I will be at Sonic Neon Summit, a new Sonic the Hedgehog convention held in Reno, Nevada this June. It's got the same venue, and some of the same staff, as Biggest Little Fur Con.

I've been a Sonic fan since childhood, and this is the first time I've had the opportunity to attend something like this. Thanks to  lucasvn for informing me that the con even existed, and helping to make the trip possible.

If this sounds like something that might be up your alley, keep an eye on https://sonicneon.org/

Anyone out there going?

-Furlandia is my hometown con. I've been attending since its inception in 2013 (with two years as a volunteer). The convention has a long history of alienating its staff and attendees, but the current staff are working hard to repair Furlandia's reputation and build a healthy community. The con rose from the ashes of COVID and grew exponentially over the past few years. It's amazing to see.

-We had a record-breaking 2700+ people crammed into a venue not built for it, which was a headache. To go anywhere or do anything, we had to stand in long lines, elbow our way through crowds, and/or cram into spaces like sardines. It was a fire marshal's nightmare. Thankfully, this was our final year at the Sheraton airport hotel—the end of an era. Next year we'll be at the Hyatt Regency Portland by the convention center, which is bigger, better, more accessible, and closer to the heart of the city.

-I was too frazzled to do much on Friday and too tired to do much on Sunday. Saturday was when I hit my stride. Highlights for me included the sketchbook swap, the fursuit parade, the unofficial skunk-furry gathering, the Poketubers panel, the Dealer's Den, and just generally fursuiting and hanging out.

-Shortly before the con, I realized that I'd gained too much weight to wear Clopan 2.0. And even if I COULD squeeze into the bodysuit, I no longer have the stamina to perform in him. (Three years of constant depression-eating and napping will do that.) I took that as a wake-up call to be more active.
I vibe more with Lullaby and Summer these days, but it was disappointing not to be able to wear Clopan. I hope to get fitter over the next year, so I can get the most out of my costumes and events.

-Furlandia culminated in a reveal of the theme and artwork for next year: "The Furry Wild West." The poster art was clearly AI-generated. When called out on it, staff attributed the art to an anonymous "employee at the hotel," quietly took it down, and refused to elaborate further. Word on the street says the in-house art team was PISSED. My educated guess is that the new hotel really DID gift Furlandia with some AI-generated art. They probably thought they were making a nice gesture. The new chair, being a baby boomer, didn't have the trained eye to recognize AI art when he saw it. Neither did the two people who supposedly "verified" the image. Instead of running the promotional art past their team, they kept it a secret for the sake of a dramatic "reveal," and here we are. I know the chair personally and I think his heart was in the right place; this was just an unfortunate lapse of judgment.

-Overall, it felt like a full, positive experience. It's exciting to see what the future holds for this con.

I'll be at my hometown con, Furlandia, in Portland, OR over labor-day weekend (May 23-25). I plan to stay in the main hotel and bring two suits: Clopan 2.0 (https://www.furaffinity.net/view/57784282/) as a "showpiece" fullsuit, and Lullaby (https://www.furaffinity.net/view/54966216/) as a more casual partial suit. To fit the time travel theme, Clopan will probably be in Ren Faire garb, and Lullaby will be in a late-80's neon outfit.

As usual, I'm playing it pretty loose. Hoping to make the Animorphs Meet-up, Fursuit Acting panel, and/or Sketchbook Swap on Friday; the fursuit parade, Trading Post, and Poketubers panels on Saturday; and the "Goth, Punk & Metal" and Improv panels Sunday afternoon. 

See you there?

This past February my husband and I staffed Get Out the Float, a small inflatables-themed furry convention held in Seaside, OR.

We got off to a pretty rough start. The universe threw every possible logistical SNAFU at us, including an ice storm that delayed or prevented some staff and attendees from coming. I started on-site work for the con on Tuesday, and it felt like things didn’t even begin to settle into a groove until Friday.

Despite the chaos and headache, ultimately things went well. 95% of my fellow staff were kind and helpful, and I genuinely felt like a welcome and respected part of the team—far more than I did when volunteering at other cons. I have a newfound respect for just how much hard work goes into planning and executing a convention.

