A Slight Post ANE Report
Posted 10 years agoSo, now that I am home from AnthroNewEngland, decompressed, all my equipment put away, and feeling a return of life from days of little to no sleep, I am going to post a bit of a post con report. First off, I was a staff member for this convention and will continue to be. I am the A/V coordinator and DJ lead for the convention and had a blast being such. Things were very busy and I can say that I did not have time for much else however, my operations went near flawlessly. There were a few technical issues and a system crash here or there but all the recoveries were very quick and near unnoticeable. Seamless operations made for a great crowd experience and added that touch of magic to the con that assisted in it being so successful. ANE this year was one of the most successful conventions I have staffed speaking on percentages and the amount of time it has been around. I am greatly looking forward to next years run and hoping that I can make it even better! To everyone that attended I want to put out a huge thank you! I also want to thank all of those that spoke to me about other opportunities. I do strive to give a very professional experience with as much of the flair of a large format show as I can provide. I know that I will continue to grow and get better, but I would love to have feedback from anyone that attended. Your feedback will assist me in improving future events! I do look forward to running other shows, conventions, and events in the future. Keep your eyes open, you will be seeing more of me, and thats a good thing!
Go check out Tweeko!
Posted 11 years agoHey all, my good friend Tweeko is running an awesome YCH Auction and if you love cute arts you should really check it out!
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/14982220
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/14982220
Some words that came to me in a song....
Posted 11 years ago As many of you know, I have not been home now for quite some time and things do tend to grow very lonely and alone on the road. Sometimes its tough having the position that I do and being in this constant pull of having to be where one is needed to support the efforts of an invisible entity. Leads to allot of time alone and turning to ones self for company, which in many ways can be quite dangerous. I am doing well though and as far as the advancement of my life and its forward progress. Things recently are great! I have many upcoming opportunities opening up many new doors for me professionally. Both with my career and some side projects of mine in the DJ communities I am doing great! Now, as with many things, these great strides forward do meet and end to the path. Personally speaking I am starved, not for the sustenance of a meal, but for the attention of others. My personal relationships with many are a complete mess if not total failure, and my social interaction with others leaves so much to be desired. I long for companionship as anyone does and at times it does drag me down that I do not often have this. I have began to become jealous of others, especially those who I know that appear to do very well socially. Yes, to those who know me on a personal level I am somewhat of an extreme introvert and do suffer from social anxiety. This is actually a very funny fact considering my line of work and how successful I am at it. Plus, professionally speaking there is no mountain I can't climb or thing I can't make happen. In a professional environment or working environment I am absolutely on point and ready to tackle any item. So, the fact that I have such a difficult time on a personal level is something is a massive enigma, even to me. How does the table turn in such a way? Now, I love my career, I love what I do, and I love all of my side projects! I cannot wait to keep climbing up those ladders!
But I digress, I mentioned before that I am beginning to become jealous of others, and this is true. Many have not noticed it, and I hide it well to the world, but I can't stand seeing how easy it is for so many other people to gain friends and relationships with others. My small group of friends always seems to be an ever dwindling number, followed up by the continued emptiness of that space. For the few that are still around and do tolerate me, I am deeply grateful and would really do anything for you. I have a very deep sense of pride and honor for those few friends to the point where I would lay my life down had it ever come to it saving theirs. I am actually quite serious on that fact as well, the people in my life that do have meaning have come to such a great value to me that even I am below that level. Again though, I am kind of straying off path and rambling on about nonsense just to hear myself speak. Getting back on point, this apparent loss of self worth and jealousy being held in my heart over such things is coming to a very critical point. The feelings spinning around inside me and thoughts that run through my head have finally achieved critical mass to where it is affecting my day to day life. I am losing sleep, losing interest in everything other than my professional projects, losing friends, and losing sight of myself. Now, getting to my real point in all this, I heard a song the other day that really stuck in my head. The name of it was Bad Blood and the message I took from it really drove home and kinda hit me hard. Hard as in crying almost non stop for a couple of days in wondering what have I done wrong and why am I this way. In all this however, it did make me think. The message made me step back a ways and ponder all that hatred in my heart, all the thoughts of things being unfair and biased, and all of that anger that has been building up causing me to turn away from social interaction even more lately. In other words, I need to let it go. No, I am not also quoting that song as well, as a matter of fact, good movie or not I am sick of hearing that cheery Disney crap.
Now, I guess to get to the point of all this, I am writing much of this as the thoughts are going through my head and yes some of it is just to hear myself speak. However, the real point of me writing this down is to have a note of my thoughts to be able to reflect on. Something to remember and remind myself of. This is also a way of me getting my thoughts into a tangible form for some of the few people that actually care and may be able to help guide me forward on this. As a person, I have lost almost all of my self worth and am really having a hard time seeing the future right now. As a professional, the sun is shining and the world could not be better. How do the rest of you balance these two things? What brings the light to your lives that makes this all work? I am working on letting the deeper issues in my life go and forgetting all of those things on the past that have led to me ending up here. I no longer wish to harbor that hate and anger that I carried with me and I am letting that burden go from my heart. The thing now that remains, is that step forward to making things better and making the difference that brings it all to change. That step is what has left me standing here paralyzed.
"All this bad blood here, won't you let it dry?
It's been cold for years, won't you let it lie?"
This song perfectly explains the way I feel: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-boKk8uhmcY
To anyone who actually read all of this, I commend you! I know this was long, and much of it is only self reflections, but thank you for hearing me out.
