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Its been a while...
Posted 2 years agoHey, its been some time since I've done anything here. A lot has happened, but the bulk of it was in the past year. I don't know if I'll be able to express everything in this, but I'll try to.
Its been a little over a year since my father passed away, I got the call from the dialysis center that he was in that his heart stopped working and that they were trying to revive him as they were taking him to the hospital. I felt panic just wash over me like a cold shower that was laced in ice, by the time I was able to get ready and head to the hospital I called my brother and told him what was going on. I felt that fine thread that was keeping my mind together about to snap. I was hoping, praying to any one that it was going to be okay, but it was a roller coaster till the very end. They were able to get his heart working again, but it was a whole forty five minutes when his heart stopped, he was in a coma, me and my brother didn't know if he was coming back the same or at all at that point. My brother came down from Orlando to check up on me and our father while he was in the hospital recovering, he had a family that needed him so he couldn't stay for long, so most of the time I would be at the house that me and my dad shared alone, thinking to myself if their was anything that I could of done that would have made this different, was this my fault that he was this way.
Fast forwarding a bit, on a day that me and my brother went to see him, we got a little glimmer of hope, he woke up, he remembered us, but something was different about him. He was still in a half wake and half dazed state, but he was nodding at least to some of the thing that me and my brother were asking him. The doctors wanted to do more tests to figure out the reason why his heart stopped working, they also mentioned that they don't know if he was ever going to be the same after his heart was at a stop for more then forty five minutes, their could be brain damage from the lack of oxygen. My brother, since he was the eldest, gave the no resuscitate order if something were to happen.
It was five in the morning, October seventeenth, the doctors called me about proceeding with the procedure, in a half woke tone I gave them the go ahead and blessed to hope that everything will be fine. In the time while that was happening, I woke up and got my computer to take my mind off things. It was around two in the afternoon when my brother came over, he didn't call me till he was in the drive way and told me to come outside. He told me the doctors called, they found that bacteria was on the back side of his heart eating away at the muscle that cause the heart failure, but he also told me that he passed away after the procedure was completed. My mind turned white, I couldn't think, I couldn't even cry, I just stared blankly at my brother through him and into nothing. My world shattered that day, both my mother and father who I was charged of taking care of both gone one after another, I felt lost.
A month later I moved to Orlando to be with my brother and his family, they took me in after we decided to sell the house, I transferred jobs from my current one while looking for another one. While also looking for an apartment to be in, but wont be for a while till the house sells and could get the money from that to afford one. I thankfully found another job at a school as their school tech, I was happy that I was able to land something that momentous, things were starting to look better. At the beginning of this new job, everything felt new and exciting, but I would soon later find out that it was not everything that it was cracked up to be. I was only one to manage both schools, over fifteen hundred devices from the students and all the devices that the teachers had as well on top of that, I would come home exhausted and mind spent, I was not enjoying this. My leg would ache every day from the other on job injury that I had, I didn't know what to do.
Around that time, the house sold, I was able to find a apartment and I was living on my own for the first time since I left my birth home. I needed a change, one more time, during a meeting with the school heads at both schools I told them I would be stepping down and quitting effective that day. I've explained to them all the things that were happening in my life up to this point, my father passing away, transferring jobs, moving twice, their is only so many life changing events that can happen in a year that the mind can handle at once. They were sympathetic and understood, I needed to mentally take better care of myself, too much has happened in my life, both of the principles had doctors degrees in psychology and I guess could understand on how I was feeling, I was just crying that I just made the most difficult decision of my life to try and better myself.
I turned in my badge, I apologized that I was not able to live up to their expectations, but they said to not worry about it and told me that I hoped that I would get better after I sorted my self, they wished me good luck and I left. Side note, I will not recommend working at a school district, way too much work and not enough pay for the stress that it comes with.
So, here I am today, I'm doing well, had a lot to think on and side projects to work on and came to a conclusion, I want to go back to streaming. I've had a lot of fun doing that, it seems to be the best for me at the moment since I'm physically not able to do a lot, I've also went to MFF for the first time which was a lot of fun. It was a little rocky at first, but I was able to see a lot of people that I hang out with in VRChat. That gave me a lot of new and happy memories that I won't forget anytime soon. If you're reading this, thanks for sticking to the end of this. Also, no matter the hurdles that we face in life, no matter how high that jump is to make it to the next ledge, you can do it, keep trying and you can make that leap.