Despite working my tail off, I had a better time than I did in 2024. I participated in events I had previously missed out on (like the fursuit parade and pool party), and got to draw doodles for charity donations while in fursuit.

Get Out the Float is continuously striving to grow and improve. It has a unique, intimate feel and offers things you won’t find at other cons. Even as someone with no particular interest in inflatables, I encourage anyone interested to check it out.

GOTF 2026 is scheduled for Feb. 12-15 (President’s Day/Valentines Day weekend): https://getoutthefloat.com

I will be staffing Get Out the Float, a small, friendly, inflatables-themed furry con held in Seaside, Oregon, Feb. 6-9 2025. In recent years G.O.T.F. has grown from a large furmeet to a small convention. It has a unique vibe— it's held in the middle of a small, very walkable beach town with lots of tourist traps and funky little restaurants and shops. It's got bouncy castles, an all-day swimming pool party with huge elaborate pool toys, and a public fursuit parade right down the main drag, culminating in fursuiters riding a carousel at the mall.

Even if you have no particular interest in inflatables (I myself don't, outside of nostalgia and whimsy), I would recommend checking out it out: https://getoutthefloat.com/

THE GOOD
Furlandia was great. Much better than the previous two years, which had an anemic "Still recovering from the pandemic" feel. We nearly doubled our attendance, so the event was crowded but lively. The energy and enthusiasm were contagious. I anticipated having to chaperone my friend's kid, but they didn't attend. This gave me a lot less stress and a lot more flexibility.

I felt like I was able to connect with people, both as myself and as my character. People really liked my "space skunk" suit (https://www.furaffinity.net/view/56818712/ and https://www.furaffinity.net/view/56877216/) which was a great little dopamine spike. I enjoyed catching up with old friends/acquaintances and meeting new ones. I attended a (laid back and fun) room party, which is unusual for me. I got some cool art and got to go on a side-quest to meet a pet skunk. Overall it was a positive and affirming experience.

THE MEH
That said, I feel like I want to dial way back on the time and energy I expend on the furry fandom. I'm fortunate to live in a city with a growing and thriving post-pandemic furry scene, but I just can't muster the same enthusiasm for furmeets that I can for a con. Online furry chat groups just feel like a stream of constant noise that I can't contribute to in a meaningful way. A 24-7 party where I'm just a wallflower.

I'm burnt out on furry art, including fursuits. I've looked at SO MUCH of it for the past 20 years that I've grown numb to it. If anthro art provokes ANY emotional reaction in me at all, it's usually negative. It makes me feel shame about my body, or about my failure to achieve artistic potential. Porn is repulsive. Certain genres of fetish/kink art that I once enjoyed are now triggering, because of my horrific experiences in those communities.

The furry fandom in general isn't fun and makes me feel alienated. It's hard to tell if it's from depression, anhedonia, burnout, trauma, or me just finally getting older and outgrowing it. Usually when folks outgrow the fandom, they find some other "thing" that they gravitate towards, but I haven't found that "thing" yet. My mental health is poor, my "support network" keeps eroding, and life in general feels bleak and gray. I struggle to form and maintain relationships. I cut the person who was my muse out of my life because that relationship was doing more harm than good, but now I'm barely able to draw, write, or create. I don't have that Vincent Van Gogh/Sylvia Plath/Kurt Kobain thing where you can be mired in depression and squeeze beautiful, impactful art out of it. Or any art.

I've put most of my social and creative energy into the fandom for the past 15 years, and feel like I failed to develop a clear identity and purpose outside of it.
I'm not leaving, but I think I need to redirect some of my limited energy elsewhere.

Opinions and experiences are my own. Your mileage may vary.

Snapchat:
This app gamifies interpersonal relationships. It uses cutesy emojis to show reciprocation and interest (or lack thereof). If you’re “lucky” enough to see screenshots of your friends’ Snapchats, then you get to see exactly where you rank in comparison to their other friends. And you get to see how they have mile-long streaks with other people and not with you. What a treat!
That shit was extremely harmful to my mental health.