But I digress, I mentioned before that I am beginning to become jealous of others, and this is true. Many have not noticed it, and I hide it well to the world, but I can't stand seeing how easy it is for so many other people to gain friends and relationships with others. My small group of friends always seems to be an ever dwindling number, followed up by the continued emptiness of that space. For the few that are still around and do tolerate me, I am deeply grateful and would really do anything for you. I have a very deep sense of pride and honor for those few friends to the point where I would lay my life down had it ever come to it saving theirs. I am actually quite serious on that fact as well, the people in my life that do have meaning have come to such a great value to me that even I am below that level. Again though, I am kind of straying off path and rambling on about nonsense just to hear myself speak. Getting back on point, this apparent loss of self worth and jealousy being held in my heart over such things is coming to a very critical point. The feelings spinning around inside me and thoughts that run through my head have finally achieved critical mass to where it is affecting my day to day life. I am losing sleep, losing interest in everything other than my professional projects, losing friends, and losing sight of myself. Now, getting to my real point in all this, I heard a song the other day that really stuck in my head. The name of it was Bad Blood and the message I took from it really drove home and kinda hit me hard. Hard as in crying almost non stop for a couple of days in wondering what have I done wrong and why am I this way. In all this however, it did make me think. The message made me step back a ways and ponder all that hatred in my heart, all the thoughts of things being unfair and biased, and all of that anger that has been building up causing me to turn away from social interaction even more lately. In other words, I need to let it go. No, I am not also quoting that song as well, as a matter of fact, good movie or not I am sick of hearing that cheery Disney crap.
Now, I guess to get to the point of all this, I am writing much of this as the thoughts are going through my head and yes some of it is just to hear myself speak. However, the real point of me writing this down is to have a note of my thoughts to be able to reflect on. Something to remember and remind myself of. This is also a way of me getting my thoughts into a tangible form for some of the few people that actually care and may be able to help guide me forward on this. As a person, I have lost almost all of my self worth and am really having a hard time seeing the future right now. As a professional, the sun is shining and the world could not be better. How do the rest of you balance these two things? What brings the light to your lives that makes this all work? I am working on letting the deeper issues in my life go and forgetting all of those things on the past that have led to me ending up here. I no longer wish to harbor that hate and anger that I carried with me and I am letting that burden go from my heart. The thing now that remains, is that step forward to making things better and making the difference that brings it all to change. That step is what has left me standing here paralyzed.
"All this bad blood here, won't you let it dry?
It's been cold for years, won't you let it lie?"
This song perfectly explains the way I feel: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-boKk8uhmcY
To anyone who actually read all of this, I commend you! I know this was long, and much of it is only self reflections, but thank you for hearing me out.
A Very Merry Christmas to All!
Posted 11 years agoI just wanted to take a moment and wish everyone out there a very Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, and a Happy New year! May the holidays all bring good times to you and your family and friends. I hope 2014 brings a much better year for all than 2013 did. Hope everyone out there has a great day!
New Mix Set! Journey into Trance V1
Posted 12 years agoWell, A big hello to everyone out there who cares to view and listen! I am posting up my first official mix set! The previous one from FF was really just a small practice set. This will be the first set I would actually be comfortable saying I would play and print. This was a continued effort for me to get better and work on my mixing and cue points. I am happy with how it came out, and hope you all enjoy! This set holds a little bit of a personal value to me and has a loosely set theme based on some recent events in my life....lets see if you can guess it......
Link here: https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u.....rance%20V1.m4a (to download right click and select save link file as) (or just click to listen)
This is roughly a two hour mix (it goes over by just a little)....please enjoy! I would love to here feedback and comments as well!
Track-listing:
Track Number|Artist|Title
1. Solarstone - Dark Heart (Beatseekers Remix)
2. Dash Berlin - Go It Alone feat. Sarah Howells (Club Mix)
3. Protoculture - Cobalt (Original Mix)
4. Heartbeat - Game Over (Original Mix)
5. BT, Tritonal, Emma Hewitt - Calling Your Name (Original Mix)
6. Protoculture - Burning Bridges feat. Tricia McTeague (Radio Edit)
7. Harry Square - Perseverance (Original Mix)
8. Tenishia & Aneym - Stranger To Myself (Tenishia's Burnout Mix)
9. Broning - Reinspired (Orignial Mix)
10. Paul Oakenfold - Southern Sun (Cold Blue's Dark Remix)
11. Dido - Everything To Lose (Armin Van Buuren Remix)
12. Ralphie B - Icarus (Original Mix)
13. Paul Webster - Time feat. Angelic Amanda (Sean Tyas Remix)
14. Dash Berlin - Disarm Yourself feat. Emma Hewitt (Club Mix)
15. Giuseppe Ottaviani - Gave Me feat. Seri (Chris Schweizer Remix)
16. Da Hool - Into The Unknown feat. Emmalyn (Antillas & Dankann Club Mix)
17. MaRLo - Always Be Around feat. Sarah Swagger (Original Mix)
18. David Gravell - Bulldozer (Original Mix)
19. Rick Mitchells - Jinxed (Original Mix)
20. Markus Schulz - Nothing Without Me feat. Ana Diaz (Antillas & Dankann Club Mix)
21. Delerium - Silence feat. Sarah McLachlan (W&W vs Jonas Stenberg Remix)
22. The Blizzard - Piercing The Fog (Original Mix)
Link here: https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u.....rance%20V1.m4a (to download right click and select save link file as) (or just click to listen)
This is roughly a two hour mix (it goes over by just a little)....please enjoy! I would love to here feedback and comments as well!
