First cancer is took my cousin sam from us.

Then find out one of my friends from when I lived in Green Bay has cancer around his brain. they had removed tumors twice but found out last year it was cancer there.

Now our dog charlie lost his battle with cancer. Yes he was getting old but still so hard on my mom. Not sure how well she will be able to take it she is still recovering as it is from my cousin sams funeral. She even has a charm on a necklace with some of Sam's ashes in it. So hoping she will be able to handle this as her emotions get really bad due to hoshimotos thanks to that always messing with her thyroid.

So sad but have to hold it together and be strong.

Sorry for the spam upload. Had a bunch of characters I had gotten ages ago I still had not posted. There are still more beyond these that have not been posted. They will show up in time I promise they will. Just wanted to get some of these guys and gals up. Thanks for bearing with me on this.

Just got word that my cousin sam passed away today. Luckily much of his closest family and friends made it there yesterday to say their goodbyes to him. Sadly me and my family were unable to make trip in time.

He was 23 yrs old and cancer took him from us. He fought so hard through all the pain and stayed so strong for so long.

As sad as I am (and I'm pretty broken up right now) my mom is in really bad shape...doesn't help with hashimotos disease her emotions are so much stronger and can flip so quickly. Having a hard time even seeing the screen right now I'm crying so much...so lost as to what to do or anything right now.

Thanks everyone for the support and kind words they do mean a lot to me especially at a time like this. So depressed right now...but have to stay strong to help give my mom strength. Can't show my pain right now she needs me.

My cousin sam is being moved to hospice today. He battled cancer for the last two years but even with the marrow transplant and everything his body is giving out. His organs are shutting down and he does not have much time left. They did all they could and even tried some experimental medication to try and help. But it looks like his time is coming. Its been so hard on my entire family and I never got to see him when this started as they had to fly him to another state a long ways away. So never even got to say my goodbyes. Saddest part is he is barely even mid twenties. So young and now his time may be up.

Out of all of this all I can say is live your life to the fullest as you never know when or what may happen. So please remember that and please do not take moments with family for granted as you never know when will be the last time you say goodbye. So make every moment count no matter how little.

Much love yall...I will get through this...I always do. And thank you for listening to me. ^_^

Hello Everyone,

 RA~CROC

An artist is taking commissions to help save his horse from the killpen. He needs some help to save his beloved horse show him some love and show how we love to help our own in times of need.
It was apparently stolen from him and he found the animal, but not they are askign for $980 (min I'm assuming) to get him back.

More Info here:
https://www.furaffinity.net/journal/8753341/
https://www.furaffinity.net/journal/8753341/
https://www.furaffinity.net/journal/8753341/
https://www.furaffinity.net/journal/8753341/
https://www.furaffinity.net/journal/8753341/
https://www.furaffinity.net/journal/8753341/

I have stuff to post and a lot of people know it. Sorry I have not posted it I apologize to the artists I got the art from.

Things are not in a good place for me right now. Was hoping for almost 3 years trying so hard to get this job. And recently (January...not that recent I guess) I lost my last job and was terminated. Now this job I had been working so hard to try and get well turned me down and pretty much said do not contact us. So now I'm in a bad situation... the bad situation is I have been trying every job in the mean time applying for tons of jobs just to make ends meet until now. Now I'm out of places to apply to locally and have no money to move or anything (not asking for hand outs or anything cause I do not want help). This is more of a note to say why I'm so distant right now. I'm still trying everything I can to turn my life around but right now the depression is so bad all I want is to be alone. I know that being alone is not good but its how I have dealt with this since I was a teen.

So I'm sorry if I'm quiet or distant or not posting anything...right now life is rough and my depression is rougher. (scary part is looked up how to get pills to end it all....but my beliefs would never let me have that as an out so don't worry about me like that...I can't do it). So don't be scared as bad as it gets for some reason deep down have never been able to end it....no matter how bad it gets.

Glaucoma Surgery Auction and Donation Pool
KioStarCatcher could use some help meeting the funds he needs for the surgery and the glasses he will need post surgery. So if you could donate even a little bit everything helps. And don't do it for me do it to help him out thats the important thing show him the community loves everyone who's a part of it.

Link to his journal:
http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/8691708/

☆Donation Pool☆
https://paypal.me/pools/c/83nBlUvqDU

So please help if you can. Have a wonderful day and thank you so much for reading. And thanks for the attention. Share if you can and donate if you can. Lets try and help him get the funds he needs for this surgery and the glasses. Thanks. ^_^

If only "Oasis" from "Ready Player One" was real as to have an escape to where you could truly be anyone or anything you wanted...that would be heaven for someone like me.

