Hey, just a question for people that are interested in stuff that I would do for myself rather than for commission. This involves both the sponsored-story stuff as well as the rare occasion that I manage to do something for myself outside of that.

I love to write things involving my characters and my ideas, but I often run into three major issues with them.

1: My personal story ideas, the ones that I want to do for myself, tend to be the stuff that is the least-viewed and least-favorited (and, by interpretation, least liked) of all the things that I do, even compared to some of the more out-there commissions. Admittedly, some of that is due to the fact that my kinky stuff is more story-based rather than immediately fetish-y, but the fact that it falls so low is discouraging.

2: My ideas tend to be more series-based (short or long) than one-offs, which means a longer commitment toward seeing them done. The fact that few people seem to be interested in them means that there's less feedback, and also less sponsorship toward them. Which leads to:

3: My ideas stagnating and no longer interesting me because they've sat idle for too long. For me, sharing the idea and getting other people to enjoy it is half the fun. If I'm just putting it out there and shouting into a void, it's more interesting to shift over to some new idea rather than continue something that gets almost nothing in terms of interest.

Now, all of these things are 'me' problems. It's not up to everyone else to like something I make just because I made it. Every author, hell, every creative takes that risk whenever they make something. We shoot it off into the void and hope that it finds an audience somewhere, always with the risk that nobody likes it at all. I know that, and I have always known that, but that doesn't mean that it's any less discouraging when there's nothing under the submission after it's been up for months, or years. And that discouragement means that it's very hard to keep moving forward with a story when it takes me weeks, if not months between chapters, and the interest is slowly dying, and it feels like there's nobody in the world that wants to see the idea.

It kinda ends up leaving me feeling kinda like a shitty writer, if I'm completely honest.

So, I'm trying to figure out a way to make it a little bit easier, both for me to keep a story going and for those that want me to do that have a way to help. To do that, I have a few questions, and I have a request or two. The questions first.

Question 1: When it comes to my stories, what are more interesting? Stories involving random characters going through kinky situations I come up with, or stories about my characters in similar situations?

Question 2: Do you prefer series or one-shots when it comes to new stories with my characters?

Question 3: When I do more stories involving my characters, would it be more interesting to do origin stories, or just do slice of life/modern events with them?

If you wouldn't mind answering some of those in the comments below, that would be really useful for me.

As for the favors (outside of answering the questions), I mostly just...really want this.

If you enjoyed something I wrote, please say something. If there is something I did well, please leave a comment. Because it's one thing when I put something up that someone else commissioned and it doesn't do well. It didn't have to; so long as the client liked it, that means that the story succeeded in what it was meant to do. But when it's something I do for myself, there's more of my heart in it, and seeing it just disappear feels like a little piece of me is dying.

If you can't, or don't have the time, I get it. I can't push for it, and you have no reason to say much. But if I didn't ask, then I had little right to be bothered.

Thanks for your time, and thanks in advance if you read through this and respond.

A Few Updates, And Depression

Okay, been a little while since I gave you guys a ‘state of the author’ sort of update, so let’s get into that.

Good news first.

I’ve finally more or less settled into doing good work on a good schedule in the new place. It’s a different schedule and I’ll be having to figure out how to make that work well, but it’s feeling right again. Currently, I’ve finished all but one of the slots that were part of the last cycle, and I’m going to be jumping into splurge-work after that. All things considered, I’d look for more openings toward the end of March, but I should be able to stay on-track.

Other good news is that I have a few more plans for new series to offer in sponsored series stuff, and might be able to take some time to write for myself going forward. We’ll see.

Also, also, we finally are getting back on track with weekly streams. Early days, but hopefully it all works out.

Also, also, also, I continue to dig my teeth into various bits of cooking and try out lots of stuff on a daily basis. Been good just having the time to flex and show off to myself, because cooking really is a joy.

And now, the bad news.

Recently, I was informed of the problems with Subscribestar, as informed by this report a few years ago.

https://www.splcenter.org/resources.....s-profit-hate/

I left Patreon because of the fact that they were getting more and more intrusive about personal information, as well as becoming more hostile to different kinks. This, however, is no better, and in some ways much worse, as Patreon at least banned people like Alex Jones and others that were spreading bad things from their site. The fact that subscriptions to me on Subscribestar help finance a company that is fine with this? No. I’m not going to be part of that.

Not sure where I’ll be going after that, but I’ll probably be shuttering the Subscribestar at the end of March, and keeping a record of what I owe everyone. What I do next, no idea, but I can’t really support something that does that.

As for the other bad news?

Well…I’m not quite sure how to put it, but I’m somewhere between having a bit of an early mid-life crisis and being depressed. Not made better by the current state of things, admittedly, but they’re not the cause.

I’ve been very conscious of mortality for the last few months due to deaths around me, and I’ve become insanely aware of how I’ve already had 35 years on this earth, and if I get just as many in good health, I’ll be lucky. I’ve seen all the years pass, I’ve seen people that should not have died as soon as they did go, and I’ve seen basically everyone that was due to die before me in the family pass. I have that feeling of being next in line, and it’s very hard to shake that feeling. Most nights, I lie in bed thinking about how little time I have left, and it just…terrifies me, and if I’m lucky it stops there. If not, then I start thinking about all the other people that I still have left to lose, or how it’ll be when I just stop, and…

It's not good.

Now, it’s not constant. Most of the day, I’m fine, and I have plenty of distractions to keep me from thinking about it, but around 10-ish PM, it starts creeping in, and I don’t have the energy to keep pushing it back again. I’m told time will help, and I hope it will. I’m also seeking therapy, doing meditation, holding onto things as best I can. But it is a struggle.

