Hey guys. Gonna try to get some stuff posted today.

Hope things are as well as they can be. Miss ya lots.

I am here. Just... surviving.

Couldn't even find a starting point for all this. Like, long story short: Dad lost his mind, turned into (his true form of) a complete cock nugget and went around to burn as many bridges as possible. Sister may be resigning herself to hospice care... THAT is a huge kettle of fish in and of itself, since we're also in the middle of a fight. In addition, I'm going through a bit of a crisis of faith myself. I think I'm on the rising end of it, but that's the funny part about life: the moment you think you have it figured out is the moment it LOVES to pull the rug out from under you.

For now, where things lie are kinda okay.

I'm not sure, but I'm trying to get back onto Bluesky. Not because of anything aside from trying to be more social. I miss you guys and would REALLY like to get back what small amount of socialization I did with my friends, return to my friend groups and social gatherings, things like that. You can hit me up on most socialization platforms, or just ping me here. We can find some platform to continue talking on. Discord and Telegram and Steam seem to be the biggest platforms.

I'm around. I swear. Just... not doing much visually since I'm just so worn out...

I can't even begin to process what is happening right now...

Between Dragoneer, another death with a family friend, and apparently my dad constantly violating the protection order against him has kinda just burned me out. There is also other things I'm just... unsure about. Hate being vague, but I am just too burned out at this time.

The only positive is that this has put a pause to the sister fight-eviction BS, but I am too hollow to see that as a minor victory in a small battle in a war that can't even reach "Pyrrhic" right now.

You all are in my thoughts right now

Come 8/21, I will no longer be living at my sister's place.

It has been nearly 2.5 years, 1.5 were technically alone, but I don't think I have lived with a more suffocating shitbag than my own sister. A home that had 6 cats by default, then added a full litter and then a dog without my notice or input, combined with a bill of 1000 (a cheep 400$ rent with a 600$ mental fucking health bill) has probably been my most.... volatile living experience ever.

But, it is winding down. Now I must search for a new place or a new life.

Oh yeah, August 21st is my birthday... Happy birthday to me. Happy birthday to me.

Sister and I finally had an argument that resulted in her kicking me out. August 21st, I am supposed to be out by. Like she'd fuckin' remember. Hey, at least it is a birthday gift to myself, never having to deal with the toxic shit that is my sister.

A full journal might come out soon, but I am just fucking fuming at this point.

Frick. The damn thing has a faulty wire in it somewhere. Or one of the cables is.

So...

Things have entered a rather uneasy, 'calm before the storm' stalemate between everyone that has most of my folks on edge. Thankfully, it is the time of not having to do much myself but be on standby.... which UNthankfully is extremely stressful. But, no sense in worrying about what MIGHT happen, just dealing with what does.

The plus side is that this has given me plenty of time to clean house and get things set. I am (hopefully) going to get ready for reacquiring an apartment soon, but for now, it is just living on my own at my sisteers place still.

What has changed is I decided to unload my storage unit and ended up finding ooodles of goodies. The biggest being a hard drive with a shit ton of old art (both commissioned and drawn, all thought lost due to drive failures), but this also includes sketch books... and sadly, old tablets for all that digital art I never drew. I even found an old light scanner for traditional art. And lots of drawing books...

Well, I figure if we're changing things in one category, let's clean house. I'm going through the unit to see what I can get rid of, what can be given to charity, what it too priceless to lose, etc. One other thing I will be doing is going through stuff and seeing what to share.

But share is another thing I run into... Been wanting to upload stuff, and have, but at this time, I am unsure of where. Do I go with here, or do I try another site? Do I spread over many, using posty birb? Maybe a social media site (that isn't formerly twitter)? I don't know. I want to share the stuff I have drawn, as I have with friends and contacts, but it is a kinda "got too much backlog" and "too many options." Indecision is a bitch, ain't it?

IF ANYONE would have suggestions on art uploading, whether it is what they do or have seen others do, I would love to take pointers.

For now, I will probably poke a bit more often here as I try to find a place to settle with my fat pink ass. If you want to contact me, all the info below is up-to-date (the dud ones have been removed, but I may go back there, depending on what it is.) As long as you poke me in some way on notes first, I'll usually reach out.

And I do appreciate everyone. Whether you just glanced or you did reach out to give well-wishes during this whole ordeal. It ain't over yet, but, support, no matter how small, is invaluable.

