writing stories is kinda fun. i get to create them based on my own intrests and be as creative as i want.

the problems i have though is my spelling and my grammar and the bigest one is i cant go back and read my story and enjoy it. it feels the same as if im hereing my voice played back to me though im not sure thats quite the right way to put it.

for anyone who reads this you know i primarily write diaper vore related stories. though i do have one diapers story right now without vore in it on my inkbunny and that story alone is my longest one so far. if i had kept myself on The Scientists Mishap series i was going to start that would likly be my longest by now as that was going to deal with paralel runing storys where theres only a slight difrince between what hapens when the satalight beam gose off. but i felt like i bit off more than i can chew with that idea as i started writing one of the stories for it. in one univerce half the population of earth would have been turnd into living diapers and in the other if i remember right.(to lazy to go back and look) the beam would caus evryone to become diaper dependnt and there underwear they where wearing at the time to become a perminint diaper with infinant use self cleaning and even alows for ppl to still have sex with them on without puting a hole in them.

its funny i find it a but harder to write a story without vore or something lewd in it. its fun to write diaper vore stuff and i tend to add absorbtion and transformation into the mix mike what i did with my first diaper vore story, Adding more Padding. and in one story i wrote i got a bit weird with it ,Seed Filled Pamper. where the victums get turnd into cum as they get off in a pooltoy you might know as Zoran filling his deflated diaper sextion with the victoms as they turn to cum.

i write mostly to play out fantesys ive had in my head and notmaly end up greating something compleetly difrint or mostly diferent from my fantecys in my head.

all n all i keep woundering if i should try taking a commision or 2 rather than just writing a surprise story for ppl im a fan of or admire in the diaper vor comunity.

problem is i dont have the confidence and ppl who dont know me tend get anoyed at my spelling and grammar. witch is part of why i started to wright to begin with. i was hopeing id start to improve but im not im just useing spell and grammar checking programs to fix what i can and even then some words never get fixed.

im not sure where to go with what i do. Diaper Vore is a very neesh genra of kink and theres so few in this comunity. it would help me a lot if ppl actuly comented on my stuff. there are times when im down and i go to look at the coments on my stuf and it helps. but only a little as there is not much there.
thers one story where Kaio comented on it and iwas estatic about it as ive liked some of the diaper storis ive seen him in. and a cuple of times a fellow writer has also comented witch made me feel good too. cant remember their name of the top of my head though. i wish the ppl faveing my storis would drop a coment, i try to coment on the things i fave though a lot of the time when i do i feel like im saying the same things over and over.

idk im just very depressed and tired and i have anxyety issues on top of it all not even sure what elce to say about my writing at the moment... god this jernals been longer than i intended.

why is it im blocked on twitter by ppl ive never talked to in the abdl/babyfurr community's. ppl i admire one of witch id love to commission sometime. it hurts getting blocked for seemingly no reason by someone youve never interacted with. did i upset someone and they went and put me on some sort of list in revenge? im a nice person i dont do drugs though i support weed even though ive never smoked it myself. im no pedophile and wish every misfortune imaginable short of death on my ex stepfather for what he did to my sister. is it because of an artists i fallow? is it a misunderstanding in a comment i made on something? ppl misunderstand me all the time, im autistic and i cn sometimes ramble on a bit when i make a comment or when i vent.... is it my poor spelling? or my political views? witch is all politicians are shitty ppl they all make both good and bad choices for this contry.
is it because im into vore? cus that would be a dumb reason. i feel like its most like something i said in a comment someplace or some artist i fallow.. i wouldn't follow someone if i thought they where actually into kids. and i wont take someone's word that someone is a pedo without proof and liking cub porn to me dose not count as being a pedo but that's just me

