune out compliments.

43. HAVE YOU EVER HAD BRACES?
No.

44. WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Money, dammit.

45. HOW MANY KIDS DO YOU WANT AND DO YOU KNOW THEIR NAMES?
Four at the most, and yes I do.

46. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
No way.

47. WHAT IS THE BIGGEST TURN OFF OF THE OPPOSITE SEX?
A girl that's vapid, and vain. I prefer my mates to have depth and intelligence.

48. WHAT IS ONE THING YOU LIKE(D) ABOUT HIGH SCHOOL?
Being on stage without having to go through rigorous auditions.

49. WHAT KIND OF SHAMPOO DO YOU USE?
Changes constantly.

50. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
Meh, maybe.

51. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?
Pastrami.

52. ANY BAD HABITS?
Blaming myself for everything.

53. ARE YOU A JEALOUS PERSON?
Depends.

54. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?
Probably.

55. DO YOU AGREE WITH FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS?
I've never done it, so I can't really form an opinion.

56. DO LOOKS MATTER?
It's a difficult thing to answer. I do think it matters, but not in the way most people think. I don't think you need to be beautiful to be with someone or vise versa. When someone loves you, truly loves you, they'll look past the blemishes, thinking you're beautiful no matter what.

57. HOW DO YOU RELEASE ANGER?
I don't, I bottle it up.

58.WOULD YOU RATHER GAIN 58 POUNDS OR LOSE 58 POUNDS.
LOSE.

60. WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE TOY AS A CHILD?
My Super Saiyan 3 Goku action figure.

61. HOW MANY NUMBERS ARE IN YOUR CELL PHONE?
Not in the mood to count.

62.WERE YOU A FAN OF BARNEY AS A LITTLE KID?
Hell no.

63. Do you use sarcasm?
I'm fluent in sarcasm.

64. MASHED POTATOES OR MACARONI AND CHEESE?
Mashed potatoes.

65. WHAT DO YOU LOOK FOR IN A GUY/GIRL?
Like most people, I tend to look at looks first. I prefer the emo/punk look, but it isn't exactly important. Then when it comes to personality, I just love it when they're very sweet and you can tell they care for you deeply.

66. WHAT ARE YOUR NICKNAMES?
Many, and few that I like.

67. FAVORITE SUPER POWER?
Pyrokinesis.

68. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE TV SHOW?
Dawson's Creek.

69.WHAT'S THE BEST WAY TO DEAL WITH YOUR ENEMIES?
A chainsaw.

70. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM FLAVOR?
I have way too many favorites.

71. DO YOU HAVE ALL YOUR FINGERS AND TOES?
Yup.

72. DO YOU HAVE A COMPUTER IN YOUR ROOM?
I do.

73. PLANS FOR TONIGHT?
None really.

74. WHERE DO YOU WANT TO LIVE WHEN YOU ARE OLDER?
Somewhere by a river, in the 'burbs.

75. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS?
I guess?

76. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO?
My typing.

77. LAST THING YOU DRANK?
Water.

78. LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?.
My mom?

79. THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE IN THE OPPOSITE SEX?
Face.

80. WHAT DO YOU LIKE TO DO IN YOUR SPARE TIME?
Anything that I want.

81. FAVORITE THING TO HATE?
*shrugs* Myself.

82. FAVORITE SEASON OF THE YEAR?
Winter.

83. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE TYPE OF CANDY?
Anything chocolatey.

84. HAVE YOU EVER REALLY AND TRULY HAD A BEST FRIEND?
Yes, I have.

85. FAVORITE HAIR COLOR?
Black, with red streaks.

86. EYE COLOR?
Green.

87. SHOE SIZE?
Twelve.

88. FAVORITE FAST FOOD PLACE?
Wendy's.

89. FAVORITE RESTAURANT?
IHOP.

90. DO YOU LIKE SUSHI?
I luff it.

91. WATCH TV TODAY?
Not yet.

92. FAVORITE DAY OF THE YEAR?
Any day but Valentine's Day.

93. PLAY ANY MUSICAL INSTRUMENTS?
Kinda.

94. REPUBLICAN OR DEMOCRATIC?
Apathetic.

95. KISSES OR HUGS?
Kisses.

96. RELATIONSHIPS OR ONE NIGHT STANDS?
Relationships.

97. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU BOUGHT?
A tablet.

