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34 tomorrow!
Posted 3 years agoIt’s my birthday tomorrow, 34 haha where did all those years go? Should be a good day, I’ll be spending most of it at my sisters, she’s having a party for my niece who’s 10 on Monday so I’m getting a party in a way although it’s all for her, can’t believe she’s that old already. Then after when I’m home it’s snuggles and games/films with my boyfriend so yeah should be a good birthday this year :)
2020 almost over
Posted 5 years agoSo 2020 is almost over so thought I'd do a journal to sum up this year for me. In one word I'd say it was crappy. To be fair though I guess it's ben that way for most. The worst part about this year has to be not seeing my family for a large part of it due to the pandemic. It's not so bad now as I can see them a bit more, only downside is they live away from me so travelling can be awkward. The lockdown we had in the UK hit me pretty hard, getting diagnosed with anxiety and depression at the beginning of the year at least gave me reasons for feeling the way I do, the lockdown itself didn't help with that. It definitely put a little strain on my relationship with my boyfriend too, being cooped up for months with each other did cause some friction, our relationship is stronger than that though at least and we did get through it.
My biggest way of getting through this year though was video games, especially at the beginning, I'm so glad I had Final Fantasy VII Remake and Pokemon Mystery Dungeon DX to escape with, those among others were what kept my mind occupied. I never realised how much I needed my phone before too, I've never been a big phone person, every phone I've owned has been handed down to me haha, but being able to video call my family and text friends did help keep my sanity in check :) And when I finally got to see my family in person back in September it was amazing, especially from my nieces, they couldn't stop hugging me. They are still like that every time I see them now, though they mostly like bossing me around on Minecraft.
My Birthday back in May was pretty uneventful, I treated myself to Spiderman on PS4, awesome game by the way, I also got to see my Dad as he dropped off my cards and a few presents, that was really nice even though it was brief.
One thing that has gotten me extremely annoyed this year though is how stupid most people really do seem to be. We had a clap for key workers thing going on in the UK during the lockdown, a pretty pointless thing, I understand the intentions but when you have people applauding on their doorsteps one day for the health workers then the next breaking all the rules it really got annoying fast. Where I live no one has followed the rules bar a select few, and when it was VE day in may the amount of people having parties and drinking made me want to scream with frustration. People really are selfish here.
Hmm what else...well christmas is almost here, to be honest I'm not really feeling so festive this year, I've done my shopping at least and I'm hoping to see family this year again, got to arrange it though but I'm hoping it will all work out. Hoping too that 2021 will be a better year, though the pessimist in me is saying yeah right.
There's probably more I could write but my brain is going that should do, so I hope everyone has a good christmas, or whatever holiday your celebrating.
My biggest way of getting through this year though was video games, especially at the beginning, I'm so glad I had Final Fantasy VII Remake and Pokemon Mystery Dungeon DX to escape with, those among others were what kept my mind occupied. I never realised how much I needed my phone before too, I've never been a big phone person, every phone I've owned has been handed down to me haha, but being able to video call my family and text friends did help keep my sanity in check :) And when I finally got to see my family in person back in September it was amazing, especially from my nieces, they couldn't stop hugging me. They are still like that every time I see them now, though they mostly like bossing me around on Minecraft.
My Birthday back in May was pretty uneventful, I treated myself to Spiderman on PS4, awesome game by the way, I also got to see my Dad as he dropped off my cards and a few presents, that was really nice even though it was brief.
One thing that has gotten me extremely annoyed this year though is how stupid most people really do seem to be. We had a clap for key workers thing going on in the UK during the lockdown, a pretty pointless thing, I understand the intentions but when you have people applauding on their doorsteps one day for the health workers then the next breaking all the rules it really got annoying fast. Where I live no one has followed the rules bar a select few, and when it was VE day in may the amount of people having parties and drinking made me want to scream with frustration. People really are selfish here.
Hmm what else...well christmas is almost here, to be honest I'm not really feeling so festive this year, I've done my shopping at least and I'm hoping to see family this year again, got to arrange it though but I'm hoping it will all work out. Hoping too that 2021 will be a better year, though the pessimist in me is saying yeah right.
There's probably more I could write but my brain is going that should do, so I hope everyone has a good christmas, or whatever holiday your celebrating.
Life updates and such.
Posted 5 years agoSo yeah, haven't posted a new journal in forever so thought I'd do one now and give a sort of life update. Right now not much is happening due to the UK being in lockdown due to Covid19, so mostly been staying in unless I need to run out and get something from the shops.
On a slightly better note this year has actually been a little better than the last so far, we were able to get rid of our upstairs neighbor in December after over a year of stress, he was an alcoholic and drug user and the noise was so bad, it actually caused me to be put on anti anxiety drugs and I still haven't fully gotten over it. I'm still a mostly optimistic and positive thinking otter at least, it just still gets hard somedays but I was lucky that I had my family and boyfriend to help me through that.
I'm still gaming pretty hard, right now it's a mix of Pokemon mystery dungeon and Shield and I've been getting back into Skyrim a little. Also I'm hoping to get the Final Fantasy VII Remake game next week if money is good, which it should be. Been dying to play it since I tried the demo.
So yeah, life goes on in it's own way, I also want to hopefully get something done with Deyna soon, been way to long since I've had any art or done any stories with him. Oh and if anyone wants to send me feet/paw pics I'll always approve. Haha I kid of course but I must admit, I've been looking at a lot of feet art lately.
On a slightly better note this year has actually been a little better than the last so far, we were able to get rid of our upstairs neighbor in December after over a year of stress, he was an alcoholic and drug user and the noise was so bad, it actually caused me to be put on anti anxiety drugs and I still haven't fully gotten over it. I'm still a mostly optimistic and positive thinking otter at least, it just still gets hard somedays but I was lucky that I had my family and boyfriend to help me through that.
I'm still gaming pretty hard, right now it's a mix of Pokemon mystery dungeon and Shield and I've been getting back into Skyrim a little. Also I'm hoping to get the Final Fantasy VII Remake game next week if money is good, which it should be. Been dying to play it since I tried the demo.
So yeah, life goes on in it's own way, I also want to hopefully get something done with Deyna soon, been way to long since I've had any art or done any stories with him. Oh and if anyone wants to send me feet/paw pics I'll always approve. Haha I kid of course but I must admit, I've been looking at a lot of feet art lately.
So much want!!!
Posted 10 years agohttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A3sBZ5Nr4hc
New Final Fantasy VII trailer which shows gameplay, sort of reminds me of how Crisis Core plays, either way, too excited and really, really can't wait to play this. The reason I pretty much wanted a PS4 for haha!
New Final Fantasy VII trailer which shows gameplay, sort of reminds me of how Crisis Core plays, either way, too excited and really, really can't wait to play this. The reason I pretty much wanted a PS4 for haha!
Oh yes...oh god yes ^^
Posted 10 years agohttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kznek1uNVsg
*runs around screaming happily*
It's finally happening, they are remaking my favourite game of all time. I still can't get over it haha. I only hope that they keep the gameplay exactly as it is now on the original game, but wow...out of all the things to come out of E3 this has me more excited than I can actually put into words <3
Of course now I actually need to get a PS4 in some way, but one step at a time.
