is exactly what i have been talking about but bitches be crazy so no one listens/cares but i post this stuff for the people who actually give a shit about life on this planet :\

http://www.businessinsider.com/comp.....le-more-2013-8

http://iwastesomuchtime.com/on/?i=70585

free art raffle thingers for all me femmies out there http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/4843279/

another year come and gone DX time really does like it moves too fast. for all its ups and downs i hope things continue to get better for me ^^

and a similar thing is happening in canada. i have noticed it AND felt it for some time now. it is impossible to live unless you were born priviledged. i am 24 years old, i have a 2600 dollar debt, no house and a minimum wage job that i was LUCKY to land in the immagrant filled town that can't even help pay my current rent with my folks. i can't afford to goto college, i can't afford to live on my own all because of employers (and my job isn't the only place that does this) refuses to hire full time employees and barely gives them enough hours to come home with 600$ a month IF your lucky.... when are we as a societal majority going to say enough is enough and tear down the rich that rule our fucking lives and make it impossible to achieve anything other than the poverty they wish us to live in?

http://www.politicususa.com/2013/07.....rles-koch.html

i know its old but still holds value

i think its safe to say we have all been through stuff like this... some are still living it.but having lived through it for anyone who still is. it may not seem like it but it does get better and your not alone.

and for the americans since tit seems to NOT be available in the country it was filmed...

http://www.putlocker.com/file/1A19D14DD968A3E9#

I know where I'm going and I know the truth, and I don't have to be what you want me to be. I'm free to be what I want.

Muhammad Ali

sorry i missed a day, company >////<

When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives means the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand.

Henri Nouwen

think this one explains itself.

Artists who seek perfection in everything are those who cannot attain it in anything.
Gustave Flaubert

never achieve perfection, strive for it. for within perfection you find nothing, in striding for it we find everything and something new will always find you.

i don't know i think i am going to try this out, see if i can inspire and inquire the minds of the people who watch me and take the time to read these journals. welp here goes the first

America will never be destroyed from the outside. If we falter and lose our freedoms, it will be because we destroyed ourselves.


Abraham Lincoln

to every story there are 2 sides, even coming from a single source. that was my past, the events that define me as a person today, which is the basis of this story... who i feel i am as a person. through these stories, for those who take the time and care to read them (thank you to all those who do by the way), i hope that the people i care about and care about me will understand who i am as a person and understand what i do and why i do them. let ye judge lest ye be judged yourself i say. so without further ado this is me how i feel i am and what i believe.


i am a deeply caring person. i have a hard time not thinking of others before myself and am always caring about others feelings. down side to that is i care little about myself and my own well being aslong as long as the people around me are happy. sure i may bitch and complain at the fact but nothing gives me more joy than to see the ones i care about happy and laughing. if i could keep them in a perpetual state of bliss i would feel accomplished in my life. sadly i feel i fail at that alot of the time and really i have a hard time completing anything. just something in my head that just taunts me and belittles me telling me its not worth it but not really with words but feelings which i am incredibly susceptible to. its a weird part of me, i can usually feel and understand people's true emotions and thoughts no matter how hard they try to veil it, even text. i guess that would make me emphatic or an empath but it can be a burden more than a blessing. i can be extremely emotional at times like not weepy or stuff like that just i feel whatever the person i am communicating with feels. some people feel too much in certain ways that become off putting to me. especially negative emotions, anyone experiencing them makes me want to run away i can't deal with negativity, it makes me wanna regress into a corner and cower. but the upside is i understand people just through feeling. when i say i understand i truly do in my heart and the feeling of what your telling me is there. a common phrase i find myself saying these days is "i know that feeling." cause really i have experienced it all.

its weird some random people come to me off the street and just talk to me, like they have something they need to get off their chest, having never met these people or remember there names, i never see them again but i will never forget the experiences. my most prominent one was me getting off the bus after coming home from work one day. as i stepped off this old lady, i think around 65 or older, grabbed my arm and asked me to walk her to the mall we got off at. being the kind hearted soul i am and without hesitation i guided her happily to her destination. on the way she began to talk to me, i can't quite remember what we talked about but all i can remember was her talking about something that happened when she was a little girl. i though nothing of it at the time and when we arrived across the parking lot, i felt like i wanted to give her a hug but didn't but we exchanged pleasantries and i went home. i still remember it and the simplest of happy feelings she had when we went separate ways.

