I have a friend in Ukraine who now lives under martial law in a nation under siege. I don't know what else to say beyond this. I want to rage and point out names of those responsible, wishing them to... experience a horrible fate. What can I even do? It's frustrating. I only hope death is limited, aggression is checked, reparations made, and this conflict consigned to history. I hope my country can make a difference.

So, I wanted to post something, but I didn't want to burn through my backlog to quickly. Therefore, I figure I'll do a journal. My goal in this is to mark this point in my journey having a regular income through commissions and also share some plans I have.

First and foremost, I am moving! There was a month delay due to shipping complications. Then, my landlord-to-be caught Covid, and the water main burst during his recovery. Thus, my move was delayed further. To my surprise though, the delay was only about half-way through February, so I move this weekend. My excitement is only tempered by the actual process of moving. Having to completely disassemble a set-up I've maintained for well over a year is tiresome thing while I am also working my normal schedule. Thankfully, I have reduced hours in anticipation of this move, so it works out.

While this occurs, I find myself tired of working on The Greater North, my "flagship setting" as I like to pretentiously call it. It started with a desire to write a story of my world's first dragon rider, but the more and more I develop the setting, the further I find myself from actually writing. A recent change of plans has rectified this. While I realized only tonight that I packed my stationary and other tools for drawing my map, I have the aim of drawing a second map which focuses on a much smaller region. This will help target place names, relevant history, and flesh-out my contrived-language for the area. I'll build a cast after that, and the rough draft follows. I look toward being at that stage within a month.

Beyond focusing my original story behind the setting, I've enjoyed working with other online users for some immersive RPs. Related to the story I'm writing, both role-plays revolve around dragons interacting with humans. It would be premature to label them dragon riders, but these stories are the forbearers to dragon riders. One involves a prototype of the story I mentioned above. An exiled prince enters the deep wilderness of untamed forests, and this leads to the experience of bonding with a dragon after some otherwise hostile and tense exchanges. It has helped provide some of the meat for the story ahead, and I'm excited to use the experienced gained. The other is helping to flush out the magic system as it involves two scholars, one a human and the other a dragon, delving into the secrets of the arcane together.

After I've made the progress above and burn through my back-log, I look forward to introducing some new projects. These latter ones will focus on undeveloped settings and give me something to post. They are two separate stories titled The Dance of Amber Stars and Balancing the Scales respectively. The former is a tale of intrigue and revenge, and the latter is more of a massive RP project. For Balancing the Scales, I plan to make a blanket invitation for anyone with a scaly, anthro fursona. The criterion is merely for the character to be lore-friendly, whether they are that way intrinsically or adapted for such, I'd leave that up to the owner of the particular fursona.

From my digital pen,
~M. Quilldragon~

This is me taking a long response I wrote to someone else's journal and turning it into my own. It's a pretty good summary of myself right now. Looking towards the future throughout 12.022 (the same calendar just add a decennium), my focus seems simple enough: work on my plans and take the small steps one day at a time.

It's been a hot minute since I've had to think this deep.

You see, I was raised very religious, and that experience was a mixed bag. It made repress entire facets of myself, but it also shaped the very core of who I am. This discord remains present in my everyday life. I live in a small, rural, conservative area, and I love it. Yet... I am only half of myself. This past year, I stumbled into the mental health field as a Skills Coach. It was the hardest job I've had yet (mind you, I'm only 23), but it also was the most rewarding. I am exposed to people at their most vulnerable, and working most often with minors, I witness the glacial but irreplaceable impact of good role models and positive attention. This job ticks all the marks I wanted out of a career growing up. It's definitely not a "passion" job in the sense of creative expression, but it fulfills my old wish to be a pastor. Having a bit of a unicorn experience in the church, I met some very compassionate and devout religious people. It was a definite shock to learn that not all religious people could be respectful and gentle. That said, I did feel the sting of leaving that social network when I accepted my same-sex attraction. Suddenly my desire for ministry seemed impossible, and the religion I once defined myself by felt alien and hostile. Then, I joined the mental health industry. I'm learning more often than I'd like that my experience isn't a good measuring stick for life's expectations. So, I count my blessings that I serve under a caring supervision team, and there remains the fact that I serve. That is the heart of my career, and it was the core of my former dream.

I've not made it though. As a self-defined ambivert, I've yet to balance my times alone with the social network I crave. Fortune favors me with some potential friends who are very open-minded for a small, rural town, but they're the minority it feels like. I volunteer at a local clothing ministry and joined my county's local historical society. Yet, both of those have a demographic that makes me feel less than myself. An older lady who helped me out in a volunteering endeavor made the comment, "He's a good Christian man." They think I'm single and can't figure out why that would be. Little do they know, I'm not. Beyond that, I've high expectations of myself that I constantly fail at. It feels like all that's needed for me to "arrive" is to master my impulses.