That said, I wanted to ensure that I mentioned that for the whole State of the Author thing, and…

Well, I’ll be okay. I’m finding ways around it, I’m doing what I can, but I also need to talk about it from time to time. Just to keep it from echoing around in my head.

Not sure how to end this, so I’ll just say ‘Thanks for listening,’ and wish you all well, and promise more uploads in the near future.

Be well.

Let's go through the winner list.

 Avenging-Hobbits for 1 10-pager story.
 AkimitsuSevecan for 4 miniseries chapters.
 FriskeCrisps for 1 9-pager story.
 yana_ambrosia for 1 sponsored chapter in Hero's Guild.
 harute11 for 2 miniseries chapters.
 Roureem for 3 miniseries chapters and 1 sponsored chapter for Starfox Adventures Parody.
 Anthroperson_18 for 1 sponsored chapter in The Obsessive Assistant.
 Scythio for 1 10-page story.
 MysteriousTGArtist for 2 miniseries chapters.
 RayO_ElGatubelo for 2 miniseries chapters.
 a-lycotonum for 2 miniseries chapters.
 Drackonthanri for 2 miniseries chapters.
 3rdHarleyJoe for 1 9-pager.

Congrats, one and all.

As usual, fill out your write-ups (template found here) and email them to spencer-gorman@hotmail.com. Looking forward to starting these soon.

Been on a bit of an attempt at self-improvement for a bit, and it’s got me thinking about stuff that’s probably pretty obvious to a lot of people. That said, even if it’s obvious, I thought I’d write it down and share it in case there’s other people that haven’t thought of it yet, or need a reminder, or just have some other need for it to be refreshed for them.

When it comes to being ‘better,’ it’s always going to be hard, because there’s three checklists of things that we are always trying to fulfill, and the first two are a lot easier to remember and prioritize than the third. Let’s break those down into Survival, Social, and – as I have been guilty of labeling it in the past – ‘Selfish.’

Survival is the checklist that contains stuff like work, paying bills, doing the basic things that keep us alive. They’re the things that we need to do just to keep a roof over our head, food in the pantry, and all that jazz. Considering that these items lead directly to us staying alive, they tend to be the ones that get the most priority in a lot of ways, and they’re the ones that we tend to not celebrate very much because they’re the things that just ‘have to be done.’ Yes, they’re the things that we do the most, and we do very well, but we can’t celebrate them because we don’t really feel like there’s a reason not to do it. If something’s essential, why celebrate it, eh? (It’s a terrible lie we tell ourselves, isn’t it?)

Social, then. What’s social? That’s the stuff that we are supposed to want. Societal as well as social, the things that we are told we should be doing. Hanging out, socializing, being ‘better’ for the sake of being better human beings. Working out, being in shape, dieting, being informed. Yes, these are good things, but they’re things that we often do because we’re told that ‘good people’ do them. Sometimes we want to do it, sometimes we don’t, but the Social/Societal checklist is, more often than not, filled at least halfway with stuff we don’t really want to do, but we are told we should. And because it’s filled up with things that are technically optional, and often unwanted, this list often feels like a bunch of failure for us, because we keep falling short.

Finally, we reach ‘Selfish’ stuff. And this is where I’ve really been thinking.

‘Selfish’ desires are the ones that may or may not line up with the Social/Societal stuff, but are meant for us. I’m not talking about the daily habits like gaming for a while, or little bits and pieces that serve as a buffer against misery and such. I’m talking about our dreams and ambitions, things that are specifically us and keyed to us. I’m talking about the idea of not just ‘learning a hobby,’ but embracing a passion. Not just ‘learning to code,’ but ‘I have this idea that I am going to see brought to life.’ No generic shit here, but as fun and passionate a thing as you can find, something that resonates with you, something you want to chase.

This third check-list of things we want to fulfill is not only a pain in the ass to actually fill out – because let’s be honest, knowing what we want out of life rather than what we’re supposed to want out of life is fucking HARD – but it tends to get the lowest priority.

Why prioritize ourselves when things are bad for everyone? Why do something fun when you have to do something else to survive? Why chase this dream when we have to do something to be better in the world we live in?

And the answer is simple. If you don’t chase something you want, then you don’t get the energy to do anything else.

People talk about not pushing so hard at work so you don’t burn out. People talk about staying connected to maintain a certain love of life. Both of those things are true, but that ignores the happiness and pleasure that comes from giving yourself what you want. Without knowing who you are, without chasing the things that you desire and want out of life – what you want, not what you should want or what others say you should have – you are just…existing. You’re getting by. You’re doing the equivalent of taking out payday loans and hoping that the GoFundMe pays out enough this month to keep you afloat.

Making progress towards the ‘Selfish’ goals is like a major bonus on your emotional paycheck. Making the investment is a risk, and I completely get that, and agree with it. It’s hard to be sure that it’s going to be worth it, and sometimes, we don’t have the resources to throw much at chasing those more difficult dreams.

But it is worth it. And sometimes, that’s the only way to get enough emotional energy, enough happiness, enough wherewithal to actually make your life better.

So, take a moment. Take a little time to ask yourself how much of the stuff you’re doing is going towards what other people and society say you should be doing, what you should want, how you should be better, and how much you actually know about how you want to be better, and what you want out of your life.

And then, look at that third list. If you don’t have one, think about what you want, who you are, and what you need for yourself, and start making one.

Because the return on emotional investment like that, particularly if you’re not in a happy place already, is more than worth it.

