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Emergency Sale!
Posted 9 months agoFebruary Survival Fund – $800 Goal
Hey everyone, I wanted to give an update on my situation. February has always been the hardest month for me emotionally, and this year has only made it more challenging. I was recently and unexpectedly fired from a job I was truly dedicated to—a job I depended on to afford moving out. That’s still my goal for the month, but now I need to find a new source of income fast.
With my ex moving out mid-February, I just need enough time to secure another job. Until then, I’m relying on freelancing, commissions, and any donations or support to make it through. My goal is to raise $800 to cover rent, bills, food, and gas so I can stay afloat while I organize my next steps.
💼 How You Can Help:
✨ Commission me for artwork here https://forms.gle/ZgL8hHsHjfa5oVeE7
💰 Donate to me through paypal https://www.paypal.com/pool/9bYfa1amuQ?sr=wccr or Ko-Fi https://ko-fi.com/slushmonkey
📢 Share this post to spread the word
Any support—whether it’s an order, a donation, or even just a kind word—means the world to me right now. Thank you for being here for me. 💙
☆･ﾟStreaming☆･ﾟ
Posted 10 months agohttps://picarto.tv/DeexyKong
Selling Headshots to make money. $30 bucks each. DM me to claim a slot.
Selling Headshots to make money. $30 bucks each. DM me to claim a slot.
☆･ﾟStreaming☆･ﾟ
Posted a year agoStreaming over at
https://picarto.tv/DeexyKong
https://picarto.tv/DeexyKong
https://picarto.tv/DeexyKong
Come say hi! Maybe pick up a commission done today in stream!
https://picarto.tv/DeexyKong
https://picarto.tv/DeexyKong
https://picarto.tv/DeexyKong
Come say hi! Maybe pick up a commission done today in stream!
7 month Update
Posted a year agoWell, I moved back in with Drake to help provide transportation for his job, to get my job which I've just quit. Idiot a reckless move on my part but it was just ADHD snap time. I ran. I have a terrible pattern of this which only gets worse with every job I ever try to keep. I just snap so quickly and I usually always regret it. I just can’t keep it.. Swallowing shit for a paycheck.
I can't justify the hole I'm still in but I am still trying to escape. I took that time and did as much mental reflection as I could. Months of cleaning and listening to hours of podcasts of self-help. I did learn what I could, questioned what I truly wanted, what’s my goal, what’s my purpose, am I happy, how can I change, and it all comes down to.. I want to live my life. I did come back to help and was fine for a few months. And then weeks of anxiety and just general shitty management exploded on me during a terrible meeting. Every person in my life has listened to this really long saga about charging machines, saying no, and taking shits. "Dee, I'm glad you chose you and left."
On a positive note..
I did finally sit down and start planning my thoughts into actions. I'm interested in taking commissions for a steady fall back until I can get back on my feet and I was encouraged to check out how much work I can get done in two hours.
So if you're interested in finding out that out with me, why don't you come check my stream out tonight, or please note me with your interest.
I will need a
+ Character's ref
+ Idea for character's posing/mood/theme
+ $50 bucks
Paypal or CashApp.
There are plans for streaming until I get back on my feet, which are live on Twitch as SFW content. I still might figure out to do NSFW streams as a reward for anyone who wants to support me a bit more. I will start uploading when I finish my projects. I want to set up a Patreon as well for a couple of perks. I have a discord to dust off with the intent of using it for a supportive friendly environment. I do want to workshop and make snippets about the dating video game I've been talking about eventually making. I am interested in making puppets for conventions. I will push myself and develop into a stronger artist and not give up but adapt. I bet. I could get what I want in this life if I put the work back into loving art. And posting more consistently.
I'm happy if you read this. I will check back in soon.
Well, that sucks.
Posted 2 years agoEy, it's been a while, but a lot has happened in the span of 3 weeks. So I cobbled together this update, and I just really hope it's a doable thing.
