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2022 retrospective
Posted 3 years agoSup Bitch,
[For any bystanders that read that journal, again, know that a write this so my future self can come back and discover how wrong I was. Who is reading that anyway lol]
Well well, that was a strange year for sure. New position new responsibilities new messes to clean. It started rough, didn't it? A year of covid back-orders to deliver alone with a small team. You didn’t know what to do, and frankly you didn’t think you were supposed to have that position. In the end maybe you were right but you got through it huh are we proud? :/ . Then the economy was in the gutter, the price of transport skyrocketed, and you needed to find a new job.
The truth is that job sucked. It was far, the product and the work was boring, but the people, they were great. That team was MY team. I met new people and made strong friendships. I do not have any regrets working there. The 2 years I spent there I learned a lot. Not about boring career stuff, ugh, but about being a better man.
On the Art side, I didn’t do much. My time melted away, the job and traffic burnt me out. The little free time I had left was spent elsewhere. Well, you see I thought I had no time (well, I did spent 10 - 15 hours per week in traffic) but in the end it was more of an excuse than an explanation.
I started the year with a little exercise that I liked, but I didn’t do for long. I would have liked to do more, but I didn’t continue. It was fine, but I’m not sure I’m going to come back to it. Then in like late February I decided to make one big piece instead of little ones (Sally 2022) but I think it was too ambitious and I really didn’t like working on it. I changed it by the end to post it, but background was supposed to be a lot more elaborate. Eh, better luck next time.
I did start other projects though. I started physical painting, which is cool, I need to continue that actually. I started woodworking, and I sold stuff to people, its not much but its honest work. I started to sell other stuff on amazon and planning to build my kinky empire. It’s almost nothing but sales are sales. I also started things I never thought I would….
Never in my life I would have put a foot in the gym…. But I did
Never in my life I would take the time to cook meals…. But I did
Never in my life I would quit Alcohol…. Yet I did
Never in my life my I would go out there and date women…. Sigh, rough start, but I did, and I am going to continue am I?….
I should talk about her, do I?
This is tough I don’t know what to say here. I am not sad, I am not angry, I’m just disappointed. I met someone that was pretty, smart and if it was just that I would have probably ignored her or not even try something, but she was so much more. We shared interest skills and hobbies. Heck we even shared addiction and criminal records (nothing bad, but still). We are both at the same point in life have the same views on the future. She wants to buy the same type of business as I do?? Who wants that!? She was like me; I did not even think that was possible. The perfect partner I always looked for. Yet, that match made in heaven didn’t work out. I had a still target 25m in front of me and I took a shot (twice) and missed. The thing is she wasn’t cold, she definitely had an interest in me, but not a romantic one.
That rejection did not break me, it might have even kickstarted things I would I never do without her influence. It's irrelevant to think about why it didn’t work out, I need to move forward, but if it's because I wasn’t on the top of my game, I’ll make sure that there is no doubt about that aspect ever again.
Never again ill let a person like that go, and I don’t say that in a creepy way like I will pursue women to the end of the world, but more like I will be my best self when I meet someone, and if it doesn’t work out, there is nothing more I could have done.
She was strange, awkward there was something wrong with her and talking to her was like speaking in front of a mirror. This means there is something wrong with me, I know there is and digging this out I realize it’s a lot more complicated than I anticipated. I have to reach for help, but getting therapy is a lot harder than I thought, it might took months even years…
Anyway, prediction for the year. My last prediction was off by a mile and this one will probably will.
I'll definitely make a couple of pieces for sure now that I have time to draw. I already started on one or two and it’s going well so we will see.
I will continue the routines I started. It's already been a couple of months, it won't be hard to extend it for a year and beyond.
I think Ill start journalling. I have already a couple ones for other aspect but I think ill do one for myself. I starting to see the benefits of it, and I like it a lot.
I do not know what else. We will see.
Turns out I started a new Art piece that is very difficult to achieve,
Myself,
and its about damn time.
[For any bystanders that read that journal, again, know that a write this so my future self can come back and discover how wrong I was. Who is reading that anyway lol]
Well well, that was a strange year for sure. New position new responsibilities new messes to clean. It started rough, didn't it? A year of covid back-orders to deliver alone with a small team. You didn’t know what to do, and frankly you didn’t think you were supposed to have that position. In the end maybe you were right but you got through it huh are we proud? :/ . Then the economy was in the gutter, the price of transport skyrocketed, and you needed to find a new job.