It’s not New Year’s Eve yet, but considering how time loves to shift and roll and move and get away from me, I might as well get this done now while I’m thinking about it.

I’ve never been one for resolutions, or at least, I’ve never been one that could stick with them very well. It’s always tricky to find a behavior or a theme that really works for me going through an entire year, and trickier still to actually stay interested in all of them. Who knows, maybe there’s a part of me that just gets bored and doesn’t like ideas that it enjoyed earlier (even as recently as an hour ago).

Whatever the reason, I’m trying something a little different this year. I’m going to phrase it as a ‘gift list’ to myself, 12 different gifts, no more than one a month, for the year ahead. Things I can do that will hopefully make me happy, things that will make me feel accomplished, and things that will keep a little more goodness in my life. Goodness knows that the recent events have taken a bit out of it.

Anyway. Let’s go through the gift-list for myself. Maybe some of you can help me keep accountable to this stuff.

1: Research and connect with my Cherokee heritage. With some Native American connections through my mom’s side, going back at least a couple of generations, I’ve always had a vague, kinda low-key pride in having that bit in my family tree. Yet, I’ve never really dug into it, and I feel like I should. It’s something that, as a part of me that I do take pride in, I should know more about. Pride without knowledge is merely arrogance, after all.

2: Prioritize personal writing. I say it every year, and maybe this will be the year that I actually do it. I want to do stories that aren’t just porn commissions. I want to do erotica that touches my own interests more often, and I want to do something that isn’t furry, as well. Something that maybe I can publish. I touched on an idea last month that I’ve been slowly developing, so maybe this one will stick around. As long as I keep loving it and bringing it back in.

3: Get in touch with asexual/queer community IRL. Having discovered that I’m asexual – or, at least, on the ace spectrum, leaning toward aegosexual – a couple of years back, it feels only right that I push myself to be part of the community, as well. Particularly IRL. There’s lots of good ace community stuff online, just like there is for a lot of us under the rainbow flags, but there’s something about IRL stuff that really does better. There’s more…substance to it, more people, and without the screens in the way, there’s something more understanding, more connecting. And I need that right now.

4: Learn asexual history. Queer history in general is something that is always at risk of dying out of the living memory. We learn a lot of national history (propagandized in a lot of ways, but still getting the basic bits out there), and there’s a general consciousness of a certain amount of historical basics, that certain things actually existed, inasmuch as the heteronormative stuff is written down and learned and taught. Queer stuff? Muuuuuuch harder to just have by osmosis. Since being ace is part of me, just like with the Cherokee stuff, I should bring some of this into my life, too.

5: Read one fiction book per month, minimum. The fuck kind of writer doesn’t read? I have been letting this slip for too long. One book a month, minimum. I need to keep the writing in my life, and that means keeping the reading in it, too. Starting small, with a young adult book called “Elatsoe” by Darcie Little Badger, and seeing what else I can put together over the course of the year. Hopefully a big bunch towards the middle with the WorldCon stuff being local this year, but we’ll see.

6: Figure out my clothing ‘style’ and put together a few looks. After literally decades of stubbornly refusing to care about fashion and looks and style and just pulling the first thing out of the drawer and wearing that (and doing a bit of introspection to realize that was defiance rather than choice), I want to figure out what my look is. Drac used to have his robe before going to his current suit. I want to spend some time figuring out what me, the author, should look like, and what I can do to enjoy that.

7: Decorate my room. Similar to the above, I never really had the option of doing much room decoration in the past. Either we were renting and I couldn’t do much without risking damage to the walls or something, or we were too poor to actually afford getting anything, or something else had come up. Now, I have a place that I’m staying for a significant amount of time, there’s no real worries about damaging stuff so much, and I can kinda do what I want. The question is, what do I want to surround myself with? Again, what is my style? I want to figure that out.

8: Put out an erotica anthology. I put out enough porn that this really shouldn’t be so hard. I could go back to some of the Kink-Tober/Kink-Vember pieces and expand them, or take some of the pieces I’ve done for myself and edit them, or something. I want to actually have something out there that’s more my own, and maybe something a little special as a result. Who knows? Maybe people might buy it.

9: Find a happy place between my asexuality and my libido. Those of you that know, know. Those of you that don’t? Sex-neutral and sex-favorable aces, and some sex-repulsed aces, still get a lot of weird signals from their libido that doesn’t always gel with the general sense of attraction with others. It’s very easy to have a moment of weakness in fantasy and go ‘Maybe I’m not ace, maybe I should get some action.’ Then you open something like grindr, or some other app, and you rapidly realize nope, nope, nope, still ace, still not interested in that. Part of this year could – and probably should – be spent on figuring out that happy space where I’m good with who I am – and more confident with it – and dealing with the signals the libido sends, because clearly something isn’t getting what it needs.

10: Find out if driving is possible. I avoided learning to drive for two reasons: to avoid giving my family more power over me when I was still living with them (because I would have become the new chauffeur with how things were going and lost even more free time) and because I get serious panics getting in the driver’s seat. With the former no longer a concern, I want to see if I can overcome the latter, because in the US, not being able to drive (and not living in a large city) means getting ANYWHERE is a pain. If I can learn to drive, this is the time to do it. If not…well, then I know and I can stop pushing on this.

11: Build up my online community and build an offline one. My discord community is a nice one, but I want to be more reliable with it, and make sure that there’s plenty of stuff going on whether or not I’m there to run it. We’ve had irregular movie nights and semi-regular game streams, but I want to add some more stuff so that there’s stuff there for people to enjoy outside of, you know, work stuff. And outside that, I want a small community of friends locally, as well. I’ve spent my life with online friends, and while I’ve gotten to know a number of them and enjoy them, I want to have people I can hang out with in person without going on a plane somewhere. This year, I feel like it’s a possibility to get that.

