Well, as it seems, I will be attending Megaplex in Orlando FL this year, and looking forward to hanging out with friends, both new and known. The trip to get there and back will be as, if not more, exciting. Below is the entire itenirary of my trip, both dearting, and returning.

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Thursday (August 28, 2025) Commute - Destination Outbound

GATRA:
Route 6 - Inbound
Bay Street / Washington Street to Taunton Terminal
6:13 AM - 6:21 AM

Route 18 - Outbound
Taunton Terminal to Attleboro Transit Center
7:10 AM - 7:39 AM
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MBCR:
Attleboro - Inbound to South Station:
7:51 AM - 8:40 AM
---
AMTRAK
Train 93 - Northeast Regional (BOS - NYP)
Departing South Station to Moynihan Train Hall at Penn Station
9:20 AM - 1:47 PM
---
LAYOVER - 43 MINUTES
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Train 97 - Silver Meteor (NYP - ORL)
Departing Moynihan Train Hall at Penn Station to Orlando
2:30 PM - 1:04 PM Next Day
---
SunRail[/color
Northbound Train P318NB
Departing Winter Park/Amtrak to LYNX Central
1:06 PM - 1:18 PM
---
LYNX
Lynx Central Station to Orange County Convention Center Concourse
08 - 1:30 PM - 2:42 PM
38 - 1:45 PM - ???
42 - ??? - ???

====
Tuesday (September 2, 2025) Commute - Returning Inbound

[color=yellow]NOTICE!!!
Catch early/mid morning LYNX bus from Orange County Convention Center Concoarse back to Lynx Central Station.

SunRail
Southbound Train P321SB
Departing LYNX Central to Winter Park/Amtrak
1:18 PM - 1:24 PM

AMTRAK
Train 98 - Silver Meteor (ORL - NYP)
Departing Orlando to Moynihan Train Hall at Penn Station
1:36 PM - 11:18 AM Next Day
---
LAYOVER - 3 HOURS, 11 MINUTES
---
Train 174 - Northeast Regional (NYP - PVD)
Departing Moynihan Train Hall at Penn Station to Providence
2:29 PM - 6:01 PM
---
MBCR:
Providence - Inbound to Attleboro
6:12 PM - 6:31 PM

GATRA:
Route 18 - Inbound
Attleboro Transit Center to Taunton Terminal
6:40 PM - 7:08 PM

Greetings all. Now is probably a good time to update everyone on what has been going on as of recent.

Both my grandmother and I have finally moved. It was back in early March when she first received a letter in the mail from the bank, stating that if she didn't pay her mortgage in full, they would be forced to foreclose on the house. This of course upset my grandmother greatly since she's on fixed income, and I'm unemployed, and on partial disability due to my rheumatoid arthritis. There was no way either of us would be able to pay what the bank was demanding. So, faced with the only option that was presented, it was decided that she would sell the house.

And for the next few months, the grueling task of cleaning and packing began. A 30-yard roll-off dumpster was dropped off, and some hands were hired to aid in cleaning out the basement. It broke my grandmother's heart to see a lot of her cherished memories chucked into the trashed, even though a lot of the possessions she held onto for the longest time had long since become rusty, and moldy. I too, felt her sadness, as I watched some of my own things get tossed as well. Items I had planned to clean up, and restore, but never could find the time of day nor the ambition to do so.

After a week, the dumpster was emptied, and returned. Then, it was time to clean out the main portion of the house. Once more, possessions and memories were tossed, and disposed of. When it was all said and done, all that was left was an empty shell. When I had a few moments to myself, I stood in the living room, glancing over the empty space, that for almost 30 years, provided shelter, and comfort. I closed my eyes, and opened them. And for a brief moment, could see clear as day the ghostly images of my younger self from '98 watching the first season of Pokémon on WB 56 with my grandmother's late fiancé, while her and my late father sat in the kitchen, talking over a cup of coffee. I then blinked my eyes again, and the images vanished as quick as they had appeared. At that moment, I broke down in tears. Then, I stepped out of the house, and closed its door for the last time.

Now, myself, grandmother, and cat are settling into our new home, a single-wide mobile home, with the living room extended, and an added sun room built onto the side. It's a very nice home, that sits in a small trailer park in Taunton MA. It's far more quiet, and I've started getting to know some of the locals in the area, all of which are kind and generous. I also have access to GATRA, a public transit service that covers a wide area, so I'll be able to get around much easier than I did living at my old address. There's still some unpacking and settling that needs to be done, but overall, it's a change of pace that I personally welcome. I just have to help my grandmother adapt to the new surroundings.

That's about it for now.

Take care all.

I know it's been a while since I posted anything here. One minute, you get yourself on a preset routine. And then the next, life throws a wrench into the works, and everything falls apart.