---

Yup just saw the movie and read the book a couple times.......

More heros/band members to come...still waiting on some art to come in yet before we get the full view of the band. There are at least two more members I'm waiting on getting the art for at the moment. In the mean time I decided since I have my bros computer to use better get the art up I have. So thus why the mass of uploads of adopts. As you can tell I have been sitting on some art for a while now and it was time I got some of it up here.

The band idea is something I have had going on in my head for a year or better. But I was also working on the side idea for them. thanks to a certain artists series I happened upon an idea I have always had in the back of my head for some time. The superhero idea came to me after reading a comic by  Rubberbuns and his friends series too  Omega_Mysterium their series with the rubber symbiotes has really captivated me. I love the idea of these symbiotic rubber suits that enthrall heroes and others to the will of whoever controls the symbiotes. So who knows maybe one day one or a couple members of the band will find themselves enthralled by these awesome creations.

So thanks for putting up with the mass of uploads...I had the opportunity to do this and felt it was time to do so...hope yall enjoy and thanks for the inspiration. There may have been even more who influenced this idea some time ago but my brain sucks for remembering names...But thanks to all and hope yall enjoy these characters.

Only other one I can think of off the top of the head to thank is  Nex_Anima_Canis from his wild stories that I also love.

Now I just need to find time to work on a proper backstory as well as refine their descriptions a bit better....just need to find the time....sigh

Sigh...tell boss that I'm stressed and getting piled on with work more than I can handle while meeting all the turn in times. So after talk he says he will talk again later. Later get in there and someone else is in the room (knew this was a bad sign from the start). They give me a choice I can stay and he fires me eventually for not meeting quotas or I can leave on mutual terms so I can get unemployment maybe as well as use them as a reference in the future. I chose the later one. So many were upset with me leaving as I knew so much about what we were doing (drafting fiber maps for Charter/Time Warner) and knew more about it than those who trained me (how that happened in a little less than 3yrs I have no clue). Now they have no one to go to that could fix stuff as well. Now sitting at home waiting for medical bills to come from my issues related to that place a month ago. And not sure how I will pay them...oh well. Please don't worry about the bills or me...I will figure it out on my own somehow. If it comes to it will sell my Magic: the Gathering cards as can't play that locally anymore anyways (shop closed last friday). As usual in my life one bad thing like shop closing is followed by another...such is life time to figure out what my next option is...

Thanks yall for your support no worries I will be fine...I will find a way somehow...

Take care yall...gonna be really busy now trying to find work again....

Not sure how much longer it will last as its locking up constantly and having all sorts of issues. So be aware might be a bit sporadic online as fighting with it as is to stay online.... SORRY to everyone ahead of time. Just another thing in a long line of things blowing up in my face these days....SORRY again.

Will have to rely on my old kindle which is twice as old as my laptop for all my online stuff....

No joke this is what they have been telling me since I was little. If I got picked on or treated like garbage by anyone was told not to stand up for myself. If I had an opinion apart from what was seen as the norm was told to hide it. A cause you cared about if it wasn't in the majority was told to shut up. Then they would say at work to stand up and say how I felt about things but heavily censor them to a point where no one would know what was making me unhappy.

Individuality was often suppressed and my desires and dreams were never allowed to be my own. When I did try to express myself they would look at me with disdain. I have three items from furios's shop on society 9 and no less than 12 times my mom has threatened to throw them away cause she doesn't like them. The only time I had fun seemed to be my escape to FNM magic and now thats done since the shop is closing. That was the only way apart from online where I would hang out with friends or have fun.

Now my entire family hates me cause I stood up and said what they don't have the guts to say to my nieces mom. And now they are all pissed at me. Things have been getting worse and worse when it comes to her and her current husband. They favor one kid cause he has a lot of issues and constantly tell their other children we can't spend much time with you cause we have to concentrate on their brother. Who has in the past tried to burn down the house, swung fire pokers at the other kids, has threatened to thrown temper tantrums to the point it endangers others. They refuse to send him to an institution to get real help even though they have had it offered even for free more than once. My niece has to raise the other kids it seems like and sh is only about to turn 16. I finally had enough and now that I said something my family wants me to delete my FB account and now act differently and just sit there while they endlessly complain about whats going on as it gets worse.

I'm at my wits end and have no idea what to do. At this point I won't eat at the table with my family even if it means I go hungry for the night. I'm stressed out of my mind. And then to boot my back is having major issues so much so I'm missing work due to pain alone. When it rains it pours in my life.

