Yep, it's my birthday. 59 does not feel so bad, right? No rant this time folks, I'm just going to grin and bear it. Cheers.

Yep, it's been awhile now since I wrote a journal and I have been thinking if I should start up this art thing. I'm getting older so I think it means I'm not craving much attention anymore. Although I am not happy with the level of skill I am currently at, trying to decide if improvement is needed or should I even bother.

I living situation has not changed, still living with my so-called girlfriend, supporting her needs while having my needs neglected, but hey, one of the trade-offs of getting older, lack of interest from the partner so settling down to just existing, after all, who needs sex anyway.

I have not picked up a pencil in several years, don't know where to start, no fresh ideas, no incentive, no duh. I think I will just settle on being a watcher and enjoy the show. Have fun folks.

The short part. Birthday was the 5th, did not like it one bit, I'm 58, who cares, end of story.
Please don't comment.

*** Warning! Depressing Ranting ahead due to holiday depression. Read at your own risk. ***

Now that the disclaimer is out of the way, on to the rant. I've done these "Feed an artist to Christmas" for quite awhile now. Not much change in the content, I rant and rave about such things as my inability to improve my art, my living conditions, and other things not really worth mentioning. Just to say that I think Christmas has eaten enough and refuses to take another bite. As much as I tried to coax it to eat, spiking myself with pessimism, self-loathing, and a sprinkling of false hope, it refuses to even nibble. Honestly I think somebody has been feeding Christmas while I was not looking and of all things, feeding it writers!!! Nothing spoils an appetite more than writers, although I remember once somebody feeding an expressive dancer to Christmas, man, poor Christmas was so high and confused, it would not come down for a week.

It got me thinking maybe I should take up writing again, you know, to try and win Christmas over to me again. Maybe dust off some of my old works and revamp it a bit......

Huh? Christmas? What are you doing with that axe??? No! Wait! I did not mean it, honestly! Now put that axe down, and I will try and draw you a bunny, a sexy bunny, one with a big rack and.... What do you mean you want one with a big rack and a long ....... Now look here! I have my principles to think about here. Ok, I will draw one with a big rack and a strap-on, happy now?


There you go folks. There may not be a feeding an artist to Christmas this year since Christmas is going into rehab for a Bunny-Herm addiction and I got some heavy thinking to do.

Merry Christmas and hoping New Years wants a Nude Deer. :)

Those of you who have not noticed, or have but did not say anything, Art from me has halted. I sorta lost my inspiration for it, or lost my way. I guess the only thing to do until I can find myself again is to become a watcher. Who's to say, maybe getting older has shut off my creative juices, or I have gotten tired of being a pretender. Either way, it's been a good run, best to leave this stuff to they young.

I'll be around, I'll still fave, I'll communicate if anyone wants to, but as of late, I feel forgotten, best I stay that way.

Later folks.

**** Warning, Holiday depression rant ahead, Run while you still can, in other words, reading is not required! ****


*** Rant Starts Here! ***

Yep, the title would make a good piece of art, but nope ain't going to happen.
Lately, nothing is happening art-wise. I think it has been two years since I last posted
anything anywhere. Within those two years a lot happened to me, family members and
ancient friends dropping like flies, losing a job I had for over 14 years, eviction, two attempted
suicides, homelessness, a girlfriend who decided to turn our relationship into one of dependency
and platonic love with no intimacy whatsoever, having to live with said girlfriend with no chance
of leaving her for somebody better, and to add insult to injury, working a part-time job which does
not pay much, just prolonging the agony.

So you can see, not much incentive to do art and I am getting the feeling I may never pick up
another pencil again. The good news is that I am still alive, I got ideas, and that is just about
it. Let's face it, I'm getting way too old to try and live a life where I am only bound to what
limitations I have.

I guess that is all I can muster. The only thing I can still do is admire the art here on FA and a few
other sites and hope my inspiration returns to me. If anything, I have no-one to impress, no reason
for creativity.