being a part of both the furry and abdl community there are stereotypes on both community's where outsiders thing furrys are into kids and same for us abdls/babyfurrs i brought up concerns about this with my therapist once or twice as ive always been open with her. i told her ive dwelled on how we furry and littles alike because like any other furry or abdl ive been called a pedo and even a zoophile by outsiders who just take one look at a furry or abdl profile pic and automatically judge me without getting to know me. and i bright up fantasy ive had sense i was a teenager with my therapist too and i straight up asked am i a pedo because im an abdl and furry and have wired fantasies from my teen years that haven't gon away and she told me im not and that im worrying over nothing. that my anxiety is causing me to overthink about it all and dwell on it and second guess myself all the time. i even asked her if she thought my stepfather had done anything with other kids like his own biological daughter's and she said its quite possible but pedophiles have tiypes in most cases a pedophile likes a specific hair type or something like that. if that's the case then the only thing that stopped him from doing anything to me is probably that hes straight plus i was older and i probably would have killed or seriously injurd him...i like to think of myself as a pacifist but... honestly you never truly know what your capable of or how you would react to something until that moment comes. to this day im still question what would poses someone to do something to a kid.. i do understand in a lot of cases the pedo is likly a victim themselves back when they where yung or they had some other trauma and abuse that twisted there mind. but as far as i know my stepfather never went through anything like that unless something happened when he was serving in the navy during desert storm

i think its stupid to block someone you've never interacted with unless they are actually a truly toxic person, like that one racoon starts with a D, that's always getting talked about on twitter or Ryan Hill or anyone who supports FurryVally and there leader.

ive been through a lot of crap the past several years sense we found out what my stepfather did to my sister and things went from bad to worse each year after with my moms loneliness and depression along with her grieving over three family member that passed in that time and bullying she was receiving at work her self confidence is gone she got scammed serval times making everything that much worse. and the whole time i somehow without braking down myself was in a way her pillar of strength. but eventually even i wasn't enough once she lost her job just before this covid19 shit hit the fan. and all through this time my mom would thank me for everything i did to help her like cooking dinner a few nights a week cus by the time she got home from work she was to tierd to make anything other than toast or a bowl of cereal.. and something about her thanking me just made me feel bad it was draining. hear i was silently suffering being her pillar when i had no-one i could call to pick me up and hang out and vent and just decompress.

im sorry i went off droning on i always end up doing this ones i start venting i find it hard to stop and my thoughts just keep pouring out of my fingertips...

im kinda tempted to look up weather im on someone's stupid list for some reason. but im scared of what i might find and its not like i could do anything about it. but it just really hurts to find ppl you admire or want to commission have you blocked without ever having talked or interacted before.

im just stuck im overwhelmed by the things i want to do, and the things i need to do, as well as all the things going on around me and in my family and among my friends... like right now i want to play games but im just not realy in the mood. i also want to write more. i need to eat more and eat better, but this is going to be a difficult thing for me to figure out as my grandmother needs to be on a separate diet do to cholesterol and having only part of her pankrias. and then there still trying to adjust to living with her shhes a social person and im not shes also nosy with pretty much every one around her witch i dont like and is part of what has driving her duaghters away from her. it would be great if i could find a friend that lives near by i could hang out with and even sleepover sometimes... idk i just feel like all i am ins THE HELP, so to speak because untill i moved here i was helping kep my mother grounded to reality and only just barely her dilutions of these ppl she was talking to online was wearing me down and im glad i dont have the burden of my mothers dilutions, i was also making sure she ate something other than just toast or a bowl of cereal all the time because she was too depressed and tired to fix anything better most of the time. im glad that my grandmother at least has a level head and is as carful as can be with her health....sometimes a tad bit over the top and yea rather forgetful but at least she has a level head. still she needs a stent put in her heart witch would have been this past Wednesday but they tested her for covid before hand and it was positive so no surgery.. i got tested a day later and im negative. so now im worried about getting covid as i try to spend time watching tv with her during the daytime . and she cant handle the heat outside do to the blockage in her heart right now so i have to walk her dog for her. but then theirs alll these little stupid things that she dose and wants me to do like on trash day no mater how little is in the bathroom or kitchen trash it gose out...it makes no seance to me and is very irritating because it dosent make any seance....sigh i just dont have the wiggle room or time alone to work on myself and i haven't had that in years and im abrade im never going to have that again... i realy want to know who i am i know im a little and i always will be but i have no big around to help me out with my little side diapers have been a thing for me sence i was Actuly little..one of my best friends gets to have a boyfriend and even friends he can go visit with or visit him once in a while but i dont realy have that i dont get to have a guy around my own age who likes me and i like back the same way. and honestly im terrified of falling in love again. im still very good friends with my ex and i always will be he will always have a place in my heart too and whoever comes into my life next better be ok with that.. im on Howler app looking to see if any furry abdls are around me but there really arent any and anyways im to shy to shoot anyone a message on there.... i just turnd 30 in july . im constantly feeling scared and alone in the world dispight the few friends i do have. and i feel like i have noone to turnd to if things go south again or anymore south than things have alredy got over the years to be more accurate. idk where im even going with this anymore i dident mean to go on a ramble like this.... im sorry