Snapchat’s signature “thing” is the ephemeral nature of pictures and messages, which is annoying and impractical in most contexts.
Rating: 0 out of 10

TikTok:
Pros: Kept me sane during the height of the pandemic. I had a blast making and sharing short-form videos, some of which I’m still proud of to this day. Good for dumb entertainment.

Cons: Largely populated by children and people who act like children. Bad for getting/sharing actual information.
Oh no. Oh no. Oh no no no no no.
Rating: 4 out of 10

Instagram:
Vapid and shallow. I hate how you can’t upload pictures via desktop computer, copy/paste text from image descriptions, post clickable links, or download photos without using weird workarounds. I hate how hashtags are practically useless on there now, and it’s almost impossible to discover small creators unless they’re using rare, niche hashtags.

People there do seem a lot more chill, and a lot less combative, than Twitter. I like how Instagram is centered around sharing your OWN content (instead of regurgitating other people’s posts, which is largely what Twitter, Tumblr and Facebook are about). People seem to enjoy the fursuiting/art content I share there, even if they don’t say much. It feels like ALL my characters have some kind of audience there, as opposed to Twitter where people are solely interested in Lullaby.
Rating: 5 out of 10

Twitter:
Hostile, toxic, deeply immature, and no room for nuance or shades of gray in any discussion. Carries with it the constant threat that you’ll be publicly humiliated and torn apart by a mob of strangers for some small thing you said out of context.
I can’t say I’m adding much of value to the platform, because I mostly use it for shitposting, trauma-dumping, and whiny, self-deprecating jokes.
Ranking: 3 out of 10

Tumblr:
There is a very specific type of person who thrives on that website, and I’m not it. You can keep your skrunkly scrimbos, your tumblr sexymen, your ship wars, and your A.U.s.
Each time I go on Tumblr, I age about five years.
Ranking: 2.5 out of 10

Facebook:
Used to be fun. Used to be useful for keeping my finger on the pulse of the local furry community. Now mostly feels like a dystopian retirement home full of ads and AI slop.
Ranking: 2 out of 10

Discord:
Clunky, claustrophobic user interface.
Countless insular communities that you can’t anonymously lurk in, and have to either pay or charm your way into. Gives an uneasy, chronic sense of F.O.M.O.; a sense that you’re missing out on something important if you don’t monitor the activity of a dozen separate servers 24/7. Hard to search and index stuff. Niche communities and subcultures moving their main operations from forums to Discord is a huge loss and a huge step in the wrong direction.
As far as my personal experiences go: I have spent my life savings, and countless hours hysterically sobbing in therapists’ offices, trying to heal from the trauma caused by the “friends” and “warm, welcoming communities” that I encountered on Discord. I get visceral, full-body shudders just from hearing the name of the app or seeing screenshots of it.
Ranking: -1000 out of 10

Telegram:
Like Discord, but even more disorganized, with the added “bonus” of read receipts, which I hate.
Ranking: “Ugh” out of 10

Mastodon:
Masto-what now?

-I will be at Furlandia (Portland, OR, May 24-26).
-I will most likely be running around in Lullaby (the purple skunk suit). Clopan's a classic and Summer's dear to my heart, but Lullaby's celestial motif fits the con's "Space" theme the best and she looks cute in an astronaut suit.
-I don't have any specific plans outside of participating in the fashion show.
-I will most likely be handling/supervising a newbie teen fursuiter, trying to keep him safe and entertained. This is bittersweet for me because I've watched him grow up, and his family are longtime close friends who will be moving away shortly after the event. It's sort of a "last hurrah."

I'm feeling pretty disconnected from the furry fandom lately. Maybe watching a youngster discover the scene for himself will help me see things with fresh eyes again. Furlandia's the kind of con where you often have to make your own fun, especially on a Sunday. Feel free to say Hi, grab a photo, etc. Just be respectful.

