Well, I've moved again. I had to leave the last apartment where I was living, because my roommate, although he seemed nice while talking through Skype, turned out to be a very different person after I lived with him for a while. I think the best thing to do when someone threatens me is to get the F out. Every other roommate I've ever had has been able to sit down with me and rationally discuss any differences we may have had, rather than try to scare me, put our argument on Skype so he could have an audience, then block the front door so I couldn't leave, record our conversations, and try to bad mouth me to my own boyfriend. I just have no context for how to deal with that.

So anyway, I'm in a better place now- I was homeless for a while, but I have connected with an awesome community of people who are all working to get into a better situation.
I'm taking charge of my life rather than asking for help.

I regret that I won't be drawing for a while, but I'll get back to it as soon as I can.

I have a long-time friend who I've known for more than 20 years who knows me very very well, someone I can trust, who wants me to work with him doing computer networking. It's a great opportunity, and I'll have plenty of time to make new art, and maybe even write that sequel to Greenmount I've been thinking about...

I am considering reinventing my art style. While I'm job searching and settling into my new home, I have ample time to research tutorial videos on furry art from more experienced and skilled artists. I'm not suggesting I abandon what I've done so far, but there has always been something missing from my art that I see in other art. It would make for a productive hobby, and it may possibly enable me to provide better quality in my commissions.

Another exciting possibility is learning to paint backgrounds and landscapes. There are techniques like rotoscoping and creative brush development which are just the beginning of what I could learn if I apply myself.

Another idea I'm considering is a sequel to the Greenmount Chronicles. Visions of the characters ten years later are beginning to take shape in the back of my mind, seemingly on their own. For example, Mike the rottweiler as a personal trainer.

Regardless of all of this, if I hadn't moved to Georgia, to this new location, I would be out of money and in the same desperate situation I was in 90 days ago. My continued thanks to everyone who helped me, and I hope you are all having a good new year. It's got to be better than the last one. :)

First thing's first: I want to thank everyone who has answered my plea. I was deeply touched by the compassion and effort with which the furry community has put forth to help me. There is more willingness to love and care for one another among furries than even I realized, and I've been (although often on the outskirts) part of the fandom for 20 years.

Here's what's happening now: I have a moral obligation now to use the resources and assistance you've provided for me in the most responsible way I can. A friend saw my last journal entry and offered me a place to stay, with far less financial burden. So, rather than continue the cycle of constantly balancing on the edge of eviction, then pleading for help, I have decided to accept his offer. Without your help, I would not have been able to do this -- I would have been broke and broken, with nowhere to go and no means to get there. You all have literally saved my life.

This was a hard decision, because I had to move several hours drive away from my mate, but I believe it's the most responsible thing I can do right now. Even my mate said so-- if I had stayed and burned through the money just to be with him, it would have been irresponsible and wrong to those who helped me. And then, I would have ended up in the very same position next month. It would not be fair to ask for help again when I have this opportunity to have some stability. It will last for much longer this way, keeping me fed and healthy, and more able to fix my life. Did I do the wrong thing?

The only thing now that worries me is that I don't know entirely how long this will last, because my roommate is in the military. It's entirely possible that he could be stationed elsewhere. So there's that.

Every day, all I can do is strive to make my life better in every way that I can. Maybe I should try to go back to college and finish my degree. I could possibly go on student financial aid, and then perhaps I could get a better, higher paying job and support myself.

My landlord woke me up, coming into my room at 2am, because he was playing poker online, and the internet is awful here, and he assumed I was to blame. Now I'm so tired I can barely find my face.

He also wanted to tell me that he has another roommate lined up to take my place after he evicts me. I thought I had two more weeks, since I paid for them. I've never, ever missed a rent payment in the ten months I've lived here, though I didn't realize it was going toward his gambling.

I've found two local homeless shelters that charge a dollar a day, provide showers, a cot, and one meal a day. I'm trying to get my ex-roommate to rent a storage facility to keep the things I just can't let myself lose-- my drawings, some of my clothes, but everything else gets thrown out in two weeks, or as soon as my landlord can get rid of me. I've always obeyed the rules, I've never missed a payment in the ten months I've lived here, but here we are.

