Hello everyone and thank you for your continuous support!

Snow is on the ground here now,,,not sure if it will stay or not but truly I think winter is on its way.

I am temporarily closing my regular commissions to catch up on my current queue and pace myself after doing commissions almost every day throughout November!

I may be posting YCHs in December whether they be kind of 'normal' or tf/suit stuff so look out for those!

Thank you all again everyone for your support all through October/November and even beyond then! I don't know if comms will be closed all December, but I need like 1-3 weeks to lighten the load before I get really burnt out

Hello everyone, I hope you're well!

I have been busy, busy, busy with life and commissions. I had a little setback with my iPad that I draw on as well as the pen with it which kind of slowed me down along with personal life things that I've been dealing/dealt with over the last month, but now I'm slightly back on track! I want December to be more comm. focused as I need to build up a savings since I'm basically living paycheck to paycheck with my comm. work and as much as I've applied to and researched jobs (even though I know I physically and mentally can not hold one right now), I haven't found one. So comm. work it is!

Thank you everyone for your continuous support with my commissions, YCHs, and event YCHs! Regulars and new commissioners alike!

I've been enjoying comm. work a bit more now with the new quiet and personal environment despite having some mental setbacks now and again. I'm glad everyone has been enjoying the Smugleafs! I plan on closing the most recent December reservation slots on Monday and only plan to (possibly) hold two more auctions late December since I want to have new YCHs up around then too.

I thought about doing something I did a few years ago with an Amazon Wishlist for mid-December but I really wasn't sure about it...this year I will mostly be spending Christmas somewhat alone so I was thinking of having someone wrap those that would be bought for me to open on Christmas. Buuut I'm a bit embarrassed to do so right now...maybe. I also thought of maybe alongside this doing a kind of small group Skeb style YCH with it to have those that bought something off it maybe alongside Zorrow and the Krow opening the presents?

JUST AN IDEA!! I'm still pondering it since I'm not all too happy with myself lately but I'm getting through it. If you would be interested in that particular idea or mention it to friends or whatnot, feel free to comment or message me! If it gets enough interest I may do it.

Bleh late night thoughts.

Thank you everyone for your continued patience. This wisdom tooth extraction is a loooot worse than the last one was and I'm taking care of myself for this one so it's a bit tougher ;;

My comm. sale/Friendly Suit Sale is still up but I won't be able to get to my computer for a bit longer.
I can sit at it for at most 20 minutes and I can't look down for comm. work. HOWEVER once I recover, I'll be doing a few comm. work days to make up for it!
Really sorry it's been taking a while but now that I've got all my things at the new place, I'm hoping it will go back to normal if not a better work pace in the new environment!

Update up on my queue,,,

Just a small thing because I've been so busy lately and have been trying to juggle moving with work. I appreciate your patience as always!

I just wasn't expecting everything to be happening so fast,,

https://trello.com/c/cWICWCJG/361-o.....rs-please-read

Yes, I will be signing a lease in a couple days! It's not the ideal living situation, but it was the only chance I really have had. This coming year will be a fight and a struggle, but I will try to stay on top.

So now I will be a bit busy especially with a couple appointments I have coming up!

I WILL BE FAIRLY SLOW WITH RESPONSE AND WILL BE WORKING IN THE BACKGROUND!!

Thank you for your patience!

I still have my DMs/Ko-Fi open for DMs or any kind word!

Yes, I had to delete it unfortunately...I really didn't want to, but the whole explanation can be found here:

https://docs.google.com/document/d/.....it?usp=sharing

It's not really fair, but I have to do it in order to not impede my search for housing.

I can try to answer questions in the comments or DMs, but to be honest I'm not entirely sure of the situation myself...

Unfortunately I have to take my GoFundMe down whether that be temporary or for good but everyone who has sent something in, I very much appreciate you and it does help out immensely with what we have now. This is out of my hands...more will be updated later but the auction is still going on. I will update everyone properly when I can. It's nothing super bad or anything, but I will explain why when I have a clearer outlook on what's going on with housing.