From late 2020 to mid-2022 I had a close online friend/RP partner. I quickly developed an obsession with said friend, accompanied by romantic feelings and a debilitating, all-encompassing desire to have those feelings reciprocated. I am married and monogamous so that is not Ok. I came to realize that our “platonic friendship” was an emotional affair, and that my feelings for him were a type of obsessive romantic delusion called Limerence.

So I was a married woman, pining 24/7 for the attentions and love of another man. I could not express or act on my feelings. My friend frequently and unintentionally said and did things that deeply hurt me (like openly ogle other women in front of me). Every conversation with him was a trigger minefield. I was absolutely overwhelmed with shame, guilt, self-loathing, frustration, resentment and despair.

I abruptly went No Contact with him in July 2022, citing “mental health issues” and “needing an internet break.”

Since then, I have been mired in despair and heartbreak, trying to mend the damage I did to my marriage and psyche. I am still deeply grieving the loss of a “love” that mostly happened in my head. I am also deeply mourning the loss of a good friend and muse.

I am experiencing what is called disenfranchised grief: “A loss that's not openly acknowledged, socially mourned, or publicly supported.” Unlike a death or an actual breakup, people do not know how to respond to, or empathize with, a situation like mine. People do not give a shit about someone deeply mourning the loss of a friend or an emotional affair partner, especially a year and half after the fact. So I grieve alone.

This is also a form of ambiguous grief: “A profound sense of loss and sadness that is not associated with a death of a loved one.”Because this person is still alive, and because there were huge things left unsaid, there is no closure.

I continue to navigate a trigger minefield: Interests that I shared with my friend now feel ruined and poisoned because they remind me of painful experiences with him. I have tried hard to form new, more positive associations with these things, but haven’t been successful. So I feel like I have lost parts of myself.

I could unblock him, message him right now and lay all my cards on the table, but what good would that do? All the online advice for people in situations like mine says, “DON’T DO THAT.” It would accomplish nothing good and just re-open a Pandora’s box.

I keep trying to heal: Therapist after therapist, antidepressant after antidepressant, self-help book after self-help book. Hypnosis. EMDR. But the healing has not come. Maybe it will come in time. Maybe it never will?

The primary way that my depression manifests is anhedonia, a diminished ability (or inability) to feel pleasure.

Because my brain doesn't register a "reward" for most things, it's very difficult to focus and complete tasks.

Most people are able to seek solace and relief from the difficulties of life through socializing, sex, TV, movies, games, or hobbies. I can't. The vast majority of the time, there is nothing I look forward to, or want to do. I just kind of exist. I have a deeply unhealthy relationship with food because it's just about the only thing that can give me a small dose of happy chemicals, but those pleasures are fleeting and shallow.

After some extremely painful life events that occurred between 2020-2022 (which I have spoken about here before), life looks and feels bleaker than ever. I look at my sweet new puppy, and feel nothing. I look at the new custom fursuit of Summer that I've wanted since I was a teen, and feel nothing.

If your life has been like this: How did you get out of it?

Cross-posting this from my alt-account  clopandelarue, where I post fursuit photos and commissions people do for me.

(TL;DR, I like fursuits with moving jaws. It’s hard to commission a moving jaw fursuit these days, for various reasons. If you’re in the market for one, I highly recommend  beastcub)

I have this weird fascination with fursuits with moving jaws. I think they were a big trend in fursuit making 10-15 years ago, but they’re not commonly demanded or offered anymore. Most fursuit makers dismissed them as a gimmick and stopped even TRYING to build them. It’s a shame, because I think hinged jaws REALLY add to the performance and “Wow factor” of a suit. The ONE thing all furry characters have in common is that they’re animals with the power of speech, so you’d think there’d be more demand for fursuits with the ability to “talk.”