The truth is that job sucked. It was far, the product and the work was boring, but the people, they were great. That team was MY team. I met new people and made strong friendships. I do not have any regrets working there. The 2 years I spent there I learned a lot. Not about boring career stuff, ugh, but about being a better man.
On the Art side, I didn’t do much. My time melted away, the job and traffic burnt me out. The little free time I had left was spent elsewhere. Well, you see I thought I had no time (well, I did spent 10 - 15 hours per week in traffic) but in the end it was more of an excuse than an explanation.
I started the year with a little exercise that I liked, but I didn’t do for long. I would have liked to do more, but I didn’t continue. It was fine, but I’m not sure I’m going to come back to it. Then in like late February I decided to make one big piece instead of little ones (Sally 2022) but I think it was too ambitious and I really didn’t like working on it. I changed it by the end to post it, but background was supposed to be a lot more elaborate. Eh, better luck next time.
I did start other projects though. I started physical painting, which is cool, I need to continue that actually. I started woodworking, and I sold stuff to people, its not much but its honest work. I started to sell other stuff on amazon and planning to build my kinky empire. It’s almost nothing but sales are sales. I also started things I never thought I would….
Never in my life I would have put a foot in the gym…. But I did
Never in my life I would take the time to cook meals…. But I did
Never in my life I would quit Alcohol…. Yet I did
Never in my life my I would go out there and date women…. Sigh, rough start, but I did, and I am going to continue am I?….
I should talk about her, do I?
This is tough I don’t know what to say here. I am not sad, I am not angry, I’m just disappointed. I met someone that was pretty, smart and if it was just that I would have probably ignored her or not even try something, but she was so much more. We shared interest skills and hobbies. Heck we even shared addiction and criminal records (nothing bad, but still). We are both at the same point in life have the same views on the future. She wants to buy the same type of business as I do?? Who wants that!? She was like me; I did not even think that was possible. The perfect partner I always looked for. Yet, that match made in heaven didn’t work out. I had a still target 25m in front of me and I took a shot (twice) and missed. The thing is she wasn’t cold, she definitely had an interest in me, but not a romantic one.
That rejection did not break me, it might have even kickstarted things I would I never do without her influence. It's irrelevant to think about why it didn’t work out, I need to move forward, but if it's because I wasn’t on the top of my game, I’ll make sure that there is no doubt about that aspect ever again.
Never again ill let a person like that go, and I don’t say that in a creepy way like I will pursue women to the end of the world, but more like I will be my best self when I meet someone, and if it doesn’t work out, there is nothing more I could have done.
She was strange, awkward there was something wrong with her and talking to her was like speaking in front of a mirror. This means there is something wrong with me, I know there is and digging this out I realize it’s a lot more complicated than I anticipated. I have to reach for help, but getting therapy is a lot harder than I thought, it might took months even years…
Anyway, prediction for the year. My last prediction was off by a mile and this one will probably will.
I'll definitely make a couple of pieces for sure now that I have time to draw. I already started on one or two and it’s going well so we will see.
I will continue the routines I started. It's already been a couple of months, it won't be hard to extend it for a year and beyond.
I think Ill start journalling. I have already a couple ones for other aspect but I think ill do one for myself. I starting to see the benefits of it, and I like it a lot.
I do not know what else. We will see.
Turns out I started a new Art piece that is very difficult to achieve,
Myself,
and its about damn time.
2021 retrospective
Posted 4 years agoSup asshole,
[For any bystander that happen to read this journal this is not addressed to you it is addressed to my degenerate future self who is probably ashamed and disappointed of who I am and scared of what I will become. You can continue reading and maybe find some entertainment in it.]
What a strange year. I could not predict where I would end up, and what I would do. The beginning of 2021 seems so far away. It seems like 10 years ago. I manage to get a house and a promotion making me the boss? A bit unbelievable, I might say, but it is what it is.
