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General | Posted 9 years agowhen memories become a burden. and the pain becomes to much sometimes your mind wants to just dump everything... sometimes i hate myself so much that i wonder if anything is real. how do I know this isn't just a nightmare and that when I'm Asleep it's not me being awake? and how do i know this life if that is what you can call it isn't a construct made by someone else to make me suffer. because I do everyday. and the ones I should turn to, they can't tell if I'm really happy or if I'm just playing the part for their sakes. what was that line.... oh yes. "When will the mirror stop telling lies...." my name, i don't think it is my name. who i am what i am I don't know. because anytime i feel like something is real....it just goes away. like it never was. is it any wonder I feel so torn apart? when will people see that I don't belong. that I'm just some elaborate lie. i just don't have any hope or any true feeling anymore. even food is tasteless to me at this point. sometimes it feels like I am a ghost barely seen. well....guess that would make sense....after all I am just a missing number. no data. no history. just a empty shell....Open for Commissions
General | Posted 9 years agoDoing Pay What You Want Commissions. please just keep it with in my limits. (posted on my page)commissions
General | Posted 9 years agowill take commissions from interested people. will be pwyw. please keep with in my limits which can be found on my page.
Reasons I don't Draw as often as i use to
General | Posted 9 years ago1. Bondage is bondage. there is tons of it all over FA one bondage artist taking a break from bondage shouldn't matter.
2. I don't have the drive to spend hours making art of things that will be favored and then forgotten in the next *checks watch* 2 seconds.
3. I have no inspiration anymore.
4. I am tired of trying to be impressive with the same idea over and over.
5. I just don't have the drive.
2. I don't have the drive to spend hours making art of things that will be favored and then forgotten in the next *checks watch* 2 seconds.
3. I have no inspiration anymore.
4. I am tired of trying to be impressive with the same idea over and over.
5. I just don't have the drive.
Today has not been a good day
General | Posted 9 years agotoday started out nicely did some art. played some games but then one bad thing after another started happening the last straw being a dispute over a RP. and now I'm back to the point where all I feel like doing is dying. I'm reallll stable right? I can't stop crying. I can't breathe. and worse of all I'm pretty sure that most people hate me now. so i ask what's the point anymore? Lifes Song
General | Posted 9 years agoso you know how fantasy books and the really over the top romance novels talk about a persons lifes song? well I believe I found a song that perfectly describs the pain i endured for 17 years and still burns inside me today. and that song is *drum roll* https://youtu.be/69l1VplJ5mw
I can literally match up this song to the most painful parts of my life. the times i hurt myself just to feel alive. the times when i was so dead I didn't even realize i was even alive anymore. and my past life isn't much better...Lost in the past
General | Posted 9 years agomight not be as active for a while, kinda getting lost in memories of my past life. so don't take it personally if the images i promised to the select few are a little late. I can't tell at this point if i'm my dragon self or human life.random trivia!!!
General | Posted 10 years agodoes anyone know what the following line is from?
I am that is, shall wield my sword for me.Ghostbusters drama
General | Posted 10 years agoI'm getting really tired of the drama over the reveal that the new ghostbusters reboot has female leads and that the movie is a straight up comedy. get over it. that is all~PS: want to bitch about this, FUCK OFF~PPS: I don't care if it's a opinion or not, if it's negative I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ITWhy I am so depressed all the time
General | Posted 10 years agonot that anyone cares why, but it's because of people pushing me and yelling at me for not doing anything around the house. why don't i? because when i do someone else takes the credit and the same fucking fight breaks out. "You got to do more around the house, you don't have a job so clean up my messes." FINE I WOULD do that if that bitch was making messes no self respecting human hell not even a fucking PIG would touch. I'm tired of this life here, living with mother wasn't good for me but this place isn't any better. everything is my fault, everything isn't good enough, I'm always so fucking stressed that i want to end it. but I can't do that to those who actually care about me. I'm shattering from the inside out. and no one can see the pain i'm in because dad won't listen to my words. all he sees is the aftermath of living with HER for 6 months. she makes huge messes and blames it on me then i'm expected to clean the house all because she works. and i will clean to a certain degree but cleaning up her piss and shit is too much for me. and if that isn't bad enough i usually end up starving for 6 months because she doesn't buy groceries like she is suppose to and keep wanting me to spend my welfare money on her. I just can't take it anymore. I need out of this house i need to be somewhere where i don't have a PIG for a room mate. someone who can understand that i have limits when it comes to cleaning up. and someone that will listen when i say things aren't working out.
pure nightmare fuel
General | Posted 10 years agotitle says it all here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DjHcYhP4KJM
lost faith in humanity thus i am a dragon again
General | Posted 10 years agoI find myself need to explain to the world WHAT A FURRY IS. why? this piece of hate speech https://www.change.org/p/u-s-senate.....s-as-zoophilia
so without further introduction let me rant~
what is a furry?