I think moving jaws on fursuits fell by the wayside for two reasons:
1) It’s tricky to build sturdy, articulated jaws that work well and look good. Most fursuit makers just feel it’s more trouble than it’s worth, especially on a foam head base.
2) The norms of fursuit “performance” changed. A decade or two ago, fursuiters placed a large emphasis on “maintaining the magic” and trying to portray a character through immersive performance. You acted like an unpaid Disney cast member: You wouldn’t show skin, wouldn’t break character, wouldn’t take your head off in public, and wouldn’t speak unless you had an articulated jaw, because it broke the illusion of an anthropomorphic character.
Nowadays, people are WAY more casual about fursuiting. Fursuiters generally just act like they’re wearing a cool outfit, rather than portraying a character. Speaking through a static jaw has become totally normalized and expected, so nobody feels the that a moving jaw is important or necessary.

In 2018 or so, I wanted to commission a 2.0 version of my Clopan suit, and I was dead set on him having a moving jaw. I was startled to find out how few fursuit makers still offer them. It’s a short list.
If you remove the racists, predators and nutjobs, it’s even shorter.
If you remove the makers whose “moving” jaws don’t really work as advertised, it’s even shorter still. Buyer Beware: If a maker advertises moving jaws on their fursuits, but you can’t find any videos of their customers demonstrating the jaws, there’s probably a REASON for that.

I eventually landed on Beastcub as my maker for Clopan 2.0’s head, and I’m very fortunate that I got the opportunity to work with her. The suit came out wonderfully, and the hinged jaw is sensitive, expressive, and comfortable.
It works a bit differently than most maker’s hinged jaws—instead of the jaw being held closed with springs, and having you push it open with your own jaw, it works by having you bump a pad on the jaw with your chin. I find that the movement is “backwards”—if my jaw is wide open, Clopan’s is closed, and vice-versa. So it’s a little counterintuitive, but if you practice with it, you can get it to sync with your speech fairly well. I had a crazy amount of fun making TikToks with Clopan because of his ability to “lip-sync” and make expressive faces.

Do you have any thoughts on, or experiences with, fursuit moving jaws that you’d like to share?

Ten, fifteen, or twenty years ago I would have said yes, the fandom was misogynistic. A lot of the early art catered to the straight male gaze in a really objectifying way. A lot of that fell away as the fandom became a more LBGTQ+ centered space, but it just became a different flavor of “Ew, women” misogyny.

I experienced and witnessed this firsthand in the early 2010s when I and some friends were trying to establish and promote a furmeet for female-identifying people. Local event organizers called us sexist for holding such a meetup, while saying misogynistic things about female anatomy in the same breath. They posted body-shaming memes about us. It was really demoralizing for a young, newbie fur who was genuinely trying to contribute something good to the community.

I thought the fandom had grown a little more enlightened since then. I observed as the same people who once derided us and mocked females and our bodies became very outspokenly progressive. The old-boys club became champions of social justice, or at least claimed to be such.

I thought we had finally built a more inclusive fandom. I thought we, as a group, recognized that this fandom was built on the efforts of female artists and crafters.
But nowadays on Twitter, we’re in a cycle where every few months, some asshat makes a misogynistic joke and it spurs a slew of “Let’s push back against the widespread misogyny in the fandom by uplifting furry women!” posts. People act like the random guy represents a large problem in the fandom and make him and his comments into some kind of boogeyman to push back against. Often the guy isn’t even being particularly malicious, he’s just making a dumb joke in poor taste. See today’s tempest in a teapot about the cartoon of the “Boykisser” character spraying a can of “Anti-Woman Spray.”
Rinse and repeat.

Do you think there is genuinely still a widespread problem with sexism in the furry fandom in 2023? Am I naive for thinking we were out of the woods?

I'm attending Biggest Little Fur Con in Reno, NV for the first time this Halloween. I'll be with my husband  atrayu and platonic other half  coffeehousedog, whom I haven't seen since 2020. I'm hoping to debut a new fursuit of Summer, my echidna fursona, made by  lizardlovesmustachecostumes. If she's not ready, I'll be there as Lullaby. Feel free to reach out to me here or on Telegram (@Clopan) if you'll be there and want to say Hi.

I've used "Door Into Summer" as an online handle since 1999 or so. It's the name of a music track from Knuckles' Chaotix, although it's also a Monkees song I like and a sci-fi novel I haven't read. The names of my social media accounts are all over the place right now, and I'm considering a soft rebrand into just being "Door Into Summer" everywhere for some cohesion.