98. WOULD YOU EVER BE AN ALCOHOLIC?
Never.

99. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING?
Wicked.

Yes, I'm aware that the title is an obvious Les Miserables reference, sue me.

I'm just so extravagantly bored. I would draw something, but I'm having inspiration issues. Well... I DID get one idea while riding the train earlier, and listening to Darren Hayes for whatever reason. It was cute, and I can still see what I want it to look like quite clearly... but impossible to do. I would first need to learn how to do backgrounds, then find a reference for the poses, and just to piss me off, something in the back of my mind is telling me it would look horrible in pencil. So, my idea for Dublin Sky will be put aside, for now... until I can get better. But stay tuned, one day... one day, it will exist.

Just so I don't accidetally forget what I wanted to do with that idea, I am going to write it out here. (No peeking! Just skip to the next paragraph, please.) I want it to be Ryota with a female character sitting on his lap, as they both watch the sunset from a blanket on a hill, next to an oak tree.

I think I overdosed on Chinese food again... I've been eating the stuff for lunch and dinner for the past few days, and I feel funny. Not HAHA funny, either... just... funny. Don't know what that's about. Future heart attack? Nah...

Also, GOD DAMMIT, SOMEONE STOLE ONE OF MY FAVORITE MOVIES! I was looking for it, and it's gone! I know for a fact I didn't misplace it, because I always put my DVDs back where I got them, on my little shelf thing, so it's STOLEN. God, I really wanted to watch it, too... excuse me while I go cry in a corner.

*sob*

Okay, all better. Now, I can go back to my pathetic existence... all alone... Hey, if you see a cute, anthropomorphic black tiger with red stripes laying on the side of the road, give him a cookie. He probably needs it.

=^-^=

P.S. I'm extremely happy rght now! My parents just got back from some small island in the Carribean with a bunch of tourists on it, and they brought me back these awesome headphones they "got" from the airlines! They completely block out external noises, and right now, they're playing this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BMB6YOWzQMY OH MY GOD. I LOVE Mandy Moore, she is full of win. And I actually prefer this version to the original. It's just so... beautiful. I might take this song and draw to it, when the mood hits me. Also, my dad owes me money, and that money is the money required for that tablet I've been rambling about for the past couple of weeks. Well, that's it for now. Konichiwa, bitches!

P.P.S. WOOHOO! 500 VIEWS! *does a random happy dance*

P.P.P.S. HOLY FUCKING SHIT, I FOUND A WEBSITE THAT SELLS THE EXACT TABLET THAT I'M LOOKING FOR FOR $70 BUCKS LESS THAN THE SITE I FOUND WEEKS AGO! I'M SO DAMN HAPPY!

And... the order has been procesed. It'll be shipped in about three days, and I should get it before the month is out. I haven't been this happy since I was a little girl! I mean, wait, what?... Umm... scratch that.

I dunno why, but I needed to write a new one. The old one was... depressing, and a little too revealing. The internet doesn't need to know about my fragile emotional state. Anywho...

COOKIES!

And now, time for something completely different.

I'm going to open up trades once I get my tablet. I'll be able to get people their art more quickly, and it will be of a vastly greater quality.

That is all, for now. BYE! =^-^=

Okay... I kind of lied in my last journal. Well, I did and I didn't. I was pretty positive and hopeful as I started writing it, but I was pretty much in tears by the end. I know, you're probably thinking, "SUCK IT UP, TIGERS DON'T CRY," but apparently, I'm a lot more human than I thought. As we speak, I'm fighting a horrible urge to sit in a corner and blast emo music. I hate this, it feels like half of me is missing. And... I'm pretty much whining now, so I'm gonna cut the shit.

On a somewhat lighter note, it seems that I'm not as allergic to cats as I once was. I was in a house full of cats, and had neglected to take my allergy medicine, and I felt okay. A little short of breath, but fine. I only noticed when my bestestest friend in New York turned to me and said, "I'm surprised you're still alive." Haha, I love that girl tons, in the most platonic way possible.

Also, I got a good night's sleep for the first time in a week. I slept for nine hours, on a bed that I shared with someone I miss very much. Dammit, it's like I'm mourning the loss of my mother, that's how broken I feel. I'm not a drug addict, I don't do the alcohol thing, and I DEFINITELY will never resort to self mutilation, so there's no cure for this. Just... waiting. Dammit, I'm doing that whining thing again. Let's move on...

