So grad school started about 5 weeks ago again and the good news is I am doing one of two semesters of student teaching now, then I graduate. The bad news is that they put me in a location that is an insane commute, especially since I take metro. That's ok though because the school I'm at is really great. I am learning a ton!

But, I am also super busy and tired, and stressed *head desk*

That is all ok though. That's part of the package. Or it would be if it wasn't for the other part of my life. The part that isn't school. Somehow that part ends up totally consumed by my Ex's drama. Just today I took him out, paid for two meals, 70 dollars EXTRA groceries, and even bought him a 20 dollar action figure he wanted. How was I thanked? He threw massive fits at me throughout the day, accusing me of all of these horrible things that are completely out of left field and it ends in a fit of bawlling and calling me childish names and a real classic child's temper tantrum. Except that...um....he's 36.

I stay quiet about this online, but this happens every week. In fact he is abusive every day but the really bad shit happens about once or twice a week. I have decided that when I leave, I will have to do so very suddenly and without warning because I don't know what he's capable of if he really feels like he is going to lose control over me or lose the support I've been giving him. Good thing is that I'm just an occupant on the lease but I hate it because that isn't the kind of person I am, but I am actually concerned for my life, not now at this very moment, but at the moment when I finally do decide to get the fuck outa here.

This sounds like a bad movie, but it isn't. I really am living this nightmare.

I wanted to write about it for two reasons. 1: I want people to know. This is why I'm aloof and haven't done as much in recent times and can't seem to pull it together to do a project.
2: I want to talk about something with you guys based on my own explorations of how I ended up here. What I realized is that nothing this man does comes as a real surprise to me. I always knew what he was about. The thing is, I didn't listen to my warning bells.

If you are ever in a situation where you start getting a bad feeling about being with or around someone, even if you can't put your finger on why, listen to yourself, take a step back from that person, and watch and wait. If they treat you with respect, kindness, and dignity, then maybe it's worth continuing, but if you find that they are harmful, hurtful, or try to guilt, attack, shame, or damage you, then they are people you want to put into your rear-view mirror fast and never look back.

I have been such a stupid....stupid idiot. I have been so foolish and now I am here. I am not looking for sympathy, please don't think I am throwing a pity party. I just needed to talk and to vent and to explain why things are the way they are with me right now.

Please wish me luck. With school and with the other parts of my life because I need a little right now.

Cheers....Er....kinda

So guys, I took a bit of an unscheduled break from stuff. I know I said I'd have work out but some life stuff has happened and sort of blind-sided me. Something about me that I rather hate is that my pain or grief or anxiety often attacks my self-esteem or creativity. Try as I might, I just can't seem to make heads or tails of story and art when I'm in negative emotional places or states of mind. I am NOT clinically depressed or bi-polar or any of that nature, but rather, I am dealing with some things that I just don't want to share online.

I will be getting back into things soon, hopefully very soon, and have not dropped or forgotten about the comic project, my art, or FA. To those of you that have cared and stuck with me, thanks. There will be content soon, I promise.

So, I want to apologize for not having the promised comic page out. Some things came up this weekend that....I'm actually going to be a little cryptic about as they are deeply personal.

What I can say is that some very bad things have happened in my family. I found out about them from my mom and we've been talking and they are terrible and I've been spending the time that I should be drawing crying and seething at the people that I once thought would never have done something like what they did. My entire paradigm of my grandparents has been turned on it's ear. The strange thing is, the truth about who they were and what they did to my family has a strangely cathartic effect even though it is horribly painful. It explains attitudes and reactions and tensions that were there while I was growing up.

I had a wonderful mom, a great dad who died too soon, but my childhood was fucked up in ways I am only now starting to fully understand. I want to say more, but this stuff is deeply personal and isn't for anyone else that I am not seriously close to to hear. It's truly fucked up and it is the kind of fucked up that makes me feel dirty and sick to my stomach. The reason I am writing this much is just to let you guys know that I basically metaphorically got hit by a bus this weekend so please forgive me for not meeting my deadline. Stuff will be up soon.