My question is, if my fursona is named Summer, and my artist handle is "Door Into Summer," does it sound like some dumb risque joke?

I'm experimenting with reviving my tumblr after a ten year hiatus. There's not much there that you can't already see here. Right now I'm mostly just drip-feeding it my old art and reblogging art that other people drew of my characters. If you like the platform, please consider following me there and I'll follow you back.

https://www.tumblr.com/summermcguire

I generally only to feel motivated to draw other people's characters, not my own. If you want to see more of my characters for some reason, head over to  clopandelarue where I post art that I've commissioned, fursuit pics and whatnot.

Limerence is a condition where you become involuntarily obsessed with another person and emotionally dependent on them. It has similarities to, but is NOT the same thing as:
-Love addiction
-Codependency
-Relationship-Centered Obsessive-compulsive disorder
-The “favorite person” relationship in people with Borderline Personality Disorder

Generally it presents as an all-consuming infatuation with a person who is not an available/appropriate romantic partner. You create an elaborate, idealized fantasy of that person and put them on a pedestal. Life becomes all about reading their signals, seeking signs of interest and reciprocation. Self-care and other important relationships go on the back burner as emotional reciprocation from the other person (the “limerent object”) becomes top priority.

Limerence is a maladaptive coping mechanism that usually arises in people with depression, trauma, active imaginations and unmet needs. The limerent object seems like a godsend, an answer to all problems.

When suffering from limerence, you ride an emotional roller coaster. You are euphoric when the limerent object shows interest in you. You fall into despair when they withdraw from you or show interest in other people.

You pine, and you yearn, feeling that this other person is the answer to the void within yourself. You think and act irrationally. You hurt and ignore people you love. You become a twisted version of yourself that you don’t even recognize. You feel profoundly isolated, because you cannot be honest about how you feel. You feel like you’re losing your mind.

When you realize you’re limerent and seek help, you find some demoralizing and scary things: Hardly anyone, even mental health professionals, knows or understands what limerence is. The term wasn’t even coined until the 1980’s, and it’s not in the DSM. Of the “experts” that do understand limerence, nine out of ten will tell you to go No Contact with the limerent object, permanently. (Or if this isn’t a possibility, to maintain an extremely surface-level, business-only relationship). They’ll tell you you can never go back to being “just friends” with that person again. Their philosophy is to treat the problem like a drug addiction, rather than a situation between two living, breathing people.
It’s one thing to disentangle yourself from a narcissist (which many limerent objects are). It’s another to have to cut ties with a genuinely good person for your own good—to lose a dear friend because of a monster in your head that you can’t control.

I am recovering from a two year limerent episode that cost me my muse and one of my best friends. I still cry often and mourn that loss. I’m very fortunate that my husband has remained understanding, loving, and loyally by my side through all of this.

I’d be lying if I said I was happy, or doing better. This experience did untold damage to my self-esteem and my ability to enjoy things I once loved. I feel like my relationship to art, writing, kink, my own characters, and my own body have all been damaged because of the particular experiences I shared with my limerent object. I’m still a raw nerve. Even now, almost a year of No Contact and therapy later, I struggle terribly. And somewhere out there, my friend is probably just happily living his life, oblivious to all of this. It’s hard not to feel resentful and angry.

But limerence is not the core problem. It was a maladaptive coping mechanism. My job is to identify and work on my underlying issues, and heal.

But it’s slow going.

—————-

If you or someone you love is struggling with limerence, the following resources might be helpful:

http://livingwithlimerence.com
Crappy Childhood Fairy on YouTube:
https://youtube.com/@CrappyChildhoodFairy
Self-Compassion Channel on YouTube: https://youtube.com/@self-compassionchannel-fenna
The.Limo.Life on Instagram:
https://instagram.com/the.limo.life.....c4MTIwNjQ2YQ==

https://www.kickstarter.com/project.....pin-collection
Please check out, and consider backing, this series of endearing dragon/snack pin designs by my friend  coffeehousedog!

