I'm able to load up and use the animations without errors! They are jank and not exactly what I want, perhaps things are conflicting or I just need better animation packs and retexturers. But it all "works" now, hooray for me. Nemesis saved the day (after it made my life miserable until I ran it in windows 7 compatibility mode)

I have recently felt the urge to attempt to (sexually) mod skyrim for the first time. I've been making incremental successes, managed to launch without errors finally! However, nothing seems to work. All the mod menus are there, the dialogue tree is there, but none of the animations are able to register (just says 0 registered animations when I tell it to do that) so I can't do anything. I am unsure what I've done wrong, the only thing I can think of being a problem is how Mod Organizer V2.5 is telling me 5 of the major plugins are in form 43 (for old skyrim) when they should be in form 44 (for special edition) despite being specifically installed for the specific version of skyrim I am using. From what I can tell I have every last dependent file, and I have my necessary animation packs installed. Is the creature framework(v3) mod the one thing not working right, because it says it's for special edition but it's acting like it isn't? Or sexlab framework or whatever else I've got wrong. I'm not sure how to diagnose the problem when I have no errors anywhere besides the odd form 43/44 discrepancy.

With no idea what to do all I can achieve is posting this nonsense journal with no hope of getting this working @v@

Seems they've been on the rise again lately! I just had an old steam friend whom I forgot who they were send me a bogus link asking to vote for their logo in a contest. Quite the old script, but still, be on the lookout!

I thought you wanted a response..

You message me talking about my bird, it's the first thing I see when I wake up. I write out a heartfelt response venting about him and then I find out it doesn't go through because I'm blocked. I don't think my heart can take this

Minutes ago, my quaker parrot Colt passed away in my arms. He was 9 years old, quakers have a life expectancy of 20. Three weeks ago, he was showing signs of being sick. I took him in for an emergency appointment on March 14th, they told me it was a liver infection and gave me antibiotics to regularly administer him. He started showing some signs of improvement, but then yesterday began to worsen again. I held him that night, and he seemed to be.. managing, this morning. I set up another emergency vet appointment, the soonest they could do was the 1st of April, 6 days away. However, tonight, when I got back from work, he rapidly deteriorated, going into a complete daze. I waited on him and he continued to get worse, so I held him for the last few hours.. I knew he wouldn't survive the night. He spent so much time so weak, I was hoping he would pass quickly.. at 3:50am I finally caved and called a 24 hour in-home euthanasia center, and right after I hung up from that call he died in my arms. I wish I had called them hours ago, I didn't think he would last so long... but he is finally resting now. I am going to miss him more than ever.

Forgive me if I don't respond to anyone about this for a long while, I'm probably going to just lay low and take time to myself.. tomorrow I am going to bury him. I don't think I will be sleeping tonight. Thank you all for your support, I am sure I will receive and overwhelming amount of responses to this..


I had uploaded a photo of him here back when I got him. I may post more photos in the future
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/18291965/

Leaving on the 19th for a little 5 day vacation with friends and family, as my hatchday is on the 20th.



Also I dreamt about them again aaah @v@
Maybe it's fitting, given they left on my birthday last year..

Got a note 15 minutes ago from someone saying hello and that they wanted to talk with me on Outer Wilds and Rainworld
But when I clicked their profile it was disabled and when I tried to send a confused note reply I was also blocked by them

I am a bit confused

I'm just sitting here watching everyone post journals and art about how much they hated 2023, while I'm awkwardly thinking my year went pretty alright >v<

I hope some of you are able to say the same

I wonder if I am too forgiving a person. I have let several people back into my life, often the same person more than once, who have hurt me time and time again. It is very difficult for me to willingly cut off from someone, I have only ever blocked a few people, and that was because they were genuine threats to me or my mental health.

I still keep away from a select few who I know would only cause more harm to me or themselves from talking to me. People I tell myself to have the self control to never try and reach out to again even if I worry about them. There are those who I expected to never see again and am surprised to find how accepting I am of their presence in the future.

And I've been surprised to find others forgiving me for horrid actions and mistakes I felt should never be. Giving me a second chance I don't deserve.

Right now I am writing this when I should be going to sleep because I am finding myself forgiving of someone who broke my heart and I didn't expect to forgive it.

Things always felt to me like they did not heal with time, it felt like my wounds would fester and I would never come to accept things that bothered me without any further interaction. But that simply is not true, with time comes fading emotions and forgotten moments. Eventually I will just not care or even forget what happened entirely. And it comes to pass once more, I made such a fuss over a complete mess that was at least half my fault, but at the time I felt so justified in my outrage and heartbreak. Partially I still do. But I don't want to feel anger towards this person, I never did. Even with that part of my heart broken I still find myself coming to forgive them. And I know they would not try to hurt me maliciously, even if they weren't thoughtful at times. I wish I was so much better to them, and I hope they are finding better now. I never expect to speak with them again in any capacity and that is alright. It just feels like the right thing, to never see each other again regardless of circumstance. It was all a mess in the end, but I am glad that the friendship still happened. May you have a wonderful rest of your life, wherever you are.