Track-listing:
Track Number|Artist|Title
1. Solarstone - Dark Heart (Beatseekers Remix)
2. Dash Berlin - Go It Alone feat. Sarah Howells (Club Mix)
3. Protoculture - Cobalt (Original Mix)
4. Heartbeat - Game Over (Original Mix)
5. BT, Tritonal, Emma Hewitt - Calling Your Name (Original Mix)
6. Protoculture - Burning Bridges feat. Tricia McTeague (Radio Edit)
7. Harry Square - Perseverance (Original Mix)
8. Tenishia & Aneym - Stranger To Myself (Tenishia's Burnout Mix)
9. Broning - Reinspired (Orignial Mix)
10. Paul Oakenfold - Southern Sun (Cold Blue's Dark Remix)
11. Dido - Everything To Lose (Armin Van Buuren Remix)
12. Ralphie B - Icarus (Original Mix)
13. Paul Webster - Time feat. Angelic Amanda (Sean Tyas Remix)
14. Dash Berlin - Disarm Yourself feat. Emma Hewitt (Club Mix)
15. Giuseppe Ottaviani - Gave Me feat. Seri (Chris Schweizer Remix)
16. Da Hool - Into The Unknown feat. Emmalyn (Antillas & Dankann Club Mix)
17. MaRLo - Always Be Around feat. Sarah Swagger (Original Mix)
18. David Gravell - Bulldozer (Original Mix)
19. Rick Mitchells - Jinxed (Original Mix)
20. Markus Schulz - Nothing Without Me feat. Ana Diaz (Antillas & Dankann Club Mix)
21. Delerium - Silence feat. Sarah McLachlan (W&W vs Jonas Stenberg Remix)
22. The Blizzard - Piercing The Fog (Original Mix)
FF 2013 Mix Set......Shoulda posted sooner.....
Posted 12 years agoI am putting up an hour long mix set I did at FurFright 2013 in my room with a small audience as a little bit of a practice set during a room party. A few of my transitions were a bit wonky and I am getting much better with each practice set I do. Hope at least a few of ya out there enjoy this! This was a very quick and hastily put together set, but I am posting it anyway. All of the tracks are what I would consider trance classics........
Listen link here: https://www.mediafire.com/folder/dd.....g5j16h6n/Music
Download link here: https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u.....arty%20Mix.m4a (right click and download linked file)
Tracklisting:
Track|Artist|Song Title
01. Cerf, Mitiska, & Jaren - Beggin You (Armin Van Buuren Remix)
02. Andrew Bennett & Sir Adrian - Run Till You Shine (Cosmic Gate Remix)
03. Markus Shultz - Go (Original Mix)
04. Bobina & Andrew Rayel - Sacramentum (Andrew Rayel Aether Radio Mix)
05. Andrea Mazza - This Perfect Night feat. Hysteria! (Original Radio Edit)
06. SignalRunners - These Shoulders (Oliver Smith Remix)
07. Eddie Makabi - Ecstasy feat. Einat (Original Mix)
08. Armin Van Buuren - These Silent Hearts feat. BT
09. SolarStone & Clare Stagg - The Spell (SolarStone Pure Mix)
10. SolarStone - Love Theme from Blade Runner
Listen link here: https://www.mediafire.com/folder/dd.....g5j16h6n/Music
Download link here: https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u.....arty%20Mix.m4a (right click and download linked file)
Tracklisting:
Track|Artist|Song Title
01. Cerf, Mitiska, & Jaren - Beggin You (Armin Van Buuren Remix)
02. Andrew Bennett & Sir Adrian - Run Till You Shine (Cosmic Gate Remix)
03. Markus Shultz - Go (Original Mix)
04. Bobina & Andrew Rayel - Sacramentum (Andrew Rayel Aether Radio Mix)
05. Andrea Mazza - This Perfect Night feat. Hysteria! (Original Radio Edit)
06. SignalRunners - These Shoulders (Oliver Smith Remix)
07. Eddie Makabi - Ecstasy feat. Einat (Original Mix)
08. Armin Van Buuren - These Silent Hearts feat. BT
09. SolarStone & Clare Stagg - The Spell (SolarStone Pure Mix)
10. SolarStone - Love Theme from Blade Runner
Updates on the wuff....
Posted 12 years agoAs you can all see I have finally updated my pic album on FA with the past year or so of what has happened. Life still remains an the same as it was however, I have some new focuses that keep me occupied. There will be some changes around for me as soon as I finish honing my skill. I'm working on setting up a new project and looking to make it big! I know this sounds a little secretive right now, but there will be more on it soon. Those who know me well enough already know what it is and I am looking for your help and support to get some things setup and moving. But, I am pretty much back around and looking forward! Soon I will be making that impact.......keep your eyes and ears open!
For a very close and dear friend....
Posted 12 years agoTo all of you out there that have had such feelings and been in those places that our minds tend to go, remember that there is always support and that darkness is something that you do not have to walk alone. There is always someone there for all of us even though we may not see it. Remember, the strongest among us may not wear a crown. Just because we don't stand out of the crowd or shine that light through every storm we are there, and we do care.
I haven't always the words to say to help although I will always try. Know this however, my friend, I will always do anything in my power and stand behind you in need should there be one. This song comes to mind in a great way, and goes to speak the words I really want to say to you my dear friend. I hope you see this.....
Some say love, it is a river
that drowns the tender reed.
Some say love, it is a razor
that leaves your soul to bleed.
Some say love, it is a hunger,
an endless aching need.
I say love, it is a flower,
and you it's only seed.
It's the heart afraid of breaking
that never learns to dance.
It's the dream afraid of waking
that never takes the chance.
It's the one who won't be taken,
who cannot seem to give,
and the soul afraid of dyin'
that never learns to live.
When the night has been too lonely
and the road has been to long,
and you think that love is only
for the lucky and the strong,
just remember in the winter
far beneath the winter snows
lies the seed that with the sun's love
in the spring becomes the rose.
