Yeah...

I check FA everyday to look at art and read journals but I find myself completely at a loss when it comes to actually producing art.

I've been toying with the idea of making a blog on different "philias" or fetishes. Each entry would be about a fetish of sorts along with my opinion/experiences with said fetish and perhaps a furry illustration.

A lot of artwork in the furry community is heavily fetish based and maybe I need to delve deeper into that realm in order to widen my own artistic experience as well as create a broader audience. It would be nice to get some nice artistic critics but in order to do that, I need to appeal to more people.

Or maybe I need to actually post art.

Either way, I may just go ahead and create this blog anyway, simply because sexuality in general has always been a subject that I found fascinating.

- Dhani

Sooooo.....


I just have to sew up some paws and a tail for my fursuit and it's totally done!

I was thinking of doing some suiting while I'm in my hometown of Moose Jaw, Saskatchewan next week for four days. I'm unsure of where to go but I'm sure if I just wander around downtown I can surprise some tourists and have fun. I might call ahead and see if I can spread some smiles in a senior citizen's home or the pediatric ward of the hospital.

I think the best part of fursuiting is making people happy :3

Unfortunately, I'm not sure if I'll have a handler and I'm unsure of how safe fursuiting without one is. I'm not afraid of running into anything because my vision is pretty good in my head but it's more of a general public safety issue. I don't want some punk kids beating me up because of some ass-backwards CSI show. You know?

- Love,
Dhani

Hey kids.

I came to the realization today while I was at work (it's boring so I have a lot of time to think about random things), that I'm afraid of other furries.

No, seriously. I am.

I'm not afraid of talking to other furs online but I think that's because there's still the veil of being a random person who will never meet other said random person. I can talk candidly, make friends and etc but the idea of meeting a fur in real life now brings up the hugest sense of social anxiety.

The weird thing is that I used to hang out with furs all the time. Some of my best real life pals were furries. But, now I can't even imagine going to a meet. It could be because of past situations and I'm afraid of having someone say mean things to me, or shun me, or make me feel otherwise unwelcome. I'm terrified of running across someone I know. Things like that. It's not that I'm afraid of "being myself" because I'm very open about my fluffyness.

It's just really depressing because I find myself being drawn towards certain subcultures within the furry subculture that I really need to talk to people about. Things like... being a babyfur. Well, not really a "baby" babyfur, but more of a... seven year old fur?

Yeah.

Stuff.

Thoughts, anyone?

- Dhani

Hey,

For the three people that might read this...

I've been SO busy lately! I took on all these requests, gifts and other personal projects thinking I had all the time in the world to just do artwork.

Turns out that my job and real life is a huge poopface that doesn't want me to do anything creative and/or fun. So, I've had to cut a couple gifts off for now and some personal things. I'm still going to finish some requests off though!

Job List.

 jsrffreak - Sketch of Caramel (Needs to be scanned)
 roshiyu - Sketch of his fursona (needs to be inked)

I'd take on a couple more requests I guess... but I'd really like to do a trade or something. <.<

- Dhani

Hey,

Now to write a journal that no one will read. Mainly for the purpose of keeping my own shit together and such.

Art Due

 senri_wulfe - Badge, gift. (Just needs to be uploaded here)
Ash_the_coyote - Full color, gift (Sketching in progress)
 DezuKeti - Full color, gift! (Not even started.)
 Sakaru - Badge, request (Need refs)

And lots of personal art I want to finish.

I'm open for everything. Trades... requests... whatever. I just need to practice. It's been so long >.>

- Dhani

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately.

Could be because I made my own fursuit head. I dunno.

It's 1:30am. I'm sick and I can't sleep. For some reason, all I can think about is what I've been doing in the fandom. Which is nothing.

I tried to come back under a false name with a false fursona that doesn't represent even the smallest part of me. I was afraid of being chased out like I was before for making some mistakes. Then I realized that I wasn't the only person who fucked up in the end. Other people did too and you know what? That's okay with me. Everyone fucks up.