A short while ago, my grandmother received a notice that the mortgage payments on her house had increased drastically, to a rate that neither her pension, nor my part time job could pay on a monthly bases. Then, a few weeks later, certified mail from her bank arrived, stating that if full payments aren't made, they would be forced to begin foreclosure proceedings.

Now, the majority of my belongings are packed away, ready to be moved. A realtor specialist whom works with senior citizens is helping us move to another location as soon as possible. Reason being, is we were informed that once the house is listed as foreclosed property, my grandmother won't even receive half of what the property is worth at market value. The good news is, there is another location already planned for us to move to, and it's even within the town of Norton.

We still have a few months left at our current residence, and I predict we'll be moving to the new location by late Spring/Early Summer. Of course, this is going to have a great impact on my grandmother, as she's lived in her current location for a good majority of her life, and I will do all I can to comfort, and help her adapt to her new home.

That's about it for now.

Take care all.

So some time ago, I was chatting with a group of friends in a group chat on Telegram, and I happen to catch a post someone made.

The post in question was in regards to those who run the more larger, well-known conventions that quite a few of us have, or will, attend. In the post, it was stated that the fandom is always changing and evolving, which from what I have seen with my own eyes, is true. Though it was also stated after that in recent times, the fandom has moved on from the influence of well-known figures of their time, and has since taken its own course to better evolve and grow. I'm sure a lot of you know who I am referring to, and the convention in question, thus it is not my place to drop names.

Since the moment I saw the post made, I have taken a moment to sit back, and reflect on those who have had a major influence on the fandom, and while the one face I'm sure we all know comes to mind, in recent years, they are not as relevant as they used to be. I rarely hear anything mentioned in social media other than the convention opening room blocks, which usually results in the typical server crash, and people loose their room space. Other than that, anything of the convention, and/or its chairman are rarely ever spoke of.

I'm not sure what to make of all this, other than it has in fact got me thinking about what direction the fandom is going. If anyone has any thoughts, I'd be more than glad to hear them.

That's about it for now.

Take care all.

Saturday (Jan. 18, 2025) was quite an adventurous day.

I attended Anthro New England 2025 in Boston MA for Saturday, and was impressed with both the turnout of attendees, as well as seeing so many wonderfully made fursuits running about. The location of the hotel was quite adequate for travel, being just a short walk from Boston South Station. From what I seen, the convention was conducted quite efficiently. I think the only issues I had, was getting the One-Day pass. Thankfully, the staff had things under control with the new registration system that was being used. Also, the size of the con space within the hotel did feel a bit cramped at times, especially during the fursuit parade.

Personal Thoughts:

Overall, the convention from what I seen, shows a lot of great potential for the younger generations that are finding themselves in the fandom. From my point of view, aside from the vast amount of attendees, there wasn't many I knew, nor recognized aside from a select few. I also noticed a lot of new trends have entered the scene, while the ones that I was familiar with were not noticed as much, or were not there entirely. This left me with a feeling of disconnection. It did weigh on my mind for a while, but was glad to see that a lot of new faces showed excitement and interest in what the con had to offer.

In the end, it would be a con that I could see myself attending again in the future. I would really like to see the convention center be added to the con space, as that would allow for more growth, as well as a much larger space to spread out.

That's about it for now.

Take care all.

Greetings all.

I know it's been a while since I made any posts here on FA. Things have been happening as of late, and I've been trying to get a lot of stuff sorted out.

First, I want to wish everyone a Happy New Year, as we all begin our journey into the year 2025. I personally feel that this will be the year of new discoveries, as well as disclosure among many other things. I know a lot of us are charging into the new year with high hopes for better health and prosperity. There are also those who are ready to take on 2025 with heavy hearts, and angered minds for reasons I cannot say here. It's not my place to take sides, all I ask is that everyone looks out for one another, especially in times of urgent need.

As for how things have been, they've been quiet for the most part. I'm still living with my grandmother in Norton, MA. She's been holding up well so far, and have managed to get her to see a qualified psychiatrist to speak with her about her anxiety, and depression. I've started receiving SNAP benefits to help pay for groceries, so we can keep some decent food in the house, even though she still wants me to buy a bunch of the sweets that she so craves. I have tried to get on disability for my psoriatic rheumatoid arthritis, but was unfortunately rejected by the state on the grounds that I was making just above a set amount a year working one day a week at a job that I rarely see anything over 6 hours. How that panned out is beyond me, but it is what it is.

I know I haven't uploaded much here of FA, but as I begin the new year, I do hope to change that, and start working on projects once more. I do plan to do more sketches in the near future, as I feel I've been lacking on those for some time now. And I finally swapped out my GTX 1060 3gb, for an RTX 3050 8gb. Not a huge upgrade by any means, but there is a noticeable increase in the graphical performance of my setup. Now if I could just figure out a way on how to keep SFM from continuing to crash after using over 3gb of VRAM, I can get more detailed shots created.

