So! After a... sizable break (I am so sorry), I now have plans for some more posts! I've been given permission from Error to post the stuff from the backlog, but he isn't interested in posting the scat stuff. I'll probably be posting both halves myself, which feels really weird.

Just figured y'all would want a status update after a couple months of silence.

I have finally decided on how I will price my comms.

The base price is $30 USD for each story, but when you buy multiple in the same comm, the price goes down by $10 for each story beyond the first. For example, two would be $50, three would be $70, and so on.

Then, for kinks beyond what I usually do (so anything beyond basic fart/scat/piss) will cost extra depending on my personal stance on it. Tame stuff like domination or whatever will be an extra $10, and extreme stuff I dislike (sex, vore, that kinda thing) would be and extra $30.

Each story would be however long the idea ends up being, with no lower or upper limit. I still reserve the right to reject ideas I don't like, of course.

I think this is a fair system, and am open to hearing what you guys think of it. If interested, send me a message on whatever you prefer. I'm most likely to see it on Discord.

Since some people have asked, I will answer this in a journal.

Just because me and Error are no longer friends, doesn't mean our existing works will be affected. I will keep up all of my posts, no matter what happens. I hope he will do the same, as he has said he will in the past. All this means is that our pending stuff is null. I will keep working on the Gassydex with other artists, and my freestyle work is unaffected.

Bonus update:
I want to start working on more extreme stuff, to test my limits. Expect some fun stuff that makes the masterpiece look tame by comparison in the future.

Wow, two journals in the same day.

I thought posting the last journal would help me feel better, and start moving forward. I thought that getting everything off my chest would make it all feel less heavy. Unfortunately, that... isn't what happened.

I feel... miserable. Putting everything into perspective like that has only shown me just how terrible I truly am. I'm the one who pushed everyone to hate me. I alienated everyone, even my closest friends. My self-hatred and lack of control hurts everyone.

I try to just suppress my emotions, but sometimes, it all takes over my brain. My thoughts become nothing but hatred and misery. My mind tells me that I'm on borrowed time... it's all a fragile house of cards. One day, I'll finally do something horrible, and everyone will see me for who I truly am. A false prophet, preaching hope and faith when my own life is nothing but empty words and despair. Sometimes, it tells me that I should just... skip to the end. Stop living this lie. Do something... stupid.

Even my best friends can't tolerate me... what's the point? How could I expect them to like me, when I can't even like myself?

People say they like me. They tell me that I'm an amazing person. An amazing writer. They tell me that I help them, and they enjoy talking to me... and all my brain tells me is that they don't know me well enough. They don't know the real me, a being of pure hatred and sadness. Even when I am happy, writing stuff or playing games with friends, I'm just waiting for the inevitable moment when all my mistakes come out and rip the carpet out from beneath me. Everything feels hollow and empty.

Even as I write this journal, my mind is telling me I'm just being pathetic. It tells me that no one cares, they just pretend to because they pity me. Even as I try to tell myself it's just my paranoia and depression telling me lies, I can't help worrying that I'm just in denial.

So, I want to ask you a favor, if you're reading this. Please. Tell me why you don't hate me. Maybe this is stupid and childish, but I want to see that some people truly don't hate me. I want to prove it to my brain.

Sorry for having two overly long pity party journals in the same day.

Alright. Let's handle this.

I used to be a very, very bad person. As a teenager, I was toxic, argumentative, and overall a massive asshole. I would start arguments, get into existing ones, and took pleasure in "winning", no matter the cost. This stemmed from an extremely fragile sense of self-worth, based entirely on being "in the right". After all, how could you be a bad person if you were never wrong?

Even now, I'm still deeply fragile, and suffer from massive confidence issues. My brain constantly tells me I'm worthless, and everyone is just waiting to cut ties and drop me once I stop making porn they enjoy. I push myself to write things I don't enjoy to prevent people from growing bored of me.