I close on this thought. It is odd to step outside and observe my own life through this cross-section of my current activities and commitments. So much is lost in translation from ongoing experience to written record, but for me, knowing the full context of it all... it's a little humbling. I like the metaphor of playing a video game in third person verses first person. Living is first-person, but we make sense of ourselves when look at ourselves from the outside. At least, that is my experience in this moment.

Title: Ambyssin
Author/Username:
Category: Epic Size
Tags: Extrapolated, Strong Characterization

Blurb/Summary:
Stop me if you've heard this one before. You wake up somewhere you don't recognize, only to find you've been turned into a Pokémon! Before you know it, you're off on a globe-trotting adventure. Dream come true, right? Well, for one human, that dream quickly turns into a waking nightmare. Can he fend off an otherworldly force threatening to rip the fabric of reality apart?

Review:
The story is a slow burn at the start and you won't like the protagonist. This doesn't seem the most flattering review, but I have framed it like the story itself. The prose is enjoyable, yet the character interactions will leave you divided on whether or not you like the cast. People are selfish and immature and dysfunctional because of trauma. Therein lies its secret strength. It confronts you with the worst of a person's ego within socially acceptable bounds, until people change. If you've stuck with this story through the beginning, the pay-off will be equal to the cost. The first part truly shows how complicated and dissatisfying life can be. We move toward what we want and lose the prize in the pursuit. Then, comes honesty and vulnerability and selflessness. Then comes everything we truly want---love and friendship.

The story's slower pacing will resurface, but the narrative lies interpolated with gripping moments of honest, human interaction between the pokemon characters. You feel the failures and shortcomings of each individual and empathize with their dreams. Inspiration follows via the healthy support system they create with one another in the midst of trying and traumatic circumstances. They struggle and fail and rise and try again and move forward. There are deep narratives and interesting plot points, but the hidden strength of this story is the interaction and relationships between its characters.

Such a strength was present in the last entry, but it was greatly overshadowed by the historical immersion. Here, this art is on subtle, but central display. The human struggle for love is the core of this story, and every conflict born in the narrative stems from this fight.

Disclaimers/Warnings:
This story will deal with themes of mental health at various points within the narrative including topics such as self-harm, suicide, mental defects, and schizophrenia. The focus is only so much as is relevant to the story. Moreover, while crude humor and references to sex are common enough, the story is SFW.

Other:
I am still figuring out how I will set up the archives and what categories there will be, so please bear with me. For now, I will simply go with the stories I know and give them a classification. I will compile them to another more organized location later.

Title: A Thing of Vikings.
Author/Username: athingofvikings
Category: Epic Size
Tags: Extrapolated

Blurb/Summary:
Take History. Add Dragons. Stir until a Genius makes friends with them and things explode. Take the resulting stock of Hiccup and tamed dragons and set it to simmering in 1040 AD, in the Scottish Hebrides. Add more Kings, Emperors, Romans, Vikings, Conquerors, Spies, Warriors, Thieves, Knights and Nobles, to taste. Take cover, and sit back to watch the fireworks.

In Real Life, 1040 was the tail end of the Viking Age; Europe was 50 years from the First Crusade; the Catholic and Greek Orthodox Churches have not yet formally split, William the Conqueror is a frightened teenager in Normandy, the Byzantine Empire is collapsing after a revival under one of their great emperors, and the great Viking Harald Hardrada is a Varangian mercenary there, while the Caliphates are having a rough time from the new Seljuk Empire and their own internal tensions. The most corrupt Pope in history holds Rome, the Reconquista of Spain is underway after the collapse of the Caliphate of Cordoba, and the Norse religion is a pale shadow of what it once was, hanging on around the Baltic Sea, Iceland, Greenland... and the Hebrides.

And into that heady mix, there is now Hiccup and Berk.

Yeah, history won't know what hit it.

Review:
Deep and wide, and well-researched. Written by a US emigrant, this story totals over 100 chapters at 1,000,000 words. Let that number sink in a second . . . Okay, that settled, the description above already hints at the profound and perspicuous knowledge of history on display in this author's work of fiction. It is my opinion that this writer could single-handedly banish any argument diminishing the quality of fanfiction due to its lack of original setting and characters. Without the freedom to write such a narrative, we'd never get to see how changed history could be if the right people lived at the right time and befriended dragons.