This is translated from my Bluesky thread:

Whether it be one thing or the next, no credit history, not enough x amount of times regular income, ghosting, the housing hunt is dry...every application I have sent in so far is denied. Every person I talk to seems a bit snobbish towards lower-income, disabled individuals...

I have have a clean record and a solid renter's history, an ESA complete with records, an income that is not the standard but still suffices, and I'm willing to make it work and yet nobody will even talk to me. It's insane. I don't even get showings to places.

I have done so much but it feels like such a loss based off of how I've been treated. I have reached out of my comfort zone, I have applied for waitlists, everything I could possibly do and absolutely nothing has turned out. As of October 1st I most likely will not have internet.

This is because the internet here was split between 3 and that part was not in my name. I don't know what to do, I don't have enough funds yet still to appeal to landlords, etc. I will keep trying to reach out but there are only so many places around me near my care.

I don't know what to do if this just keeps up. It feels pretty hopeless right now and my mental health has been at an all time low with my basic needs being constantly neglected in the midst of it. I have to push it aside and keep going because I really, really can't be homeless.

A big thank you to those who have been donating/offering help, I do appreciate it and it does help me! I am hoping the project I'm on board with right now may draw in some more income for the move and efforts. Sorry for the long thread.

My GoFundMe is here:

https://gofund.me/dc949f11

I have had this GoFundMe up for a little while now again but this time I have a horrible, terrifying update to this situation. It’s so bad that I’m at a loss.

I now have only until October to actually find and secure somewhere to live otherwise I will be SOL and by December if I do not make any progress, I will be homeless. It’s such a scary thought and it’s just…it’s insane how quickly things have turned dire literally over night. I feel like shit asking for help as it is but right now this is the scariest thing that’s ever happened to me. I don’t even need to MEET the goal, I just need enough for a month or even a couple months rent for somewhere to even have a fighting chance. Places here that I could most likely try to afford are cheapest at $750-$850 a month plus electricity/heating if water is included. I don’t have what is considered a ‘stable income’ so it’s been so hard to find a place but I don’t even have enough money to afford a security deposit right now.

This is scary. The term homeless being thrown around the last few days really has been digging into my skin like a fucking parasite. I’m terrified. I’m doing every single possible thing that I could do and I just can’t believe it.

I won’t be home from the 12th-14th to take care of something near my hometown, but that’s on a weekend so I’m sure most of where I need to call won’t be open anyway.

But please if you can share this around or donate, I would highly appreciate it. I don’t think I’ve ever needed more help than at this moment. And when I said I wanted to leave and start a new life I didn’t think it was going to be a homeless era.

The GoFundMe can be found here:

https://gofund.me/dc949f11

While commissioning does help, I cannot guarantee I can do it fast as I have to pack my things, attend appointments, and prepare for the worst. Patience is all I ask.

I will update when I can.

Unfortunately a not so good update to my situation...

First of all, thank you to everyone who has donated this far, it really does help tremendously. To those who have reached out to me personally as well, I appreciate those who have done that as well.

Me, as well as my two roommates, have become very aware of the situation we are in. For lack of a better explanation, tensions are high and stress is at an extreme. Without going into too much about their side, I am a one man band at this point and will be focusing on my own issues for the time being.

We are highly suspicious that we are going to be told to move out within 60 days at this point with how inconsiderate our landlords have been and actions they've been carrying out. I have no family or outside support at this point and despite still fighting for over a year for financial help, right now in this moment I have none. Morale is at an all time low.

Just wanted to update everyone about how much worse everything is becoming every single day.

I really wish I could be more positive about the situation but it's difficult at this point.

If you can spread the word about my GoFundMe, it would be greatly appreciated:
https://gofund.me/dc949f11

We got 37 forms for my raffle, thank you to everyone who entered! I used the random number generator and the number on the form that matched the roll is who won:

Fullbody - 12. Starsweets
Symmetrical Bust Shot - 6. Willowpoke
Icon - 33. Ximeon
Icon - 10. Spen123wow

I will be reaching out soon!

I have a new GoFundMe up now…I had to close and change it to fit the scenario, but please, if you can share this, do.

PLEASE DO NOT DONATE IF YOU CANNOT AFFORD IT.