The saddest thing is I hate using this site to vent but its the only place they don't monitor me as they do not know I'm here. They especially don't know I'm a part of this community if they did I would likely be homeless... sigh... Well guess I gotta try and be positive somehow even though I can't see how to be positive about much anymore.....

Well things have been rough the last number of months for me when it comes to work. Sadly the position I have at work pays for crap. So thusly been in and out of debt for at least the last year or more. I kept listening to my boss and friends holding out hope things would change for the better. Alas they have gone from bad to worse. My old boss that I got along with and trusted to a point is leaving for another position somewhere else in the company. This means they went and found someone to replace him. Sadly who they got is the man who has the absolute worst reputation in the company. It takes almost nothing for this guy to write someone up or fire them...I know this for a fact as he did it to one of my friends. And now he is my boss...my old boss is urging me to give him a chance....sadly can't trust him since he said hold on don't apply for other postions stay where you are trust me it will work out. He said that crap to me time and again to keep me on his team and how was I rewarded 35 cent pay raises...the standard rate.

Now I'm at a crossroads. I have a week maybe where I can apply where my brother works (he works at a mine) and get better pay. Problem is with my neck and back my health will go to crap. Or I can stay where I am and keep hoping things will change when I know they wont and continue to get passed over for any position I do apply for.

Another thing that comes with the mine work is that it has horrible hours you can be shuffled between all 3 shifts every week. Which also means there is no way I can play magic the gathering anymore and for me that was the only time I got out of the house with friends. With that gone I have no reason to get out of the house as I don't drink, never was one to hang out at a bar and there is nothing else going on around here.

My frustration has gotten so bad lately I hardly feel like doing anything right now. Skipped the last 3 FNM's in a row meaning I have not left the house in weeks apart from work or shopping for food. Arggghhhhh adulting sucks so much and my health issues suck even more.

Oh well not like the FNM thing matters only have two friends I can count on there so its not like going from 2 local friends to zero is that huge apart from me being depressed all the more lol...sigh...

Well have a good one yall hope life treats you all a lot better than it seems to do to me lately....and trust me I'm leaving out some serious health stuff right now...

Well found out sad news today. My last surviving grandparent (my dads mom) is not doing well. They say its just a matter of time right now. She is not eating due to several blockages that they have no way to remove as she would likely not make it through surgery. We are planning on seeing her maybe this weekend...will gladly take off work to get to see her.

As many likely know things have not been great with me. Been battling depression issues, money issues, problems at work and just general issues in life. No need to worry about me at all. This post is more about saying sorry to yall. I know I have been very inconsistent with everything lately and a flake at times. For that I'm sorry. I'm working hard to get everything back on track but its not easy and will take time. I'm so sorry for this and not being available to friends that have had my back for so long. Know that I'm with you in spirit always my friends.

Well the journey to something better starts with but a single step. Lets hope this first step is a good big one and I can get back to a good place soon. Love you all.

Been sick for well over a month now. Breathing issues primarily but now its seems like every other day something new crops up. It sucks bad and right now avoiding the doctor all together as still paying the bills from when I initially got sick. All of this plus car payment and other stuff has left me near being in the red. But oh well these are my problems and I do not want help with them...just needed to vent.

The reason for me venting is this coupled with the stress as well as what is going on at work is pretty much being bottled up not to mention this is yet another year pretty much alone (been single my whole life but too shy to even want to chance a date ever). I just needed to let it out more than anything so the stress and frustration does not add to whatever bug or health issues I do have.

I'm happy I do have the friends I do have online and in RL as I would have likely gone crazy by now or fallen into an endless pit of depression. So thanks to everyone who try to lift up this sad excuse for a dragon. Thank you.


And Best wishes to you all. May all of you find the happiness you deserve in your lives.

Seriously don't do anything or get anything for me...please don't waste your time or money on me....I'm not the type that loves receiving gifts much...there are occasions when I accept them but I'm just not the type for receiving stuff...always been more of a giver. So please just take care of yourselves that's what would make me happiest. So please leave this big old dumb dragon to his self misery and general mopy attitude. Stay safe y'all.

Another birthday about to come.....and another birthday about to go.... I remember when birthdays made me happy and felt like they deserved to be celebrated. Not so much anymore at least not for my own birthdays anymore. The only thing that a birthday brings to me is a lot of loneliness and depression. So like usual will just sit alone and let it be at that.... The only thing I find funny or ironic is the fact I'm getting close to being a real life 40yr old virgin...never even been on a real date before lol.