Dear Reader,
I hope your year is going well, although I've just suffered a loss in my small family. For those who don't know I was dating 
DrakeKnight94 for around 5 years before we broke up last month and I moved out. I still consider him family and of course, his father whom we lived with. Drake's father was always struggling with his health while we did our best to support him through multiple hospital visits, ambulances, car wrecks, etc. We were there for all of it. Together. Even when his father's liver basically shut down which led to his at-home hospice care.
I had to be there, for us.
We saw this coming, but we couldn't change this stubborn man's self-trajectory. And we were powerless to watch him die over the course of this week, Drake and I really had to support each other. Our loss has not only left a void in our hearts but has also brought a ton of financial burden, as we now find ourselves in the midst of dealing with funeral expenses, unpaid medical bills, and the pressing need to relocate due to circumstances beyond our control.
I wouldn't reach out if I weren't truly in desperate need, but my circumstances have left me with little choice. I am going to attempt to ask for support with donations. Any contribution, no matter how small, will be greatly appreciated and will go directly towards helping me honor Brian's memory by settling these financial burdens and allowing us to find a new chapter in our lives.
If you find it in your heart to assist me during this difficult period, you can make a donation through My Paypal or contact me directly at deexykong@gmail.com. As an incentive to raise the amount of $2,000, both 
Kittehmei and I will be offering simple sketches for any donation that amounts to a value of $30 or more. If you'd like to receive a sketch, just screenshot proof of your donation and email me directly at deexykong@gmail.com. To define sketch, we do mean quick undefined lines with no to minimal coloring digital drawing of the character info (*MUST FOLLOW BOTH ARTISTS TOS*) you include in your email. We will both do our best to keep up with this incentive, but please keep in mind that we are human, let us know if you have a date in mind. And of course, we will maintain communication. The turnaround time will vary depending on both of our lives, but I'm committed to cranking out sketches ASAP, usually the day of. I will be doing my best to get a day job as well to work towards helping, but the timing couldn't have been worse. Your kindness and support will not only alleviate our immediate financial stress but also serve as a reminder of the compassion and generosity of friends and family during times of adversity.
Thank you for taking the time to read my plea and consider offering your support. Your assistance will not only help us during this painful period but also help us take the first steps toward healing and rebuilding our lives.
With a big monkey's heartfelt gratitude,
DeexyKong AKA Slush Monkey
*Artist's TOS *please read if you want to redeem your complimentary sketch.
https://kittehmei.carrd.co/#termsofservice
https://docs.google.com/document/d/.....it?usp=sharing
I do want to honor anyone who donates with a list of really cool people who've helped me.
Anyone who donates gets on the good list. Unless you wanna be on the naughty one. *peaks*
DrakeKnight94
Kittehmei9 month update
Posted 2 years agoJournal entry 8/29/2023
Oh wow look at the time going by, It’s been nine months since I’ve updated and I have a lot to explain. In just the past week and a half, I’ve moved in with a roommate and 2 cats. And my partner and I broke up. I’m still really supportive of him but I was becoming really detached by the end of my rope. If you’re somewhat I’d consider close friends you would remember my words and I wanted to live what I said I’d do. Even if it’s broken my life in a big piece.
I’m sorry I do want to work on my commissions but I feel the real need to get a job right now and work on commissions again. I just had to take a personal break from having another panic attack at work that made me quit on the spot. It was from the stress of having to keep someone together and myself when my own mental health was draining. I’m still really processing everything and we still talk but. I’m pretty scared. I’m pretty scared of being alone in a world that for me has shown no actual place I belong. I don’t know ever where I’ll be happy, I’m pretty sure I’ve had a depressive disorder since I was a child but..I’m so sorry to anyone whom I owe art and haven’t anteed up. The guilt has been eating me but I’m just applying for jobs right now. And I'm getting to face my fears of finishing. I wanna go back to the days where I'd work, and upload the day of.