obviously with this....power? i went researching, figuring out how/why i am this way and came upon some pieces of research and stuff and i guess if i were to classify myself anything religiously, though that is far from what i would call myself, is a new age spiritualist. the truest form of love peace and unity i have ever seen in a group of people. no hate even for the haters, no judgement even to those who would judge, just being who are and and allowing people to be who they are. harmonious i believe, and if i could aspire to be anyone it would be the people who have found this peace of mind and live with such joy and contentedness i would have a part of it. the truth i have found within my research were mind boggling simple yet complex though i will not share any with you here today, it really is something you must look for yourself for if you truly want to seek more founded answers i think we all must find them ourselves.

that would be another thing about me. i love to learn and to think. if philosophy was a job i would hop on that train before it was built. i spend most of my free space in my head thinking about different aspects of our reality and how to better explain the littlest and simplest of things based on previous research i have stumbled upon, it always opens up new questions to find answers to. the 120 IQ tends to help in that regard. the is a reality of infinite possibilities yet this world, our planet, always has felt so tiny to me. its just a feeling but it feels like i could take a step and be half way around the world. silly i know but in a universe finitely gigantic we are nothing but the smallest spec in greater space.

one of my major issues though is that i hate stupidity with every fiber of my being. not the ones who can't help it, those with special needs. i actually feel sorry for them to be born with such a disadvantage. but the people who ignorantly disregard their own intelligence and the that of others make me wanna commit mass genocide and wipe that sort of cancer from the earth. the reason we have not been able to advance as a species is because somehow the stupid rule the earth and won't let greater intelligence make it better. ignorance breeds fear which instills doubt and hatred of the unknown. religion seems to be the major culprit of such or atleast a great attractor of such. i have nothing against people believing what they want. free will is a basic law of reality and no other being or institution can ever take that away from someone. but in the name of gods terrible things have been done and yet people still believe in such mythological scriptures even when debilitating proof has been discovered to disprove them yet they deny it and move on. ignorance is the downfall of humanity and i choose to keep my mind free to all possibilities.

there is more to me that follows my beliefs that i believe i am but if you truly want to know then feel free to ask me. i am one o the most approachable people you can find though my attention span is next to none most of the time. i wanna leave you with this. i truly and without question love every single person on this planet. every one of you is special and worth every breathe you take. everything that happens in this reality is not without reason and though terrible at the time all leads up to something wonderful in the end. i think if you truly look back and reflect on past events and see where it all linked up to usually it lead to something that was of some benefit to you. i love you all and keep being amazing~

this is a journal i assume most people will never read but i guess in the end i am making it for me. to get it all down so i don't have to remember it all anymore, i want to move past this story and start a new one, one that i can be happy with. in case anyone ever wondered who i am or why i am who i am or do what i do maybe this will finally explain everything. but for me i must expel the old to begin a new....



this story begins like everyone else's, with the first breathe of life. i remember a bit from my really early years like 2-3 and the happiness i had. i still cling to those memories as a reminder how things used to be when they couldn't of been happier. the simplicity of it all and the love, omg the love i felt then was amazing. unfortunately from then misfortune seemed to latch to me like a leech. was lactose intolerant, ADD, mal nourished due to the medication, i was a mess. by age 8 i was 4'10" and 56lbs, i would fit fell in ethopia. we moved alot, i never stayed in one place for very long, i am 23 now and i have moved about 18+ times in my life span, so making friends was a non existent thing for me early on. not like it would have helped. like most families mine was impoverished. we weren't poor but dancing that line, i was not popular in canadian schools. i was lucky if i ever had one friend in the schools i went to the rest treated me like dirt. i myself was never good at anything other than chess and video games where i drowned my existence in. this is all by the 4th grade.