I haven't always the words to say to help although I will always try. Know this however, my friend, I will always do anything in my power and stand behind you in need should there be one. This song comes to mind in a great way, and goes to speak the words I really want to say to you my dear friend. I hope you see this.....
Some say love, it is a river
that drowns the tender reed.
Some say love, it is a razor
that leaves your soul to bleed.
Some say love, it is a hunger,
an endless aching need.
I say love, it is a flower,
and you it's only seed.
It's the heart afraid of breaking
that never learns to dance.
It's the dream afraid of waking
that never takes the chance.
It's the one who won't be taken,
who cannot seem to give,
and the soul afraid of dyin'
that never learns to live.
When the night has been too lonely
and the road has been to long,
and you think that love is only
for the lucky and the strong,
just remember in the winter
far beneath the winter snows
lies the seed that with the sun's love
in the spring becomes the rose.
In the market for a fur suit?
Posted 12 years agoHey guys, I know this is a promotional journal and all, but I love these guys so much and would really recommend them to anyone! They are the best! ^^
Should anyone be in the market for a great fur suit go check out
twinkyarts on FA or at http://www.twinkyarts.net
These guys are awesome and open for commissions! They make some pretty amazing stuff and maybe can make a great suit for you too!
I have a suit from them and could not be happier! My mate as well! Go give em a look!
Should anyone be in the market for a great fur suit go check out

These guys are awesome and open for commissions! They make some pretty amazing stuff and maybe can make a great suit for you too!
I have a suit from them and could not be happier! My mate as well! Go give em a look!
FF 2013 MEME.....oh wait a min....no sorry....
Posted 12 years agoWhere are you staying?
None, I'm sadly not going.......
What day are you getting there?
Unfortunately, I won't be.....really sorry guys :(
Who will you be rooming with?
it was going to be:
sheperd
meehsa
wilkye
codyx
Who will you hang out with during the convention?
Again, not going, so hanging out with myself. :(
What is the best way to find you?
Online.....thats as close as I'm getting.
Are there any panels you might be attending?
Not Applicable
What do you look like?
Large Black wolf with grey accents but you won't be seeing me there....
Will you be suiting?
Wanted to :(
Do you do trades?
Not an artist of any kind....
Do you do badges/commissions?
Again, no artistic talent.....
What is your gender?
It just gets in the way........and makes me suffer.
How tall are you?
69" but who's counting.
Are you mated/in a relationship?
Yes
Can I talk to you?
Sadly not, won't be there. Drop me a line online....
Can I touch you?
If you know where to find me, I will be impressed....
Can I visit your room?
Yeah, if you feel like driving almost 800 miles away from the Con
Can I buy you drinks?
Save it for next time I see ya.
Can I give you stuff?
Who doesn't want free stuff?
Can I hug or snuggle with you?
Go ahead and try.....you will just be hugging air.
Are you nice?
This is quite the subjective question.
How long are you going?
Not at all sadly. I really wanted to because I missed it last year. Sorry guys, maybe next time if FF even continues on after this.
None, I'm sadly not going.......
What day are you getting there?
Unfortunately, I won't be.....really sorry guys :(
Who will you be rooming with?
it was going to be:




Who will you hang out with during the convention?
Again, not going, so hanging out with myself. :(
What is the best way to find you?
Online.....thats as close as I'm getting.
Are there any panels you might be attending?
Not Applicable
What do you look like?
Large Black wolf with grey accents but you won't be seeing me there....
Will you be suiting?
Wanted to :(
Do you do trades?
Not an artist of any kind....
Do you do badges/commissions?
Again, no artistic talent.....
What is your gender?
It just gets in the way........and makes me suffer.
How tall are you?
69" but who's counting.
Are you mated/in a relationship?
Yes
Can I talk to you?
Sadly not, won't be there. Drop me a line online....
Can I touch you?
If you know where to find me, I will be impressed....
Can I visit your room?
Yeah, if you feel like driving almost 800 miles away from the Con
Can I buy you drinks?
Save it for next time I see ya.
Can I give you stuff?
Who doesn't want free stuff?
Can I hug or snuggle with you?
Go ahead and try.....you will just be hugging air.
Are you nice?
This is quite the subjective question.
How long are you going?
Not at all sadly. I really wanted to because I missed it last year. Sorry guys, maybe next time if FF even continues on after this.
Life updates and such.....
Posted 12 years agoThis was supposed to start off as an RF 2013 Meme....but really, whats the point?
The people that know me and care are already aware of my plans and know where I will be and how to get in touch with me. Plus, its not like anyone ever looks at what I post anyway. I'm sure when this is all said and done it wont get read either due to the length, but its the fact the its being said and/or written down that makes me feel somewhat better about it. This journal really is for me, and that's what matters, for I venture to guess maybe someone will read it and understand.
