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Posted 7 years agoI feel things are kinda looking up for me.
This year has had some changes.
February the ex ended it and I didn’t stop him, I’d been feeling like this for a long long while but the aggro it would have caused to break up with him just was not worth it for me. I cried the day before he dumped me as I knew it was coming and then I had to deal without th the guilt that I felt so happy to be free. We hadn’t been a couple for such a long time.
I think the most couple thing we did was sit vaugly near each other.
He regretted it the next day and asked me back. I listed the reasons he gave me and that was that.
My con was good except for the thunder which I hate.
Was decideing to move and nearly put my notice in on my flat and then I got a letter for my therapy I’d been waiting over a year and a half for. I was over the moon. I hate feeling stagnant.
I would have loved to go private but I pay a fair bit of rent, council tax, bills, food and such so I don’t have much to use. If I want anything I have to scrimp and make cut backs on essentials as it is. I don’t know what my balance is and that’s kinda scary haha.
I’ve had a few other wonderful things come about too :)
This year has had some changes.
February the ex ended it and I didn’t stop him, I’d been feeling like this for a long long while but the aggro it would have caused to break up with him just was not worth it for me. I cried the day before he dumped me as I knew it was coming and then I had to deal without th the guilt that I felt so happy to be free. We hadn’t been a couple for such a long time.
I think the most couple thing we did was sit vaugly near each other.
He regretted it the next day and asked me back. I listed the reasons he gave me and that was that.
My con was good except for the thunder which I hate.
Was decideing to move and nearly put my notice in on my flat and then I got a letter for my therapy I’d been waiting over a year and a half for. I was over the moon. I hate feeling stagnant.
I would have loved to go private but I pay a fair bit of rent, council tax, bills, food and such so I don’t have much to use. If I want anything I have to scrimp and make cut backs on essentials as it is. I don’t know what my balance is and that’s kinda scary haha.
I’ve had a few other wonderful things come about too :)
Potential trigger - Dear mum
Posted 8 years agoRecently I've been thinking about my mum. Havnt seen her since January.
Found photos of my bedroom from a few years ago and it always sets me off crying as when I told mum about the abuse she basically swept it under the rug and when I left to go ack to uni I never went back to stay. I visited once making sure the abuser was out the house and gone and my mum accused me of stealing my own stuff from my bedroom and got angry I opened mail with my name on it.
I have questions mum.
Everyday I think why did you choose him over your own daughter after what he did to me.
Every time I phone you, you are always too busy to sit and chat with me...you don't even work.
I wish you would tell me why you won't leave him. I'm willing to sell everything to have you move down with me.
When you said you would have done something if I had told you what was happening when I was younger it broke me. You looked happy with him I didn't want to say something to break you guys up. You finally had a man who didn't beat you up or drink heavily. I was so young I didn't know it was wrong and after a while it was normal for me.
When you got married I refused to ever call him dad or take his last name.
You said oh you seemed happy around him.
That's the thing mum....you bury it...bury it as deep as you can.
Found photos of my bedroom from a few years ago and it always sets me off crying as when I told mum about the abuse she basically swept it under the rug and when I left to go ack to uni I never went back to stay. I visited once making sure the abuser was out the house and gone and my mum accused me of stealing my own stuff from my bedroom and got angry I opened mail with my name on it.
I have questions mum.
Everyday I think why did you choose him over your own daughter after what he did to me.
Every time I phone you, you are always too busy to sit and chat with me...you don't even work.
I wish you would tell me why you won't leave him. I'm willing to sell everything to have you move down with me.
When you said you would have done something if I had told you what was happening when I was younger it broke me. You looked happy with him I didn't want to say something to break you guys up. You finally had a man who didn't beat you up or drink heavily. I was so young I didn't know it was wrong and after a while it was normal for me.
When you got married I refused to ever call him dad or take his last name.
You said oh you seemed happy around him.
That's the thing mum....you bury it...bury it as deep as you can.
