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Backies!!
Posted 10 years agoI'm back, left for stupid reasons, that and I couldn't post. @w@
Status Update
Posted 11 years agoGood news: Got new tablet. :) Yays~
Good-er News: It's a Cintiq. :D WHOOO!!
Bad news: I'm sick and have been for a while. D: Bleh...
Worse news: Tablet shows my desktop, but now icons, dosen't show applications I opened up with my mouse on the computer. Have issues with mouse visibility and movement (especially things involving the taskbar). DX fffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff*$^!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Good-er News: It's a Cintiq. :D WHOOO!!
Bad news: I'm sick and have been for a while. D: Bleh...
Worse news: Tablet shows my desktop, but now icons, dosen't show applications I opened up with my mouse on the computer. Have issues with mouse visibility and movement (especially things involving the taskbar). DX fffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff*$^!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I've Returned
Posted 12 years agoWell, suppose I'm coming back. It's been a while and good to be back. Had a great loss of ambition to make much, but I have made some new things so, I'll be posting those shortly after this journal. I'm not sure how frequent I'll be for posts; therefor, I wouldn't hold your breath for that, you'll suffocate, but rest assured I'll be putting up art again (little as I've made in these past years). My art style has shifted a bit. Improved? Maybe. That's up to you, the viewers to decide. Still drawing Sonic stuff, even though it does look more like typical anthro --I say 'typical' because anthro is anthro-- respectively. I've noted my new waters, and that is comforting. Thanks for the patience if you had it.
Wellll CRAP!
Posted 15 years agoI'm certainly guessing most of my gallery may be crippled because of the recent ban on cub art, I think I may just leave FA all together if my gallery has to be whipped out.
Hot Sauce
Posted 15 years agoAbout five minutes ago I had some hot sauce on some food. Despite my better knowledge knowing that it was a few years old, I decided to be venturous. now my tongue feels like it's bleeding at the back, my stomach feels like it's digesting razorblades, ears are ringing, I'm shaking, and my legs are tingling. I say this because I'm curious if anyone has had something that evoked aftereffects like these. lol
Coming back with Remorse
Posted 15 years agoHi everyone...
Guess I should start off with an apology. I'm sorry for up and out going crazy. I just have had so much on my plate for so long. Having MS I've been having to go to the hospital every four weeks to get blood drawn and get medicine pumped into me; it's just been too much for me to take, and even after that's all done I have to give myself shots for the rest of my life to keep my condition from flaring up again. Atop that I also have other surprise appointments, some of which involve me having to get my wisdom teeth yanked out, get caps, also have a root canal done.
This go without saying that all of that it has surfaced a lot of mental problems, some of which it has also worsened. My bipolar disorder has become so bad I can actually feel my emotions changing before they even had. I spend a lot of time in a pit of depression before I fly into a rage. I can't describe any of you how hard it is on me, but most of that is from having to work so hard to get something to work correctly, which never really does in my eyes. Within me it has brewed a resentment of some people who I feel don't have to work nearly as hard as me and still get more attention. I'm not pointing fingers, but that's just how my mind is...
This isn't out of a cry for pity, but I would just appreciate more input on my art. I don't feel that favorites mean much to me if there are no words to say just how well I'm doing, or what I could do different, or change all together. I don't know, I suppose just hearing some critique would help to bring my spirits up. I prefer for them not to be vulgar without reason, just something constructive if anyone could help it.
From what I've said above you could say my heart and mind are in disarray, and continuing to be getting worse. I'm not sure what could be done to fully help me, but any little bit could help. I'm going to try to move away from lusting pictures and into more serious arts. While I find lustful works entertaining, that, I feel, is all they're good for -- a short moment of enjoyment.
Tomorrow I'm going into see my neurologist so, I'm hopefully also going to stop by the store and get another tablet. I hope with all my heart that some of you would still look forward to seeing my art put up, even it they take weeks to make. I'll do my best.
My sincerest thanks to my friends who helped me to get the strength to some back and to my mate
lorimay
Guess I should start off with an apology. I'm sorry for up and out going crazy. I just have had so much on my plate for so long. Having MS I've been having to go to the hospital every four weeks to get blood drawn and get medicine pumped into me; it's just been too much for me to take, and even after that's all done I have to give myself shots for the rest of my life to keep my condition from flaring up again. Atop that I also have other surprise appointments, some of which involve me having to get my wisdom teeth yanked out, get caps, also have a root canal done.