Oh well tomorrow will come and go just like any other normal day...get up alone...go to work...return home...sit in my basement apartment below my parents alone....and then go to bed....sigh...oh well at least I have gotten the chance to help friends and those I look up too so much....


Sorry for letting it all out yall...I apologize....

Seems my left hand is going numb constantly and the lower part of my forearm. Likely more nerve issues I think. On top of that the top of my left foot following up my leg keeps swelling up and there is a fair amount of pain due to this. Even been having issues with my left part of my lips going numb off and on. Seems like stuff just loves happening to me...doing my best to stay strong and think positive. Just thought I'd share what's up. Have a good one yall.

https://www.furaffinity.net/journal/7773182/

 BigBadBeast needs help from the community to allow him to stabilize his life and see his mother again.

Please donate to him or spread the journal. Please do whatever you can BigBadBeast needs your help. I wish I could do more but have collectors after me right now as I'm behind on payments. So please if you can help him please do so. They really need the communities help. I'm begging you if you can help please do so...if you don't have the money like me please spread the word. Its not much but every little bit helps even if its the change you have or anything please show them the love. We are Furries we help our own so please help if you can.

Thank you for your time. Its very much appreciated. And thank you for your help...I mean that straight from my heart.

Here's the first batch of adopts I might be letting go of.....still debating on some like my werewolf/human Mat P.

https://www.dropbox.com/sh/wuw6ioyp.....iQfIc4AZa?dl=0

Please send some work Bianca the skunk out. They really are trying to help a friend out and any work you can send their way is so very appreciated. If you can't help out by getting a Ref please share this link.... I know I would help but I'm doing my best already to make sure a certain friend (Karen Mobius) makes it to Texas. So please please please if you can help get a ref sheet here....please........

https://www.furaffinity.net/view/20745180/
or
https://www.furaffinity.net/journal/7734795/

PLEASE HELP IF YOU CAN....

Might be letting go of a lot of the adopts I have for the price I got them for (some I likely will not be able to remember how much I paid). I will at some point have to put the rest of them back up on here for others to see. There will be some that I will keep but I feel like I'm not doing them any justice by holding onto them right now. I don't have the means right now to get art done for a lot of them and all my plans for so many of them go up in smoke for reasons well beyond my control. Yes it will hurt letting some of them go but they deserve better than me right now. And I will be making sure they go to a home that will treat them well and love them as much as I have. Its just a realization I came too and know its one I have to make no matter how much I really don't want too.

Such a sad day for me but I do realize this is what needs to happen whether I like it or not.....*SIGH*

Severely depressed at seemingly random times...And no not looking for sympathy or anything really. Just putting it out there so everyone knows...maybe that way they might understand why I'm so distant lately. I have severe depression issues lately and more than once thought the unthinkable. But I'm fighting this with all I got ... if not for me then for my friends and family.

I want to apologize to anyone I've been far too distant too. I'm sorry I know I need to get this under control and be a better me and a far better friend. I'm sorry for letting this weakness get a hold of me and know this my friends as well as my family are the main reasons I fight on so without you there would be no me. Love you all. And the best to everyone of you. I love you my wonderful friends and family.

Heading out of town tomorrow to attend my grandmas funeral. Going to be a long sad weekend. Sure she passed months ago but it will really hurt seeing all the pictures and family there. Too many hard memories.

Had to take time off of work to boot and seems like my boss wasn't thrilled with it as we are so far behind that we are on mandatory overtime for the forseeable future....sad thing is there don't have the heart to tell him I'm debating on going to start working at a mine....and that will kill even more free time but I will make better money. Also means I will see a lot less of my friends in the area and do all the activities I love doing with them....playing cards and hanging out on fridays....sigh....not sure what to do....and then there is the fun of throwing up constantly for the last 3 days....darn bugs....

Likely not posting anything here on this acct...maybe other acct too. Same for a bulk of the other sites I'm on. This has nothing to do with anyone on any of these sites or others. I will still be on occasionally favoriting something or writing the occasional comment. I just need time and space to think a bunch of stuff over. I know it's not great to put distance between you and your friends/support when you are down and depressed but I need time and space to think. Not sure when or if I will be back or back to my old self but I'm lost and need to find my path on my own.

I'm sorry to anyone this hurts. I will still be online but I just might not be as talkative. I will occasionally try to log onto Skype and check messages...maybe say hi...

Please do not take this the wrong way anyone this is not about anyone else it's about me. I've lost who I am and I need to try and find myself again. So please take care and I will try to stay in touch when I can.

((Will put on other sites later...writing this from kindle in bed atm))

And to my friends you all know who you are I love you all and thanks for helping me fight this fight with depression. Thank you!!!!