Me and technology don't get along. It took me forever to figure this silly drawing pad out, but now I'm starting to get it.........now.

I just hope I don't break it like I did my poor laptop. The thing is nearing it's death, and I keep making it worse.

Damn you technology, why do you hate me so...

My goodness, I can never keep up with these things. 10 months time is truly a waste of observational information. But it is clear to say that in this short time I have indeed grown in my mental prowess.

That is what I would like to say, but I cannot say for sure. It could simply be an attitude adjustment which altered how I experience the same stimuli. But it is indeed an improvement. My mind, body, and spirit have come together once again after becoming distorted through my illness. With my classes, training, and work bringing me so much information, I began to grow as a person. It seems I wasn't resilient enough to handle the reality of things at first. But as I became accustomed to the world, to living in itself, I began to come under control. In fact I became hungry. My mind craved information with a terrible hunger. I wanted mastery over the things that pertained to my preservation. I learned new things, and learned more on the things I already knew. I quickly became used to processing information, and now I feel like a sponge absorbing all I can. I try to remain practical in my actions and pursuits, but I seem to needlessly complicate things at times.

How amazing that one can change so much within a year. I hadn't seem like such a short time, but it only leaves me in anticipation for what's to come in the future. I chase an old tale of mystics and masters who reached a higher plane of consciousness. They were able to find a peace in themselves and even help others do the same. Like how the shamans would heal the people of their tribes through the ethereal. Such ideas and practices are outdated and folie in this day and age (at least in this region of the world). But their fundamental intentions and ideals are still salvageable and applicable in everyday life. I have read much mention of psychosis in conjunction with shamanism, and there is much observation to support a correlation. But I tend not to dwell on the psychedelic too much, in fear of exciting old thoughts.

It is safe to say, however, that I am improving in all aspects of my life. All except for the aspect of love. This one thing continues to elude my experience, and I find it annoying at times. Such an experience seems quite pleasurable. I've seemed to replaced the urge with other things as of late sadly. But I am fine, and I can wait until I find a comforting equal. Until then I continue to learn.

Gosh, I can never follow through with these things. I get sidetracked by so many things, I can never get to writing. Plus there are so many things to do. I haven't beaten FF7 or Skyward Sword for that matter. Haven't started on that painting either. Just one big cluster fuck of things to do. But that's cool. It just means I have no reason to be bored now.

I doing good now, too good actually. I stopped my medicine a while ago and started taking Taekwondo classes, so now I got ninja hacks. I wasn't really supposed to stop my meds, but they were slowing me down terribly. So I weaned myself off them correctly this time, and now I'm somewhat back to how I was before. Though I'm not sure if that's entirely good. I'm more upbeat and lively, but I sound like a mumbling maniac 75% of the time. But I kinda prefer it this way. It makes life so much more interesting. People are so boring in the way they act. With so many people in this world, you would think there would be more characters around. But I can see what kind of person others are pretty easily, so its not too hard to find the good ones.

Speaking of which, I've managed to meet some interesting people, a couple of which I've gotten a bit too close to. I always seem to go for weird guys for some reason. I don't mean to, its just that when I really get to know them they're either transgender, a dick scared of their own emotions, or an overaffectionate drag queen that refers to themself as a bitch. I just want someone like me. Is that too hard to ask?

Anway..........I think I have a fursona finally. Although, I feel it might be a bit cheesy. It doesn't really seem like me, but I see him as more of a representative for me. So once I get a decent picture, get ready to meet Zeke or "Zizi" as my little cousin calls him, lol. I feel really good about this. I'm hoping that maybe I can get a story started with him too. Just so many ideas in head now.

Many more things to be said, but it's late now so I'm getting some shut eye. Until the next entry I suppose.

A NEW PLAYER HAS APPEARED!!!

I will introduce myself as DJ, as that is what my family and friends refer to me as. I am.....a furry. I've been one longer than I realize I guess, but it took a good friend of mine to officially get me into the whole fandom. Which has led me to this lovely site. I guess this introduction is a bit late but it had to be done. I usually write in a journal I have under my bed, but maybe this will be a little more easier, and interesting.

So I'm not the most interesting character. If you line me up with other characters, I don't stand out much. I'm not top tier. I'm just stuck out there in the low tier, where all the neglected characters are. But I'm not complaining. That means I have the element of surprise, and that's what I do. I surprised my folks when I got that scholarship, I surprised my friends when they found out I was gay, and I surprised myself by making it this far in life. I mean, I've kinda been through some weird ish and didn't think I'd make it past 20. But here I am. I'm a little behind on my objectives, but everything is moving in the right direction for me. There are some challenging times where I don't think I'll make it, but things seem to work out for the best in the end.

Well, you may not believe me by looking at my drawings, but I used to be a good artist. Sorta. I mean I could draw people really well, and did portraits of my classmates frequently. But around 17 I sorta got "cursed" and my mind, body, and spirit got thrown into chaos. I honestly don't see how I got through the day. I had stayed like that for 3 years untill I saw a doctor who described it as psychosis. So I start medication and ta-da....I'm back. However, I wasn't the same after my little ordeal. Most of the talent I showed when I was younger had left me, including my ability to draw. Soooo......here I am trying to pick up where I left off and gain back what was lost.

Unfortunately, because of my little "curse" I lost my scholarship and now my family's paying out of pocket for school. I had to get a part-time job to help with expenses, but really I want to save up enough money to move out. I'm also thinking about stopping college for a while, but everyone is saying I should stay. It is the best alternative I suppose. But then, I'm a bit torn over what I want to do really. I've been studying psychology since I started, but now I feel that art is something I'd rather do instead. I used to be good at it, but now I'm lacking in the imagination stat. I think it's the meds that I'm on. Every once in a while I'll stop taking them for a couple of days, just so I can think a bit more freely. I want to stop taking them period, but I'm afraid that I might go back to how I was. I tried before and I wound up worse that I was before I started taking them. But to be fair I didn't do it properly so that may have been the cause.

Okay, enough of that. I'm hear to state my objective. I am here to develop my artistic skills beyond what they once was. But I'm also here to have fun. I'm not looking to be the best, but I would like to be great at least. That may take a while, but I'll get there eventually. I'm gonna try to make some friends too. I've been by myself a lot these years and hardly see my friends anymore. Plus it's been a while since I've been intimate, and I want me some of that good lovin. A friend, a mate, I don't really care who I get it from I just want it.

So expect more journal entries from me from now on. I'm gonna try to make this a regular thing. I think. You can use your journal for this type of thing right? Oh, who the hell cares. People don't read these things anyway. It's mostly just for me to keep track of my thoughts. But I guess this is a good start.

And with that I end my intro. Till next time.