Now as for that Reindeer Revolution, it still sounds like a good idea, I might draw it, or I might just
pass it on to somebody else with more talent to bring it to life. Only time will tell and from what I am
feeling, time might be short. Anyway, you all enjoy your holidays, Happy Hanukkah, Merry Christmas, Happy Kwanza, and Festivus for the Rest of us, oh yes, Happy Winter Solstices.

Birthday come, yawned, smiled for a second, went through the day as usual, thanked what few well wishers I had, yawned, frowned, went to sleep, next day, woke up, normal day. Just about the size of it folks, best advice, try not to get old.

Once more it is the annual hunt for cupid, on this day when love is in the air and couples hook up, it's a day where I find myself wondering with will go nicely, black or grey for the cupid hunt. Now don't get me wrong, I have nothing against the ideas behind Valentine's day, but that little winged rat ruined my life with those little arrows. Am I sounding bitter? Maybe just a little. True that cupid did find me love, but it is a relationship of convenience, namely me catering to my other half. I am more than willing to give her my heart and soul, providing for her, caring for her, trying within my power to give her whatever she wanted. What do I get in return? Just the words, "I love you" and maybe a kiss on the cheek.

Now before folks out there say that this relationship is wrong and I should run the hell away, please understand this, I'm in my twilight years, because I seem to have an over abundance of compassion, because I am so sick and tired of even thinking of resuming the chase with somebody else, I've grown a dislike for Cupid and all he represents, at the moment. I'm losing my faith in true love and at the moment just resigning myself to just being needed.

I can't think of anything else to say rant worthy, just that I hold no ill will towards those who enjoy this day, more power to ya. One day I will realize that you can't fight the power, until then, while roses and chocolate covered strawberries are consumed, I will be sitting in my blind with the cherub in my sights and wondering if I should pull the trigger. :)

Ok, the title was a bit deceiving but if it got your attention, oh goodie. Anyway, another Christmas has some and gone. Nothing special happened, no Christmas Magic, no horny reindeer does visitations, no attack of the Plum Pudding Monster, and the worst of all, no incentive to do art. Things are not going too well for the chow, trying to get settled with co-habituating with my girlfriend, trying to get rid of my apartment and such. It ain't easy, no place to set up my drawing studio, thus no art.

I don't know where I am going to go from here.

Like the title says, I'm in Rehab. Long story short, life took a big bite out of me and spat out the chunks. I am slowly putting things back together. Health issues, (Nerve damage in my hands gotten slightly worse but meds are working now.) slight mental dysfunction, (stress gotten to the point where I almost lost it) Financial woes, (bills bills, bills!) and assorted other things. for a while I was going to give up the art and slowly vegetate. but looking back at my gallery, I have not posted anything in two years!!! So here we go folks, Artist's Rehab! The art that follows may not be my best, and for the subject in hand, or hoof, I succumbed the the temptation of ponies, to the point that I'm one step away from being a Brony, (Must resist, must resist!!!) So bear with me folks, I will be back to molesting bunnies, I just gotta get these little ponies out of my system. Cheers.

I seem to have come down with a bad case of Bronyitis. Here I thought I was resilient to it but nah, or is it neigh? Sure, I've seen a few episodes of My Little Pony:FiM, and in my past I've viewed a few from the previous generations, but nothing ever came out of that. But now, I think I got it bad. What little time I have to even do art, I've been working on one or two sketches, fleshing them out, (or horse fleshing them out).... See folks!!! the ponies have even taken over my puns. Now don't get me wrong, I am not hating ponies, in fact I fave a few artists who are into ponies. Now I'm infected but I can't promise that there will be art coming up, I'm still down in the dumps about my art.

So in advance, my profound apologies for a possible flood of pony stuff, maybe just a little pony porn, it's the illness, it has me so bad, I feel like clopping.

I think the "All Clear"siren went off so it seems safe enough to venture out again. I have been trying my best to get motivated enough to draw again, since I missed doing a Christmas picture. I predict that I will try and do a Chinese New Year picture or my twist which will be a Chinese Nude Deer picture. I am not overly confident about drawing dragons but I've done a few in the past, the worst that can happen is that FA comes down with a rampant plague of folks gouging out their eyes.