Kinda thinking of what to change around here if I really want to settle in. But, I'm feeling... refreshed? Revitalized? Maybe still exhausted but with a second wind buff? idk.

Love you guys. Talk to ya'll soon. Feel free to reach out if you want. I don't weird too hard on meetup... much.

Whoo...

So, dad has been arrested. Kinda his fault, but mostly his attorney. For now, things are progressing on that front. My father has officially decided to cut ties with the entire family, his exclusive children included. Nobody wants to deal with him. He has a card and his car, that is it.

He's also... completely lost his mind...

Edit: I should also point out. Dementia is not the reason. His stint at the doctors show that he actually only has minor signs of dementia. What we're experiencing is just him being an asshole...

Also Edit: On other news, I just cleared out my storage unit and put my stuff in the garage... it's kinda heartbreakin'

Felt it would be unfair to leave that journal up for too long without some kind of update for those worried. The situation is still tense, and I will try to keep the updates... I guess as I know/process them.

At this time, my dad failed his first 72-hour hold and was transferred to another facility. I am TOLD that this restarts the hold, but I am not sure and cannot find easy documentation for it. We're still trying to find a way to serve him with the papers so my mom can properly file for divorce.

A lot of this feels unreal, just gonna say. Writing it is kinda processing it, but it still feels like... I don't know, am I making this up? am I writing a fanfiction or something? No, for the record, I'm not. And that is kinda putting a deep dark pit in my stomach.

And... even... with all this happening... I still feel sorry for the man. I do not know where he is right now or what he is doing, but I can't imagine he's taking it well. And while I hate everything he's done, I don't want him to suffer through his dementia, if that is what this is.

But... whatever the case, a threat has been made against my family. We have handled the threat, despite the scars it has left, and are working on healing and next steps are.

And as much as I want to hate him. I won't.

Dealing with a rather serious issue where my father has decided he's going to return to that same abusive energy growing up and has decided to bully and threaten my mom. Like, in a 'I will kill you and this is not a threat' way. Unfortunately, due to 'he said she said' rules, the most he is under right now is a psyche evaluation, but good sociopaths know how to manipulate the system. She's protected in her own house with her things, but I have also protected the family here in the event anything is tried.

This really isn't unexpected. My dad was always abusive, it is just my brother and I grew up and learned how to hit back.

Edit: and for transparency. I'm part sociopath. So I know what bullshit he can pull. And after seeing what he's been pulling, let's just say he needs to learn we can still hit back, but with the legal system now...

Dad is out of the ICU and out of the hospital. At the moment, he's expected to be at a facility for physical/speech therapy.

In addition, my sister and mother have taken the dog while he recovers. This absolutely helps, taking a huge load off my plate.

Hey ya'll. Did it again because life did it again...

So, in November/December, I posted in a couple places I would write about my holidays and how BAD they ended up being, but it seems that 2024 wanted to continue that trend with some really depressing and heavy topics. As such, I've been busy...

But I won't say that my life is bad right now. Frustrating issues with dark topics float around me, don't get me wrong; but in all actuality, not only am I reconnecting with old friends, I've expanded my circle. And it feels good to be social again, even if my life right now is a little rough. There is some happy in my life right now that I am enjoying <3.

But, to get to the point, here is a rather ranty if unfocused dump of what is going on:

Last year, in March, my sister started experiencing weird issues with her motor skills and cognitive abilities. What occurred was a series of tests, and medical accommodations she needs to survive those tests, that determined she may have had a stroke. If only it were limited to the one... While she was recovering and planning to return before the end of the year, she had another. She has since been living with my parents. My mom has mostly been taking care of her...

And my father, as he has reached his mid-80's and started having the health problems that come with it. We learned he was diagnosed with a cancer several years ago, and while it has been mostly treated (I think, I'm unsure, he never told us), its presence carries a possibility of dementia. And that, combined with my father's behavior issues that have only worsened in his age, led to the last few months--especially the holidays--especially the holidays--having downer effects for myself and the family.

Thanksgiving was at least nice, but Christmas Eve and Day were nothing but sad attempts to make the holidays fun. Dad sat at home, refusing to come to my sister's place for a dinner my brother and I prepared because he got into a fight with my sister. Most of the interactions between Christmas and now have been an attempt to reach out and just see how he is mentally... or him just absolutely shutting himself off from the world (hey, I know where I get it).

