69 watchers, nice.

Here’s a small story I wanna talk about. It scares me a ton thinking about it. I went to mineplex to play and I joined Halloween havoc to play with random people. These people join and call me dumb for using archer. So I quit the lobby and changed to a new one. There old game started cause I quit the game after it started. I joined a new lobby, AND THERE HE WAS! He somehow FOLLOWED me, without even being in my friends list. There’s no way he could of joined the same lobby somehow, there’s hundreds of lobbies and he just so happens to find me, he gets mad and tells me to use mage and not archer. I’m terrified so I quit and play the EU version of mineplex. I join a new one and there he was again, he was mad and said stop quitting. HOW IN THE WORLD DID HE FOLLOW ME TO A DIFFERENT VERSION OF THE SERVER!? I was terrified and shaking so I turned of my pc. I am so shocked and terrified. There’s no possible way how he could of known where I was. He’s not in my friends list, so he can’t see what lobby I’m in. He somehow followed me and I’m terrified. I just wanted to share this cause I’m terrified and shaking and need comfort. I’ll be okay, it’s just I’m shaken up from this

Hello everyone! My good friend sonar is doing a map, and you should definitely join it! She is very kind and talented she deserves this. Here it is https://youtu.be/WAiHyazpg3g

I wondered, I can’t draw at all so I I wondered if you guys would be okay if I shared my art ideas I had.
I mainly always wanted a buff feral artwork of dusk, or anything to do with dusk muscles. It would mean everything to me :’)
I’m sorry for begging, I just can’t draw and struggle with jealousy sometimes

I wondered, those of you who drew for me, would you be okay if I posted it to my page and credited you?

Hey, I just wanted to leave an update here. I wanted to say I’m sorry for not posting much. I’m also trying to work on all of my story stuff, I literally have millions and millions of stories and stuff with my characters and I’m also in the process of designing a species too. It’s gonna be very similar to dragons because I’m as dumb as a rock. They’re gonna be much different though but be similar. They’re known as bloodstrikers and it’s a really long story, I’m still gonna be working on them. One thing I do want to say is you have no idea how hard it is to make a species while not knowing how to draw. I’m extremely uncreative so don’t be surprised if it’s bad. I might try to upload more of my story stuff to fa sometime, I’m just busy a lot. I could sometime find the stuff I wrote about bloodstrikers and post it here. There a very alien like species that live throughout space in random hidden bases, and there super advanced and everything. I’m still working on them but if this sounds good at all I can share what I have so far, it’s not much but I can. Also I’m terribly sorry for not writing chapter 1 yet. I’ve been so busy and everything. It was fun to write. I don’t know if it was any good but I still liked making it. I’m sorry for a lot of this, I wanna be here more but I’m busy and I need to take lots of breaks and stuff, like from school and crap. I just worry I’m not creative so sorry if some stuff here sounded negative. I’m still working on that. I hope everyone is okay, and please comment if you can it really helps me a lot. It means everything to me.

I NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD EVER COME THIS FAR. THE LAST TIME I REMEMBER I HAD 10 WATHERS, AND NOW 60?! AND 300 FAVES?! HOLY CRAP, 300 GUYS. 300. WHY ARE YOU ALL SO NICE TO ME :’) I AM SCREAM CRYING IN HAPPINESS RIGHT NOW YOU ALL ARE EVERYTHING TO ME. THANK YOU!! And I promise, none of you will go unnoticed. All of your voices will be heard. I’ve seen tons of famous stuff and people trying to get there voice heard, but never being noticed, I won’t let you guys have to feel that. And even with my raffle. If you don’t win it’s okay, we can work something out and maybe sometime we could get you art too. I started out as a hopeless fur with no friends or now wills to live, but here I am now with tons of friends and happier then I ever was. You guys had the biggest impact on me. I will talk to all of you, and don’t be afraid to talk to me either. I’m always willing to make new friends. I will care for you for ever and never forget you. You guys made me so much happier and saved my life. I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for you guys. I’m still shaky in happiness I’m actually at 300 faves I never thought I would actually get there. I never thought I would reach 50. I’m never gonna give up on you guys. I always wanted to do something huge for this community and make everyone’s lives better. I know how it feels to be like a nobody, like no one listens or anything. Or if you feel your “not popular enough” it’s horrible and I understand. Fame should not determine your life. I will do whatever I can to let everyone’s voice be heard and help this community in any way I can. You all deserve the most happiness, and I will do whatever I can to give it to you. Thank you guys all all so much, this meant everything to me. And new people seeing this who may not be watched but are thinking “I might want to, but I won’t be noticed” that is not true. I will notice you, I will talk to you. Don’t be afraid to note me or comment, I will always notice you amazing people. Thank you for everything. I wish there was something I could do to repay you all :’)