Uninformed Public: a disgusting person who loves to dress up in furry outfits and rape people or animals.
Informed public/furry: a person who enjoys anthropomorphic animal characters. Example: Mickey mouse, Bowser, Spyro, the koopalings, Sonic, etc...
What do furries do?
Uniformed public: rape animals children and other people in animal costumes
Informed Public: raise money for charities, explore their creative sides, and helps each other out.
see where i am going with this? the main issue with the public opinion on furries is that they see us as immoral rape machines or something along those lines. but let's take a look at statistics. if you own a fursuit you are most likely well off or a creator os such suits. they are expensive as hell to get and even more so to maintain. so WHY IN THE HELL WOULD YOU RUIN ONE BY HAVING SEX IN IT? the truth is we don't! this misconception comes from a misrepersentation of furries done by the media. more commonly that one episode of CSI.
onto the blatant attempt made by this person to make the furry fandom outright illegal in any part of the world. while i agree Zoophilia is wrong and no animal should be used by anyone in that way. they are completely misguided and clearly hating on something they do not understand. Furries are not sexually attracted to animal themselves. but might harbour a secret attraction to FICTIONAL characters. that is the important thing to remember the furry fandom loves anthropomorphic animals. animals that like humans can walk on two legs or talk or even both. so no animal is being harmed or used sexually by someone expressing a love of these completely made up animals. I myself am a furry yet I own a cat and care for him as a normal pet. I feed him and hold him. but never once would i consider harming him in any way. and I know many other furries who also own pets and they would never hurt their pets either.
the honest truth of the matter is that this person hates the furry fandom because of a completely fabricated fact the media enforces, I urge anyone that reads this to report this petition as hateful. because it is. if you can not take my word on this then research the furry fandom on wikipedia. and no the dramatica version doesn't count.
(PS this is just a rant to make ME feel better.)
so without further introduction let me rant~
what is a furry?
Uninformed Public: a disgusting person who loves to dress up in furry outfits and rape people or animals.
Informed public/furry: a person who enjoys anthropomorphic animal characters. Example: Mickey mouse, Bowser, Spyro, the koopalings, Sonic, etc...
What do furries do?
Uniformed public: rape animals children and other people in animal costumes
Informed Public: raise money for charities, explore their creative sides, and helps each other out.
see where i am going with this? the main issue with the public opinion on furries is that they see us as immoral rape machines or something along those lines. but let's take a look at statistics. if you own a fursuit you are most likely well off or a creator os such suits. they are expensive as hell to get and even more so to maintain. so WHY IN THE HELL WOULD YOU RUIN ONE BY HAVING SEX IN IT? the truth is we don't! this misconception comes from a misrepersentation of furries done by the media. more commonly that one episode of CSI.
onto the blatant attempt made by this person to make the furry fandom outright illegal in any part of the world. while i agree Zoophilia is wrong and no animal should be used by anyone in that way. they are completely misguided and clearly hating on something they do not understand. Furries are not sexually attracted to animal themselves. but might harbour a secret attraction to FICTIONAL characters. that is the important thing to remember the furry fandom loves anthropomorphic animals. animals that like humans can walk on two legs or talk or even both. so no animal is being harmed or used sexually by someone expressing a love of these completely made up animals. I myself am a furry yet I own a cat and care for him as a normal pet. I feed him and hold him. but never once would i consider harming him in any way. and I know many other furries who also own pets and they would never hurt their pets either.
the honest truth of the matter is that this person hates the furry fandom because of a completely fabricated fact the media enforces, I urge anyone that reads this to report this petition as hateful. because it is. if you can not take my word on this then research the furry fandom on wikipedia. and no the dramatica version doesn't count.
(PS this is just a rant to make ME feel better.)
Friend in Need
General | Posted 10 years agoMy friend need to get money to fix her vehicle. here is a link to her journal please take a look. http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/7375964/
Note to self.
General | Posted 10 years agofalling asleep on my keyboard is NOT a good idea....
OH GOD WHY?
General | Posted 10 years agoXD ok so i was watching old episodes of Robot chicken and came across this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FIY41LrvMFQ , I've seen it before but i can't stop laughing at it.
Why I Am NOT a good person.
General | Posted 10 years agoi take it most people know by now i am not a nice person. and there is a reason why. when things are unfair I tend to rant, or when people are just plain thinking only about themselves I get angry and rant. as such i tend to push people away to avoid that. and right now I want nothing to do with anyone. so yes I'm not a nice person. I'm not a good person. I am a person that want nothing to do with the world.
will take commissions if anyone is interested.