*runs around screaming happily*
It's finally happening, they are remaking my favourite game of all time. I still can't get over it haha. I only hope that they keep the gameplay exactly as it is now on the original game, but wow...out of all the things to come out of E3 this has me more excited than I can actually put into words <3
Of course now I actually need to get a PS4 in some way, but one step at a time.
Ottery 2015 ^^
Posted 10 years agoFirstly happy new year to everyone! Hope it's going to be a great year for you all. I have some good hopes for it myself, I'm also hoping for it to be a more active year for myself, as things i was hoping to happen in 2014 didn't happen for various reasons, so this year I have my fingers crossed for some better luck. One thing I know I want to do for myself is not to overthink as much as I usually do, I'm fed up of the feelings that causes.
2014 was overall an ok year all things considered, I became an uncle to my second niece, took part in a summer work placement thing which was fun among other things. Otherwise it's been the same old here, not much really does seem to change in my life that much, for better or worse there. I kept up my gaming a lot last year, easily my fave game this year has to be Theatrhytym Final Fantasy Curtain Call on 3DS, I enjoyed and am still enjoying it, it's a lot of fun. Also got into a few new bands and artists this year, though AC/DC released my fave album of 2014 easily.
So yeah, I have some hope for 2015, I'm really hoping for a lot of things to change and happen this year, if they don't, I have some serious thinking to do in 2016.
Stay ottery hehe <3 love you all <3
2014 was overall an ok year all things considered, I became an uncle to my second niece, took part in a summer work placement thing which was fun among other things. Otherwise it's been the same old here, not much really does seem to change in my life that much, for better or worse there. I kept up my gaming a lot last year, easily my fave game this year has to be Theatrhytym Final Fantasy Curtain Call on 3DS, I enjoyed and am still enjoying it, it's a lot of fun. Also got into a few new bands and artists this year, though AC/DC released my fave album of 2014 easily.
So yeah, I have some hope for 2015, I'm really hoping for a lot of things to change and happen this year, if they don't, I have some serious thinking to do in 2016.
Stay ottery hehe <3 love you all <3
Lst Night...
Posted 11 years ago...was so awesome! Most of the old gang of us got together for the first time in over 3 years, it was great to just hang out like the old days.
The best parts of the night were my sister Gemma getting totally drunk, despite saying she wasn't going to even get tipsy, her explanation of child birth in detail was pure comedy, and thinking that her cousin on the phone was a chinese takeaway was brilliant.
Playing cards against humanity for the first time had me laughing uncontrollably, played it for nearly 3 hours until 2am sat on the kitchen floor with 5 others, I swear though my legs got numb.
After that, those who were still awake just chatted in the kitchen while watching two on helium balloons, then breaking 2 normal balloons by "thrusting" at each other XD
Around 4:30am ish, I was laying on the not so comfy sofa whilst laughing and talking with my friend Natalie, ended up like that until 7am with her then we ended up making coffee and such, as we both hit the point where you end up too tired to actually fall asleep. Though I did manage to have a nap this afternoon which helped, and I know I'll be sleeping well tonight ^^
Oh, and one more thing, I'm currently loving Theatrhythym Final Fantasy Curtain Call, it's so addictive, I'm constantly having to charge my 3DS since getting it.
The best parts of the night were my sister Gemma getting totally drunk, despite saying she wasn't going to even get tipsy, her explanation of child birth in detail was pure comedy, and thinking that her cousin on the phone was a chinese takeaway was brilliant.
Playing cards against humanity for the first time had me laughing uncontrollably, played it for nearly 3 hours until 2am sat on the kitchen floor with 5 others, I swear though my legs got numb.
After that, those who were still awake just chatted in the kitchen while watching two on helium balloons, then breaking 2 normal balloons by "thrusting" at each other XD
Around 4:30am ish, I was laying on the not so comfy sofa whilst laughing and talking with my friend Natalie, ended up like that until 7am with her then we ended up making coffee and such, as we both hit the point where you end up too tired to actually fall asleep. Though I did manage to have a nap this afternoon which helped, and I know I'll be sleeping well tonight ^^
Oh, and one more thing, I'm currently loving Theatrhythym Final Fantasy Curtain Call, it's so addictive, I'm constantly having to charge my 3DS since getting it.
Life updates and such
Posted 11 years agoThought I would make a new journal to update over my birthday one from months back, so where to begin with stuff...
Well honestly not much has changed in the last few months, I'm still job searching (with no luck) and I completed a work expeirience thing that, apart from updating my CV led to nowhere at all. I'm still trying to stay upbeat about that, but must admit, I am feeling a little strain there now.
Art wise, I've drawn a few things, but lately I'm just finding I'm not in the mood to draw, haha, though I know from trying I must not force it, so hopefully I might get something done soon, once the spark returns ^^
On the love life front, I'd say things are quiet, I'm not too bothered by that, but some nights I would like a cuddle, especially as autumn is now here, proper cuddling weather :)
I'm still gaming like crazy, currently I'm totally hooked on playing through Final Fantasy XII again, an excellent game and it's giving me such feelings of nostalgia, I got the game the day it came out in 2007, and seeing as that, to me, was the best year of my life it's making me smile as I remember stuff that happened then.
All in all, things are pretty ok, few things I would like to change, but life is ok. Just now looking forward to christmas, got to start getting in some gifts, the perils of having a big family means I have to start early each year, but I like seeing them smile when they get the gift I got for them.
Oh and November, both the Hoenn Pokemon remakes and AC/DC's new album is out, those I'm very much excited for XD
Well honestly not much has changed in the last few months, I'm still job searching (with no luck) and I completed a work expeirience thing that, apart from updating my CV led to nowhere at all. I'm still trying to stay upbeat about that, but must admit, I am feeling a little strain there now.
Art wise, I've drawn a few things, but lately I'm just finding I'm not in the mood to draw, haha, though I know from trying I must not force it, so hopefully I might get something done soon, once the spark returns ^^
On the love life front, I'd say things are quiet, I'm not too bothered by that, but some nights I would like a cuddle, especially as autumn is now here, proper cuddling weather :)
I'm still gaming like crazy, currently I'm totally hooked on playing through Final Fantasy XII again, an excellent game and it's giving me such feelings of nostalgia, I got the game the day it came out in 2007, and seeing as that, to me, was the best year of my life it's making me smile as I remember stuff that happened then.
All in all, things are pretty ok, few things I would like to change, but life is ok. Just now looking forward to christmas, got to start getting in some gifts, the perils of having a big family means I have to start early each year, but I like seeing them smile when they get the gift I got for them.
Oh and November, both the Hoenn Pokemon remakes and AC/DC's new album is out, those I'm very much excited for XD
So I'm now 26 ^^
Posted 11 years agoAs of yesterday I am now 26, it was overalll a great day and night, and I had fun ^^ present wise I treated myself to DLC for a game and Edguy's Space Police album, which is awesome. I also enjoyed a variety of sweets, cookies and sugary drinks haha, so i was bouncing around for most of it.