(I just wanted to say, a lot of this stuff is out dated. I keep it here so everyone can read it and know the real old me. My full story)
I’m just here to view, so I won’t be making any pictures. I do have a lot of characters but I can’t draw. I never understood the concept of art, even though I followed thousands of tutorials, I could never get it. I’ve always practiced and tried but. Every time I do I get no where. I’ve always wanted to know how to draw. Or at least have pictures of my characters. I have no talent, so I can’t make a fur suit, no money so I can’t afford commissions or a fur suit. I’m just kinda hopeless. I desperately want to be a furry, and have friends. I just wish I could at least have friends or something to live for. Anyways sorry if that got depressing, back to point, I’m just here to view. Sometime, maybe can someone here be my friend? Ive always wanted to have someone to care about and always remember. I’ve never really had friends my whole life and I don’t really know what to do. I’m mostly made fun of for being a furry from people at my school. Everyone hates furries there. So if anyone would like to be my friend please let me know. Anyways My YouTube channel is a depressed dragon incase anyone wonders. I don’t upload anything I just have it there cause ever since I figured out I can’t draw, that meant I’ll never be able to get art of my character, which also means I can’t get a suit, which also means I can’t go to conventions and meet friends. So I made that channel. I’ve been on this site for many years, but never had an account. So I made one to hopefully meet someone, and maybe some day, have a friend.
Edit: I’m still learning how the site works, but I think I get the basic of it. I’ve been dreading to say this but I think I should just get it off my chest. I have, multiple suicide attempts and have been thinking it for a while, and I’ve had no one to talk too. Highschool ends in 2 more years (more like 1 in a half) and I’m nowhere. I’m failing all my classes and have no hope for a future. I have no one to talk too and nothing to do. Please if anyone could help me through this just let me know. Again, sorry for going to deep I’m just desperate for friends. Does anyone have any idea on what I can do? My life is doomed

Another edit: recently I’ve had a comment here, and I just want to say, any interaction with a furry makes me feel hope. It means a ton to me just to comment to me. I’ve never had friends, so sorry if I mess up and word things weirdly, but I really want to be a furry with the rest of you guys. If anyone could just talk to me it make me feel great. Knowing someone’s out there who might know me. If anyone wants to be friends, please let me know. I’ve always wanted to talk to another furry, and have someone to care about. I know I can’t draw but I hope that doesn’t mean I can’t be a furry. I’ve always known about this fandom, and always wanted to be apart of this. People like me, who understand me. But the only thing I’m missing is I can’t draw. I hope that doesn’t restrict me from having friends. Can I still be a furry with you guys?



Newest edit: I JUST REALIZED THAT THESE READ DESCRIPTIONS ARE NOT ALLOWED AND IM SO SORRY, PLEASE FORGIVE ME, I DIDN'T KNOW! I’m still new and had no idea what journals where and I’m trying to figure it out. I’m so sorry! Please don’t ban me, i just wanted to be like everyone else, and I didn’t know. If you can tell me how to make a journal, please do cause I have no idea how to

Edit again: I hopefully fixed stuff, and I won’t post pictures of read description anymore. From now on there in journals. I’m gonna try to pay for commissions from people soon, I’m gonna try on my birthday, June 27. And hopefully I get it to work. If anyone clicks on me, I just wanted to say a few things, I’m extremely shy, and cry a lot. I never learned to draw, and I don’t mean to sound clueless and mean. I just want to be nice to people. I also don’t have a job, so I’m kinda hopeless. I’m gonna be in jr year when school starts back up (if it does) I don’t really have any talent so I don’t know how the heck I’m supposed to get a job either.


Another edit jul 2 2020: it’s been a while. I just wanted to say, sorry if I screw anything up. I sometimes don’t know what I’m doing. I really don’t want to upset people, and I hope I’m doing okay, I’m super shy and I cry aaaallllooooot, and I mean a ton. I cry for hours upon end. I also get really jealous when I see other artist, and I hate that I feel that cause it makes me feel like a hard person. It makes me jealous that I can’t draw and make art of my characters whenever. I don’t want to be like this. I want to be a nice furry like everyone else. I just want to be like you guys. I can’t draw and it really hurts me on the inside. I don’t like feeling jealousy, I don’t like feeling sadness and I absolutely hate feeling anger. I want to make everyone happy and have a good time. I just don’t know where to start. I want to be able to go to cons like the rest of you and see people, but I don’t think I can cause I can’t draw. I’m sorry if I stutter or get really nervous when I comment on your stuff. I’ve never done this before and I’ve been way to shy to attempt it before. It’s a huge improvement that I’m even typing. I’m a scared worthless crying nothing who can’t draw. I hope I can fix myself, and no longer have to feel jealousy and be able to be like everyone. Seeing notes and comments makes me feel really happy too. If you guys know what to do, please tell me how I can fix myself. And for commissioners, or anyone drawing for me in the future, I’m sorry you have to put up with me, with no reference art. Especially molokaykle, I feel so bad for not having any art to show them, and there going through so much. I want to make everyone happy and enjoy them self’s too. I don’t want to offend or hurt anyone. I hope things are going good for all of you who see this. I’m sorry everyone, I just don’t know what’s wrong with me. I wish I could fix myself.

