but babe, you don't realize how much it bothers me.

Maybe a vent art soon?

I'm sorry I haven't posted any art in quite a while, I was working on a little drawin' but lost my motivation and my job leaves me fucking exhausted so all I do now is sleep when I get home. As well as the fact that washing dishes for an hour+ every day coupled with the dry cold outside (I bike to work and back so I'm in the cold more than I normally would be) has left literally all of my knuckles severely cracked, bleeding, and so painful that I can't hold anything without pain and can't even fucking sleep. In fact I should be sleeping right now but yeah. Pain.
These aren't excuses, just the reasons why I haven't drawn in a while and also an apology for that.
Sigh.

the pain stops if you get high enough?

The bed is lonely without you...
Tried to draw but gave up like I always do.
I'm so fucking tired...

It's hard to let yourself die again when you thought you found someone who finally made you feel alive. Oh well.

A leopard doesn't change it's spots.
I just want to die.

Every day I say I'll stop and yet I keep doing it. So much for being anything other than useless.

I know I don't have many watchers, but I've decided to try and get the word out about this! There is a particular transgender man that I watch on youtube that provides very amazing videos for trans men in regards to packers, toys, lube, sex ed, and much more!
Just to clear things up:
I am not transgender myself, but I do have chest dysphoria and I identify as gender fluid (I lean more towards being male).
Why I made this journal?
I have a few trans friends that have made me realize that this information needs to get out more so that transgender people can feel less alone and have the resources they need so that they can feel comfortable in their own skin. I know what it's like to hate my own body and to feel disconnected from what I see in the mirror, and I want to help other people who feel the same in any way that I can.
So without further ado, this is Chase! https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCR.....3AXGTbGeOX5Wzw

(I plead that no-one goes to his channel just to spread hate in his comment section. Although I doubt anyone on this website would, I still want to ask that people not do it).

Thank you for reading my rambling!

I broke my right knuckles on a tree earlier today after a fight with my boyfriend. Our relationship will be fine, but I can't hold things for a little while so if anyone cares: no art for a little bit until it doesn't hurt to hold my tablet pen. Sorry.

For those few who care or are wondering if they should just unwatch me because of how slow I am to upload new things:
I will upload new things soon.
As of this moment I'm taking some time to stop feeling like shit. I visited my boyfriend last week (I haven't seen him in four months) and now that I'm back home and away from him and that house again I just want to curl up and shut down. I left my happiness with him.
But yeah, enough of my complaining, this is just me explaining why I suck at uploading. I just don't even want to draw right now. I don't want to do anything, really. But life goes on and I'm finding a job, etc, getting an actual life. So yeah, that's why I'm shit, a new drawing will be up on Christmas that I dew a while ago to give to my boyfriend. If you few people don't leave from my watch list then I hope you enjoy it.

Oh, and expect a lot of depressing shit if I do start drawing frequently again. Sorry, but I draw what I feel. (Actually not sorry at all)

I know not many people may see this but  eefacapricorn was nice enough to make a free raffle for all to join in. Just follow the simple and easy rules and you could win some cool art. This is also partly an apology for not doing all the rules myself ^^; but I did now and I'm excited to see who wins!

http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/7927226/

How do people actually make their fursona and then be satisfied with it? Is it some sort of magic that I don't possess because I have been working on mine for a good 10 years and I STILL CAN'T PUT DOWN A FINAL DESIGN. Is it just easier to design when someone is around to bounce ideas off of or looking at others and their designs for inspiration(which I have done and ultimately just makes me depressed at how well-made their design is). PLEASE anyone share your wisdom with me because it literally makes me depressed that I can't do this. It's like this huge wall that I just can't overcome. I thought I liked how he looked before but I'm so put down by it now that I'm just so unhappy with it. I can't draw things I want to draw because I want my fursona to be in it BUT HE DOESN'T HAVE A DESIGN. Please.... any advice?