I still don't feel my age, the big kid in me is alive and well, as is my imagination and energy. Also quite lookng forward to Saturday, it's my niece's second birthday on Friday, so we are having a little party for her on the weekend, so that should be a lot of fun.
On another note, I've been thinking of ways to expand my characters a little and I'm edging to giving my rat Storm a little kid sister permanently, might get a sketch drawn up to see how that goes first ^^
I still don't feel my age, the big kid in me is alive and well, as is my imagination and energy. Also quite lookng forward to Saturday, it's my niece's second birthday on Friday, so we are having a little party for her on the weekend, so that should be a lot of fun.
On another note, I've been thinking of ways to expand my characters a little and I'm edging to giving my rat Storm a little kid sister permanently, might get a sketch drawn up to see how that goes first ^^
Thinking of doing a little writing
Posted 11 years agoI haven't written anything properly for about two years now, mostly cause I felt burnt out from it and wasn't enjoying it too much, that plus time stuff and the fact I've started drawing has pretty much pushed it to the back of my mind.
However I've decided to try my paw at it again for fun. I've decided I'm going to write two adult short stories then see where it goes from there. The first is a M/M story involving my otter fursona Deyna and a mouse I've called Zell, the other will be a M/F story, possibly involving my rat Storm and my skunk Winter, as I've paired them together as a couple.
I've made a small start on the first and am hoping to get it finished soon, though I'm in no rush as I'm writing both of these in my own time, I'm hoping people will enjoy reading them, always get nervous about my story stuff, much more so than drawings.
*those who read this get either a free hug or a free lick ^^ your choice hahahaha ^^
However I've decided to try my paw at it again for fun. I've decided I'm going to write two adult short stories then see where it goes from there. The first is a M/M story involving my otter fursona Deyna and a mouse I've called Zell, the other will be a M/F story, possibly involving my rat Storm and my skunk Winter, as I've paired them together as a couple.
I've made a small start on the first and am hoping to get it finished soon, though I'm in no rush as I'm writing both of these in my own time, I'm hoping people will enjoy reading them, always get nervous about my story stuff, much more so than drawings.
*those who read this get either a free hug or a free lick ^^ your choice hahahaha ^^
I feel guilty too easy
Posted 11 years agoJust another vent thingy, so no need to read really. I really hate this part of myself, the part of me that actually feels guilty the minute I want to do something for myself if it will stop someone else doing something. Like right now, I'm downloading an album that I payed for on my slow internet, as my dad decided to switch our provider without telling me, considering I'm the bill payer for that, that really annoyed me.
Yet when I voiced that I was, I was made to feel bad about my opinion on the matter. Like always it feels.
Just now, I asked my sister to switch off her phones wifi, on the hope that it would speed it up, she hasnt, as she is happily snuggled up to her boyfriend (they are 15 and 14 btw), and i always feel uncomfortable around them when they do that, yet my dad lets them do that. I actually feel bad for asking her to do that.
It's the same with a lot of thing for some reason with me, even little things like asking for something if someone is going shopping, or asking for a lift somewhere, I feel bad about it.
It sometimes feels like I'm not allowed to be in a bad or annoyed mood, if I am, most everyone just makes jokes about it, which makes me feel worse, which is why I tend to hold back a lot if I feel like that.
Thing is, I'm generally cheerful and optimistic, yet I'm human at the end of it, and I have my bad days, but unlike most, I have no one really who will ask if I'm ok, or try and make me feel better by doing something with me to cheer me up.
And as much as I love my online friends who sometimes try to help, it doesn't compare to someone helping in person. I'm the eldest out of my siblings, so I have no one older to look up to or ask for advice, my parents certainly can't help there. My friends are mostly busy with work etc, so I can't count on them as much as I'd like as I honestly fear that I'm bothering them with things.
Anyways, i'm not really looking for sympathy or anything, mostly cause I know this is a stupid little problem of mine, this is just a good place for me to get my thoughts out of my head and look at them in writing, as that sometimes seems to help.
Yet when I voiced that I was, I was made to feel bad about my opinion on the matter. Like always it feels.
Just now, I asked my sister to switch off her phones wifi, on the hope that it would speed it up, she hasnt, as she is happily snuggled up to her boyfriend (they are 15 and 14 btw), and i always feel uncomfortable around them when they do that, yet my dad lets them do that. I actually feel bad for asking her to do that.
It's the same with a lot of thing for some reason with me, even little things like asking for something if someone is going shopping, or asking for a lift somewhere, I feel bad about it.
It sometimes feels like I'm not allowed to be in a bad or annoyed mood, if I am, most everyone just makes jokes about it, which makes me feel worse, which is why I tend to hold back a lot if I feel like that.
Thing is, I'm generally cheerful and optimistic, yet I'm human at the end of it, and I have my bad days, but unlike most, I have no one really who will ask if I'm ok, or try and make me feel better by doing something with me to cheer me up.
And as much as I love my online friends who sometimes try to help, it doesn't compare to someone helping in person. I'm the eldest out of my siblings, so I have no one older to look up to or ask for advice, my parents certainly can't help there. My friends are mostly busy with work etc, so I can't count on them as much as I'd like as I honestly fear that I'm bothering them with things.
Anyways, i'm not really looking for sympathy or anything, mostly cause I know this is a stupid little problem of mine, this is just a good place for me to get my thoughts out of my head and look at them in writing, as that sometimes seems to help.
Fursona Meme Thing
Posted 11 years agoQ: What made you choose the species of your main character?
A: I honestly don't know. I was originally thinking of a white wolf character, though in my mind that just didn't seem to fit with me. I thought about it more and at the time I was reading through the Redwall series of books, and in those I've always loved the otters in them, my fave book out of them is High Rhulain, which an otter is the main character. Deyna just sort of sprung from there ^^
Q: Is your character just like you, or how you want to be?
A: Yes and no, he's pretty much me, but stronger I'd say.
Q: Does your character have the same personality you have?
A: Pretty much yes, but slightly more confident.
Q: Does your character have the same dislikes and likes as you do?
A: Yes, almost exactly
Q: Does your character look like you at all?
A: Haha, not at all, apart from being slim.
Q: Is your character the same gender as you, if not why?
A: Deyna is male like myself ^^
Q: Do you have more than one main character?
A: Sort of, I have three, Deyna Lorne (my main character, otter), Storm Fireheart (a rat), and Winter Skyclaw (a female skunk).
Q: Do you have a back story for your character, if so does it have anything to do with your own history?
A: Not really, too much work.
Q: Is your character mated, if so is it to your real life significant other?
A: I like to try and keep Deyna seperate from that sort of stuff, he is just my character and that stuff can often complicate things.
Q: If not are they looking for a mate, or are they a swinger so to speak?
A: Nope.
Q: Is there something special about your character that you think sets them apart from others?
A:Hmmm...I don't know really, maybe the long purple hair.