I'm sure this journal shall be amongst hundreds of other thanksgiving journals so if you never cared to read it or never even saw it in the first place I would not blame you!


Just wished to say I'm very thankful for everything I have, truly. As far as life goes I've really lucked out in general, living without financial troubles in the developed world of today, with a loving supportive family, when I could have easily ended up with a miserable existence in any location or time period on this planet. I'm surrounded by loving friends who know me closely, who do so many wonderful things with me, and two perfect mates to spend my life with. It doesn't get much better than this, and I am thankful for all of you ❤️

Oh and uh happy thanksgiving

I had a little time before bed so I posted 17 things I saved from his gallery to e621 (I hit my upload limit)
If you're interested here they are~
https://e621.net/posts?tags=icypercy

Did anyone know him, or a way to contact him? He deleted his profile a while ago and I wanted to see if he was well. I may go posting his stuff to e621 in his absence once I have time, I don't want his art to be lost

Why are some people so hell bent on making their own lives more miserable? Distancing and cutting off from friends, rejecting love and help wherever possible. Ignoring all the feelings from the people they supposedly cared about and making sure everyone feels worse. And once they choose to do it, you're just powerless to stop them, because they don't care about how much you or their other friends like them. It's too much

https://youtu.be/D2oP40z9QWA?si=vmN58pm2_PzTrECe

That is all

Artists who suddenly get cold feet and dump their galleries of nsfw feral content or get bullied into it, makes my blood boil. All these people going around trying to push nsfw feral art out of spaces it's already well established and clearly damn fine. It's art, it's fiction, it cannot hurt you. If you don't like it don't look at it.

And anyone who may encounter these bullheaded idiots, please don't ever cave in and delete anything. While I can only speak for myself in not backing down, it certainly hurts to see so many artists I followed abruptly delete any of their work.

How hateful people can be over minor and often completely unrelated issues? They just can't let a different viewpoint exist and will go out of their way to get involved no matter how little that viewpoint may get brought up.

I'm feeling fine and this isn't related to any recent events. Just something I've always noticed and don't really tolerate in people.

Why must I dream of hanging out all day with the one who ultimately didn't care about me or anyone else in the end, no matter how many times before they told me "I love you" or "You're my closest friend" over the years? I even kept having thoughts creeping in during the dream, asking myself "Why am I hanging out with them, I don't forgive them" from time to time. Ultimately I woke up before I was able to come to my senses. I'm tired of them occupying my mind. They didn't deserve my love if they were so easily able to abandon the years of being there for each other. The years of me being there for every intense depressive mood and phase, working them through their past trauma until they were free from the shackles of hating themselves. And what I got in return? Once they were free from their shackles, I guess they didn't need me anymore. And they didn't care to be there for me when I happened to be down. So they just spread their wings and left. They left everyone, they had gotten bored of all the friends they made and wanted to start fresh. Years of my damn passion and love fucking wasted

Multiple others approached me to ask why. "Why have they been acting like this?"
That's the thing, they don't care. They happily threw away all of their close relationships on a whim. They don't look back, they don't want to care. They don't want consequences for how they act and treat people. Once someone realizes they are being used, they are cast aside. No time to feel regret over what you've done, only time for new exciting infatuation after inatuation. I even have chat logs from those others confirming it all. How the moment they are upset they are shown the door and that's the end of it. I can't imagine treating people like their friendship is so meaningless.

Wow that clarification update makes things just as bad as feared! They're even banning eevees now, damn morons.

I know the "it's the end" changes tend to happen all the time without an end ever taking place, but this recent one is certainly going to needlessly hurt a large portion of the site! I'm not sure if any of my stuff applies as I don't tend to draw in a chibi style but damn do I feel bad for all of the artists who are being impacted.

Random example:  Argon_vile spoke with admins and 96% of their gallery needs to be removed due to their artstyle, shown in this journal here https://www.furaffinity.net/journal/10553034/
Quite awful moderation in my opinion xvx

https://youtu.be/sJH-fh07EQw
♫ ~ Keep your eyes on the road ahead
Don't be drawn into the light or the shadows in your head.
Keep your eyes on the road ahead
And don't ever look back,
Don't ever look back
'Cause iiiiiiiiiii....
I've got a feeling in my bones that everything's gonna be fine ~ ♫

It was incredible and made me cry in a good way I loved it uvu

But they keep haunting my dreams. Dreaming of them apologizing and holding me in their arms. Why can't this unconscious torment just stop. I spent so much time chasing them, staying with them through every horrible thing they felt no matter how much they devalued themselves, myself and other friends all trying to support them and make them see how loved they were, despite how they most often wouldn't return that kindness. They wanted the comforts of and fun times of deep companionship without having to give it in return. And they chase the high of new and exciting relationships while leaving the old ones behind.

I'm really done chasing them. Why can't my broken heart just let me rest and stop teasing me with impossible fantasies, they are gone and it should stay that way. I'd like the torment to stop