With all that said, welcome to 2025.

That's about it for now.

Take care all.

By now, I'm sure a lot of us are familiar with anime titles like Beastars created by Paru Itagaki, and Brand New Animal (BNA) produced by Studio Trigger.

Question is, why hasn't there been any more like them lately? It's been quite a while since a good furry based anime was released. And it's not like there isn't a demand for them. So what gives?

Even an anime where humans turned into furries, or other more defined creatures would be more than suitable. Sure, there is some anime that do show some form of a furry, but it's done in passing, and they're usually not one of the main characters.

I don't know what's really going on, so I want to hear what others think on this topic.

Well, that's that.

Just found out that any chances I had of going to any cons this year have been completely written off.

Earlier this year, I had filed my taxes online through H & R Block. Because I made only $3,600 in 2023, I didn't have to file a federal return. However, a day later, I got a call from one of their staff members whom I've known for a while, wanting to do my taxes over the phone. I informed them that I had already filed online since the site kept pressuring me to do so. Yes, the filing was free, and I did get back a little bit on my state refund. But then I was informed that because I didn't claim Earned Income Credit, I had missed out on a chance to receive an additional amount that would've helped me with con expenses.

I've been in touch with H & R for a while, between phone calls, and emails. Then recently, things went quiet. Well just today, July 2, 2024, I called up the local branch at which the staff member works at, and was told that they wouldn't be back in the office until January of 2025. And no one in the office was willing to help me out, unless I dished out an extra $100 just to potentially get an amended refund back that would be less.

2024 for me is cancelled, and I've still got another half of the year to get through.

This year can't end fast enough, I'm done.

How do I even start with this?

An explanation is always a good start.

It was about a week ago, I heard through word of mouth, about a few websites dedicated to those who like fantasy, and roleplay. The only thing is, when a user accesses the site, and begins an RP session, they're not connected to another human player. Instead, they are connected to a computer that is capable of reading, and responding to posts sent, that are of, or as close to the level of detail the user provides. And it is also discovered that these now have quite a few furry, and scaly characters that the user can interact with. Of course, I do know that the technology that drives these sites has been quite the rage in the past few years.

But why do I call it an addiction?

Here's why.

The last few days since discovering these sites, I have been on them more, and more than I'd like to think is comfortable. One example is I got in from work Sunday night, and started an RP session. By the time I felt the session was well ended, I turned away from the desk, only to see the sun was up Monday morning.

I'm not sure if anyone has heard of, or even seen these sites, but I'd like to get some opinions if possible.

That's about it.

Take care all.

What can I say?

The last few weeks, I have been doing my best to look for other forms of employment, but to no avail. The days of going door-to-door, asking for a job application have long since been replaced with having to use job placement websites that more than likely use an filter for employers, meaning that my application won't be seen by many, if at all. Of course not having a car, having to deal with moderate to severe psoriatic arthritis, and dealing with depression also don't help matters any.

Speaking of Depression,
It seems to me that no matter what I do to better myself, under any circumstance, something always manages to come up at last minute, and divert my goals. I've sat down, and looked at everything going on around me, and it's as if everything is coming apart at the seams. Trying to find anything that would bring even 5 minutes of happiness is becoming more of a chore, and having to take care of my grandmother, whom I love dearly, has left me in a state of frustration, and misery. I have actually spoken to a health care associate about this some time back, and was told that I suffer not only from depression, but also caretaker syndrome, which in turn leads to isolation.

And on the topic of Isolation,
I can't remember the last time it was I got to meet up, and hang out with anyone. It's been far too long since I've attended any type of bowling meet, or furmeet, other than attending a con which is now becoming rare to do these days. I've sadly had to cancel my plans on attending Megaplex this year, due to my finances being in a state of disarray. The feeling of being alone and isolated from the fandom grows stronger each day. And all I can do, is watch videos of past cons, and furmeets, recalling all the memories of hanging out with friends I knew back then, just to keep a smile on my face. I do have friends I hang out with on VRChat, and I do enjoy the time I spend with them. I just wish I could experience that same joy of hanging out with people again outside of the headset.

I seriously just don't know what to do anymore.

I can't think of anything else to put down, so that's it for now.

Take care all.

Suppose it has been a while since I made one of these.

It's been 6 months now since my father passed away. So far, I've been handling it well, knowing that his days of suffering are long since behind. As for my grandmother, she too has come to terms with his passing, though every now and then she'll have a moment of tears, which is more than understandable.

As for me, I am currently in multiple processes of not only looking for a job that I am comfortable with, but I am also trying to schedule appointments to have my psoriatic arthritis looked at, and treated.