Thanks for the understanding.

So couple of updates. First off, I'm redoing the first page (I know, I should be shot for that) but what I have is like 10k times better and that's why I did it. Better story and direction and better introduction. My original first page will satay up but it's getting un-linked and put into scraps. I know it's a set back but it is going to be worth it, I promise. =^.^=

Second update is that I'll be posting it Saturday instead of Friday this week as it took just a tad longer than expected. I'll be finishing it all up tomorrow and have it up by Sat if all goes as planned.

Lastly, sorry, no page 2 this week as the page 1 redo took precedence, but page two and more will be out next week XD

Cheers and thanks for your support, guys XD

Ok, got the ball rolling. Page 1 of Signal Ghost: Revanants is up by today as promised XD https://www.furaffinity.net/view/28286587/

If you haven't yet and you are interested, go check it out! More pages to come next Friday, guys. I can't promise to have them every Friday because school+life=death but I will try to have something most Fridays.

Cheers! Enjoy =^.^=

Sorry guys, if you were among the few people that saw my recent pic, I took it down as there were a couple mistakes that I didn't notice until after I submitted it and they really bugged me.
I will be reposting it tomorrow evening. It's the cover to Signal Ghost and I really tried to push my skills on it so I guess this journal is kind of here as a shameless plug. If you are interested, look for it tomorrow evening =^.^=

Also? I think I am going to start aiming to post content on fridays when I have content to post. Sometimes there may be the occaisional other post, but look for most of my updates to occure then XD

Cheers!

I'm just putting this here to announce that I've begun work on a new Signal Ghost project. If you have watched me for a while you might know what this is. If you aren't certain what I'm talking about though, allow me to enlighten. =^.^=

Signal Ghost is a comic project and it is the story and setting where most of my art and characters take place. It's a cyberpunk/supernatural setting and story and centers around mystery, noir style, and conspiracy story elements.

On a personal and accountability note, anyone that remembers other incarnations of Signal ghost will likely remember that those projects did not get completed. That is because I was still very much maturing as a writer and story crafter. I have always been a little too hard on myself as I can see the holes in my story before they ever actually show up. I have been using this summer to sort of craft my story and concepts though and I feel that this time I have something solid and something I can stand by and stick with.

I will be doing this comic in a series of mini-chapter/stand alone pieces that will allow me a lot of freedom in direction and will give me accomplish-able goals rather than trying to conquer a giant story all at once. I will try to be as regular with content as I am able but I cannot guarantee a specific posting scheduled as I am very much going to be working on this around the other things going on in my life, but for now I want to try to aim for a page a week at least, and this week I hope to give you guys a cover and a teaser inside cover as well as a first page, so yeah, shameless plug!

If you guys like my work, or are curious to know who Dusk is as a character, or are someone that enjoys cyberpunk fiction and detective/conspiracy plots, or even if you are just someone that enjoys furry comics and or manga and wants another one to read, be sure to look for my posts this week. =^.^=

So one of my hobbies that I never have really shared online is that I've always collected and even customized action figures. When I was a child these little toys really fueled my creativity and sort of forged me into the creator I am today. Today I collect as a hobby just for nostalgia sake, but I was dusting and cleaning around some of them today and it got me to thinking, I wonder if there are any good figure lines that feature anthro characters. Mind you, I don't mean thundercats and the like, but actual anthros or were type characters.

If you guys know of any I would actually be interested to hear about it XD

Cheers!

Today has been hell. I had said a lot more here but I just realized that as mean as the person I live with is to me, I don't want to be the kind of person that ruins people's reputations. Even if they deserve it. I'm more mature than that. So I'm mainly just leaving this here because I want to thank the very kind commenters that showed concern and respect to me. I really appreciate your thoughts and ideas. Things are calmed down now and so I think I just need to put the last fires out here and move on. Cheers.

I mean good, fucking god, man! *Facedesk......Facedesk 3 more times* That's better. I can type coherently now.