sigh am i ever going to get the spark back? the motivation the inspiration to write again? im an armature at best and i only have a paw full of story's i wrote in the past year and a couple of poems i did ages ago because i was bored or in love. like The Scientists Miss-hap my idea for that was to have three story's of ppls exp when the beam hits the planet or whatever and have alt versions of those story's.. then this covid19 thing happens and on top of that my mothers financial issues and me being her financial anchor in a way, the situation with me and my mom is complicated..shes made some very big mistakes and its effecting me too, im more depressed than normal some of my anxiety is because i can feel hers.

i want to get back to it and finish thee story i started months ago but my mood not right and the spark is not there. funny thing is a big part of what got me wanting to write at all was reading Out Of Position, a gay furry romance that continues into a total of five books if i remember right. as well as Waterways both writen buy Kyell Gold, wonderful reads btw never thought id like a romance book before reading those, got me laughing as well as crying. i dont hope to ever write anything that good though, idk the few storys i got are once i did for characters im a fan of, and there are still characters id like to write a story for and surprise with

one of the other things that has me down, and i do my best to put it out of my mind, is how lonely i am i want a couple of local friends to hang out with diaper up go to the zoo or muzium with or just sit and play video games and watch movies with. and also while i dont feel ready at all for it id like to find myself in a relationship again,with someone who understands me and can take care of me. mind you i dont mean full on baby me but remind me to brush my teeth((yes i realy do need help remembering to do this)) and also to let me relay explore myself and who i am ive been so suppressed all my life and i want to try some things both sexual and non sexual. and other things...idk lost my train of thought....... um the one thing i do know about the real me is my little side is dominant over my adult side, but also my therapist tells me i have a dominant nature. im not sure what this means for me in the abdl community let along in a relationship as ive never liked the idya of doming over someone. one of the things im afraid of is being put in a position of power over others, because i can get caryed away i think. idk theres honestly a lot i fear of myself...

i seem to have got carried away and turnd this into a bit of a babbling rant of my flowing thoughts when all i intended to talk about was my lack of writeing motivation...oh well

i want to write some more diaper stuff and diaper vore too. but the one project i was working on i havent touched in a good while. and id like to edit my very first story so i have an sfw version for FA as well as edit the original version to be a bit better. but i kinda gave up on that. the project story i was working on is the universe where The Scientists Mishap happens and i was going to maybe do two ot three stories each with alt versions.

but theres some stuff going on in my life. and its weighing down on me id elaborate more on whats going on but im trying not to give more life story and rambling on and on. i hope one of these days something really good happens and i can make a more positive journal.

you ever read a really good diaper story or comic one with a roller coaster of emotions and interesting or even sexual plot points. with a side of good friendships and the end of bad friendships and just start crying or get upset with your own life .how you wish your family had supported your harmless interest in diapers growing up or wishing briefly you had grown up diaper dependent and wound up with almost all the right friends and stuff...idk im just babbling. was reading a good comic earlier and im just sad and angry and frustrated with my life. this happens to me with any really good story involving diapers. i wish i had the power to step into a parallel life when i still have all the friends i have now but maybe im still with my ex and we are living together and i grew up with supportive family and friends and maybe even have a weak bladder so that i need diapers just in case anyways. i wish i could fix the world so that thos of us who have suffered in the abdl as well as furry community dont have to suffer anymore and society is kinder and much less judgmental, with less calling for wars and fighting and more peace and love and happiness... but right now most of all i wish i had a big brother or father figure to pull me into their lap right now and make everything feel better. i know ill never have that though. not when ive lost who i am and cant even socialize very well anymore.not that i was ever that grate to begin with,damn autism and social anxiety..among other things. nearly 30 years old now and despight the friends i have online i still feel so alone and very very lost

idk what to do for my b day this tuesday. i got noone but my mom to celibrate with and cant realy aford to celibrate. im deprest im getting older and for lack of ppl to hang out with on my b day

1.A tuar of my fursona in a wet and or messy diaper

2.My sona wetting and messing his diaper

3.a 4 person pic of me and three of my closest friends with our arms over each-others shoulders, our pants down and our diapers wet, with grins on our faces.