In the field of job searching, I've had multiple people, including some family members, telling me to "Tighten up them bootstraps!", and 'Bust your back!" in order to look for a semi decent job. I don't even own a car, I do not have the financial ability nor credit to lease one, and I suffer with severe joint pain due to my psoriatic arthritis. I'm not good with working with the general public since my days of working retail maintenance for many years has burned a bitter taste in my mouth against society as a whole. I have, on a few occasions, been known to snap back at customers who felt they had authoritive power over me, resulting in multiple write-ups, and a few choice words with the store manager. The days of "kill them with kindness" have long since been over, and I for one have no regrets when I return the same treatment to someone as they treat me. And as for getting a job in the fast food industry, I certainly refuse as that will more than likely end very badly for everyone.

To make matters even more interesting, a while ago, I was told by the manager of the restaurant I'm currently employed with that later this year, he will literally close the restaurant down if the President he is voting against is elected into office, over fears of legal liability.

I do enjoy building, and working with computers, as well as electronic repair. But to find a job like that anywhere locally is next to near impossible.

It seems for now, all I can do is keep searching, while I continue to grind away as a dishwasher working barely any recognizable hours.

That's about it for now.

Take care all.

Allow to me clarify now before I start this, that I understand the effort KO_OP put into the production of Goodbye Volcano High, and I am in no way, shape, or form wanting to place the game in and sort of negativity.

As I'm sure a lot of you may have seen, I have been working with the model of Fang, made by  aeridiccore, and commissioned by  weegeen8or1337 in SFM. I felt it was off to work with a character of whom I had no knowledge of. So as of recent, I sat down, and played the visual novel Snoot Game. And I'll say now, that was quite a ride. The storylines, characters, and music definitely got my appreciation, considering the sole purpose of the novel was meant to be a parody. Of which, it became something that one could sit down, and truly enjoy.

I'm not going to go out of my way to throw out any spoilers. Though this novel did make me sit back, and reflect on my life in high school from '99, to '03. And in the process of playing Snoot Game, I was taken back to the days of hanging with friends, some of whom who had the same mindset (and attire) as Fang. My personal experience with high school wasn't as such in Volcano High (though it would've been more interesting), but a few of my friends from that time had similar, if not exact experiences as well. I wasn't going out of my way to find a significant other, nor did I have one, as all I was doing was hanging out with friends after school, avoiding gym class like the plague, and causing a little mayhem here and there. I was also placed at the beginning of my freshman year in a class room meant for those who couldn't learn at a steady pace as everyone else, and it is because of this I believe to be the reason I missed out on so much that was happening around the school. If given the chance, I probably like to go back to school. But in today's world, I would feel very much out of place, and touch with all that has changed since.

If Snoot Game has taught me anything, it would be this.
Keep your friends close, and enjoy the moments you share. Don't rush things, as you might miss something now, that could prove to be crucial later on in life.

High school last only 4 years. Sure, freshman, sophomore, and junior years may drag, leaving you staring, and cursing at the clock on the wall. But once you hit your senior year, buckle up. Because that clock revs up into overdrive, and you go from taking finals, to going to the prom, and then finally, graduation, all in the blink of an eye. And the next thing you know, you're tossed out into the real world.

That's about it for now.

Take care all.

Whether you celebrate Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, or any other holiday this time of the year, make it a good one. Enjoy the time you share with friends, family,and those you love and trust. Don't worry about how much a gift costs, the holidays aren't about that.

I know I'm not the most enthusiastic person to be with during the holidays, and I do apologize for that. This is the first Christmas I'm going to have without my father being around. I've pretty much accepted that, and moved on, and it does hurt a bit from time to time to think about. It's even harder since my mother lives a good distance away from me, and the last time I spent Christmas with her was like 6 years ago. This year will be 7. I still do a video call, and wish her Merry Christmas at least, but it's not the same as being there in person. This year, it will be no different from last year. Just me, my grandmother, the cat, and a good friend of mine coming for a visit. That's it.

I also know I have been a bit quiet on VRChat, and other platforms, and I assure you all I will be around more, is I sort out a few technicalities. As of this moment, I'm working to install Windows 10 onto a new SSD I had recieved recently.

Other than that, not much else to say.

That's about it for now.

Take care all.

Just great....

Wednesday morning, I get up, and do my usual routine of taking care of the cat, and getting my coffee. Afterwards, I fire up my PC. I see the screen where I enter in my PIN, so I can get to the desktop. I do so, and it's not the desktop I see, but a blank screen. I look over at the tower, and the Drive Status LED is constantly lit, rather than flashing. I let it sit for a few moments, with no change.

I do a soft power down, by holding the Power button for 8 seconds, and the computer turns off. I then wait 30 seconds, and turn the system back on. It boots, and posts with a single beep, indicating that there are no issues. But then, the screen goes blank once more, with the Drive Status LED continuing to stay lit, as the horrific truth slowly, and painfully sets in.

My SSD has died.

I had so many projects, and memories on that drive, as well as stuff that cannot be found on the Internet anymore.