With love
Danny
Its been a little over a year since my father passed away, I got the call from the dialysis center that he was in that his heart stopped working and that they were trying to revive him as they were taking him to the hospital. I felt panic just wash over me like a cold shower that was laced in ice, by the time I was able to get ready and head to the hospital I called my brother and told him what was going on. I felt that fine thread that was keeping my mind together about to snap. I was hoping, praying to any one that it was going to be okay, but it was a roller coaster till the very end. They were able to get his heart working again, but it was a whole forty five minutes when his heart stopped, he was in a coma, me and my brother didn't know if he was coming back the same or at all at that point. My brother came down from Orlando to check up on me and our father while he was in the hospital recovering, he had a family that needed him so he couldn't stay for long, so most of the time I would be at the house that me and my dad shared alone, thinking to myself if their was anything that I could of done that would have made this different, was this my fault that he was this way.
Fast forwarding a bit, on a day that me and my brother went to see him, we got a little glimmer of hope, he woke up, he remembered us, but something was different about him. He was still in a half wake and half dazed state, but he was nodding at least to some of the thing that me and my brother were asking him. The doctors wanted to do more tests to figure out the reason why his heart stopped working, they also mentioned that they don't know if he was ever going to be the same after his heart was at a stop for more then forty five minutes, their could be brain damage from the lack of oxygen. My brother, since he was the eldest, gave the no resuscitate order if something were to happen.
It was five in the morning, October seventeenth, the doctors called me about proceeding with the procedure, in a half woke tone I gave them the go ahead and blessed to hope that everything will be fine. In the time while that was happening, I woke up and got my computer to take my mind off things. It was around two in the afternoon when my brother came over, he didn't call me till he was in the drive way and told me to come outside. He told me the doctors called, they found that bacteria was on the back side of his heart eating away at the muscle that cause the heart failure, but he also told me that he passed away after the procedure was completed. My mind turned white, I couldn't think, I couldn't even cry, I just stared blankly at my brother through him and into nothing. My world shattered that day, both my mother and father who I was charged of taking care of both gone one after another, I felt lost.
A month later I moved to Orlando to be with my brother and his family, they took me in after we decided to sell the house, I transferred jobs from my current one while looking for another one. While also looking for an apartment to be in, but wont be for a while till the house sells and could get the money from that to afford one. I thankfully found another job at a school as their school tech, I was happy that I was able to land something that momentous, things were starting to look better. At the beginning of this new job, everything felt new and exciting, but I would soon later find out that it was not everything that it was cracked up to be. I was only one to manage both schools, over fifteen hundred devices from the students and all the devices that the teachers had as well on top of that, I would come home exhausted and mind spent, I was not enjoying this. My leg would ache every day from the other on job injury that I had, I didn't know what to do.
Around that time, the house sold, I was able to find a apartment and I was living on my own for the first time since I left my birth home. I needed a change, one more time, during a meeting with the school heads at both schools I told them I would be stepping down and quitting effective that day. I've explained to them all the things that were happening in my life up to this point, my father passing away, transferring jobs, moving twice, their is only so many life changing events that can happen in a year that the mind can handle at once. They were sympathetic and understood, I needed to mentally take better care of myself, too much has happened in my life, both of the principles had doctors degrees in psychology and I guess could understand on how I was feeling, I was just crying that I just made the most difficult decision of my life to try and better myself.
I turned in my badge, I apologized that I was not able to live up to their expectations, but they said to not worry about it and told me that I hoped that I would get better after I sorted my self, they wished me good luck and I left. Side note, I will not recommend working at a school district, way too much work and not enough pay for the stress that it comes with.
So, here I am today, I'm doing well, had a lot to think on and side projects to work on and came to a conclusion, I want to go back to streaming. I've had a lot of fun doing that, it seems to be the best for me at the moment since I'm physically not able to do a lot, I've also went to MFF for the first time which was a lot of fun. It was a little rocky at first, but I was able to see a lot of people that I hang out with in VRChat. That gave me a lot of new and happy memories that I won't forget anytime soon. If you're reading this, thanks for sticking to the end of this. Also, no matter the hurdles that we face in life, no matter how high that jump is to make it to the next ledge, you can do it, keep trying and you can make that leap.
With love
Danny
Life has been one hell of a ride.