4.a regression pic or more

5.A pic of my sona playing video games not bothering with a potty brake (yup his diaper would be full) possibly playing with a friend too if I can afford it

6.A diaper-critter version of my sona

7. Someone wearing and using my diaper critter form

8.My sona being hypnotized into dumb baby bliss possibly filling his diaper in the proses

9.Verius vore situations

10.A toony version of my sona

11.Only a pipe dream but fur suit maybe

12. Graduation pic

13.Dizzy as a male Wing-diver but his wet and messy diaper is to heavy for him to fly

14.big kids dont wear diapers huh? funny im a pretty big kid and as you can see im in a diaper

15. situation where im complimented and idk how to respond so i say something dumb like happy hump day or marry xmass

16. Dizzy as Darth Pamp-furr not sure on the outfit but diaper would be exposed possibly used and lights saber would look a bit like a rattle at its tip^^

17. rejuvacation commission idea... rejuvication gone wrong dizzy gets regressed to his preteen self but part of him somehow regresses back to babyhood so while regressed to a teen hes diaper dependent

18.Eat Sleep Game Repeat oh and change your diaper from time to time so you dont stink

19.Junior Area 51 raider

20.paper cup 90s esc diaper design. id totally rock it with a t shit and jeans with a plad button up wrapped around my waist and the diaper peeing through snaps in the crotch popped open. Yellow t shirt cyan plad button up around waist blue jeans with popped open snaps in crotch wet diaper peeking through. and spiky frosted tip haircut. and maybe sucking on a pacifier. (Teenage dizzy)

21.dizzy being sleepy and wanting to go to bed

22. Rabbit from whinny the pooh comforting a crying adolescent Dizzy in just his full diaper after being made fun of by mean kids in the park

23. a telegram sticker set maybe 15 or so idk

24. "Every good gamer skips potty brakes" t shirt for Dizzy idya "Gaming Pants? or Gaming Pamps? shirt one being image of boxers the other a diaper

25.Dizzy in a diaper he filled with Orbeez and the diaper getting very big and a little lumpy from the absorbent beads with each diaper wetting.

26. head emptying diaper filling. what's making it happen is up to the artist.

27. a care bear cusen...my sona but small like a care bear.. but what would my tummy mark be.. care bear cusens where the non bear care bears

28.

29.

30.

my b day is the 30th of this month and idk what to do for it i have noone to hang out with and no wear to go. turning 28 but id rather be turning 8.. what can i do to help brighten my mood?

just when things started to improve for me and my mom and her financial issues after being scammed the apartment rent gose up. my moms expenses are more than she makes in a month and we have to put in 2 months notis if we are going to move wich means we got to deside by june 1...i realy dont want to be around my mom anymore and i want my own room agin but thats not hapening after evrything thats hapend my mom cant aford the aprtment by herself and i dont have anyone i can move in with here in houston so im stuc with her cus i dont want her to be homles.. and im trying hard not to let my mom know how i feel about evrything becus all it would do is rub in how much shes fucked up. so i just keep it all inside and its killing me..

welp im single now wasent a bad brake up just long distance and having never met in the 9 years me and my now ex new eatch other well its taken its tol so i had a serious talk with him and he agreed what we've been trying to do just isent realistic

we are still friends and still close still guna rp too we've known each other a long time now and we have talked about staying friends if we ever where to brake up sevrel times over the years

not rily sure what to do now idk if i will ever find someone that i fit with like i did him

my mom is in a bad way emotional and financially and im getting dragged down with her she fell for a romance scam sadly and other things have also go her down like her dad passing away her grandmother and her stepdad all within a year in a half.. ive been my moms piller of strength and well idk shes got some friends she can talk to and visit with but me i dont have anyone i can go to or com to comfort and support me most everyone i know is online and the ones i have met arent able to visit me. im guna try and get a cart pushing jov at krogers its about the only thing i feel capable of doing at this point. im not a ppl person and dont handle pressure well and i stress ez and the crap going on with my mom has me very very stressed... i just wish i had someone i could crash with once in a while when i need to get away.