So, what happened to me. This month? This month has been hell. Living, fucking, hell. First off, my research cratered. I have a class that required research on a student and culminated in a 20+ page full research study using at least 20 fully reviewed, peer reviewed, scholarly sources and right in the middle of my research phase my research participant ghosts and goes back to her home country. (Not her fault. Her visa ran out) but DAMNIT.

So I have a wonderful instructor who worked with me to re-code and re-address my data and we found that I can use it for a different research question as it isn't enough to satisfy my original research question. That's awesome but it also meant I had to totally redo my entire 20 source lit review. That was 2 weeks ago. I did it though! I did it.

And then, my computer KA-DIED!!! *Facedesk* No seriously, I was typing a paragraph and thinking "Oh yeah, I did it, I caught myself back up, this is accomplish-able, I'm gonna be ok..." Aaaaand NOPE! *Facedesks another 6 times because why the fuck not at this point amirite?*

Soooooo, It was my GPU but with my kind of comp, they can't fix it here and it has to be shipped to the manufacturer to fix, which will take 2 weeks. Literally will be returned to me the DAY AFTER my final due date. Soooo yes... *Facedesks a few more times, I'm loosing count, and consciousness by now for that matter*

So a silver lining? They got my data back to me safe and sound and I have a laptop so *Sigh* ALWAYS BACK UP YOUR DATA, DANIEL! *Smacks self* yeah, lesson learned.

So today is said final due date. I JUST finished and turned it in, I have to present my findings to the class in an hour and then I am done and I should get my comp back by tomorrow or Thursday if all goes well.

Oh, Added bonus facedesk!! *proceedes to fcedesk again* My gpu in my laptop SUCKS!!! So I cannot ART!!! *Facedesks a few more times. Pretty sure I have developed severe neurological issues at this point.* Thus, no art for all this time.

And THAT!!! Ladies and Gentlemen, is where the ever loving FUCK I have been. *Mike drop* Now excuse me while I proceed to bleed out here from multiple self inflicted blunt force head wounds. =^.^=

Hey guys. I know I've not been around as much and I apologize. Grad school and life in general has made it so that I just don't have the time I once did. That said, I'm still doing art and characters and my usual stuff =^.^=

My question is, is anyone out there still interested in my work? Last few piece I've posted I got next to nothing on and it makes me a bit concerned that I've lost people. If you are still around and still look at my work or something, say hi! XD Maybe check out a few recent works, maybe tell me what you think?

It really means a lot to me to hear from you guys and it gives me the will to keep doing and posting art even with my crazy life and work load right now. No pressure, just if you are someone that's still interested, drop me a line sometimes XD

Cheers!

There was stuff here. Stuff I don't want to leave up. Stuff I needed to vent, but now it's vented and I don't want to let it define me. So the content of this journal has been heavily edited and nthis will just remain as a place holder because there is a kind word or two that meant alot when I needed them :) Thanks guys.

Hey guys, just wanted to give you guys an update and clue you in to what I'm going to be doing concerning my comic project, Signal Ghost.

I've finally got a reboot started and the first page (sort of) has been completed and is up =^.^= .
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/25994376/

So this isn't going to be like a standard comic. I have been doing a lot of self-discovery lately and just generally trying to figure out who I am as a writer, comicker, and in general. I figured out that, as much as I know about good story telling, and many good ideas as I have, linear story telling just does not work for me. I figured out that I think in fragments and then put them together after the fact. I have scenes and scenarios run through my head but if you ask me to start from the beginning and go through methodically to the end, I tend to get stuck somewhere and can't do it. This might be a big part of what cratered my work last few times I tried this.

So here's what I'm going to do. Instead of forcing myself into a linear box, I am going to do a series of separate but connected scenes or chapterlets. Some of these may be a page, some of them will be multiple pages. I'm going to try doing this without putting the pressure on myself of trying to force myself into a posting schedule or locking myself into a long, linear story that forces me to have to do something specific each page. Instead, this story will be built creatively through a collection of scenes and sequences to tell a greater story. I think that this will give me a better over all result and prevent me from getting stuck or overwhelmed so that I can keep this going and actually build a world and a story that works.

