I get told that we're going to the bowling alley today for a day out of the house....only to later be told there would be no room in the truck for me.

Guess the "we" meant everyone but me.

Proof that I don't fucking matter.

I would like to take this opportunity to wish  tavimunk and  ozziekitskunk a happy 5th anniversary

and many more beyond that

I have a new phone and subsequently a new phone number.

Note me and you will get it. (this is on a case by case basis.

Its that time of year....Football season is almost here and I am looking for 7 teams for my newly created fantasy football league on NFL.com.

If you're interested let me know and I will note you the pw to join.

Draft for this league is Live Online on August 25th at 3pm EDT.

Looking forward to the friendly competition.

NOTE: the following is a transcript of a text i sent using google voice to my now ex-bf

So you said you would call me back and never did. I also find it a little fishy that you didn't know the address to your aunt's place even though you could simply walk outside and find out. This is why I find it hard to believe anything you say. I don't need or want the stress and worry.

I'm sick and fucking tired of going through this song and dance. You call and talk to me figuring it'll buy you more time and then you don't contact anyone. Then when I tell you I want nothing further to do with you...you call and whine to ### so you'll get more time.

You're a 40 year old man who is acting like some high school kid when it comes to this "relationship" and I'm sick of it. To be honest with you I'm to the point where I could care less if you come back or not. More toward not cause I have for all intents and purposes moved on cause I have better things to do with my life than sit around waiting for you to come clean about where you are and what really is going on. Your Bigger City profile says under construction after I called you out on the picture change. You're continually changing your story and making it look like a low budget Hollywood film. Well I'm not buying in to anything you have to say anymore. Your lies and bullshit are done.

Don't bother calling (name withheld for personal reasons) and whining cause quite frankly he's about in the mind set where I am right now. Your story just doesn't add up. If your aunt was dieing she wouldn't have moved to Arkansas she would've stayed where she was. Also you claim to care..yet if you really did you would've been back here already.

Right now my fucking chest is hurting cause I'm beyond stressed out about this. I don't need or want the stress anymore. I don't need to be lied to and manipulated by someone who cares more about his own line of credit than if our god damn bills stay caught up.

You can keep your ass where ever you are right now cause quite frankly I'm sick of the lies, sick of the bullshit and sick of YOU

1. Who are you?
2. Are we friends?
3. When and how did we meet?
4. Do you love me?
5. Give me a nickname and explain why.
6. Describe me in 1 word.
7. What was your first impression of me?
8. Would you hug me?
9. What reminds you of me?
10. If you could give me anything, what would it be?
11. How well do you know me?
12. Are you gonna put this in your journal and see what I say about you?
13. Would you meet up with me?
14. Do you enjoy having me as a friend?
15. Would you spend some quality time with me?

Can't wait to see what you guys comment with. >3

...people bitch me out for something that is out of my control.

I have nurses visit me throughout the week to help me in various ways. Today was no different.

This happened as I got on Teamspeak to talk to a friend and hopefully get some League of Legends play in together.

So I said I would be back in a bit as I thought it was something else. I left for 30 min cause that's about how long my shower takes when my aid shows up....and come back to see said friend had logged off teamspeak and LoL.

Thinking nothing of it I went about my day.

About 45 min ago I message said friend on LoL and proceed to get berated for not coming back right away when I had no ability to do so.

Then I get accused of "not comprehending the situation" which is a college students way of calling someone stupid without using the actual word.

Lastly, I come across a journal saying something about how that is the quickest way to dissolve a friendship.

I'm not going to mention who this is for the sake of not needing a flame war on this person's FA or Skype.

I am going to say one thing about the whole situation. Pointless.

If you wanna cuss me out cause I did something that is out of my immediate control then that's on you.....but if you wanna unfriend me for something that can be talked out or something that I HAD ALREADY APOLOGIZED FOR then its your loss and noone elses.

I'm not here to please people based on their needs or their misunderstanding of a situation.

So if you unfriend me after seeing this its noone's loss but yours.

I'm trying to figure out why I bother trying to find anyone.

I mean I'm out of the hellish relationship that I was in with that moron from Wisconsin who was too chicken shit to tell me that he didn't wanna be with me after seeing what I looked like.

Then I think I meet the right one who lives just 3 hours southeast of me. We met and had lunch together and seemed to hit it off. Then he messages me just a few minutes ago to tell me he doesn't think we're compatible.

I'm wondering if I am doomed to be a single wuff for the rest of my days.

To put it bluntly I am tired of getting led along by a string when it comes to finding the right person.

It's almost like I am destined to be alone forever,

Why do some people hold grudges?

I mean they claim to be a full grown adult but some people will get mad at you over the dumbest shit in the world.

I'm not going to name anyone in particular but it sickens me to think that people will block me for learning about shit I've done in the past. It hasn't happened only once but has happened on numerous occassions to the point where I've almost given up on communicating with anyone other than the friends I've already made in this fandom.

I just wish that some people who claim to be grown up would act like it instead of throwing childlike tantrums and blocking people over nothing.

Then, as if that wasn't bad enough, everything that I've had to put up with lately has me severely questioning my value in the fandom and to all of my friends. It's bad enough knowing I don't have many local friends that I can freely hang out with but after hearing of one of my most trusted friends moving out west....it makes me wonder if I am being a good enough friend to everyone I come in contact with.

My life has been full of self doubt and plagued by physical and mental issues that are too numerous to even fathom talking about with anyone without breaking down.