This go without saying that all of that it has surfaced a lot of mental problems, some of which it has also worsened. My bipolar disorder has become so bad I can actually feel my emotions changing before they even had. I spend a lot of time in a pit of depression before I fly into a rage. I can't describe any of you how hard it is on me, but most of that is from having to work so hard to get something to work correctly, which never really does in my eyes. Within me it has brewed a resentment of some people who I feel don't have to work nearly as hard as me and still get more attention. I'm not pointing fingers, but that's just how my mind is...
This isn't out of a cry for pity, but I would just appreciate more input on my art. I don't feel that favorites mean much to me if there are no words to say just how well I'm doing, or what I could do different, or change all together. I don't know, I suppose just hearing some critique would help to bring my spirits up. I prefer for them not to be vulgar without reason, just something constructive if anyone could help it.
From what I've said above you could say my heart and mind are in disarray, and continuing to be getting worse. I'm not sure what could be done to fully help me, but any little bit could help. I'm going to try to move away from lusting pictures and into more serious arts. While I find lustful works entertaining, that, I feel, is all they're good for -- a short moment of enjoyment.
Tomorrow I'm going into see my neurologist so, I'm hopefully also going to stop by the store and get another tablet. I hope with all my heart that some of you would still look forward to seeing my art put up, even it they take weeks to make. I'll do my best.
My sincerest thanks to my friends who helped me to get the strength to some back and to my mate
lorimayLeaving
Posted 15 years agoWell, screw it, I was working on a new art to come back on, and the pen to my tablet broke, I can't submit anything now, I so FURIOUS now! There's no point in me being here if I have to work myself to the bone, to tears, past frustration and anguish to get some crap no one really gives a crap about...T_T
Taking a Break
Posted 15 years agoGoing to be away from FA for a while. I'm just a bit too tired, too depressed to do anything. I'm taking time off to try and heal myself. I'll see you all soon, I think...maybe.
Quality VS. Quantity
Posted 15 years agoWhich does everyone think others have more liking for?
Quality VS. Quantity
Posted 15 years agoIrony
Posted 15 years agoI have a sneaking suspicion that technology hates me. A few months ago, as some my already know, my computer broke so, I sent it off to get it repaired, but apparently it was the entire hard drive that was toasted. Not having the hard drive on them they had to order one, and after a few weeks I became tired a bout a new one the day before they finished the repairs. "Oh well," I thought, so I gave the repaired one to my brother and kept the new one. I was able to use it for about, iunno, a week, then it committed an epic suicide as I turned it on. After another week of waiting and trying to fix it myself, I returned it. Turns out the hardware was faulty. I was able to get a replacement, some computer; although, I cannot pick up a wireless connection for a damn, so if anyone was wondering where I was at, it is due to all that above.
Yay, new tool!
Posted 15 years agoWell, I just bought Adobe Flash CS5 the other day. As a heads-up to all my watchers, you may see some flashes in the future; however, for now I'm still trying to get the hang of it, and learn how to use it. If I get good enough, I might just animate my "Chaos Growth" pixel animations in it instead (should be interesting). XD
As for "Chaos Growth #2" I'm working on it off and on, it's been a while, and muse has come and gone. Stress of my hospital appointments has burdened me, but I'm trying to get it done.
That's it for the update. ;P
As for "Chaos Growth #2" I'm working on it off and on, it's been a while, and muse has come and gone. Stress of my hospital appointments has burdened me, but I'm trying to get it done.
That's it for the update. ;P
Gender meme
Posted 15 years agoWheee! First meme. Saw this on 
sugoisakaki's journal, who got it from :jerrytehmunk:, and thought I'd give it a shot.
Boy/girl meme.
Your Boy Side
[ ] You love hoodies.
[x] You love jeans.
[ ] Dogs are better than cats.
[x] It's hilarious when people get hurt. (Not really hurt badly, rather a comedic timing.)
[ ] You've played with/against boys on a team.
[ ] Shopping is torture.
[ ] Sad movies suck.
[x] You own an X-Box.
[x] Played with Hotwheels cars as a kid.
[x] At some point in time you wanted to be a firefighter.
[ ] You used to be obsessed with Power Rangers.
[ ] You watch sports on TV.
[ ] Gory movies are cool
[x] You go to your dad for advice.
[ ] You own like a trillion baseball caps.
[ ] You like going to football games.
[ ] You used to/do collect baseball cards.
[ ] Baggy pants are cool to wear.
[ ] It's kinda weird to have sleepovers with a bunch of people.