So I invite you guys to come along with me on this journey. I will post updates when I can and when I do, you guys will actually have some content to digest and anjoy instead of hanging on every page wondering when or if I'm going to be able to get to the next one. Cheers and thanks for your patronage and support =^.^=

I was going to write something witty here but I suck tonight so you guys are going to have to do it instead XD

But yeah, 34 and still alive and obnoxious =^.^=

Hey guys, Merry Christmas!

Today I want to be an advocate for celebrating Christmas as a non-christian. According to most biblical scholars, Jesus would have been born in April if he did, in fact exist. That is not an invitation for a debate over that question as everyone can believe what they will and I, myself even find myself on the fence with that question. But the important question to me is, Why December?

The answer is actually very obvious if we look at history and do so from a more global mindset. If you are a Christian, that's ok, but you can still look at things from a non-religiously biased stance and see other cultures past and present as they were and acknowledge their influences. The short answer is this; When Christianity swept through those cultures, the major pushers of that religion at those time were not really so much interested in soul saving as they were in appearing righteous and grandiose while maintaining and gaining power. Many cultures, especially those of northern eastern, central, and western Europe, has a winter celebration. It made sense as winter could be very harsh and bleak and often resulted in illness, lower moral, depression, and even death. That seems to indicate to me that a celebration was actually a survival tool and was a necessity for people before the 1400's or possibly even later as it introduced certain bonding elements, reconnecting the community and more importantly, it created hope.

Before you get all defensive, I want it understood here and now that if Christmas is about Jesus to you, that is ok. You represent one view of this holiday and that view is one that has modernized the winter celebration for today. But my message here is to remember that Christmas isn't just for you. Christians took the winter celebrations of other cultures and morphed them into a Christian theme and tried to unify them, though, we can still see major undertones of the cultural, pre-christian roots in the various folklore and traditions practiced in various places around the world. What this says to me is that it is fine to be Christian, but there was a time in which the heads of that religion made some bad choices and irreparably damaged and distorted other cultures. This is my key issue with the religion.

The bottom line is this, Christmas in some form is almost a necessity for humanity. It actually links history of multiple major and minor cultures and unifies us as human beings. The travesty and biggest error is to think that one religion has sole ownership of that. This Christmas, I invite everyone to be inclusive and acknowledge other cultural and historic backgrounds and remember that Christmas really isn't about Christ alone. It's about being human, and it can be applied and practiced in many ways, under many religeous backgrounds, with many different traditions and kinds of symbols. I love this time of year, let's not let religious ideology distort it's true meaning.

Cheers.

LOL *Facedesk* I got food poisoning. Like the worst case of it. On Halloween. For some reason, this semester has decided to try to bring me suffering in a multitude of interesting and exciting flavors LOL

Speaking of exciting flavors, how was your halloween?

So I am not really sure if people follow or care anymore but if you have noticed the period of dead silence from me it is because this semester has been nightmarish. Please excuse my lack of updates and responses. I read them but often times these days I only have moments to give a short glance at this site and any updates and other times that I have to browse I am so tired that I can't really muster up the energy to comment. What energy my school doesn't drain me of, my ex makes continual attempts to finish off and he is far more successful at doing that than I really care to admit.

There is a bit of a silver lining. It's given me time and incentive to really access my head-space and try to build a story and solidify some details as well and brainstorm new ideas. My mother suggested that I rough out chapters in storyboard fashion before attempting finished pages and it was a great idea, so a lot of the time I do have to draw has been spent doing that. I won't show that work because honestly, the times I have shown work in progress it was received rather coldly. Likewise, I have dealt with a lot of negative feedback over the fact that my stuff isn't solid and that I often end up scrapping ideas and changing things. I realize that it's difficult to get into something and then have it change, but I'm not trying to publish at the moment and so what I have shown in my galleries are examples of my process. I can't just sit down and shit out a vapid furry comic like a lot of artists do. I'm a bit more serious about my craft than that. I have had things said to me and I am also aware that the number of people that care to see my work has dwindled because of that quite drastically and so I have made the decision to focus more on finalizing things before they ever get put online. Doing this takes time though so until I can establish something solid, updates will be slower.

