I've recently picked up playing guild wars 2. I'm new to the game but not MMOs. I'm looking for other players. I have nearly 8 years invested in various MMOs and have played in high level content with all of them. Hit me up if you play it.

Why is even the simple things in life riddled with conflict? This time it goes to one of my last bastions of entertainment, online games. I'm a bit of a semi-serious player when it comes to my games and I've been all the big ones, Everquest, WoW, even Rift had me entertained for a bit. Currently the plague that is LoL finds itself taking up most of my gaming time and while I enjoy the game greatly there is one little problem that annoys me to no end. The friends that I play with are at best sub-par to par, this is far below my skill level and understanding of the game mechanics. Being a player of Dota, I walked in knowing a fair bit of what to expect and how things would work. And so here in lies my conflict. I tend to do very well when I play by myself but I have mounds less fun which tends to cause me not playing as much, where as when I play with my friends, we lose constantly because well they're just not good but I tend to have a fair bit of fun. I'm all for fun and such but I honestly want to get into the ranked scene and start advancing more into the ranks but I dislike playing alone, just sitting in an room listening to your champion spewing repetitive lines is dull. And I would feel awful to just tell my friends that I don't want to play with them due to their lack of skill since they are really trying. Decisions and problems abound, it's so annoying.

Let's all forget the troubles of life for a moment and return to some of the glory days of our childhoods. Final Fantasy. Whether or not you enjoy the newer games or dislike them as I do is really irrelevant the point is that Final Fantasy has always had nothing short of stunning music. The sheer effort and brilliance that composes nearly every track is always treat for the ears both old and new. Today I want us all to recollect our favorite FF track and please give reasons why you have chosen it. Mine for example came down to two choices that were hard for me to choose between. It is a well known fact that I love FF9 among all the games best and the sound track is no different. It's my favorite of all time. For me it came between two though. I absolutely love Jesters of the Moon for it's fun upbeat tune while being for two of the more bizarre characters in the game Zorn and Thorn, but this was slightly beaten out by the pure musical masterpiece that is Dancing Mad from Final Fantasy 6, Kefka's boss theme for those are aren't huge nerds like myself. As I said I love the other choice but the pure effort that went into Dancing Mad is amazing. It is the Bohemian Rhapsody of video game themes to me. It has classical, rock, slow, fast and nearly everything in between all measured to the perfect does that simply leaves me excited and speechless every time I listen to it. So yes tell me friends I want everyone to give their opinions..

Let's all forget the troubles of life for a moment and return to some of the glory days of our childhoods. Final Fantasy. Whether or not you enjoy the newer games or dislike them as I do is really irrelevant the point is that Final Fantasy has always had nothing short of stunning music. The sheer effort and brilliance that composes nearly every track is always treat for the ears both old and new. Today I want us all to recollect our favorite FF track and please give reasons why you have chosen it. Mine for example came down to two choices that were hard for me to choose between. It is a well known fact that I love FF9 among all the games best and the sound track is no different. It's my favorite of all time. For me it came between two though. I absolutely love Jesters of the Moon for it's fun upbeat tune while being for two of the more bizarre characters in the game Zorn and Thorn, but this was slightly beaten out by the pure musical masterpiece that is Dancing Mad from Final Fantasy 6, Kefka's boss theme for those are aren't huge nerds like myself. As I said I love the other choice but the pure effort that went into Dancing Mad is amazing. It is the Bohemian Rhapsody of video game themes to me. It has classical, rock, slow, fast and nearly everything in between all measured to the perfect does that simply leaves me excited and speechless every time I listen to it. So yes tell me friends I want everyone to give their opinions..

Well my friend was nice enough to give me his old gameboy sp. Yes I know I'm very behind the times leave me alone. But in that gift he forgot to tell me that there was no charge cable for it so now I have it a library of games and can't play any of them. So if anyone has a cable lying around that they don't use I'd love to work something out to get it.

Hello again those few people that read these things another update for your masochistic eyes. I have been spending a lot of time to myself lately and have come to the conclusion that I have been denying for a very long time. My friends that are happy and having a good time right now in life. I hate you all. I am jealous and consumed by envy due to the fact that no matter how hard I try or work I can never get ahead. This is pointless and petty but I don't care anymore. The happiness of others pisses me off. I makes me angry and I want want to just splatter the walls with their blood and that is no exaggeration. I am violent and don't care anymore. The endless nights of crippling depression and rising anger have won out. So if you are currently having a good life or something good is finally working out for you. Go die in a ditch. No I won't be happy for you I will hold nothing but contempt for you and your joy. You can hate me in return and frankly I would encourage it. Break yourself down to my level. Experience what I do daily and maybe you'll appreciate what you have more afterward. Post your pity as comments or the rants about me being a petty dick. Go for it. There is nothing that you can do to me to make me care or do anything else. I want blood. I want suffering. I want hatred. I am what the world makes me. Look at it and judge for yourself.

Well it's been a month or so since my last update so here goes another one. I'm still in a bad way for one way or another. Things always teetering from bad to worse. The usual slew of things depression, loneliness and general self contempt for being stuck in the situation that I'm in but I'm not here to complain about all that since you've all heard it from me before. I really write these journals more for myself than for anyone else. Putting my thoughts down help me organize my thoughts. I hate the people I'm living with and my job is giving me one day a week in hours which is crippling me and yes I've talked to everyone possible about getting more hours so don't bother with advice. I am slowly degenerating into depression and malicious thinking. I can keep all that suppressed for now though I wish I had some sort of outlet for it all. Oh well that's life ain't it folks? We all have went through it. My only hope is that I can make it for just a little bit longer. I know a lot of you praise me for my endurance and patience but even stone wears away under the flow of time.

