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Open commissions + more life changes.
General | Posted 5 years agoHad to move again... people we were staying with stopped taking Covid seriously, husband and I both are high risk so we can't deal with that. Staying much further south now with another partner and good friends. It's a lot nicer here in some ways.
The process of moving made money tighter and also turned art into my primary income. So I'll be taking commissions for the foreseeable future. Please note me if you're interested in that and I'll give you an email we can take it to.
I hope everyone else is doing ok. Have a friend who might have gotten reinfected. :< Not a fan of this year so far.
The process of moving made money tighter and also turned art into my primary income. So I'll be taking commissions for the foreseeable future. Please note me if you're interested in that and I'll give you an email we can take it to.
I hope everyone else is doing ok. Have a friend who might have gotten reinfected. :< Not a fan of this year so far.
Oops, notes were off.
General | Posted 5 years agoApparently i had notes off. Explains a lot. Fixed. I still am only talking over email and SL really. But I also don't really wanna post my email address in public lol, so note me for that kind of thing.
Life update I guess.
General | Posted 5 years agoA lot of you following me here have done so for a while over a few names and accounts, and probably already knew or guessed I had some severe mental problems. And while I've never been at a loss to recognize and tag them for study per se, I've never been able to afford therapy until recently, or been medicated long enough to figure out for sure what's truly in my *head* vs. what's noise from background stress.
It doesn't help that in the past few years I've become...reticent at best about my issues, for several reasons. At any rate, I have a name and fairly well-fitting description for one of the most socially obnoxious parts of my head case now. Which means I can finally engineer a coherent plan for managing it, instead of continuing in this awful boom-bust cycle of seclusion on-and-on...
An ingredient of that plan is not using instant messengers anymore, at least for the time being. Counterintuitively -- very counterintuitively, for someone who socializes almost exclusively online -- since I stopped, I've actually found I'm -less- reclusive, more gregarious, and more able to pay direct attention to what conversations I do have. The logic of it is convoluted in the ways typical of the insane, but you have to untangle the headphone cables at some point, so to speak. And it's working.
For now, the chief exception is Second Life, largely because instead of one-on-one chat where all focus is on the other person, it's a virtual *space* where there's other things to do, you can only be in one place at a time, and you can just leave if you want. (Assuming people don't insist on having long conversations with you in IM, of course.) Things like social MUDs also tick off these boxes, but ... I haven't found any that are both living and overlap my interests.
All personalities push away some kinds of experiences -- and people -- and draw others, and that's reflected equally at the extremes and the middles. If you recluse hard enough long enough, eventually all your encounters will skew negative, like the opposite of rosy glasses. I've already started to see this 'compounding interest' in my life the past few years. I don't like it.
I hope some people I was only in touch with on services like Discord see this. I miss you, and I'm sorry I'm not more upfront or explicit about my intent. I don't entirely trust -myself-, and there's a thick icing of paranoia and poor memory on top of it. If you use email or Second Life, please, send me a note so I can give you my contact info. (I also don't mind tutoring people in how to use SL if it was something you were already interested in, and as long as you're patient. It's kind of a microcosm.)
Opening up about all this, and not operating on the belief no one ought to give a shit (*or* that my openness invites pity, among other unwanted sentiments), is also part of the "treatment plan". I'm sure some people find this kind of 'life update' obnoxious. Fuck, I find it kind of obnoxious. But it's medical, so... you can join me in choking on it.
It's really bizarre to think about my life situation right now. Yeah, the current situation in terms of 'world events' is hideous, but from where I stand, 3 years ago I was hungry, skirting homelessness, and absolutely out of my mind. Now, my living situation is hardly ideal, but I can get good quality food on a regular basis, I have a doctor I can call or visit if I need to, I can walk around freely in nature, and ... I sleep on a mattress instead of the floor. One of the many reasons I stopped talking about it is because a lot of people don't know how to think or act about such a miserable experience, while at the same time all I can think of are all the people I know had it worse.
By the way - I live in one of the worse areas of the US for Covid, but I'm fine. The flip-side of getting hit early is that people here take it pretty seriously now - my in-laws are being negligently stupid, but it's simple neglect, not belligerent 'anti mask protest' or anything like that. It's still stressful, but I was a recluse before the quarantine, so not much has changed, some groceries are harder to find (seltzer...???) but that's about all. I'm thankful for my access to vast wilderness.
It doesn't help that in the past few years I've become...reticent at best about my issues, for several reasons. At any rate, I have a name and fairly well-fitting description for one of the most socially obnoxious parts of my head case now. Which means I can finally engineer a coherent plan for managing it, instead of continuing in this awful boom-bust cycle of seclusion on-and-on...
An ingredient of that plan is not using instant messengers anymore, at least for the time being. Counterintuitively -- very counterintuitively, for someone who socializes almost exclusively online -- since I stopped, I've actually found I'm -less- reclusive, more gregarious, and more able to pay direct attention to what conversations I do have. The logic of it is convoluted in the ways typical of the insane, but you have to untangle the headphone cables at some point, so to speak. And it's working.
For now, the chief exception is Second Life, largely because instead of one-on-one chat where all focus is on the other person, it's a virtual *space* where there's other things to do, you can only be in one place at a time, and you can just leave if you want. (Assuming people don't insist on having long conversations with you in IM, of course.) Things like social MUDs also tick off these boxes, but ... I haven't found any that are both living and overlap my interests.
All personalities push away some kinds of experiences -- and people -- and draw others, and that's reflected equally at the extremes and the middles. If you recluse hard enough long enough, eventually all your encounters will skew negative, like the opposite of rosy glasses. I've already started to see this 'compounding interest' in my life the past few years. I don't like it.
I hope some people I was only in touch with on services like Discord see this. I miss you, and I'm sorry I'm not more upfront or explicit about my intent. I don't entirely trust -myself-, and there's a thick icing of paranoia and poor memory on top of it. If you use email or Second Life, please, send me a note so I can give you my contact info. (I also don't mind tutoring people in how to use SL if it was something you were already interested in, and as long as you're patient. It's kind of a microcosm.)
Opening up about all this, and not operating on the belief no one ought to give a shit (*or* that my openness invites pity, among other unwanted sentiments), is also part of the "treatment plan". I'm sure some people find this kind of 'life update' obnoxious. Fuck, I find it kind of obnoxious. But it's medical, so... you can join me in choking on it.
It's really bizarre to think about my life situation right now. Yeah, the current situation in terms of 'world events' is hideous, but from where I stand, 3 years ago I was hungry, skirting homelessness, and absolutely out of my mind. Now, my living situation is hardly ideal, but I can get good quality food on a regular basis, I have a doctor I can call or visit if I need to, I can walk around freely in nature, and ... I sleep on a mattress instead of the floor. One of the many reasons I stopped talking about it is because a lot of people don't know how to think or act about such a miserable experience, while at the same time all I can think of are all the people I know had it worse.
By the way - I live in one of the worse areas of the US for Covid, but I'm fine. The flip-side of getting hit early is that people here take it pretty seriously now - my in-laws are being negligently stupid, but it's simple neglect, not belligerent 'anti mask protest' or anything like that. It's still stressful, but I was a recluse before the quarantine, so not much has changed, some groceries are harder to find (seltzer...???) but that's about all. I'm thankful for my access to vast wilderness.
