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Not The Same Anymore
Posted 7 years agoi think i have begun shutting down emotionally.... had a few friends betray my feelings, trampled them or left the to rot. i feel mostly abandoned by people i once considered friends. without going into it i pretty much feel broken emotionally. i dont feel the same i used to, the whole experience has made me crystalline in my feelings or wanting to branch out and talk to people not that many try to do so in return these days XD. i doubt anyone reading this cares anymore, its been a long time since i have been relevant if ever. its sad how this community can be both savior and destroyer. can build you up and tear you down. then again we aren't the most emotionally stable people to begin with i understand that, i mean i am prime example number one.
long story short recent drama has changed how i interact with people now, i am way more weary of making personal connections lest my heart be ripped apart again. it will be harder to get me to open up or make personal connections, im saddened by these facts but idk how much more my heart can take friends waking at it like a pinata like it doesn't matter. i value the relationships i do have and if anything have become more protective of but new ones are going to be hard to forge....
long story short recent drama has changed how i interact with people now, i am way more weary of making personal connections lest my heart be ripped apart again. it will be harder to get me to open up or make personal connections, im saddened by these facts but idk how much more my heart can take friends waking at it like a pinata like it doesn't matter. i value the relationships i do have and if anything have become more protective of but new ones are going to be hard to forge....
A Year Later, A Year Wiser
Posted 7 years agoit's been a long while since i posted anything, kinda been a silent observer it would seem XD. i am indeed alive and well but silent and busy @3@ i am tryin to be as active online as possible but life moves in strange directions, more on that development when there is something worth reporting ;p. anywho long story short i am trying to be around more because i love you all so much ^^. feel free to drop me a line, i dont exist 8 hours of the day but i try to get back to who ever i can
Another Post about Life
Posted 9 years agoits a bit of a long one but i feel i need to put feelings to words
i think about about life quite alot. many people close to me know this. but not just my own but all of it. the ebb and flow. the intricate webs of coincidence and happenstance that lead us to day and all days to come. i would say i have come to any sort of epiphany on life or anything though several i have had in the past. but i often wonder things. the main question i end up asking myself in any given question is why. from big details to small. i must understand it all. and for the most part i do if i am not lost in my own thoughts that stray and focus on the most random of details.
i think at this stage in our evolution we are still discovering ourselves. children, as much as we are, without guidance, left to find our own way in the vast darkness and cruel stage we were given the gift of existence in. billions upon billions of worlds in the sky and for all our searching, the amount we have seen thus far, only one even resembles us. as far as we know we are alone. and of course that is not the case it is proposterous to think so. but for the sake of this argument, if there even is one, that we are. this is what we have chosen to be. collective as a whole. with our conformity, apathy, indifference. this now as we are is how we chose to be. if life ended now how we are at this moment is how we will always be remembered if at all. the tinkle of a star to some far off planet unbenounced to our own destruction. i mean why would anyone, who would. do we care of the ants beneath our feet and their day to days?
social beings that we are the thought of loneliness i think in any form has driven the collective sanity of us to its individualist state. though binary we are we exist in a state of one or the other. 1 or 0, yes or no, we cannot comprehend the state of 2 or even the 1.5. it is beyond us. more evident is our geo political arena. old grudges and old people playing with toys and imaginary things thinking they control anything but lie to themselves and others they are anything more than human, special, powerful. and all this in an effort to be noticed or remembered. to control what we cannot which we have never and never be in a position to be in.
we go through life, floating, being what we think will make us happy in an environment we developed and continue to create for ourselves. we are our own worst enemy. a self balancing equation always seeking the greater of the two halves. darkness cannot exist without the light and evil cannot exist without good. if evil did not exist then the worst of the good would just be the new evil. its how we think, still binary, 1 or 0. with me or against me. and we always seek for the withs never the withouts. we turn blind eyes and feign concern to those. our hearts and minds are not big enough. some do but a rairty amongst us they always are and always silenced by the other half.
we are a species out of balance and out of synch with each other. sectioning ourselves off in bubbles of existence that we fill with things we think will make us happy. whether it be people or actual stuff or good deeds but we always seek to fill that cup and keep that bubble closed to a realm we can understand and manipulate never factoring in how it effects the bubbles around us. engulfing each other and snuffing other out.
we do this in crippling fear of permanency. to make that life matter to someone if only to themselves but it is always for the sake of others. we all see each other. the aspiration to be more, something greater is within all of us. but we are too young. too naive babes singing i'm a big boy now. we all do it, we all think this way but too little are those who are self aware of it. and in those who cannot seek answers in anyway and more often the easiest way. and so devouted to these thoughts we become it is the only truth you know that anything else is poor falicy and reason is abandoned for hope and faith that what you have revelated whether on your own or by others that it to is THE truth of all things and give meaning to what really is a meaningless existence.
i am derailing myself. but the point is we do all these things to justify an existence we already in a grander scale is pointless as is most of what we do. and its how we will continue to live because that is how we always have and into the ground with all the others that came before us go we shall.
life. when we choose to end it we claim to take it but from who. who does it belong to really? id it ourselves? we would like to think so but no if that were true then we would pass unmourned. we dont belong to ourselves we belong to the everyone else and the universe itself. that life given was given not without purpose, just another cog in the wheel of time and concequence all doing what we were meant to do and say and think. the illusion of choice in a self perpetuating organism. we are no more a part of a whole as a cell is apart of a body.
these things people cannot grasp or realize boggles me. because in the whole fo creation and time itself. how we are now and and choose to be. this is the best we can do. disappointing really that if you looked at humanity as a single entity, what would that person look like? how old would you think that person is? i know what i see but i wonder do others see the same.
and we all point fingers and shift blame or accept that it is what it is because it is. yet if humanity came to together, achieved together, understood together. became a unified body and mind for greatness that we all seek at on point or another in our lives. what then would we look like? if we died now would we be proud? i know i couldn't reflect on the whole of human history and say that. the good certainly doesn't extinguish the permanent bad that looms over us all.
even now these words even had been spoken aloud to the masses in a grand arena would fall deaf to the grip that complacency and comfort had brought. fear of loss, the loss required to reshape the very fabric in which we think and act will ultimately be our downfall. not today or tomorrow but at some point. nothing in life lasts ever. not one thing. even us in our splendor will fall to arrogance and ignorance.
