I know it's around me, it's the sound of fear calling to se what he has done, to watch his work. It's a breathing darkness all around me, the sound of a mute scream floating on the summer wind.

I can sense it on my, sticked on me like some bad dream. It's the blood of my sins coming after me, it's the void taking shape in me, it's the fear waking up on me...

But then I see myself, and I see this darkness, and I know inside me we are the same thing. That no living creature can be all light or all darkness. And I look into the face of my most horrible ghosts, of my most horrible part, the one that wish to destroy me and others.

I gaze upon this creature of darkness and fear that I have become, and I reconice on it the faces of the ones that have hurted me. And I wish to kill it, to destroy it for ever and be only... nothing... cause I can't be witout my shadows...

That's when I realize, I must not run from it, I must not destroy it or let it become the most important part of me. And only then I understad why is there, why all my scars and all my pain is there. But I can't say it on words, cause looks so simple on them... I just have to learn to live with it.

It's so hard to live with your past and be in peace with it. I am so far from it... this shadow is always there... But as the shadow is so am I.

I guess I am lost now and may never find my way to balance. I must sleep now... just wanted to get this thing out of me...

Stop! Emo time! :P

Where should I begin?, well ... I'm not a very complicated beast, or at least I try. But lately I come carrying things I can not hold properly. That is, mourn on a wednesday at 4 pm for no reason is not good rigth?

Now, why is that? If I can support all my friends and be as strong as they need me to be, why I can not support myself? I can't be strong for me, at least not when I'm alone, when the night closes on me all I can do is to mourn and feel guilty. Because I know the solution to my problems. But I don't know what is happening, what prevents me to move and frezees me like there wasn't more options. But I see them! They solutions are there!! The question would be how to reach them ...

And that bothers me ...

Another thing ... my problems are, objectively, simple. And that also makes me angry ... something simple is making me stop...

Then more things, kendo, leon, Fedes, love, pain ... agony and sense of death everywhere ... Shit I'm screwed now ...

Note part: It happens to me usually, I will be ok soon ...

---

Veamos, por donde empiezo, bien... No soy un bicho muy complicado o al menos lo intento. Pero ultimamente vengo cargando con cosas que no puedo contener correctamente. Es decir, llorar porque si un miercoles a las 4 de la tarde no esta bueno no?

Ahora, por qué pasa eso? Y por qué si soy capaz de apoyar a todos mis amigos y ser lo mas fuerte que ellos tienen cerca no puedo apoyarme a mi misma? No puedo ser fuerte para mi, al menos no cuando estoy sola, cuando la noche se cierra en mis problemas no puedo hacer mas que llorar y sentirme culpable proque yo sé la solución a las cosas. Pero, no sé que pasa, que me impide moverme y me congela llorando como si no existieran opciones. Pero yo las veo! Estan ahi!! La cuestión seria como alcanzarlas...

Y eso me molesta...

Otra cosa... mis problemas son, objetivamente, simples. Y eso tambien me enoja... que algo simple me detenga.

Luego mas cosas, kendo, leon, Fedes, amor, dolor... agonia y la sensación de morir por todos lados... Mierda que estoy jodida hoy...

Nota a parte: Ya se me pasa, no se quemen mucho...

Oh, well, I will try to make this one short...

I have a boyfriend, we were friends for about 6 years and I was in love with him since the first time I saw him. But I wasn't brave enough to tell him, cause he is so beautiful. Now we are together and we are happy.

I don't know what the destiny will have for us and our love, but he is so brave, so tender, he doesn't let me get depressed. He is always there for me with his hugs and his smile, and he has such beautiful eyes.

I am a little afraid, cause I feel my hearth is still broken and won't work very well. And his love is so big and beautiful that makes me feel like I am inside a summer storm.

He loves me, I can see it inside of him, his love burns me in his eyes. And I love him so much, he makes me feel like a treasure and all I want is to make him happy and watch his beautiful smile...

---

Bueno, para mis amigos que hablan español, la versión mas corta que puedo hacer es esta... cada vez que me pongo a escribir sobre él paso horas pensando en su ternura...

Tengo novio, soy su amiga desde hace alrededor de 6 años y estuve enamorada de él desde la primera vez que lo vi. Pero nunca fui lo suficientemente valiente como para decirle, porque él es demasiado hermoso.