Posted 5 years ago So, its been one hell of a journey to get to where I am now, I don't know where to begin. Just felt like writing this down cause of how hard it has been for the last two and a half years. But here it goes, after my time with Tiger-direct came to a close I didn't know where to go, the place was going out of business and the store became empty. I was sitting in the break room trying to figure thing out on how to find another job, on top of that I lost a friend from a fall out argument, it felt like it was going down hill. But one on my managers came to me in the back and told me that someone was looking for me, they mentioned that they were looking for people to see if anyone needed a job. I was excited for this possibility that I went to see what this was about, this is where I met a person named Galy, he was cool and pretty down to earth, he was looking for new people to join him at his business. We talk a little there and exchanged some contact info, we had a little impromptu interview in the middle of the store, I was excited and nervous, he invited me to do a formal interview at this store. So I went, put on my best look and got the job, I was happy, I had the most easiest transition from work place to work place I had in years, but after a while Tiger-direct finally closed and said goodbye to that chapter of my life and opened a fresh new page to write down all the new things I hoped to experience.
But lets fast forward a bit, two and a half years later, I lost that job, I was let go for making a misdiagnosis on a computer and made the client upset with the place I work at, I was heart broken, I loved working there, all the people that I met the things that I learned, I just.... broke. I spent three months trying to look for a job, spent all I saved up, I was in a absolute downward spiral I had to make a compromise. I applied to Walmart. I was in dire need of a job and I knew it was my only option at this point, so I got it, I was happy, but it wasn't like a I made it happy it was a I hope things will work out happy. I started my work at Walmart as a cashier, dealing with all sorts of people, I got used to it, I had the thought in my head, this is where it ends. I would leave work everyday more sad that I would be, come into work repressing my emotions and feelings to be a drone, I was coming close to asking myself that very bad question, am I worth being alive now. One night, I was about to leave work, was cleaning up my station and and was five minutes to clocking out, I was asked to help get the shopping carts cause no one was here to do them, so I said yes, my first mistake that will change my life forever. I went out with another person to help with this, they took a machine called a mule to help push the carts while I helped sear in the front. We were on the way back, had to make a turn, so I started to push the giant line of carts, towards the end of the turn, my ankle gives out and I felt on the ground, everything went white and I heard a pop that traveled up to my ears, I couldn't hear as I went deaf for a short while and the person that I was with ran over to me asking if I was ok. I told him that I was, but in reality I was not, I tried to get up with my right foot, but I couldn't, I could barely move my right foot. Now at this point, I was panicking, I knew what a sprained ankle was, I had them before, but this was different, I reported it with my work and made a claim for it. More time passes, I came back to the doctors office that did the first evaluation and gave them the results on a CD, after a little while he came back, I was assuming that it was a bad ankle roll, even he told me that it was a bad ankle roll, but the answer that came from him was much worse that I thought. I tore my right Achilles tendon.
It was eight months, I had the surgery, eight months, stayed at home, eight damn months, I did nothing but heal. Depression, anger, sadness, helplessness, all of the feelings and I couldn't do a damn thing. I just wanted to end it all, Walmart paid for the treatment, I didn't take them to court, even though everyone was telling me to, I didn't want to shoot myself in the foot again. But after the Doc that did the surgery said I was okay to head back to work, I was afraid, I lost all confidence in myself, I was broken. I spent three more months at Walmart, I didn't want this, I was placed as a phone operator, I could barely walk, my leg was swollen, I had to talk to someone. I talked to one of the girls that worked with me, about the whole situation of things, she gave me some life advice that I won't forget. You need to pick yourself up, even if you're in a dark hole alone, you have to fight for what you want, get stronger only then life will become worth living. On that third month, that friend that I had a fall out with, we started to talk again from other friends telling me that he wanted to talk to me, I was not so sure at first, but went in not knowing what will happen. We made up, he realized the things he did wrong and said that he was sorry for it, I didn't really had no malicious thoughts towards him and I forgave him. I cried on the way home, maybe it was a sign for things to come, we talked more and he mentioned that he can get me a job, in a place that was in my field of work, Best Buy, as an repair tech, I jumped at that with out a moment to lose. To say the least, I got the job, I've been there for now 8 months and I love it! My leg has been getting better, I'm feeling better both physically and mentally, my anxiety is all but gone and haven't had a single thought of depression since. For once in my life, I can finally say before this year ends.
I'm happy.
Thank you.I still live!
Posted 9 years agoYay for life and all that jazz, its been a while since I've done anything and posted anything new. But here I am, with new realization and slowly crawling out of my hole. A week ago today I came to the discovery that I'm Bi, no longer curious mind you. Things have happened and I'm glad for said things to happen as well, it felt like a huge weight was lifted from my chest and I can finally breath once more. For people that have stood by me and pushed me to try, I thank you, I don't really need to say who they are cause they know what has happened. I feel like I did a good.
Bear out
Peace Things be changing.