the human race has a funny way of acting. it can see the problem but choose not to do anything tangeable about it til its is too late. its something that always bothered me that can only operate in hindsight. reflections of the past mirrored in the present in a cyclical cycle of self perpetuated agony and torment casting itself upon self and others. constantly fluxuating singluar actions effecting the whole of a being we are apart of that lives and breathes apart from us in a place lucky enough cosmically to even allow me to type all this out. grammatically inaccurate and all.
that we have come so close to self annihilation so many times before, even in most of our life times. this rare gift, as our current evidence would suggest. we take for utter granted as a right and not the priviledge it is. all it would take is a big enough object to fly into our path and disrupt our rotation around the ball of gas in an endless void and that is it. no more anything. no more us. nor more children. no more things. just nothing and no one to remember. so in the end my fellow humans...
was any of this worth it? in the grandest of schemes what have we accomplished or amounted to? from what ican see its nothing. not even to ourselves.
a great shift in conciousness is happening. that we are stopping the covetting of things for small joys and pleasures that are as fleeting as life itself. as a species we have the power if commrodary is involved, to leave our mark on the history of creation itself and exclaim to the universe we are here and you are not alone. and yet we chose to be less. we choose to be less. and in the end we must find ourselves saying, everyone one of us, from the youngest child able to grasp its own existence, the oldest man waiting for his to end. "i choose to be less." and that is where we are... less. less than we could ever have been or ever could be because we could not find it within ourselves to even try to be more.
what we are now is what we shall always be if we dont do it now. why wait for the next one to do it when we oursleves have the power to do it now. we be the ones that reshape and gave us a future. but not so single mindedly as just us but all that come after so that is what we can be remembered for instead of this.
but as i said deaf ears with a voice lost in an ocean of others who find better uses of their times to talk about their cats or what they ate. i leave this horrible mess here for someone to see and maybe inspire to do more than any of us could ever dare to dream. to be more than we were unwilling or incapable of being. if our tale does not run its course to its inevitable end before then. we will do to ourselves way before any natural event can claim us at the rate we are proceeding.
things always change and its about time so should we.
i think about about life quite alot. many people close to me know this. but not just my own but all of it. the ebb and flow. the intricate webs of coincidence and happenstance that lead us to day and all days to come. i would say i have come to any sort of epiphany on life or anything though several i have had in the past. but i often wonder things. the main question i end up asking myself in any given question is why. from big details to small. i must understand it all. and for the most part i do if i am not lost in my own thoughts that stray and focus on the most random of details.
i think at this stage in our evolution we are still discovering ourselves. children, as much as we are, without guidance, left to find our own way in the vast darkness and cruel stage we were given the gift of existence in. billions upon billions of worlds in the sky and for all our searching, the amount we have seen thus far, only one even resembles us. as far as we know we are alone. and of course that is not the case it is proposterous to think so. but for the sake of this argument, if there even is one, that we are. this is what we have chosen to be. collective as a whole. with our conformity, apathy, indifference. this now as we are is how we chose to be. if life ended now how we are at this moment is how we will always be remembered if at all. the tinkle of a star to some far off planet unbenounced to our own destruction. i mean why would anyone, who would. do we care of the ants beneath our feet and their day to days?
social beings that we are the thought of loneliness i think in any form has driven the collective sanity of us to its individualist state. though binary we are we exist in a state of one or the other. 1 or 0, yes or no, we cannot comprehend the state of 2 or even the 1.5. it is beyond us. more evident is our geo political arena. old grudges and old people playing with toys and imaginary things thinking they control anything but lie to themselves and others they are anything more than human, special, powerful. and all this in an effort to be noticed or remembered. to control what we cannot which we have never and never be in a position to be in.
we go through life, floating, being what we think will make us happy in an environment we developed and continue to create for ourselves. we are our own worst enemy. a self balancing equation always seeking the greater of the two halves. darkness cannot exist without the light and evil cannot exist without good. if evil did not exist then the worst of the good would just be the new evil. its how we think, still binary, 1 or 0. with me or against me. and we always seek for the withs never the withouts. we turn blind eyes and feign concern to those. our hearts and minds are not big enough. some do but a rairty amongst us they always are and always silenced by the other half.
we are a species out of balance and out of synch with each other. sectioning ourselves off in bubbles of existence that we fill with things we think will make us happy. whether it be people or actual stuff or good deeds but we always seek to fill that cup and keep that bubble closed to a realm we can understand and manipulate never factoring in how it effects the bubbles around us. engulfing each other and snuffing other out.
we do this in crippling fear of permanency. to make that life matter to someone if only to themselves but it is always for the sake of others. we all see each other. the aspiration to be more, something greater is within all of us. but we are too young. too naive babes singing i'm a big boy now. we all do it, we all think this way but too little are those who are self aware of it. and in those who cannot seek answers in anyway and more often the easiest way. and so devouted to these thoughts we become it is the only truth you know that anything else is poor falicy and reason is abandoned for hope and faith that what you have revelated whether on your own or by others that it to is THE truth of all things and give meaning to what really is a meaningless existence.
i am derailing myself. but the point is we do all these things to justify an existence we already in a grander scale is pointless as is most of what we do. and its how we will continue to live because that is how we always have and into the ground with all the others that came before us go we shall.
life. when we choose to end it we claim to take it but from who. who does it belong to really? id it ourselves? we would like to think so but no if that were true then we would pass unmourned. we dont belong to ourselves we belong to the everyone else and the universe itself. that life given was given not without purpose, just another cog in the wheel of time and concequence all doing what we were meant to do and say and think. the illusion of choice in a self perpetuating organism. we are no more a part of a whole as a cell is apart of a body.
these things people cannot grasp or realize boggles me. because in the whole fo creation and time itself. how we are now and and choose to be. this is the best we can do. disappointing really that if you looked at humanity as a single entity, what would that person look like? how old would you think that person is? i know what i see but i wonder do others see the same.
and we all point fingers and shift blame or accept that it is what it is because it is. yet if humanity came to together, achieved together, understood together. became a unified body and mind for greatness that we all seek at on point or another in our lives. what then would we look like? if we died now would we be proud? i know i couldn't reflect on the whole of human history and say that. the good certainly doesn't extinguish the permanent bad that looms over us all.
even now these words even had been spoken aloud to the masses in a grand arena would fall deaf to the grip that complacency and comfort had brought. fear of loss, the loss required to reshape the very fabric in which we think and act will ultimately be our downfall. not today or tomorrow but at some point. nothing in life lasts ever. not one thing. even us in our splendor will fall to arrogance and ignorance.