No sé lo que el destino va a tener preparado para nosotros y nuestro amor, pero él es tan valiente, tan tierno, no me permite deprimirme ni un segundo. Él siempre está allí para mí, con sus abrazos y su sonrisa, y tiene una mirada tan bellas.

Yo aún siento un poco de miedo, porque yo siento que mi corazón todavía está roto y no funciona muy bien. Y su amor es tan grande y hermoso que me hace sentir que estoy dentro de una tormenta de verano.

Él me ama, puedo ver que dentro de él, su amor me quema en los ojos. Y yo le quiero mucho, me hace sentir como un tesoro y lo único que quiero es ser feliz y ver su hermosa sonrisa ..

Para aquellos que lo conocen es un amigo mio de rol, se llama Federico

Como FA estuvo caido tanto tiempo no pude organizar las cosas del todo bien. Quedará para febrero. Lo siento.

Besos
Maia

IF YOUR LIFE WAS A MOVIE, WHAT WOULD THE SOUNDTRACK BE?

So, here's how it works:
1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc) *
2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the song that's playing
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button
6. Don't lie and try to pretend your cool...
7. When you're finished tag 5 People to do it!

Opening Credits: "A la carga mi rocanroll" - La renga

Waking Up: "They will return" - Kalmah

First Day at School: "Something to believe in" - Ramones

Losing a Loved One: "Cuando estes acá" - La renga

First Kiss: "Hatebreeder" - Children of bodom

Falling in Love: "Carry the cross" - Arch Enemy

Birthday Song: "En los brazos del sol" - La Renga

Fight Song: "Spiders" - System of a down

Breaking Up: "God of wind" - Korpiklani

Prom: "The day when the sun faded away" - Catamenia

Mental Breakdown: "I am legend, out for blood" - Arch Enemy

Driving: "Children of the damned" - Iron Maiden

Flashback: "Bodom beach terror" - Children of bodom

Getting Back Together: "Silent scream" - Children of Bodom

Wedding: "Lil' Bloodred ridin' Hood" - Children of bodom

Birth of Child: "Angels don't kill" - Children of bodom

Final Battle: "Deja vu" - Iron Maiden

Reflecting on Life: "Atwa" - System of a down

Death Scene: "Tripa y corazón" - La renga

Funeral Song: "Hitchin a ride" - Green Day

End Credits: "I believe in miracles" - Ramones

---

LoL!!!

Oh, I must warn you this is gonna be a very emotional journal.

I've been thinking, not a good think when you are talking about me, but I realize some things.

First of all, I like hugs, well you all will tell me "no kidding?" cause I hug you guys every time I can, but in real life It was different story. Since I was dating with my ex I didn't hug people as much, maybe cause I was always thinking about him and that he might think bad about me giving a hug to somebody else. So, many, many friends didn't get my hugs for sometime... and I am very sorry about it.

Also, i didn't go to support some friends because i was thinking that he may get sad, or worst mad at me. And I was afraid... and that's not good at all.

I mean, is not like he was always chasing me around to see what I was doing. He trusted me, at least, but when I told him "oh, hun, I am gonna go see (insert name of an old friend)" his answer was like "ah... ok... go". And then he was feeling sad or something so I stop to go with that friend. Or stop going out on my own, and stop all my rpg games... cause I was afraid of hurting him, so I give all my self into him.... big mistake... I kinda lost who i was. It was like I didn't meant anything unless he also wanted it.

It was his fault? No, It was mine, cause I let it happen. I never talked those things with him, and he always kinda felt insecure about me... I can't blame him I guess... I became my own censor, and I let it became my cage.

So, when he betrayed me I felt so lost... and even tho I let many of my friends down they came back to me and helped me to get up again. And then I learned a lot of things...

It's good to take care of the person you love, and be careful about how tender you are to other people. But there's a limit for everything... and the limit is when you can't express yourself cause you always thinking "oh, this will hurt him?", even when he is not even there. I let it happen...

And the other thing is "always talk" don't run away from problems... but i guess I will take down that on another journal... cause this is to long now...

Well, that's all for all

Big hugs to all!!!

---

Silnat y Gus ustedes se dieron cuenta de que mis abrazos no eran los mismos, y el otro día cuando fui a su casa y los abracé a ambos creo que tambien notaron un nuevo cambio.