So my mom has been having to deal with my mentally degrading father and sister. And while my sister may get unfairly screamed at by him at times, it's not like she doesn't poke the bear. And of course, her attitude has deteriorated too. Not just because of the stroke, as anyone who has been in a Discord call with me knows she can be is a complete cunt. I am told this is making my parent's home a war zone and causing stress on my mom. She's getting more extreme because of my dad's extremism and hostility.

And when my sister comes by to visit her place, she brings that frustration with her. Don't get me wrong, I am not ungrateful that she opened her house to me at a time I needed assistance. But while it may have started with good intentions, it has devolved in such a way that I am expected to keep the house EXACTLY how she wants it (read: she needs control) in her absence, despite:
1. Having rules that are inefficient, bizarre, obscene, or just dumb, only adhering to them because 'it is the rules'.
2. The two of us having completely different philosophies on how to handle problems in the home or taking care of animals
3. Issues outside, but including, regular upkeep of the location that becomes MY out-of-pocket expense
4. Being more wishy-washy than a flip-flop in the washing machine
5. Just being a god-damn asshole

Not going to mince words, because anyone who has been in a Discord call where she's barged in for one petty reason or another would know if I pulled a punch and agrees not to: she has extremely authoritarian rules that are so damn contradictory or otherwise unbelievable that, I can't not ignore them or take them seriously. One of these rules? "No furry stuff". And yeah, may be a bias to bring that one front and center here, but what she classifies as furry is 'anything with an animal' on it. This, obviously, casts a wide net on things not innately furry, but I should also point out all the shirts (which I focus specifically) are PG things you can see others wearing. Whether it is a shirt of 3 wolf moon, or an FWA shirt, or a drawing of a chibi fox that someone can sell from a stall, it would be furry, but something with say, a Pokémon on it, or a Dungeons and Dragons figure or a fucking Christmas sweater... also "furry"...

Now, aside from being overbearing and not having a right to do this (to anyone, much less a kid, but especially her sibling), if it was just getting nagged at, I could ignore it or at least confront and discuss. It has, however, led to her taking property and hiding it and potentially getting rid of it. To date: I am missing several FWA shirts (a close friend has given me some of their spares they didn't want, thank you Pyre), a couple of drawing books, keychain dangle doodads, and I am not sure what else. I have been able to recover some of this stuff, and usually, I find it within something she owns or in some place only she should go, like in her car or hidden under her bed. And of course, when I asked, she claims she hasn't seen the stuff, then I confront her on where I find my things, and I am accused of distrust. Yes, but it does not answer my question of why it gets there. She denies taking it, but once is an accident, twice is a coincidence, after a certain point, it feels intentional.

Fast-forward to the weekend starting March: we got in a HUGE fight. What petty thing this time? Lights. Specifically, I have been paying rent, but she doesn't feel I do enough. I am keeping her 4 cats, my 2 cats, and her 1 dog (which, I should point out, came in without my notice or consent 6 months before she fell ill, so I have been taking care of this dog twice/thrice as long as she has) alive and healthy, but she doesn't feel I do enough. I live and clean in her house while only really needing two rooms to myself, staying the HELL out of her way when she visits or stays a few, but it is not enough. So, I have now been told to pay the power bill as well. Alright, it is still a house to myself for a pittance and having to deal with a weekly headache in the terms of a bitch sister... but, if I am going to pay the power bill, I don't really want to pay more than I need. And by that, I usually turn lights off when they are unnecessary. Specifically, when I think they're unnecessary. Silly me, right? How dare I turn the lights off to a hallway when no one is in it and I leave? No, you read that right, she threw a temper tantrum at me and said I was disrespecting her by constantly turning the lights off. Yeah, by simply following Captain Planet, I pissed off Queen Bitch. Stuff like this may have been happening more and more often as time has gone on, but it has never gotten this bad.

The solution is clear, I need to move out again and get my own place. I'd prefer here, simply because I love Georgia, but I do not feel safe much anymore, what with all the extremism that seems to be going on, infecting from top down. Not to mention other family dramas like my brother's divorce. Poor him. (yes, even after everything, he got taken advantage of in this situation. It is a long story, and it sadly evolves every day).

AfterTheFactUpdate: Not even including the argument my sister brought with me and my brother today. LSS: We've been trying to build a shelf in her garage, but as life happens, projects shift. Well, not good enough for her. She wanted us to do that this weekend, despite not having the materials. Given how she regularly pokes us about this when the ball is out of our court, not even mentioning the rude-ass way she words her demands, my brother confronted her. She ended accused us of bullying her, ganging up on her because we refuse to move the project forward and calling us assholes. Of course, remember the narcisist prayer...