I don’t even have any royal characters. There’s just something about forlorn, misty-eyed princesses in sumptuous ballgowns, living in enchanted ivy-twined castles that my inner child likes. Show me more of that stuff.

I love the IDEA of roleplaying. It's an exciting collaborative storytelling exercise that helps me flex my creative muscles. It helps me feel more connected to my characters, and to other people. But in practice, every single time I try getting back into roleplay, I get burnt out and terribly distressed.

I seem to have trouble controlling my emotions surrounding RPs. I have a pattern of becoming extremely emotionally attached to the story/characters and developing toxic, codependent, problematic relationships with my primary RP partners. If they're wish-fulfillment stories, they just shine a light on my own unmet needs and make my life look and feel shitty. So in my mind, roleplay is closely linked to severe emotional pain. Now that I've set aside those stories and those relationships, I have trouble accessing the creative writing part of my brain. It's as if I shut it off to protect myself from getting hurt again.

It's a shame, because some of the best writing I've done in my life is buried within private RPs that can never again see the light of day. Clopan, in particular, really found his heart, soul, and voice within RPs that I wrote in 2020-2021. I only hope that I can glean some of that and put it into other projects, so it wasn't just a gigantic, painful waste of time.

Clopan de la Rue:
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/26076237/

An aspiring goat actor from humble origins. He has a kind courageous heart, romantic spirit, and lots of joie de vivre.
My main character/fursona from 2013-2023 or so. An idealized, flamboyant, extroverted, opposite-gender version of myself. Basically a “drag persona.”

I have two great fursuits, lots of art, several social media accounts and lots of happy memories attached to this character. A lot of people in the fandom know me as him.

After a decade in the spotlight, Clopan has grown a little stale for me and has accumulated some negative emotional baggage. I’m not getting rid of him, but Summer, Lullaby and various supporting characters resonate more with me at the moment.

With Clopan I am exploring and expressing:
-My masculine, social side.
-Interest in performing arts/theater/costuming/spectacle/festivals.
-Period/historical/European storybook themes.
-Interest in “The Hunchback of Notre Dame” (he is inspired by Clopin, Djali and Gringoire).
-The idea of putting on and taking off personas and “masks.”
-The idea of resourcefulness, resilience, and doing a lot with a little.

Summer McGuire:
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/40610194/

A soft-spoken, scholarly echidna whose mousy mannerisms belie her physical strength and intense, indefatigable nature.
My main character/fursona from 1999-2013. If you met me prior to 2014 or so, you probably know me as “Summer.”
A fluid, malleable, deeply personal character whose design, personality and backstory have changed many times to match my changing tastes and personal growth.
In 2023 I’m having a fursuit of her built, and shifting toward embracing her as my main fursona again. I’ve missed her.

With the current version of Summer I am exploring and expressing:
-My quieter, more repressed, more solitary side.
-My history as a tireless, diligent student and bookworm.
-Dark academia themes and aesthetics.
- My own wounded inner child and feelings of alienation, inadequacy, and ugliness.
-Finding inner strength.
-Curiosity about the world and people, and a desire to learn and explore.
-Nostalgia for Sonic the Hedgehog and specifically Knuckles (she started as a Sonic fan character).

Lullaby:
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/43139842/

A sweet, fun-loving 1980’s skunk who snoozes by day and apprentices as a magical “Sandman” by night. She brings sweet dreams and rest, befriends insomniacs, and drags them around on her nocturnal adventures. Eventually she grows to battle the dark forces that that bring nightmares, chaos and discord.

Lullaby is arguably a tertiary fursona. She’s an alter-ego, fursuit character and beloved OC but I don’t identify as closely with her as I do Clopan or Summer. She’s more of an idealized best friend than a representation of myself.

With Lullaby I am exploring and expressing:
-1980’s/early 1990’s nostalgia.
Vaporwave/Outrun/Synthwave/Sleepycore themes and aesthetics.
-Fatigue, insomnia, and being a night owl.
-Desires to nurture/help/comfort other people, and a desire to be nurtured and comforted.