To those of you who have supported my work and interacted with faves or feedback, Thank you, as it means a lot. To anyone that has just started watching me, hang in there, I'm working on stuff and it hopefully will be worth it. For now though, real life is playing hard ball with my life and time and I am doing my best. Thank you for your patience and support guys. Cheers.

That's right. How do you showcase a shiny new character with a striking air to them, a well thought out, deeply personal story, and a lot of personal meaning to you? Well there are tons of ways! BDSM, Use of toys, Fetishist porn, or even a simple solo masturbation piece will do! Remember, if it's not NSFW, nobody likes you *Smile, Wink*

For those of you that are under a rock, everything above is dripping with sarkasm.

I suppose I just feel the need to comment on something here that kind of leaves an unfortunately bad taste in my mouth. First let me state, I like a lot of adult work and have no issue with it. In fact, once in a while, I draw it myself! But, the issue I have is that it seems like the only way your characters get noticed is if they are shown in a sex act. Recently I've been trying to be more active and watch more people. Half the people I watched though have now posted all-the-prawns and I really realize that this isn't just part of the furry fandom...it's like 75-85 percent of it!

That's unfortunate because there are so many talented people here and I feel that many of them feel they have to do that to play the FA popularity game. Artists never get commissioned hardly for a piece that showcases someone's character showing off other attributes than a massively unrealistically sexualized image where often times the character looks better than the extremely out of proportion organs taking up the most space on the page!

So what I want to say is, Do porn! Enjoy it! But maybe sometimes show something else! Let me see someones face, or personality without a giant, poorly drawn, dick. I'm gay and I'm actually saying I want to see less dick, so, uh, you know it's bad LOL *Facedesk* Ok, back to my hole where I am forced to study until death by kerstupid-ing *Dies*

So I suck and titles today LOL. I'm back more or less to being active again. I actually was working on a project but it's taken a lot more work than I anticipated, but that's where I've been. That and sort of sorting some issues out in my personal life. Today though, things are good. School starts back up in less then a week. Even so, I'm going to try to do art and maybe some story and comicking as often as I can.

A question to leave you with: How did you come up with your main character/s/persona/"fursona" (ugh, I hate that last word so much. I think I need to go drink a little bleach now *facedesk* Anyway, yes XD How did you come up with your main character? For me, it was a dream when I was like 14, so, years and years ago. XD

I appreciate you guy's support on my last journal. So far, nothing has come of the issue. I'm deleting that journal because frankly, it's drama. I wrote it while in the midst of a panic attack. My real issue here is the anxiety that was created out of an incident that is spooky but likely nothing. My anxiety is crippling at times. The unfortunate thing is that there weren't very many people saying, "Calm down, it's gonna be fine" and instead people were telling me things that amounted to "Omg, call the police or a lawyer and get your report in first or it could be worse for you!" Reactionary thinking is what gets people into trouble and got us into this mess in the first place, so thank you all, I know you all tried to be helpful in your own ways, but I need to just close this chapter and find a way to calm my self down again.

It's funny, just jumping online and reading a couple comments here and another place I posted the last journal on brought all this back because half the comments were mushrooming the problem, which in turn reaks utter havok on my already panic-stricken mind.

I may be taking a few days to just not get online and sort out where all this fear and angst is really coming from. I ask that if you do comment here, please be kind and non-reactionary. I need that right now and there's not much of that in my current life and situation. No pressure, but just if you comment, respect that. Thanks guys.

I hazzz a nu compooter! *Dances*

So it's an Asus ROG, the sucker actually glows O.O and the keboard is redlit and glowing too XD

Windows 10 is still an iffy prospect for me but I had Geeksquad help me work out some of the bugs and install my CS4 package for me so I don't have to buy anything new there (Thank god, because what adobe is currently doing pisses me right the fak off, man.)