After all I have gone through in the first 6 1/2 months of this year it seriously makes me wonder if I should just ex-communicate myself from the outside world and resume the life of a shut in that I left behind when I joined the furry community in 2007.

I don't want people to think this is another in the pathetic attempts to get people to pay attention to me cause it's not. This is the real me letting my feelings out into a public forum of sorts. It's letting everyone know how I've been feeling as a person lately and looking for people to talk to at length about this.

I welcome all serious replies to this....or if you'd rather talk to me directly you can contact me on skype.

Until then I'm going to go back into the shadows and do what i do best.....hide and watch the world go by 1 minute at a time.

Though I walk through the valley of darkness....
I am not afriad....cause I know I'm not alone.

Lem's Contest is going on now...follow the rules to enter

https://www.furaffinity.net/journal/4820713/

Having another rough day.

Kinda wishing I had someone to cuddle up to or talk to at length right now.

Maybe I'll go make something to eat.

You Scored as Exhibitionist / Voyeur



Exhibitionist / Voyeur
89%
Experimental
89%
Switch
79%
Sadist
50%
Submissive
50%
Dominant
46%
Bondage
46%
Degradation
39%
Vanilla
36%
Masochist
25%

Wolf Moon by Type O Negative


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GqRiecSx_go



The 28th day
She'll be bleeding again
And in lupine ways
We'll alleviate the pain

Unholy water
Sanguine addiction
Those silver bullets
A last blood benediction

It is her moon time
When there's iron in the air
A rusted essence
Woman may I know you're there

Unholy water
Sanguine addiction
Those silver bullets
A last blood benediction

Hey wolf moon
Come cast your spell on me
Hey wolf moon
Come cast your spell on me

Don't spill a drop dear
Let me kiss the curse away
Yourself in my mouth
Will you leave me with your taste?

Beware
The woods at night
Beware
The lunar light

So in this gray haze
We'll be meating again
And on that great day
I will tease you all the same

Unholy water
Sanguine addiction
Those silver bullets
A last blood benediction

Hey wolf moon
Come cast your spell on me
Hey wolf moon
Come cast your spell on me

Beware
The woods at night
Beware
The lunar light

Follow the link you drones!!

https://www.furaffinity.net/journal/4749592

Looking for people to voice chat with and possibly get a group together to chat with regualrly.

My skype sn is on my main page...just note that you're adding from FA

Having one of those days where I just wanna sleep and let the day pass me by.

I don't wanna deal with anything right now. All I want is someone to hang out with and cuddle.


Is that too much to ask?

SHared from  dmk

-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --

Rumor has it there is hacker on FA, hacking people and blocking our friends to make them block us. You'll then be banned from FA.

Write the same warning in your journal to protect not only yourself but everyone! Here's another warning: If I'm being a jerk, saying stuff like "Shut up", "Get lost" or "I don't want to see you on my homepage anymore", that's not really me. That's the hacker.

Write all of this down in your journal too!

Please do this, it's for the safety of everyone!

Forward this message before someone gets hacked!

I thought I found a boyfriend that was trustworthy and would love me and be honest with me.

Today I found out I was wrong.

I discovered today while here at the hospital that I am apparently incontinent.

DISCLAIMER: DO NOT READ BEYOND THIS POINT IF YOU'RE SQUICKED EASILY

I was napping on the chair near my bed in the hospital when a foul aroma awoke me. I had the nurse check to see if I had messed and apparently I did. I feel bad cause I didn't sense this at all and its the 5th time in 2 weeks,

I'm going to inquire about diapers if possible and once I have them will likely have to wear them 24/7.

While I thought wearing them 24/7 would be something to be overjoyed about....I find myself sad.

Alot of things have happened in the last 2 days that have made look at things from another perspective.

I was discharged from the beahvioral health floor at the local hospital on Tuesday. The 6 day stay was a welcome one as I felt as though I had lost control of my life and was on the verge of doing something stupid that would've taken me away from all of the great people I have befriended over the last couple years.

When I got home I went on the laptop and logged into Skype for the first time in almost a week and sent messages to anyone who I thought would care that I am doing ok and in a chatty mood. Little did I know that this would be the catalyst for what would be the happiest moment of the most recent times.

I had been talking to a good kitty friend of mine named  malacub that lives in Texas for a while now. I saw his status that he was in dire straits and in need of help. I offered to help him and he was accepting but the next thing I did kinda took him by suprise. I told him I would also be his mate if he wanted. He squeed and the rest, as they say, is history.

I'm happy to say that I am mated to the most wonderful and loving kitty ever. I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. Next month I am going to be ditching the horrible surroundings I find myself in and moving to Texas to be with him and share the joy and love that he has shared with me.

They say that foolish people do foolish things. Right now I feel like I am one of those people.

I came back to the house where all of the stress and uncomfortability was at. I let them talk me into coming back here under the guise that everything was on the up and up and that they would do everything to help me if I needed the help.

I ate lunch...2 hot dogs with no bun and a little ketchup.

Not even 2 1/2 hours later I'm being openly accused of opening the package of hot dogs and eating nearly 70% of the package by myself.

This is exactly the thing that I wanted to avoid. I'm not here to be blamed for shit. I'm not someone's fucking scapegoat.

So I face the tough decision of whether or not I should walk away once again and take my worldly possessions with me or whether I tough it out at the risk of having another mental meltdown.

This is an easy answer on some days but I'm not sure it's an easy answer now.