the human race has a funny way of acting. it can see the problem but choose not to do anything tangeable about it til its is too late. its something that always bothered me that can only operate in hindsight. reflections of the past mirrored in the present in a cyclical cycle of self perpetuated agony and torment casting itself upon self and others. constantly fluxuating singluar actions effecting the whole of a being we are apart of that lives and breathes apart from us in a place lucky enough cosmically to even allow me to type all this out. grammatically inaccurate and all.
that we have come so close to self annihilation so many times before, even in most of our life times. this rare gift, as our current evidence would suggest. we take for utter granted as a right and not the priviledge it is. all it would take is a big enough object to fly into our path and disrupt our rotation around the ball of gas in an endless void and that is it. no more anything. no more us. nor more children. no more things. just nothing and no one to remember. so in the end my fellow humans...
was any of this worth it? in the grandest of schemes what have we accomplished or amounted to? from what ican see its nothing. not even to ourselves.
a great shift in conciousness is happening. that we are stopping the covetting of things for small joys and pleasures that are as fleeting as life itself. as a species we have the power if commrodary is involved, to leave our mark on the history of creation itself and exclaim to the universe we are here and you are not alone. and yet we chose to be less. we choose to be less. and in the end we must find ourselves saying, everyone one of us, from the youngest child able to grasp its own existence, the oldest man waiting for his to end. "i choose to be less." and that is where we are... less. less than we could ever have been or ever could be because we could not find it within ourselves to even try to be more.
what we are now is what we shall always be if we dont do it now. why wait for the next one to do it when we oursleves have the power to do it now. we be the ones that reshape and gave us a future. but not so single mindedly as just us but all that come after so that is what we can be remembered for instead of this.
but as i said deaf ears with a voice lost in an ocean of others who find better uses of their times to talk about their cats or what they ate. i leave this horrible mess here for someone to see and maybe inspire to do more than any of us could ever dare to dream. to be more than we were unwilling or incapable of being. if our tale does not run its course to its inevitable end before then. we will do to ourselves way before any natural event can claim us at the rate we are proceeding.
things always change and its about time so should we.
Help this guy out
Posted 9 years agoold friend is doing commissions finally pretty decently priced so if you feel so inclined, give this guy a try
icedhazelnut
icedhazelnut Thank you All
Posted 10 years agothanks to all who paid attention. but i need to thank one individual in particular; 
falkarn who gave me the opportunity to actually save the money to pay for my ticket in full. the reasons are a bit personal but things are good now ^^ so if anyone wanted to see my ferrety butt i'll be at Furry Fiesta this year ^^
falkarn who gave me the opportunity to actually save the money to pay for my ticket in full. the reasons are a bit personal but things are good now ^^ so if anyone wanted to see my ferrety butt i'll be at Furry Fiesta this year ^^A Wish I Wish to Make
Posted 10 years agoso this is a journal i thought i would never make, for those who take the time to read this first off thank you.i find it hard to write cause this is something i dont like to do and people who know me know how true that is BUT desperate times (well not really but feels that way).
Furry Fiesta is around the corner and it is somewhere i have been wanting to be for a few years now. now on its own that is nothing special but this year is. most of my friends will be there an most importantly my mate. he will no doubt read this but he already knows what is intended but will double back to that. what this journal is about is i would really love to go but i only have a couple months to save. which is the purpose of this journal (as i keep diverting).
this journal is for the purpose of those close or not so could see into their hearts to donate to allow me to go. my mate and i have been waiting roughly 4 years to see each other and something has always come up, whether financial or life related. this is my best opportunity and i can save enough for the flight OR the money i would miss from not working during the trip. so, as much as i hate asking for money, this is really important to me because if i can go, i plan to propose to him at the con.
if you can see your way into helping, every little bit helps, i am trying to raise atleast 700$ to cover travel (suprisingly its expensive to fly from canada to oklahoma @3@). now since i realize this is incredibly short notice if the money can't be reached by the deadline (feb 28th) all funds will be returned to donators. i font know how to assure people this isn't a scam but say this is legit, i love him more than life itself and it took me longer than it should to realize that. i am pleading to my friends, family, and the fandom at large for your help and support. if you can't see your way to donating atleast spread the word.
this would really mean the world to me and more importantly him. so i'll just leave the information and thank you for your help though honestly with the track record of my life not holding my breathe but i have to try.
Paypal: devinkoks[at]gmail.com
Furry Fiesta is around the corner and it is somewhere i have been wanting to be for a few years now. now on its own that is nothing special but this year is. most of my friends will be there an most importantly my mate. he will no doubt read this but he already knows what is intended but will double back to that. what this journal is about is i would really love to go but i only have a couple months to save. which is the purpose of this journal (as i keep diverting).
this journal is for the purpose of those close or not so could see into their hearts to donate to allow me to go. my mate and i have been waiting roughly 4 years to see each other and something has always come up, whether financial or life related. this is my best opportunity and i can save enough for the flight OR the money i would miss from not working during the trip. so, as much as i hate asking for money, this is really important to me because if i can go, i plan to propose to him at the con.
if you can see your way into helping, every little bit helps, i am trying to raise atleast 700$ to cover travel (suprisingly its expensive to fly from canada to oklahoma @3@). now since i realize this is incredibly short notice if the money can't be reached by the deadline (feb 28th) all funds will be returned to donators. i font know how to assure people this isn't a scam but say this is legit, i love him more than life itself and it took me longer than it should to realize that. i am pleading to my friends, family, and the fandom at large for your help and support. if you can't see your way to donating atleast spread the word.
this would really mean the world to me and more importantly him. so i'll just leave the information and thank you for your help though honestly with the track record of my life not holding my breathe but i have to try.
Paypal: devinkoks[at]gmail.com
The Dog of Wisdom Song
Posted 10 years agoKung Fury
Posted 10 years agoGET PUNCHED BACK TO THE 80's
A Popular Topic
Posted 11 years agoDepression seems to be a growing topic and concern as of late and I might aswell pitch in my 2 cents as a sufferer aswell. This is just the result years in the making. We abused our own systems and we are now hitting critical mass to the point there is no room for the younger generations. I can bet most people now Adams suffering the way I do feel lost, left behind, without hope and without a future. It's because we don't have one. The income gap, poor education systems and financial systems have hit a point now where anyone 25 and younger might aswell off themselves because you need to be lucky or privileged tohave one.
