Someone buy me some buffalo wings.

Been contemplating those lately. What do you do when you're desperate for both but have neither?

---I'm deciding against Dragon*Con, as much as I want to go. Financial issues, mostly -- it's doable, but as much as I'm shifting around, and as unsteady a foothold on life as I've had, it's better for me to sit still.

... I am, of course, still taking those days off for vaca. :V

Oh yeah, the porn.

That's about it, really. :V

I can understand the reasons why they canned Legends 3. I know they stand to make more money on, say, another Monster Hunter or more fighting game stuff. I get that. I can accept that.

That does not make my utter and total disgust for the company any less intense.

1) Secure offtime. [Status: sheet given to boss, offtime is likely, but dependent on senior fellow employee.]

2) Secure ride and place to bathe/sleep. [Status: in talks with local buddy and her BF. Could work.]

3) Secure lots of monies. [Status: casing banks.]

4) Be chocolatey. [Status: COMPLETE]




(Really, if I go, all I want is a black d20 necklace. The rest is just icing on a big nerd cake.)

Title says it all.

I don't want cutesy bullshit responses, either. I want the raw, unvarnished truth.

Dirty Potter is the most amazing thing ever.

Oh god pool toy TF



WHAT HAS BECOME OF ME?!

GIVE ME SOMETHING UNIQUE AND TERRIFYING TO FAP TO.

(I am not sure if I am kidding.)

I'll make it short and sweet. I'm pulling back from active PCA participation, for reals, as of immediately. This is indefinite, more than likely permanent. I have my reasons, but those are best left to personal explanations, not a weepy pity-fishing drama. If you want to know more, you know where to find me.

To the IRC and other PCA peeps? I need some time off. Simple as that. This is probably going to be the nail in Icelus's coffin, but I'll probably post about that later. I'm just... burned out at the moment. Need a recharge to see if the engine'll start back up.

Y'all likely won't see me on AIM much, if at all, for a short while. I'm still easy enough to note, and feel free to shoot me emails at darkheart01[at]gmail.com if you really need to gush in my direction.

Apologies, all.

ALL THE BUGS. Young and impressionable so I can corrupt them, preferably.

If you has bugs that aren't from the early forest and can eggify some for me, I will love you for at least as long as it takes for the taste in my mouth to wash out.

Black Friend Code: 0948 1548 2880

My mother, my first love and the woman who made me... me. I miss you, and hope you come back to visit soon.

My girlfriend, -- I know we're having some distance issues, but know that you're always in my thoughts and deep in my heart.

My E drive, which holds all my porn. I will eventually encrypt you just to make sure no one goes poking through you.

There are others, but I don't wanna get too TMI.

Happy V-Day, folks.

Moving done. In pain. Personal DSL should be ready tomorrow.

Incidentally, I have another, less heavy and mysterious DH EVENT IDEA. I will share the details later.

May be netless a few days, we'll see. Just a note!

I'm gonna fuck you.
Hey, ha ha.
If I catch you?
I'm gonna fuck you.

A sudden twist in my pending move has me scrambling and hell of upset at the moment. I'm making calls and waiting on peoples, and this is critical RL shit. No Icelus tonight, will try for tomorrow if things settle out.

This cold/flu/whatever's taken a lot more out of me than I thought. We're off, again. Shooting to resume on Wednesday. I am so sorry. -_-

I didn't enjoy spending much of the year broke, paycheck-to-paychecking and having to put up with my family.

Maybe this year'll be better, iunno.

Some thought, time to settle a few things, and talking to peoples have made me think about how to approach my badly-described 'retirement'. So it's clarification time!

1) Again, I'm not leaving the PCA. Hell, from the looks of things, I'm not even leaving the usual PCA RP haunts I frequent. I'm just distancing myself from stress-inducing things...

2) ... which means that once I'm done with Icelus and finish modship transfer in the IRC, that's it. I'm there -- and in other places -- for fun, for RP, for shooting the shit, and nothing else. I don't want to be a sounding board anymore. I don't want to be a drama sponge. I don't want to even be consulted for advice on behind-the-scenes workings. I will be out, totally, and I would greatly appreciate it if, once I've taken that step, I'm left out of any and all official discussions and functions (which includes attempts to pull me into potential inter-project drama and strife). I just wanna be that guy DH, not ex-PCA Mod DH.

3) Profit.

And enough dumb stuff: time for a meme stolen from !