I'm way behind on posting things, a year or so to be exact. I have a pile of items that could show up on here and all of the memories good. I keep the list of pics and videos to myself mostly because no one views them any way so really, I have my remembrance and what other point is there? I'm not a member of any real group and quite frankly, I'm sick and tired of always feeling like that awkward friend that fits in the group but really doesn't belong. Outside of certain events and maybe the occasional con or two it never matters how much I try to get in touch or stay in touch with anyone, I just simply end up in silence. I'm sorry that I'm not good enough to know or be around and I am sick of having "friends" only because of the person that I'm dating. Been there, done that, and as soon as the relationship is over everyone hates you and you no longer exist. Honestly, I feel like I just don't need to bother you all anymore, because that's all I really feel like I am. I'm tired of being in this constant state of complete dysphoria hating myself and everything I do. I really long to just fit in somewhere and it seems even among what society calls rejects I do not belong. This isn't a vent journal, or a rage derp, or even some rage quit of the fandom. I'm not going anywhere and intend on having the fun I do with the few people that really want me around. I hate myself enough without the constant interaction of everyone else bringing me down further. Yeah, I'm not an artist, a fursuit maker, a writer, or a dancer fur. I'm not a popufur, and I never want to get there, but I've just had it with all the cliques and crap being stuffed in my face about how everyone else is better than me. This judgment system we have with ratings of fursuits (not even made by their owners), dance competitions, and all of these contests and games are just placing people on pedestals and harming the rest of us. I really want nothing to do with it. I'm tired of feeling like nothing and I've dealt with it for far too long. As one who has never fit in, I really am fed up with it all and wish that we could stop acting like so many of us are better than the others. I have news for you, YOU ARE NOT! But, to all of you out there, a great thank you for knowing exactly how to carry on those immature high school politics of being better than thou. Thanks for always making others feel worse about themselves, and thanks for taking the time out of your day to put down another human being so that you can feel better about your shitty situation. Thank you for taking all your insecurities out on those around you, and thanks for failing to admit that you too are not perfect, and everyone has problems. Thanks fandom for finding the many ways to continue to bring the worst out in others. I thank you all. So yeah, I don't fit in, I don't stand out, I don't shine bright like a star in the room, and I'm not special, but I am a human being and I do deserve some of the respect I pay you all. Call this what you may, but I call it the ramblings of a lone wolf who's tired of being treated like the bottom of life. Sick of being left out, left alone, caused to feel terrible about who I am, and made to feel like I just don't match up to the rest. Thanks for the life long complex, and thanks for the depression and thoughts of why I even go on. You should all feel great about what you do to others, and maybe one day it shall turn back on you. Until then, I hope you are happy, because I never will be.
To the ones who actually are my friends, this is not meant for you. But I have no where else to go. Yes, life sucks, we all have problems, and yes I may be venting. But I've had it with meaning nothing to myself or anyone else and I just can't take this depression anymore. I shouldn't need to suffer this way or wonder if I should be on medication just to be able to tolerate my life. To the few who stand by me, I'm troubled, and I thank you for being there. For the rest, I'm glad you are happy, but know what it is you do to others for that happiness to be there, and know what major sacrifices the few of us in this position make for you to even have that.
The people that know me and care are already aware of my plans and know where I will be and how to get in touch with me. Plus, its not like anyone ever looks at what I post anyway. I'm sure when this is all said and done it wont get read either due to the length, but its the fact the its being said and/or written down that makes me feel somewhat better about it. This journal really is for me, and that's what matters, for I venture to guess maybe someone will read it and understand.
I'm way behind on posting things, a year or so to be exact. I have a pile of items that could show up on here and all of the memories good. I keep the list of pics and videos to myself mostly because no one views them any way so really, I have my remembrance and what other point is there? I'm not a member of any real group and quite frankly, I'm sick and tired of always feeling like that awkward friend that fits in the group but really doesn't belong. Outside of certain events and maybe the occasional con or two it never matters how much I try to get in touch or stay in touch with anyone, I just simply end up in silence. I'm sorry that I'm not good enough to know or be around and I am sick of having "friends" only because of the person that I'm dating. Been there, done that, and as soon as the relationship is over everyone hates you and you no longer exist. Honestly, I feel like I just don't need to bother you all anymore, because that's all I really feel like I am. I'm tired of being in this constant state of complete dysphoria hating myself and everything I do. I really long to just fit in somewhere and it seems even among what society calls rejects I do not belong. This isn't a vent journal, or a rage derp, or even some rage quit of the fandom. I'm not going anywhere and intend on having the fun I do with the few people that really want me around. I hate myself enough without the constant interaction of everyone else bringing me down further. Yeah, I'm not an artist, a fursuit maker, a writer, or a dancer fur. I'm not a popufur, and I never want to get there, but I've just had it with all the cliques and crap being stuffed in my face about how everyone else is better than me. This judgment system we have with ratings of fursuits (not even made by their owners), dance competitions, and all of these contests and games are just placing people on pedestals and harming the rest of us. I really want nothing to do with it. I'm tired of feeling like nothing and I've dealt with it for far too long. As one who has never fit in, I really am fed up with it all and wish that we could stop acting like so many of us are better than the others. I have news for you, YOU ARE NOT! But, to all of you out there, a great thank you for knowing exactly how to carry on those immature high school politics of being better than thou. Thanks for always making others feel worse about themselves, and thanks for taking the time out of your day to put down another human being so that you can feel better about your shitty situation. Thank you for taking all your insecurities out on those around you, and thanks for failing to admit that you too are not perfect, and everyone has problems. Thanks fandom for finding the many ways to continue to bring the worst out in others. I thank you all. So yeah, I don't fit in, I don't stand out, I don't shine bright like a star in the room, and I'm not special, but I am a human being and I do deserve some of the respect I pay you all. Call this what you may, but I call it the ramblings of a lone wolf who's tired of being treated like the bottom of life. Sick of being left out, left alone, caused to feel terrible about who I am, and made to feel like I just don't match up to the rest. Thanks for the life long complex, and thanks for the depression and thoughts of why I even go on. You should all feel great about what you do to others, and maybe one day it shall turn back on you. Until then, I hope you are happy, because I never will be.