Lullaby has a supporting cast of newer characters that are gradually taking shape:
-Somnus, “the Sandman,” Lullaby’s mentor. An older male sloth. A California surfer dude type, peaceful and zen.
-Bump, “the Boogieman,” Lullaby’s arch-rival. A young male Tasmanian devil. An angry, cynical, alienated, 90’s-grunge type.
-Shudder, “the tickle monster,” Bump’s best friend and foil. Originally inspired by the Mahaha of Inuit folklore. A 1970’s counter culture type. Smiling, laughing, and jovial but mischievous and unpredictable in a cartoonishly menacing way. Monsters like Shudder and Bump are agents of chaos and unrest that “Sandmen” like Somnus and Lullaby keep at bay.

Addendum:
There’s another potential quaternary fursona/antagonist to Lullaby taking root in my mind and that’s Fleur, another female skunk. Fleur is a 2000’s, Y2K/Mcbling-inspired “Mean girl” with a smell as toxic as her personality. She’s like a living incarnation of the Y2K bug in that technology just mysteriously malfunctions around her. Because of her off-putting grossness and tendency to make machines go haywire, she may literally be some type of gremlin. She’s dumb, mean, and unabashedly trashy in a 2000’s rhinestones and Juicy Couture track suit kind of way. I think it would be hilarious fun and kind of therapeutic to embody such a character.

I have a humanoid monster character, dear to my heart, with no art or visual representation of any kind. I will probably need to do the initial concept art, but eventually might like to commission more art of him.

Let me know if you know someone who specializes in drawing stylized humanoid monsters. Bonus points if they can balance “creepy,” “funny,” and “cute.”

I turn 35 on Saturday, January 21st. As a rule I don’t announce my birthday or solicit birthday wishes or gifts, but this year and this winter has been especially dark. If you could shoot me a happy birthday wish, it would be very appreciated.

I don’t have a Ko-Fi or anything but if you’re inclined to be especially generous, you could doodle one of my characters from  clopandelarue and I’ll try to return the favor.

I think my art looks like the work of a high schooler who just discovered furries. Not someone in their thirties who's been drawing since childhood and has a Bachelor's degree in art.

Not many people know I have an art degree and are surprised to find out that I do. Probably because I don't talk about it. I don't feel that the quality of my work is the quality that it "should" be for someone with formal training.

If you want to go to school to study art, my advice is:
1) Don't
2) If you DO, laser-focus on one or two disciplines. Don't do what I did and dabble in every medium while mastering none.

Going to school for art sucked all the joy and passion out of art for me. I never really got it back. In my last few months of college and sometime afterward, I was so burned out and discouraged that I was borderline suicidal. Instead of trying to get a job in my field, I worked in food service/manufacturing jobs for years because I needed a steady paycheck. I suffered a different kind of burnout there.

I work in the sign industry now, which is at least art RELATED. I was hired to be the lead designer, but during a reorganization, I basically got demoted to a non-creative job without a pay decrease. A lot of people would be happy to have fewer responsibilities with the same pay, but it was a big blow to my self-esteem.

Art is a visual language, and like a spoken language, if you don't practice it, you will lose it. I lost my mojo and didn't really practice for years, so my skills plateaued or even regressed. Even at my PEAK, my illustrations and cartoons weren't professional quality. The anatomy is usually off. Things that should look dynamic look stiff. Things that should look three-dimensional look flat. My digital art techniques are cutting-edge...for 1999.
The most generous thing I can say about my art is I seem to be able to draw characters with cute little faces, who look endearing. That alone goes a long way in this fandom.

I come from an artistic family, so a lot of my sense of self-worth and identity is tied up in my success (or lack thereof) as an artist. I use art as a tool to try to get attention and validation, and am distraught when it doesn't work.

It all feeds into a core belief that "I am not enough," which is THE core belief feeding most of my mental health issues.

If you participated in an art trade with me recently (or agreed to do so in the near future), it means a lot to me. It means people with talent and a discriminating eye see something of value in my work.

Hopefully some artistic and personal growth is on the horizon.