I won't go into too much detail about the plot as it is expansive and follows at least 2 to 5 threads of story at a minimum encompassing a ginormous cast. She usually starts off each chapter with an entry from some fictional textbook written centuries after the story takes place, giving us both lore and foreshadowing in an unobtrusive way. Moreover, we get the joy of seeing a truly just and ingenious character empowered to change the world. There is bloodshed and darkness, but there is hope and handwork and friendship. A truly fitting review of the story would be lengthy in and of itself.

Disclaimers/Warnings:
If you're adverse to violence or have some trauma-related triggers, be aware that some chapters deal with very dark and serious realities. The author never makes light of anything, and the story does justice to the topics they are about.

Moreover, when reading this work of fiction, leave politics out of the comments regardless of what you encounter in the narrative. There are some events that were construed as overtly liberal at one point or another, and the author recieved nasty threats for her particular ideas on Fanfiction.net because of them. Now, in order to read the story, you need an account on Archive of Our Own. I put this story out here because I believe the herculean effort of the writer deserves to receive recognition. So, if you leave criticism, let it be constructive.

Other:
I am still figuring out how I will set up the archives and what categories there will be, so please bear with me. For now, I will simply go with the stories I know and give them a classification. I will compile them to another more organized location later.

Preface

In every heart, discontentment over the current state of our character lingers in some corner, though for other, such as myself, it stands in the center of the room. To my benefit, my job at a paper-recycling plant resulted in my obtaining of a 1989 printing of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen R. Covey. Some of the information is not new to me, but the reminder and challenge is welcome. At the end of my most recent reading I was left with the challenge to share what I had learned with someone. While a general post to an undefined audience doesn't quite meet the criteria intended by the author, it serves as a stop-gap for when I lack someone with whom to converse over the topic deeply and as a written record online. The 'homework' also comes with a time-sensitive limit, hence the title above. So, below I will, in three paragraphs set forth the transformational ideas the author communicated to me.

1.

When addressing shortcomings in one's character, the first vital piece of change is knowledge. I need to know that I have to change before I can begin the process. Knowledge blends into skill which is itself the second piece. We learn how to change, then practicing the skill whenever we can. The quintessence of the process though is desire. If we don't want to change, I for one know I never will.

2.

In the process of transformation, the author then highlighted a necessary balance which must be struck. He recounts the Aesop's fable of the goose which laid golden eggs. As the farmer's wealth and greed grew, he chose to slay the goose only to find it empty of any more gold, having now lost the source of his wealth. In like fashion, what we want out of life, the golden egg which he calls production (the produced result), must be balanced against the production capability (the capacity of that which produces). For example, if I want a friend who I can depend on, the production requires I invest time and honest self-disclosure to whomever I bond with. Later, when I enjoy having a close companion, it is self-evident that I took care of the goose which continues to give me a golden-egg. If I instead were to demand someone's attention and involvement in my life without the proper investment (i.e. - demanding the golden egg), no one will really wish to satisfy such a forceful demand (so, I have killed the goose).

3.

The last lesson has to do with an almost business like mindset. Mr. Covey uses the word asset to define three groups of resources within our lives: human, financial, and physical. I'll start with the last. Any item or material object you own is a physical asset. The usage and maintenance of the object requires balance for most effective production, he argue. If you use a car but never have it maintained, it will break down with all swiftness after some time. He applies a similar principle to the other two categories. One of your financial assets is your capactiy to earn an income. If we only work and never rest, we will eventually break down. Moreover, if we don't invest in ourselves, that is to say increasing our capacity to earn (by education, formal or self-taught, or some other kind of training), we remain dependent on our current circumstances which limits us. Finally, both ourselves and others function as human assets. He relates an anecdote wherein his daughter got him truly engaged in the Star Wars franchise which had only just taken off in those days. He'd fallen asleep during such showings in the recent past. So, when he asked his daughter how she would like to spend time together that evening, (for context, he did this regularly with his children to invest in their parent-child relationships) she said they didn't have to because she knew he wouldn't want to share her preferred diversion. After pressing, she informed him of how the Jedi teachings aligned in many ways with his self-help material. With this perspective, Mr. Covey had a much greater appreciation for Star Wars as he examined the narratives for such parallels. Because he spent time with his daughter, they had come to know each other well, thus she could help him connect with her in a meaningful and satisfying way.

All feed back is welcome in the comments below.

Quilldragon's Alternative Archive

Preface

Have you ever sought a particular kind of story? I am not referring to the broad sweeping genres like romance, fantasy, mystery, etc. No, some stories stick out by how the characters interact or by how a trope is subverted or recast from a new perspective. Perhaps certain immersive settings call to your heart, but you can't seem to find a story that quite satisfies the particular itch. Maybe it is just the quality of the narrative that gets you. Whatever the reason, you are looking for specific criteria that no filter will carry. I am here to help with that.