If my life is one of many examples. I used to be happy and optimistic with plans for the future but as the years passed I watched as it was slowly and painfully ripped from me and many others. 4 years unemployed after luckily landing this shitty minimum wage job things only get harder. I personally feel used and abused. Uncared for or about. Shit needs to change the whole world needs to change and it will take every single one of us to finally stand up and say enough. But even my hope for that is nothing but a dream never to come to pass. So you will see more of us take the only road we humans have left these younger generations including myself. I honestly don't want to die. I want to see a bright future ahead of me but the way things are it's never going to come. I fight the urge not to do it every day with the insane idea things will get better but in my heart I know it won't.
At this point I either want to see things change or the world burn and everyone along with it for making usnsuffer and feel the way we feel. To make them feel what everyday feels like to us. My world feels like it is on fire and I can't escape the flames. Maybe when enough of us die people will finally get the picture and all these lost lives and potential would not have been lost in vain
If my life is one of many examples. I used to be happy and optimistic with plans for the future but as the years passed I watched as it was slowly and painfully ripped from me and many others. 4 years unemployed after luckily landing this shitty minimum wage job things only get harder. I personally feel used and abused. Uncared for or about. Shit needs to change the whole world needs to change and it will take every single one of us to finally stand up and say enough. But even my hope for that is nothing but a dream never to come to pass. So you will see more of us take the only road we humans have left these younger generations including myself. I honestly don't want to die. I want to see a bright future ahead of me but the way things are it's never going to come. I fight the urge not to do it every day with the insane idea things will get better but in my heart I know it won't.
At this point I either want to see things change or the world burn and everyone along with it for making usnsuffer and feel the way we feel. To make them feel what everyday feels like to us. My world feels like it is on fire and I can't escape the flames. Maybe when enough of us die people will finally get the picture and all these lost lives and potential would not have been lost in vain
to those who wondered what happened to me...
Posted 11 years agoas i see people dropping off my friends list like flies, I'M NOT DEAD... yet. just hella busy with work, depression and stress. most days i wonder how even find the strength to get up in the morning and this month isn't getting any easier. struggling to even stay afloat... sigh. but i am persevering little by little. i just hope things get better soon, i really need them too....
Ingress
Posted 11 years agoplay join the battle.
enlighten the world <3
pick your side frogs or smurfs :P
The Study of Life
Posted 11 years agoIts weird to be writing this here and from a phone no less but when inpiration hits we must seize it. So in this journal i am going try and explain this existence how i have come to understand it. If science and pseudo science doesnt interwst you then turn away now. But for those who stay i have spent a large portion of the past 7 years and maube longer, of my life to understanding the nature of reality. Though my findings are theory in nature, i wish to reveal this perapective in the hopes it spreada in the minds of society to ultimately guide it to a better tomorrow. In a way this is both a horribly written scientific paper and an experiment. And that is where i want to start is this as a whole is an example of the first kwy point. This reality is in essence, balance. Light dark, good evil, love hate, logic emotion. Simalies and oposites. We live in chaotic harmony and so too will this paper be written. There a few kwy phrases that will be made up and explained in this aswell each will have a devoted section. And by the end if you so chose to make it that far will understand it all. The phrases a which to convey are as thus, "All is one and one is all," "as above so below," and "we are wverything and nothing." these are the simplest terms to can use to explain all of existence. Each one seperate yet part of the whole. To understand one is to understand the all and this is where we begin.
All is one is the first fundamental perpective to understand. We are all interconnected; emotionally, physically, energetically, mentally. We all exist and inhabit the same base reality. Yet we are also independant with individual experiences and peraonalities. But in turn makes up the whole. We are all human and in turn family. Whatever you may believe the idea we all came from a single source iscorrect just by simple logic alone. There wasnt simply hundreds of peoples and familiea and grow from there. We were all once one. He original human(s). In that we are all one yet we are still the one, ourselves. Our very unique exitence. But this phrase beyond just us it applies to all of creation. What i even describe is a small part of a greater whole. The one is part of the all and in turn is also the all. Just as a single hair on your body is justa part it is still you. It carries your dna, the blueprint that is you. This concept goes for a small and carpetmentalized as you can go and hoq grandeous a scape to can fathom you can conprehend and beyond. Without one the all could not function completely. From the air we breathe to ground we stand on. Without its extience neither could be ours. Even the very actions we take ripple fom the smallest wave to the biggeat of tsunami of events.
In the slightly more logical step we each live in seperate realities yet the same. Broken down into the internal reality and the external reality. The internal is our persoanl lives. All our experiences and interactions in essence there would be a 3rd reality which connects the internal and the external called thw shared. But in the internal we have a reality created by ourselves that we govern. The effects in that realuty in which we create can effect the external which is the base reality we all share. We dont necessairly interact with it much with our currwnt states of mijd but in essence it is the all. The body we cells make up. And even us as we are complex and simple all at the same time. We are still an infintely miniscule part of the great whole. Our actions and lifespans leave no a flash of light in the span of time and space.
Yes with that last line i pretty much say life is indeed without meaning. But in that i find that better than one with one given. In that i mean we are free to create our own. Internally we effect the external and as of now our self centered desires leave the external hollowed out because we consume the external but return nothing back to it. Imagine a plant that took in all the CO2 but produced no O2. That is the state of humanity.
We are wverything and yet nothing. We are all creators, gods even in our own right. Capable of great acts of kindness and compassion and decstructive evil. Yet we are nothin in the eyes of the universe. An existence that could end in a cosmic blink of th eye. Yet we choose mutual suffering then shared happiness but i digress. We exist in a perpetual state of balance. We every action a concequence experienced by someone. Like netve endings firing to stimuli and ech instence just as fleeting. Everyhing is made of energy and it is constantly moving and vibrating creating the physcal and non. From the device that is allowing you to read this to signal it sends to your brain it is all energy and matter.... (to be continued in a later edit)
Here is where i want to talk about
All is one is the first fundamental perpective to understand. We are all interconnected; emotionally, physically, energetically, mentally. We all exist and inhabit the same base reality. Yet we are also independant with individual experiences and peraonalities. But in turn makes up the whole. We are all human and in turn family. Whatever you may believe the idea we all came from a single source iscorrect just by simple logic alone. There wasnt simply hundreds of peoples and familiea and grow from there. We were all once one. He original human(s). In that we are all one yet we are still the one, ourselves. Our very unique exitence. But this phrase beyond just us it applies to all of creation. What i even describe is a small part of a greater whole. The one is part of the all and in turn is also the all. Just as a single hair on your body is justa part it is still you. It carries your dna, the blueprint that is you. This concept goes for a small and carpetmentalized as you can go and hoq grandeous a scape to can fathom you can conprehend and beyond. Without one the all could not function completely. From the air we breathe to ground we stand on. Without its extience neither could be ours. Even the very actions we take ripple fom the smallest wave to the biggeat of tsunami of events.