Edit jul 13: Hi, yes I’m writing in this again. I just wanted to write somethings about me i here. I can’t draw at all, which I think all of you knew. I cry a lot, like a lot. I’ll get really emotional, and I love to make games in my head since I don’t know how to do anything, and in those games they all have emotional cutscenes and stuff. I have lots of melodies in my head, but I don’t know how to make music so I can’t do that :(. I don’t really have any talent at all pretty much. I’m pretty broke too, I don’t really have much money either. I’m very sensitive too, I was also diagnosed with that, and things will hurt for me usually more then it does for other people. (physically and emotionally) I’m incredibly shy, and it will take me awhile to build up courage to talk to people, but i love having friends. I will get emotional attached to basically anyone who notices me. I cry when they cry, get nervous if there not doing okay, and want to celebrate when there having a good day. I would do anything for them. I spend hours crying at night sometimes, cause I’m nervous I will never be accepted with my art disability, and I’ll never be able to meet other furs. I’m mostly afraid I’ll be kicked out of a con in the future, or be banned for not making art here. I might say sorry a lot too, I’m always afraid that I will upset someone. I have this massive jealousy feeling that takes over me sometimes too, and I hate it. I do whatever I can to fight it, but it’s more powerful then me. It strikes when I see other art or fursuits, and I hate it so much. I want to feel happy for people, I want to be nice, but my jealousy is taking over me, I wish I could kill it. I hope it dosent make me sound like a bat person, I don’t know why I have it. It gives me all sorts of thoughts like “DONT MAKE OTHERS DRAW FOR YOU, YOUR WORTHLESS! NO ONE WILL EVER WANT A FAILURE, IT RUINS THE FANDOM. THE WORLD IS BETTER WITHOUT YOU. DO THEM A FAVOR AND GET RID OF YOURSELF.” and so on. When I talk to people one here, it fights off the jealousy and panic. When I see comments I get so much happier for a minute. And notes make me super happy. I love people here, everyone is so talented in there own ways. I just want to be like everyone. I have lots of anxiety sometimes, and I really hate myself. I was diagnosed with depression in 2nd grade and that probably explains why I always hated myself. I have no memory of this, but my parents said I used to say in 2nd grade “I hate myself, let me die” or something like that, I can’t remember. I mostly remember the torment from the mental hospital I went to for attempted suicide, but I don’t like to talk about that. If you want to know more, if I have the courage I could respond to a note that you can send me. In 2nd grade and in 7th or 8th I went to a mental hospital. 2nd grade for suicide threats, and middle school for attempted suicide. I really love hugs though, I don’t know if I ever mentioned that. If I ever met someone from here, I’d hug them until I die or until they throw me away XD. I had this thing, it was like a story for real life, it was called the cosmic crime. Long story short, me not being able to draw breaks reality, cause every furry can draw except for me, and when reality realized when I couldn’t draw, the universe would delete itself (it’s a super long personal story I could write in the future) and I thought I could save everyone and make the world better if I killed my self. (These were after my suicide attempts, it was a few months before school closed) in middle school, I tried to kill myself cause I couldn’t stand myself any longer, so I wanted to put an end to myself once in for all. And let everyone be free from my disgusting self. I’m doing quite better here though, I’ve never had this much hope before, and I’ve never had a friend before either. A friend that understands me, and cares for me. Me and roydrinksmilk are very close right now, he’s been so kind to me. Please, definitely watch him or at least favorite all of his stuff. I also wrote this in my description too, just incase something happens or not everyone can see my journals. I’ll write more about this in the future, were kinda busy right now. One more thing, I love to write stories of my characters (In my head) I can’t really read that well, but I loooovee making stories about my characters. I have millions of stories I made. The one of dusk backstory, and creating his planet and achieving his dreams, the one where he saved a lot of dragons when he invented his “dragon ships” the one with my protogen character, the “virtual commanded galactic crisis” a story about what would happen if the command block lost control and deleted the multiverse. I can never get enough of making stories. It’s my absolute favorite. Thank you for reading this if you did, it means the world to me. Have a good day!