12: Build a personal cookbook. I do enough cooking that I really should do something about that. If nothing else, it would give other people in the house a list of stuff to make if they wanted to, instead of me making everything. And who knows, it might give me more ideas rather than churning out the same things all the time.

Well, that’s the list of 12 gifts I hope to give myself this year. I wrote those out over the last few days, but with the bad news I got after that, I’m adding one theme to the list. Something in honor of someone who isn’t here anymore.

13: Prioritize joy, be shameless in enjoying what you enjoy, and be the hero that you always dreamed of being.

This is what I’m taking into 2025. Fingers crossed I can give myself all these gifts at some point.

Yesterday, I learned about the passing of a friend of mine. To say that it was a shock is an understatement; I had heard from him earlier this month, and I had thought that things were just quiet for the holidays. Hearing that he was gone over a week after the fact knocked me reeling.

 Winterhound776 was someone that I knew for a fairly long time. He came in as a client well before the 2020s, and we’d talked and spent time together and enjoyed a number of NSFW conversations. He was charming then, and had a confidence that went above and beyond what you’d expect in someone with his interests. You get so used to seeing people blushy and embarrassed and a bit ashamed of what they are and what they like, but not him. He embraced what he liked and showed it off with a swagger I’ve seldom seen in the most arrogant of individuals, and did it with a certain panache that you could only really admire it.

While we never got as close as I would like, he always offered a warmth and eagerness whenever we talked. There was never anything less than a genuine zest and passion for company, and I always felt appreciated in one way or another around him.

One thing that I will remember from his friendship and take away from his passing is that there should never be shame in chasing the things that bring you pleasure, or in embracing the things that make you happy. However it ended for him, he chose to prioritize his passions in a huge way, and he did it without being selfish.

I will miss him. And I know many others that knew him will feel the same. But I will remember that about him.

Goodbye, Nirimer. You were a good friend.

Well, everyone, it’s about that time. For those that celebrate, Merry Christmas. For those that go for something earlier, or later, or anything at all, I wish you good days, and wonderful times at the end of the year.

It’s been a year for most of us, I’m sure. I doubt that there’s any of us that have made it to the end without at least one regret, regardless of where it came from. Changes, too, probably. I know I’ve been through quite a few, both on the inside and in the life that everyone else sees. New house, new place to live, new city. And so many things about myself, too. I know that I’m not unique in that. I’m sure that at least half of you reading this have had some major upheaval, or failing that, found something new in yourself that you’ve had to take time to think about, adjust to, or something like that.

It's life, isn’t it? Always changing something, heh.

But changes like that? They’re for the new year to sort out. That’s what that holiday is all about. But this is Christmas.

Christmas is about cheer.

Christmas is about having that bit of light in the winter.

Christmas is about food, and good feelings, and whatever gifts that you can manage to find, either for yourself or others.

So, take a moment and appreciate yourself. This Christmas, these holidays, stop and appreciate yourself for being someone that’s made it to the end of the year. Remind yourself that you got here, and that you’re still going. Most of all, think of the things you have, that you’ve gained, that you’ve helped others get, and know you’re a credit to yourself.

Give yourself something nice, some compliments, some appreciation, because you’re worth that.

And then, if you have any left, see how you can make someone else feel. Because we all deserve a smile.

Merry Christmas, everyone. May it be merry and bright.

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Thanks all of you for signing up. If you didn't get in this time, better luck in January.

For those that did win, please fill out the write-up template found here, and then email it to me at spencer-gorman[at]hotmail.com so that we can get this started as soon as possible.

Can't wait to see what you want.

Well, I was hoping that this wouldn’t happen, but I kinda had it in the back of my mind that it probably would.

Not going to be a journal of supposing blame here or there, nor encouraging it. There’s no point in going back and figuring out what happened at the moment, not with only two months before some major potential changes begin. Figuring out what went wrong should happen, but for now?

Brace.

Breathe.

Prepare.

Those of you in blue states, like me, take advantage of that. Use the natural leanings there to connect with those that are safe and are going to keep you safe. Build up connections. Build up community. We are lucky enough to be in a place where we can be a bit safer, a bit more relaxed, but don’t expect it to keep everything at bay.

Those of you in red states, find what safety you can. Connect with each other where possible. Know what is and isn’t safe for you.

But remember. This is preparation. It may not be needed; we may get lucky and the worst of Project 2025 doesn’t come to pass. But never, ever, ever rely on luck.

That said.

Know that this is not the end. Trump winning was a gut-punch. What he wants to do is well beyond the pale of our modern day. It will affect a lot of people going forward.

But we are not there yet.

He has the Senate and the House and the Supreme Court, yes. But no matter how many yes men there are in there, he still has to get them to work together. The current Speaker has been absolutely useless in so many ways. The Republicans have, and continue to be, the party of ‘No’ in government. Even with Project 2025, he will have his hands full trying to wrangle them all to go in the same direction. This will buy us some time. Not a lot, but some.

Even without going to the supreme court, there will be other courts that can be used. Challenging everything will slow it down. It will not stop everything, but it will slow it down.

And don’t forget. For everyone saying that he wants to drag us back to the 50s or 40s or even the 20s, we’ve been spending decades dragging ourselves out of there. Everything he wants to do has to push back against what we’ve built over that time. Yes, he will be a bull in a china shop, but there’s a LOT of metaphorical china for him to smash before he takes us all the way there.