[x] Green, black, red, blue, or silver are one of your favorite colors.
[ ] You love to go crazy and not care what people think.
[ ] Sports are fun.
[ ] Talk with food in your mouth.
[x] Wear boxers.
Total = 8
Your Girl Side
[ ] You wear lip gloss.
[x] You love to shop.
[ ] You wear eyeliner.
[ ] You have some of the same shirts in different colors.
[ ] You wear the color pink.
[x] Go to your mom for advice.
[ ] You consider cheerleading a sport.
[ ] You hate wearing the color black.
[x] You like hanging out at the mall.
[ ] You like getting manicures and/or pedicures.
[x] You like wearing jewelry.
[ ] Skirts are a big part of your wardrobe.
[x] Shopping is one of your favorite hobbies.
[ ] You don't like the movie Star Wars.
[ ] You are/were in cheerleading, gymnastics or dance.
[x] It takes you around 1 hour to shower, get dressed, and put on make-up and accessories.
[ ] You smile a lot more than you should.
[ ] You have more than 10 pairs of shoes.
[x] You care about what you look like.
[ ] You like wearing dresses when you can.
[x] You like wearing body spray/perfume/cologne.
[ ] You wear girl underwear.
[ ] Used to play with dolls as little kid.
[ ] Like putting make-up on someone else for the joy of it.
[ ] Like taking pictures of yourself with your cell phone/camera when you're bored.
Total = 8
Well, I'm apparently even on each side. x3
sugoisakaki's journal, who got it from :jerrytehmunk:, and thought I'd give it a shot.Boy/girl meme.
Your Boy Side
[ ] You love hoodies.
[x] You love jeans.
[ ] Dogs are better than cats.
[x] It's hilarious when people get hurt. (Not really hurt badly, rather a comedic timing.)
[ ] You've played with/against boys on a team.
[ ] Shopping is torture.
[ ] Sad movies suck.
[x] You own an X-Box.
[x] Played with Hotwheels cars as a kid.
[x] At some point in time you wanted to be a firefighter.
[ ] You used to be obsessed with Power Rangers.
[ ] You watch sports on TV.
[ ] Gory movies are cool
[x] You go to your dad for advice.
[ ] You own like a trillion baseball caps.
[ ] You like going to football games.
[ ] You used to/do collect baseball cards.
[ ] Baggy pants are cool to wear.
[ ] It's kinda weird to have sleepovers with a bunch of people.
[x] Green, black, red, blue, or silver are one of your favorite colors.
[ ] You love to go crazy and not care what people think.
[ ] Sports are fun.
[ ] Talk with food in your mouth.
[x] Wear boxers.
Total = 8
Your Girl Side
[ ] You wear lip gloss.
[x] You love to shop.
[ ] You wear eyeliner.
[ ] You have some of the same shirts in different colors.
[ ] You wear the color pink.
[x] Go to your mom for advice.
[ ] You consider cheerleading a sport.
[ ] You hate wearing the color black.
[x] You like hanging out at the mall.
[ ] You like getting manicures and/or pedicures.
[x] You like wearing jewelry.
[ ] Skirts are a big part of your wardrobe.
[x] Shopping is one of your favorite hobbies.
[ ] You don't like the movie Star Wars.
[ ] You are/were in cheerleading, gymnastics or dance.
[x] It takes you around 1 hour to shower, get dressed, and put on make-up and accessories.
[ ] You smile a lot more than you should.
[ ] You have more than 10 pairs of shoes.
[x] You care about what you look like.
[ ] You like wearing dresses when you can.
[x] You like wearing body spray/perfume/cologne.
[ ] You wear girl underwear.
[ ] Used to play with dolls as little kid.
[ ] Like putting make-up on someone else for the joy of it.
[ ] Like taking pictures of yourself with your cell phone/camera when you're bored.
Total = 8
Well, I'm apparently even on each side. x3
Sick c. Ill
Posted 15 years agoIll c. sick
New Years Resolution
Posted 15 years agoIt has been on my mind for a while and I thought now would probably be a good time. Most of you may not know that I smoke. As my resolution for this year I will be kicking the habit. Currently I've gone Cold-Turkey and plan to win the addiction over by willpower. It's going to be a struggle (this much I know), but I'm determined to quit. For each day I do not light up I will be working on a piece of art to post and said art will have a red tally-mark in the upper left corner to signify how many days I've gone without a cigarette. My apologies to those in my trade list, I may not get around to your art for a while, I would prefer that the arts be to a higher standard. Wish me luck...I'm going to need it.