around this time my parents divorse i really wasn't effected by it in my youth but my mom at the time thought it be a good idea to make me see psychologists about it, saw them til i was in the 6th grade or moved to america but i'll get to that bit. that only made things worse in the schools, people ignored me more, hated me more. which was fine in a way. it was around the 7th grade i contimplated hanging myself in front of my entire gym class. if it weren't for my only friend at the time i probably would've done it. now i had a new reason to see the therapists, oh joy for me. to abbrevaite a bit moved around a bit more. was sexually molested by people thought were my friends, one i went to court for, it wasn't his first offense. my dad was hardly around at who's fault i have no idea. around this time my anger began to go outward wishing hte people who hurt me would die or i could kick their ass. what sealed it for me is when one kid, also from a broken home and much older than me started throwing rocks at me. i lost it and went at him with a tree limb it took 4 outher kids to hold me back. on a seperate occassion in detention (which began to happen alot at this point cause i couldn't take people's crap anymore) one kid put me in a headlock, i head butt him so hard i broke his nose.

eventually with more running my mom was doing from what i still don't know, she married a transexual which i have no problem with and ven at the age of 12 i never did aswell. i was ready to love him whatever his choice was, her now i guess. we move to america where i promise myself things in school are going to eb different, i will become popular and people will like me, it stuck in the back of my mind and it worked and i was happy.... but at home became my new hell. at this point i should mention i have a younger sister about a year and half younger. if it weren't for her at this stage in my life my second suicide attempt may have been successful or i would have actually carried it out. anyway my step-dad transsexual thing turned out to be like most step parents. he eventually began to hate me, balme me for everything, i was never doing anything right. nearly killed me on one occassion nearly killed himself on more, owned a gun at one point which scared the shit out of me. me and my sister ran away alot from home cause he treated us like slaves. my broke up with him on 3 separate occasions and every time i thought was the last i would ever see of him and yet my hell kept coming home. i hardly left my room or was at home at this point. i turned to weed as an escape or to atleast forget about it all as much as i could and feel something other than a cage built around me. with my friend dear friends at the time outside of home i was happy and continually enough to make it. eventually that didn't last and i moved from colorado (where this part of the story took place) to oklahoma. where i hit the height of my popularity. good looking short kid with an iq of 120 in a town of 8,000 people known as chandler oklahoma.

i missed a point in this story i will add here. i am thankful for my step dad for one thing and one thing only, he was my introduction to the furry fandom. the first place we went to in colorado was his old house in boulder colorado where i met them. idk if they were pegan furs or not but they were the most maazing people i met and they helped me come up with my first sona named Arc the dragon. it didn't last but in high school i met another fur, kinda extreme but still a valued friend. he got expelled from alot of schools for hacking and putting furry porn on public folders even once changed the global wallpaper to a nude pic of Crystal from starfox XD. anywho that was how i eventually became dray after digging deeper. originally i was in it for the art but then i started talking to the people and now this is my hoe and i love every last one of you.

but back tothe main story, at this point in my life i was by so i had a girlfriend. things were ok but my moms NEW husband had an asshole kid. he stole my stuff from my room while i was sleeping, lied all the time, fronted on me alot once again a new hell was born. all i ever had was my sister. my dad still tried to keep contact, during summer vacation i wanted to go visit but my mom was against it out of spite i assume. about 6 months in this town and being 18 i wanted to move back to canada which she endorsed which confused the hell out of me. some context to add my mom and i were close...ish. i bought the only bullshit that was spouted to me about the divorse and only her side of things. and another point to make, i love my sister to death but the truth is she is the family's shining star, all anyone can care about is her. she asks she recieves. while i was mostly ignored cause of my problems and i guess me in general so i existed in the eyes of my family but that was about it. i move back to canda thinking i can take what i learned from america and use it... i failed high school twice, mostly cause my careness factor was 0 i just wanted to be done. so i started working, things were going great but i started trusting my dad. a man i hardly knew in10 years. i get a credit card , he wants to buy a tv and uses it saying he would pay it off.... it wasn't til 3 years later i foudn out he stopped after 6 months and i owe 1300$. this is a man that repeated uses me financially and lies to me and yet i am living with him now. by the way i moved another good 6 or 7 times with him new girlfriends and more asshole children.