In the slightly more logical step we each live in seperate realities yet the same. Broken down into the internal reality and the external reality. The internal is our persoanl lives. All our experiences and interactions in essence there would be a 3rd reality which connects the internal and the external called thw shared. But in the internal we have a reality created by ourselves that we govern. The effects in that realuty in which we create can effect the external which is the base reality we all share. We dont necessairly interact with it much with our currwnt states of mijd but in essence it is the all. The body we cells make up. And even us as we are complex and simple all at the same time. We are still an infintely miniscule part of the great whole. Our actions and lifespans leave no a flash of light in the span of time and space.
Yes with that last line i pretty much say life is indeed without meaning. But in that i find that better than one with one given. In that i mean we are free to create our own. Internally we effect the external and as of now our self centered desires leave the external hollowed out because we consume the external but return nothing back to it. Imagine a plant that took in all the CO2 but produced no O2. That is the state of humanity.
We are wverything and yet nothing. We are all creators, gods even in our own right. Capable of great acts of kindness and compassion and decstructive evil. Yet we are nothin in the eyes of the universe. An existence that could end in a cosmic blink of th eye. Yet we choose mutual suffering then shared happiness but i digress. We exist in a perpetual state of balance. We every action a concequence experienced by someone. Like netve endings firing to stimuli and ech instence just as fleeting. Everyhing is made of energy and it is constantly moving and vibrating creating the physcal and non. From the device that is allowing you to read this to signal it sends to your brain it is all energy and matter.... (to be continued in a later edit)
Here is where i want to talk about
Affirmation 2
Posted 12 years agokilling two birds with one stone only leaves you with two dead birds.
Daily Affirmations
Posted 12 years agoi think i might start doing this, or give it a try. everyday i am going to try and come up with an inspirational phrase. i like the challenge and i see it as a great way to retake my optimism ^^ so i guess lets start this off (these quotes are coming out of my head, if they sound like a famous person's quote feel free to site it. would love to see who i am like minded to >w<)
no matter how much you look to the past or the future, don't forget to live right now.
no matter how much you look to the past or the future, don't forget to live right now.
The Light
Posted 12 years agoif you read my previous journal you know my feelings. and i was wrong. i took the wrong approach to all this. i let my anger and frustration take over me. like a brother or parent is frustrated with the children's behaviour and can't stop it. it was 
gojithefox that made me realize that i was becoming no better than the people i was condemning so i firstly would like to thank him for his insight and opinions that help me open my eyes even it was a bit XD.
as i have said before we are all children of this world and we bicker and carry on as such. i feel like mentally i have matured faster than most of the world, seeing how we are acting objectively and simply am appalled by what i see. so much in fighting, greed, corruption. its like seeing a school yard of unattended children. in all honesty all i have is love for my fellow man and wish to see everything change but i am just one man with one voice not loud enough to be heard over the crowd. all i can do is yell and hope i am heard and people start to pay attention and realize and its so frustrating to be ignored. to be told that its just the way thngs are. and i keep saying over and over it doesn't have to be. we dont have to accept it or conform to it.
everything about this reality is about change, from one moment to the next. yet we almost refuse to do so, reaching for branches of the past that hover the raging current of time. but that is not meant to happen, life is about adapting to change, nature does it all the time and we fight that so passionately it has become second nature to us to reject it entirely as if it were our enemy. change should be embraced with open arms because we fight what you cannot control?
we are being capable of great acts of selflessness and kindness and it is shown and praised and remembered. we honor the ones that give their lives to the change we cannot let go of so hypocritically.this who see the light just travel with the current ignoring those who still reach for the branches. but me i wish to reach with everyone to try and tell them its ok to let go. but the fear is so overwhelming for most they hold on with anything they can.
i'm done being angry at the world because anger and violence only creates more. you get what you put in. so here is me reaching with all of you who are too afraid to let go and to travel the current. its ok, the end of this mighty river leads to an open ocean of possibility, all you have to do is let go and let it carry you to your proper course. your in the river for a reason trying to leave or fight it now, you'll never see where it was trying to take you.
we are the ones that make life miserable for each other and ourselves. we constantly ask why it is the way it is and its because of us. there are those who try to mend what we break, and no one is perfect but we all must be there to help each other that everyone deserves the life we are given. yet in fear of the end of life itself we take it out on each other, believe in false promises and grab onto and hoard everything we can get our hands onto. people are so blind to the world no one looks up anymore to marvel, to take in what is around us, the beauty, the precision,the natural flow of it all.
one of these days ask all of you who read this to step outside, close your eyes. takea deep breathe, take in the air, the smell, the feeling of it as it passes through you. then look up at the sky whether it be day or night. just stare at it. how open and free it is. how vast.
we are floating on a rock circling a giant ball of fire, and beyond it. beyond us are possibly thousands of other lifeforms alive right now experiencing this very same reality as you are that very moment. the only thing really keeping us alive is the precise distance we are from the sun, and the right size of the planet to hold the atmosphere we breathe. but really it is still space, liveable space. we are jsut grounded, held down so we don't float away. an organism like the smallest microbe. we are vessels ourselves for bacteria and other living things. in essence we are universes within ourselves. and everything is connected. nothing could exist without the other. whether it was intelligent design or just one event that burst into a self sustaining organism. we are still jsut a small part of a greater whole, much larger and greater than our understanding will ever be able to comprehend in a single lifetime.
our purpose is to live, to exist andbe part of this life. to be another link in the chain helps the universe survive. we are no less significant as the air the air we breathe, the water we drink, the food we eat. but we have disconnected ourselves from everything.
we take but hardly give back, superiority, which i have been guilty of myself if my last journal was any evidence, willful ignorance, that tells us deep in our mind that we are the best. the greatest that will ever come. but that is not true. there will come a time when we ourselves will be obsolete, improved upon, changed and adapted to fit the conditions we are meant to be in.