With all this happening, I had to get some priorities straight. The first one was obvious, I needed to resume seeing a therapist. I found a nice guy by the name of Tyler who is great. We've had great, if painful discussions. A lot of progress in a few sessions. Not sure if I should be happy about that, but I am proud.

I did also stop any HRT for the time being. Just... with my sister being as toxic as she is, I rather not be kicked out on the street till I find a place to stay without having to bother. Besides, I'm not entirely sure about it, and I'd rather not make any decisions that are heavy under duress. Fix one thing at a time to give it the full attention.

I have been attempting some creative pursuits more than just gaming lately in an attempt to branch out and do stuff. Yeah, I've been playing games like Balder's Gate 3, but I have also been doing Lethal Company and Helldivers II and Phasmophobia with friends, I've also been goofing around with video editing. Mostly clips of the formers, but I've also been trying animation out in the terms of video editing. I do have Clip Studio Paint and a new tablet too, so I am animating there as well. And finally, I've been fiddling, reading up with Godot and Blender. No real plans, but I have ideas and need a step. Thank you, humble bundle.

On other notes, I've also been writing, as in, writing campaigns for tabletops. Starting with smaller ideas really, but I've been getting that passion reignited, partly because of the Balder's, but also because I've been back with my tabletop group again. And we're playing more than just table tops together. But a long time ago, when I ran an impromptu campaign (with really nothing behind it), everyone had fun, any cheating or fudging aside. Since I have been examining what books I have (in storage and free/purchased and then forgotten), I found a few game master guides, and my friends are giving me some module suggestions. So, looking forward to once I start this.

But, as of this week, we've gotten the bad news my father had a nasty fall over the weekend and is hospitalized. Several broken ribs. We're still awaiting testss but... shit man. I'd be lying if I said this hasn't taken its toll...

Thanks for letting me vomit on a journal. If you chose to read half of this, then yeah, I'm sorry it has been a rough year of me already being a flake again. I'm still here just.... around.

Hey everyone.

So the holidays are coming up. I know since the 'Vid things have felt like a blur to some people, especially the last few years, but even THIS felt quick.

But, on the plus side, this year HAS been very productive. Hell, the last few years. I've recently received a new promotion, something to help work towards an apartment all my own, but the biggest thing I'm working towards is a new career. Rather, finally using that damn degree of Electrical Engineering. I have been practicing my exam with the tools allowed, but I forgot how I wasn't amazing at everything involving this. (Just most things, but what I sucked at SUUUUUCKS)

There are other things like art I'm trying to keep into, animating, too. My biggest issue is, while I say I've been doing it, I really don't have much of a place to share. Some things are more experimental, some things are a bit edgy in content, but I do want to keep trying and do things to expand boundaries, even if it is something that I do feel I'll keep up with. (An example, painting. That's been fun.) Hopefully it translates.

There is going to be a lot of changes in the coming year. Whether it would be personal, professional, interpersonal and interprofessional, maybe even intrapersonal or intraperfesional. I don't know if those are real words, but I will say that I am expecting to have a lot different for 2024. I'm looking forward to ALL of it.

And I appreciate it you all being here on that journey.

I'm going to try some more reach outs. I apologize if it takes a bit, but I want to let ya'll know, I'm thinking of you. Hope you are all doing well and that the holidays treat you as such. Love you all.

~The Big Pink Monster.

Having a bit of a rough couple of days. A number of issues between family, social, financial, health, and combinations of the four have been hitting none stop since last week began. Yesterday's was the worst. I got sick while having a bath, ended up having to crawl out of the tub only to pass out. I got a doctor appointment for other reasons tomorrow, but christ it cannot come soon enough.

I am very tired.

Bowser day today, Vore day soon. This month is also my birthday. Why do I feel like that destined...

It occurs on the 21st, and I'll be an interesting three-four.

Going through things and just doing stuff. Hope you are doing well too.

I think its time for an update. I'm gonna start uploading things, fics (mostly pony, but there is some fetish in there) and more art (expanding just outside traditional sketch). The former is going to be really rough because... crossovers and fanfiction is not something I've dabbled in, but REALLY wanted to. As for art, I really just want to be better at it, because... well, I just do.