GoFundMe Link: https://gofund.me/dc949f11

I am currently trying to get out of this rented house I live in and it is not going to be easy. I have been trying for months, years, to better my life and at 24 years old I still cannot say that I’ve even lived anything. I have fought, applied, tried nearly everything and I’m still at rock bottom and I cannot fix myself and/or start my life until things start moving and going along. I’m…very disappointed that it’s come to this point.

I have never been able to focus on myself. I have never been able to take a break or get away from the very real things that haunt me in my personal life. I physically and mentally cannot do much and as much as I do to my power it’s so futile.

But right now, I really just need to focus on getting the hell out of here and focusing on myself. My roommates are fine and have some semblance of a support system while I am here. We all want to leave, but I am responsible for myself as any adult. I only rely on myself for big things like this. This is my lifeline and my jumpstart. I don’t want to keep being miserable.

So please, if you can share this or spread this around, I would appreciate it. Any donation is so greatly appreciated. While there is a day where I might leave the internet to focus on myself and my adult life, I need to reach out to anyone I can get and the people here are all I know who to reach out to.

If you have questions of any kind, please DM or comment and I will do my best to answer.

I am going to try to push this as much as I can because it is very important to me.

Hello again everyone, I hope you’re all well and are enjoying the wrapping up of summer. Fall is on its way!

My TOS has been updated and I will start trying to be stricter on it as my current queue simmers down! Please take the time to read them if you plan on commissioning me in any way…

I have been greatly struggling with mental health behind the scenes of the online space. Some of the adjustments on my TOS have been added for the sake of myself so please read and follow them because it’s hard for me to push my rules due to my own personal barriers and disdain for confrontation. It’s really taking a huge toll on me though, and I just want to remind everyone who commissions me to read it and remember that I am a person too.

My TOS can always be found here:

https://docs.google.com/document/d/.....it?usp=sharing

Other than that, I want to try and make more YCHs coming up soon, but we’ll see. Hoping everyone stays safe as summer comes to a close.

-Dismal

Hello everyone, I hope you're all well and keeping cool in the summer temperatures. I just wanted to stop by here to just fill in everyone on how it's going. It's not very good so don't read further if you're in no mood to hear negativity.

I've been making little to no progress on anything I've wanted to throughout July because of circumstances out of my hands (of course). I'll be pushing further and reaching out in the next few days, pushing my fear back down and going full force forward. It's a very defeating feeling. It's really, REALLY hard to get out of bed nowadays but due to my nature I do it anyways. If something hurts so bad, I do it anyways. Always.

I don't know how people can have a clear conscious and do things that they do. I can't bring myself to do anything really. If it's not worrying or forcing myself to get things done I don't really know what to do or how to do it. I don't have free money so I can't just go out and do things? I just don't understand it.

Mentally I'm in a pretty bad place right now, but physically I have also been pretty bad. I had to go to the hospital again today to get some things done and of course I had to drop money I don't have to go get stupid overpriced garbage from the pharmacy. I know it's not garbage but it makes me mad how expensive things are. ESPECIALLY GROCERIES, my fucking word are they expensive as shit. I don't plan to come back early before August but it hurts me to feel like I might have to at some point come back earlier than I had intended.

But it's whatever, I'm still pushing for it and I really want to get through it but it's tough as fuck. Especially since it's pretty much just me and my cat (I consider him my only blood family to feel just a little better about it). Someday I wish for a place in life to feel comfortable. To feel a little less alone. And maybe to just actually care about myself for once. I miss myself. I miss a lot of things.

Sorry for the pretty negative update, I just really thought about screaming into the void or anything since it spilled over a little bit. Don't worry too much about me, I am monitored 24/7 for the most part and I attend therapy (while also regularly taking medication) so I'm fine. It just sucks to feel like I can't be distraught about my situation.

First of all, I would like to thank everyone for their continuous support. Those who have been here for years (even through my old account) and those who are new. But I just can’t help but feel defeated with how many newer commissioners are becoming very picky and suddenly detail-oriented. From the sketch phase and even onwards in the process.