A couple years ago, I was in an extremely toxic relationship with someone called Error. Due to our desperate need to be with someone, anyone, we threw ourselves into a doomed relationship. It lasted about a year, and as the months went on, the cracks only grew bigger. Due to self-esteem and self-hatred on both sides, and my inability to read emotions or social cues (thanks, autism), I didn't see the signs I was hurting him. I wanted to make more and more stuff, crazier and crazier ideas, all based on a twisted new idea of "self-worth" based on popularity, and that led to me pushing Error to make more and more art to keep up. Meanwhile, I was falling deeper and deeper into my own despair, plagued by the omnipresent paranoia and anxiety that stalks my mind. I wasn't only pushing him, I was pushing myself.

He wanted it to stop, to take a break, but he didn't have the heart to stand up for himself. Thanks to my accursed brain issues, I had no idea what was going on, since he seemed okay, but he was suffering behind the scenes. Pushing himself to do art and ideas he had no interest in, all to slake my thirst for more. My bottomless greed. Eventually, he did something that quickly pulled me into reality, and we mutually decided to end the relationship shortly afterwards.

For months, we tried to stay friends, but our mutual hatred for each other and ourselves made it extremely difficult. We tried to ignore the problem, but it steadily fell out of control again. We grew to hate the other, unable to accept that we both made some grave mistakes. We tried to keep up appearances in public, act like it was a peaceful breakup, but secretly despised speaking with the other.

In March of last year, I entered a relationship with another person, known as Captain. This relationship was even more toxic than the one with Error. Captain had actually used me to engineer reasons not to be with his last boyfriend, and slowly grew to regret if. I used him to try and cleanse the fears and anxiety borne from the meltdown with Error, without realizing I was just pushing him to be exactly the same as Error. We pushed the other lower and lower, taking pleasure in being "on top" in the relationship. Countless insults, arguments, and words behind the other's back.

After about half a year, that relationship imploded as well. Captain completely stabbed me in the back by bringing Error into an argument as some kind of "trump card". We decided to break up that very day.

As a result of this, Error and Captain started talking to each other, bonding over their hatred of me. Growing steadily more and more riled up by the day, growing their mental image of me into some grand villain who had actually caused everything wrong in both relationships. Captain came up with a plan to "expose" me, by taking some of the extremely edgy things I say during a metal breakdown, and sharing them with as many people as possible.

This all continued behind the scenes, while I was working on making recompense. I tried to show both Captain and Error that I was making progress, working through my issues to become a more stable person. I would ask them if I was making progress, and constantly asked for confirmation that I was truly improving. I tried to bury my issues in more work, more conversations, more distractions, but I couldn't escape my own paranoia. To make matters worse, I secretly still had a crush on Error, and was hoping that proving myself would somehow lead to us getting back together.

Meanwhile, I grew more and more stressed out, taking out my anger on anyone and anything that had the misfortune of existing when I was having a mental meltdown. I lashed out at friends, enemies, even people I didn't know, making them as miserable as I felt for completely inane things. My brain would constantly tell me that everyone secretly hated me, and only pretended to like me because my writing was decent.

Finally, late last month, it all boiled over. After a particularly demoralizing event in a server where pretty much everyone came together to tell me to fuck off, because my meltdowns made them feel like shit, I turned to Captain to try and vent. I was hurt, angry, and more depressed than ever. I said some extremely regrettable and edgy things, insulting pretty much everyone who I could think of. Captain took screenshots of this, and shared them with Error, and a group of other people I didn't know. This kickstarted the whole "expose" plan.

Captain started it out by telling me outright that there was a group of people who wanted him to completely abandon me, and take as many incriminating screenshots as possible to spread around and ruin my reputation. Due to me already being in meltdown mode, my brain managed to turn this into a full blown "everyone hates me" episode. My repressed suicidal thoughts and depression came back full force, and I completely snapped. As a defense mechanism, I blocked Captain, and turned to Error. He had been part of the plan, but had advocated against the whole "expose and ruin his reputation" part.

Due to the fact I was having a full paranoid episode, I wasn't exactly fully coherent or... sentient at the time. Error, unaware of what happened, was operating on the idea Captain had just told me to stop lashing out at people. Thanks to poor communication, I managed to get it into my head that Error was actually part of the whole "spying" plot. This led to about two hours of me yelling and ranting about how miserable and depressed I was, which only made Error feel worse and worse. Backed into the corner, he said some things, too. Eventually I burned out, and fell asleep.