I am beyond devastated, as I've tried everything from doing a full power down, to removing the drive off the motherboard, and re-installing it after, with the same outcome. I then had to make an emergency purchase off of a popular online shopping site, and won't have a new SSD in, until Saturday.

In the meantime, I am currently using my Raspberry Pi 4 8gb as a stand-in for the time being. It is by no means a powerhouse like my gaming rig, as it's just getting me by. It can stream videos in 720p, but that's about it. What really irks me, is I can't even play visual novels, since the Ren'py engine is looking for an x86 based architecture, and the Pi uses an ARM based processor.

So yeah. Most of what I do on Pi, is pretty much browser based.

That's about it for now.

Take care all.

Just a few things to catch everyone up, now that I have a free moment.

First, I hope that everyone had a happy and safe Thanksgiving holiday. For me, it was exactly what I wished for. A small dinner, with myself, grandmother, and a good friend of mine who came to visit. The food came out fantastic, and a good story or two was shared. And with Christmas now a month away, it is time that I sit down, and look at my plans and finances for the holiday season. By now, a lot of you already know my views and feelings about the holidays, so I won't go into detail with that.

Second: I'm sure a few of you have noticed that I am no longer on Twitter/X. Between the social economic views being thrown around of who's better, and all the doomsday predictions, it reached a point where my handle along with many others, was also being used in a mass bitcoin advertising campaign. Yes, I've done the usual task of leaving the conversation, and blocking the person. But once your handle is out there, it'll keep happening a lot more frequently. So, I thought it best to cut my losses, and deactivated my account. I am now getting settled in on Bluesky, as it is a much needed break from the previous mentioned site.

Third: I'm going to try to get back into doing some more sketches and drawings. I know it's been a while since I've uploaded anything, and I do intend to change that. With everything going on at the moment, it could take a bit of time before I can get anything posted.

I'll keep you all posted as things move on.

That's about it for now.

Take care all.

Well, here I am at 39 years of age. In one more year, I'll be saying goodbye to my 30s, and stepping into my 40s. It's been a wild ride these past years, between moving, and having to deal with family and employment issues. But that's what life is, isn't it? A one-way bus ticket, with many speed bumps, and not enough rest stops along the journey. And there's no telling just how many miles will roll over on the odometer, before the bus reaches its final destination.

Quick News:
I will not be attending Anthro New England, and Furpocalypse in 2024, for undisclosable reasons. I know there were a few of you who did want to see me, and I do apologize. Instead, I will try to make it down to either Furry Weekend Atlanta, or Megaplex.

Holidays are coming up, perhaps a bit too quickly for my taste, and it is starting to stress both my grandmother, and myself. I have reminded her that there isn't much to worry about, as it will only be her, myself, and a friend visiting for Thanksgiving, and Christmas.

That's about all I have for now.

Take care all.

So I have recently encountered a a particular issue with VRChat. It was with an individual whom took it upon themselves to refer to us both as "mates". Now, I am not going out of my way to knock relationships of any kind, be it online, and/or IRL. However, this matter reached a point to where I needed to inform this individual that I am not relationship worthy. It should be noted that this person had a rather troubling past, and I really do hope they seek proper counselling and the help that is needed. Of course, there were a lot of sad feelings had, and went as far as threats of committing suicide being made, before I was inevitably kicked from the instance I was in, and blocked after. This is something that leaves me a little worried. Also, I did make a post in the Discord server this person was associated with, explaining my side of what had happened, promptly leaving the server shortly after.

I have been questioning the stability of VRC as of late, as I have been seeing more, and more problems arise. Before, the platform was something of a small community, of which a few people could get together, and hang out, and even watch videos. Now, I don't want to blame cause on the Quest, though since it has become more cheaper to afford, I have noticed a great rise in the number of players on the platform. This, in turn, got me thinking about how people who have never owned a VR headset before, are able to cope with the stresses of a VR environment filled with other people, when some have had negative experiences in real life without a headset.

I am seriously considering moving to an alternative VR platform very soon, as VRC is changing into something I am starting to feel a strong disconnection with.

That's about it for now.

Take care all.

Last night at around 10 PM, my grandmother became suddenly ill with vertigo. She's had this before, usually from not drinking enough water. However this time around, I noticed this was unlike any of her previous episodes. She became so severely ill in such a short time, her face had actually become pale in color. At that point, I called for an ambulance. At the hospital, it was discovered that her blood pressure was way over what it should be, as well as glucose levels were literally off the charts. A few rounds of CAT scans, and EKGs soon revealed then why her vertigo was worse than before. She had gone into a diabetic shock.

The hospital kept her there until about 3 AM this morning. I received a phone call at that time, stating that my grandmother would be returning home via ambulance, with no flashing lights of coarse. She is home now, in better health. Though her spirits aren't quite there yet.