idk where im going in life i havent for a long long time and i haven't been myself sense i was a yung teen maby younger five years ago found out my now ex step father did stuf with my sister once when she was ten and we dident find out till ten years later and my family's life started to fall aprt rapidly frum there my mothers stepdad was sick with cancer while her bio dad had a neurological version of Parkinson witch was basically taking all motor control from him slowly till he passed last summer while my moms stepdad passed the October before that.. after my moms bio dad passed she wanted to be more charitable gave toys to hospitals stuff like that but she met someone online that needed money and claimed they'd pay her back...idk how much she gave them but it was enuf that we had to move so to make a long story shorter and less detailed my sister lefts and is with her bf and his family in Washington st i though i should just try getting out on my own went to az to live with a friend and out plans dident work out bad landlady and they guy we wher counting on to help us get a place wasent able to get to us so got my mom to come get us put our stuf in storage when we got back to Houston a month later everything was stolen out of the storage.. my friend flipped out so hard when he saw the empty storage unit while i just simply stood there like the introvert i am.. tryed to hug him but it dident help . but anyways he went back home after a few days. now my mom met another scam person online got one of those classic sob storys i was adopted born in another country bla bla bla , and my moms like well no wounder i cant find any info on him online..and i just snapped and strate out told her mom this guy is a scam thats a classic scam artists sob story to win over your hart i siad other things too cus i was pissed shes about to further ruin our lives. ((oh yea and theirs also the most resent death in the family my moms grandmother just before xmass still haven't had the funeral thers been a couple of setbacks)). anyways the next day my mom went over to a friends place and they talked she comes home and apologizes to me saying she nearly kicked me out but understand my concern and wants to just leave it at that for now the guy thats scamming her was supposed to fly in just this past Monday but oh no the terrorists in Baghdad wont let anyone leave the army bace hes on the guys supposedly in drs without borders.. do to trumps bs insurance went up to 200 a munth so my mom was forced to use her work insurgence wich means less money each paycheck this is a one bedroom apartment going for nerly 900 a munth she got medical bills car not rent groshrys i help with the food as well as the rent. um lets see my mother has a greaf group class she gose too as well as a depretion group and a physiologist and shes got friends... i wish i wasent so introverted and i wish it was easer for me to find and make friends with the same intrests as me i think having frinds and hanging out on a ragular basis would rilly help improve my social sckills as well as my emotional state of mind.. the last new friend i made was prity ok lives 2 miles away...but he smokes and i hate that smell...and he seemd to lack emotion on some things idk maby im over parinoyed on top of shy as fuck...anyways thers a lot of other things going on with me and i could go on probably forever if anyone reads this and wants to note me pleas do ill respond as soon as i see it

Last week erly thursday morning. Ther was a brake in at the storege facility me and one of my beast friends had all our stuff in. The unit was in my moms name and well there was nothing left in our unit. All units in that hall where hit but ours was closest to the door. All that said and with the other crap over the past cuple of munths. Im in pain. Im herting. I realise i cant make it on my own. Im not eating enuf so im loseing weight. I lost my dogs calor a memory album my grandmother made abung other pictuers. Mmy computer except i got my hard drive still. My ssi files bank statements w2s. My beirth certificate. Plushies. Jakets books three antiques... my friend lost his computer hardrive included his drawing tablets. All art hes made and comitioned over the years. I know i shouldent but i feel partly responseble. Idk how to deal with all this. I need to let it all out but i cant. Even whearing diapers isent helping me right now. Idk if trying go fund me would even be worth a shot. Idk how that stuf works. I have autism and i feel more. Romen now than ever. Whoever did this i hope they go down and go down hard. Idk how much more shit i can take hapening right now