I apologized to the few people that were really important to me back in the day. I also came to the conclusion that coldness and apathy weren't the answer. I can't stop doing the things I love or being the person I want to be just because some people didn't approve of something I did or said.

I've stopped writing or drawing anything remotely furry because I was trying so hard to push that part of me aside. I didn't want to take one step back into the fandom because I was so terrified of accidentally pissing someone else off. I was so afraid of having mean things spread about me on forums and getting threatening messages on FA. I even got a couple insulting text messages. Yeah, it was pretty out of hand. But that's fine. I understand the mindset that those people were in and it's true that I did the wrong thing. But it's also true that I apologized afterwards.

In the end, I've decided to let the past be the past and move forward. Hopefully others can let that happen as well.

I want to start doing artwork again, writing and painting. I really want to put on my home-made fursuit head and be silly with people. I want to be a part of everything I thought was really awesome about the fandom. I really, truly miss it.

Trying to give up my fursona, Dhani, was like trying to get rid of a piece of myself. It just doesn't work. Those of you who are attached to your character know that feeling all too well. I think that furries who leave, like myself, always end up coming back because there's something here in the fandom that you can't find anywhere else. Like I said when I left, the parts of the fandom I love will always be the creativity, the kindness, and the acceptance that I found here. Sometimes those things are overshadowed with narrow-mindedness, drama and misunderstanding. And when that happens it can take awhile to get past that and start over again.

And you know what? I'm going to start with some gift art for some people that meant and still mean a lot to me.

Always,

Dhani Jackal

I know I haven't posted anything in a long time.

I'm sorry for that I guess.

This journal is mainly here to tell you guys that I'm leaving FurAffinity.

I'm also taking a step back from the fandom.

Online, and in my local community, I found some really great furs who I hope to keep in touch with after this. Some of you really mean the world to me and have been a really great inspiration to my art, my writing and my life.

But, other than those few people, I have been really disappointed by the fandom.

Despite how much we all preach about being a loving, accepting and non-judgemental community, I find that a lot of furries are really paranoid and narrow-minded. Not all of you, of course, but a big part of the fandom is.

Have we really all come to the point where popularity is the most important thing? Being an elitest jackass doesn't make you a "cool" person. It just makes you an ignorant fuckbag, really.

I'm still a furry. I just find myself not wanting to be a part of the community anymore.

I'm going to have a deviantart account. People who ask me for the link can have it. I'll also be giving it to a couple close friends.

I wanted to thank a couple people for making my time on FA really good :3

Thanks~

 Amran
 FoxenPrint
 Sakaru
 onai

I'm sure there's others but I don't want to fill up this space with icons.

Thanks guys!

See you around.

- Dhani the Jackal

Hai!

I just got back home from my hometown in Saskatchewan. I had a great time.

Got my muse back totally too~ I'm really excited to get to work, especially after my boyfriend gave me some amazing ideas to improve and practice.

I'm currently not doing any gift art anymore because I find that what I do for people isn't really appreciated. I know that some of you have been really excited to receive artwork from me... but there's been times where I spend hours on a piece for someone and have them just go..."Oh, you finished? Finally." Sort of harsh.

So if you see me at a meet, feel free to politely ask for a sketch or whatever but I won't be doing full, hardcore laminated badges for people who really don't appreciate it.

That sort of turned into a rant, didn't it? I'm sorry D:

Anyway, my boyfriend suggested that I do short, one-shot comics so I can practice different poses, emotions and etc. I thought it was a great idea, so I'll be trying to post one weekly or bi-weekly. My life has been pretty hectic as of late :3

This is what I have to get done:

 Yuska - Inked sketch
 Amran - Badge
 Sakaru - Character ref


But I am open for commissions if anyone is interested. Send me a note?

- Dhani

I decided to actually post some stuff. XD

For my own amusement?

Love you guys again <3

- Dhani

I never update this.

Lawl.

Love you guys.

- Dhani

Hello~

I bought a laminator last night and I'm pretty excited about it. That means I can finally laminate badges. Which means I might actually take on badge commissions or... something.