I know it feels like doomsday. I know it feels like the world has ended.

That’s what they want it to feel like, because they have so much more work ahead of them.

So, after you’ve got your breath back, after you’ve settled to what’s happened, after you have your balance back, don’t give in.

Brace.

Breathe.

Prepare.

And act.

We can do this. And we will do this.

Looks like it's that day again.

If any of you want to give a gift or anything, I'm perfectly happy just hearing what you like about my writing and some details about what you've liked about my work, but mostly just wanted to say it so that it's out there.

Every year, I end up feeling a bit weird towards the last two months. It’s been more intense the last few years, mostly because of how the world changed, and how I have had to change with it. This…feels like it’s going to be a bit more of the same, heh.

Two years ago, I was still living with family, but it was slowly coming apart as my mom edged closer and closer to death.

One year ago, my mom was dead, and every member of the family was living separately from each other, and I’d finally moved out with a good friend.

This year, I don’t talk to most of my family anymore – despite best efforts – and I’ve moved again. Still with the same roommate, but in a different place, paying a mortgage instead of paying rent.

Overall, my life has tended more and more towards the better, on paper. Logically, I know it is better. It obviously is. But the last few years have done a lot to show me how little there was of me as a person, in some ways, due to the way that most of my twenties had gone, and the more that time goes on, the more I look back at myself and wonder what I still want to keep, and what will change.

I used to be a voracious reader. These days, I struggle to remember to drag myself away from the computer to do that for long, unless I’m away from computers in general.

I used to write for myself as well as on commission. I haven’t written for myself, outside of bits for patreon or when gifted time to do that, for a long, long time. Certainly not stuff that isn’t NSFW.

I used to meditate regularly, visualizing and sorting myself out. These days, I struggle to focus on that for long.

I used to think I was a city person, enjoying the hustle and bustle of it, of having options like when I visited friends in London and elsewhere. These days, I find myself enjoying hiking and struggling to find time for events and other things.

I guess the thing that I’m trying to say is that I’m still trying to figure out what the hell I am, who the hell I want to be, and what I want in my life. You’d think that, with my 35th birthday around the corner, I’d have a better idea of who I wanted to be in life, or how to want things, or any number of other things.

That sounds more down that I am, so let me make it clear. I’m not in a bad place. I’m in a better place, honestly, than I have been in my life. The difficulty isn’t where I am, but who I am and what I want to be. I’m in a place where I should be able to figure that out, and I hope I can, I just…

Heh, well, it’s hard to know where to start.

Don’t worry, the writing’s not stopping. I just need to figure out what else I am besides this, a gamer, a cook, and apparently a very good friend to people, heh.

Anyway, just writing out feelings, I guess, and giving people an update about where I am at the moment. Thanks for reading if you did.

Well, it’s about that time again.

There’ll be a journal with more updates going forward, but for now, here’s some refresher links about where else you can find me.

SoFurry: https://draconicon.sofurry.com/

Twitter (for now): https://twitter.com/DraconiconWrite

Bluesky: https://bsky.app/profile/dracthewriter.bsky.social

SubscribeStar: https://subscribestar.adult/draconicon-s-library

Patreon: (Dead)

Yeah, I moved from Patreon to SubscribeStar, finally. Stuff will continue there.

I still plan on using FA for as long as possible, but it’s just pragmatic to be spread out a bit more these days, and I want people to know where else they can find me.

Hey everyone, another mini-update.

Due to getting sick for a few days, I had to take some time off and let myself recover a little. I adjusted the trello for the schedule below.

https://trello.com/b/22pKCkAv/commission-cycle

I will be doing my best to keep to this going forward, and doing what I can to stay consistent. Hopefully will get more uploads done in that time, as well, and fingers crossed we can get more stories in the gallery for you to enjoy.

Finally, going to be shifting from patreon to subscribestar this month, and still thinking of how to update the stuff I offer as rewards. Any suggestions (BESIDES FREE STORIES AND UPDATES) would be appreciated. Thanks.

Hello again, everyone!

Well, it's been a little bit, so I thought it'd be a good time to give you an update of what's been happening and why things have been so quiet. From the last journal, you guys know that me and my roommate have been house-hunting and getting ready to move. Some of you already know this, but to the rest of you:

It's done. We're in the new house. And it's awesome.

Good house-vibes aside, I've been getting settled in, unpacking, getting everywhere there it's supposed to be. Which, in turn, means that there's been a lot of getting used to a new setting and finding time to work has been a trifle more difficult than expected.

That has shifted, as I've done a commission a day for the past couple of days, and I'm slowly ramping up.

Now, that isn’t to say that there isn’t a wait list at the moment, or that there isn’t a lot to get done. There is. In fact, you can see it on the Trello here.

https://trello.com/b/22pKCkAv/commission-cycle

But the point is, I’m getting things done. Little by little, bit by bit, we’re clearing the list that I had left behind. And I’m getting the outstanding stream stories done, as well; trying to aim to get one of those done every Sunday, with some success, some failure.

Once the current list is cleared, I have a two-week splurge that I have to attend after that, but once that’s done, we should, fingers crossed, finally be back on schedule.

Thank you for your patience, and thank you for continuing to wait on me. Let’s keep this a-rolling.

Well, I think it’s time for a bit of an accountability journal, considering I haven’t really been getting things done at the rate that I was hoping for.

I was hoping to have all of the story slots from pre-trip done before the 12th of September. However, I said that with the thought that I would have a bit more time free than I ended up having with the chaos of house-hunting and prepping for moving house. That, unfortunately, is on me and being overly optimistic about how this would go, how it would affect me, and what that does to my mood when I start falling behind.