Recuerdenme no dejar de abrazar nunca a mis amigos...

Besitos a todos!!

Bueno, viendo que el pueblo responde propongo:

Domingo 13 de diciembre a las 15:30 horas fiestita lluvia en mi casa (mandar privado a mi los que me conoscan sobre detalles de como llegar o mandar a  guspapis o  silnat los que sean mas cercanos a ellos que a mi)

A ver si con suficiente tiempo podemos juntarnos y de paso despedimos el año!!

La idea:
Juntarnos y conocernos que hace mucho que no se hace
Intercambiar ideas, arte, materiales, consejos, y esas cosas
Comer cosas ricas
Ver una peli?
Y todo lo que quieran proponer!!!

Que les parece?

Besos!!

Hola niños y niñas peluditos del uruguay, tengo una propuesta, pero para que salga necesito del apoyo de todos.

Quiero hacer una reunión de todos los que somos ahora, pongo mi casa no hay problema a la mayoria (sino a todos) los conosco y sé quienes son, modalidad lluvia, que vengan todos los posibles, probablemente un domingo de tarde.

Hay interés de parte de ustedes?

Si me dan el OK yo empiezo a organizar

Besitos
Maia

Reply to this journal and:

1. I'll respond with something random about you.
2. I'll tell you which song or movie you remind me of.
3. I'll pick a flavor of jello to wrestle you in.
4. I'll say something that only makes sense to you and me.
5. I'll tell you my first memory of you.
6. I'll tell you what animal you remind me of.
7. I'll ask you something I've always wondered about you.
8. I'll tell you my favorite thing about you.
9. I'll tell you something you need to work on.
10. If you play, you MUST post this on yours.

Well, I been doing lots of thinking these days, and I found something truly great and lovely about me and my life. And that is the awesome amounts of friends that I have and how so many good and strong people came to me these day to borrow me some of their courage and love.

THANKS TO ALL!!

To all my friends in the I.P.A (my college), all the friends from the rol playing games I love, all the ones that I got from life, to the dark swarm (my guild) and other friends in world of warcraft, my family and of course all the good people from FA.

Even people that don't know me in real life came to me to tell me how sweet I am and that they wanna see me better, thanks to all, you all have earned a big place in my heart. Maybe destiny will bring us together some day, and I'll be able to hug you.

To all the friends that are close to me, and gave me their hugs, love, support, the ones that cheer me up calling me to my phone, inviting me to their houses, I say thank you. I'll say it with my words, my heart, my actions and my hugs. Thank you. You are the best, and no matter what life has stored for each of us I'll never leave you guys alone. You are a part of my heart, you are really part of my cardiac muscle, and you make it stronger.

Well, I just wanted to say it... THANKS!! You guys keep my heart alive

Ok, so Leon leaves me cause he doesn't love my anymore AND he loves a friend of mine he only saw 2 times and spoke to her in msn. How the fuck should I feel?

He said to me the other day "you know, I've lost more than you, cause I lost twice... you and her". He never had her in the first place, she never loved him. And the worst part is, I love the dam motherfucker with all my good for nothing broken heart.

He has no clue how much damage he do. He has no idea, cause he can't know the feeling of loving someone with all your heart. Cause after what happened I know he never really loved me.

I am a toy, a fucking doll to play to love. And if he feels that she and I where the same kind of lost, what the fuck can I do? where is my value? If he values my 2 fucking years of deep and true love the same he values somebody he really don't know, what that tells you about me?

Idk... I am broken and don't know what i need. Maybe to feel loved again, maybe the biggest tender hug somebody can have for me... maybe I need to stop thinking... and stop crying... and star eating.. that maybe good...

I don't talk much about the things that really hurt me. Today, I don't know why, I feel like thinking about that...

Sometimes I find myself talking alone in my mind. Asking over and over again the same questions that is better to forget, and I wonder why I can't ask those questions outside my mind. I mean, I wanna go back to my past and ask: why did you leave me there? Why did you hurt me like that? Why you let them hurt me?

I guess there are strong things in my heart, strong rotten things growing and moving. And I can't talk about them, not here online, not with my friends, my boyfriend or my terapist. I mean, some people know most of the things and events that hurt me in the past, but they probably don't understad what those things meant to me. And why I can let them go...

Someday I may talk, outside my mind... for now I can't, I guess I am not strong enough for that.