Paypal confuses me though.

Anyway...

I'm still working on my little list of stuff that I have to finish.

Here it is!

Limey - full color (80% complete)
 Amran - random (50% complete)
 TheSnoMan/ Davecko - full color (50% complete)

Finished!

 kai74 - Badge
 Sakaru - Badge
Limey - Badge
SkyFox - Badge


Actually,  kai74 got my very first laminated badge. Or he will... once I give it to him XD

If you're interested in commissions (I doubt any of you are but I still try)... let me know? Send me a note or something.

Love,
Dhani

Hey guys

I've been super busy lately with work and with my new mate.

That's why I haven't posted anything in awhile. I should be soon though.

This is mostly just for me to list the stuff I need to get done XD

Requests/Gifts

- Limey <3 (coloring)
- Sakaru (Sketching)
- SkyFox (coloring)
- Amran (Coloring)
- Sno (Coloring)

That's about it.

Love,
Dhani

I'm livestreaming for fun.

I'll be finishing up a huge list of art I need to get done... or rather... starting it T_T

We have a lot of fun in there when lots of people show up <3

http://www.livestream.com/dhaniart

So. I have a livestream now too because I'm a cool kid.

Pretty generic name XD

http://www.livestream.com/dhaniart

Come chat and shit. We have a party in there.

In light of the flattering amount of favourites I got on one of my pieces, I'm feeling pretty spectacular. I don't really need to get attention on my art to feel validated as an artist but it certainly makes me feel good.

Even looking over the past couple months, I'm seeing a bit of improvement in myself which is making me feel amazing as well. If I keep myself practicing and drawing then maybe I can improve to a higher level. I guess when  FoxenPrint (At least I think it was her? She told me to post shiz anyway) told me to join FurAffinity, she was being more helpful than she even knew XD

Anyway, this is mostly just a list for my own organization. Not going to be much on it. If you want to trade or just have a request *shrugs* Let me know and I'll add it.

List

Yuska - Badge
Yuska - Full Color
 Sakaru/Yuska - Full Color (lulz)
 Sakaru/ DhaniJackal - Matching badges

Not very exciting, see? XD

Anyway... Thanks o_o

- Dhani

So...

This is for the couple people who are waiting for gift art and for Onai who is waiting for my half of the trade.

The thing that I usually use to upload my art (aka, my camera) is missing. I left it in the back of my step-dad's truck and didn't realize it until he drove away... T_T So I'm not sure when I'll be able to upload the stuff. I'm finished everything, of course. It's just a matter of uploading it.

Just thought I'd tell everyone that xd

- Dhani

Colby.

Your smile.
Your laugh.
Your charm.

Find myself wondering
what'll pull me under next.
Fuck baby.
You make me feel like
I'm a million things in one.
Begging to just feel
this beautiful again
Here take my hand,
we're gonna go h-h-higher.

I have this passion for
this sweet grin of yours.
Flash of those eyes
leaves me breathless.
Can't believe how much you
let me shine.
Glowing like the stars.
Reaching out for you.

Shit, love.
You keep me on my toes.
Anticipating every word.
What'll you say next?
Skipping on my way home
noticing the breeze
running through the trees.
Birds singing
ground under my feet
holding me up like your
s-s-strong arms.

Tilt my head back
your hands on hips
swaying with the music
t-t-touch me.
Lift me up.
Your lips on my neck
your sweet nothings in
my eager ears.
Shivering.
God, darling.
Tingling up my thighs.

*giggles*

- Dhani

Things never turn out the way I'd like them too.

I confessed my feelings, had my heart broken and watched him walk away. I wish I had said something to make him stay. I miss him constantly.

I wish I hadn't tricked myself into believing that my love was enough to make him want to be with me. I always try to fool myself into believing that maybe I'm "enough".

I'm done with relationships and love for awhile.

I wish there was an off button for this agony I'm feeling. Nothing is worse than a broken heart.

And... even after all this, I can't stop loving him.

Pretty messed up.