So yes, so far, so good, I is teh happy and so shall be arting on a shiney knew machine XDDDDD

I've removed this comment. I'm not deleteing it entirely out of respect got the commenters that were so supportive and kind here but I'm wiping the content to avoid drama.

I love sarcasm. It's like...a religion for me. But I feel like any religion, there is good voodoo and there is bad voodoo. Posting online is kinda walking that balance because people may not get the joke. Where I draw the line between fair game and outright trolling has everything to do with what you do next, after someone doesn't get the joke and makes an uninformed comment. Do you bring them into the joke or do you make fun of them?

Thus, good voodoo, or bad voodoo. Sadly, I had to unwatch someone today for using bad voodoo. The sarcasm gods have frowned upon you, child. may you slip on a banana peel on your next public outing and give others the gift of laughter at your expense XDDDD

Hey guys! Im going to be at the pride parade in DC along with  takenakasan . We'll be in the DuPont Circle area. Anyone local going to be there? If so, drop a line! XD

Hey guys, someone brought something to my attention that has come up before and it need to be aired. (To the commenter, Pleeeaaase don't think I'm attacking you or calling you out. What you said just showed me that I should say this. This isn't at you at all.)

So the commenter indicated that he kind of didn't take as much interest in my work as before because I wasn't working on the comic or doing as much pristine, finalized work.

So first of all, Bam! http://www.furaffinity.net/view/23480148/ http://www.furaffinity.net/view/23494254/ http://www.furaffinity.net/view/23676077/ comic pages. Three of em. They are current. I am going to be adding to them and updating when I can.

That said, I think there is a real lack of understanding of what it's like to do this sort of thing. You guys don't see behind the scenes so it's really easy just to expect perfect, high end work all the time. what you don't know is that my last story had some really major flaws in it. It takes a lot to make a story work and I am just one artist who isn't even getting paid for the work I do. I do it because I love these characters and I love the idea of being a designer and story creator. It takes time and it takes a lot of prep-work and planning, then working out all the kinks. Some times it really is like throwing spaghetti at the wall to see if it sticks, you know? This story sticks. At least the bones of it do, so that's a good sign. But even still, I'm crafting it and fixing the details and editing it and pasting things in as I go and a lot of times that requires me to test stuff out because frankly, I don't want yet another cratered attempt at a story!

If you are one of the people that feels that you are sort of tired and maybe even annoyed with me and the work I do or doin't do, or use to do more often, you aren't alone. You are echoing how a number of people feel concerning what I do. The thing is though, that's not a very fair shake, guys. Recall that I have a life outside this. My art doesn't pay the bills. I do it because I want to. So currently, I'm in grad school. That is seriously time consuming and stressful work. Recall also that I have a rocky situation at home. I live with someone that can be extremely taxing a good portion of the time. So I'm sort of stretched 5 ways. And yet. I'm. Still. Doing this. I haven't given up! So it's just disheartening when people give up on me.

You know, Furries want so badly for someone to come along and make original content and media for them, but when it comes to supporting a creator who is very honestly trying to do just that, they kinda don't. I don't even mean monetarily. I just mean by being there, by looking at the work, saying something once in a while, recognizing the process and that creating IS a process, and being ok with the fact that that artist can't produce finished, ready to digest content all the time. The artists you see doing that do not really have lives beyond their art. They've made it in on the ground floor and are monetarily able to make it work, that or they have some other source of income that doesn't take up loads of their time.

Please don't take this the wrong way. I'm not trying to talk down to anyone, I just think that it's worth saying that this is what I see and this is what I think on the matter. I don't know if saying this will change anyone's mind, but in the end, I'm going to do what I need to do. My work isn't being done to please the massed. There are popu-furs out there for that and if cranked out content that glitters in the sun and cheap, easy digest, simple stories are what you are after, then I'm not your guy. I like to think that I'm offering something a little more honest. More real. And if you do stick around, I will do my damndest to make it worth your time.

*Mic drop*