10 Things: Edge

1. Favorite Movie: The Life Aquatic.
2. Favorite Color(s): Green (naturally), black, silver
3. Favorite TV Show: Cooking shows, weirdly enough
4. Favorite Muppet: Sam the Eagle
5. Right or Left Handed: Right
6. Best Friend(s): Meghan, Cinnamon, Oswald, Treori, a bunch of others
7. Secret #1: Has lots of crushes on fire-types for some reason, and will never admit to them openly
8. Secret #2: Has tons of determination, but shitty self esteem. He hides it behind his too-cool-for-you exterior, and so far it's worked.
9. Favorite Drink: Vodka on the rocks
10. Least Favorite Food: Anything spicy


10 Things: Five

1. Favorite Movie: Thelma and Louise
2. Favorite Color(s): Red, gold
3. Favorite TV Show: Sappy soap operas
4. Favorite Muppet: Scooter
5. Right or Left Handed: Right with her upper pair, left with the lower.
6. Best Friend(s): Sushi, Chouko, Rene
7. Secret #1: Five is (still) actively clubbing outside her age bracket, and hasn't had much luck finding the will to tone down her... youthful indiscretion. She's kept this under wraps for a while now, and has had the wherewithal to avoid anything nasty...
8. Secret #2: ... although a post-romp scare -- thankfully with no fallout -- was more than enough to prompt Five to go behind her guardian's back and (with her mother pulling strings) get a tubectomy over the summer. She has told no one else.
9. Favorite Drink: Melon bubble tea
10. Least Favorite Food: Green leafies



There! NOT DEPRESSING AT ALL

Let's see if I can run TF2 without more total system freezes! :D

I just did some thinking, and I have come to an odd issue regarding my intention.

While I would like to disconnect from as much external PCA politics and whatnot as I can (to save my sanity), I don't want to disconnect from the actual in-setting character interactions and roleplay at all. I am well aware this is basically wanting to have my cake and eat it as well, but I'm trying to see if there's a happy middle I can reach, or if I'm just going to have to roll with what I stated before.

Any thoughts on? Be candid, please.

So! I was almost struck by a car today.

Had the 'YOU MAY WALK, MORTAL' sign-light-thing. Had just picked up lunch from McD's -- McDouble, McChicken, small fries -- right across from the DMV building I work in. Had I been a little less attentive, or that fuckoff who ran the red light a hair slower, or if I'd been a bit faster, odds are I would probably not be typing this.

I distinctly remember the squeal of my shoes as I stopped myself short, and also that inarticulate sound of alarm we silly humans make. And then, after the guy passed (didn't hit his brakes at all) and I spent a moment watching him go, it dawned on me that I literally could have died right then and there.

So I went in to work, sat down, ate, and thought. I turn 31 in two weeks, and I have little to show for it...and that could have been my legacy. 'Here lies Shelby Scott. He was nice, and he really liked tentacles.'

Fuck that.

I've wasted too much time. Way too much time.

So, with that said, I'm taking stock of my life. I'll be looking into getting a LW&T together, and I think I'll be moving to uncomfortable hicksville country home to start saving. (Could this mean a massive downgrade netwise? Likely!) On top of that... I just looked at things I did and have done, and I realize I no longer have the time to lie to myself, or to keep hurting myself in the name of unity or neutrality or peace. I need to act for myself first and foremost, since I'm literally on the first day of the rest of my life, and it could well end tomorrow. I want to exit happy.

What does that mean for you few who care to read my journals? For most of you, nothing. This really won't change my usual net habits TOO much. I can't completely go NO FUN >:C like that. However, for you PCA types, especially the IRC denizens, it's simple: after I settle in all the IRC changes with Day One and finish (not abandon, finish -- the people there deserve to have this) the Project Icelus event, I'm withdrawing from all active participation PCA-wise. This isn't me going 'LEAVING POKEMORPHS AND/OR INTERNET FOREVER', nor is this me venting at any person or group of persons, I want to be clear on this -- I'll still be on AIM, and I'll still be relatively easy to reach. I'm just going to withdraw from the whole faction/clique scene that's developed and just do my own thing, my own way, at my own pace. I'll still be there, but I've long realized I'm a relic of an older PCA that's clinging to dreams that died years ago, and that it's time for me to let go and move on while the PCA marches on.

I'll be settling other things online and off, but that's the biggie for you furries (and non-furries) out there. There are a big mess of little reasons that've all come full-circle now that I've taken a moment to look at my net life (as well as my real life), and it's high time to move forward. Nothing more than that.

If you've got any concerns or questions, please ask me directly (via IRC, DarkheartO1 on AIM, or darkheart01[at]gmail.com through electro-mails), or note me if you must. The only reason I'm posting this in such a public place is to spare myself the hassle of singing the same song over and over and not seem like I'm fishing for attention and pity. If anything, that's the last thing I want. I would prefer to just fade out, like I'd intended the last time I hiatus'd. This time's just supplemented by a massive wake-up call and not just me being emo for all the wrong reasons.

I don't want your pity. I don't want this entry to turn into a hugbox session. I don't want this to look like I'm trying to drum up drama. I just want you all to know what's going down and what will be done. What you do from there is your decision, but I've made up my mind as far as what I need to do. Hopefully I've still got time to make something out of myself before I'm off to Glory. Hopefully, anyway.

Bachuru will be called 'Fuzzle'. Fuzz + Fizzle/Sizzle.

MARK MY WORDS.