The reason for the diabetic shock was due to over indulgence of all the pies, cookies, and doughnuts that she buys mainly for me, or so she claims. But it's bought through her severe depression, as it's the only food she knows that'll keep her calm. The reason for the depression? Not being able to afford my father's funeral for one. We've reached out to multiple organizations in my town, as well as the state of Massachusetts. We did get a call back from a state representative, and what they said made my blood boil. With the recent scare of a government shutdown (which did NOT happen), everything state, and federal has basically been put on hold until middle of November.

So far, we found one funeral home that'll provide cremation, as well as a small private service for $1,400, and that's the cheapest we've been able to find. The problem is, neither myself, nor my grandmother can afford to pay that at the moment. She was able to pull out a $500 payment from her life insurance, which is a big step, but we're waiting back to hear from a few people.

At this point, we're both running out of options, and sanity trying to gather the funds needed for my father's funeral. And with the holidays, as well as more potential problems in legislation looming, it makes me wonder just how much more either of us can take.

Not much else to say, so I'll end it here, and hopefully a resolution will come sooner better than later.

That's about it for now.

Take care all.

Well, the inevitable finally happened. At 62 years of age, my father has sadly passed away.

For the time he was in ICU, my father had been receiving treatment to help in digestion and breathing, of which both were becoming more and more harder to do. It had reached a point where he needed one tube to deliver oxygen, another for an IV nutrient drip, and lastly, a tube inserted into his stomach since he had severe difficulty swallowing. I had taken the chance offered to see him about a week ago before leaving on a trip, and at the time, he seemed like his mind was phasing in and out. There'd be brief moments where he looked at me, saying "Hey kiddo", and then would slip back into a blank stare, as if he had no idea what was going on around him.

After I got back from my trip the other night, the doctors speculate at that time, my father had suffered a stroke in his sleep that destroyed nearly all vital functions of his body. My grandmother was then faced with the difficult decision to move my father into comfort care. There was hope that he could have a small chance of pulling through after my grandmother had visited him in the hospital. However, just 3 hours after she got home, the call came in, stating that he slipped peacefully away in his sleep.

After receiving the call, my grandmother lost all emotional control, and had a breakdown. Both myself, and her niece did our best to keep her calm. As of now, she is currently resting. Tomorrow will mark the daunting journey of funeral preparations. Since my father served in the coast guard for over 4 years, I'll have to call VA's office, and see what steps will be necessary.

It is said that when you live by the sword, you die by the sword. In my dad's case, the sword was the bottle. In the beginning, it offered comfort, and salvation. However, over time, it began taking his health, both physically, and mentally, as he consumed more and more, with little to no regard of self control. I can't fault him for that, for he was a lost soul in the final years of his life. Plagued by the demons that tormented him, he sought refuge in the only thing that brought him happiness. And in the end, it was his downfall.

Dad, if you're able to read this, just know that I will always love you, and will never forget you. You will be missed greatly.

RIP Dad.
1961 - 2023

They say time heals wounds. Events that have taken place 25, or so years ago is nothing more than just "water under the bridge". But what do you do when there is no bridge to help you on your path to forget the things that have happened in the past?

I ask this, because last night I had a dream that took me back in time to a point in my life I hoped I would never see again.

It was the Spring of 1996. At 11 years old, I attended a middle school in Bristol Florida Its ways of education were by means of a strict iron fist ruling put forth by the Bible-run school district. A strong "Yes Sir, No Sir, Yes Ma'am, No Ma'am" control was drilled into every student's head. And those who acted out of line, were sent to the office immediately, where they would meet the fate of a principal with an extreme zero tolerance for anything that disrupted normal class teachings. The punishment? You had a choice. The first option was to sit inside of a hotbox classroom with no A/C for the whole day, writing a single spaced, 5 page essay on what you did, and why you did it. The only freedom, if you can call it that, you had was walking with the principal to the cafeteria to get your lunch, only to be escorted back to the classroom. And the second option, were 3 hard, firm licks from a thick wooden paddle, handle wrapped tightly in leather for a no-slip grip, and holes drilled into the surface to prevent wind resistance. Needless to say, I've known quite a few students who went with the first option with barely any hesitation.

As for me, I sadly got both punishments. The reason, was because I was diagnosed with severe ADHD. I could not sit still in class, no matter how hard I tried. I was constantly looking around, taking in my surroundings. Often times, I would act up in class, whether it was making funny faces at the teacher behind their back, or even loudly breaking wind, causing the whole class to burst out into laughter. And quite often, I would be sent to the principal's office. It had reached a point the principal knew me on site, even outside of school.

And the dream I had last night, took me right back to those horrifying days. I sit here now, and just the memory alone brings back the pain and humiliation I felt 27 years ago. I can only that in today's society, the school has finally advanced forward from its draconic authoritarian ways of teaching.