My endless search for awesome art is peaking once again. To all my awesome artist friends I am looking for a new picture. Help me out and I'll pimp you out like New York hooker.

Well life is giving me it's usual sick mix of good and bad luck for anyone that cares. I am getting more hours at work but am having to move from the place I'm currently living at. This sucks. I was rather happy. I enjoy my job and having my own place but it looks as if I might be moving back in with friends. Which annoys me to no end. I like being by myself simply because no one that lives near me doesn't understand the first thing about me. Mostly because it would end up in group beatings if my town found out by either being a furry or being bisexual. But yeah that's mostly it for now.


Words from the shadow.
Shade.

I just recently got an iguana and I love him so much. He is sooooo cute and does funny stuff like posing for the camera to make a good picture. he makes me really happy which is good since I needed a reason in these tough times.

I feel that I need to explain myself to quite a few people that have been worrying about me in the past few weeks. Well I have been distant and even cold I am aware of this. For those of you the know me well then you know that I have my own way of dealing with things. It doesn't always make sense but it is my way to cope. Lately the way I have not been in my best state of mind. I have just endure a very scary part of my life and on top of that there have been many self worth issues and even questions about my existence itself. I am not well. All my close friends are very far away and I rarely get to talk to them and other people that have attached themselves to me I keep pushing away because I just don't return the feelings that they have towards me. I'm not a social person. And I get close to very few people. Honestly I could count all my loved ones on one claw. I admit that I need help with these problems. Seeing happy people and couples sickens and anger me. Then I become ashamed for these feelings. I feel so empty and isolated. I don't want to become one of those broken bitter people that hates everyone. I want to fight against it. I need to find a way soon as well. I'm running out of fake smiles to show people and I need to replace them with real ones again.

Well guys I'm down to just under 9 days before I have to find a new place to live. For those of you that tried to help bless you all you have a special place in my heart. For those of you that didn't give me a "good luck" the you can go die in a ditch somewhere for all I care ((this doesn't include people that don't check their journals often due to business)). I will try to get on and check this when I can and try to let people know how I am doing. But other than that I will be completely without a computer or phone so no one will be able to contact me other than e-mails and messages that I will check at the public library during my 30 minutes a day there. I will miss you all and try to use your memories to keep me warm during the cold nights ahead that threaten my health and even my life. Good bye everyone love you all.

Shade.

I need help guys. I have tried to put this off for as long as I can. This month I am being kicked out of my home and before you suggest any kinda assistance living yes I have considered it and it hasn't panned out. I am currently working but I just don't make enough to support myself. So I am looking to leave the area. I wish to move in with someone that I could actually be myself around unlike the way that I have been having to hide myself here. So if you or anyone you know is looking for a potential room mate then send me a message and we can discuss it further. thanks for listening.

for all my friends out there please commison my friend Wessie http://www.furaffinity.net/user/weisswinddragon He really needs to cash ^^

If you seek to understand me then simply listen and read.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tdHy.....eature=related

I am a shadow, you will see me and forget me. We are ever present and never recognized, we are the lost and the forgotten, We are those that you see and do not know is there, you know we exist yet you do not acknowledge us. And when we fade from this world we are neither missed nor mourned nor remembered for what we did or who we knew. I am a shadow and this fate is mine.

I am looking for a long term rp partner to help me advance my character's story. These will me long rps and I would prefer a partner of the fantasy variety since I am already quite mystic in nature and rather old. Anyone interested hit me up and I'll get to you about it.

Looking back on my life it has been hard and unfair. I have been stepped on at every turn and stopped at every door that opens up up to me and looking back on all of that you know what I have realized? I have survived every single thing. Nothing can stop me from living and growing. I have endured much and will endure more but I will never stop or give in. People may ignore my existence and toss me aside when they are done but I will merely stand up dust myself off and wander off into the night to the next person that needs me. I live for my friends and for that reason I have to remain strong and outlast them all.

I'm not really one to talk about my personal feelings online so that others can see my emotions but some people found some good help on here talking about it so I think I will give it a try myself....

A lot of people look up to me as a brother figure or the like and until now I have been happy to fill that role for them just being there for them whenever they needed a shoulder to cry on but lately it has just felt wrong comforting these people and giving them advice when I am such a bad situation of my own. Despite every effort and idea I have come up with I have not been able to get out of burdening people and I am out of ideas and at the end of my rope. Lack of job opportunities, one failed relationship after another, people abandoning all over the place, it is a lot for one person to bear and to top it all off I am looking in the face of homelessness for a second time. I don't expect anyone's pity or help I just needed to say these things and get them off my chest and I thank anyone for listening and those few that stuck by me through it all.

I've been looking for a long time for the thing people call happiness. Some say it exists others say it doesn't so tell this dragon...what is your definition of happiness? I'd like to see if I have the capacity for such a thing.

I've recently been thinking about a new look for myself and would like any artist that is looking to be generous to help me out hehe I was thinking of giving my normally dark look a touch up with a nice big grin mixed with some clown make up. Anyone interested hit me up ^.=.^

I'm not what you would call a overly happy person in fact most times I barely crack a smile but I do try however because my "friends" tell me that they want to see me smile more. So what do I do? I take the advice and get a few pics of me not being all doom and gloom and smiling trying to be happy and fun. I simply follow the advice of good friends and I admit it felt good until I get their responses from my stuff..."it's just creepy Shade." "Not used to seeing you with a smile" these are real comments that I got. So my happiness is creepy. I guess I know what is meant for me.