I often feel like nobody actually reads my TOS and just come from other’s recommendations who may say that I’m a very lenient person. I am very willing to work with others, but some things are just so defeating and crushing. I have to smile and just go with it too because I can’t afford to lose commissioners which leads me to just go with it.

I’ve spent a lot of time and a lot of experience with many different types of commissioners and artists and never could I ever imagine saying or requesting some of the things that are requested of me to another artist. It’s what built my TOS to be the way that it is. I’ve done ~35-40 different sketches per art piece for someone a few years ago every time they commissioned me.

Changes are fine, but I am going to need to try and get stricter with upcharges because it’s so ridiculous that my hair is falling out. I’m constantly unhappy. I’m a pushover. I fell back into old habits for the sake of making rent and paying stupid bills. But I’m unhappy and I have to say something.

This really isn’t directed at anyone specific right now but over the last two or so months I’ve been working with newer commissioners that I let push me around and I don’t have the courage to say no or speak up when it makes me upset. I didn’t used to even send WIPs so that I could do work in abundance but as of this moment I feel I HAVE to send a sketch otherwise it’ll get to the end and suddenly I’m redoing a whole piece.

Do not take this to heart if you ask me to correct something, like I said, small changes aren’t what bother me, it’s the increased 4 hour process with how much I work with people because of intense changes and WIPs.

I need to remind everyone that I have issues and other things happening outside of the internet, FA, and commissions. I have an internet persona and I think my first impressions are a bit too friendly, however, I just wanted to speak about this since it’s taking a big toll on me lately and I have to be real with everyone for a moment.

I hope everyone is well! Spring is here for me and the snow has finally stopped. I would also say that I've recovered well from surgery! Very good, very good.

I had a couple things I've been thinking about to note here and then a quick update on commission progress-

-Please remember that I really only can handle responding to commission messages!
I am not one to be juggling conversation with a lot of people at once, it's a bit overwhelming for me. Whether it be here or Discord or anywhere really, I just don't like messaging back with conversation for the most part, I just wish it was more well known that I'm not one for casual conversations in DMs..
Some might consider it a flaw but if it makes ME feel better not to engage in conversation, I think I have to do what's best for me since I already have enough going on. But again, commission notes and DMs and whatnot are completely fine.

-Commission progress and future thoughts.
Commission progress is going well! The break from my surgery has helped me a bit from the burnout I had and is why I've been able to keep a steady pace! I really just wanted to let everyone and commissioners know that I've learned to pace myself a bit better and I will be getting to more of the comms/YCHs soon, I've just been working on a big one! Thank you all for your continuous support!
I do have some personal art planned, I've just been trying to prioritize commissions and whatnot of course, but do look forward to that at some point in the future!

Wishing you all a nice spring and good luck on whatever plans and projects you have going on!

-Dismal

Yes, the title of this journal is right! I’m feeling a bit better than I was the last few days and yesterday managed to finish some YCHs that should be or are going to be posted soon! I don’t feel GREAT but I do feel well enough to sit down and draw in shorter intervals.

THAT AND the bills never stop and life’s still got its thumb on me and won’t let up. That being said, I have commissions opened up again alongside my YCHs as usual so feel free to send in a form if you’ve been sitting on an idea or would just like to get one early on the queue!

Thank you again for your continuous support.
-Dismal

Hey there everyone, I hope you're all well. I just wanted to post a quick update that can be spread by word of mouth since I can't put together a huge one or anything but I survived the surgery! I wasn't worried I'd die or anything but the recovery feels slow but is to be expected...

I made it to my computer from the recliner I've been sleeping and spending all day in and I'm extremely dizzy and out of it so apologies if it's like messy or misspelled or anything. I wanted to get YCHs out in the next couple days to get some money in before auto payment for some bills go through but I can't do it yet so it'll have to wait.

My face has been hurting and my body is sore but I am really thinking that it'll help me in the long run so there's that!

