question. how do I stop having depression and have confidence to post my garbage art again?

I like learning stuff with other people and being taught things, having guidance, and also being forced to do things. because I have no inner motivation. I liked art college..........
but if I go back to college, my iconic brand I've built around my "disappointment and academic failure" identity will no longer be accurate. :/

I wrote a fic!! just to try. I don't write much, so it's not that good but it was fun. technically just a dad x trans son incest porn fic, but I stuffed some conflicting feelings in there. "no prior sexual abuse" is standard for me, but in this one there's some memories of prior physical abuse. I have some new characters I'm playing with.

it's on Archive of Our Own, but I'll post it here too. when I think of a thumbnail.
anyway here you go:
https://archiveofourown.org/works/53161306

it's second person POV (you this, you that) to show this OC's own inner stream of consciousness and rationalizing about the situation. kind of a love-hate relationship with his dad. he can't get through to him and see what he's thinking. but sex is vulnerability and an opening to connect with him... in a way...

I've been doing comms for some IRLs and it's haarddddd 😭 it does not look worth a price tag man oof

blahhh.... I haven't posted anything in a while because I'm unsatisfied with my art, and kind of deep in depression, kind of tired all the time. but, I'm active on twitter and tumblr. active as in, I retweet and reblog some stuff. about cats and writing mostly. and gravity falls.

https://twitter.com/dropoutfailure
https://dropoutfailure.tumblr.com/ or https://www.tumblr.com/dropoutfailure
(tumblr is. unique. you get 2 urls just for formatting difference: the first is like a proper customizable blog, and the 2nd is a standardized one, like a twitter page)

saw someone who was very into gore have "problematic freaks dni" written on their profile lol

kinda paradoxical

nobody:

me: I wish my father loved me :(
my 2 remaining braincells: let's turn that desire into some incest drawings to cope :)

it's midnight and I'm thinking about how I made some horny scribbles of Totoro once because I mean... he's big and soft and sweet ... I want kiss

I actually could not bring myself to actually draw actual nsfw though bc he's still too pure and I cannot

he's kissable but not lewdable

been drawing some stuff, finally put down some colors for my characters. thought of catdad as a stripy greyscale tabby for the longest time but I decided on tuxedo colors instead.

life has been going not-terribly, I feel okay. still depressed, but. I'm making it work. I'll be okay eventually.

I unironically love cats. and making cat characters bc cat behaviour is so interesting to learn and portray in anthro characters.

like if they're sick or in pain they hide it and go lay down to die somewhere dark... which is really depressing to consider. but also relatable for me as a majorly depressed person with an inability to ask for help because people who I expected to be helpful like a youth shelter told me to fuck off because I was grown up enough to deal with my insane parents myself. bruh. I was 14.

anyway I want a loving father out of life bc mine is really distant and I don't think I've been hugged for about 10 years now

I think I'm tipsy so I'll probably delete this later when I realise how embarrassing this reads

I'm 20, a guy and wow this site looks alot like deviantart. I like traditional drawing and cats.

I'm not sure if I consider myself a furry, like fursuits are really ...bizarre imho but I like drawing animal characters recently so I made an account to post these sketches.

specifically this cat and his dad in a ...relationship of some kind because I'm also bizarre. consensual and adult relationship because I still have some morals left lol peace ✌✌✌