after a year of his bullshit i move out with to a friend i met while living with him. thinking i would find piece at home once more... i couldn't cause his brother were the devil spawn and their mother was the ring leader. i thank her so much for the opportunities she allowed me to have and taking me in but she controlled my life. i couldn't leave without asking, i couldn't go anywhere unless it was ok with her. i was trapped. eventually i found a ticket out and got my own place with a roommate near my dad, which we made up over the 4 years i stayed there. and things were great for once but i am only allowed despaie, hope with no way of gaining it. i couldn't i find work and had to go on wellfare while living with the friend before moving to this place. thinking i could find work out here i couldn't after a year...... had to move back in with my dad and still uses me for money if i have any.....

i am missing some bit and pieces but i think the evidence speaks for itself..... my whole life i have felt worthless, useless. like my existence doesn't matter at all and i still do. i fight these feelings every day trying to convince myself its worth it to press on. but my future is now where in sight and no way of getting there. but then i met some people who showed me i can feel more things than despair and sadness, that i should fight for my life and gave me hope for it. i vowed to be stronger and to live for them and more importantly myself. i am really going to try this time but my heart is dangling by the noose gasping for air. i'm afraid of what will finally make it give up and take me along with it but i have to at least try. i know who i want to be and what i want to do.

i want to make everyone around me happy instead of being a burden on everyone i meet, bringing my misfortune with me and have it effect them unintentionally. every problem i attempt to fix i only make worse. i want to be rid of it all i want to live and have a life that supersedes what i had to deal with so far. i want to be happy and loved and truly feel it for once and spread those feeling sto everyone. i wanna help fix this world, be the shining example of what humanity should be. no hate, no suffering. i want to create a world of smiles, of freedom.

this is who i was and what i went through..... i am going to fight to create my world but damn is the world fighting me in return....when i say i love you all and i mean everyone i mean it. your all so special and amazing and if i can aspire to be half the man any of you are i think i lived decently.

my love is unconditional.... i just wish people would for once show me the same courtesy (save a few who have kept me together this long)

must

play

again

DDDDDDDDDDDDX

this was by far the best game i ever played as a kid and the music was what made the game what it was, epic

watch and understand. however you may feel in your life let this guy be the reason you take that next step forward and never give up.

http://www.leadnow.ca/canada-not-for-sale all Canadian furs should be signing this right now. and Harper should NOT be reelected next term. he really wore out his welcome on this one.

in the past month i have found something to believe in. not in any religion but in a belief most people these days are beginning to share and become aware of. i don't know really what to call it because its really not one thing but it is heavily grounded in the metaphysical, something i have had a great curiosity in to begin with.

really is all started with the Hidden History video i linked before. i decided to check out some of their other work and through them my eyes have been opened and through them and the lesson they have taught or rather ideas and evidence they have shared, my life feels enriched and filled with happiness, joy and above all, love you everything and everyone.

i see things in a whole new light and that perception keeps shifting towards the better everyday. i hope to continue down this path to inner enlightenment and ask who else is making this shift in their life?

for me it would be cool to talk to more people about this.

Namaste and love you all~

i know i really get ranty with this stuff but all i wanna do is open people's eyes to the world around them. never take anything at face value cause most of the time that face was put their for you to look at, a mask. i love this world and the people in it except those who think they can control and hurt the people around them just for their benefit. in the end i may not know you but i love you all and all must band together to make this world a better place again. a few can never and has never outmatched the fury of the many.







i have my theories, but it wouldn't be life if you didn't create your own.

i know i do alot of these but this one is really the most important. if i have any faith in the fandom and the people who watch me. if you can do anything for this person please do it, his life might be at stake.

http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/3808383/

this will be my test to see if life wants me to be an artist or not XDD

http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/3801518/

if you have a DA please report this person so he may not claim ownership of anyone else's art ever again.

http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/...../#cid:28380481

EDIT: RESOLVED

i really should post as these things come in rather than let them pile up @.@. but its all fun anyway ^^.