And I know I have very good friends to talk about all this, and I know they will be there when I am ready to open up and talk. But now I am not ready.

Hugs to all, now I will "put on a happy face" and keep moving.

Well it's been a wile since I check this place, lol.
Now I'm not visiting it to much, i don't know why, time? Maybe...

Will i come back? I don't know...

BTW, I'm kinda sad, but living, what else there's to do?

Hugs to all my friends.

Bueno, hace mucho tiempo que no contaba nada de mi vida y usaba esto como catarsis, asi que... no se, me dio por escribir nuevamente...

Bueno, como siempre, estoy entrenando mucho. Sensei ya volvio a Japon y ahora estamos solos aca. EL sensei que quedo (Uruguayo) es Gonzalo y la verdad que nos esta matando. Cada vez que entrenamos termino en una gran piscina de mi propio sudor jadeando con la lengua afuera. Es duro. Pero ahora hay una gran motivacion, no solo en junio tengo que dar examen para 1 dan, sino que ademas soy parte del equipo femenino que va a ir a competir!!. Eso significa compartir con muchos kendokas de latinoamerica + un viaje a Brazil!!!.
Asi que el entrenamiento es duro, pero las motivaciones son grandes... mucho mucho trabajo por delante...

En cuanto a los estudios salve solo 1 materia de las que me faltaban, asi que a final de Abril tengo examenes nuevamente. Y de ellos depende todo, desde mi ingreso a la universidad a mi cobertura de salud. Presion?, no para nada :P

Y bueno, el otro gran tema, Leon... las cosas van bien, mejor de lo que nunca espere que me fueran.
No se como decirlo sin que suene tonto, pero es una relacion muy bonita. El cambio mucho del frio y de la oscuridad que tenia dentro por calor (esa tibieza que solo tiene la piel de una amante) y la luminicencia de su mirada. Tiene los ojos mas bellos del universo.
Bueno, en conclusion, estoy enamorada, y ta...

---

Well, long time not see, lol, i haven't used this as a catharsis in a wile, so... here i go again!

Well, as usual, I am training a lot. Sensei already returned to Japan and now we are alone here. Now our new Sensei is (Uruguayan) Gonzalo and the truth is that he is killing us. Every training i end up in a great pool of my own sweat with my tongue out. It's hard. But now there is a big motivation, not only in June I have to give me test to become a 1 dan, but I am also part of the women's team that is going to compete in Brazil this year!!. That means sharing with many of Latin America's best kendokas + a trip to Brazil!.
So the training is tough, but the motivations are great ... Much hard work ahead ...


As for the studies save only 1 subject of which I was lacking, so at the end of April I got exams again. And all my life depend of them, my university entrance, my health coverage, everithing. Pressure? Not at all :P

Well, the other big issue, Leon ... Things are going well, better than I ever expect to be.
I'm trying to talk about it without sounding silly, but love makes you silly. And it's a very beautiful relationship. He has changed me much inside, from the cold and darkness he transform me and fill me with warm (such warmth that has only skin of a lover) and light, the lovely light of his eyes. He has the most beautiful eyes of the universe.
Well, in conclusion, I am in love *blush*

"I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain."

Awsome words, the fist time somebody told me that i was shaking in fear, absolutly paralized by it, and static.
But then, León, came to me and told me that, and now i'm trying to keep that wisdom in me.
And i mean, is hard, for me is hard as hell getting out of my fear. The fear and the lonelynes have keep me frozen all these years. And you wanna know something?. The fear never gets more easy to carry, it doesn't go away, even when all lights are on, the fears is always there.
I don't know why i'm so sensible to it, i really don't. But these past few days i've been in a constant state of terror.
Maybe i'm becoming weak, maybe the fact that i don't usualy cry for help to the outside. Maybe, and more likely, all my masks of strength are falling down now that i have no reason to be strong for others anymore. Now i need to be strong for my self, and i don't know if i want to... i mean... i don't know if i can... i don't know how...

Well, anyway, this will be the hadest week in my life, all about tests to my body, my spirt, and my knowlege.

I hope to resist, and keep the fear out of me...