Let’s talk about Art, well, what I consider art, anyone could decide otherwise, and it would be totally valid. My objective for the year was to make 10 pieces. No matter what happened, you start, you finish. I am exceptionally good at half projects, so this was a difficult challenge. At first it was more than feasible I could output 2 piece a month but then my time started to evaporate. I still managed to make it through. I consider it a success. I allow myself to be proud of what I have done.
Let’s go back to December 2020 when I posted my first piece. I am drawing semi-seriously for 5 years and I never got anything posted nor finished any piece and feeling myself plateau. I needed to push myself. I got a new job, so might as well start something else new. I started, finished, and posted my first piece.
Krystal December 2020
That piece was inspired by a vision. Nothing magical, I just sometime get a glimpse of what I want to do, and this is the first time I manage to pull it off. She still looks great; I was kind of mind blown by this piece at first. It was the very first time I was able to make something like this. It felt a bit unreal like it wasn’t me but here it is.
I was stressed to post it I didn’t know what to expect, it was like exposing a huge chunk of myself to the elements. Making myself vulnerable. There was no turning back now. We go one way on this ship and its forward.
I did put a lot of time on it. Maybe 40 hours +. It is technical and I thought it was impressive. I expected feedback, acclaim maybe, certainly hate, I was so naïve. Let me present you something worst. Absolute indifference. I didn’t understand at first, ill come back to it.
Oh, and there is an NSFW of this piece if you find it.
Lola December 2020
2 pieces in one month? Where the hell did you found all that spare time?? Man, I wish I was you… wait.
The series was named “I hope it doesn’t awaken something in me” and Lola awoke something in other people. I was too young at the time, but I can understand what that character could do to a pubescent brain.
Looking back man this was a strong piece. Background is rubbish. [All my backgrounds are rubbish btw, they are there so I can decide where the light is coming from. Its that or nothing, so might as well get some practice in. I’ve seen worst.] I would change the face a bit, its not perfect probably uncanny. The fur and hair are looking good, golden. Clothes too. I did put a lot of time in this one. I like it, she is great.
Sally Acorn January 2021
This one I love; I still believe its my strongest piece. Guess what I was drawing before I started this whole adventure, a lot of Sallies. Everyone has an anchor, she was mine. Its not even a childhood crush I started to read OG sonic comics in my twenties, and I found her to be great character. I tried drawing her, I wasn’t very good at first but with time…
I have nothing bad to say about this one. She looks sharp, strong, imposing but still sweet.
Undyne January 2021
Another piece in the same month? You motivated mofo. I wish I had your powers… hang on.
A monster Girl, yes! I had fun with this one. Undertale art style is particular to translate. I had to transform her pixelized form into a full fledge toned fish lady warrior. She might look scary (well, she is a monster) its because I have a hard time with uncanniness. My threshold goes far. I will find beauty in uncanny stuff while others will find it off-putting or scary. Eh, its like being colorblind but for faces. I’m also not super good with human faces. I practice but it takes time.
Her hair though, dang I think it makes the whole piece. It just flows and give her personality. Ill come back to this for sure.
Loona February 2021
Who is that furry wolf that I have seen everywhere?
Should not have asked that question. To be fair Vizipop does know their furry bait.
I am not too satisfied with this piece. Its not the soft little anger ball that is Loona. Her face doesn’t work. The fur is rough, I never had a strong method for doing fur I always tries a couple of things to make it work and it takes a ton of time. I need to sit down and figure it out.
Ill come back to you Loonie, well I did but not in that form. Ill give you justice.
Sandy cheeks April 2021
Another vison. I don’t know when and how but it happens. I realized sandy was a furry and the rest is just history.
She cute though, those maroon eyes, sells the piece for me. She has some mesmerizing assets too.
Fur is rough and at that point I think I decided to put that aspect aside. Its takes too much time and doesn’t make the piece look any better. Time was starting to be a valuable resource.
I am proud of this one, it’s a dumb idea, cursed even.
Sallie May July 2021
This one I got a ton of feedback ishh…. They were a bit cruel with it. Its fine I appreciated the feedback, finally I had some engagement. Why, well I kind of messed up the face. Look, she still looks fine to me. She is an imp and you should look at the reference, a did a job. Not the best one.
I didn’t mess up the muscles though. Those abs and arms, mmmm hug me.
But I would come back with more, I swore.
