I just noticed that I hadn't updated my age for over 2 years.

Yay for that!

This is a filler. This is only a filler.

Dur, totally forgot to... y'know... Update this thing. Still working at my job at the vapor place, but!

I got a new computer! :D yeah that's about it...

:D I'm so excited. Someone with much more experience in writing than myself has critiqued one of my works. It felt... Awesome, to actually have someone look at my writing with a discerning eye and give me actual feedback on it. It actually makes me excited to write again.

Okay, back to class. XD

Stupid, stupid writers block. I wrote a paragraph, felt good about it, started arguing with Word about passive voice then quickly lost interest after fixing said passive voice. Maybe if I get a page or so written, I'll be able to actually... Do something.

Until then, bleh.

Hah! I'm back! Kind of. Well, I'm writing again anyway, so there's that :x

But yeah! Finally changed my icon. I don't know why I hadn't done it earlier, but meh! So, yeah.

Like the title says, new story incoming soon. Already have 7 pages and I just started earlier today. I'm excited for it :D yey

I have been having, for the most part, what can only be called as a fear of writing as of late.I'm starting to sense that it's not so much that I don't have the inspiration to write, but when I start writing, I start to really doubt my ability to do so, or the quality, and just stop.

I hate it, because I have so many ideas running through my head at any one point for stories, or literal books... But when I open up a word processor or MyWritingSpot (WHICH IS AN AMAZING SITE) I just draw blanks. I type a few sentences and then just basically stop.

It sucks right now... I want it to go away. I want to be able to write again... :(

Someone... Halp?

That's right! F*ck off! :D

Idk, just felt like saying it.

Don't f*ck off :(

I have had the single most inspiring and important realization of my life. It's still hard to believe that it happened so quick. It's left me tired, but feeling good. I feel amazing.

http://twcnb.blogspot.com/2012/04/w.....s-so-hard.html <-- Go there to learn more!

Yuss I do! Not like anyone will read it... But if you would like to: http://twcnb.blogspot.com/

Snow Patrol - Run

---

I'll sing it one last time for you
Then we really have to go
You've been the only thing that's right
In all I've done

And I can barely look at you
But every single time I do
I know we'll make it anywhere
Away from here

Light up, light up
As if you have a choice
Even if you cannot hear my voice
I'll be right beside you, dear

Louder, louder
And we'll run for our lives
I can hardly speak, I understand
Why you can't raise your voice to say

To think I might not see those eyes
Makes it so hard not to cry
And as we say our long goodbyes
I nearly do

Light up, light up
As if you have a choice
Even if you cannot hear my voice
I'll be right beside you, dear

Louder, louder
And we'll run for our lives
I can hardly speak, I understand
Why you can't raise your voice to say

Slower, slower
We don't have time for that
All I want is to find an easier way
To get out of our little heads

Have heart, my dear
We're bound to be afraid
Even if it's just for a few days
Making up for all this mess

Light up, light up
As if you have a choice
Even if you cannot hear my voice
I'll be right beside you, dear

Honestly, I do. I feel as if I'm drowning in my own... Silence. I can't seem to write. I want to write, something. Anything. Desperately so. But I feel as if, if I were to write something... I don't know. I feel taken over by some odd fear.

My confidence is waning. -sighs- I promised myself I wouldn't make journals like these anymore. They serve no purpose; no one reads them. No one wants to see spurts of emotional diatribe against yourself. So really... what's the point?

I feel that, recently... I've been having another issue with my self image. Who I am, what I'm doing. My self-confidence has been rattled to its core and I feel as if I've lost it all. I feel empty... Like I could cry; but when I try to release some of my emotion, nothing ever happens. I feel confused, and almost lost again. It's hard to describe...

These sorts of feelings come and go with the days. Sometimes, I'm just fine. I feel my confidence returning and I'm able to really smile and click through the day... I still can't write on those days, though. I feel empty, when I stare at my black book that I love so much to write in. It hurts; it really does. But on days like today... I feel like I could just crawl under my bed and hide in the dark, just to make the day pass by faster. Sleep it away; wake up tomorrow, refreshed and hopefully feeling less empty.

Someone needs to lend me a cure potion for this case of -silence- that I have. :|

Maybe it's time to force myself to open my book and just see what comes out. I might be surprised...

This is -the- funniest Reddit story I have ever read.

http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/c.....u_have/c3bpbry

I swear, sometimes all I think I'm good for is writing and drawing durtee things. Oh well. :D at least I'm (seminotsomuchsometimes) good at that!

I still need to finish a story that I've been for whatever reason dragging my butt on for  eclairpuff. It was supposed to be a halloween story... Then turned into a Christmas story because of my lack of ability to put words to a page. Now it might turn into a New-Years story. >:| NOT THAT ANY OF YOU READ MY DIRTY SMUT THAT I LOVE TO WRITE. Never mind that at all.

Some of you may. But I do not know who would take the time to read it, to be honest. lol

Might anyone happen to know of a site for furry smut writers? FA doesn't seem to be the place to post stories, really... Especially with the poor quality of the posting of rich-text and text documents and how it destroys the formatting. And when you try to post rich-text, it forces people to download the file. And I mean... Come on. Who wants to DOWNLOAD and then READ something nowadays. WE ALL WANT OUR PORN TO HAVE RICH DETAILS AND COLORS AND LINES. WHAT IS IT WITH WORDS?!

...Idk, small and inconsequential rant there :D but a little rant none the less.