I am going to try and make 2012 bearable for you folks so I am cutting back in the whining and such. To those who left FA, Sorry to see ya go. For the ones who are new, Come in, cop a squat and don't worry about some of the hostilities, they are all bark and very little bite. Happy New Year everyone.

At first I thought of just opening yet another journal with the usual how my life sucks kind of junk but what the hell, I give up! You see, I had this dream last night about going to a party. I would think it would be the Christmas party from hell, but oddly enough it was not that sort of party. Usually when I have these types of dreams it is with people I know from my day to day life, such as co-workers, family and such. No, I could never be so lucky. It was a Furry Christmas party with old friends from Yiffnet, AnthroChat, and assorted other places including folks I met in RL such as from conventions.

Oh, it would have been a doozy too if this was one of those standard dreams where I walk into a party wearing nothing but my tighty whities, but Fate was never kind to me. Fully clothed, yet feeling I was naked and alone. I just stood there, mouth open perplexed look upon my face. My eyes wandering from one conversation to another. This went on all evening, dreamtime, finally something was happening and I got called away. To put on a Santa suit grab a bag of gifts. A unknown looming figure told me that I was the Secret Santa and I was to pass out gifts to everyone. So skipping around like some sort of nut case, I went from person to person, reading into my bag and handing out a gift. At the end of all this, everyone got a gift, everyone cheered and hugged each other, with the exception of you know who, I tipped away into the shadows.

Outside it began to snow, and the looming unknown figure walked up to me and said. "You did good tonight, everyone is happy." At this point I ripped off the fake beard, tossed down the hat and threw the empty sack into the unknown's faceless face. I huffed and growled, yet the words I wanted to say did not come out. I peeled off the Santa suit until I was wearing nothing but aforementioned tightie whities and walked out into the snow. Before I woke up, the figure said. "Don't go away angry, just keep in mind that it will be the same thing next year."

Is there a moral to this dream??? Hell no, when have dreams ever made sense! I suggest you all don't look into it too deep. Folks it could have been worse, the party goers could have all been Ponies. So Merry Christmas to all, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Kwanzaa, Merry Festivus for the rest of us. I'm going to curl up with a hot cup of spiked coco, a blank sketchbook and tons of regret for losing friends who did not really seem like friends. Cheers.

And if folks were wondering why I did not post anything on the 5th is this month about my birthday, lets just day I've gotten to the point in my life where my own birthday is no longer a big deal. Not to say that for anyone else who is about my age it should not be a big deal, by all means, enjoy your birthday. It is just that with the absence of any incentive to draw, or to socialize at all, I'm not the happy puppy I used to be.

Don't know when I will draw again, don't know when I will comment again, of course I will view art and fave and if need to, comment on the art that is faved that will not change. Too much as gone on in my life to be happy, two deaths one family, one extended family.

Oh well, just a little know to let folks know I am still alive and kicking. Cheers.

You gotta love the younger generation these days. Two camps have emerged, one camp devoted to anything My Little Pony, including the seldom seen raunchy side, and that group who pleads that no pony porn be made for fear of doing harm to one's childhood.

Now don't get me wrong, (famous last words) I can sympathize with both sides. My mature side sees no wrong with pony porn as long as it does not go overboard, meaning everyone who is everyone and quite a lot of unknowns draw pony porn until massive amounts of brain cells die a horrible overstimulated death. Why stifle creative mojo if it can further an artist's experience. On the other hand, too much is too much sometimes.

It's the arguments going on by some that is keeping me from doing any art for fear that I might slip and a naked pony escapes. (who am I kidding, the vast majority of ponies are naked, just on real secondary sexual characteristics showing to cause arousal and stimulation.) So here I stand, should I defile a pony today just to clear off the rust of my talent and draw again, or should I just leave them be and let those with lesser control go nuts.