Currently, this is the full list of work that I have pending to get done.

Priority (paid for and on-list from pre-trip) (total slots: 17 slots)

 A-lycotonum 3 chapters
Mizzukat: 1 chapter
 MatchstickWL 4 chapters
 Sonic232 3 chapters
 glynwolf Sponsored chapter + Uploading
 Roureem Sponsored chapter
 Harute11 3 chapters

No Contact but on-list (total slots: 6 slots)

 giver 2 chapters
CodySun: 4 chapters

On-list (total slots: 26 slots)

 Franco731 4 chapters
 NerubianKnight 1 sponsored chapter
 EyeofHorus789 1 chapter, 1 sponsored chapter
 Damiekinz 4 chapters
 RoflLion 1 sponsored chapter
 Hazrondo 2 chapters
 Rayo_Elgatubelo 3 chapters
 Roureem 3 chapters, 1 sponsored chapter
 technophile34 1 10-pager
 Vanrixie 2 chapters
 DuskCypher 3 chapters + Uploading
John_Doe12346: 1 10-pager

Total slots combined: 49 slots

When I’m working properly, I can get 2 story slots done a day, maybe 3 depending on how things go. So, technically, I could get the 17 slots still pending from before the trip done in 8.5 days, maybe 8 if I did two slots plus uploading slot in the same day.

However.

There is still the house-move to get done. The closing day for getting the house is supposed to be September 9th, as of my last understanding. That means that I should have 5 days of work before I get distracted again, right?

Not necessarily. I have more like three days before there will be other people around, and those other people will need attending to. So, I have three days where I can do work, followed by at least 6 days of distraction (the people being here plus moving), then HOPEFULLY I can settle in and make things work properly.

So, what does that mean, math-wise, for how things are set up?

I’m going to do one slot today. I’m going to try and do two slots on the 5th and 6th, and might be able to get up to two more on the 7th depending on when people get here. So, optimistically, let’s say that 7 slots are done between now and the 7th. That brings us down to ten more that still need to be done.

More might happen between then and the end of moving, but let’s be pessimistic and say that won’t happen. Nothing between the 7th and the 13th, just to give time for packing, moving, etc.

So, that puts us to the 14th, with 39 slots left to do, 10 of which are left from pre-trip.

Those will be done in 5 days, putting us to the 19th. If the no-contact people have gotten in touch by then, I’ll add them to the list, otherwise, we move on.

26 slots at 2 per day should ideally be 13 days. However, with the way that things always go in a new house, that’s going to likely be stretched out and extended. So, let’s say, for safety’s sake, 16 days.

That will put the finish date for the current list of commissions at October 5th. I am HOPING I can keep to that, and will give updates if I cannot.

With that in mind, I will need to take in more comms toward the end of September to keep making money. I will hold off on that until as close to the end of the month as I can so that I can keep delivering content to all of you in the meantime, and not leave you waiting longer than you’ve already been waiting.

I apologize, again, for how long so many of you have been waiting, and thank you for your patience. If anything else changes, I will let you know.

Hello again, everyone. Let's go down the list of who won.

 Franco731 for 4 miniseries slots
 NerubianKnight for 1 sponsored slot
 EyeofHorus789 for 1 miniseries slot and 1 sponsored slot
 Damiekinz for 4 miniseries slots
 RoflLion for 1 sponsored slot
 Hazrondo for 2 miniseries slots
 Rayo_Elgatubelo for 3 miniseries slots
 Roureem for 2 miniseries slots and 1 sponsored slot
 Technophile34 for 1 10-page slot
 Vanrixie for 2 miniseries slots
 DuskCypher for several slots

SF

John_Doe12346 for 1 10-page slot

Grats, all. Go to the link here and copy the template, fill it out, and send it to me at spencer-gorman[at]hotmail.com , ASAP, please.

Hello again, everyone. This is an apology and an update.

First off, the apology.

I’ve been trying to get back to work stuff, but focus has been next to impossible to keep hold of. The fact that we’ve been house-hunting in earnest (me and my roommate) since August 3rd has meant that I’ve been having serious difficulties keeping up with work. At first, it was just being available to go hither and yon looking at places, then when we had an agent working with us, it was trying to find the right place and get everything settled, and then being available for other stuff.

While I have been told to relax and take it easy, I don’t want everyone out there that has paid for stuff to think that I’m willfully ignoring you. The only thing I can say is that I am a creature of habit, and having other things disrupting that habit, as well as feeling that need to be available, has made it almost impossible for me to focus on anything. Whether that’s creative Wheel of Fetish brainstorms, work, games, cleaning, cooking, my focus has been just gone. I’m not saying this as an excuse, but more to point out that just about everything has been affected; I’m not just avoiding writing.

And even that, again, isn’t an excuse, just an update. And I apologize to everyone that’s been waiting for as long as they have. I am starting to get back to it again, and should be able to start doing more, because – here’s the real update:

Me and my roommate – Engy – are getting a house.

It’s actually happening.

We put an offer down on a house on August 6th, and we’ve just finished up with inspection negotiations and appraisal stuff. In 13 days, we went from seeing the house to being almost ready to sign the papers for it. It’s insane.

I have no idea how the rest of this is going to go, or what the schedule for moving and such will be, but the fact that it’s happening is…insane. I’m still kinda dizzy, still processing the whole thing, but…wow.

Going from a 1,070 square foot apartment to a two-story 1,920 square foot house is…insane. I’m looking forward to the new place, and having the weight of waiting off my shoulders means that I feel focused and, honestly, a little inspired.