Human Loona September 2021
3 pieces of helluvaboss this year. Its not a show that I particularly love, but it permitted me to follow the bandwagon. Art style is nice, and characters are cool and interesting.
Since I am so bad with human faces, I decided to double down on it. Practice and push. How bad could it go?
Thigh high skimpy freckled goth lady? She is hot, I don’t care about your opinion.
Jokes aside, I like it best Girl I did ever. Turns out I never had any feedback for this one. I expected Reddit to destroy the piece like they did with the other, but it got caught in the spam filter. I gave up trying to post it there.
Eh
Rouge October 2021
Can I make a Halloween piece? What? Rouge, yes!
This one was only about try to make it in time for Halloween. And I did. The challenge was the low light setting. I am not quite good with lighting yet; it is definitely something will work on in the next year because it is a strong aspect for realistic artwork which I sadly still want to do.
Krystal December 2021
Here we go Krys, we made it through a year.
This one is symbolic; I started the year with Krystal, and I am ending with her.
I don’t have much to say. Its pretty fresh still sooo. Nice gun
2022
6 hours left to 2022, what’s next?
What is my art exactly? What is the end goal? I don’t know. I do realism, well this year I did realism. It is an artstyle that cost a lot of my time, thing that I have less and less.
My objective for 2021 was posting and finishing stuff. 2022 will be output. I don’t think I will make many 8k wallpaper next year (not that anyone wanted those anyway lol).
Realism is dope though, translating cartoon and obscure characters to life is rewarding, I love it and it is not going away. I need to try something new though.
Commission comes to mind, nothing extravagant, like 5$ ones to force me to work in a certain direction and pull me out from my comfort zone.
Idk. Time will tell.
Did I make progress this year? Yes, I think so. can I allow myself to be proud? One day.
What I want to do is ambitious, but always remember that corpses littering mount Everest were ambitious people too.
[For any bystander that happen to read this journal this is not addressed to you it is addressed to my degenerate future self who is probably ashamed and disappointed of who I am and scared of what I will become. You can continue reading and maybe find some entertainment in it.]
What a strange year. I could not predict where I would end up, and what I would do. The beginning of 2021 seems so far away. It seems like 10 years ago. I manage to get a house and a promotion making me the boss? A bit unbelievable, I might say, but it is what it is.
Let’s talk about Art, well, what I consider art, anyone could decide otherwise, and it would be totally valid. My objective for the year was to make 10 pieces. No matter what happened, you start, you finish. I am exceptionally good at half projects, so this was a difficult challenge. At first it was more than feasible I could output 2 piece a month but then my time started to evaporate. I still managed to make it through. I consider it a success. I allow myself to be proud of what I have done.
Let’s go back to December 2020 when I posted my first piece. I am drawing semi-seriously for 5 years and I never got anything posted nor finished any piece and feeling myself plateau. I needed to push myself. I got a new job, so might as well start something else new. I started, finished, and posted my first piece.
Krystal December 2020
That piece was inspired by a vision. Nothing magical, I just sometime get a glimpse of what I want to do, and this is the first time I manage to pull it off. She still looks great; I was kind of mind blown by this piece at first. It was the very first time I was able to make something like this. It felt a bit unreal like it wasn’t me but here it is.
I was stressed to post it I didn’t know what to expect, it was like exposing a huge chunk of myself to the elements. Making myself vulnerable. There was no turning back now. We go one way on this ship and its forward.
I did put a lot of time on it. Maybe 40 hours +. It is technical and I thought it was impressive. I expected feedback, acclaim maybe, certainly hate, I was so naïve. Let me present you something worst. Absolute indifference. I didn’t understand at first, ill come back to it.
Oh, and there is an NSFW of this piece if you find it.
Lola December 2020
2 pieces in one month? Where the hell did you found all that spare time?? Man, I wish I was you… wait.
The series was named “I hope it doesn’t awaken something in me” and Lola awoke something in other people. I was too young at the time, but I can understand what that character could do to a pubescent brain.
Looking back man this was a strong piece. Background is rubbish. [All my backgrounds are rubbish btw, they are there so I can decide where the light is coming from. Its that or nothing, so might as well get some practice in. I’ve seen worst.] I would change the face a bit, its not perfect probably uncanny. The fur and hair are looking good, golden. Clothes too. I did put a lot of time in this one. I like it, she is great.