To... TABLETS! I'm definitely getting one. If all goes according to plan, I should be ordering one next week at some point. It's gonna be awesome, I'm going to art my ass off! And it's going to be of an exponentially greater quality than most of my stuff has been up 'til this point. Maybe, just maybe, I'll actually be able to start doing backgrounds even! It's something I've always neglected to do, mainly because I both fail at Photoshop, and can't draw stationary objects all that well. Well, I can, but they look strange. I could draw a Gamecube, and show the picture to someone, and they would say, "That is the worst drawing of a pizza box I have ever seen." I've decided that the first thing I'm gonna draw when I get the tablet is a new icon. The one I have now seems a little... dated. It doesn't show my current level of skill, or the "style" I've developed, if you can even call it that.

Well, that's all for now. I can feel the urge to whine rearing it's ugly head, so I'm gonna stop typing. Any second now. And... bam. There it goes. I stopped.

Not that it's anyone's business, but... I've been set free. It isn't important to any of you, but I need to say this. For the past couple of months, I've been unbelievably happy. I couldn't believe that I had found someone who actually cared about me, and I was having trouble believing that I actually deserved it. And then... bam. Things got a little bit strange. We were at odds for a while, and that was the most stressful point in my life so far. I binged on random foods, and felt like crap, and again, barely thought I deserved it. Well, that's not the important thing. The important thing is that I remember the good times with the biggest, goofiest smile. I knew what it was like to feel loved, and the only thing I have left to say is... thank you. Thank you so very much, and... I guess, goodbye. Maybe, in the future, things could pick up again, but for now, being your friend is the kindest thing to do. Thank you for setting me free, and thank you for teaching me, and thank you... for being amazing.

-Ryota.

I caved. I couldn't take it any more. After months and months of fighting it, the curiostiy finally took over. I was weak. I... have joined Twitter. I know, I know, I disgust you. I'd understand if a few of you decided to unwatch me for such a henious crime. But, it happened, and there's no changing that. Now, I have but one request... would those of you who, like me, lack willpower... would you do me the honor... of following me? http://twitter.com/The_Ryota

In case you haven't noticed, everything up till those last two lines was a joke.

...Wow. I never thought I'd see the day. This is almost four times as awesome as when my Myspace got over 100 views. I'd like to thank my parents, first of all, for putting up with me for so long... I'd like to thank Raniko, for turning me onto this site in the first place, and for giving me love and support the entire time... and finally, I'd like to thank everyone who took the time out to either view this page or read the journals.

Oh, what the hell am I doing? This is no time for an acceptance speech, I have to bitch and moan about my busted scanner.

Yeah, it's a retarded scanner. And, I'm pissed. I'm just getting the hang of this art thing, and my scanner goes and pulls this funky jazz... anyone know a four letter word that expresses my rage? XD

Well, that's all for now. I just wanted to get all that out of my system. Now, I have to get back to drawing and erasing the same line over and over for the next half hour, before drawing something acceptable. Laterz! =^-^=

Yeah, I know, I'm overdoing it. But, there is something I need to get off my chest: Turnips. What's the point? They're weird looking, hardly anybody eats them... they're useless! Screw turnips! Screw turnips in the ass with something large and sand-papery!

Heh, in all seriousness... I FREAKING DO NOT LIKE TURNIPS. I dunno, I'm in a random mood. I was talking to my friend, and she gave me some of the best advice I've ever heard. She said to me, "My cat is staring at me." Somehow, that statement gave me a revelation, and moved me to tears. Things will never be the same, not for me.

I'm a changed man. From now on, I will only draw... fruits. No living things, just fruits. With smiley faces. And decidedly human genitalia.

I hope anyone reading this stopped taking me seriously after the first few sentences. Like I said, I'm in a REALLY random mood, and should be laying down. These are the kind of thoughts I have when I'm sitting home alone, waiting for the parole officer to call. In case you're wondering, that was also a joke.

Anyway, for those of you who happened to view the music file I submitted earlier, it's been fixed. If it wasn't playing on your computer before, it should be now. Listen to it, and laugh at my guitar skills.

That's all for now. I'm gonna go destroy some turnips with a flamethrower. Ciao! =^-^=