I do want to pick up on streaming so I can at least buy food and afford my credit card bills. So if you have any kindness or are feeling generous, please hire me for art. I also have a ko-fi and I could use every bit of support I can get. Even if it’s I wish you well, give me those, please. I’m sure I’ll process this whole huge change, but until then, maybe I should do a YCH for some Halloween fun.3 month Update?
Posted 3 years agoIs that what I should name this?
⋆⋅☆⋅⋆
So basically, right now Twitter is imploding and I'm not really sure what to do when it comes to social media. I have no idea what platforms to create or maintain. I just want to occupy a space that involves a mix of furry art, fantasy art, and just art in general. I have my doubts about Deviant art, and while most of my work is more softcore than hardcore, I still would only like to be in a mature online platform. Tumblr is still dead right?
───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────
~~~~~
I have so many things I need time to do, like make my website, just reopened my discord, here's the link if you wanna join
https://discord.gg/DmpfwvYk
~~~~~
I also owe big pieces to a couple of folks, so I just want to apologize for the wait. I hope that anyone I owe art to knows and feels like I've been trying to keep the line open, if you ever need to talk to me please do. I can find time, make time. I just need to know if any of you are dissatisfied what I can do to make things feel alright.
───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────
I'm trying to do better but times are very hard for me right now. I hate it. The instability, I am wanting to move back over where I used to live, maybe somehow move somewhere up north eventually? I just can't seem to save up. It's always some shit that is a mess, I'm drowning in an absolute mess. Uhhh, so yea things have been difficult. I feel like being honest should be a standard but I feel like I really need extra help or help to get out of my situation. I mean true kindness. I'm just needing to get out of where I am. I feel like if I could just get to like an opportunity to move out and get to a new area, I'll be just fine. I can rebuild I'm just bending until I break.
Should I ?
Posted 3 years agoDo I keep uploading my commissions to this account or do I start moving them to a new FA account for commissions, merch, and possible patreon?Hi My name is doubledee,
I'm gonna show you how crazy my adult ADHD brain is and write straight from the heart. This could either go really bad or really good but I think it's time I talk about where I am in my life. If for anyone to myself and I guess to anyone who still reads these things or gives a shit about me. I guess shit is passive-aggressive microaggression but I'll keep that in there because, to be honest, that's kind of who I am now. Well for now. I think it's just been the whole situation that is my life. I'm not happy in Texas anymore. I really really want to move. Like I need to move, the dream is to go to Washington but I just wanna be anywhere that isn't specifically the same state that Ted lives in. The guns, the lack of women's healthcare, healthcare, and jobs are shit, I'm shit for living here, and honestly, there's nothing really keeping me here except my boyfriend. I have no family. That matters.
So I want to start working towards that dream. Of getting the fuck out of here. Of being an artist that can take their drawing tablet to a coffee shop or cafe, of being able to camp, go fishing, go on a hike, get eaten by a bear, some cool shit. I wanna do cool shit with my life. And it sucks that it took me my 20s to get to this conclusion. However, I've realized that I'm gonna get off my ass and brain stump and try to find some help. Because of the lack of healthcare I have, because of my mental health and physical health, I'm gonna need help. To get better. To get to that dream. Make it my own reality. But I need help. I need someone I can actually trust, that has the time, or patience to help me get a Patreon, social media, and my priorities straight. Because my partner works full time, I'm mentally incapable of lists, and I just wanna create. I just want to be the artist.
To really make it now, at least for me in my opinion. You have to work so hard to make ends meet. If you want to be a successful artist, at least my definition of a successful artist, you have to market yourself in some way to some audience to make money. I'm visually smart, but I can't describe to you how in awe I am of artists that set up their postybirds, content creating, run a social media, a Patreon, or a discord server, and make cute images, emojis, banners, advertisements, YCHS, WIPS. I have so many tabs open of things I need to do, to make a custom carrd, I have been overwhelmed. My unemployment means I have to keep paying for things, so I have to keep taking commissions when all I really want to do is take a break and not feel overwhelmed. And it hits me to my core every time I feel like a failure because I've experienced it so much in my life.