Sally Acorn January 2021
This one I love; I still believe its my strongest piece. Guess what I was drawing before I started this whole adventure, a lot of Sallies. Everyone has an anchor, she was mine. Its not even a childhood crush I started to read OG sonic comics in my twenties, and I found her to be great character. I tried drawing her, I wasn’t very good at first but with time…
I have nothing bad to say about this one. She looks sharp, strong, imposing but still sweet.
Undyne January 2021
Another piece in the same month? You motivated mofo. I wish I had your powers… hang on.
A monster Girl, yes! I had fun with this one. Undertale art style is particular to translate. I had to transform her pixelized form into a full fledge toned fish lady warrior. She might look scary (well, she is a monster) its because I have a hard time with uncanniness. My threshold goes far. I will find beauty in uncanny stuff while others will find it off-putting or scary. Eh, its like being colorblind but for faces. I’m also not super good with human faces. I practice but it takes time.
Her hair though, dang I think it makes the whole piece. It just flows and give her personality. Ill come back to this for sure.
Loona February 2021
Who is that furry wolf that I have seen everywhere?
Should not have asked that question. To be fair Vizipop does know their furry bait.
I am not too satisfied with this piece. Its not the soft little anger ball that is Loona. Her face doesn’t work. The fur is rough, I never had a strong method for doing fur I always tries a couple of things to make it work and it takes a ton of time. I need to sit down and figure it out.
Ill come back to you Loonie, well I did but not in that form. Ill give you justice.
Sandy cheeks April 2021
Another vison. I don’t know when and how but it happens. I realized sandy was a furry and the rest is just history.
She cute though, those maroon eyes, sells the piece for me. She has some mesmerizing assets too.
Fur is rough and at that point I think I decided to put that aspect aside. Its takes too much time and doesn’t make the piece look any better. Time was starting to be a valuable resource.
I am proud of this one, it’s a dumb idea, cursed even.
Sallie May July 2021
This one I got a ton of feedback ishh…. They were a bit cruel with it. Its fine I appreciated the feedback, finally I had some engagement. Why, well I kind of messed up the face. Look, she still looks fine to me. She is an imp and you should look at the reference, a did a job. Not the best one.
I didn’t mess up the muscles though. Those abs and arms, mmmm hug me.
But I would come back with more, I swore.
Human Loona September 2021
3 pieces of helluvaboss this year. Its not a show that I particularly love, but it permitted me to follow the bandwagon. Art style is nice, and characters are cool and interesting.
Since I am so bad with human faces, I decided to double down on it. Practice and push. How bad could it go?
Thigh high skimpy freckled goth lady? She is hot, I don’t care about your opinion.
Jokes aside, I like it best Girl I did ever. Turns out I never had any feedback for this one. I expected Reddit to destroy the piece like they did with the other, but it got caught in the spam filter. I gave up trying to post it there.
Eh
Rouge October 2021
Can I make a Halloween piece? What? Rouge, yes!
This one was only about try to make it in time for Halloween. And I did. The challenge was the low light setting. I am not quite good with lighting yet; it is definitely something will work on in the next year because it is a strong aspect for realistic artwork which I sadly still want to do.
Krystal December 2021
Here we go Krys, we made it through a year.
This one is symbolic; I started the year with Krystal, and I am ending with her.
I don’t have much to say. Its pretty fresh still sooo. Nice gun
2022
6 hours left to 2022, what’s next?
What is my art exactly? What is the end goal? I don’t know. I do realism, well this year I did realism. It is an artstyle that cost a lot of my time, thing that I have less and less.
My objective for 2021 was posting and finishing stuff. 2022 will be output. I don’t think I will make many 8k wallpaper next year (not that anyone wanted those anyway lol).
Realism is dope though, translating cartoon and obscure characters to life is rewarding, I love it and it is not going away. I need to try something new though.
Commission comes to mind, nothing extravagant, like 5$ ones to force me to work in a certain direction and pull me out from my comfort zone.
Idk. Time will tell.
Did I make progress this year? Yes, I think so. can I allow myself to be proud? One day.
What I want to do is ambitious, but always remember that corpses littering mount Everest were ambitious people too.