Every week I will highlight a story review from my personal selection that I find worthy of a recommendation. I am by no means a qualified authority on what counts as quality fiction or storytelling. I do believe self-evident quality will surface in some of the works I recommend, but some will boil down to personal preference. That said, I must inform any who read this that Fanfiction will show up as often as original, published works. I find the genre a breeding ground for engaging and unique storytelling if you know where to look.

So, the highlighted recommendation will be addressed in four parts. FIrst, I will give my own synopsis/summary/blurb to encapsulate the main parts of the story. The alternative tags will follow. I am not entirely settled on what those are yet, so leave a comment below if you have any ideas. The end result will be a category which I transcends genre and emphasizes details a normal websearch might prove unhelpful with. The personal impact or allure comes afterward expressing my personal thoughts on the narrative. Then, each post will end with a warning if I believe it necessary as some stories deal with very serious, controversial, or personal issues.

there are details which truly immerse one within a fictional setting. Which those are will vary from reader to reader and from author to author. However, the end result always be the same. The world feels real. I recently came across a culinary informational bite that already slotted directly into a scene I had in mind. How common are fried sweetbreads be theu donuts or elephant ears or funnel cake or or cinnamon rolls? I was recently informed that around the world cultures usually have their own variation of this common dietary staple. Encouraged that we come up with one for our own fictional setting.

Furthermore, I recommend reading this journal for another world-building tidbit.
https://www.furaffinity.net/journal/9487499/

The 27th of Sun's Dusk, Tirdas, 2018 Anno Domini

Five paragraphs for an overdue journal. First, an intro and catch up. I truly am at the point where I realize I am not equipped to help myself out of the rut I oft find myself in time and time again. Thankfully, I do not stand alone, yet it is a weakness of mine to isolate myself. The escape is so much easier and feels so nice in the moment. Such is the lure of instant gratification, and I am honestly addicted to it. It most often takes the form of stories. I can disconnect from myself, my flaws, my problems, my world and leave it all behind. I can forget. This is the path of least resistance, and it sucks.

The rut oft feels like trench. Dark and deep does it delve, reaching the closet most people have. Therein our skeleton and monsters dwell locked far away (or not so far) from our sight (or at least that of others). Some things we wish we could forget, and others we wish we could escape from. Some strike fear into our hearts, but others seem to bind us with chains of regret and failure. It oft seems we're unable to rid ourselves of such terrible (and at times malicious) burdens. They can't be forgotten or hidden. They must be established in the light of day and exposed (this is what counseling is for, then other parts of life follow). I've to stand and face them.

Lurking in our dark depths are other things. Not as terrifying as the skeletons locked away. No, this is much more subtle. Pressure. Not great or necessarily ill-intended, but it's constant and unyielding. This has been my experience with loneliness. It eventually becomes the companionship i desire. I learn to keep myself occupied or keep myself company. Introverted-disposition twisted and stretched. It's not absolute, but it starts like cancer (once more, not lethal or terminal). Something is wrong in a subtle way and messes up what should be. A serious issue develops given the time.

Friends and community stand companions against the dark, even our own dark. Shining the light of "being known" on to the less savory parts of who you are and loving you anyway. This isn't to enable bad habits, but to be understood and loved in spite of them. From such a place, they (friends, family, counselors, etc) can speak truth in love to build you up. Challenging, pushing, prodding, encouraging, listen, speaking, enduring. Together the dark is faced known and banished. What it hid remains and stands in the light of day. It may look as terrifying or unsavory as we'd feared, but it doesn't change the fact we are loved. Suddenly what once felt so big now feels so small (last line is a partial quote of a song from Evan Hansen).

At the end... of this journal, I face grief. Thanksgiving marked what for me is the anniversary of my father's passing. It's been more than half a decade. I am still feeling the emotional tremors. For an unknown reason, my heart has decided to bury it's grief deep. It surfaces, and I make no attempt to smother it. Yet, it doesn't linger and leaves me feeling "unvented" or still full of the grief. In wasting the weekend, I missed an opportunity to open up to someone about it during a time of unusual emotional tenderness. The veil within grew thin. Grief and depression came, but this is a good thing. I am facing what lies buried be it trauma, my skeletons, or unhealthy pressures which have shaped me. At least, I could've of, but now it must wait for the counselor's room. Stack these one on another and you have mental state.