Q: Do you have much art of your main character?
A: Quite a few, some of which I've drawn, mostly though a great Yenawolf friend of mine has drawn my otter for me ^^
Q: Would you ever consider parting with your main character, if so why?
A: Not at all, Deyna is a part of my life that I would feel kinda weird not having now.
Q: If you suit, do you have a suit of your main character?
A: I don't suit at all, but it would be awesome to have a suit of Deyna one day I think ^^
Q: Have you ever roleplayed with your main character, or do you prefer not to?
A: I have yes, though these days I prefer not to.
Q: Do you consider your main character to be a part of you in any way?
A: He is my furry self, so yes in a way.
A: I honestly don't know. I was originally thinking of a white wolf character, though in my mind that just didn't seem to fit with me. I thought about it more and at the time I was reading through the Redwall series of books, and in those I've always loved the otters in them, my fave book out of them is High Rhulain, which an otter is the main character. Deyna just sort of sprung from there ^^
Q: Is your character just like you, or how you want to be?
A: Yes and no, he's pretty much me, but stronger I'd say.
Q: Does your character have the same personality you have?
A: Pretty much yes, but slightly more confident.
Q: Does your character have the same dislikes and likes as you do?
A: Yes, almost exactly
Q: Does your character look like you at all?
A: Haha, not at all, apart from being slim.
Q: Is your character the same gender as you, if not why?
A: Deyna is male like myself ^^
Q: Do you have more than one main character?
A: Sort of, I have three, Deyna Lorne (my main character, otter), Storm Fireheart (a rat), and Winter Skyclaw (a female skunk).
Q: Do you have a back story for your character, if so does it have anything to do with your own history?
A: Not really, too much work.
Q: Is your character mated, if so is it to your real life significant other?
A: I like to try and keep Deyna seperate from that sort of stuff, he is just my character and that stuff can often complicate things.
Q: If not are they looking for a mate, or are they a swinger so to speak?
A: Nope.
Q: Is there something special about your character that you think sets them apart from others?
A:Hmmm...I don't know really, maybe the long purple hair.
Q: Do you have much art of your main character?
A: Quite a few, some of which I've drawn, mostly though a great Yenawolf friend of mine has drawn my otter for me ^^
Q: Would you ever consider parting with your main character, if so why?
A: Not at all, Deyna is a part of my life that I would feel kinda weird not having now.
Q: If you suit, do you have a suit of your main character?
A: I don't suit at all, but it would be awesome to have a suit of Deyna one day I think ^^
Q: Have you ever roleplayed with your main character, or do you prefer not to?
A: I have yes, though these days I prefer not to.
Q: Do you consider your main character to be a part of you in any way?
A: He is my furry self, so yes in a way.
My Top Five Games Of 2013
Posted 11 years agoSo decided to write down my top five games of this year, I've bought quite a few this year, some not released this year, all that matters to me on this list is that this was the year I first played the game, not the year that the game came out ^^
1: Pokemon X
Got this game the day it came out and without a doubt it is the best game I've played all year. It's awesome, brilliantly balanced, very colourful and I love all the older generation Pokemon that are shown more often, the Mega Evolutions are awesome, especially Lucario's, and all in all it was a great adventure to play through.
2: Star Fox SNES
Earlier in the year I was able to pick up a Super Nintendo, never having owned one as a kid, I was a Sega fan before moving on to the Playstation 1. Anyway, I was lucky enough to have Star Fox, or Starwing as its known in the UK as a game that came with it. After setting it up and playing this game on it first I was hooked, and coudnt get off it for the rest of the day. It also got me into the Star Fox series and I now own each and every one of them ^^
3: Okami HD
As soon as I saw this on the PS Store I had to get it, I was unlucky in the sense that I never got to play it when it originally came out. And wow, I regret that. The game blew me away. The watercolour art style is amazing, even more so in HD (I now own the original so I can compare), it's a huge adventure, there's so much to do and explore, and I couldn't hit it off, the story was amazing and hooked me till the end.
4: Grand Theft Auto 5:
Have to admit, the story really didn't do it for me, that felt pretty rushed and apart from Trevor, I found the characters unlikable. The main reason this has gotten on the list is for the world inside the game. Technically it's a masterpiece. The city feels alive and is full of character, there's so much to see and explore, it's very impressive what they managed to squeeze out of the current gen consoles, Gta online I'm a bit mixed on, the races I do enjoy but stuff like the deathmatches are just not good and the players online can be frustrating to play with.
5: Tomb Raider
Last but not least it has to be Tomb Raider. I've never liked the series in all honesty, but this game was amazing. I beat it over a weekend, it hooked me from start to finish, had a great plot and some outstanding set pieces. I could see how Uncharted had influenced it, but it was a better game than any in that series, and Lara is so likable, and vulnerable, the stuff she goes through in that game, ouch. It's constantly exciting and tense all through the game, I didn't and still havent even tried the online mode, pretty much cause I'm not interested in it, but as a single player adventure it was mind blowingly awesome!
So there you have it, these are the five games I've enjoyed throughout 2013, there's a ton more I have played and loved but these have made my top five, and I'm looking forward to seeing what games next year will bring, I have a few on my list I want to get already.
Also, to all reading this, have a merry christmas and a happy new year, this otter loves you all <3
1: Pokemon X
Got this game the day it came out and without a doubt it is the best game I've played all year. It's awesome, brilliantly balanced, very colourful and I love all the older generation Pokemon that are shown more often, the Mega Evolutions are awesome, especially Lucario's, and all in all it was a great adventure to play through.
2: Star Fox SNES
Earlier in the year I was able to pick up a Super Nintendo, never having owned one as a kid, I was a Sega fan before moving on to the Playstation 1. Anyway, I was lucky enough to have Star Fox, or Starwing as its known in the UK as a game that came with it. After setting it up and playing this game on it first I was hooked, and coudnt get off it for the rest of the day. It also got me into the Star Fox series and I now own each and every one of them ^^
3: Okami HD
As soon as I saw this on the PS Store I had to get it, I was unlucky in the sense that I never got to play it when it originally came out. And wow, I regret that. The game blew me away. The watercolour art style is amazing, even more so in HD (I now own the original so I can compare), it's a huge adventure, there's so much to do and explore, and I couldn't hit it off, the story was amazing and hooked me till the end.
4: Grand Theft Auto 5:
Have to admit, the story really didn't do it for me, that felt pretty rushed and apart from Trevor, I found the characters unlikable. The main reason this has gotten on the list is for the world inside the game. Technically it's a masterpiece. The city feels alive and is full of character, there's so much to see and explore, it's very impressive what they managed to squeeze out of the current gen consoles, Gta online I'm a bit mixed on, the races I do enjoy but stuff like the deathmatches are just not good and the players online can be frustrating to play with.