Posted 10 years agoIts been a while since I've made a new journal, but lets start with a recap of whats been going on so far.The old place I use to work at, Tiger Direct, closed locally around march of this year. Was bummed about it since it was a easy job and it involved something I liked doing, which was fixing computers. But During the time that it was closing I was recruited by another place to work for them, low and behold it was another computer repair place. I was super happy that this landed in my lap, but after a week went by I started at this new place and I was panicking pretty bad for the first few weeks.
I was thinking to myself "What if I was no good here.", "What if I screw up?", but after some friends encouraged me I was filled with "Determination" to try my best at it. Its been over 6 months and I'm still with this company and its been going good so far, I've gotten used to things now and still learning new things along the way. I love my otter 
BlazeTheOtter , he gave me the encouragement I needed when I first started.
Also I have a new computer now, its super nice with all the newest shiny things as well. But I think that is it for the most part of things, hopefully I can write more journals when things move along. Till then, stay chill. 
BlazeTheOtterI have a.........
Posted 11 years ago.....Mac now!!!!!
Finally after so long I finally have a iMac, well not a new one that is. A customer from work gave it to me since it had a busted screen, I'm currently trying to nurse it back to working condition now. But with out the funds to get the new screen I can't really do much with it now, so I'll wait a while till I can get some new parts for it and I'll clean it up a bit. It looks practically new and that guy really took care of it, that is till the screen died. But I'm happy now that I have a mac! So many upgrades I have in mind, but more on that later.
Later everyone
PeaceI'm still alive, meh...
Posted 11 years agoHoly crap, I'm still around! I was sure that the ton of things that did not happen would have done something to be by now. But meh what are you gona do. I'm still here, not really doing anything at the moment now but tryin to get some motivation on taking some more pictures of things to make use of a program that I bought not too long ago. I need ideas of things to take pictures of since I'm no good an coming up with some of my own. Maybe a beach at sunrise, that's a good possibility maybe. I'll aim for that for now.
I'll be around
Stay beautiful everyone!
PeaceFree art & animation Reffle
Posted 12 years agoGo here for more details about it http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/5271950/ it will be awesome! Pokemon!!!
Posted 12 years agoHad Pokemon Y for a while now, its really fun, just wish I had more friends to play it with.
2277-6816-5021 add me :D
Sythra's hookah ych raffle
Posted 12 years agoHookah YCH pic that 
SythraWolf is doin, go take a look.
SythraWolfIts that time of the year again....
Posted 12 years agoIt's time for Halloween Horror Nights!! Yep, once again I will be going to HHN this year for new thrills and chills as well as taking some new pictures of all the scary things that go bump in the night. Its gona be a blast and I can't wait to start heading out to Orlando, if anyone is going I hope to see you there.You like free stuff...
Posted 12 years agoOf course you do, so that's why 
Apes is doing a free sketch stream of stuff.
> Click here to see what's going on http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/5059471/ <
ApesWhat does a fox sound like?
Posted 12 years agoI don't know but this video might help.
New logo design!!
Posted 12 years agoI updated my logo design, and it looks really nice now. I made it from scratch with a few reference ideas and I really like on how it turned out.
I also updated one of my pictures with the new design too, its this one.
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/9632144/
Took me a while to finish this but in the end I think I needed this since the last logo design looked a bit trashy. I'm happy with it and now all of my new pictures will look very professional with the new watermark.Volunteers needed for things
Posted 12 years ago apes needs some volunteers for some art that their doing
go check it out http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/4983548/Raffle!!!!
Posted 12 years ago
ZalikaGreat....
Posted 12 years ago.... I now have a twitter account now, *sigh* I guess it was bound to happen any ways. But I guess its not a bad thing to have, at least I can keep in contact with all my friends who have twitter now :D.
But here is some shameless plugging
Follow me on twitter @Danny_Be_BearMegaplex!!!
Posted 12 years agoJust came back from Megaplex 2013 with 
randar and I must say I had a blast. All the new people that I meet were awesome and all the partys that we had were great. I only wished it could of lasted a bit longer, but as do all good things they all must come to a end.
But when it comes down to it I has a amazing time with all the new people that I meet. Hope to meet you all again and thanks for the good times :DSome awesome free art!
Posted 12 years agoSo yea 
is holding a free raffle for a ych type thing, the art looks amazing go check it out.
Sorry forgot the link for it. http://www.furaffinity.net/view/10881361
So today is my B day....
Posted 12 years agoWill be working later today and getting my self two new monitors as a gift to my self.
... then I'm gona get plastered at my house. That's about it.Feelin better :)
Posted 12 years agoThe past couple of days I felt more up beat and more playful. I also kinda popped my back when I was in the shower when stretching (in a good way and I was not doing anything naughty).