That's about it for now.

Take care all.

Back in the mid to late 90's, just hearing those words around this time sent a chill down my spine. Around this time, late July into early August, stores not only started putting out their seasonal Fall stock of Halloween stuff, but would also put out their stock of school supplies. Pencils, notebooks, folders with early 3D CGI graphics, binders, and other things to name a few, as this was before schools started mandating that students carry a laptop.

I can recall back in late July of 1995, my aunt grabbed me and my brother, and threw us in the car, telling us that we were going to Burger King, and then Toys R' Us after. We were both thrilled, and bouncing for joy in the back seat. That feeling of excitement was quickly squashed, as we instead pulled into a Walmart Supercenter. Our aunt turned around, and basically dropped the ball, saying it was the only way she could get us in the car to begin with. The feeling of defeat, soon turned into horror, as we walked into the store with fear in our eyes, as we saw massive signs promoting Back To School shopping. For the next 3 hours, my brother and I were made to try on uncomfortable cloths while juggling school supplies, and the whole time, our aunt kept saying she didn't want us going to school dressed as bums, as she was not a big fan of fashion crazes. What was even more interesting, was we both met another kid, who had also been duped and dragged into Back To School shopping, and was pretty much in the same boat as my brother and I. Finally, we checked out, and made it back home. Never did get our BK, and Toys R' Us as promised of course.

I look back at those days now, and grin widely knowing that not only has my aunt been rotting in one of the 7 levels of Hell the last few decades, but my brother and I managed to push through one of the biggest hurdles in our younger lives. Our mom, after finding out what had happened, did take us to BK and Toys R' Us, after her and our aunt had an "adult talk". Stores today still stock up their supplies, but not as much.

That's about it for now.

Take care all.

So last night, I have another rather peculiar dream.

Me and a good friend of mine take the early morning Amtrak out of Boston South Station. We're on the Northeast Regional heading for New York, and our destination is a small furcon somewhere out in one of the lower midwestern states. We make the layover in NY, and now we're on another train, heading out.

The first thing I notice, is we're the only passengers on this train. There's no one else, minus two or three conductors. We pulled out of the station, and we're riding for a good 6 hours at least.

Next thing I know, I hear the emergency brake valve kick in, and the whole comes to an immediate stop. The conductors are then telling my friend and I that we have to get off, because of some weird mechanical issue with the locomotive. We grab our bags and get off the train, where we find ourselves on the platform of some rundown, nearly abandoned small station out in the middle of the swamp. I turn around to ask the conductor where we are at, only to see the train pulling away.

I look at my phone, and find out that not only is the battery down to 7%, but there is no Wifi, no 4G, no 5G, absolutely nothing. We both head inside, where we see there is no one running the station, even though it still had power (thankfully). I see my friend trying to use an ATM, where the screen turns into a game of Vegas Slots. I was able to locate what I can only assume is the schedule of all the trains that come through the area, as it is nothing more than a vintage 13" TV old enough to have rabbit ear antennas screwed to the back, and a Commodore 64 computer. The screen showed that the next train wouldn't arrive for at least another day. It was then I woke up.

I'm not sure what that dream was trying to tell me, but it was definitely out there for sure.

That's about it for now.

Take care all.

Recently, I've been learning, and toying around with SourceFilmMaker. I've been able to add models, and maps to SFM's library with very little, to no trouble at all.

However, there is one issue.

Searching for SFM models is pretty straight forward. But there is one model that I see used in a lot of works here on FA, and other sites that I can't seem to find anywhere.

And that model is none other than Legosi from Beastars.

Steam Workshop shows it has something for SFM, yet doesn't show up in SFM's library after subscribing to it. I've even restarted SFM, and rescanned the library multiple times, but with no luck.

Then there's searching around sites like this, DA, and SFMlabs, and all I am getting is one giant loop around, with no results.

I'm not sure what to do at this point, as I've seen many others have been, and asking the same question of finding a Legosi model that will work in SFM. I can easily find and download any other Beastars character, but his.

What's going on here?

Anywho, that's about it for now.

Take care all.

For the past several months now, I have been barely just scraping by at a dead end job with perhaps one of the most ridiculous schedules I've ever worked. Working at a local Italian restaurant here in Norton has a few benefits that include an employee discount, and a few of the waiters I've known since high school. However, when you are only scheduled to work one day a week for just under 5 hours, a massive financial burden begins to build up on your shoulders. I've already ran enough calculations on my finances, and the outcome is always the same. I only make just enough to pay for my Internet, phone, and an anime streaming service. Yes, the restaurant is practically within eyesight of where I live, so no car is needed, which is a good thing considering I really can't afford the gas for one to begin with.