5: Tomb Raider
Last but not least it has to be Tomb Raider. I've never liked the series in all honesty, but this game was amazing. I beat it over a weekend, it hooked me from start to finish, had a great plot and some outstanding set pieces. I could see how Uncharted had influenced it, but it was a better game than any in that series, and Lara is so likable, and vulnerable, the stuff she goes through in that game, ouch. It's constantly exciting and tense all through the game, I didn't and still havent even tried the online mode, pretty much cause I'm not interested in it, but as a single player adventure it was mind blowingly awesome!
So there you have it, these are the five games I've enjoyed throughout 2013, there's a ton more I have played and loved but these have made my top five, and I'm looking forward to seeing what games next year will bring, I have a few on my list I want to get already.
Also, to all reading this, have a merry christmas and a happy new year, this otter loves you all <3
My Opinion on the new Pokemon games ^^
Posted 12 years agoFirstly before I begin I want to thank my sister 
AvaLovelace for loaning me her 3DS to play Pokemon X as I don't have one yet. Also I was a bit gutted not being able to get Y version, they were all sold out and I had the last copy of X that they had.
Anyway, the game has blown me away, Nintendo delivered and lived up to the hype. Ive spent around twenty hours on it already since picking it up on Saturday and it's a lot of fun, the new Pokemon are pretty good, I do need to try raising a fairy type though I think to see what they are about.
I chose Froakie, the water type as my starter, and loved how after a while you get to choose one of the original three starters, to mix things up I went with Charmander ^^ Getting to customize your character is a nice little plus, extra's like that do cost a bit mind. Horde battles I'm half and half on, they tend to slow the game down a bit for me and seem a little unfair as most seem to have pokemon that love to status effect you.
Still, I'm totally hooked on it, it feels like they've expanded on everything that previous generations have done, I've played the series since I first got Blue Version when it first came out and been a big fan of the series since, X is brilliant and worth playing for any fan, or anyone who likes good games.
And hey...Lucario's Mega Evolution form ^^ I have one haha ^^
AvaLovelace for loaning me her 3DS to play Pokemon X as I don't have one yet. Also I was a bit gutted not being able to get Y version, they were all sold out and I had the last copy of X that they had.Anyway, the game has blown me away, Nintendo delivered and lived up to the hype. Ive spent around twenty hours on it already since picking it up on Saturday and it's a lot of fun, the new Pokemon are pretty good, I do need to try raising a fairy type though I think to see what they are about.
I chose Froakie, the water type as my starter, and loved how after a while you get to choose one of the original three starters, to mix things up I went with Charmander ^^ Getting to customize your character is a nice little plus, extra's like that do cost a bit mind. Horde battles I'm half and half on, they tend to slow the game down a bit for me and seem a little unfair as most seem to have pokemon that love to status effect you.
Still, I'm totally hooked on it, it feels like they've expanded on everything that previous generations have done, I've played the series since I first got Blue Version when it first came out and been a big fan of the series since, X is brilliant and worth playing for any fan, or anyone who likes good games.
And hey...Lucario's Mega Evolution form ^^ I have one haha ^^
3 weeks seems a long time away
Posted 12 years agoSo yeah, its now just three more weeks of waiting until the release of Pokemon X and Y, and I can't wait. It's my most anticipated game this year, and I'll be getting Y version on the day of release. I know there's a lot of big games coming out this year, such as Grand Theft Auto 5 and Call of Duty modern blandfare 17 or whatever this years same version of last years game was, but Pokemon is just looking so amazing and the only time I've ever felt like this about a game is when a new Final Fantasy is announced ^^
Totally going for my usual style of gameplay, picking a Froakie as my starter as I've always picked water types as my first, even though Fennekin is cute, my way lies with the water, then see what adventures await with my new team on it.
Totally going for my usual style of gameplay, picking a Froakie as my starter as I've always picked water types as my first, even though Fennekin is cute, my way lies with the water, then see what adventures await with my new team on it.
69 meme thing
Posted 12 years agoJust doing this for fun and stuff ^^
1: Could you go the rest of your life without smoking a cigarette?
Easy as I don't smoke, never even wanted to try
2: Are you single/taken/heartbroken/confused?
A long distance one, which isn't doing much, so single I guess
3: What if I told you that you were pretty?
I'd be like awwwww ^^
4: Ever been told “it’s not you, it’s me”?
yes, so I said fuck yourself lol
5: Are you interested in anyone right now?
Quite a few people, most of which I'd never have a chance with
6: What are you looking forward to in the next week?
hmmm...not sure, depends on what happens
7: Do you want to be single?
kinda already am in a way
8: Did you go out or stay in last night?
I stayed in
9: How late did you stay up last night?
till 1am, I was playing Starfox assault
10: Can you recall the last time you realized you liked someone a lot?
today haha
11: Last three things you had to drink?
water, and energy drink and coke
12: Have you ever pretended to like someone?
not really, I'm always myself so I don't pretend
13: Have you ever told somebody you loved them and not actually meant it?
Depends on how my mood can feel with certain people
14: Honestly, has anyone seen you in your underwear in the past 3 months?
nope
15: Is it hard for you to get over someone?
Depends on the person
16: Think back five months ago, were you single?
yes and no
17: What were you doing at 12:30 this afternoon?
Playing Borderlands 2
18: Hold hands with anyone this week?
no
19: Could you go for the rest of your life without drinking alcohol?
same as smoking haha, drinking doesnt interest me, hate the feeling and taste
20: What would you name your future daughter?
If I had one, I would call her Freya
21: Do you miss anyone?
No
22: Have you kissed three or more people in one night?
nope
23: Did your last kiss take place in/on a bed?
sadly no
24: Are you good at hiding your feelings?
Very good actually at that
25: Have you ever cried from being so mad?
yes
26: Who did you last see in person?
My dad asking me to check his emails as he is useless with technology
27: Are you listening to music right now?
Yes, a bit of Nirvana, the In Utero album
28: What is something you currently want right now?
Many things, so I can't say specifically what
29: What is the last thing you said out loud?
"what the fuck"
30: How is your heart lately?
heavy and lonely haha
31: Do you wear the hood on your hoodie?
Only if it's raining, I hate my hair getting wet
32: Are you wearing socks?
no, barefoot all the way ^^
33: What do people call you?
My name obviously, though some call me Deyna, due to my fursona
34: Will you talk to the person you like tonight?
probably, depends on if said person is online
35: Are there any stressful situations in your life?
so so many, family, work stuff as i dont have a job, my mood swings etc...
36: Who did you last share a bed with?
no one sadly...
37: Did you do something bad today?
not yet at least
38: When was the last time a member of the opposite sex hugged you?
yesterday
39: Do you get stressed out easily?
depends on the situation, usually takes a while for that
40: Will you sing today?
In my head yes, out loud no
41: Have you ever wanted to tell someone something but didn’t?
a lot, sometimes for good reason
42: Who do you go to when you need to talk to someone?
my sister, i tell her nearly everything
43: Have you ever been taken to the emergency room in an ambulance?
luckily no
44: What are you listening to right now?