The 19th of Sun's Dusk, Morndas, 2018 Anno Domini

If I could describe my life in one word right now, the word disjointed fits perfectly. Life appears fractured with plans coming an going an goals unmet. Community seems at once so close and yet absent. How to move forward? That's my answer, but it needs one modification. Actually, it is the same idea, but it has two parts. First, I need to keep moving forward mentally. What are the problems I face? What are the potential solutions? What are my dreams? How can I achieve them? What are things to be thankful for at this very moment? I have found these present-minded and future-looking questions to help me take the next step mentally.
The next part of this is actually moving forward. Sometimes that's just the next day, the next moment. Other times I take a step back and chart week. More often then I should I dream of the future (this is me sinking back to the mental level). After the planning is done and the questions asked, the first step must be taken. Some dumb decisions landed me back in the rut I can't fully get away from now. It's so easy, but that's not what will bring a deeper sense of happiness. It makes me think of the song I Hope You Dance. There are two lines which come to mind: First, "When you come close to selling out, reconsider," and second, "Never settle for the path of least resistance."
This is very hard for me right now because of my deep sense of morality and character (those being one and the same for me). While I am no longer a Christian, I cling firmly to the character I was taught. There's a verse which I would call my life verse (although I'm an unbeliever now): Galatians 5:22-23. "For the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, [and] self-control; against such thing there is no law." To be defined by virtue is my life goal. With all my inconsistencies and faults as I am, this seems daunting. Still, I know there are kind or good or loving things I can do now. Adding these miscellaneous actions to a concerted effort over time is bound to produce results. To get there, I need to keep moving forward, mentally and literally.
As I said at the start, I feel disjointed. At times it's like have a slight limp, and a pebble in the shoes of your good leg. Sounds tedious right? Yes, but I know the destination I have in mind and can appreciate the good things I see along the path. I'll get there and enjoy the journey. I don't believe the journey more important than the destination, neither vice versa. I can have both, and all it takes is forward motion. I can do that...

The 15th of Sun's Dusk, Tursdas, 2018 Anno Domini

Last entry noted the end of an age (or a world depending on which image fit better). Going with the image in parenthesis, I fell into a rut over the past day or so and thought about the end of the world according to the Bible (bear with me, I'll make the connection). Growing up with the story, I always loved the idea that in the end good will ultimately win (at the time that meant God and his people). Yet, before everything got better (i.e. - a place with out pain or tears or any possible fears), things got harder, much so. This in a way how I feel about the transition I'm going through.
As a Christian, I had bad habits which I despised about myself. While my perspective has changed as a (new) non-christian, some of these bad habits continue to follow, keeping me in a rut. It gets really discouraging after awhile. Still, when we pursue greater things, life can often become more difficult. For example: I am doing NaNoWriMo (which I neglected slightly over the past day or so). For many, this time is full of aspiration (having written part, most, or the entirety of their rough draft), but writing is not always easy. To the contrary, as one blogger put it in an inspirational post yesterday, writing downright sucks. It's hard. You can feel overwhelmed. Any weaknesses or inadequacies seem to stand front and center, not to mention you have the rest of your daily life to live. She's lays the reality out plain. The only response to achieve the NaNoWriMo Goal--accept this and press on. The only way to change at times and get out of ruts is to accept the hardship of changing and move forward. This is me self-preaching (I keep a personal journal where I've said the same lesson *good for reflection*).
On the subject of NaNoWriMo, tomorrow's goal is to do 5k words. Thankfully, I can devote practically the whole day to writing.

13th of Sun's Dusk, Morndas, 2018 Anno Domini

The world is ending, and I have chosen it to be so, in a manner of speaking. Good opening, no? I journal to share about what my first sentence indicated and more. I speak (dramatically so) of a something that has essentially changed my view on life, and in a manner of speaking, brought about the end of the world. Perhaps the intro was a it dramatic, so I'll refer to it as the end of an age (a short one though relatively speaking).
Within this year, I have made the decision to leave behind the Christian faith I've grown up with. While no one can repeat my experiences, that carries all complexities and anxieties one can imagine. Thank fully I have a few anchors in the new world (as in the rest of life) I've arrived in. The point of this journal is to share in part this journey as it looks to be an arduous one, given that everyone I know and love remains Christian. Add to that, Only a handful of them know.

While I step from one world to another, I spend most of my time writing of yet others. I am a writer with a passion for the Medieval-fantasy genre (though I'm not exclusively there, just majorly so). I am a story lover in general. This motivated me to walk the path of NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month). I stand at 22 thousand words and counting. The story itself echoes the life I leave behind as it's an old fantasy I wanted to indulge from high school. To make it a bit more specific, it lies in the fan-fiction sub-genre. I will be looking for Beta-readers and editors once I've completed the rough draft.