Well, cristmas is all about happyness and presents again. I spend some time working and selecting special gifths to Leon, and it worked out. He loves his new WOW posters, and all the other little stuff i got for him. He gave me lots of stuff i was asking for, and a new hard drive to my pc, that alredy has starcraft and warcraft on it!. I'm so happy!.
We had a wonderful diner, full of love and care. And we did it tougether... so lovely and fun!.

MERRY CRISTMAS TO ALL!!

Nada, estrenamos al final la obra en el teatro Florencio Sánchez esta semana.
Tuvimos muy buenas criticas de todo el mundo, mas alla de los problemas que surgieron.
La danza estuvo genial, muy bien lograda más allá de que en algún momento las cosas se trancaron, pero salimos del paso y nadie se dio cuenta.
Se ve que mis años sobre el escenario sirvieron muy bien para cubrir los problemas surjidos y para mantenerme tranquila durante toda la experiencia. Los que nunca habian echo teatro eran un manojo de nervios e histéria!. Hubo momentos feos detrás del escenario... MUY FEOS...
Pero bueno, lo importante es que esto no se va a quedar asi. Ya estamos en tratativas para mover la obra por ahi, asi que ayudas para eso seran bien recibidas!. Ya que el tema de la violencia doméstica debe ser tratado y denunciado en todos lados!.

GRACIAS A LOS QUE ESTUVIERON AHI!!

---

So, finally the opening night came and went in the theater "Florencio Sanchez" this week.
We had very good critics, beyond the problems that arose.
The dance was great, very successful!.
It is seems that my years on the stage served well to meet the challenges that happened and to keep me calm during the whole experience. Those in the cast who had never done theater were a bunch of nerves and histeric!. There were some ugly moments behind the scenes ... VERY UGLY...
Anyway, the important thing is that this is not going end here. We are already in the works to move dealings to present this play as far as whe can, so for that aid will be well received!. Because the issue of domestic violence should be treated and reported everywhere!.

THANKS TO THOSE WHO WHERE THERE!!

Mi mente no para de bombardearme con recuerdos del futuro que ya no va a ser.
Todas las noches sueño no ser yo, no estar ahora, desaparecer mis ataduras mortales y alejarme de esta vida cruel y carcelaria. Luego despierto, y me siento culpable de lo que he echo, me siento culpable de soñar no estar amando estar en mi sitio...

El amor parece tan cruel a simple vista...

Realmente quiero estar donde estoy, lo quiero, pero no puedo dejar de sentir lazos y cadenas sobre mi cuerpo. Aun no he perdido el reflejo de mover mis alas y tratar de volar hacia la nada, hacia el vacio de la libertad sin nudos. Pero el peso de mis decisiones me retiene.
Me enredo en mi miedo, me detengo en mi inseguridad y olvido. Suspendo por un momento el conocimiento, ya no recuerdo que me quiere porque sus miradas me atan con tal fuerza que sus ojos me queman directo el alma. Y simplemente me dejo, me arrastro hacia sus brazos cansada, abatida, atada, vencida, y me acomodo a sus pies solo para que no me mire asi. Para que no me lastime.

---

My mind continues to full me with memories of a future that will no longer be.
Every night I dream aboout not be me, not be now, be far away of my mortal ties and go away from this mortal life and cruel prison. Then I awake, and I feel guilty for what I have dream of, I feel guilty of not loving to be in my place... and I love my place...

Love seems so cruel to the naked eye ...

I really want to be where I am, I want, but I can not help feeling bonds and chains on my body. I still have not lost the reflex to move my wings and try to fly to nothing, to the emptyness of liberty without knots. But the weight of my decisions retains me.
I mess in my fear, I stop in my insecurity and oblivion. I suspend for a moment the knowledge, I do not remember that he loves me because he's looking me with such force that his eyes burn me direct to the soul. And I just leave myself, I drag myself into his arms tired, surge, tied, lost, and I crawl under his feets only to stop that gaze. So, he stops hurting me.

Your Boy Side
[x] You love hoodies.
[X] You love jeans.
[] Dogs are better than cats.
[] It's hilarious when people get hurt.
[X] You've played with/against boys on a team.
[] Shopping is torture.
[X] Sad movies suck.
[ ] You own an X-Box.
[X] Played with Hotwheels cars as a kid.
[X] At some point in time you wanted to be a firefighter.
[X] You used to be obsessed with Power Rangers.
[] You watch sports on TV.
[X] Gory movies are cool
[] You go to your dad for advice.
[] You own like a trillion baseball caps.
[] You like going to football games.
[] You used to/do collect baseball cards.
[x] Baggy pants are cool to wear.
[ ] It's kinda weird to have sleepovers with a bunch of people.
[X] Green, black, red, blue, or silver are one of your favorite colors.
[X] You love to go crazy and not care what people think.
[X] Sports are fun.
[X] Talk with food in your mouth.
[ ] Wear boxers.