Thank you for your best wishes and any comments you may leave, I might not be able to respond to them right away

-Dismal

I was originally going to post this tomorrow but some things have really been on my mind lately. I've been struggling with a lot of issues lately whether that be physically or mentally and whatever life likes to just throw at me what feels like every day. I appreciate everyone's support lately with commissions/YCHs, it's been getting me through rent month to month. I have things that have been falling through and stressing me to my core with what I have to organize and call and attend appointments...it's just a lot. It especially hurts since in my real reachable life, I have little to no support and life is scary.

The most recent thing though that I'm going to post a more findable update is that I went in for an appointment the other day and I now have a procedure (surgery) scheduled for late March. It's really scary to me as much as I try to be all big and brave or whatever people think of me but it is really scary for me. You think like the stereotypical thing of "I want my mom or I want x, y, z-" whereas for me it just kinda feels like I have to clench my jaw and get through it. I live a weird life. Things aren't very good as much as I want things to change. And I know, I know, things don't change in a day but I've been waiting years and nothing has changed. It's dangerous thinking but it's the only thing I have to hold onto. Surviving out of spite (most days). But this surgery is going to prevent me from commissions anywhere from 2 - 7 days but I don't know, I've never had anything like this done. It directly affects my work though which sucks.

The financial aspect is pretty dire but some days I just think I should let go. Is it worth the pressure of filling up my queue to live in a house that I can't stand? I don't know. But damn does the fear of letting go spur me on. Some days I just wish I could go on a vacation. I don't know. Someday maybe but I'm sooo tired of hoping and waiting.

I do have a GoFundMe if you have extra to toss in but if you don't PLEASE DO NOT I don't want to sink and take you with me. This is mostly just put out there for extra help with rent and bills. If you want to reach out, you can try and I'll try to message back if I can. Thanks if you actually read this, I do appreciate it. Sometimes screaming into the void is a quick fix for me. Sorry if I ruined your mood if you read this or it leaves you feeling a bit sad, seriously I don't mean any harm to others putting this out there.

My GoFundMe: https://gofund.me/d377e025

Hello everybody and merry (early) Christmas! I hope everyone is well and can stay safe and happy the best they can be. I just wanted to update everyone via journal quickly since I didn’t have time to draw the ‘announcement post.’

From now (Christmas Eve) until after new years I will be on a slight break. This means that there probably won’t be many if any YCHs made and work will be a bit slower for any new commissions that come in after the 26th. The things on my queue will be worked on leisurely during this time but worked on nonetheless! The commission form will remain open, however, just keep my ‘break’ in mind before you send one in.

A lot has been going on behind the scenes. Whether it be bad or worse, I’m still plowing through. I’m also taking this time off because I have a variety of appointments, phone calls, and headaches I have to get through so I really wish and hope for patience and understanding at this time!

I haven’t been sleeping much, eating less, and worrying more, however, I hope that all of this will prove fruitful in the coming year. Again, I wish everyone a Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to whoever celebrates and well wishes to those who might not.

If you wish to support my little ‘Christmas break’ here, I do still have my GoFundMe active which is here:
https://gofund.me/44079c47

Any donations or kind words here are appreciated and please do not donate if you cannot, I do not want to sink and take you with me. But for now, I will be keeping an eye on my notes/DMs, so do not hesitate to reach out with questions or commission inquiries.

-Dismal

It’s nearly December, the days feel shorter and most definitely are getting colder. I send well and warm wishes to everyone.

As for me, I am a bit under the weather but doing my best as usual.

I just wanted to let everybody know that from now on, if you’ve noticed in the latest two YCHs (Guilmon/Hydrapple) the beginning panel is very rough and vague. This is both to save time/resources and allow more creativity for the buyer. It will also lead to some more differentiating traits and/or posing in the beginning panel(s). I just wanted to make it known that this is how it will most likely be from now on where the beginning panel(s) will be the same quality as the end, but on the display will appear more rough. I hope for understanding and appreciate you’re time if you’ve read!

Hello everyone, I hope you're well. I just wanted to apologize for the delays that have been happening lately, I'm really tired of being smacked down by the world, however, it's just how things have been playing out. I appreciate everyone's patience with me and must ask for a bit more since just today I ran into an **issue with my iPad which is what I draw on. I hopefully got the issue resolved because I cannot afford another right now but I just wanted to give a heads up as to why it's been taking a bit longer.

