Firstly I feel I need to apologize for a lack of activity, it's simply that when my depression and other health matters flare up I have a terrible urge and desire to shrink back and retreat away from other people beside those who are the very closest to me who are my parents, I tend to go into a retreat and not wish to bother anyone else with my problems in any manner or form, my wish to allow others to not be dragged down in some way by the way I feel or have been. I know I shouldn't do so at all and I know I have friends and more who are more than happy to support me but to try and get out of that rut and out of the mindset that causes me to retreat away into my own space is a tough thing to do and I wish I knew a good way to do so in an easier manner.

But if I'm honest as well I pretty much just gave up on everything, I reached a point where I no longer look forward to anything, get all that excited by anything or really want to do much of anything, yet I still wish to see what the future holds and I still want to be here for being able to do good things for those I care about.

It's simply myself just reaching a weird form of acceptance that everything just feels lifeless sometimes for me and it's all going through the motions over and over again

My Dad having his cancer and with all going on for him and all the tests and more he's had to go through the past few months...

My Mum not being well herself, breaking her shoulder too and just how she feels in general...

My Diabetes getting worse, my Arthritis causing pains, being told if my liver ever gets infected I could drop dead due to a deficiency I have...

There's so many things going on and I just, it got to a boiling point and then topped with pains and sleepless nights led to the fact I just gave up caring anymore about things, it's all been horrible and I really am sorry to all who care about me, I don't like to be a burden to others in these things and I want to be able to help others smile if I can, it's just been real tough lately and I hope it's understandable and I wish I could explain the feelings more as well

I have so much to post up, so many things to do! I have so much kindness to show to others that has been shown to me and I need, I really need, to make sure I can post it here for all to see and love on as much as I have

The Winner of the Dominant or Submissive YCH is...

at #11!!

Link for proof of winning number - https://imgur.com/a/PI0oezS

You have 24 Hours to Comment and Claim or it will be redrawn!

Congratulations to the Winner and thank you all for entering!!

There will be even more YCH draws to come, I hope you all enter and have fun and also wish you all good luck too for the next one!

I normally used to post the winners on images to here, but FA removed and gave me a warning, so by link it will be, which is just as good

It's not cancer at all and I'm so relieved and so happy to know a lot more now thanks to the hospital and the doctors what it is since it was painful to wait and wait for finding out what it is on my thumb

The level of relief, the amount of just feeling so much better then I did before they sent me a letter to confirm I no longer need to see anyone for scans is overwhelmingly high and feels amazing if honest, it feels like the biggest weight has come off and like I've been freed from something completely uncertain for the future, though during the wait for my news there's been other things going on too that made it feel even worse, but at least there's been good news for me on this and I'm just elated by it in that it's not the more horrible one of the two choices I had

It is however a terrible amount of Arthritis that if to be honest is also a damn bad thing for me and I wasn't going to win for either choice but this one is the one that won't kill me off or need hours and hours of treatment and chemotherapy to sort it, I need to see a Hand Surgeon now to see what they want to do to remove the lump on my thumb since it looks horrific and other people are horrified by it too but at least it's just getting rid of this thing, it's getting it gone soon I hope and then I can move on and see what they do to help my Arthritis

I'm so sorry for worrying everyone, I'm sorry for causing anyone to wait like me for the news too, it's been a tough time but I'm hopeful for the future and love all of you lots and lots, please bear with me during these times, I'll try my best to do what I can

With the posting of Wynona now I'm closer to being ready to do the Dyna Species properly

Wynona - https://www.furaffinity.net/view/42334135/

I can post up the Berserker and Feral soon and then I will be as ready as I can be, so soon, real soon!!! ^.^

I have a question for everyone Watching me

Soon I will be able to start a new species, the Dyna Species, that will be copyrighted to me as the creator, of course, but would be open to anyone wishing to have one of their own

I'm curious about what others think of it and will soon have the ability to tell far, far more about them when I'm ready, I have big plans and all of you have already seen one Dyna Species member, Dynamus, who is attached to my precious girl, Ren.

There will be more details soon though so keep an eye out for more, is drawing up two important parts of the species so look forward to seeing them in the future!

The ever so lovely is well worth checking out and it would do her the world of good right now if you were able to Watch and Commission her too!

She is a dear friend to me and is amazing and I want to send anyone I can her way to help her out right now

Please, go and see if you can check her out, Willow is well worth it too!!

Would any of my Watchers like to give ideas for the type of Species they would like to see in my Raffles?

Any ideas for what anyone would like to see? Comment with any ideas?

Can be a good few species, suggestions are welcome!

There's more Free Raffles coming so let me know!

In the days to come there'll be quite a good few more raffles to come!

They will ALWAYS be for FREE to enter, all anyone needs to do is enter for them and grab a chance to own them

My best friend will design them on bases from and maybe others, so keep an eye out and have fun when I do them!

The Rule is to answer in less than 24 hours passing, it is there for a reason so it doesn't feel like I'm being taken for granted in any way that it'll stay open to someone clearly not answering me in time

I am making sure with that it's fine to re-do the Raffle but now the 24 hour period has been reached and passed and the Winner has not replied, so as long as Uno says all is a go it will be drawn again, but please, if I ask for 24 hours after it closes then make sure to reply, so I know the Winner is genuine in wanting to take part in what I do