the universe itself will eventually collapse on itself but from that collapse it will spring forth anew. like a burst of energy under water. the Religh- Plesset equation states that (and i will try to put this as simply as possible) when you have a high pressure with a low pressure enviroment and begins to expand, eventually the pressure on the inside will match the pressure on the outside. eventually the pressure on the inside will be lower on the outside and will eentually collapse on itself to a point when the pressure on the inside is higher than the outside once again.
we live in a fluidic space. we dont realize this because of our size. we would smaller than a nano particle to the actual size of the universe in comparison. if we were to shrink our universe to the size of a bubble in a swimming pool for example. we know the vastness of space is made of matter. the big bang could have been the result of one universe collapsing to create the current version we now inhabit.
which leads me to believe time itself is not infinite that it to has a life span. we are the microbes and cells of a celectial body that will, like all things die. yet with our finite life span how we live right now, how we exist is how we choose to spend that time? to me it seems wasteful and contradictory of the word we created to describe our existence.
we dont live anymore we exist. we attack and destroy everything around us in our resistance. like a tumor, a cancer we morphed our gift into. if our lives are to be meaningful then lets give it meaning that benefits everything and everyone rather than ourselves.
we are not all mighty and powerful, we are no better than the bugs we squish, the livestock we slaughter and consume, or even the very water adn earth we pollute.
all is one and one is all and to fight and deny that simple fact is deny our very existence itself.
this is what i mean when people need to wake up, open there eyes and actually look and comprehend. look at we are doing, look at what we are accomplishing or rather not. we need to grow up leave the past where it is and start looking at the here and now and forward. we cannot change the past put we can certainly shape the future. the universe is moving on with our without us and its definitely not holding our hand and not afraid to spank us when we get of line.
so ask to all who took the time to read all this, please just let go of it all and see where we are trying to be lead. we need to fix ourselves before we can fix the damage we have caused. forgive each other, help each other let go of the past and vexes of the present. we need to care about ourselves and each other and no one should ever go unnoticed or unaided.
the super rich need to let go of the wealth the hungrily cling to and share with those who need it. countries need to disolve borders and forgive past and present disputes and help each other create communities of value working cooperatively to better the lives of everyone. religions need to dissolve and allow people to find their own answers, to accept everyone and everything around them. we need to treat everyone as equal of every race and gender. and we need to change ourselves. we need to stop caring about the one and start caring about the all for the all is reality is the one and by contributing to the all you are contributing to the one. in the infamous words of the canadian celberity Red Green, "i'm pulling for ya, we are all in this together."
gojithefox that made me realize that i was becoming no better than the people i was condemning so i firstly would like to thank him for his insight and opinions that help me open my eyes even it was a bit XD.as i have said before we are all children of this world and we bicker and carry on as such. i feel like mentally i have matured faster than most of the world, seeing how we are acting objectively and simply am appalled by what i see. so much in fighting, greed, corruption. its like seeing a school yard of unattended children. in all honesty all i have is love for my fellow man and wish to see everything change but i am just one man with one voice not loud enough to be heard over the crowd. all i can do is yell and hope i am heard and people start to pay attention and realize and its so frustrating to be ignored. to be told that its just the way thngs are. and i keep saying over and over it doesn't have to be. we dont have to accept it or conform to it.
everything about this reality is about change, from one moment to the next. yet we almost refuse to do so, reaching for branches of the past that hover the raging current of time. but that is not meant to happen, life is about adapting to change, nature does it all the time and we fight that so passionately it has become second nature to us to reject it entirely as if it were our enemy. change should be embraced with open arms because we fight what you cannot control?
we are being capable of great acts of selflessness and kindness and it is shown and praised and remembered. we honor the ones that give their lives to the change we cannot let go of so hypocritically.this who see the light just travel with the current ignoring those who still reach for the branches. but me i wish to reach with everyone to try and tell them its ok to let go. but the fear is so overwhelming for most they hold on with anything they can.
i'm done being angry at the world because anger and violence only creates more. you get what you put in. so here is me reaching with all of you who are too afraid to let go and to travel the current. its ok, the end of this mighty river leads to an open ocean of possibility, all you have to do is let go and let it carry you to your proper course. your in the river for a reason trying to leave or fight it now, you'll never see where it was trying to take you.
we are the ones that make life miserable for each other and ourselves. we constantly ask why it is the way it is and its because of us. there are those who try to mend what we break, and no one is perfect but we all must be there to help each other that everyone deserves the life we are given. yet in fear of the end of life itself we take it out on each other, believe in false promises and grab onto and hoard everything we can get our hands onto. people are so blind to the world no one looks up anymore to marvel, to take in what is around us, the beauty, the precision,the natural flow of it all.
one of these days ask all of you who read this to step outside, close your eyes. takea deep breathe, take in the air, the smell, the feeling of it as it passes through you. then look up at the sky whether it be day or night. just stare at it. how open and free it is. how vast.
we are floating on a rock circling a giant ball of fire, and beyond it. beyond us are possibly thousands of other lifeforms alive right now experiencing this very same reality as you are that very moment. the only thing really keeping us alive is the precise distance we are from the sun, and the right size of the planet to hold the atmosphere we breathe. but really it is still space, liveable space. we are jsut grounded, held down so we don't float away. an organism like the smallest microbe. we are vessels ourselves for bacteria and other living things. in essence we are universes within ourselves. and everything is connected. nothing could exist without the other. whether it was intelligent design or just one event that burst into a self sustaining organism. we are still jsut a small part of a greater whole, much larger and greater than our understanding will ever be able to comprehend in a single lifetime.
our purpose is to live, to exist andbe part of this life. to be another link in the chain helps the universe survive. we are no less significant as the air the air we breathe, the water we drink, the food we eat. but we have disconnected ourselves from everything.
we take but hardly give back, superiority, which i have been guilty of myself if my last journal was any evidence, willful ignorance, that tells us deep in our mind that we are the best. the greatest that will ever come. but that is not true. there will come a time when we ourselves will be obsolete, improved upon, changed and adapted to fit the conditions we are meant to be in.
the universe itself will eventually collapse on itself but from that collapse it will spring forth anew. like a burst of energy under water. the Religh- Plesset equation states that (and i will try to put this as simply as possible) when you have a high pressure with a low pressure enviroment and begins to expand, eventually the pressure on the inside will match the pressure on the outside. eventually the pressure on the inside will be lower on the outside and will eentually collapse on itself to a point when the pressure on the inside is higher than the outside once again.