I think I will stick with bunnies, I hardly hear any complains about Bunny Porn. :0)

... There goes my inspiration, I felt it go away when you said goodbye.

Not what I really had in mind to type but it came in mind as I prepared to try and vent.

For the past few days, I have noticed an artist who I admired and liked over the years, he posted two pictures recently that for me was more than fave-worthy yet I chose not to fave them. for a brief moment I felt a bit jaded. I sat back and thought for a moment, there were quite a few artists here on FA who survived the test of time and who I considered great names in the genre, people who I would go up at a con and shake their hand and thank them for the wonderful art they produced over the years. There are even some up and coming artists on that list too who I would love to meet and greet yet I feel that I am beneath them.

I had thoughts of going through my list of people I watch and culling a little bit, but hey, would that be fair to them? What's one less watcher to them when they have an entire genre at their fingertips. Thus is the dilemma that is currently haunting me. There are quite a few artists who are just getting their feet wet in this genre who I had thoughts of watching and faving to give them the support much needed these days, yet I hesitate for some odd reason. Not jaded because they might be better than I am, saddened that somewhere along the line they may face what I am facing now in the future.

These eyes and this mind have seen folks rose from the ranks from humble beginnings, heck, I know a few of them, should I turn my back on them now? And what of my inspiration? So many ideas yet I've lost the desire to draw them out, or write them out. I don't know they may be just a furry midlife crisis, I just feel conflicted at the decision I may have to make.

Saying that, if some of you out there notice that I have unwatched you, please do not take it personally. I felt that tossing these thoughts out for all to see will at least give me some sense of something, that I'm not talking behind folks back, being up front and honest. This may just be a phase I am passing though, who knows, hardly anyone reads my journals anyway but this chow has to howl a lonely howl in the night now and then. Cheers.

It's how I feel today.

Yep, time to feed an artist to Christmas and the holiday demands a Christmas shrubbery!

The artist block still rages on. I have picked up a pencil and drew, it was for an animation I had put on the shelf for so long and so far I still got nothing. Nothing sucks more than trying to learn animation without a benefit of a school or a mentor, oh yea, did I mention that I have no talent for it? The season had me pondering things such as...

In the Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer continuity, what would happen if the Abominable Snowman got a set of dentures for Christmas, would he go on a rampage and eat everyone?

Anyway, I will at least try and produce something to show folks that I'm still alive so you all have yourself a paramilitary Christmas, and a happy nude deer.

Oh what do I mean??? The holiday season has crept up on me again. I got winamp streaming demented X-mas songs, I got my list made out for holiday nuts, filled candies, egg nog and x-mas fruit. Soon I will have the X-mas twig ready and the holiday welcome mat is ready to be placed.

I do not know why the upcoming season makes me feel so so so... Ya know what I mean.

No, I have not forgotten about all of you out there, I'm dusting off the pencils but my art schedule is a mess! I will try and pump out a Christmas picture or two. So you folks just sit back, put another log on the fire, and write out those Christmas lists, and don't be disappointed if Santa arrives late, I'll be out and about trying to lure his Reindeer Does into my home.

Yep it is that time of year again, where I lose a bit more hair, a bit more of it turns gray, the bones begin their sad creaking song and the old sex drive starts to sputter.

Today is my birthday. A half century plus two. No major plans for today, just try and get through work, try and get through the night with my psycho better half, and longing for younger days when I was able to crank out art like there were no tomorrow.

Salute and please pass the ben gay.

It seems that my motivation to do new art has fallen through the grooves. The latest year 0 posting keeps coming up with more pages I forgot, either I forgot or were too ashamed to post them in the distant past.

Either way, I want to get back to drawing, honestly, I just have to find the motivation.

All good things (or bad things) must come to an end, such is the case of the Year Zero submissions. I will be posting just a few more before I try and resume regular art operations. It was fun looking back to those golden years, my only regret is that the lined paper volumes are still lost and I suspect were left at the Vernon Estate in the move.