Total = 13 Points

Your Girl Side
[] You wear lip gloss.
[x] You love to shop.
[x] You wear eyeliner.
[] You have some of the same shirts in different colors.
[x] You wear the color pink.
[] Go to your mom for advice.
[] You consider cheerleading a sport.
[] You hate wearing the color black.
[] You like hanging out at the mall.
[x] You like getting manicures and/or pedicures.
[X] You like wearing jewelry.
[] Skirts are a big part of your wardrobe.
[x] Shopping is one of your favorite hobbies.
[ ] You don't like the movie Star Wars.
[] You are/were in cheerleading, gymnastics or dance.
[ ] It takes you around 1 hour to shower, get dressed, and put on make-up and accessories.
[x] You smile a lot more than you should.
[] You have more than 10 pairs of shoes.
[X] You care about what you look like.
[ x] You like wearing dresses when you can.
[x ] You like wearing body spray/perfume/cologne.
[x] You wear girl underwear.
[X] Used to play with dolls as little kid.
[ x] Like putting make-up on someone else for the joy of it.
[ x] Like taking pictures of yourself with your cell phone/camera when you're bored.

Total: 14 points

I'm well balanced!

WHO I AM...

Well, i actually have 4 of them, every one is a little bit of my personality... so I'll answer for the 4 of them...

What is your fursona?

Maia
Edgard
Doomcat
Vulpidash

Where did the name of your Fursona come from?

Maia: is my name, i guess i use it because i'll like to be as fun loving all the time as she is.

Edgard: it's a long rolepleying game story. To make it short, i believe it's a sexy name.

Doomcat: cause i give a fuck.

Vulpidash: is beacuse she is a breed between a Vulpix and a Rapidash, soo is kinda logic.

What species is your fursona and why did you choose that species?

Maia: Siamese cat, cause i when i was a kid my best friend was my siamese cat "chatrana", she always made me happy and that's what i want to do to others.

Edgard: a kind of male green water dragon. Cause i think dragons are strong, and he's strong, dragons are sharp and have claws all that is the essence of him.

Doomcat: a black cat female/male, it all depends, when everybody spects her/him to be female she becomes a male. And she is a cat cause i give a fuck.

Vulpidash: Well, i alredy told this, but... she's a Vulpix and Rapidash breed. Cause they are my 2 favorites pokemons.

What color is your fursona and why? Hair/fur/eyes/etc

Maia: She's white and black, cause those are the colors of a siamese cat. She has brown eyes, cause i heve them to i would like to see the world trought her eyes. She has longcurly hair, cause i have it too, haha, and she wears a bandana a lot cause i do to...

Edgard: He's green cause that's how i imagine him. He's a male, cause he represent all my bad, really wicked personality. He's really sexual about all, he's all about controling the other throught power, physical or sexual.

Doomcat: she's black cause i wanted to. She has guns, ammo, and dynamite cause she has to blow up things, only cause she can or maybe not doing so, cause she also can choose not to... but explosions are fun!.

Vulpidash: She's red, orange and yellow cause those are the colors of fire!. And Fire is strenght, and she have to be strong to be the best warrior in the world. She has a hakama, a keikogi and a shinai, cause those are the things i use to combat. She's kinda my spirit for combat, allways want to be strong, allways foward, never back, never weak.

What is your fursona's personality and how does this compare to your irl personality?

Maia: She's allways happy and fun loving, allways a good friend ready to listen. She's a bit inocent and trusty...
I'm not allways happy, i have times of destruction... self or others. I'm a bit inocent and trusty, like her, i have her flaws...

Edgard: He's evil, he doesn't care about nobody but himself. He wants control, absolute control about everything. But he's also strong, and very powerful, and a real devil in bed... he has that old devil personality.
I can be as bad as he's. But i don't hunger for control, i hate control... over me and over others. I would like to be as powerful and confident as he's.