General | Posted 10 years agojust letting people know i am willing to take commissions on a PWYW (pay what you want) bases. all i ask is you keep from asking for anything on my will not draw list. meanwhile I am going to work on two back logged ones for 
Elementalwolf just note me or comment below if your interested. if you have skype you can contact me there. current display name is Disaster the Dragon.
Elementalwolf just note me or comment below if your interested. if you have skype you can contact me there. current display name is Disaster the Dragon.Stream Rules
General | Posted 10 years agook so something I've noticed is a lack of respect for artists in their own streams. people speaking out on ideas and even going as far to state tehy are leaving because ideas make them uncomfortable. so I figure i would point out a few rules that are kinda expected of stream watchers.
1. Don't speak out against a artist creativity.
This is the major one. some people feel the need to push their opinions on others and ruin someones idea because they personally don't like it then it shouldn't be done. or at least that is how they think. a polite stream watcher would just shrug it off or leave if it really makes them uncomfortable. which leads into the next point.
2. DON'T announce your leaving because of content.
some artists motivation is very fragile and people saying things like "I'm leaving because this idea makes me uncomfortable." or "This idea goes against my views" can seriously harm their motivation. a polite stream watcher would leave quietly and perserve the streamers motivation for those that do stay to watch.
3. STOP ASKING FOR FREE ART!!
this is another major one. a person streams and instantly people start swarming to them to bug them about getting art. perferably free. every artist has the right to charge for their work as it is time taken out of their lives to put together the image. even digital artists need a income of some sort. as the tools for doing said art is not cheap. a decent tablet can cost enough that people like me who only get about 400 a month can't reasonably purchase a replacement if their tablet was to break.
4. LINKS STOP WITH THE LINKS
some artists allow links to be shared on their stream. but that is one a few. the polite watcher will ask if the artist minds if you share a link. ESPECIALLY IF IT IS TO SOMEONE ELSE'S ART!
5. Roleplaying
this while minor in my eyes can be a big problem for others. most streamers don't like it when you roleplay on their stream. so before you start humping the shit out of someone on their stream etc... make sure they don't mind it.
and with that last one that is some of the basic Stream Rules people seem to forget. while the free art is alright if the artist is offering just don't bug them or ask them unless it is offered.
1. Don't speak out against a artist creativity.
This is the major one. some people feel the need to push their opinions on others and ruin someones idea because they personally don't like it then it shouldn't be done. or at least that is how they think. a polite stream watcher would just shrug it off or leave if it really makes them uncomfortable. which leads into the next point.
2. DON'T announce your leaving because of content.
some artists motivation is very fragile and people saying things like "I'm leaving because this idea makes me uncomfortable." or "This idea goes against my views" can seriously harm their motivation. a polite stream watcher would leave quietly and perserve the streamers motivation for those that do stay to watch.
3. STOP ASKING FOR FREE ART!!
this is another major one. a person streams and instantly people start swarming to them to bug them about getting art. perferably free. every artist has the right to charge for their work as it is time taken out of their lives to put together the image. even digital artists need a income of some sort. as the tools for doing said art is not cheap. a decent tablet can cost enough that people like me who only get about 400 a month can't reasonably purchase a replacement if their tablet was to break.
4. LINKS STOP WITH THE LINKS
some artists allow links to be shared on their stream. but that is one a few. the polite watcher will ask if the artist minds if you share a link. ESPECIALLY IF IT IS TO SOMEONE ELSE'S ART!
5. Roleplaying
this while minor in my eyes can be a big problem for others. most streamers don't like it when you roleplay on their stream. so before you start humping the shit out of someone on their stream etc... make sure they don't mind it.
and with that last one that is some of the basic Stream Rules people seem to forget. while the free art is alright if the artist is offering just don't bug them or ask them unless it is offered.
Phantom Limbs, Phantom pain?
General | Posted 10 years agoso as most people know I identify as a dragon IRL, and I have always felt phantom limbs like wings and a tail even a snout i know isn't there. but as of lately people happen to step where my tail is or i bump my phantom muzzle and experience pain from it. I'm just curious if any other dragonkin have had the same experience. just today dad stepped on my tail and I could barely keep myself from doing one of two things. the first is breaking out into tears of pain. (it really hurt) and the other is decking him the face by instinct. and I've been having difficulty sleeping because of the way I have to lay because of pains that go through my back is I lay on my wings.... so any help to deal with such pain would be helpful.update
General | Posted 10 years agomost of it has blown over so i'm in no rush to leave, but i will still be looking for new housing options. and if i can find somewhere nearby i will be moving. i will just keep a sleeping scheduel that will keep me from having to interact with them.