For a few days, I just stewed in the aftermath of the meltdown, growing steadily less able to trust anyone, in case they were part of the "spying". Meanwhile, Captain felt absolutely miserable for what he had caused, but since I had blocked him, he couldn't make up. He vented about his mistakes in a server we shared, and I decided to forgive him. Through this, I learned the whole story. It wasn't "everyone", it was simply a handful of people. Error hadn't been completely on-board with it, and the main issues came because someone I didn't even know wanted to "save" Error from me. To protect myself, I asked some of my friends to block the people involved. This was a terrible idea.

The people involved (not Captain, who was completely miserable and regretful, nor Error, who was still recovering from the things we had said during the meltdown) tried to spread the "truth", by showing everyone they could screenshots of my meltdown, painting it as my "true colors". This eventually reached the people I had asked to block them, people completely uninvolved with the drama, and they grew to doubt me. The people behind it demanded to talk to me. With my anger and over-zealous need to "protect" my friends, I accepted. This led to a good hour of me yelling at them about how I was going to make sure they could never hurt my friends ever again, while they just kept using their screenshots to try and show how "terrible" I am. Eventually, my fury burned out, and I simply left. Error, Captain, and I tried to just move on, and block the event from our memories. Me and Error decided that our relationship was destroyed beyond any hope of repair, and mutually decided to block the other and never speak again.

Meanwhile, the people who had started the whole mess kept trying to spread the screenshots. They bothered more and more people, trying to turn them against me so they could kickstart the whole plan again. Eventually, I asked Captain to take screenshots of their discussions of the plan, so we could show anyone who they showed their screenshots. We had thought that would handle the problem, but it simply became a juvenile arms race.

So, to prevent this from growing any further, I have decided to tell the whole story in a public place, which is this journal. Me and Error will not be working together on anything ever again. Me and Captain are friends again, but it's still tainted by these events.

Basically, I've done some extremely stupid things in moments of weakness, and it has hurt my friends. I want to grow beyond it, but sometimes it all comes over me and makes me lash out. I'm sorry to each and every person who has had the misfortune to be on the receiving end of one of these meltdowns, and I hope I can eventually make enough progress that it never happens again. In the meantime, I'm going to try and make amends for all of this.

I guess the point I'm trying to make is... you never know the whole story on what's going on, especially when people are trying to sensationalize it. Nothing is black or white, and no one is completely good or bad. We're all human, and we all make mistakes. I don't want anyone to bother Error or Captain, and I made sure to omit the names of anyone else involved to prevent them also suffering for this.

Thanks for reading this, and again... I'm sorry for what I've done.

Would you guys prefer I quickly pumped out more short content, like the Gassydex, or longer stories like the masterpiece at a slower pace? I feel bad vanishing for months at a time >~<

Sometimes, it feels like no one actually likes me at all, and they're just here because they like the art people make for me. I've had so many people tell me they love "my" art, and it's so damaging to my self-esteem when that happens. Does anyone even care about the stories I put so much work into?

Sorry for whining, I just wanted to vent.

I wanna join more servers. I'm too anxious to really join anyone randomly, so do any of you know any cool ones I would be welcome in?

Woot! I have surpassed 900 watchers! Thanks to all of you for reading my silly stories! I wouldn't have expected this many people could tolerate my dumb ideas. Love you all UwU

Alright, something's been bothering me for a while.

What would you say is my absolute best work of all? It must be a single thing, not an entire series or whatever. A single entry, a single story, whatever. I'm just curious.

Hooray! I'm 23 now!

Next friday, December 17th, will be my 23rd birthday!

Alright, ask me literally anything, and I will answer as truthfully as possible. Unless you ask about future projects, then I'll probably just say "spoilers".

So, I dunno if I've mentioned this... multiple times before, but I'm a huge fan of Magic: the Gathering. I originally had a channel in my personal server, but I felt kinda stifled. So, I've created a server mostly for Magic stuff! If you like the game, or wanna get into it, feel free to join. Please be aware that we're still setting up right now, though. I'd appreciate some help, though!

https://discord.gg/ubUrXArE

So! I personally identify as homoromantic asexual, as I have literally no interest in sex at all, but I do like dating and cuddling with cute boys. In fact, I find the idea of vaginal sex downright disgusting, and anal sex is only slightly less gross.