we live in a fluidic space. we dont realize this because of our size. we would smaller than a nano particle to the actual size of the universe in comparison. if we were to shrink our universe to the size of a bubble in a swimming pool for example. we know the vastness of space is made of matter. the big bang could have been the result of one universe collapsing to create the current version we now inhabit.
which leads me to believe time itself is not infinite that it to has a life span. we are the microbes and cells of a celectial body that will, like all things die. yet with our finite life span how we live right now, how we exist is how we choose to spend that time? to me it seems wasteful and contradictory of the word we created to describe our existence.
we dont live anymore we exist. we attack and destroy everything around us in our resistance. like a tumor, a cancer we morphed our gift into. if our lives are to be meaningful then lets give it meaning that benefits everything and everyone rather than ourselves.
we are not all mighty and powerful, we are no better than the bugs we squish, the livestock we slaughter and consume, or even the very water adn earth we pollute.
all is one and one is all and to fight and deny that simple fact is deny our very existence itself.
this is what i mean when people need to wake up, open there eyes and actually look and comprehend. look at we are doing, look at what we are accomplishing or rather not. we need to grow up leave the past where it is and start looking at the here and now and forward. we cannot change the past put we can certainly shape the future. the universe is moving on with our without us and its definitely not holding our hand and not afraid to spank us when we get of line.
so ask to all who took the time to read all this, please just let go of it all and see where we are trying to be lead. we need to fix ourselves before we can fix the damage we have caused. forgive each other, help each other let go of the past and vexes of the present. we need to care about ourselves and each other and no one should ever go unnoticed or unaided.
the super rich need to let go of the wealth the hungrily cling to and share with those who need it. countries need to disolve borders and forgive past and present disputes and help each other create communities of value working cooperatively to better the lives of everyone. religions need to dissolve and allow people to find their own answers, to accept everyone and everything around them. we need to treat everyone as equal of every race and gender. and we need to change ourselves. we need to stop caring about the one and start caring about the all for the all is reality is the one and by contributing to the all you are contributing to the one. in the infamous words of the canadian celberity Red Green, "i'm pulling for ya, we are all in this together."
SUPER VENT TIME
Posted 12 years agook this right here made me angry http://www.thedailybeast.com/articl.....s-throats.html
i could understand if it was a catholic school but a public school? does separation of church and state not exist anymore in america? its official now that christianity is a cult in my eyes. i have believed it for some time but its been showing its true colors in people for the longest time. a "religion" that promotes bigotry, denies fact and claims fiction as absolute truth i can stand it anymore. if your chrisitian i'm sorry but you're all brainwashed idiots and if you ever came to talk to me about the bible i would like likely take it and beat you with it. nothing good has come from it and has halted the progress of human understanding, advancement, and just down right peace since its indoctrination. same with the muslim religion. its designed to oppress now and i for one am sickened by it and those who believe in it full heartedly.
fear of the unknown has driven those of weak minds into hopeful proganda of fantasy. which apparently is 90% of america and i wanna give a rough estimate of 65% of teh rest of the world. it doesn't matter if the number is off cause according to the christians, its like who's line is it anyway, the fact don't matter. so i choose to shun all the ignorant, idiotic, soulless, brainless, sub-human lot of you with extreme prejiduce. it takes alot for me to hate something and over the years its been getting worse and worse as i watch the once proud united states devolve into a farm of pigs and cattle.
instead of believing in god to solve your problems believe in your fucking selves like an intelligent person would. if i offended anyone then grow the fuck up and open your god damn eyes, actually objectively look at what your "religion" is doing in the world, what it has turned people into. its sick and wrong and by far worse than scientology ever could be. hell i ts just as valid in my eyes as you. i hoped humanity was above all this, that we were "intelligent" creatures but we aren't. we may be a step above the rest of teh animal kingdom but still no less primative in our mindsets. concider me the next step in human conciousness and i lord myself over all of you that wish to cling to your falsehoods. reality is dictated by fact not fiction and a 2000 year old story book isn't it.
EDIT: as an added note now my rage has subsided i want to say that religion is in fact holding us as a species back as a whole. we denounce historical fact (like the sphinx in egypt has been proven to be millions of years old not thousands but thanks to muslims that fact will never see the light of day in a public setting), persecute and subjigate ourselves, reject rational thought, all because a book told us to do so. i want to believe we are better than all this. my faith lies and beliefs lie in what humanity should be and not what it has become. we are one made up of individual parts but never seperate. i'm just waiting for the rest of humanity to catch up
i could understand if it was a catholic school but a public school? does separation of church and state not exist anymore in america? its official now that christianity is a cult in my eyes. i have believed it for some time but its been showing its true colors in people for the longest time. a "religion" that promotes bigotry, denies fact and claims fiction as absolute truth i can stand it anymore. if your chrisitian i'm sorry but you're all brainwashed idiots and if you ever came to talk to me about the bible i would like likely take it and beat you with it. nothing good has come from it and has halted the progress of human understanding, advancement, and just down right peace since its indoctrination. same with the muslim religion. its designed to oppress now and i for one am sickened by it and those who believe in it full heartedly.
fear of the unknown has driven those of weak minds into hopeful proganda of fantasy. which apparently is 90% of america and i wanna give a rough estimate of 65% of teh rest of the world. it doesn't matter if the number is off cause according to the christians, its like who's line is it anyway, the fact don't matter. so i choose to shun all the ignorant, idiotic, soulless, brainless, sub-human lot of you with extreme prejiduce. it takes alot for me to hate something and over the years its been getting worse and worse as i watch the once proud united states devolve into a farm of pigs and cattle.
instead of believing in god to solve your problems believe in your fucking selves like an intelligent person would. if i offended anyone then grow the fuck up and open your god damn eyes, actually objectively look at what your "religion" is doing in the world, what it has turned people into. its sick and wrong and by far worse than scientology ever could be. hell i ts just as valid in my eyes as you. i hoped humanity was above all this, that we were "intelligent" creatures but we aren't. we may be a step above the rest of teh animal kingdom but still no less primative in our mindsets. concider me the next step in human conciousness and i lord myself over all of you that wish to cling to your falsehoods. reality is dictated by fact not fiction and a 2000 year old story book isn't it.