Doomcat: FUCK EVERYTHING!!
Well, he's kinda like that, haha. When i'm mad i can be really like he... but not always, it's hard to have that actitude all the time...

Vulpidash: She is strong, and confident to battle. She doesn't doubt about her strength, she know she can always do it.
Well, luckly i'm turning quite like her. I'm more confident when i fight that i use to be...

What is one item your fursona owns that is significant to you irl?

Maia: her bandana and her dices, i love those and i allways cary them with me.

Edgard: he has his own items, he doesn't need nothing from me...

Doomcat: her boots, to kick things. I love my kicking boots, they have metal on them!.

Vulpidash: My Shinai, my sword.

What is one thing you thing you would say to your fursona if you could meet?

Maia: We would hug each other

Edgard: You evil, how could you!.

Doomcat: FUCK YOU!!

Vulpidash: sutemi (it means to give yourself completly to an atack).

What is one thing your fursona would say to you if you could meet?

Maia: We would hug each other

Edgard: come here, you know you want to...

Doomcat: FUCK YOU!

Vulpidash: Be strong.

How has your fursona changed over the years?

Only aded more furzonas, not changes to the original.

How long have you had this fursona?

I don't know, like 2 years Maia, year and a half Edgard, Doomcat was always in me (cat or punk) and vulpidash about 8 or 9 months.

Would you like to be more like your fursona?

Maybe, that depends, they are diferents parts of me. A way for me to put a face on my emotions, they are me, they are my game...

Ok now tag three other people you would like to learn about!

Las cosas tienen una capacidad increible para cambiar de forma y significado ante mis ojos. Aquello que una vez era hermoso, ahora es vacio o incluso doloroso.

Me siento un hombrelobo, una bestia salvaje y cambiante.

Aveces la luna me sonrie con la benevolencia de su creatividad. Otras noches me oculto bajo toda piedra, pues no soporto el peso del mundo sobre mi. Algunas otras simplemente estoy perdida en la inmensidad de mis pensamientos distantes. Hay algunas, pocas en realidad, en las que encuentro una increible iluminacion y comprendo todas las verdades en pocas horas. Y estan tambien las muchas noches en las que con mi furia destruyo todo lo que amo...

Hoy, no se, estoy asustada... y el miedo me ha entregado furia...
Furia que aquel que amo va a tener que soportar, pues es el quien me ha entregado el miedo con el que la he creado...

Lo que una vez fue un sentimiento de amor confundido, ahora es un sentimiento de furia reprimida por los recuerdos. Lo que alguna vez me dio mariposas en el estomago hoy me reprime...

Sumo al final la cancion que se sentia como el himno de todos mis amores, y ahora solo es un recuerdo de dolor, traiciones y llanto...

---

Things have an incredible ability to change shape and meaning to my eyes. What was once beautiful, now is empty or even painful.

I feel like a werewolf, a savage beast of fury and change.

Sometimes the moon smiles me with the benevolence of her creativity. Other nights I hide under any stone, because i can't stand the weight of the world on me. Some others nights, I am simply lost in the immensity of my distant thoughts. There are a few, very few indeed, when i have an incredible lighting and understand all the truths in a few hours. And this too many nights where my fury destroy everything that I love ...

Today, I don't know, I am afraid ... And fear has given me fury ...
Fury that the one I love is going to have to endure, cause it is he who has given me the fear with which I created that fury...

What was once a feeling of love confused, now is a sense of suppressed fury by the memories. What once gave me butterflies in the stomach today suppress me ...

I add at the end the song that felt like the anthem of all my loves, and now is only a memory of pain, betrayal and cry ...

******************************

I have a problem that I can not explain
I have no reason why it should've been so plain
I have no questions but i sure have excuse
I lack the reason why I should be so confused
I know, how I feel when i'm around you
I don't know, how I feel when i'm around you

Around You...

Left a message, but it ain't a bit of use
I have some pictures but what might be the deuce
Today you saw, you saw me, you explained
playing the show when running down the plane

I know, how I feel when I'm around you
I don't know, how I feel when i'm around you
I, I know, how I feel when i'm around you
I, don't know, how i feel when i'm around you

Around you...

I, I know, how I feel when i'm around you
I, don't know, how I feel when i'm around you
I, I know, how I feel when I'm around you
I, don't know, how I feel when I'm around you...