I hope that these things are things some of ya'll like.

Love you guys. I really do.

Also, please, feel free to let me know if you wanna talk further on any place. Some of my reach outs like Twitter/X might not work or be the best, but Steam is the best way. (Just... send me a note on FA if you do with the name. I get scammers on the daily)

A rather serious journal, though I will admit, it probably won't help an iota. In addition, for the sake of anonymity, as well as not wanting to violate any TOS, I will not be naming names. But, I still wanted to ask this...

Did I do something wrong?

I've been lurking on FA for a while now. I have gotten to know plenty of artists (those who draw or write mostly) and like to think I've established a friendship with many over the years I've been here. Even outside artists, I have made some great friends.

It is my surprise when I find a lot from the former group and even a few from the latter who have blocked me. I only know I have been blocked when I have attempted to comment on a journal or favorite a submission only to get the message "You cannot interact with this user as they are blocking you."

At first, it was only a few people, I didn't think anything of it but was still concerned, as one of them was (at one point) local. But over the past... week, I've gotten that message far more than I've wanted. A total of eight in this week alone, and as far as I can tell, none of those who block me have anything in common or looks like there is a link between them. Remember, these are people I watch/follow/know, and to be silently blocked... (Again, I will not name names. Not even privately. I also won't use their friends to reach out. I hate when people do that with me, and I won't be a hypocrite in that area.) Still, I want to know...

Did I say something offensive or insensitive that people think I am some sort of asshole? Or has something gone around that paints me in such a negative light that I'd be blocked without so much as an explanation?

Please, ya'll, IF I do anything that you dislike or otherwise assholish, tell me. Don't sit there and take it, tell me I'm wrong. If it comes from people I trust, I will reassess and attempt to correct it or show why I may have that thing. I mean that, call me out if I'm wrong, tell it to my face. If I prove to you that I am an asshole, then I am not worth your time (you do deserve better if that is the case), but if I don't know I've done wrong, I can't be better.

Sorry if this seems whiny, but... I am legit confused.

I'm not really decided on a gender. But I am preferring to kinda become somewhere in the middle to be more fluid. But... big step.

I'm not used to the emotions I am currently feeling.

EDIT: For those who were curious, you can still use the he/him/his pronouns with me. In addition, you can use she/her/hers too, and they/them/theirs as well. Heck, I'll still take it/its too. Why? Like I said, I'm somewhere in the middle. And, while juvenile, I like the idea of someone switching pronouns with me mid-sentence. Something like "He's not here, is she?" (Seriously, you do that, I'll smile so big the cheeks will go through the roof.)

Yes, I want the Pyro's gender. Being how I feel on gender, it is fluid and non-binary enough that I love it.

EDIT 2: And if this journal is any indication, I have great friends and people around me that support me with this journey. Thank you all. Thank you.

That new policy update, huh?

I barely use this site for updating as is, but god-damn, every time I come back, I want to less and less.

(I don't have an alternate, though. Anyone know a good site to upload furry/brony art/stories that isn't turning draconian?)

There really isn't much I've been doing besides trying (and failing) to write pony fics or draw furry stuff. I'm just absolutely stuck. I think I spend most of the days gaming and just thinking of what to do.

I hope everyone else is well.

If you do want to contact me (and I am totally up for it some more), my contacts on the "contact information" are still accurate. I'm mostly on Discord and Steam the most, with Telegram always being open. Everything else is sporadic.

And I will be at FWA this year again. Up for cuddles because god damn I need them (and willing to help if you need it too). It's what friends are for.

Tell me how you're doing. I hope ya'll lives and things have been good. I miss ya furverts.

It was a fun one for me. Got to make lasagna, meatballs, and other parts of an Italian spread we haven't been able to do due to my dad's age. It was fun.

Now I have today off, and the week will be easy, so it will be good time to relax. Will do some writing and hopefully some drawing... or maybe just playing more Fightin' Herds. :P

Just wanted to let you all know that I am still around. I hope you are all doing well. Been active on Steam, Telegram, and Discord again so feel free to hit me up if you wanna chat. I also do twitter sometimes and a few other things.

I'm trying to get back into art as much as possible, but have been REALLY stuck. Somewhat on ideas, but mostly just where to begin. I've been so out of practice since moving in with my sister and felt confined it is kinda... difficult. Any tips or ideas on what I could do to move past it? Aside from "just do it", because I know "just do it" is the biggest and probably only obstacle, I just was wondering if anyone has any suggestions to get the creative pumps going.

