Depression has been kicking my ass all week making me feel unworthy of love and that I should just give up changing my ways before I even have a chance. I was blind to how I was treating the yinglet I had feelings for. It all came to a head and I have been battling severe depression since then constantly assaulting me with negative thoughts and feelings of shame and guilt and I don't know how to get it shut the fuck up. All they want me to do is become a better person and I want that. I am working on not being clingy and jealous since those things pushed them away. We're still friends since we do care a lot about each other. We've known each other since the late 90s.

https://youtu.be/bQcL0t73O5Y?si=AIzs5FXyyrZEGjDU

This is what you voted for. You can unwatch me now.

As far as I'm concerned Biden handed Trump the election. The entire Democratic Party let him do it. This is why we need to stop electing old men who should be in a nursing home! That goes for Trump, too. His brain is also mush.

As for you Republican furries, Project 2025 is on you if any of it passes, especially the porn ban. That is a slippery slope to undermining the FIRST AMENDMENT. I'd start downloading all my favorite gay porn if I were you. That's big if though.

The Democratic Party demonstrated a spectacular failure to strategize and pick a candidate that can keep from misidentifying world leaders, keep their foot out of their mouth, and play the Electoral College game like the GOP has been so good at in the past. Land doesn't vote? Yeah but all those fours add up.

I am scared for myself and my friends thanks to you Republicans, because if The Heritage Foundation can't get their shit agenda passed on the federal level they will do it on the state level. Every LGBT suicide in the coming years is your fault. Every hate crime coming is indirectly your fault. If FA, e621, and other furry sites are deemed pornographic and banned, that's your fault. If I am labeled an enemy of the state and they come for me, that's your fault. You might as well unfollow me. Block me even. If I lose friends over this, then you weren't worth being my friend.

I got to run Orisee in a Pathfinder game. The hunter handled himself pretty well fighting zombies. In spite of his background and the destruction of his enclave he came through in the end to try to help humans and elves instead of take some revenge. He still worries the current zombie apocalypse will somehow be blamed on him.

Considering getting some, but I don't know who to talk to.

https://www.furaffinity.net/journal/10893582/

I know not many pay attention to what I post here, but I am trying to get the word out. This is in regards to my previous post.

Someone broke into Dolph's storage unit and stole a number of things from him including his fursuit, Woodwind. So if you see it posted here or for sale anywhere or in any of the various Twitter and Facebook groups, please report it.

I have discovered Out of Placers and am considering a yinglet OC. I have considered a yinglet Starfleet officer ("My people have come a long way from eating ze dilizhium crystals.") or a yinglet Rebel A-wing pilot who will fly anything but loves the A-wing because it is small, fast, and nimble like him ("Zey killed my matriarch and drove me from my enclave.").

Seeing as my favorite yinglets are Kattajak and Beizel, maybe a yinglet in Section 31 or part of Alliance Intelligence under Crix Madine? A yinglet in Section 31 would drive Franklin Drake insane (he deserves it). Outside of the KDF tutorial in Star Trek Online, Drake doesn't get used much anymore which is a shame. You can find him hanging around the Krenim station in a couple of the Iconian War missions and listen to his intelligence briefings in the one Ferengi mission in the Gamma Quadrant arc.

I need a place to stay in the Tyler, TX area. Where I am now is not livable.

https://youtu.be/KABGUErt7zM

Tolkien is reciting the Black Speech in his grave while rolling thunderously. This is the exact shit he was afraid of and why they had to wait until after he died to start making movies. Fuck you, Amazon. Fuck you. Create something original, you stupid orcs. Oh wait, you are the real life Morgoth. Like him you can't.

Avoid I-35 especially north of Ft. Worth.

Been playing the Avali in Starbound lately. Now I would love to see them in Star Trek Online. Maybe they're pressed hard by the Iconians during the Iconian War. They're used to doing things on their own, like most other species in the Delta Quadrant. They hold off the Voth and even give the rearmed Vaadwaur pause, but the Iconians overwhelm them with sheer numbers of Heralds. They reach out to the Delta Alliance for help. The player gets sent along with the Enterprise, the Lleiset, and the Bortas'que. Saving the Avali homeworld could reward the player with am avali bridge officer and several avali duty officers (part of the BOFF's pack) and the ability to create an avali character.