Please be patient...
Posted 15 years agoCurrently I'm stuck at my mom's place, have been for the week, and without my tablet, so those who have trades with me be patient. I'm sorry for this inconvenience, but I should be outta here soon enough and be able to post the trade art.
Ewww...
Posted 16 years agoSomething I never hoped to drop in the toilet was my glassed *currently afraid to wear them even after a scalding hot soak*. What are some things you didn't expect to drop in the toilet if you had?
Back!
Posted 16 years agoHi, sorry I've been gone for so long, I'll have a good amount of things to put up once I get a new printer.
Someone close
Posted 16 years agoIf the world was going to end and you could only pick one person to save, who would that person be?
Something different
Posted 16 years agoUnsure about how many people actually appreciate Fanfics, But hell, I might as well post this, seeing how I'm going through an artistic block. You are welcome to read it if you want a/o have the patience.
P.S. Grammar and punctuation sucks in my earlier chapters, but I did improve. Oh, and I'm pretty far into the story, so...there are a good many chapters.
Best Friends
sugoisakaki
phinesius
natev3
Many Tails in lifeP.S. Grammar and punctuation sucks in my earlier chapters, but I did improve. Oh, and I'm pretty far into the story, so...there are a good many chapters.
Best Friends
sugoisakaki
phinesius
natev3Feeling Better
Posted 16 years agoI'm slowly coming down off my depression; although, there are a few other thing I'm trying to come to terms with. Such as my Trans gender nature, not to be confused with transsexual, there's a difference. I digress, though, the point of this is to ay that I'm feeling better...Yippee! ;D
Best Friends
sugoisakaki
Phinesius
natev3
If you comment on my art, give me gifts, a/o chat with me, you get gifts in return, simple as that. I think it a pretty fair trade. XD
Best Friends
sugoisakaki Phinesius natev3If you comment on my art, give me gifts, a/o chat with me, you get gifts in return, simple as that. I think it a pretty fair trade. XD
Pleae Read
Posted 16 years agoI ask of you to read this all the way through...please.
My heart hurts so much. Every beat is so heavy. I'm shaking like a leaf in the wind. There are so many emotions that are over flowing in my heart and I can't control them. Sorrow, envy, and hatred. To no end would a knife feel comfortable in my heart right now. Just to end this relenting torment. My veins course with fury, I can't pull it back. My head and mind are at war; I can't decide what I want to do with it. My head wants me to hate those with talent that I cannot poses. No matter how hard I try. I work and work, sometimes until tears burn my eyes, just to make something decent, but apparently that not good enough for people. I guess I envy you all, making me want to hate all of you for the talent you have. Its not right and my heart knows it, so I have kept my secret from becoming known to you. Buried beneath all of this envy lies a part of me that i happy for you. I'm torn between these two things and so it takes on the form of sorrow and confusion. Its like I don't know who I am anymore. My dreams are no longer dreams but nightmare; full of pain and torture. I have frequently found myself waking in the middle of the and run to the bathroom, wanting to vomit. I occasionally spend some nights there feeling it caught in the back of my throat, unable to get out. God it hurts so much. I'm crippled from the need to keep up with everyone around me, unable to find my own pace. When someone asks something of me I am too slow and they end up getting what they have requested of me done before I can even do anything, so I drown in my own failure. This is not a guilt trip, I just need to speak my mind before I explode.
So many things have gone wrong in my life, and none of them I can fix. Overloaded I have failed in school and will become a 5th year student, I have Multiple Sclerosis, various medications, no job, my future career with the Air force is blown away with my disability, my family has broken apart, lax skills in art, some of my friends have left me for my orientation and because I'm a furry, I'm always tired. With all of this piled on my shoulder...I just feel like I can't live anymore. I'm suffocating beneath the weight of my burdens. Stress on my psyche has developed into PTSD. I want to die to protect everyone because I'm n the border of snapping. I don't want to hurt anyone. These words are not set in stone just yet, but they are but one of very few options left for me. I can't take it, I'm mad at everything, I don't want to be.
The only thing I can ask of anyone anymore i: Do I have a purpose in living? Do I have a reason to? I cannot see the light of hope, only darkness, I NEED someone to show me the light, please. I'm afraid to die, I don't want to, but I want to protect everyone from this demon in me, this dark hate. Please, give me a reason to live. I don't want to cry myself to sleep anymore.