My hammy was put to sleep
Posted 9 years agoWent to visit bf whos caring for my hammy. He was all happy then just got sick suddenly had to phone emergency vets and off he went. There was nothing they could do for him. Tiny little white dwarf hammy with your very dark red eyes i shall miss your running and the way you were crazy over mealworms.
Finding christmas day hard.
Posted 9 years agoAs its not safe for me to go home for the last two christmases, this year a friends mother kindly invited me over.
Its hard Ijust miss my mum so much . all the traditions i am used to are completely different. Iam gratfull to have somewhere to stay but i miss the roast dinner, the way i will always sit on my rug and hand out the presents. the way I try and cover the cat in wrapping paper.
Merry christismas everyone!
Its hard Ijust miss my mum so much . all the traditions i am used to are completely different. Iam gratfull to have somewhere to stay but i miss the roast dinner, the way i will always sit on my rug and hand out the presents. the way I try and cover the cat in wrapping paper.
Merry christismas everyone!
Urschin is selling long eared fox OC
Posted 10 years agoNew chapter
Posted 10 years agoToday my best friend I had through university left the house forever. I am here stuck here till I finish uni. I don't have a home to go to that's safe for me so here I am. I miss my friends from my old home more acutely than ever as I realise how alone I am in this rainy city.
I guess sometimes life likes to mess you about haha.
I guess sometimes life likes to mess you about haha.
R.I.P
Posted 11 years agoI'm in a kinda of state of shock. Mabel is actually gone. It's weird having the feeling that everyone will be around but when they start to go one by one it's a scary reality.
She used to give me bowls of hand picked raspberries sat in her kitchen on cute little strawberry placemats.
I also saw my mother last night before Mabel left us and I miss her so much. The relationship is still damaged between us and I don't believe it will improve much.
At least we all got to say goodbye to Mabel.
She used to give me bowls of hand picked raspberries sat in her kitchen on cute little strawberry placemats.
I also saw my mother last night before Mabel left us and I miss her so much. The relationship is still damaged between us and I don't believe it will improve much.
At least we all got to say goodbye to Mabel.
love
Posted 11 years agoYesterday I attended my best uni buddies wedding.
later on i recived a call from my mother which upset me.
that friend still dressed in all her wedding finerery hugged me as a wept and told me how strong I have been, how its okay to hate themv and if i wanted to take further action she would go with me.
really love my friends. so fucking much.
later on i recived a call from my mother which upset me.
that friend still dressed in all her wedding finerery hugged me as a wept and told me how strong I have been, how its okay to hate themv and if i wanted to take further action she would go with me.
really love my friends. so fucking much.
Silver lining
Posted 11 years agoSince Christmas life has been terrible. Really low, doctors all the time etc.
I am currently sat in Hong Kong having a skype chat and I feel really really elated for the first time in ages. So happy :)
I am currently sat in Hong Kong having a skype chat and I feel really really elated for the first time in ages. So happy :)
: D
Posted 12 years agoGot my badge in the post from stefi today. asdfghj so pretty <3 <3
Doberman partial for sale!!!
Posted 12 years agoOut of this world badges, Get yours for Confuzzled 2014 <3
Posted 12 years agoThey are just so awesome, check them out at
DaRkHuMouR 's pagehttp://www.furaffinity.net/full/11432863/ <3
Kidney needed in florida
Posted 12 years agoYCH ENDING SOON cutenesssss
Posted 12 years agofree things - iron artist by RachelleFluffy
Posted 12 years agoIron artist challenge https://www.furaffinity.net/journal...../#cid:35341719
Free art https://www.furaffinity.net/journal...../#cid:35341678
Free art https://www.furaffinity.net/journal...../#cid:35341678
funeral blahblahblah
Posted 12 years agoI have this stupid funeral on Wednesday. I really don't want to see my gran + gramps upset, this in turn with upset my mother.
I hate people upsetting my mother.
This is stressing me out so much and there is thunder outside right now which terrifies me.
fursona :)
Posted 12 years agoJust saw the first sketch of my fursona <3 <3 <3
just....fffff....so cute
just....fffff....so cute