Went out with a few friends last night and 
and one other friend, drove around, chilled and poked fun at each other for laughs. I also got some new games to play, the new Dead Island and the new Tomb Raider game, I'll be playin them for a while.
Over all had a good time
Peace.:/
Posted 12 years agoBeen feeling a bit down lately, got drunk 2 nights ago, blacked out and had a small concussion.
Just don't feel like doing much, just been mostly in my room in isolation from the out side world.
*sigh*
later...
Just don't feel like doing much, just been mostly in my room in isolation from the out side world.
*sigh*
later...
You like T-shirts...
Posted 12 years ago... Of course you do, you like them with foxes on them, well then do I have a place for you to check out.
Go to http://huskybusiness.net/foxbusiness and check out this awesome shirt from the very talented
grisser .
He makes the most awesome shirts T's you ever seen.
From a very dapper bear shirt to a awesome fox business shirt, how can you go wrong with that!
So go check him out at this site
> http://huskybusiness.net <
You'll like what you see.
Go to http://huskybusiness.net/foxbusiness and check out this awesome shirt from the very talented
grisser .He makes the most awesome shirts T's you ever seen.
From a very dapper bear shirt to a awesome fox business shirt, how can you go wrong with that!
So go check him out at this site
> http://huskybusiness.net <
You'll like what you see.
Upgrades Upgrades and more Upgrades..
Posted 12 years agoSo here is the deal, I was starting to feel the urge to upgrade my computer but did not see the need to, till one day. I was gona start using SLI set up for my computer to up my GFx (for ppl who don't know that SLI is http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scalab.....Link_Interface) but ran into a problem. Every time that I enabled it I would get weird things happen, from having very bad artifacting (link again http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Digital_artifact) to were the image on the screen starts to shake with the artifacting.
I started to stress test both cards individually, but that wasn't the problem. Then I started to test them in different slots, I only have three slots to go from and I had a one in three chance that it could be a bad slot. I was sad to find out that it was a slot that was going bad, I was kinda bummed out that it was my MB going bad. But it gave me a great opportunity to make a new computer, since I had most of the parts for it the only thing I would need to do is change out the MB and CPU.
But now with a clean bill of health from yours truly its now a power house machine to do all the gaming and photo editing that I need.
That's it for now.
Peace.
P.S.
I will be updating my Info page to reflect the updates that I have done to my computer.
I started to stress test both cards individually, but that wasn't the problem. Then I started to test them in different slots, I only have three slots to go from and I had a one in three chance that it could be a bad slot. I was sad to find out that it was a slot that was going bad, I was kinda bummed out that it was my MB going bad. But it gave me a great opportunity to make a new computer, since I had most of the parts for it the only thing I would need to do is change out the MB and CPU.
But now with a clean bill of health from yours truly its now a power house machine to do all the gaming and photo editing that I need.
That's it for now.
Peace.
P.S.
I will be updating my Info page to reflect the updates that I have done to my computer.
Re-edits!!!
Posted 12 years agoI have about 14 shots of Randar and blitz_shepherd, when I first took them and I was done editing them I thought that they looked great. But after much debating I decided to re-edit them.
Lucky for me I still had the originals of when I first took the shots.
After some tweaking and a fresh coat of paint its now to the point to were I like it.
Peace.
Randar and 
blitz_shepherd, when I first took them and I was done editing them I thought that they looked great. But after much debating I decided to re-edit them.Lucky for me I still had the originals of when I first took the shots.
After some tweaking and a fresh coat of paint its now to the point to were I like it.
Peace.
So yea, this dude here.....
Posted 12 years ago...
AMWULF Is having some major computer problems and its to the point that he might be needed a new awesome computer to make all of this awesome arts for everyone.
So if ya wana take a peak at what he is offering up that would be cool.
Oh and one more thing, he does theme group arts that are really awesome (and if I might add very sexy).
I think the theme for this one is Mechanics and Firefighters. So if you ever had the thought of being a Mechanic or a Firefighter while doing some naughty thing I would suggest you then check here.
http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/4364936/
Thanks for lookin
Peace
AMWULF Is having some major computer problems and its to the point that he might be needed a new awesome computer to make all of this awesome arts for everyone.So if ya wana take a peak at what he is offering up that would be cool.
Oh and one more thing, he does theme group arts that are really awesome (and if I might add very sexy).
I think the theme for this one is Mechanics and Firefighters. So if you ever had the thought of being a Mechanic or a Firefighter while doing some naughty thing I would suggest you then check here.
http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/4364936/
Thanks for lookin
Peace