The lapse gave me a chance to reflect on where I have been and if I should continue forward. I have said this more times and I will continue to say, that I am no professional artist, I only do this for the love of art and not for profit. My expectations are not set too high which is alright with me and I only hope it is alright for those who view my art. For high quality art worthy of paying for I suggest the many fine artists here on FA.

On a side note: I miss the many friends I had over the years and wish I can touch base with them again. I'm still a bit shy over for forming new friendships and I hope folks do understand that it is not their fault, just how this chowish mind works.

Cheers.

The current artist's block shows no signs of letting up. I have not picked up a pencil and did anything creative or furry related in a few months now.

Aside from doing small pieces for my GF's family for such things as birthdays, nothing seems to inspire me. So what to do? A look back, going way back , Back to when I started drawing on a regular basis in the hopes if improving enough, way back before I even heard of the fandom.

A warning to those, what is to be posted is stuff I did in my youth and in my youth, I mean when I was 17,18 and beyond. Art purists beware! this is amateur work I'm about to vomit forth so please excuse the obvious mistakes.

Efforts are being made to re-energize my creativity, short of asking the science community to genetically develop an anthro bunny doe to inspire me. (yea, that's a reach for sure.) So bear with me folks, critics, get your eye bleach and your ice picks ready, do your worst, any comment can't sting me as much as being in a non-stop artist's block.

Cheers from the Chow.

And the questions continues, or so I think there were questions...

What happened to the chow? No new pictures, All he is doing is faving.
We have not heard from him in a while, did he leave? What is the sound of one flipper clapping.

Well, if those and other questions are being asked, I will try to answer them, if no questions are asked, oh well, I guess I will answer them just to see and hear myself type.

I took a break from drawing, frustrations and such, I got the ideas but not enough motivation to flesh them out. I figured an extended rest from artwork might put me back into sorts. Keep in mind, there will be re-runs, maybe not now, but at least something to fill the gap while I try to sort stuff out. Between nearly losing my right hand, coping with RL crap that would kill a normal person, and struggling with minor health issues, I'm still hanging around. Of course I could learn to draw with my left hand and rename myself "Spot, the amazing garden slug." but I very much doubt that will happen in the near future.

So, what is in the possible future??? Nothing much, I do plan on finishing stuff that I've started, but I am not sure what I will draw next.

Ok then, now that we have established that I am not dead or something, I will continue to fave, make a comment or two so carry on folks. Cheers.

For the past several months, I had this dislocated feeling, as if I feel I am just an observer out the outside rubbernecking at the wreck of somebody's life, namely my life. Artwork and ideas have ground to a halt and I'm at a loss on how to jumpstart it.

Strange things have been floating around my gourd such as calling it quits.
but that would be admitting defeat, eh?

So I figured, what to do? It could be the fact that I have been pushing myself to produce art, trying to do the right thing by trying to improve, to make myself at least within par with the rest of the art community, but it is just not hacking it.

Well now, if you can't go up, then head down, way down, down deep into the darkest recesses of the genre. Shotty art to the magnitude of stick figures, bad anatomy, bad porn, and most of all, Rule 34 everything that is not nailed down, and even to go as far as to get a claw hammer to steal the nails and rule 34 them.

(Insert Primal Scream here.)

What brought this on??? I am currently working on a pic which at first I thought the idea and the concept was good, but half way into the coloring phase, I took a good hard look at what I have done, even without looking at the art of others and noticed something was quite wrong. I've been trying hard to overcompensate by using vast amount of deadpan humor to detract from the ghod awful art.

So I stand, at the rim of the pit, looking down, and expecting it to give me the finger. Should I go all bad boy and become a menace to the genre, or should I try and fool myself into thinking there is still hope for this old dog. The coming weeks will tell.

(No, this does not have anything to do with the following: My love life has gone sour, I'm finally feeling that being 51 does not mean I'm cool and living a second childhood, that in RL the number of female friends I have can be counted on one hand and online female friends are kinda moot because it is hard to tell how is male and who is female anymore.)
(( I could add more but even writing this much is depressing.))