To the ones who actually are my friends, this is not meant for you. But I have no where else to go. Yes, life sucks, we all have problems, and yes I may be venting. But I've had it with meaning nothing to myself or anyone else and I just can't take this depression anymore. I shouldn't need to suffer this way or wonder if I should be on medication just to be able to tolerate my life. To the few who stand by me, I'm troubled, and I thank you for being there. For the rest, I'm glad you are happy, but know what it is you do to others for that happiness to be there, and know what major sacrifices the few of us in this position make for you to even have that.
It's been a very long time.....
Posted 12 years agoWell, first of all I want to apologize sincerely to all of my good friends out there, they know why. I never want or mean to take you guys for granted and I would do anything for all of you. If you know me well enough for me to be referencing you here you know that I will sacrifice anything I have if it meant making your lives better. The only measure of power I have stronger than what I'm struggling with internally is my selflessness. Please do not think I have forsaken you or intend to take advantage of the fact that you guys are there. I suppose I rely too much on you being there, but you are always around to help me through. To those who I talk to normally and those who really know me in that aspect again, I am sorry.
Now, moving on slightly, I know I have not posted much if not all on here in a very long time. Its not that I don't have things to put up, I just have allot of other things going on to where I've lost all motivation. I am honestly quite backlogged on pics and arts to add. Life has taken a weird turn for me lately (and by that I mean about 6-9 months) and I'm not in a good place. No this isn't one of those poor me I want attention journals as I do not really ask help of anyone and I never expect it. I am mainly writing to let those of you who know me and may be wondering where I've been that things haven't been well and I may be gone a while. I would say I may go quiet, but I really don't talk much in the first place. Life has just taken me down lately to a place I can't explain all that well and I am having a hard time reaching out of that pit. So, until happier times come, I may be gone. No one really wants to hear these things anyway, its never nice to talk to someone that ruins your day with negativity. I never meant to do that, and I will stop. I can't easily fix the problem or make it go away, but I can stop the words from coming out of my mouth so I do not destroy any other time for anyone else or lose the few remaining friends I have left.
I am around, I am still here, and I will sometime be back. I just have allot of crap in life to fix first. Please do not think I am comparing my things to anyone else's as I know that we all have our problems and they all affect us differently. No one is perfect and everyone suffers from time to time. There are plenty out there worse off than me so please don't think I am not aware of that. I suffer my own demons and as of late I am losing this fight. Once again to all of you out there that have always stood by me, I am sorry. Your friendship has never been taken for granted and I never wanted to alienate any of you. I will fix this myself, somehow. I just may be gone a while while doing it. This has been a long time coming. Be well all of you.
Now, moving on slightly, I know I have not posted much if not all on here in a very long time. Its not that I don't have things to put up, I just have allot of other things going on to where I've lost all motivation. I am honestly quite backlogged on pics and arts to add. Life has taken a weird turn for me lately (and by that I mean about 6-9 months) and I'm not in a good place. No this isn't one of those poor me I want attention journals as I do not really ask help of anyone and I never expect it. I am mainly writing to let those of you who know me and may be wondering where I've been that things haven't been well and I may be gone a while. I would say I may go quiet, but I really don't talk much in the first place. Life has just taken me down lately to a place I can't explain all that well and I am having a hard time reaching out of that pit. So, until happier times come, I may be gone. No one really wants to hear these things anyway, its never nice to talk to someone that ruins your day with negativity. I never meant to do that, and I will stop. I can't easily fix the problem or make it go away, but I can stop the words from coming out of my mouth so I do not destroy any other time for anyone else or lose the few remaining friends I have left.
I am around, I am still here, and I will sometime be back. I just have allot of crap in life to fix first. Please do not think I am comparing my things to anyone else's as I know that we all have our problems and they all affect us differently. No one is perfect and everyone suffers from time to time. There are plenty out there worse off than me so please don't think I am not aware of that. I suffer my own demons and as of late I am losing this fight. Once again to all of you out there that have always stood by me, I am sorry. Your friendship has never been taken for granted and I never wanted to alienate any of you. I will fix this myself, somehow. I just may be gone a while while doing it. This has been a long time coming. Be well all of you.
FC Meme thingy......
Posted 12 years agoYes I'm going to FC! Here is the silly meme thingy that I am so obligated to fill out!
Conventions Name:
Further Confusion 2013
Website:
http://www.furtherconfusion.org/2013
Transportation type:
Flying in to California and my arms are not looking forward to it……
Hotel you're staying at:
At the Hampton……the cost was right so that’s where I will be.
Dates:
Jan 17th Thursday - Jan 21st Monday
Rooming with:
My love:
and 

Gender:
XY…. You figure it out
How tall are you:
69"
Description (out of suit):
Invisible! Very few people know me out of suit
Fursuit(s):
Drahck Wolf!
Relationship Status:
I am taken by
sheperd
Who you will be with a majority of the time:
With my Doggy! And prob somewhere around the TA pack!
Are you cliquey:
No, not at all. Love to meet new people!
Main purpose for attending:
To fursuit, act silly and see some friends that I really need to see more often!
Where you usually eat:
Did someone say bacon? *tilts head*
Parties:
Where?
Fursuiting:
Anytime baby!
Daily activities:
Sleep, eat, sleep, fursuit, sleep, shower, murr, sleep, fursuit, sleep, shower, repeat!
Nightly Activities:
That’s for me to know and only certain peeps to find out….
What time I usually go to bed and get up:
When I feel like it!
Do you talk out of suit:
Do I know you?
Do you talk in suit:
Not really, unless I am in the headless lounge or only around other suiters
Rules of engagement out of suit:
Let me come to you and don’t get bit!
Rules of engagements in suit:
I love pictures, video, and shenanigans!
How far is too far:
If I bite you went too far!
Can I talk to you:
Yes! Please don't be shy!