EDIT: as an added note now my rage has subsided i want to say that religion is in fact holding us as a species back as a whole. we denounce historical fact (like the sphinx in egypt has been proven to be millions of years old not thousands but thanks to muslims that fact will never see the light of day in a public setting), persecute and subjigate ourselves, reject rational thought, all because a book told us to do so. i want to believe we are better than all this. my faith lies and beliefs lie in what humanity should be and not what it has become. we are one made up of individual parts but never seperate. i'm just waiting for the rest of humanity to catch up
In the Wake of the Toronto Icestorm
Posted 12 years agoi am back after the massive icestorm that hit the GTA (greater toronto area) that effected half a million people across the southern border of canada. after much bullshit with the power company and 90 hours later i got my power back last night. there are still thousands of people without power. soon i will be posting pics in my scraps of the morning after and various areas around me but for now i just want to inform people i am alright.
also in case some people don't understand the scope of this. imagine freezing rain so frequent that it hardens on trees and power lines causing them to snap under the weight. huge thick trees splitting in half. limbs falling without notice or warning and come spring i have a feeling this once foliagistic town will be but a wasteland of once was since most of the trees crumpled under the weight of the ice and winds that followed the next day. it looked like an f5 rolled through and left the buildings intact but anything that was structurally unsound was destroyed. most of my city, which has been reported to have been hit the hardest was without power. only a lucky few neighbourhoods in the northern part of the city were spared and i have no idea anything south of me. my hearts go out to any and all still braving the freezing temperatures or having to stay at one of the "warming centers." anyway that is all for now keep an eye out for the photos
also in case some people don't understand the scope of this. imagine freezing rain so frequent that it hardens on trees and power lines causing them to snap under the weight. huge thick trees splitting in half. limbs falling without notice or warning and come spring i have a feeling this once foliagistic town will be but a wasteland of once was since most of the trees crumpled under the weight of the ice and winds that followed the next day. it looked like an f5 rolled through and left the buildings intact but anything that was structurally unsound was destroyed. most of my city, which has been reported to have been hit the hardest was without power. only a lucky few neighbourhoods in the northern part of the city were spared and i have no idea anything south of me. my hearts go out to any and all still braving the freezing temperatures or having to stay at one of the "warming centers." anyway that is all for now keep an eye out for the photos
When do we Know?
Posted 12 years agowhen do we know when its time? when we've had enough? when do we decide this isn't worth fighting for? i find myself asking these questions alot lately and its so hard not to think about it anymore. i just want to be free... from everything. this life, this reality is so twisted, broken, corrupted its hard to find the bright side. its just keeps getting worse and reality keeps tightening the noose, choking what life we could of had. and yet the people don't care, like they want it, they are happy with it. and i can't figure out why. the human race is like a child, and sometimes i think it needs a hard slap on the ass. we are so infinitely small, young, and niave yet assume we are in control of everything including each other. we may wear the mask of maturity but we are far from anything near there. all i ever wanted was to make this place a world worth living and it seems like the world doesn't want it. its perfectly happy descending into the inevitable chaos its destined to head. i feel like i have no place here anymore and i fight everyday to figure it out why i am here, what that purpose is...... no one sees what i see (physically and figuratively) and it makes me feel that much more alone. i honestly don't know what to do anymore..... i just need to put my feelings to words..... not knowing what the concequences are; good or bad. i still feel this life is not worth living. i'm not going to do anything.... yet. but everyday is a struggle not to hurt myself, blade to wrist several times.....like i said i just feel the need to put my feelings out there though i know not eeryone who calls themselves my firends care (those who truly are know who they are as do i). but this is for me and i guess them. i just want to be free, fee from everything
PIMPIN A RAFFLE
Posted 12 years agoTHIS ONE IS FOR TRENT
Posted 12 years agowell i will be on my way home as of tomorrow but i feel like being a jerk to 
trenton cause....
I BEA THE YAMA TSUKAMI, I BEAT THE YAMA TSUKAMI, I BEAT THE YAMA TSUKAMI
suck it trent :P
trenton cause....I BEA THE YAMA TSUKAMI, I BEAT THE YAMA TSUKAMI, I BEAT THE YAMA TSUKAMI
suck it trent :P
More Developments
Posted 12 years agoin case anyone was wondering where i have been for the past couple days, i have been in montreal (still am) becasue my grandpa of 88 years old is dying. he has pretty much given up on life and said he didn't want to live anymore. he comes from a holland where euthenasia is legal there and wanted to that here but no dice. so they took out his IV and everything and is only been given morphine. so he is slowly and painlessly dying for the past couple days. we are staying for the funeral for when he passes.... idk when i will return home but he should be gone anyday now. the worst part for me is the waiting. i hate the thought of him dying slowly by choice. but i can't do anything but wait as my family takes turns going back and forth to the hospital.... anyway that's what's going on in my life and what i'm up to. needless to say without a large degree of stress from that and the fact the stress from certain people in my life continue to give me if not worse... i'm just hoping this will all be over soon....
UPDATED SITUATION
Posted 12 years ago so i finally got everything working again. but the downside is this minuscule act was the catalyst to trigger the next stage of my depression. i cry uncontrollably at random times even when i am happy, the stress makes me clench my fists aswell so hard i am afaid sometimes if i am not careful i will draw blood. i saw the doctor today about it and he is going to set me up with a psychiatrist and that i might be bi-polar.... yay for that X3. so that's here i am at right now for those who care and are interested
my computer died!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted 12 years agoA windows installion in the recovery got corrupted so now i have a dead computer and i don,t know what to do. I think i need to take it in but no money right now. So i tied to this phone and fa right now til i can figure something out.
UPDATE: it may be that my hard drive is corrupted so a new one and a windoes cd maybe needed DX
UPDATE: it may be that my hard drive is corrupted so a new one and a windoes cd maybe needed DX
FINAL FANTASY XIV..... They fixed it :D
Posted 12 years agoanyone else on aegis?
Rant Journal: Good Guys Finish Last
Posted 12 years agowhy is that? why is it the only way to get ahead in this life is fuck everyone around you over? why does the nice guy have to get used like a condom and taken for a ride? this reality makes no sense to me where up is down and being kind and generous is punished rather than rewarded. it sickens me to see stupid people run this world while the intelligent and kind hearted aren't. this world is so backwards it makes me wanna scream and commit genocide or suicide cause i feel like i don't wanna live here anymore its so inefficient and polluted, physically and mentally. and yet the most common thing i here from people is deal with it, there is nothing you can do about it but that could be farther from the truth. we as a whole can do everything but it takes all of us to finally enough is enough. alone it is practically impossible unless you go on a killing spree and cut the heads off the hydra that runs this place. yet the nice guy will always finish last til that day comes and here i am ranting about this sickening world of hypocrites and liars...