That and most of the things on my queue are bigger projects! I find myself enjoying working on them but of course since they're a bit better they do take longer so I thank you for understanding. I hope to take on more in the future as they've been helping me scrape by until I get more stable ground (hopefully I get more on that in November/December). Christmas is also on the horizon but that's just another headache. The very few people in my personal life say that it's alright to get little to nothing, but I wish I could give them more. I'm thankful for them nonetheless.

Anyway, thank you for reading and I hope your fall is treating you well.

**It immediately kept dying, once while at full charge, and then a few times after that. Updated it and it seems better but I'm going to keep an eye on it. I don't have anything but my drawing program on it.

Hello everyone, artists and commissioners alike, I wanted to send out a call for some advice or suggestion on alternatives for PayPal. I know that everybody uses PayPal and the option won't be going away, but there's been some issued with it and I really need a way to get the money quicker since I can't get the funds in right away anymore. From the looks of it, it even holds my ko-fi donations. It only comes through instantly when the 'Friends and Family' option is ticked and I really don't want to force people to have to pick that, it's really giving me an ungodly amount of stress. I heard a couple of options from people but I'm really interested and seeking some suggestions.

Commissioners and artists alike, I'd like for some to comment and I'll try to comment back but I'm still looking into things currently.

This is to go along with the post I’d made which can be found here:
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/57819121/

Just a few key notes:
-I have updated my longer/official TOS linked here (https://docs.google.com/document/d/.....it?usp=sharing)
-My Twitter/Bluesky is no longer private
-I am not currently accepting NSFW commissions or YCHs

As for the Twitter/Bluesky, the reason I’m unprivating them is to hopefully reach a wider audience and have a backup. I do not want to post NSFW pieces there, so I went and cleaned it out of really mature or NSFW art. Older art pieces that I’ve done with those themes I’ve marked on FA and kept up, however, I don’t really want to do NSFW art anymore so I hope you can understand, thank you.

Here are all my current links:

Twitter:
https://x.com/DizzyDreadful

Bluesky:
https://bsky.app/profile/dizzydreadful.bsky.social

FA:
https://www.furaffinity.net/user/dizzydreadful

Ko-fi:
https://ko-fi.com/dizzydreadful

GoFundMe:
https://gofund.me/400392d3


I may be posting more updates, however, I’m not sure yet.

Hello again everybody. I wanted to give everybody an update in hopes to stabilize my situation. There will be a doc linked to a more thorough explanation of the situation. I will say it’s not happy so if you’re not in a good headspace I’d avoid it for now. It’s mostly opening up a bit more about my issues regarding my own mental health.

I am not looking for too much advice on the situation since it’s something only I can really figure out with people in my immediate reach. Kind words are appreciated but I am terrible at responding in ways you might be used to me responding in. No hard feelings please.

The TLDR of it really goes like this:
I’m at a loss and I don’t know what to do. The only thing I can do is come back to some social media and see if I can get some money for the next couple months of rent and necessities because programs/aid I applied for take a long time to get back. I don’t have personal friends other than the two I live with and I have little to no family support. I’m very unwell. I’m scared. I’m stressed. I’m very very tired. I can’t stay strong forever and I’m finally softening at my lowest point to ask for help. If you can donate, thank you. It means more than I could ever describe or put into words. If you can’t donate, I wish you the best.

A simple YCH or two may come out in the near future just to help if people want something in return. Though, things might go a bit slower as I struggle with things even more now such as talking and/or opening up. Words of kindness are appreciated but do not pry, it is hard enough for me to open up this much.

If anyone can read it and summarize it for friends or others you know that would be appreciated since my brain kind of has been pretty bad with words lately. I don’t really want to plan on reposting this a bunch onto my account.

I appreciate it, thanks.

Doc Link: https://docs.google.com/document/d/.....it?usp=sharing

Gofundme: https://gofund.me/8e3329a5

IF YOU CANNOT DONATE OR AFFORD TO DONATE DO NOT PLEASE. I would hate for you to drown so that I may swim. I don’t want to take you down with me.