Can I tag along with you:
Don’t just walk up to me and expect to creep
Can I give you hugs or snuggles:
I'll hug but no snuggles
Can I dance with you:
If I danced this would need an answer
Can I take pictures with you:
Sure! Only in suit please!
Can I buy you a drink:
Sure thing! Love drinks!
Can I buy you things:
Weird!
Best communication medium to reach you:
Twitter or FA, unless you know me well enough to have my phone number
Conventions Name:
Further Confusion 2013
Website:
http://www.furtherconfusion.org/2013
Transportation type:
Flying in to California and my arms are not looking forward to it……
Hotel you're staying at:
At the Hampton……the cost was right so that’s where I will be.
Dates:
Jan 17th Thursday - Jan 21st Monday
Rooming with:
My love:



Gender:
XY…. You figure it out
How tall are you:
69"
Description (out of suit):
Invisible! Very few people know me out of suit
Fursuit(s):
Drahck Wolf!
Relationship Status:
I am taken by

Who you will be with a majority of the time:
With my Doggy! And prob somewhere around the TA pack!
Are you cliquey:
No, not at all. Love to meet new people!
Main purpose for attending:
To fursuit, act silly and see some friends that I really need to see more often!
Where you usually eat:
Did someone say bacon? *tilts head*
Parties:
Where?
Fursuiting:
Anytime baby!
Daily activities:
Sleep, eat, sleep, fursuit, sleep, shower, murr, sleep, fursuit, sleep, shower, repeat!
Nightly Activities:
That’s for me to know and only certain peeps to find out….
What time I usually go to bed and get up:
When I feel like it!
Do you talk out of suit:
Do I know you?
Do you talk in suit:
Not really, unless I am in the headless lounge or only around other suiters
Rules of engagement out of suit:
Let me come to you and don’t get bit!
Rules of engagements in suit:
I love pictures, video, and shenanigans!
How far is too far:
If I bite you went too far!
Can I talk to you:
Yes! Please don't be shy!
Can I tag along with you:
Don’t just walk up to me and expect to creep
Can I give you hugs or snuggles:
I'll hug but no snuggles
Can I dance with you:
If I danced this would need an answer
Can I take pictures with you:
Sure! Only in suit please!
Can I buy you a drink:
Sure thing! Love drinks!
Can I buy you things:
Weird!
Best communication medium to reach you:
Twitter or FA, unless you know me well enough to have my phone number
Merry Christmas to all the fuzzy butts out there!
Posted 12 years agoJust wanted to take a moment to send out very Merry Christmas wishes to all the fuzzies out there! Everyone enjoy your time with family or friends and stuff your faces with cookies! Merry Christmas to all!
I never ever ever do this but I don't know what else to do
Posted 12 years agoFirst off, I never ever do these sorts of things and I am not trying to whine to the general public about my life. Everyone has problems and they all have their own impact. We all go through trials and sometimes life gets hard and situations seem very downing. Please don't think ill of me or look down on me for saying these things. I know we all have out own issues to deal with and its tough for us all.
With that said, I really have sunk into a pretty deep hole right now and I am just really down. Feeling down for quite some time and I am bringing others around me down with me. I am desperately trying to see the light and find my way through. I just feel like that old poorly constructed garden shed left out back......neglected and forgotten, left to fall apart and just disappear. Life has a funny way of paying us back for our past, but I wonder what exactly is it that I have done to warrant feeling this way.
Again, I am sorry for the bitch fest but I had to say something somewhere. I don't know where else to go.
Sorry guys, I am done now.
With that said, I really have sunk into a pretty deep hole right now and I am just really down. Feeling down for quite some time and I am bringing others around me down with me. I am desperately trying to see the light and find my way through. I just feel like that old poorly constructed garden shed left out back......neglected and forgotten, left to fall apart and just disappear. Life has a funny way of paying us back for our past, but I wonder what exactly is it that I have done to warrant feeling this way.
Again, I am sorry for the bitch fest but I had to say something somewhere. I don't know where else to go.
Sorry guys, I am done now.
Twinky Arts SALE Going on NOW!~
Posted 13 years agoI am normally not much for these pimp out journals, but this seemed important!
twinkyarts is having a Christmas Holiday Sale! Go check it out!
GO HERE : http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/4057475/
GO HERE: http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/4057475/
GO HERE : http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/4057475/
GO HERE: http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/4057475/

GO HERE : http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/4057475/
GO HERE: http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/4057475/
GO HERE : http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/4057475/
GO HERE: http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/4057475/
Happy Thanksgiving to All!
Posted 13 years agoI wanted to take a few moments to offer up a very Happy Thanksgiving to all my friends and watchers! Hope everyone is having a good day with friends and family as well as good food! I am very thankful for all of the people I have met over the last few years becaus of this fandom. Even though I am not always around and dont see everyone all the time I am still very thankful of all my friends and love spending time with you guys! The fandom has its ups and downs but it has had a very positive impact on my life overall. All the people I have met, the good times I have had, and the awesome memories so far are such things to be very thankful of. To everyone out there I wish you good times, a happy day, and many more good memories! Thanks to all and have a great day! I hope to be able to hang out with you all again soon.
Well this is some rather bad news.....
Posted 13 years agoHello to all of those out there that are watching me and actually paying attention.......I have some news about an up and coming event that I was really looking forward to.......FurFright! Well, I won't be going. I am sorry to inform, but I am going to miss it this year. Work got in the way and there is nothing I can do about it. My team got scrambled out to location in California and I am not going to be back in time for FF. Sorry guys! I will miss you all and I was really looking forward to making it. I will be having some fun elsewhere and getting this work done so I can get out of there and end this project. To all my friends that are going, have a great time! I hope to catch up with you guys again soon. That con will be missed! Especially after missing Rain Furrest this year too......this is the first time I haven't made it to that con and it was originally my first.....so, I've had a disappointing couple months. But things always get better and I have allot to look forward too it seems!