- Dhani

Want to stay here forever
Feeling the warmth from your skin
How was I supposed to know life would
Make a joke out of all our love

Everything passing by is not coming back

How could I be so careless
It's not like we live forever
How was I to know life would
Make a joke out of all our love

Everything passing by is not coming back

Everything passing by is not coming back

Let me stay forever
Feeling the love of your soul
I'd give up all my days
To have just one more day with you

Everything passing by is not coming back

Everything passing by is not coming back

... By VAST. A song called Everything Passing By

Why do I like that kid so much? ><

Just sharing my thoughts through song.

Love,
Dhani

Some people really need to get over themselves.

Egotistical.

That is all.

- Dhani

Bwahahha! I stole this from ~Fyger hopefully people are interested XD


It goes as follows, and I quote:

"The first five (5) people to respond through comment on this post will receive something made by me.

This offer does have some qualifications, so please read carefully:

1. I make no guarantees that you will like what I make, but I do promise it will be unique.

2. What I create will be just for you.

3. It'll be done this year

4. I will not give you any clue as to what it's going to be. It may be weird or beautiful or even edible. Who knows?

5. In order to be eligible, you must post a note of your own, with the same offer and terms: to make five things for the first five individuals to respond to your note."

Happy Birthday Me!

*waves a flag*

Well... technically not for another half hour.... >.> But meh.


- Dhani

Hello.

I've been feeling more artistic lately. Luckily I have furs who are willing to be drawn by me in various unsavory circumstances. Well, not that unsavory. More like tasteful nudity.

On a less exciting front, I'm heading to Saskatchewan next week to visit my dad and step-mom. Hopefully I'll be meeting up with a new furry there. He doesn't know much about the fandom but I'm sure we'll find a ton to talk about.

Other than that *shrugs*

<.<

>.>

( I don't think anyone reads this anyway XD )

Love,
Dhani

There were many things I would have liked to do to help someone who was important in my life. Someone who, when I was small, I remember as being full of laughter.

I remember playing at the bottom of my grandparents stairs. Their house that smelled like old books and delicious food. A pile of ancient lego blocks on the floor that both my cousin and I were far too grown up to be playing with anyway. Jarrod was a lot of fun to hang around with then. We used to build these lego robots and chase Kylie around with them. She loved it. We had a great time.

I also remember Aunt Terry coming to the top of the stairs and telling us to settle down. Of course, she didn't mean it very much. Just the same motherly scolding I knew my own mother would come down to say in a couple of minutes.

I wonder what happened along the way that made things so different. I know it's not true, but part of me feels responsible. Maybe if I had spoken up a bit more, encouraged a bit more. Been myself a bit more. Things would have been different. I know I'm just trying to find a way to fit myself with blame so as to have someone for my family to be angry at.

We always react with anger.

And when my mother called me to tell me that my aunt had passed away, I was overwhelmed with anger. So much anger that I had to sit down and write it or I would go insane. I'm angry at the doctors for failing her, I'm angry at her husband for standing by and doing nothing. I hate myself for being too sick to go and say goodbye. And I hate... it's stupid to hate.

But mostly I'm just sad. Sad to the very core of my being.

Because I know in my heart that she deserved better than what she got. We can only make life work with the hand we've been dealt. And I wish she had been dealt another one. One that hadn't landed her with the person she was wish. One that had made her healthy. One that would give her the strength to fight off the pain she was given. One to get better.

Sometimes I wish she had been given my hand.

If only for my mom. For my family. Because I know that the only thing I can do is to be a shoulder. I can be calm. Collected. I can radiate strength because that's the only thing I can do right now.

I loved my aunt. I really did.

I wish I had been able to fix her.

And I hate myself for failing.

Love,
Dhani

Hey~

I've had a couple people ask me but I'm not sure what to tell them...

Do you know anyone who does story commissions and how much do they charge for them?

A couple people were interested in getting a written commission from me rather than an artistic one o_o I have no idea how much you'd charge for such a thing. If anyone has any ideas of what seems reasonable... let me know XD

- Dhani