And I know you're gonna be like "but you've written oral sex", and here's where I say "gotcha!" See, if you've paid attention to those instances, you'll notice that neither party is feeling anything even coming close to love. It's always a demonstration of the dominance of the "top", because I have a kink for that kind of thing.

Oh, and before anyone goes "you just haven't had sex with the right girl/guy", I'd like to counter by saying I've had both. I simply found the former gross, and the latter to be more boring than anything. Why shove my dick in a guy's ass when I could just... kiss it? Repeatedly.

I've had multiple people who have tried to argue with me about my own sexuality. One guy outright blocked me purely because of my sexuality, and more recently, someone tried to tell me I'm not actually asexual because... I have dated people?

??????

So, yeah! I just wanted to get that off my chest.

There is a card I am eyeing on SCG that probably won't stay there for long, so I am opening to public comms for a bit. The card alone is $80, so I guess the sale is... 10 stories, $200 USD. My usual price is $30/story, so it is quite the discount. Send me a note on here if interested, or message me on Discord at Furrierthanthou#2258

So, I assume most of you know of my personal pet project, the Gassydex. Perhaps you wonder what inspired it, or maybe how it came to be? Well, this journal will seek to give some insight on that, as well as some other fun facts.

A few years ago, way before I even met Error, I was an admin for  EraFarty's Discord server. While I was there, I heard he was releasing a "doujin", Gassy Pals. One of my friends offered to order and ship me a copy, since my country (Canada) wasn't available through the company he used to sell the doujin. I accepted, and that's how I gained my second physical copy of a Pokemon fart doujin (the first was a copy of OVERDOSER 2, if you're curious).

Within that doujin is an image of Sandy, the Eevee with the hair from the Gen VII anime. I thought it was very cute, and asked my then-new friend,  TheOmegaError, if he wanted to collaborate on a short story about the rather adorable Eevee. He said he wouldn't mind, and thus created the art that would become the B-side of the first Gassydex entry.

Now, I generally try to keep my page predominantly fart kink focused, so I asked him if he was willing to perhaps do an alternate art piece without the scat. He humored me, and thus I got the art for the A-side of the first entry. That's when the idea struck me.
"What if we make this a series? Just art/story of various Pokemon, taking requests from whoever?"

Error said it sounded like a good idea, and to help make sure the project got off the ground, we decided to start with the Eeveelutions, since I personally like them, and he had done art of some of them before.

And that's how the series started! We've been going strong for about 2-3 years now, currently at 149 unique entries. I personally didn't expect it to be this popular, but it's a pleasant surprise.

Now, for some fun facts!

- People ask me what aspect of the franchise I use as the blueprint for the series. Most assume the anime or video games, but they're wrong. I actually base it all off the TCG. That's why each entry starts with the "name, number, designation" thing, as a reference to the text box under the art on actual Pokemon cards.

- I temporarily considered making the scat stuff as a seperate series, with the tentative name of "poopydex". Man, am I glad that fell through.

- Hiro was designed as a joint effort between me and Error. I designed his outfit and chose his name, while Error decided on his actual face and such. I, personally, consider the "pokeball with a crown" symbol to be the logo of the Gassydex as a whole.

- I intend for the series to remain relatively "vanilla", and avoid the more extreme kinks I'm currently experimenting with in my freestyle stories. Sorry if you wanted vore or whatever within the series.

- As of right now, I don't have any concrete plans for an ending for the series, but I do have some vague ideas. I haven't decided if it should end with Hiro being cured of the curse, or him coming to terms with and accepting it. If you have any ideas, feel free to let me know.

So, I've been wondering something. Do you guys like the more extreme stuff I've been posting, or do you prefer the more tame stuff?

Alright! I'm really bored, and really curious, so let's do a little experiment.

I want as many people as possible to type out a story request they'd want me to write for them. After a few days, I'll go through the comments on this journal, and choose my favorite one. I will then contact that person to talk about possibly getting it written.

Rules!