Nirvana-All Apologies
45: What is wrong with you right now?
nothing really, maybe slight back ache, due to the way I was just sitting haha
46: What is on your wrists right now?
just like my ankles, my wrists are currently bare
47: Where did you get the shirt/sweatshirt you’re wearing?
from the Factory shop in bargoed, a cross hatch tshirt
48: What do you like better: hot chocolate or hot apple cider?
neither really, but if i had to pick, hot chocolate
49: Do you make wishes at 11:11?
never knew you could haha
50: Are you a good artist?
not really, but I'm improving ^^
51: Love really is a beautiful thing huh?
Beautiful but a very dangerous emotion too
52: Do you miss the way things were six months ago?
not much has changed in the last six months, so can't really miss the way things were
53: Ever been on a golf cart?
no, but wow do i want to
54: Do you have trust issues?
never, trust is an important thing, if there's no trust, you shouldnt even talk to the person
55: Ever stayed up all night on the phone, with who?
I hate phone calls at the best of times, so no
56: Do you own something from Hot Topic?
no
57: Do you use chap stick?
I use lip balm if that counts
58: Have you ever slapped someone in the face?
nope
59: Do you have a little sister?
I have three of them
60: Have you ever been to New York?
no, but I'd love to someday, even though it would be weird, seeing as I live surrounded by countryside
61: Think of the last person who said I love you, do you think they meant it?
half and half I'd say
62: Have you hugged someone within the last week?
yes I have
63: What were you doing at midnight last night?
Playing starfix assualt on the gamecube
64: Have you ever regretted kissing someone?
cant say I have
65: Is there one person in your life that can always make you smile?
That one friend always does ^^
66: Were your last three kisses from the same person?
hmmmmm....
67: Have you kissed anyone in the last five days?
no
68: Would you rather sleep with someone else or alone?
depends, I like my own space a lot, but cuddles and company can be nice so...
69: Will next Friday be a good one?
I cant say, its a while away haha
And there we go, 69 questions answered
1: Could you go the rest of your life without smoking a cigarette?
Easy as I don't smoke, never even wanted to try
2: Are you single/taken/heartbroken/confused?
A long distance one, which isn't doing much, so single I guess
3: What if I told you that you were pretty?
I'd be like awwwww ^^
4: Ever been told “it’s not you, it’s me”?
yes, so I said fuck yourself lol
5: Are you interested in anyone right now?
Quite a few people, most of which I'd never have a chance with
6: What are you looking forward to in the next week?
hmmm...not sure, depends on what happens
7: Do you want to be single?
kinda already am in a way
8: Did you go out or stay in last night?
I stayed in
9: How late did you stay up last night?
till 1am, I was playing Starfox assault
10: Can you recall the last time you realized you liked someone a lot?
today haha
11: Last three things you had to drink?
water, and energy drink and coke
12: Have you ever pretended to like someone?
not really, I'm always myself so I don't pretend
13: Have you ever told somebody you loved them and not actually meant it?
Depends on how my mood can feel with certain people
14: Honestly, has anyone seen you in your underwear in the past 3 months?
nope
15: Is it hard for you to get over someone?
Depends on the person
16: Think back five months ago, were you single?
yes and no
17: What were you doing at 12:30 this afternoon?
Playing Borderlands 2
18: Hold hands with anyone this week?
no
19: Could you go for the rest of your life without drinking alcohol?
same as smoking haha, drinking doesnt interest me, hate the feeling and taste
20: What would you name your future daughter?
If I had one, I would call her Freya
21: Do you miss anyone?
No
22: Have you kissed three or more people in one night?
nope
23: Did your last kiss take place in/on a bed?
sadly no
24: Are you good at hiding your feelings?
Very good actually at that
25: Have you ever cried from being so mad?
yes
26: Who did you last see in person?
My dad asking me to check his emails as he is useless with technology
27: Are you listening to music right now?
Yes, a bit of Nirvana, the In Utero album
28: What is something you currently want right now?
Many things, so I can't say specifically what
29: What is the last thing you said out loud?
"what the fuck"
30: How is your heart lately?
heavy and lonely haha
31: Do you wear the hood on your hoodie?
Only if it's raining, I hate my hair getting wet
32: Are you wearing socks?
no, barefoot all the way ^^
33: What do people call you?
My name obviously, though some call me Deyna, due to my fursona
34: Will you talk to the person you like tonight?
probably, depends on if said person is online
35: Are there any stressful situations in your life?
so so many, family, work stuff as i dont have a job, my mood swings etc...
36: Who did you last share a bed with?
no one sadly...
37: Did you do something bad today?
not yet at least
38: When was the last time a member of the opposite sex hugged you?
yesterday
39: Do you get stressed out easily?
depends on the situation, usually takes a while for that
40: Will you sing today?
In my head yes, out loud no
41: Have you ever wanted to tell someone something but didn’t?
a lot, sometimes for good reason
42: Who do you go to when you need to talk to someone?
my sister, i tell her nearly everything
43: Have you ever been taken to the emergency room in an ambulance?
luckily no
44: What are you listening to right now?
Nirvana-All Apologies
45: What is wrong with you right now?
nothing really, maybe slight back ache, due to the way I was just sitting haha
46: What is on your wrists right now?
just like my ankles, my wrists are currently bare
47: Where did you get the shirt/sweatshirt you’re wearing?
from the Factory shop in bargoed, a cross hatch tshirt
48: What do you like better: hot chocolate or hot apple cider?
neither really, but if i had to pick, hot chocolate
49: Do you make wishes at 11:11?
never knew you could haha
50: Are you a good artist?
not really, but I'm improving ^^
51: Love really is a beautiful thing huh?
Beautiful but a very dangerous emotion too
52: Do you miss the way things were six months ago?
not much has changed in the last six months, so can't really miss the way things were
53: Ever been on a golf cart?
no, but wow do i want to
54: Do you have trust issues?
never, trust is an important thing, if there's no trust, you shouldnt even talk to the person
55: Ever stayed up all night on the phone, with who?
I hate phone calls at the best of times, so no
56: Do you own something from Hot Topic?
no
57: Do you use chap stick?
I use lip balm if that counts
58: Have you ever slapped someone in the face?
nope
59: Do you have a little sister?
I have three of them
60: Have you ever been to New York?
no, but I'd love to someday, even though it would be weird, seeing as I live surrounded by countryside
61: Think of the last person who said I love you, do you think they meant it?
half and half I'd say
62: Have you hugged someone within the last week?
yes I have
63: What were you doing at midnight last night?
Playing starfix assualt on the gamecube
64: Have you ever regretted kissing someone?
cant say I have
65: Is there one person in your life that can always make you smile?
That one friend always does ^^
66: Were your last three kisses from the same person?
hmmmmm....
67: Have you kissed anyone in the last five days?
no
68: Would you rather sleep with someone else or alone?
depends, I like my own space a lot, but cuddles and company can be nice so...
69: Will next Friday be a good one?
I cant say, its a while away haha
And there we go, 69 questions answered
The Old Days
Posted 12 years agotonight for some reason my thoughts turned back to my younger days, when life to me had only little worries. I can't remember all that much, memory loss isn't a good thing, but certain small memories always bring a smile to my face when I remember them.