Need OUT
General | Posted 10 years agowiriting this for those who even give a shit about me. I might disappear for a while. I need to get out of this house. BAD. I'm tired of my stuff disappearing and then being told that it's all in my head. DAD also seems to think all I care about is fight when the truth is I'm tired of putting up with their shit. I ask them nicely they ignore me. so yeah i get pissed off. and when that happens then they decide that I'm the fucking problem. no it's those fucking assholes that are the problem. I'm so tired of losing things important to me because they don't have the common decency to leave me the fuck alone. and worse he grabbed me. I got a huge fucking bruise on my arm because of it. so yeah chances are I'll probably be on the street. because I can NOT stay here.
Something I need to talk about.
General | Posted 10 years agook, So this rant has been boiling in me for a few months now, and I need to get it out or I'm gonna go insane. this IS a warning that this IS a rant, so if you'd rather not read it, then don't.
BDSM relationships, name the master/pet or master/slave relationships. I feel i need to go over the basics of how such relationships work. and the code of conduct for a relationship.
Masters/Mistress': while there are many good masters out there, I have noticed that some are...not that great. I am speaking from personal experiences. so here is a few things that need to be observed for masters.
1. NO STILL MEANS NO, when a slave/pet gets uncomfortable with something they might be willing to play along to a degree but even so if they use the safeword or start yelling no or stop (If it isn't part of a RP scenario) you are obligated to STOP. BDSM relationships are build off trust and consent and breaking the basic safeword law will shatter your relationship.
2. SLAVES AND PETS ARE STILL HUMAN! no matter if they play the part of pony puppy or kitty they are still human and feel emotions like everone else. so be a good master and make sure they have their basic needs and check up on them from time to time. I'm not saying ever few minutes but going for months at a time without a single hello how are you doing is wrong. busy or not.
3. BE AWARE OF YOUR SLAVE/PETS LIMITS: everyone has limits. so be sure to ask about them before you start doing any kind of BDSM play. while your one pet may have enjoyed breathplay. others aren't so receptive to the idea as it puts them in a situation where one wrong move could outright kill them.
4. BE RESPECTFUL TO THEM, yes they are your pet/slave, and sometime they need to be punished. BUT that does not give you the right to beat them down with words or hurt them badly enough that they can't move. punishment is another form of play and going beyond reason is wrong.
Pets/slaves: masters/mistress' aren't always the ones to blame for break basic rules and conduct for this type of relationship.
1. FOLLOW RULES, you are in a relationship. if your told not to interact withother slaves/masters then you don't interact with them. only your master/mistress has the right to punish or interact with you.
2. BE LOYAL, this is one that really makes me angry at times. you have a good master. you love them yet...your friend has a master that your attracted to so you go behind your masters back and interact with them in a sexual manner. that is NOT OK. your in a relationship with your master. your his pet/slave. you have to have HIS/HER permission to do stuff with others.
3. COMPROMISE: again another one of my pet peeves. your in a relationship where you have kinks that your master/mistress doesn't like but they indulge you anyways. you have to be willing to indulge in some of there kinks too. this is again a relationship there has to be a give and take going on. not just all take.
and there you have it. some things i figured that people needed to remember about a BDSM style relationship. so go ahead and try to justify yourselves in the comments. I won't be reading them or replying to them. good day~<3couple updates.
General | Posted 10 years agoSO alot of you probably noticed my reflection journal when it was posted. just wanted to clarify somethings. first of all I wrote that at the lowest point of my life. so just ignore it. also the pokemon rubber cup IS STILL happening. it is just I'm waiting on a delivery of a new tablet pen as my current one has a tendency to make marks i didn't make. so I only doodle for now. (even then it is a hell of a clean up) another note is that the doodles I have posted are not a reflection on what I will be doing in the future. as those are like i said just a doodle. while the royal stallion picture I did was fun and a little different then my other pony play outfits It won't be getting a update. at least not in the near future. also the Dragon's Sin of Wrath pic again is just a fanart based of an anime that i enjoyed. (Meliodas is the true Dragon's Sin of wrath.) that is all.Anger
General | Posted 10 years agotitle says it all.
Reflection
General | Posted 10 years agoI've been on FA for about 3 years now and every once and a while I get on to see a image i really cannot un-see no matter how much i want to. >.=.>: so out of curiousity I was wondering if anyone has seen a image they really wish they could un-see as well. the biggest one for me would probably be a hyper goofy image i saw a year or so ago. it legit made me sick to my stomach.