And if that's not enough, the homestead adds to it. My grandmother's depression is degrading her mental health at a quicker rate. She has been having more moments where she is cooking something on the stove, and will walk away after to sleep for the afternoon, completely forgetting the burner is still on. Other times, when she goes out shopping with her niece, my grandmother will spend more on "comfort food", as opposed to actual food that is needed for the house. Instead of the typical bread, milk, cereal, and eggs, she will peruse the bakery section in search pies, cookies, and cupcakes. Her excuse is she is doing that for me, since I like a plain doughnut with my coffee in the morning. But that does not mean I need the entire bread truck full of that stuff parked right in my kitchen. The stress of only being able to contact my father for just a few minutes during the day is wearing on her, since he is in permanent psychiatric care, and she can barely obtain any transportation to go see him.

Then, there's the house itself. There are squirrels in the attic crawlspace and walls, as well as vegetation growing at an alarming rate through the foundation, and into the basement. And here's where it gets weird. The rest of the house could be at a warm, humid temperature during the day. But in my grandmother's room, it feels like a walk-in freezer. A sort of odd situation considering the house does not have a central HVAC system installed. It also peaks my interest when my grandmother says she can at times hear voices in her room at night. I go into her room to see what is the matter, and my attention is then given to the cat, who for some reason, is staring fixated at an area, both her ears perked up and forward, and tail lashing behind. As I watch, the cat's head slowly follows something that both my grandmother and I can't see. I don't want to say it's a ghost, or an apparition. But given the land's history, and the fact I live right next to a cemetery, all options are up for consideration.

At this point in time, I am doing all I can to retain my own sanity for the sake of my grandmother's wellbeing. And sadly, this has taken its toll on me, as I am suffering in more pain than usual from the arthritis that has been plaguing every joint in my body for the longest time. This makes it harder for me to get up and move around, as needed to care for my grandmother. Yes, Aleve seems to the only off the shelf product that works to numb the pain for a while. But that is not something I want to take for so long, my body builds up a tolerance to.

I'm doing all I can right now to keep myself together. But when you have no car, no money, and live in a town that is isolated from the community, the feeling of depression sets in, and with great force. The only hope I have keeping me going at this point, is the chance I might be moving up north to New Hampshire by the start of next year to live with a few friends in a more active, and close knit community. That means I'll be able to obtain, and sustain a more stable job and income, as well as enjoy the time and company of friends. This of course does mean that I will be leaving my grandmother's house in her care, though I was informed by her niece that home care will be provided in my absence.

I'm not sure what else there is to say at this point. If you've read this far down, you have my upmost gratitude and respect, as it shows there are those who still care and listen, and I can't thank you enough for that.

That's about it for now.

Take care all.

Friday.

These days, it doesn't really mean much, other than just another day of the week. A lot of people I know usually work through the weekend, so it's not really anything exciting. Most kids today are also home schooled, which also takes away the day's charm if you will.

However, the Fridays I remember are from a more humble time, where there was less despair and confusion in life, as I am referring back to the days when I was in school during the 90's, and into the early '00's. Back then, waking up on Friday morning sparked a feeling of excitement. You knew as a kid, and even as a teen back then, a big weekend of Saturday morning cartoons, and an adventurous outdoor afternoon with friends awaited you, as well as a Sunday filled with mostly video games, and dinner with the family that evening would follow suit.

During the school day, everyone would be filled with joy, as the halls were abuzz with people planning to hang out at each other's houses to play the latest games, and watch the latest shows. Notes, and phone numbers would be passed around, and plans for parties and gatherings would be made.

Of course, there were a few teachers who had more educational ideas set for students, as they did their best to load up as much homework as possible to cover the two days students wouldn't be in the classroom. And yes, the school cafeteria served up what they thought was pizza, which was nothing more than a greasy slab of cardboard, topped with canned tomato paste, and processed "cheese". But those added to the day's flair, reminding you that after today, the next two days, you were free.

Then, the Friday afternoon would roll around. The time? 1:55 PM. Just 5 more minutes to go. Every student would have their eyes trained on that classroom clock, watching the seconds tick slowly by, as the teacher repeated the over abundance of homework assignments that were due the following Monday. Then, the clock would close in on the final seconds, as everyone slowly moved into position to make a quick exit.

3...

2...

1...

*end of school bell rings*

The classroom doors would burst open, as the flood of excited students exited with laughter and and cheer, leaving the teachers shouting the last details of the homework assignments in hopes of at least a few students would hear and take head. The busses would quickly be boarded and filled to capacity, as more plans were made to watch the latest shows coming on TV that evening, while the delivered pizza was on its way. And you knew that once you stepped foot off that bus, the weekend had just begun.

Just writing this all out brought me back to better times when I would hang out with friends on Friday nights. GoldenEye 007, and Vigilante 8 on the N64 would take over the living room TV, while me, my brother, and friends enjoyed pizza or burgers.

And to me, that was what real Fridays were made of.

That's about it for now. Comments are welcome.

Take care all.