Well thankfully the huricain dident get us at my moms aprtment we are in katy west side of houston right on i 10. Me and my friends storege unit thankfuly is safe too as that has our whol lives in it basickly. We are now wateing for a duble wide tralor to be cleand of mold and have floor repairs. Not huricain related. Mold cleaning woulda started munday but the huricain got here so hopfuly they wont take too long to come out to conroe. Me and my friend cant stay in my moms one bedroom apartment too long its rather cramped. I hope any houston furrs that come acros this are doing ok as well as others from the other citys afected.

its my b day and first one away from home and family cant really afford to do anything sadly but hope that my day goes well anyway.

idk what im doing anymore ive just lost my dog we had to put her down she was 15 had a possible tumour that we couldn't afford to confirm kennel cough an ear infection that we went unaware of for so lone it may be why she was losing muscle mass in that side of her head... my mom couldn't keep her since she's getting an apartment and i can't take her to AZ with me.. on top of all that im having some jealousy issues....really kinda hope he doesn't see this anytime soon as im not up for talking about it right now but one of my best friends his mates a caretaker type of person and when i move to az im guna be in the same room as them for a couple of months.. don't get me wrong im super happy for him and everything but i just really wish i had someone like that in my life a big brother or daddy... my own mate of 7 years is in Ireland and we've never got to meet yet sadly is a little like me and well lately we just haven't been able to talk much he's got a full-time job and is 6 hours ahead of me and when i move to AZ 2 hours will be added on to that...

then there's the other night when i was in chat with my friend and his mate...im kinda worried his mate will hat me or hit me or something i wasn't getting the friendliest of vibes from him

and lastly there whether or not ill be able to keep my ssi when i move without my mom there to help me if i re-apply i don't think ill be able to get it back which will make the move completely pointless as i won't be able to pay rent or food..

i very badly need someone that can really care for me i miss having a father and ive always wanted an older brother both to cuddle with and care for me. i know that my 2 best friends care about me they are like little brothers to me even but i want someone in my life i can depend on and maybe spoil me a little..but whos guna want an autistic diaper freak like me around.. it doesn't show much but its there

never thought id ever have jealousy issues to deal with especially with someone im close to....it honestly hurts cuz i don't want to feel like this it makes me feel like a bad brother and friend .

my life seems to revolve around my mothers mistakes. I love her and I worry about her a lot but I'm realizing that i need to get away from my family because right now its poison...but i can't leave...one i got no friends I could live with, 2 my moms on the edge of suicide and i can't loose her if i left (given that I could leave) it would just be her and my lazy as sister who dose nothing all day rarely doing a chore here and there while I do most of the house work to keep stress off my mom.. thing is now we are being forced to move do to another of my mother's mistakes and finding something affordable is not ez under the pressure of 30 days. my chest is fluttery in a bad way and I struggled to get out of bed today i feel like i have no energy.. on top of that I'm not sleeping well if at all .. to think we were in a similar situation this time last year only less stressful for me at the time and also do to a mistake my mother made..i guess.. I feel more anger towards her than I'm willing to admit and quite a lot of anger towards my sister the anger will pass at some point I no but the stress I can't escape from it even my diapers don't help with it like they used to. I wish I could go back to a time when I was happy and stress and depression free...but that would be around when i was maby 8 or 9. being autistic doesn't really help matters for my iv inherited anxiety from both sides of my family to begin with then there's the social kind that comes with my autism. and finally we have to find a new home for our cat and 2 dogs we can't afford to keep them..iv always had a pet there for me to cuddle pet and play with when im down...idk how i can go without that and because my dogs about 14 im worried no one will take her or if someone does they will just put her down... im just all around lost right now i need to get away but if i do i could loose my mom.

sigh idk whats wrong with me my games and books dont keep me entertained anymore diapers still work but i cant afford that all the time. i wake up in the mornings sore dispight having a new bed and yet still id rather stay in bed and try and sleep more just to stay in dreamland where things aren't so bad. i got me a lil carnivorous plant cant rally do gardening like id like to try cus we are in a rental home. id like to go to the local furr meets here in Houston but i cant drive and im a bit far from where the meets normally at. at the same time im scared to go too cus im a diaperfurr/babyfurr plus i used diapers to help relieve stress and also i dont like crowds . on top of that im autistic and vew the world differently than most ppl and most ppl dont like my vews hell sometimes my vews conflict . im feeling very lost and alone in the world ive been feeling this way for a long long time the happy person i once was is back in my preteen years .....