I just moved here.

I still live with the though that my stretch marks are the reason people meet me then decide they don't want me. I still have that psychological damage and no experiences to change that. Always someone that I love, too. I am so very starved for physical affection. Fuck Covid I need to be hugged and held. Too bad I am too much of a coward to end it. I have a phobia of death; an actual phobia from a cluster of deaths in my family that all happened within the span of two years. Yeah so I am cursed with this shitty existence with a phobia, anxiety, and depression and no one to lean on. The people I share a house with are hostile to me as well. They have said mean things about me when they think I don't hear them. They have wished death upon me. Being drunk is not an excuse for that.

That's the sound of angry Texans digging out of the snow. Now we march on ERCOT.

Yay for loneliness, depression, and every couple flaunting their relationship today. Also yay for ice in Texas.

https://www.banyanmentalhealth.com/.....ay-depression/

Why does the gaming community have to be so toxic? Can we not kick out the kids and teens that think it's cool to abuse people in games? People with mental health issues play games, too. You rubbing their noses in their failures does not make you look cool. It makes you look like the asshole you really are.

What has me feeling so depressed I am physically ill and still wishing for death? The power being turned off all the fucking time. Not being able to find a job. Begging (yall seriously think I like asking for money?). Being made to feel guilty for begging. Not getting a damned hug for literal years. No one touches me. No one holds me. I fucking hate living like this!

gf.me/u/xbfz5d

Oh. I'm sorry. Should I get to know half the fandom before asking for help? Got reamed in the SFW Texas Telegram chat for posting. Because I don't sit around on Telegram all day yiffing and chatting about meaningless shit with randoms. And god forbid it takes me more than 1 second to respond. Fuck that. I have other interests.

This pandemic has not been good for those of us with mental illnesses and no one to spend it with. Hence why my antidepressants don't seem to be working. I am feeling very unloved. To top it off I reach out to relatives for help and get bitched at making me feel like even more of a burden. I have no one to snuggle with or to hold me. I am very much alone and isolated without the means to change that (it takes money). I am just this side of homeless. I wish I was dead, but I'm too much of a coward to do something about breathing. So hug the people who need a hug, a real hug not a virtual one. Check on them...in person. I said in person, not by text or a phone call. Checking on them by those other means is only okay if you live too far to drive in one day.

I miss Meraesha and Tristan.

Do the right thing. That ych or that con can wait.

gf.me/u/xbfz5d

gf.me/u/xbfz5d

Please donate.

"it’s not hate, it not supporting a lifestyle choice that is a pure lifestyle of sin... but yet your post about the book and so on says much about you also.....hate is throwing a gay person off the highest building.."

This was said to me over Facebook last night. And you wonder why I hate organized religion. I did wind up reporting this person to Facebook and sending a copy of the above to his employer. Given his employer is a university hospital I think they need to know what kind of trash they're hiring and putting in a position to see patient records. Murder does not require hate. Discrimination does. Denial and removal of rights does. Removal of employment protections does. Violence requires hate, but murder? Many murders have been committed without hate ever entering the picture. And you wonder why I despise organized religion. Organized religion has such a low barrier of entry that the thing that wrote the quote above was allowed in. This thing thinks in the same way as those that strap a bomb to themselves and blow themselves up in crowded markets. This thing is only held in constraint by an ancient book telling him what's right and what's wrong. That's very scary. I don't need a book to tell me what's good and what's bad and any god that needs to use the threat of eternal punishment is not one worth worshipping.


Besides, if god exists, who are we to tell an omnipotent being they can't change their mind and must be bound by something they said thousands of years ago? If god can't change his mind, then he's not a god. He's a slave.

I am still sore at not being able to game with the local furries due to having a job and having to work evenings because no one wants to see the janitor cleaning up after them. I am tired of having no social life though. It's a very lonely existence. No one calls me. No one texts me unless they need something. I would like to be held just once, held and cuddled. I don't even get that. I have to beg for money for stuff I need instead.