I can't imagine managing. BUT, I want to. I want to start managing my life, my artist way, but fuck. I am not complaining but if I come off that way it's just like holy shit that's a lot of laundries to do. Indeed I do have a shit ton of laundry to do and procrastination is literally my middle name now. I literally just procrastinated finishing this very important yet very meaningless journal but should I?
Do you think I can do it? Do you think I should? I owe art. I can do it, or raise money for refunds I just want a clean slate. New start. A fucking life.
EMERGENCY! GPU IS DYING! OPEN FOR COMMISSIONS!
Posted 4 years agoMy GPU is dying, artifacting has progressed quite suddenly and now the whole screens are artifacting pretty hard. What is artifacting?
Basically it means my screen are producing this https://i.imgur.com/ySSCcx8.png.
I am open for emergency commissions to cover the cost of living since I might be out of a computer to work with for a month. And of course, the money to cover the cost of the replacement GPU.
I'm currently accepting donations, even a dollar helps, I'm aiming to raise 400 dollars to cover the costs. Please consider sharing my current situation around.
My anxiety is at an all time high because I depend on my computer to make a living. I'm not the best at opening up and asking for help. I feel kinda hopless knowing that this cost is gonna just be more pressure for me to provide at the end of the month. So, please. I will do my absolute best once I get a replacement to fulfill commissions and raffle when I can.
Donation links!
🅿🅿
https://paypal.me/DeexyKong
☕
https://ko-fi.com/doubledee
Commission Form to fill out
Basically it means my screen are producing this https://i.imgur.com/ySSCcx8.png.
I am open for emergency commissions to cover the cost of living since I might be out of a computer to work with for a month. And of course, the money to cover the cost of the replacement GPU.
I'm currently accepting donations, even a dollar helps, I'm aiming to raise 400 dollars to cover the costs. Please consider sharing my current situation around.
My anxiety is at an all time high because I depend on my computer to make a living. I'm not the best at opening up and asking for help. I feel kinda hopless knowing that this cost is gonna just be more pressure for me to provide at the end of the month. So, please. I will do my absolute best once I get a replacement to fulfill commissions and raffle when I can.
Donation links!
🅿🅿
https://paypal.me/DeexyKong
☕
https://ko-fi.com/doubledee
Commission Form to fill out
Streaming! Live until Journal is removed!
Posted 4 years agohttps://picarto.tv/DeexyKong
https://picarto.tv/DeexyKong
Streaming! Open for in-stream commissions!
Colored Sketches
Busts: $30
Thigh Up: $40
Full Body: $60
─ ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─
Buy Shading
for $10
Comment in stream to claim your slot!
https://picarto.tv/DeexyKong
Streaming! Open for in-stream commissions!
Colored Sketches
Busts: $30
Thigh Up: $40
Full Body: $60
─ ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─
Buy Shading
for $10
Comment in stream to claim your slot!
Streaming!
Posted 4 years ago!!S T R E A M N O T I F I C A T I O N!
Open for instream commissions!
Prices below!
─ ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─
Colored Sketches
Busts: $30
Thigh Up: $40
Full Body: $60
─ ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─
Buy Shading
for $10
Desperate for food money! Please come say hi to me or share my stream with your friends because I definitely need the funds!
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/43203584/
https://picarto.tv/DeexyKong
Open for instream commissions!
Prices below!
─ ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─
Colored Sketches
Busts: $30
Thigh Up: $40
Full Body: $60
─ ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─
Buy Shading
for $10
Desperate for food money! Please come say hi to me or share my stream with your friends because I definitely need the funds!
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/43203584/
https://picarto.tv/DeexyKong
!!Affordable Warm Up Sketches!!
Posted 4 years ago Hello there!!
I just recently got a new job and I'm trying to raise up some funds for food and groceries to get me through my first week.