i went through and corected as much spelling as i could..

im not in a happy place i can berly play vidiogames witch is my normal emotional outlet on top of diapers too so mutch crap haz hapend and thers so mutch ive missed out on becus of it over the past decade or more.....right now i need to be haild and get some real tlc but i have noone i can call.. i wouldent feel comfterble with my mom and i no she wouldent feel comfterble giving the tlc i want and shes dealing with a lot herself right now so i wouldent bother her about it anyways i have very little motivation left in me ..if i dident have ASD i might be better off

im miserable we will be moving likly within the next munth or less can only look at houses for rent around 1.1 k the whol center of all the crap we are dealing with is both my mothers and ex stepfathers fult idk what to do to get myself motivated to giv drawing a real good try agin wherever we do move too its likly i wont have a decent store to walk to when i feel like geting out of the house let alone find a job on foot once we are settled...i may look into food stamps to help out my mom as long as it docent take away from my income that way i might be able to pay a littl more in rent for my mom... as it is im sceard to even try moving out an in with a friend iv herd rooming with frends is normally a bad idya and in my cace right now being i have a thing for diapers and it helps with my stress i dont theres anyone i could room with ..im easily annoyed tend to keep to myself most of the time ....i need to get out of the house maby go to one of the bowling meets it might help me idk.. part of me want to post this in the Houston furry group on fb here but id feel worse if i did....i wish i could get back in tuch with the real me before my life started getting bad...but id have to be around 10 years ol agin for that

i no noone will read this or care...

im going through some things right now and im rily depressed latly..a year ago we found out my stepfather did something to my sister before he married my mom witch was 10 or so years ago so from what i understand theres nothing we can do about it we just lost an extended family member we are also selling the house between that and the divorce proses and stuff my moms super stressed...and im autistic and i also feed off others emotions i tend to feel what others feel on top of this we have 60 days to move now unless the buyer backs out of the close out date again putting the house back on the market. as for me i was already in a bad place i still am im prity damn lost in life and having not grown up with friends i have none im close to that i i can call over to hold me or anything no diaper buddies or cuddle buddies....sigh on-line i have a lot of good friends ive met a few at least. idk where im rily going with all this i guess i just need to rant or something.. iv liked diapers all my life sense befor potty training its a part of who i am they are comforting an comfy too and yea i use em its fun nothing wrong with that they help with my stress..i may seem like a confident person on-line but im not...i wish i was a skilled artist iv tried ever sense i was in 6th grade but i have no real talent for it..i like to play vidio games a lot but depression seems to be making it hard for me to even want to do that too lately.. id like to go back to the happy kid i once was before i was a teen becus the past 15 years i dont think iv been myself and ive lost whoever the rel me is or was going to be my stepfather basically manipulated us the whol time he wasn't rily a bad guy or so i thought nerly started calling him dad at one point but thankfully never did ...i supose right now i just need a friend or to to diaper up with or take me out for a fun time but gently brake down some of my walls..and im mean rily gently i dont do well with a lot of pushing and peer pressure i need a fur family and i dont mean just on-line but in person....but im scared of ppl

i went through and corrected as much spelling as i could while its all i know english has never made sence to me and from what my physiologist has told me this is comin in autistic kids and adults

I NEED TO RE VIZE THIS AS MY FURSONA IS NOW A TIGER



HOW DIZZY GOT HIS LIVING DIAMOND TAIL TIP

One time as a young kit (7 ½ years old) dizzy had wandered (or better put waddled) onto a humans farm looking for someone to play with. He ended up not finding anyone but the regular dumber animals. he had gotten hungry and found the chickens and while chasing them into a small trap he made with his plant and earth powers (at the time his powers weren’t very developed) before he could get a hold of any of them he herd people shouting and beat it out of there as he ran he stumbled and felt a sharp pain in his tail, tugged a bit thin felt more pain as he got loos as he kept running he looked back to see hit tail tip in the mouth of an animal trap he stumbled his way back to the forest where only anthros where allowed. His diaper was now soaked out of fear for his life earlier, he sat and checked his tail (at the time he hadn’t the strength to do what he’d do with it later in life) and bound it up.