- I obviously won't do any kinks I've said I dislike. Also, choosing kinks I do like might make yours more likely to be chosen.
- The characters can be any gender, but male ones will obviously be more likely to be chosen, since I'm gay.
- Any request that's just a one or two sentence suggestion will be disqualified.
- You've gotta be watching me at the time I consider the options.
- If I can't contact you on Discord or Telegram, I will consider your request null.
- One request per person.

After talking about it with a bunch of people, I have decided I will finish the story I was working on for Volsar. It won't be a gift, but it will be dedicated to him. I don't know when I'll finish it, but I'm sure you'll be able to tell once I do.

I've never really been the most confident guy. If you've talked to me, you probably think of me as arrogant, confident, with good self-esteem... and you'd be completely incorrect.

I've never believed in myself, or my work. I just fake confidence for the sake of my friends. Even if I have no faith in myself, maybe I could inspire someone else to have faith in themselves, y'know? I write for one simple reason- to make friends, and hopefully give back to the people who support me.

One of those people was  KeeperofJunk. Volsar was an amazing man, and he believed in me more than I ever have. He took the time to support me, and showed me that even if I thought I was worthless, other people don't necessarily feel the same way.

When I heard he was in the hospital, I was devastated. He was one of the people I looked up to the most, and now he was going to be gone forever. I wanted to write a special story to show my appreciation.

I started on the story last month, and got about halfway through before my anxiety and paranoia took over. What if the story wasn't good enough? Could I really make up to him for multiple years of unconditional support with a fetish story? As a result, I took a break, swearing to return to it when I had more confidence.

Well, as of September 24th, I'd officially taken too long. Volsar passed away in the hospital. I officially failed him.

I've always struggled with motivation and drive to write stories, which is why my upload schedule is... non-existent. I worry that it just won't be good enough... and now, that idiotic fear has well and truly fucked me over.

How can I say I write for my friends if I couldn't pull myself together for the man I looked up to the most when he was on his death bed? I'm filled with disgust, anger, and hatred for myself. Should I even finish the story? What's the point, he won't even be able to read it...

Woo! With the Jirachi entry, season three of the Gassydex finally comes to an end! I know a lot of you aren't into scat, but a lot of story and plot explanation takes place in the second part, so I'd appreciate if you could read it even if just for that!

Also, to clarify, I refer to changes in location as "seasons". This is the last entry taking place purely on the island, and Hiro will soon be back in Alola! This will hopefully open up more story possibilities, like human characters I've been hoping to integrate to the story!

Hope you've enjoyed the series so far, and here's to another 150 entries!

I have created an F-list! I went through every kink on the site, and gave how I feel about them. Feel free to read over it and see if you're surprised.

https://www.f-list.net/c/inaceus%20zane

Hey! Complete 180 from the last journal, but it's that time again!

I'm very bored, and wouldn't mind making some new friends. Feel free to add me on Discord at Furrierthanthou#2258 or Telegram at @ Furrierthanthou (without the space)

I look forward to meeting you ^~^

A long time ago, back when I was just a random writer who posted once a year, with spelling errors and no standards, one man took the time to take me in. He let me write stuff for him, even as I was a nuisance and drama queen in his server. Even as all of his friends told him to just ditch me, he never gave up on me. He was an amazing man, and I idolized him to admittedly unhealthy degrees.

He was immensely popular, but he still talked to me as a friend. A worthless, stupid teenager like me. I swore to become popular enough to be able to speak as equals.

But as time went on, I grew further away from him. I grew more popular, and I began to see him as a rival. Someone to surpass. I saw his server as a burden, something I stayed in out of obligation, not desire. I grew angry at him for never taking the time to talk to me, forgiving people I couldn't.

And now... he's dying. He can't use his arms. The future I was working towards will never come to pass. I'm... not sure how I feel. Someone who was important to me is dying... and even then, I'm not even sad. I just... feel empty. He was such a large part of my life back when I was first getting popular, before I even met Error... and now he might never even see the person I'm becoming. My whole goal was to surpass him so we could talk as equals, and now... that's never going to happen. Everything is gone before I have a chance to do anything about it, and I can't even cry...

I don't even know what I'm supposed to do now... I want to write a story for him, but he more than likely won't even be able to read it... am I just being greedy? Capitalizing on his suffering for inspiration?

I really hate myself sometimes...