Around you...
Around you...
Around you...
Around you...

Well, i have been uploading some poems and histories. I'm sorry for all the people who don't understand spanish, but i can't write to good in english as you may see.

Bueno gente, varias cosas, historias, ideas y pensamientos he estado subiendo. Disfrutenlos!

Estoy trabajando en un obra, tengo el papel principal y eso me hace muy feliz. Pero los ensayos se estan volviendo un calvario, entre que cada 3 minutos surge un problema entre la directora, los demas actores y el autor y que se me esta tirando demasiado peso de la obra. Encima, por si fuera poco, los otros actores hablan mal de mi a mis espaldas y hay 5 personas esperando que yo falle para quedarse con mi papel. Las ganas de trabajar se me estan llendo.
Yo pongo todo mi esfuerzo, mis ganas y mi fuerza para hacer salir adelante la obra. Pero a cada paso se me esta deteniendo con mas presiones.


Igual yo se que hago las cosas bien, y se como estoy trabajando. Asi que ahi voy, kamae, tranquilidad y a seguir trabajando como se debe.

---

I'm working on a play, i have the main rol and i'm really happy about it. But the rehersals are killing me, every 3 minutes a problems always comes out betwen the director, the author and the other actors and they are also putting to much weight on my. Also i been told that the other actors are talking behind my back and that there are 5 more people waiting for me to quit to get my ro. All that makes me quit.
I put all my effort to do it right. But in every step of the way they are stopping me with more and more pressure.

But i know that what i do is right, so here i go, kamae, to keep working as good as i'm doing it so far...

you know the drill. picked from muzz muzz =]
(+) Like it; more +'s more liked (max of 4)
(-) Don't like it; more -'s more disliked (max of 3) [note: 3 is sometimes not enough]
(o) Don't really mind either way
(?) Don't know what this is

Anal (+)
Oral (+++)
Breast (+++)
Breast Expansion (o)
Bondage (++++)
Clothing (+++)
Leather (+++)
Latex (++)
Stockings (+)
Gloves (++)
Shoe/Boots (++++)
Muscle Male (+++)
Muscle Female (--)
Herm (i don't understand this one)
Fur (+++)
Scalie (+++)
Babyfur (----)
Transformation (i don't understand what this means exactly)
Macro (++)
Micro (o)
Impregnation (---)
Mpregnation (i don't understand what this means exactly)
Pregnancy (---)
Lactation (--)
Vore (++)
Paw (++++)
Foot (o)
Suit and Tie (++)
Fursuiting (----)
Crossdressing (-)
Masking (++)
Incest (o)
Yuri (F/F) (o)
Yaoi (M/M) (+++)
Sissy Boy (-)
Mind Control (+++)
Rape (+++)
Uniform (++++)
Orgy (++++)
Subbing (++++)
Domming (++)
Biting (++)
Solo Masturbation females: (++++) males: (-)
Water (++)
Watersports (++)
Scat (----)
Inflation (---)
Fat/Pudge (---)
Merging (i don't understand what this means exactly)
cock vore (+ jajajaja)
Unbirthing (+)
Hard vore (---)
Gender shifting (+++)
Tentacles (++)
Anthro (++)
Nonanthro (????)
Demons (++++)
Angels (++++)
Mythical creatures (++++)
Plausable creatures (++)
Taurs (i don't understand what this means exactly)
Non-furs (o)
Amputee (---)
Blood (++++)
Spanking (++++)

Well, i think that's all, i like the vore a bit... I like to scratch to...

Well, the cuestion "what i am?" has been in my mind many times in this hard times.
Finally I came out with an answer:
"You are what you make of yourself".
I'm the decision that i made, including staying with Leon, not going back to my former life, all the things that once make me ask myself what i'm, are the things that makes me be me.

Bueno, a ver si asi lo puedo hacer mas claro:
Todos estos dias me he estado preguntando si lo que estoy haciendo es realmente lo que soy.
Al final, llegue a una respuesta:
"eres lo que te haces"
Soy todas las decisiones que tomo, incluyendo estar con Leon, no volver a mi antigua forma de vida, o sea, todas las cosas que me hicieron preguntarme "que soy?" son las que me hacen ser yo.

En definitiva estoy mas segura de las cosas...

Ah, y Leon tambien, tengo un cepillo de dientes en su casa, jajaja...