I'm pretty nervous and really need to pick up some melatonin gummies because the job is so early in the morning.
so I'm trying to raise about $80 dollars.
I'm doing $20 for uncolored Sketches
example below
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/42934403/
OR
$30 for a Colored Sketch
example below
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/42934351/
Note me if you are interested in a warm-up slot.
Please include
Your Username and email to send commission to:
Character Reference:
Uncolored or Colored
SFW or NSFW:
Any details or requests:
Please keep any requests tasteful and to my TOSThigh High Sale
Posted 4 years agoJust wanted to remind anyone who reads journals that I'm selling thigh highs at the time!
Click here if you want to check them out! >> https://www.furaffinity.net/view/42859687/ <<
Thank you for reading this Journal!
Click here if you want to check them out! >> https://www.furaffinity.net/view/42859687/ <<
Thank you for reading this Journal!
Artfight this year!
Posted 4 years agoStreaming!
Posted 4 years agoCome get your colored sketch of YOUR character over at https://picarto.tv/DeexyKong !
I would love to see ya there Selling Pride Headshots for 30 bucks!
Posted 4 years agoHello everyfurbody! I want to let everyone know for those who read journals that I'm open for headshots below, check out the post to get the form and let anyone you know that I'm open. My birthday is this month and I'd really like to make enough money to pay bills and maybe get some hot curry for my birthday meal. Times have been pretty tough where I'm at and I've been struggling to get any callbacks on my job search. I'm putting alot of faith in being shown support during these rough times. Thank you so much for reading. Please check out the post below!
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/42186772/EXPERIMENTAL FREEBIE!
Posted 4 years agoI normally don't post reminders on FA or advertise my freebies I do occasionally.
But I did want to advertise this one. Please check out the info below to enter a free experimental piece from me.
https://twitter.com/DeexyKong/statu.....90552531980289
https://twitter.com/DeexyKong/statu.....90552531980289
But I did want to advertise this one. Please check out the info below to enter a free experimental piece from me.
https://twitter.com/DeexyKong/statu.....90552531980289
https://twitter.com/DeexyKong/statu.....90552531980289
Toyhouse Characters 4 sale!
Posted 4 years agoI got some characters that need homes!!
Links below!
https://toyhou.se/DoubleDee/charact...../folder:626559
https://toyhou.se/DoubleDee/charact...../folder:626559
Links below!
https://toyhou.se/DoubleDee/charact...../folder:626559
https://toyhou.se/DoubleDee/charact...../folder:626559
Commissions open
Posted 5 years agoCommissions are open for 2 slots for this month.
This is my form if you are intersted!
https://docs.google.com/forms/d/10x....._volQvLCU/edit
This is my form if you are intersted!
https://docs.google.com/forms/d/10x....._volQvLCU/edit
Support Please!
Posted 5 years ago Heeeyoo
I know that this year has been incredibly hard for just about everyone I've met on FA. I'm also in the same boat many of us are paddling in so I've felt bad about asking for help the few times I have asked because there's like this guilt that I should be successful, I shouldn't need help, I should be able to take care of these things I have to take care of.
But the reality is, I'm still a long ways from where I want to be, and it's ok to ask for help.
Even if those who are reading don't have any spending monies or can't donate, sharing and spreading the news of my adopts, or when my commissions are open means to me a great deal because I'll be honest I'm terrible at promoting things. I have a bunch of experience selling items in person face to face and even then it's like "I can't make you buy anything I can just hope that you'll love it or like enough to buy it" . You have the power of choice all the time when it comes to who you support and how you support them.
Before I get too off on a tangent, I want to make a reminder on this journal of all my open adopts which still need homes and the money does go to my bills. If anyone has any suggestions or themes or even constructive criticism I'm open to any help I can get. But please be gentle if you do decide to be critical.
THE ADOPTABLES AVAILABLE!