Things were so much simpler back then.
Little memories to me are much better than big ones as they matter most in the long run. I still remember vividly this one memory, where my cousin and I were in my house, I must have been around 9 years old maybe, my dad was redecorating my room and had just laid the new carpet down, then my cousin and I insisted that he bring in the Tv and the megadrive as we wanted to play Sonic 2, he did and ended up finishing the decorating around us. Another fond one is where one night I had just finished some homework, and was having an hour playing my fave game, FFVII, and my nan walked in my room with a can of coke she bought for me, I can picture it so clear, I even know what part of the game I was at (temple of the ancients).
Its funny how little memories like that matter, even if they are totally insignificant, they remind me of good times.
School memories are a total no, I wish I could forget it all, but from what I remember, it was a nightmare, honestly, some nights I'd hope I wouldn't wake up the next morning.
But the good memories, they keep me happy and hopeful, if I could I'd give anything to relive them, those summers spent in our garden playing volleyball over the washing line, hide and seek around the whole village, trying to hand decorate my bedroom as a jungle when I was 10, forming a secret agency with code names...
I really miss those days.
Things were so much simpler back then.
Little memories to me are much better than big ones as they matter most in the long run. I still remember vividly this one memory, where my cousin and I were in my house, I must have been around 9 years old maybe, my dad was redecorating my room and had just laid the new carpet down, then my cousin and I insisted that he bring in the Tv and the megadrive as we wanted to play Sonic 2, he did and ended up finishing the decorating around us. Another fond one is where one night I had just finished some homework, and was having an hour playing my fave game, FFVII, and my nan walked in my room with a can of coke she bought for me, I can picture it so clear, I even know what part of the game I was at (temple of the ancients).
Its funny how little memories like that matter, even if they are totally insignificant, they remind me of good times.
School memories are a total no, I wish I could forget it all, but from what I remember, it was a nightmare, honestly, some nights I'd hope I wouldn't wake up the next morning.
But the good memories, they keep me happy and hopeful, if I could I'd give anything to relive them, those summers spent in our garden playing volleyball over the washing line, hide and seek around the whole village, trying to hand decorate my bedroom as a jungle when I was 10, forming a secret agency with code names...
I really miss those days.
Regarding adult art
Posted 12 years agojust a quick thing this. Pretty much every drawing I have done is clean in nature, no adult content, though I would like to try a few more mature pictures, especially with Deyna. I have drawn one in the past and was not really happy with it, the picture is still in my gallery if your curious.
I didn't really enjoy drawing it much I remember at the time, compared to my other works. I've had a good friend draw some adult pictures of Deyna for me, of which I am very grateful as I loved how they looked.
I do enjoy adult artwork, when it is drawn well at least, and would love to improve my skills drawing in that area, but I don't know if it will work, as the enjoyment factor is lessened.
I may try one picture adult if I can get in the mood for it, but I think for adult pictures, I may stick to leaving others to that for Deyna.
I didn't really enjoy drawing it much I remember at the time, compared to my other works. I've had a good friend draw some adult pictures of Deyna for me, of which I am very grateful as I loved how they looked.
I do enjoy adult artwork, when it is drawn well at least, and would love to improve my skills drawing in that area, but I don't know if it will work, as the enjoyment factor is lessened.
I may try one picture adult if I can get in the mood for it, but I think for adult pictures, I may stick to leaving others to that for Deyna.
Hot Weather in Wales haha
Posted 12 years agoIt's insane really as the weather here is usually wet, but the last few days have been sunny and hot, and looks to continue for the week. However, I wish it was a lot cooler myself, I'm generally not a fan of hot weather, especially when it comes to the night, I find it very hard to sleep.
I love the sun and being out in it, but not when I can feel my skin burning after just a minute out, so to have it a little more cooler would be perfect really ^^
It doesn't help that I have hayfever, during the summer my eyes are usually itching and my nose blocked, during the summertime I usually wear sunglasses outside, for no other reason than that they help my eyes, and right now I suspect I have a cold on top of it, as my nose has been constantly running and blocked, and usually it goes during the night time, but not this time.
Also my huge, huge fear of bees and wasps doesn't help at all, I see one and I break into a cold sweat and get panicky, near death as a kid due to them causes that.
Anyways, still, nice to have a change from the rain I guess, and I really do love the sun ^^
I love the sun and being out in it, but not when I can feel my skin burning after just a minute out, so to have it a little more cooler would be perfect really ^^
It doesn't help that I have hayfever, during the summer my eyes are usually itching and my nose blocked, during the summertime I usually wear sunglasses outside, for no other reason than that they help my eyes, and right now I suspect I have a cold on top of it, as my nose has been constantly running and blocked, and usually it goes during the night time, but not this time.
Also my huge, huge fear of bees and wasps doesn't help at all, I see one and I break into a cold sweat and get panicky, near death as a kid due to them causes that.
Anyways, still, nice to have a change from the rain I guess, and I really do love the sun ^^
Otters Birthday ^^
Posted 12 years agohehe tomorrow I'll be hitting the grand old age of 25, so far it's shaping up to be a good day, heading out to the capital city of Wales, Cardiff with the hopes of picking up some new CD's, don't really have all that much in the way of money, but it should also be a nice day out ^^
Honestly though, I don't feel my age really, I'm still pretty much a big kid, if growing up means becoming miserable and moody like most seem, then I'm happy just being myself.
Life wise right now I guess I'm content at this stage, I have amazing friends, both online and offline, my family, and I'm feeling more optimistic than usual, which is nice ^^
Honestly though, I don't feel my age really, I'm still pretty much a big kid, if growing up means becoming miserable and moody like most seem, then I'm happy just being myself.
Life wise right now I guess I'm content at this stage, I have amazing friends, both online and offline, my family, and I'm feeling more optimistic than usual, which is nice ^^
Some weird stuff ^^
Posted 12 years agohttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cjldh8fMwq8
This is what we do when we get bored here and we have the presence of my rather odd cousin Aron ^^
This is what we do when we get bored here and we have the presence of my rather odd cousin Aron ^^
Just another vent...
Posted 12 years agoSo yeah, needed to get this off my chest somewhere, and figured this place will do. It's in regards to my mother again, thing is this time I'm not sure how to react or even what to do, as it's pretty much beyond my control.
So here's what's happend since 1am last night. I got a text from her saying for my Dad, who I live with to call her, which he did. Turns out her and her boyfriend of 3 years got into another argument, which seems to happen with them every few weeks, and it ended up in a fight. A pretty serious one.
He punched my mother. A few times. A busted lip, bleeding nose, and a few cuts and bruises. In return, from what I know. she split his head open with a table leg.
So once she got home last night she said it was over between them for good. I personally want to hurt him so much, if there's one thing I despise it's men who hit women.
Now here's the thing I don't know what to do or feel about. She went back there this afternoon. And has basically told us to stay out of her business with this.
She went back to him, I'm kinda still shocked by it. My nan saw her earlier and said some things, and my mother defended him. My sister called her earlier and she said to drop it and leave it.