I don't draw as quick as you god-like artists like JWolfsky, Amwulf, Modem_Redpill, ArcticLion, and, well, you know who you are. :) You all amaze me. Your linework, the coloring, the speed of your completion, I am in awe of you.

On a more personal note, to my friends, you know who you are; I will miss you for the rest of my short and painful life.

I wish I had more time to come up with the money, but he is all set to throw me out, and he doesn't care where I go. He's a very popular furry, director of cons, announcer, but I won't name him, because that would be catty and petty. I have endured his cockroach and ant infested house and the constant threat of eviction for ten months. Even the upstairs toilet is broken. I can't get a cellphone signal within 100 meters of this house, so I had to buy Skype credit so I can seek a job, but... apparently it came too late.

My whole life's work is about to be thrown away. All the drawings, all the music, it's all going in the trash. It's like dying twice. I've gone through this before when the fire happened and destroyed all of my drawings, but this... I'm going to die of starvation-- I've read that it takes about 40-some days. It could be worse, I guess.

Does anyone need a roommate? Anywhere? Because unless I can come up with $600, like SOON, then I'm done.

Anyway, I love you all. My parents are gone and the rest of my family is overseas. You all are my family. Thank you for being here. You are wonderful and I am glad to have known those of you I was lucky enough to meet.

PLEASE keep my stories and artwork alive. I've been doing this for 20 years. You all are my life.

Goodbye.

The job is gone for real. I have nineteen days to make rent or I'm going to be evicted. My landlord told me so.

I'm researching jobs like crazy, but in the mean time, I will draw anything anyone wants for commission. I'm studying digital painting techniques so I can improve for you all.

I keep having this problem, but I'm going to get another job that will support me. This is just a stop-gap measure to make sure I don't get asked to leave my home.

Ok, now I'm really fucking confused. I called my manager about my last paycheck, and now they're saying I still have a job, and to come in on Monday. I'm still in serious danger of not being able to make rent this month, but apparently I'm not officially unemployed yet.

I have a problem with chronic anxiety. When something goes wrong, it always feels like the end of the world. I have to learn to calm down and not be so fatalistic. I really don't mean to cry wolf, but my situation is very precarious. I never know from one month to the next if I'm going to be able to pay rent, or afford food, or whether I can afford maintenance on my car, I'm already driving without insurance.

I thank you for your support and your caring words during this difficult time. Ever since I was evicted six months ago, I always feel like I'm on the edge of oblivion.

I lost my job. My best friend shut me out. I am about to be homeless. This is my worst fear.

I lost my job. I am going to be living under a bridge from now on. I am so scared. I've never been more scared in m life. I understand the logic-- of course I need a new job. But the last time it took three months for this job to call me. I have 18 days. I guess if I draw like crazy I can maybe make enough to at least make rent.

I worked late tonight, because I need the money. It's only an extra hour a night at minimum wage, but it adds up, including working weekends. But on the way home tonight, I was involved in a major car accident. I was found at fault. Probably due to inability to concentrate from malnutrition, but I screwed up. My car is terribly mangled, plus I have a huge ticket to pay in 30 days, or my license gets suspended. Nothing like this has happened to me in almost 20 years.

I was told by the police that my car is not street legal anymore, but I have work in the morning, and if I call out I won't be able to feed myself next month.

Life can be so hard. Small decisions lead to huge, long-term consequences.

All I want is for things to not be any worse than they already are, but I can't seem to stop it from happening.

Survived one week of telemarketing, but the effort of calling people all day and trying to sell them vacation packages leaves me psychologically exhausted when I get home. It's to the extent that I can't even draw anymore. I miss it. I hope to be back soon, so I can draw what I love, and maybe even take commissions again.

Terrified of going back to work on Monday. I HATE telemarketing. It makes depression deepen, it elevates anxiety. I wish I were one of these amazing artists I see who can pay their rent with commissions. I admire you all so much. I wish I had the mad skills I see displayed everyday. You are all amazing and I am in awe of you.

As much as I treasure all of your works, it brings feeling of sadness, of... I guess jealousy. I was worth something fifteen years ago, but not anymore, not compared to all of you. I've already found all the images I imagined drawing, done by other artists. Thank you all for doing this, even if it hurts me.