~Flying Lemur~
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/39083642/
~Gorgeous Cow~
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/37800124/
~Spring Adopts~
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/34411049/
~Summer Adopts~
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/28089484/
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/27957149/
~Fresh Fruit Furries~
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/24580217/
My available characters in Toyhouse can be found right here!
https://toyhou.se/DoubleDee/charact...../folder:626559
Thank you so much if you decide to share this or even purchase a thing from me during these really difficult times before the holidays. Please take care I'll try and talk at everyone later. Also side question? Has everyone kinda moved out to a different website, maybe I should spread out on other platforms too other than twitter.
Emergency Quick Sketches!
Posted 5 years agoBasically I've been having some computer issues. I replaced the motherboard, CPU, and ram a few days ago and have been having issues since. Especially because my new CPU doesn't have integrated GPU so my motherboard's HDMI port is for audio-only. I need to get an HDMI splitter for the port to my graphics card.
I am fully open for emergency commissions!
Colored sketches, Chibis, Retrowave Pinups.
https://docs.google.com/forms/d/10x....._volQvLCU/edit
I have 10 slots for some really nice uncolored thigh-high sketches!
This is the link to claim a 10 USD Uncolored sketch!
https://ko-fi.com/doubledee
It's been one thing after another if it's in your heart to support me but you can't buy anything from me, sharing this journal with your friends would really help spread the word. Open for Colored Sketch Commissions
Posted 5 years agoHowdy!! To afford medicine and to see a doctor I'm opening for colored sketches! Turn around time will be as fast as possible because I'm very much in need.
I'm open for 5 slots for some pretty colored sketches! As long as the character follows my TOS I'll draw just about anything!
Flat Colored Sketches (Thigh high- $40) (Full body-$50)
Paypal Only!
TOS!
https://docs.google.com/document/d/.....yQq08iPto/edit
Form!
https://docs.google.com/forms/d/12Z.....HBWPdsFrM/edit
Examples!
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/36746343/
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/36745355/
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/36744461/
Slots!
1. -
Camille846-
2. -
NightFaux-
3. -available-
4. -available-
5. -available-
Thank you for taking the time for reading this! I hope we all survive this year.
I'm open for 5 slots for some pretty colored sketches! As long as the character follows my TOS I'll draw just about anything!
Flat Colored Sketches (Thigh high- $40) (Full body-$50)
Paypal Only!
TOS!
https://docs.google.com/document/d/.....yQq08iPto/edit
Form!
https://docs.google.com/forms/d/12Z.....HBWPdsFrM/edit
Examples!
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/36746343/
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/36745355/
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/36744461/
Slots!
1. -
Camille846-2. -
NightFaux-3. -available-
4. -available-
5. -available-
Thank you for taking the time for reading this! I hope we all survive this year.
More active on Twitter
Posted 5 years agoIt's true. I am.
I post when I have slots available on my discord but I post on twitter first.
Example
But no seriously I do open occasionally for small slots with a fast turn around. I'm still closed for commissions because I have to finish my old que, work on a form to submit, streamline the whole process.
Usually it's colored sketches but I've gotten experimental and I'll do a thigh up. Maybe I'll do a full body. Just communicate and tell me what you are looking for. I do my best.
I post when I have slots available on my discord but I post on twitter first.
Example
But no seriously I do open occasionally for small slots with a fast turn around. I'm still closed for commissions because I have to finish my old que, work on a form to submit, streamline the whole process.
Usually it's colored sketches but I've gotten experimental and I'll do a thigh up. Maybe I'll do a full body. Just communicate and tell me what you are looking for. I do my best.
More active on Twitter
Posted 5 years agoIt's true. I am.
I post when I have slots available on my discord but I post on twitter first.
Example
But no seriously I do open occasionally for small slots with a fast turn around. I'm still closed for commissions because I have to finish my old que, work on a form to submit, streamline the whole process.
Usually it's colored sketches but I've gotten experimental and I'll do a thigh up. Maybe I'll do a full body. Just communicate and tell me what you are looking for. I do my best.
I post when I have slots available on my discord but I post on twitter first.