LATER IN HIS LIFE
Ever scents he lost his tail tip years ago (dizzy is now 15) Dizzy has had trouble with his balancing and has been made fun of in school for it (on top of his wearing diapers). Well he’s been honing his power for a while few people know of his special ability… (Just the ones that are now yet again little kits no) they do no he can manipulate plants and earth but this p0wer is the only one no one riley knows about.
So one day he got fed up after he was yet again chested down and beat up still on the ground balling his eyes and marking glowed brighter than they ever have before when he’s used his powers and minerals from the ground came up and formed a deep vibrant pink diamond that liquefied and seeped into his tail after a few moments his tail started to glow and a tip began to grow first bone thin flesh and lastly skin fur (his powers over earth include its minerals) his power over plants and earth had somehow come together with his flesh and regrew his tail tip. His tail tip was now living diamond, and somehow as light as if it where his original tail tip, the color deep pink that shown bright and glittered in the moonlight. After the regrowth he passes out forum the mass use of his power
He later wakes up with the morning sun beating down on him. He stretches a bit and stops as he feels something new, dizzy suddenly sweeps his tail so he can see it in front of him and is dumbfounded to fined it had a new seemingly normal (in sunlight it shows like normal fur)deep pink tip again (he does not yet no that it is living diamond)……..

PRESENT TIME
Dizzy is now 21 years of age and has not had any problems with balance scents the day his powers gave him his living diamond tip. Few people know about how he got it to grow back let alone what it’s made of. He still made fun of for his diapers but not as much as he was years ago most of its playful teasing now and he has a few friends into diapers and baby things to some need them and the others don’t and he has friends that are not into diapers but fully accepts him for who he is.

He sometimes wonders what his life would be like if he hadn’t wandered onto that farm so long ago.

DIZZY COOPER DISCRIPTION
By His Creator and human persona Brian Anthony Dewey

Dizzy is a blood red tiger fox (fox as base species with white strips somewhat tribal looking and symmetrical that glow softly in the dark. He has the ears of a finnic fox and a tail like a regular bushy two tailed fox but as long as a tigers and striped like the rest of his body with a dark pink tail tips. His eyes are a vibrant green and so are his paw pads,and has a black nose and hair is light-ish blue with green highlights


He is very caring and loving he’s playful and a bit mischievous. And he’s gay. He is not feminine by any means. He loves his diapers, he can change his age and prefers to be 13 or his rill age currently 24 but no matter what age he is he always has a diaper on. Sometimes you can see a bit of his diaper staking out of the top of his pants (if he’s wearing them). He’s very good natured if a bit silly at times and gets into trouble once in a while. He hates roller coasters and hates the cold, but loves snow. He loves fall and is very cuddly and snuggly in this season and more so in winter.

Dizzy has powers over plants and earth (including all minerals), and can bring plants back to life. As well as the power to change ones age whether it be his or another’s. His eyes and markings glow brightly when using his power over plants and earth

Age 13 through 24 dizzy loves rave music and he likes to be surprised. He enjoys hanging with his friends and playing v-games. always likes a good cuddle, like to nap with his friends, very shy at first but worms up to people fast, he’s always proud of who he is and likes to make friends.

he's normally in just a pair jeans, shorts or cargo pants(normally with his key chain on a front belt loop) with his diaper underneath with a rainbow studied belt with whatever it is he’s wearing over his diaper, unless it’s a footed sleeper or any baby like clothing he hates bonnets, or even nothing over his diaper at all, he’s got 1 collar. It is Wight with a paw print tag that’s multicolored. All his age’s ware’s his collar. He loves his yellow pacifier (doesn’t matter what age he is he likes his paci. A born gamer dizzy loves v-games he likes being around other kidfurrs like him goes for age and too he tends to get into mischief all the time but is just too cute of a happy go lucky goof ball, to stay mad at. He likes to read books with magic and dragons in them. He likes swords to.

This is all manly for picture idea’s and for anyone who wants to use him in a story^^.