I do have another question: I have been writing a lot of fan fictions over the last few months. I actually have one that I started writing 10 years ago but stopped on. I recently picked it back up and am trying to actually publish it, though in my progress to do so, I had ended up creating a few more bits/chapters of other works. Some of the chapters are complete, some are stuck on parts. Would you all care if I uploaded some things here to get reads to see where strengths and weaknesses are? I've really written crossover, most of which are MLP related, though I am trying to branch out, but I kinda want to see if this is something that would be a good idea.

I appreciate your time. And I guess, just so you are aware. I am pretty sure I am thinking of you guys. If we've spoken, you can bet on it. I hope you all are well and hope things are good on your end. Sorry if we don't always chat though. Love you guys.

Woo! I am 1/3 of a century old!

Fuckin' OLD!

So, I want to point out, again, that I don't mean to insult the person who tagged me in that thread on Twitter yesterday. Just a lot of stress and I felt my identity ousted, so I just panicked and locked my Twitter account.

Today, I woke feeling much better and not so stressed about what happened yesterday. I made sure to call my mom first thing, and she's doing alright, if still a bit shaken (and pissed she has to get a new car). After some time and at work, I got a message from one of the people tagged in that thread. While I dreaded it at first, my guess is that he realized that my account going protected meant that I felt scared or something. His words were comforting, that he knows many furries and does not have any problem with him. Ended up talking a bit with him and he is a very chill and nice dude. He did want to see about getting more information about my grandpa for his cartoon history thingy, mostly because he and several of his buddies in the animation world really look up to him and were inspired by his work.

People still love ya, gramps.

I'm going to see about what I can find for that, of course when my family dramas die down. But it made me feel so much better and realize that yesterday was an absolute knee-jerk reaction. I would say, can you blame me with all the drama that hit at once (plus a bunch of others I didn't mention because some of it is petty), but yeah, hindsight 20/20.

I'm back to being public and goofy, if still a little shaken. Thank you all for your kind comments about anything and everything. I really do see you all as my friends, and I appreciate everyone of you, even if all we share is a hi every so often.

Thanks everyone.

At least yesterday's stress wasn't entirely in vain, I wrote a fic. More of an excerpt, an ending to a fic I probably won't write (I already have 3 in the works and I apparently add a new idea to a pile). I may post it here for funsies.

Fuck fucking fuck. Just...

Holy fuck the end of this month is turning into a fucking shitfest oh my fucking god. What can I even say about the last few days that is just literally making me fucking break down? I don't think the last three days haven't had tears in some way.

Sunday:
Brother's birthday party (his birthday was Tuesday/Today, but everyone was working). We went boating. My dad and I were the only registered drivers for the boat: Mom, Sister, and Brother's Wife were not comfortable doing so, while my brother wanted to drink. I didn't want to drive either because boat, but well, I still was backup. And honestly, I no longer trust my dad driving. We went boating in late June and my dad would constantly drift towards docks. Here, literally five minutes in, he ran into a buoy (one of the floating ones that warned of nearby hazards, not a pole or metal one). Didn't hit the blade, so we wrote it off. But he wouldn't relinquish control of the boat. I tried to... not think about it. For the most part, and I agree that it was an issue on all our parts, we were backseat boating, but he did have issues with trying to anchor on a public beach, but we did also constantly tell him about oncoming boats/jet skis that were not an immediate threat.

At one point, after leaving an area we anchored at, we have a raft that my brother and I get on for some fun. Towed by the boat. It is only after the boat starts going that it dawns on me, and I make this aware to my brother.

Me: You know, I just realized. You and I are the only ones probably able and cognizant to drive the boat. And we're on this...
Bro: Oh... oh shit.

Well, first run before we got flung off (which is supposed to happen and is fun), no issue. The second time, as we are holding on, everyone is looking at us and mom is even taking pictures. We're trying to pose but we see a pole buoy approaching. They do not. We started waving and screaming "buoy", but it isn't until my sister turns around and points that we turn. We just narrowly miss the fucking thing, both boat and us on the raft. And (looking back) I understand why my dad crossed left at it, but we freaked out because it would have been easier to go right.

At this point, dad and I get into an argument about this, but he refuses to relinquish control.