Can’t wait to do more work and get more stuff to you.

Thanks for reading through this.

Hey, everyone. Time for another update.

I’ve been slow to settle in since getting home for a rather specific reason: me and my roommate have been house-hunting since I set down, and it’s been a chaotic set of events from the start. This has led to some difficulties working, but I’m still getting a few things done. Gradually, the list of work is shrinking.

So, what’s the plan at the moment? What’s going to happen? Well, that’s what I’m here to tell you.

As of right now, there are 38 commission slots left to finish. If I did two of those a day, that’d be 19 days worth of work. That probably won’t happen, but I will aim for a pace like that, and let you know if I slip from it.

Regardless of where the state of work is at the end of the month, I will be opening for a limited commission list on the 23rd. The amount of commissions I’m opening for will depend on how many I’ve gotten done between now and then. If I’ve cleared most of the list by then, I’ll open for a lot, if only a little, well, less. So, if you still want something, I’ll have openings by then.

I’ll also be uploading some stories, sporadically, between now and then, so that the gallery isn’t so empty as it currently is.

It’s good to be back in the states, and I’m glad to be working again. More news about the house-hunting as stuff develops.

Hey everyone. Had a couple of random thoughts lately. You’re getting one now.

Recently, I’ve read a couple of retellings of Greek Mythology. One was Stone Blind, a rather bitter retelling of the Medusa story, and the other was Circe, (kinda obviously) about the famous witch. In both, the gods and great powers of Greek Mythology were represented very differently, and it got me thinking about what I like about gods in fantasy stories to begin with.

I’m still collecting my thoughts and plan to share them when I have them completely sorted, but I was curious. When you’re reading fantasy stories, or anything else that would involve gods, demons, spirits, etc., what do you want when it comes to the pantheons of power in them? What makes a good group of deity-like figures for you? What makes them a part of the book that you’d prefer not to see? What are some examples of this done well?

I’m curious, and I’d like to see how it works for other people before putting out my own thoughts.

Hey everyone. Well, I promised that I’d write something about Pride, so let’s see if I can ramble my way through this.

Pride month is something that we see every year, but I’m not sure that it’s ever meant quite as much as it does this year, at least for me. Every passing year since I started really discovering myself, it’s meant more than the year before, and I wonder if that’s the same for others. Perhaps, perhaps not, but for me, Pride has come to mean more than just a celebration of my asexual self. It’s come to mean something bigger, something more personal.

For me, Pride is more than just an excuse to show myself and be open about my asexuality. I do that anyway, though Pride month is a way to put it on display with all the others out there doing the same thing. It’s a way to connect to others, too, but you can do that at any other time of the year.

For me, Pride is that time where I look at myself, when I measure myself against where I was last year, and I see the things that I’ve realized. I find the places where I grew, the pieces that were burned, the little bits and bobs that flowered differently than I expected, and I see a greater and fuller picture of myself. When Pride rolls around, when I metaphorically get out the flags and banners and pennants and gear that help me show off who I am, I see what still fits and what belonged to a different version of me.

Pride, more than anything else, is the time when I – and I hope you – can look at yourself, and feel all the love in the world for what you are. For who you are. For what and who you can be. The rainbow for Pride is not just a sign that we’re bonded together as a community across all the world and across every country. It is all the light in the world, every color, every shimmer, every hue. In the rainbow, you have every chance to find the light that suits you, the shade that flatters you, and the color that is you. There is no one-size-fits-all, and yes, that’s hard, but it means that here, you can be you.

No matter how shaped we are by society, by our culture, by our family and parents and upbringing, we have a choice. And Pride reminds us how very different we can be, how much we have to search for and find ourselves, and how much of a reward it is. It is our gift to ourselves, to be unique, to be who we want to be.

Pride month is more than just a reminder that we exist. Pride month is our time to say, “This is us.” It is our time to stand on a million stages across the world and shout more than “We are not going anywhere,” but “I am not going anywhere.”

I am asexual.

I am aegosexual.

I could be aromantic, but I might not be.

I write.

I dance.

I sing.

I game.

I am me. I am kinky and I am sex-neutral. I am me. I wave that purple, white, gray, and black flag with happiness and pride. I stand up and speak for anyone that will let me. I will call the praises of every friend that I can claim.

I am me. And that isn’t just enough. I am as much a gift to this world as every single one of you are.

So stand up. Stand up and remember who you are. Stand up and feel it, down in your bones, all the way in your core.

You are worthy of Pride.

You are you. And that is a gift.

State of the Writer: June Update

Well, this was delayed, and I don’t think that we did a May version of this, so, whoops. Time to give a bit more info, I guess.

Things have been rather interesting over the course of April and May. I’ve been up and down regarding keeping up with work. I’ve done a fair bit of it, of course, but at the same time, I ran into a whole lot of, well, life. It was one thing to do my writing work with nothing else on my plate, nothing but working and providing another source of money to my family over the course of many, many years. It’s something else entirely to do this sort of thing as a job for myself when I have another chunk of my life that I want to live. To the people that manage this day in and day out and still live a good life for themselves, you have even more of my respect than before, and I had a lot of that already.

I have yet to find that balance, but I am getting better at it. Little by little, I am experimenting, finding good things in life, enjoying them where I can. And – in a way that’s kind of good, kind of bad – I’m learning how to admit what things I don’t like, too. Which is important, because it means that I can acknowledge when my life has something in it that I don’t want, but at the same time, it’s a bit awkward because there’s that whole feeling of being a little more miserable because I’m more aware of the feeling instead of burying it.