That good ole AC Meme Thingy
Posted 13 years agoHow do you want to be addressed?
Drahck, Drahckilltanen (only if you can pronounce it), Drake, Draco, Wolfy
Gender?
I’m going naked, so you figure it out!
Age?
OMG Its another creepy old guy! 30 > <
What do you look like?
Big black wolf, careful, I was last caught stalking some girl with a red hoodie……..
Where/how can I find you?
I will be around, other than that I’m not sure
How are you getting there?
Road trip with my wonderful mate Sheppy!
What hotel are you staying at?
I am laying my head in the closest thing to a forest they have there in Pittsburgh…..at least its between two trees anyway!
Which days will you be attending?
Wednesday to Monday
Do you do requests?
I no can do arts > <
Do you do trades?
Can’t say I have anything to trade.
Do you do commissions?
Once again, no can draw
Will you have Art in the Art Show?
Really…..there are too many questions about arts
Who will you be with?
My doggy
sheperd and friends
frostt.husky,
tweeko =3
What is your main purpose for attending?
Post any random meaning here! Whats the reason any of us go to AC?
Can I talk to you?
Not at all I bite HARD! No, just kidding, of course! I’m a friendly wolf.
Can I take pictures with you?
As long as I get copies of them later, I love being in pics!
Can I touch/hug/cuddle you?
Hugs all day long! ^^
Can I hang out with you?
Well, as long as you aren’t a stalker and I actually know who you are.
Do you go to parties?
P A R T Y! YES!
Do you fursuit/costume?
Oh hells yes! *does the z formation finger snap*
What is the best way to reach you?
Hope you can find me
Anything else?
Those stunts were totally done by me! =P
^..^
Drahck, Drahckilltanen (only if you can pronounce it), Drake, Draco, Wolfy
Gender?
I’m going naked, so you figure it out!
Age?
OMG Its another creepy old guy! 30 > <
What do you look like?
Big black wolf, careful, I was last caught stalking some girl with a red hoodie……..
Where/how can I find you?
I will be around, other than that I’m not sure
How are you getting there?
Road trip with my wonderful mate Sheppy!
What hotel are you staying at?
I am laying my head in the closest thing to a forest they have there in Pittsburgh…..at least its between two trees anyway!
Which days will you be attending?
Wednesday to Monday
Do you do requests?
I no can do arts > <
Do you do trades?
Can’t say I have anything to trade.
Do you do commissions?
Once again, no can draw
Will you have Art in the Art Show?
Really…..there are too many questions about arts
Who will you be with?
My doggy



What is your main purpose for attending?
Post any random meaning here! Whats the reason any of us go to AC?
Can I talk to you?
Not at all I bite HARD! No, just kidding, of course! I’m a friendly wolf.
Can I take pictures with you?
As long as I get copies of them later, I love being in pics!
Can I touch/hug/cuddle you?
Hugs all day long! ^^
Can I hang out with you?
Well, as long as you aren’t a stalker and I actually know who you are.
Do you go to parties?
P A R T Y! YES!
Do you fursuit/costume?
Oh hells yes! *does the z formation finger snap*
What is the best way to reach you?
Hope you can find me
Anything else?
Those stunts were totally done by me! =P
^..^
To All....
Posted 13 years agoI wish everyone out there a very happy St. Valentines Day! I have little knowledge of the religious basis, or who St. Valentine really is......could google it I'm sure. I am also very aware of the cliche state that this holiday has bee warped into through out its path in history. However, may all of you have a happy day today, just as every other! You may be alone today, or may be spending it with someone special, either way, I send you all my best wishes and good fortune! Happy Valentines Day to all! Remember, no one is ever alone, and there is love out there for everyone!
Guess what day it is.....
Posted 13 years agoIt only comes once a year.....
Yep....Thats right.....It's another one of those......
This Wolf was born today! Just putting it out there.......
That is all! ^..^
Yep....Thats right.....It's another one of those......
This Wolf was born today! Just putting it out there.......
That is all! ^..^
Happy New Years!
Posted 13 years agoWant to take a moment to send out a big HAPPY NEW YEAR to all my friends out there! I hope this next year brings you all better things than the last. Have a good celebration with family and friends and I will speak to you all again in 2012! Who knows, maybe the Mayan calendar is all just a big hoax!
^..^
^..^
Merry Christmas to all!
Posted 13 years agoTo everyone on Christmas I wish you a good and happy holiday with friends and family! I hope this time is a time to remember those who you are with and those who touched your life throughout the year. May you all have a wonderful holiday and I send all the hugs and good cheer I have to all in this time of year! Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to all out there!
^..^
^..^
R.I.P. Doom Buggy
Posted 14 years agoWell, to all who know or knew me and everyone that knew how much I loved my car, its long run with me is over. The Doom Buggy met its match on the night of 4 Dec 2011 on my run home from my mates house. Bambi decided that he needed my car more than I did and its pretty much the end of that. So, now this wolf is stranded and a little lost on the foreseeable future........hopefully I can find something soon. Until then wish me luck......
VW Forever! Except for this one.......
VW Forever! Except for this one.......
Happy Thanksgiving To All!
Posted 14 years agoJust wanted to send out a quick Happy Thanksgiving to everyone out there! Hope everyone has a good day and some good food to go along with it! Happy Thanksgiving to all and to all a good night! ^..^