As we get ready to head back to the dock, I decide to finish off a sandwich. As we're talking and he drives the boat, we hit some choppy water (wake of a larger ship). Well, as I sit up front, I'm getting more and more soaked. As I think of moving back, we hit a big wave. ONE THAT MAKES THE FRONT HALF OF THE BOAT SUBMERGED. We react how you expect: First thinking its going to go away, freaking out when the ship starts to tilt, etc. We scramble to the back to try to weigh that shit down. All while my dad was still driving the boat. He was trying to drive the boat towards an island nearby. Other boats see us and try to tell my dad what to do: Put the motor in reverse (something we were saying and thought he was already doing). After less than 15 seconds of that, we get the boat righted. Everyone agreed, let's go home. That would be a horrifying experience on its own. But it happened another time. We were able to recover quicker, and maybe it wasn't my dad's fault, but everyone was just absolutely done. Especially because this whole second sink attempt was in a no wake zone with natural waves. The worst part is that when we docked the boat, my dad tried to undersell what happened (called it swamped, not sinking), but the dude literally said "Oh, that happens a lot. It's not an issue." DUDE! WE HAVE FUCKING PONTOON BOATED FOR YEARS! NEVER ONCE HAS THAT HAPPENED! CHECK THE FUCKING BOAT!

Now my dad is upset with me (the whole family, but me especially) for backseat boating and telling him what to do. I told him that he's fucking over 80 and he's not as sharp as he used to be. He's making mistakes. He's going deaf. He reacts slower. You absolutely should NOT be driving boats anymore. (Heck, I honestly think he shouldn't be driving). I'd feel bad for him about this, and I really do, but he does NOTHING to help. No hearing aid, no pills, nothing. "Doesn't need them."

The sinking boat thing has also started some nightmares. Shit like drowning and waking up choking on my own spit. Fucking... breaking because of that.

Tuesday:
For the most part, work is okay, but I'm stressed as I have moved to a new position, and learned things, but now am doing something completely different in the new position. I am picking it up quickly, but man, I am feeling a little off from my co-workers. Under the old stuff, nothing but compliments. But now, they're a little more... abrasive. Like, "don't do that, not your job." whereas before it was "Well, if you do a little extra, things you learned, it will really help."

But this evening, shit went pearshaped quickly.

Got a call from my mom. She was in an accident. She's alright, first and foremost. She was in the hospital, but mostly for cuts and bruises and a health check. Her car, on the other hand, is completely gone. Nothing but scrap. The person she hit was thankfully unhurt. It was unfortunately a good samaritan who was helping someone else, but apparently parked his car in the road and not on a shoulder. Not sure of the complete story, but mom promises to tell me everything in person. She's freaking out though. Not just because this is her first major accident ever, but apparently, she's now doubting her age. She's seeing my dad go, and now she's wondering if this was a fault because of that. That.... was not something I wanted to hear.

AND, as a double whammy. I made a huge ass mistake on Twitter. Talking to a friend about "what made you become a furry." Was my granddad working on Fritz the Cat. A second person was curious because they're apparently really into it. I thought I recognized the person, so I felt comfortable talking with them about it. When they asked about my granddad's involvement, I figured, since I know this person, I'd share who he was. He freaked out and gushed. Cute yes, but then he tags professional animators and says "THIS DUDE'S GRANDDAD IS FAMOUS ANIMATOR! HE CAN CONTRIBUTE TO ANIMATION HISTORY SITE! ASK HIM QUESTIONS!"

A furry account, tagged by professional animators, grandkid of a professional and respected animator. Furry account, with fetish material in likes. Where I be gay and do crimes.

Holy fuck I was not ready.

I've locked my account for now and I am just panicking that I didn't realize I didn't know this person. I've told him that I'm very uncomfortable with that, but he's really into animation and wants to work on the history site, and is hoping I can donate my granddad's animations (stuff I don't have) or knowledge of him for their site.

Dude, I am just saying, I have never cared about my online identity. I like being dwarf_ninjas, I like experimenting, and love being a kink machine. Heck, I like humiliating my friends in a playful manner. Now I feel humiliated, not so much for myself, but for grandpa. Like... why the FUCK DID I DO THAT!

Christ, I'm shaking as fuck right now.

Figure I'd say this if the person I am talking about comes across this. I'm not mad at you for sharing that information. You're an animation student and passionate about what you love, more power to you. I just feel so fucking exposed by this and with my mom's car accident, I was totally NOT able to process.

Fucking... what God did I piss in the cornflakes of to get this punishment...