I'm sorry I've been away recently. I've been desperately looking for a job so I can pay rent, and the only thing I can find is ... telemarketing. *sigh* I have been spending my days and nights memorizing scripts, rebuttals, discovery questions and closing techniques. This is NOT what I want to do with my life.

I asked for commissions, and I got them, and yet when I try, when I start to draw what they want, but I can't do it. People have been telling me I was a good furry artist my whole time here, but I'm not. It makes me angry, but I feel sad, too. I will try as hard as I can, I promise you that.

I am in a money crisis, so I am taking commissions. I can livestream for public viewing, or join.me if the art you want is more private. I can take PayPal, and we'll negotiate prices based on how many characters, and the depth of the art (line art, flat shading, digital painting, etc).

I draw for about 8-12 hours every day, so I'm learning fast. Check out my gallery.

Just let me know if you're interested.

I'm going through a very, very hard time in my life right now. So if I am uploading a bunch of sketches to my scraps directory, it's because I want them to be safe and shared, in case I don't have internet access anymore.

...however, it looks like it will happen.
Some very generous and compassionate folks have helped me acquire a new digital pen. There's a rebate going on so even with shipping the whole deal is about $9.

I want to thank everyone who cared and offered to help me.

It won't ship until Monday and I won't have it until the end of next week, but I look forward to drawing again, more than I can express in mere words.

Thank you all and please know how important you are to me.

I have two months of rent saved up, and no prospect for a job-- although I have applied to every McDonalds, Wendy's, Burger King and retail outlet within 15 miles -- if this is going to by my last two months before I am homeless, then I am going to put forth the most personal, intimate artwork, stories, recordings and music that I've ever made.

I've lacked in friends. I've neglected my family. I'm 35 and I don't have anyone I can go out to lunch with. I've spent the entire last 24 years hoping that I could create the 'perfect' artwork that would make people want to know me. I realize that's not how friendships happen. Not real friendships.

So I am going to finish my most personal artwork and put it out there, along with the music I've composed, the stories I've written, all the stuff I've kept to myself for 24 years.

I wish I'd lived a better life. I with I'd loved people more.

All I can ask for, and what I do ask for, is that you look at it, listen to it, read it.... this has been my whole life.

I am not asking for pity--- I know what awaits me; I've looked up death by starvation and it is horrible, but please at least look at what I did with my life.

Thank you for your time.

I was just by someone that my 750days.deviantart.com looks like something drawn by a schizophrenic. They asked if I were drunk when I drew them.

And no, for the five years when I developed that art, ffrom 2008-2013, I was stone sober.

So that really.

It makes me wonder, is my art here just a representation of my own psychological pathologies?

When I installed my Windows 7, I chose the 64 bit version. This does not work with my Monoprice tablet. So for months I dealt with not having a way to draw online.

But tonight I have done a clean install of Windows 7 - 32bit. That means that only 4 gigabites of my RAM cam be used. I have 16 gigs of RAM. But I would rather draw and be free than use those twelve gigs of RAM.

If anyone has an alternative, feel free to offer it, but I for now, I make a sacrifice in the name of freedom. I even made a little song out of it, but I don't want to wake my roommates by singing it too loud.

Love you all.
Even you, you big a-hole.

I dreamed I was still living with... well... the guys who kicked me out of their house. I had no idea how much better I feel here until I woke up and realized that I don't live there anymore. Nowhere is perfect, but the amount of emotional stress and discomfort and awkwardness at that place was so bad that it prevented me from doing the things I love-- drawing, making music, rollerblading, even singing (badly) in the car.

I'm still in Florida, still going to college, just in a house where I actually feel welcome to leave my room and join the dinner table and play games and watch TV with my roommates.

Sometimes things do get better, but it takes a nightmare to realize it.

Pleae help me.

I am about to become homeless. If anyone can help, please let me know.

I have something like 700+ sketches from the past ten years. My most recent post is one of them that started out as a scribble and became more. I have a LOT of work ahead of me.

I have been getting into MineCraft during April and May. Are there Minecraft furry servers? I would love to find a server where I can build titanic kitty castles. If anybody has any info on it, I would love to hear. Thanks in advance.