My heart hurts so much. Every beat is so heavy. I'm shaking like a leaf in the wind. There are so many emotions that are over flowing in my heart and I can't control them. Sorrow, envy, and hatred. To no end would a knife feel comfortable in my heart right now. Just to end this relenting torment. My veins course with fury, I can't pull it back. My head and mind are at war; I can't decide what I want to do with it. My head wants me to hate those with talent that I cannot poses. No matter how hard I try. I work and work, sometimes until tears burn my eyes, just to make something decent, but apparently that not good enough for people. I guess I envy you all, making me want to hate all of you for the talent you have. Its not right and my heart knows it, so I have kept my secret from becoming known to you. Buried beneath all of this envy lies a part of me that i happy for you. I'm torn between these two things and so it takes on the form of sorrow and confusion. Its like I don't know who I am anymore. My dreams are no longer dreams but nightmare; full of pain and torture. I have frequently found myself waking in the middle of the and run to the bathroom, wanting to vomit. I occasionally spend some nights there feeling it caught in the back of my throat, unable to get out. God it hurts so much. I'm crippled from the need to keep up with everyone around me, unable to find my own pace. When someone asks something of me I am too slow and they end up getting what they have requested of me done before I can even do anything, so I drown in my own failure. This is not a guilt trip, I just need to speak my mind before I explode.
So many things have gone wrong in my life, and none of them I can fix. Overloaded I have failed in school and will become a 5th year student, I have Multiple Sclerosis, various medications, no job, my future career with the Air force is blown away with my disability, my family has broken apart, lax skills in art, some of my friends have left me for my orientation and because I'm a furry, I'm always tired. With all of this piled on my shoulder...I just feel like I can't live anymore. I'm suffocating beneath the weight of my burdens. Stress on my psyche has developed into PTSD. I want to die to protect everyone because I'm n the border of snapping. I don't want to hurt anyone. These words are not set in stone just yet, but they are but one of very few options left for me. I can't take it, I'm mad at everything, I don't want to be.
The only thing I can ask of anyone anymore i: Do I have a purpose in living? Do I have a reason to? I cannot see the light of hope, only darkness, I NEED someone to show me the light, please. I'm afraid to die, I don't want to, but I want to protect everyone from this demon in me, this dark hate. Please, give me a reason to live. I don't want to cry myself to sleep anymore.
Problem
Posted 16 years agoHello peoples,
I've been in and out of the hospital for the past two weeks now. Had a problem with leg strength and balance. My first thought was not enough exercise, but it wasn't. After having had my blood drawn on several occasions, three MRI scans, one x-ray, and a spinal tap (a procedure in which they drain spinal fluid), they have discovered that I have RRMS (Relapsing Remitting Multiple Sclerosis). This type of MS has me up and down, as it were, physically as well as emotionally. The symptoms are various, one of which includes depression. My neurologist said that in the event that I feel as if I had the "urge" to off myself I should try and get in contact with my friends. Though, I don't feel it now, my depression is there, truthfully I have had it before. The temporary medication I'm on, steroids, keeps my emotions a bit inconsistent and unpredictable, you could call it PMS if you want. I don't feel the full brunt with the meds is what I'm getting at. I hope I'm not sounding desperate, or too strait forward on the subject, I just would rather not be alone. I might not be able to contact very easily, seeing how my internet crashes; however, I will be online when I can be.
I've been in and out of the hospital for the past two weeks now. Had a problem with leg strength and balance. My first thought was not enough exercise, but it wasn't. After having had my blood drawn on several occasions, three MRI scans, one x-ray, and a spinal tap (a procedure in which they drain spinal fluid), they have discovered that I have RRMS (Relapsing Remitting Multiple Sclerosis). This type of MS has me up and down, as it were, physically as well as emotionally. The symptoms are various, one of which includes depression. My neurologist said that in the event that I feel as if I had the "urge" to off myself I should try and get in contact with my friends. Though, I don't feel it now, my depression is there, truthfully I have had it before. The temporary medication I'm on, steroids, keeps my emotions a bit inconsistent and unpredictable, you could call it PMS if you want. I don't feel the full brunt with the meds is what I'm getting at. I hope I'm not sounding desperate, or too strait forward on the subject, I just would rather not be alone. I might not be able to contact very easily, seeing how my internet crashes; however, I will be online when I can be.
Crashed computer
Posted 16 years agoI have noticed that I've gained and lost watchers. Well, what can you expect when your computer locks up and crashes on you? Oh well, I'll try and get some art up. I, personally, have been having "domestic" issues around my house. Just letting everyone know that I did NOT leave furaffinity.