Who reads these journals anyway...?

Anyway, Merry (belated) Christmas to you all! Happy New-Year! And yay, now I am 24 year-sold. Girl.  eclairpuff doesn't get it. lol... >:|

bleh

ALSO:

<a href="http://www.klisoura.com/furrypoll.p.....ot;><img src="http://www.klisoura.com/images/surv.....sgfc1.png"; border="0" alt="survey banner" title="Furry Survey. Be Counted."></a>

... Stupid not working. ;-;

(Ganked from  eclairpuff

Journal link to the specifics here:

http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/2867460/


Please advertise these adorable kittens if you can't adopt them! Or ask around for people who might be interested! They really need a loving family to take care of them

You all must go visit  eclairpuff 's page! She is an -amazing- artist with wonderful talent. Regardless of the fact that she is my mate, her art has been the single most inspiring thing of my artistic career.
I have written and drawn more to this woman's artwork and ideas, meshing my own with hers than I can even begin to describe.

She is also now open for commissions! Go give her your business! You will not be disappointed, I can promise you that!

Oh, and also. The Deus Ex: Human Revolution soundtrack is amazing. Especially the main song to the game, entitled Icarus.

Diablo 3 Beta is hella fun too.

German homework is the poop.

So is Diplomacy and Negotiation readings. There are too many! D:

But yes, getting back to my original point... the puff of Eclair is amazing. I love her so <3

HOORAY!

While listening to East Hastings by Godspeed! You Black Emperor! I have decided to move nearly all the old art that I've drawn over to FA from dA. Get a little more exposure over here than some crudely drawn horse kawk. Just my thought there...

I... Really should be doing my German homework right now. But my morning has been so exploded that I don't really think I can concentrate on reading it or getting it done. So, es tut mir leid. Mein Gehirn ist kaputt. >:|

SOBE life water is good. I wish people would stop randomly coming into my little hole-in-the-wall corner that I have made for myself. In the basement of one of the buildings on Wright State. >_> Dangit!

IMO, FA needs to have a bit more options when it comes to formatting of text documents. Only accepting and viewing .txt files? D: really? Crap and a half, I swear. Oh well, at least I got my story posted. I might post a second version that I edit to be a viewable .txt without having to physically download the file. Because, to be honest, who wants to do that?

No one has the time, nor the energy. Oh well. >:| grr

Not much else to say. Just got out of German class. Was late, due to my ass dragging this morning while I was getting ready. Told myself not to turn on the TV... Did it anyway. So we all know how that goes :D

So this is it. Congratulations! You found it!

They just... Are transformed.

My grandfather died tonight. I was closer to him, it felt, than any of my other grandparents. I now only have one Grandmother left, who will soon be coming to live with us after my parents go down to Arkansas for the funeral.

I cried, and I'm sad... But... It's a different sort of sad. I came to a realization recently about death, and about humanity.

We humans have a natural problem with death; we fear it. We fear dieing, and we fear losing those who are close with us. But there's one thing that not many of us really understand. Those of us who die, never really die. Nothing ever dies, it's just transformed. It's separated from the reality of life, this illusion we create in our minds. They're always with us, as they were when they were alive. We cry and we are sad because we are no longer able to hold them, talk to them, enjoy their company and form new and wonderful lasting memories with them. We hurt, because they are no longer there with us in the flesh.

We're too worried about the flesh and blood to be able to see that they have been with us, and are still with us right then and their. Their energy is with us, their memory is with us. Their smile, their tears. Regardless of how hard it is now that they're gone, they've moved on. They're the lucky ones who get out first, I suppose. We'll all be following them some day. None of us will make it out alive, you know.

My Grandfather was very ill. Having been diagnosed with late-stage lung cancer, it metastasized throughout the rest of his body very quickly. It ended tonight with a heart attack. He wanted them to try what's called a stint. After two stints were put in, they found that he had a tear in his heart that they couldn't get to. After he got out of surgery, it wasn't long before he fell asleep. He went peacefully, after two years of struggling with something that was eating him away from the inside. He was, and still is, a good man. The only thing I can thank is that he passed quietly, and not miserably, in his sleep.

We never really go away. Nothing ever really dies. His energy has just moved on into another form. His spirit is where it needs to be.

I miss him, I do. I wished I could have seen him before he died. But regretting it will only worsen how I feel, and if I let myself regret, I'll end up hating myself. So I've let that go.

Coming to terms with it all doesn't make it any easier. I didn't know what to feel for the past week or two. I didn't know whether or not to feel sad, or to cry. It all hit me tonight after I came home from work and was told he had a heart attack. Soon after that, the surgery, and his passing. It all happened in the span of around an hour or so. Almost too fast for someone to even think about what was going on. But... Such is life; the swaying patterns of our existance, painted upon the canvas that we build.

I love you, Grandpa. And I miss you.

I'm slowly training myself to draw fur. I've always wanted to but... My hand would never follow. So I'm forcing my hand to learn.

It's happening... Slowly. I have faith. o3o ~chu

Figured I'd stop in and finally add to this darn journal, seeing as I've been lax on taking care of this account. No art to speak for as of right now that I can see worthy of putting here. Sadly, I don't believe my art begins to stand up to my own standards. Though I've been told otherwise, my mettle as an artist of humanoid/animal characters is... Slim to none, according to me.

So, I might post something. Who knows :> but for now, this is me. I'll fill the empty space with more as time goes by.