I'm worried over my youngest sisters, they still live with her, so I have no idea what will happen when she is back home tomorrow, quite frankly I'm dreading tomorrow.
I have no idea what to say to her, or do to her. The only way I can deal with this myself is to tell her that I can't know her untill she cuts her abusive, drunken excuse for a boyfriend out of her life, as I don't want to see her get worse.
I wish someone was here to give me a hug and tell me things really will be ok, I've been trying to keep everyone calm here, but its hard to do this time.
I guess all I can do right now is see what happens from here on, I just have a gut feeling that things are about to get a lot worse.
So here's what's happend since 1am last night. I got a text from her saying for my Dad, who I live with to call her, which he did. Turns out her and her boyfriend of 3 years got into another argument, which seems to happen with them every few weeks, and it ended up in a fight. A pretty serious one.
He punched my mother. A few times. A busted lip, bleeding nose, and a few cuts and bruises. In return, from what I know. she split his head open with a table leg.
So once she got home last night she said it was over between them for good. I personally want to hurt him so much, if there's one thing I despise it's men who hit women.
Now here's the thing I don't know what to do or feel about. She went back there this afternoon. And has basically told us to stay out of her business with this.
She went back to him, I'm kinda still shocked by it. My nan saw her earlier and said some things, and my mother defended him. My sister called her earlier and she said to drop it and leave it.
I'm worried over my youngest sisters, they still live with her, so I have no idea what will happen when she is back home tomorrow, quite frankly I'm dreading tomorrow.
I have no idea what to say to her, or do to her. The only way I can deal with this myself is to tell her that I can't know her untill she cuts her abusive, drunken excuse for a boyfriend out of her life, as I don't want to see her get worse.
I wish someone was here to give me a hug and tell me things really will be ok, I've been trying to keep everyone calm here, but its hard to do this time.
I guess all I can do right now is see what happens from here on, I just have a gut feeling that things are about to get a lot worse.
Good times or something?
Posted 12 years agoLately I've been in a constant good mood, which is different for a change ^^ I like it, beats getting miserable over nothing like I sometimes get, it's one of the few things I don't like about myself, one second I can be fine and cheerful, then the next I just feel down and miserable over nothing at all.
Hopefully this good mood will last, I'm finding myself genuinely happy these past few days, even though I haven't done much creatively, especially writing, I'm just not getting anywhere with that.
I'm hoping to get some more sketches done soon, a couple of friends have asked me to do pictures for them, which has surprised me greatly, I honestly didn't think I was good enough for people to ask for drawings from me!
Hopefully this good mood will last, I'm finding myself genuinely happy these past few days, even though I haven't done much creatively, especially writing, I'm just not getting anywhere with that.
I'm hoping to get some more sketches done soon, a couple of friends have asked me to do pictures for them, which has surprised me greatly, I honestly didn't think I was good enough for people to ask for drawings from me!
Annoyed, angry and kinda depressed
Posted 12 years agoToday has been kinda a rough day. Started out good, woke up in a happy mood, got to see my sister and niece, and now I'm depressed, angry and have a horrible feeling in my stomach that kinda makes me feel like just curling up.
Some family stuff happened then, I'm not going into detail much about any of it, but basically my mother has shown her true feelings again about myself being gay. She said pretty angrily that I apparently don't know if I'm gay or not.
That, along with everything else that has happened, pretty much has me feeling like crap.
When I told her I was gay three years ago, she lost control and wouldn't even look at me. Later though we talked a little and things seemed alright, though I know how she feels about it because her first reaction said it all. Every now and then she keeps asking me stuff like how do I know I'm gay and such. Well seeing as I'm only attracted to men sexually, I think that says it all.
Telling my family I'm gay was the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life, I was shaking so bad each time, and almost kept having panic attacks about it. So to keep hearing things from my mother hurts pretty bad. It took me years to realise I was gay, I didn't just wake up one day and thought I like men.
I guess I'm just in a bad place right now, I just wanted to write this to sort of get my thoughts out, a small vent. I try my best to be strong, I have to be a lot for those around me, but even I can't always be like that.
Today just pretty much sucks.
Some family stuff happened then, I'm not going into detail much about any of it, but basically my mother has shown her true feelings again about myself being gay. She said pretty angrily that I apparently don't know if I'm gay or not.
That, along with everything else that has happened, pretty much has me feeling like crap.
When I told her I was gay three years ago, she lost control and wouldn't even look at me. Later though we talked a little and things seemed alright, though I know how she feels about it because her first reaction said it all. Every now and then she keeps asking me stuff like how do I know I'm gay and such. Well seeing as I'm only attracted to men sexually, I think that says it all.
Telling my family I'm gay was the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life, I was shaking so bad each time, and almost kept having panic attacks about it. So to keep hearing things from my mother hurts pretty bad. It took me years to realise I was gay, I didn't just wake up one day and thought I like men.
I guess I'm just in a bad place right now, I just wanted to write this to sort of get my thoughts out, a small vent. I try my best to be strong, I have to be a lot for those around me, but even I can't always be like that.
Today just pretty much sucks.
Merry Christmas and all that
Posted 12 years agoSeeing as christmas is only a week away, thought I'd write a little journal ^^ I want to thank my friends for making this year a good one, online and rl, you guys are all awesome to me. I also want to thank all my watchers and anyone who has taken the time to look at my works, comment and like them, I appreciate it all.
All in all, this year has been good, if a little on the quiet side. The biggest thing to happen this year was the birth of my niece Lacey, she is coming on leaps and bounds and always puts a smile on my face every time I see her.
Personality wise I've really come out of my shell this year, I've always been naturally shy, but this year have found myself feeling a lot more comfortable in social situations, and I have learned to speak my mind a lot more often.
This year I also started sketching, so far I'm really enjoying it and can feel myself improving, though i have to be in a certain mood to draw, otherwise I end up getting frustrated as hell and get in a bad mood for a few hours after it haha, though that is getting less frequent. And as someone who could never get the hang of even the most basic of drawings, I feel a certain amount of pride with each picture I complete.
So to anyone who is reading this, I wish you a very Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year, and may all your days be filled with happiness, and here's looking forward to whatever 2013 will bring
All in all, this year has been good, if a little on the quiet side. The biggest thing to happen this year was the birth of my niece Lacey, she is coming on leaps and bounds and always puts a smile on my face every time I see her.
Personality wise I've really come out of my shell this year, I've always been naturally shy, but this year have found myself feeling a lot more comfortable in social situations, and I have learned to speak my mind a lot more often.
This year I also started sketching, so far I'm really enjoying it and can feel myself improving, though i have to be in a certain mood to draw, otherwise I end up getting frustrated as hell and get in a bad mood for a few hours after it haha, though that is getting less frequent. And as someone who could never get the hang of even the most basic of drawings, I feel a certain amount of pride with each picture I complete.
So to anyone who is reading this, I wish you a very Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year, and may all your days be filled with happiness, and here's looking forward to whatever 2013 will bring