Example
But no seriously I do open occasionally for small slots with a fast turn around. I'm still closed for commissions because I have to finish my old que, work on a form to submit, streamline the whole process.
Usually it's colored sketches but I've gotten experimental and I'll do a thigh up. Maybe I'll do a full body. Just communicate and tell me what you are looking for. I do my best.
*Friendship Rant*
Posted 5 years agoI know I know, it's been 9 months since my last journal. A lot has happened.
I got divorced last year, moved, and have been job hunting ever since. I had to deal with a falling out with not just my ex-husband but also two people that were supposed to be my friends but ended up abusing and throwing me away. I had to do this mostly alone because the normal friends that were buddy buddy with me bailed. Like literally 3 people didn't talk to me or reach out to me when they knew I was going through probably the roughest part of my life since my dad died. I certainly wasn't in the mindset to ask for help either.
I learned last year to stop giving people chances to hurt me by not being there. I closed up shop. I stopped being open to the world about myself, what I was going through because I believed no one cared. I tried but not very hard to make plans, to reconnect and I was still disappointed by how apathetic people who used to call me family treated me. I get they were going through their own lives. I tried to be there for them with that. I tried to do my best to be the best friend I could be despite the pain I was in. It was really messed up.
My partner has been such a blessing by being pragmatic and playing devil's advocate to defend what I saw as just unjustifiable. But we both agreed that if I want to open myself up again to people I should do so holding back. That's kind of what I learned. I have to hold back. I am too sensitive when someone claims we are like sisters, that we are like family and then complete silence takes place. Relationships are a give and take and I refuse to give more than what I take. I've explained to them multiple times that if you want to keep a close relationship with me you have to at least talk. At least a response.
If you read this as someone who I used to be former friends with, I'm sorry. I probably left without a word to you. You did say that you weren't a good friend. Guess you proved that to me. When people show you who they are and how they feel, believe them. You don't get to decide what they are actually going through or if they were actually hurt.
No idea why I made this ranty journal about the past year's shitfest that was thrown upon me. I have so much on my plate I'm worrying about. I am not a very good adult. Then again... The times that I'm witnessing aren't exactly poor friendly.
Be a decent being and stay safe out there.
I got divorced last year, moved, and have been job hunting ever since. I had to deal with a falling out with not just my ex-husband but also two people that were supposed to be my friends but ended up abusing and throwing me away. I had to do this mostly alone because the normal friends that were buddy buddy with me bailed. Like literally 3 people didn't talk to me or reach out to me when they knew I was going through probably the roughest part of my life since my dad died. I certainly wasn't in the mindset to ask for help either.
I learned last year to stop giving people chances to hurt me by not being there. I closed up shop. I stopped being open to the world about myself, what I was going through because I believed no one cared. I tried but not very hard to make plans, to reconnect and I was still disappointed by how apathetic people who used to call me family treated me. I get they were going through their own lives. I tried to be there for them with that. I tried to do my best to be the best friend I could be despite the pain I was in. It was really messed up.
My partner has been such a blessing by being pragmatic and playing devil's advocate to defend what I saw as just unjustifiable. But we both agreed that if I want to open myself up again to people I should do so holding back. That's kind of what I learned. I have to hold back. I am too sensitive when someone claims we are like sisters, that we are like family and then complete silence takes place. Relationships are a give and take and I refuse to give more than what I take. I've explained to them multiple times that if you want to keep a close relationship with me you have to at least talk. At least a response.
If you read this as someone who I used to be former friends with, I'm sorry. I probably left without a word to you. You did say that you weren't a good friend. Guess you proved that to me. When people show you who they are and how they feel, believe them. You don't get to decide what they are actually going through or if they were actually hurt.
No idea why I made this ranty journal about the past year's shitfest that was thrown upon me. I have so much on my plate I'm worrying about. I am not a very good adult. Then again... The times that I'm witnessing aren't exactly poor friendly.
Be a decent being and stay safe out there.