But such is the complexity of life.

Things are a bit slow at the moment, as I’m currently in London, as was the tradition pre-COVID to visit a friend outside the country for a month or two. The plan was to come here for two months again, and that means doing things more slowly – much more slowly, but still doing things – but it’s also different this time.

In the past, all my visits to the UK were genuinely an escape from a rather dull, constrictive sort of life. I enjoyed pieces of my family, and there were things that I would occasionally miss about being with them in the UK, but I was never homesick to the same degree most people are. This time, however, I feel more…off. I miss my apartment, my roommate, my time in my own kitchen, having this feeling of living my own life, and all that.

To be clear, it’s not a *bad* feeling, but it is a huge contrast, like there’s more that I’m missing by not being home than before. Not enough to make me feel miserable here, but I am more homesick than I’ve ever been before, and it makes two months feel like a bit of a bad decision in hindsight.

But, I guess it’s all part of the learning process.

So, those are most of the updates with the ‘state of the writer’ stuff. I’ll be doing a Pride Month journal hopefully later this week, we’ll see, so I’ll yap about my thoughts on Pride, asexuality, and more.

See you there, and be well.

Well, that was a massive list, as I kind of expected that it would be. Let's go through the winners from each side (and when I say winners, how many signed up on each site).

Furaffinity

 Jagger8090 for 1 10-pager.
 Ak-56 for 1 10-pager.
 a-lycotonum for 3 miniseries chapters.
 repanbo for 1 10-pager.
 Zohaku for 1 9-pager.
 Guderian for 2 miniseries chapters.
 GlynWolf for 1 sponsored Ace on Tape, 2 sponsored Lylat Wars XXX, and 1 uploading sponsorship.
 Catsithx for 3 miniseries chapters.
 Lightsun168 for 4 miniseries chapters.
 Gezro for 1 10-pager.
 Technophile34 for 2 miniseries chapters.
 Engy for 4 miniseries chapters.
 Damiekinz for 3 miniseries chapters.
 RayO_ElGatubelo for 3 miniseries chapters.
 Togswitch for 1 6-pager.
 MatchstickWL for 4 miniseries chapters.
 giver for 2 miniseries chapters.
 Drackonthanri for 1 10-pager.
 Anthroperson_18 for 2 sponsored Obsessive chapters.
 harute11 for 3 miniseries chapters.
 Roureem for 1 10-pager and 1 sponsored Starfox Adventures Parody chapter.
 EyeofHorus789 for 1 10-pager and 1 sponsored chapter.
 sonic232 for 3 miniseries chapters.
 SaltirePhoenix for 2 miniseries chapters.

(for those of you counting, that's 55 slots, 31 more than I'd usually take)

SoFurry

Mizzukat for 4 miniseries chapters
John_Doe12346 for 4 miniseries chapters
CodySun for 4 miniseries chapters

InkBunny

Anon for 3 miniseries chapters
bbbuuu for 1 9-pager.

Total of 71 slots compared to the usual 24. God help me.

Anyway, let's get this show on the road. Grats, all. Go to the link here and copy the template, fill it out, and send it to me at spencer-gorman[at]hotmail.com

Hello everyone, time to table up the winners. Let's go through the list.

SoFurry Winners

John_Doe12346 for 4 miniseries chapters
Mizzukat for 4 miniseries chapters

FurAffinity Winners

 PineconePangolin for 3 miniseries chapters
 KatKaneki for 1 10-pager
 giver for 2 miniseries chapters
 GlynWolf for 3 sponsored stories
 NerubianKnight for 1 sponsored story
 ArsNovaGod for 1 10-pager
 3rdHarleyJoe for 1 9-pager
 Engy for 4 miniseries chapters.

Congratulations, everyone.

Please get to sending me your write-ups as fast as possible. You can find the template here, so please go ahead and fill that out and email it to me at spencer-gorman[at]hotmail.com . Looking forward to working with you.

Well, another cycle, another set of winners. They are:

 VeronicaFoxx for 1 10-pager
 TheLazyDrake for 1 10-pager
 Kacacarrotcake for 4 miniseries chapters
 Engy for 4 miniseries chapters
 Leon_Therma for 1 10-pager
 Catsithx for 3 miniseries chapters
 Technophile34 for 1 10-pager
 Sanmer for 1 10-pager
 sonic232 for 4 miniseries chapters
 a-lycotonum for 3 miniseries chapters
 Caroo for 1 10-pager

Congratulations, everyone.

Please get to sending me your write-ups as fast as possible. You can find the template here, so please go ahead and fill that out and email it to me at spencer-gorman[at]hotmail.com . Looking forward to working with you.

Being in a cycle, problematic or not, is like being around the most reliable companions you've ever had. They're always there. You know when they're going to arrive, when they're going to leave, and what they're going to do.

It's reliable.

It's almost comfortable.

Why do you think it's so hard to break a cycle once you've been set in one? The mental rut is not just a physical neural thing, it is its own reward. The self-fulfilling prophecy, the knowledge of your fate, the lack of uncertainty: the cycle fulfills all of that and more.

To break a cycle means breaking off from all that familiarity. It means giving up on things that you're used to. It means you may never have any of those things again. And sometimes, that makes a bad cycle even harder to break. Because that can be the only certainty you have.

But here's the thing.

Uncertainty is scary...but it's also boundless. It has no shape. It's up to you to put a shape to it. And wouldn't you like that power for the first time in your life?

I know I do. I don't know what life I'm making, but it's mine, now.

Make your life your own. It is SO worth it.