If your wondering about my scraps, I’m gonna try to upload random views of my characters. 3 for each character probably, so it can help artist

https://www.furaffinity.net/view/38602728/
I hope the link works XD

Hey guys, I wanted to tell you all something. I’m super glad your all joining my raffle, it means so much to me. I just wanted to point something out. I don’t see you guys as just people and fans who want art, I see you as real people and good friends. I will be emotionally attached to you and always care for you, don’t be afraid to note me. I’ll always be there for you. And if you don’t win the raffle, it’s okay. I can work something out with you. I know how painful it can be to not win sometimes. I will always be here for you guys, and if your sad you lost it’s okay. We can work something out.

https://www.furaffinity.net/view/38459457/

Just one, I want to win just one.

https://www.furaffinity.net/view/38455939/
Please I’m desperate

https://www.furaffinity.net/view/38473961/

Please I hope I win

https://www.furaffinity.net/view/38479651/

*sigh* I know I won’t win, I hope I will someday and finally win my first raffle. Everyone wins hundreds, I just want a win. I can’t draw so I badly wanted it. Sorry that you had to read this

I’ve just always been curious, how does everyone get like 1000 comments and everything. My guess it’s by uploading a ton. And by commenting more, I just see my friends stats with over 600 comments and 900 faves and stuff. I just love comments, it makes me feel noticed and alive. So I was wondering if you know anyway I could potentially get more, I’m trying to comment more on stuff, it’s just hard and I’m super shy and scared I will hurt them

Sorry I haven’t been uploading much, I know a lot of people drew for me and I haven’t uploaded them, mostly cause I was scared to upload them, I’m going to soon if your okay with it

I know nobody’s probably gonna see this, but I’m just gonna say it regardless. Am I actually a good person? Do I do anything good? Do I actually help others, do I actually have a purpose? I’ve just been sad today and realized I think I hurt more then help. I just wanted to know everyone’s true thoughts one me, I’ve been so scared to ask though. I just needed support and wanted to know, you can tell me as much as you want. I want to know what you think of me. I’m mostly a terrible person who begs for support and can’t draw. I have no actual talent and I can’t make games, good stories, can’t make music, can’t draw or can’t afford anything. I try my hardest to be nice to everyone and give them all the happiness they deserve. I believe every furry should be happy. And stop being tortured by all the hate. I’m very passionate about all of this, and I am willing to die to protect it. I’m dead serious. I would lay down my life to help others. I just feel like I’m not nice at all. I’m a mean person. I Just want to help everyone and everything. I want to be like everyone else too, I care about all of you and I will always do anything I can to help. I just need help and I feel so terrible and selfish for asking for support. I feel like I should punish myself for this. Please comment if you can. I’m so sorry for being like this, I’ve just been going through so much. And I ruin everyone’s days cause I’m never happy. I’ve hurt so many people I think. I’m so sorry everyone

I need to get this off so everyone knows, I can’t work ANYTHING on fur affinity or any site in general. I am so dumb I can’t get shit to work. I see everyone with groups, and I am slowly learning that and getting better, but there’s so much more I don’t know how to do. I can’t get any thing to work, I was even offered free art of a character of a dog, and I couldn’t claim it cause I couldn’t get the link to work. I FUCKED UP MY ONLY CHANCE. Mods, if you see this, go ahead and kick me if you want. I don’t deserve to be here. I just slow everything down and I’m a terrible person. I always want support and I’m mean to everyone. I’m a true jerk. I’m sorry for wasting everybody’s time and space by being here. I’m a huge waste of space in fur affinity. I don’t know if I deserve to even be a furry. I’m sorry for doing all of this guys, I wish I had 1/10000th of a brain

Everyone! I have amazing news! I’m gonna be starting my OWN raffle soon! And I know what you might be thinking. “But dusk, you said you can’t draw, is this another one of your dirty lies you son of a” NOPE! your right! Still can’t draw. So instead I’m enslaving friends to do it for me! Aren’t I selfish? No but for real, I asked sonar and berry if they could help and they said yes. So that’s what I’ll be doing. But the way I decide winners is gonna be the most fun. You guys know the marble race game agloodoo? For everyone that enters, I will give them a marble. I will put a sign or write down who’s marble is who’s, and color code it or something. I’ll race them, and whatever marble wins, and who’s marble that was, they get the art! I thought it would be much more fun then number generators. I hope I get a lot of people joining, it would be cool!

My discord is gonna take longer then I thought
I AM A WORTHLESS IDIOT WHO DOSNT KNOW HOW TO WORK A THING IN IT. I DONT KNOW WHAT THE BOTS ARE OR ANYTHING. IM THE DUMBEST PERSON ALIVE. I’m sorry. I just can’t do anything and everyone else is perfect. My server is a train wreck now, and I’m trying to fix it. I’ve had several mental break downs, and punishing myself and more. Please join it when it’s done. I put my own blood sweat and tears in it. I’m just so stupid.