Little bit of a health update. Still feeling very fatigued and disinterested with everything and prone to suddenly needing more rest at a moment's notice, but at least I'm not coming down with an ulcer, which had me bothered after a couple of acid episodes. A lot of fallout from recent events is still filling my plate, but you know, one thing at a time.

I know people care. I only wish I had the energy and ability to.

So soon after my aunt, I get the call that my mother has reached the Alzheimers end-of-life stage, no longer being able to physically swallow.

But I think in this case after the inevitable emotional wobble - nobody ever wants a loved one to go in the worst way imaginable, literally starving to death because there's nothing of them left to properly function - it's going to be more of a relief because she's been in care for about five years now.

And I already had the paranoia meltdown the last time... so I dunno. Give it a few days. Fortunately I already reasons organised not to simply withdraw to a darkened bedroom for however long.

Why does this kind of news always have to come through soon after getting caffeined up and ready to work?

It's the little things one obsesses over.

Jesus Christ from Croydon - out of four siblings on my mother's side, ALL FOUR plus their father have or had came down with Alzheimer's. Word just got to me of my aunt's passing, as if I wasn't freaked out enough over dementia already. I'm almost 50 with a long history of depression, anxiety and self-loathing, plus issues of unresolved grief and psychological abuse; on top of all that, I'm really worried that before too long my mental faculties may well start living on borrowed time. And as well-meaning as it may be to say 'chin up, it may never happen', the image of my mother, gaunt but clinging to life for years in a care home while being utterly dead inside, continually haunts me. So er, no, positive thinking isn't a huge benefit right at this moment.

Or to put it more bluntly:

'Just because there's a strong family history doesn't mean you'll get it' is like me saying 'just because there's a hammer in my hand doesn't mean I'm going to smash you in the face with it', because there's an equally high statistcal likelihood that a glib statement like that one is going to make me really really want to.

So I had a delivery note for a surprise package from a friend in Texas come through the door on Thursday, but unlike with Amazon deliveries, they didn't leave it with a neighbour as they required a signature for it. Instead I was to pick it up from the depot the next working day.

Friday I go to the depot, they can't find it. Thinking it's been filed in the wrong place, they say they'll give me a call on Saturday.

Saturday call doesn't come.

Monday I go back, and then learn that mere hours after the delivery notice, the mail van had been broken into during what was obviously a planned job, during the thirty-minute changeover when the van was parked outside the Merthyr town hall. It's only after that I learn the contents were said friend's entire Neo Geo Pocket collection, being passed on to a retro enthusiast who would appreciate it. Said collection has yet to turn up anywhere (have a look on eBay UK to get some idea how much it would cost over here to replace it.)

I suffer from intense depression at the best of times, and was so bummed out I binged on Diazepam to make myself sleep because I'd lost the will to be awake and simply didn't want to face the rest of the day. It's about 24 hours of total sleep later and I still don't feel fully with it again yet.

Oh, and to top it all off, guess what day Monday was.

So I'm warning everybody right now; any future April Fool japes will henceforth be repaid with a rake in the face, and no jury in the world will convict me.

...and that was to get another game out by the end of 2019, that can be taken around to shows to gauge interest in it. Simpler in layout that my usual pinball fare, even if it just turns out to be a machine for myself, I still want to make it. A theme, a platform and a small build team are in place, but visual design will be the key.

The night before I'm supposed to get my one crack at a pinball show as a guest, reconnect with the community and make some industry contacts, and my cooker goes and catches fire. Had to get the fire service out at 1 in the morning and everything.

The damage isn't bad aside from a lot of mess and the cooker being destroyed, but I'll have to report this to the estate agent first thing in the morning, and if they and the landlord insist on matters being taken care of immediately with the house and the gas and whatnot, that's going to be my meetup and travel times royally screwed over, not to mention the booked hotel room.

I also may neve get another chance like this to salvage something from several years of work-related financial abuse that crippled me to the tune of tens of thousands of pounds in lost income. Fuck my life.

Update: Estate agent says I can leave the house matters until Monday, so that's a relief. But dear God, the timing couldn't have been worse.

God, imagine being able to *literally* use yourself as a pillow like that.

...Those being the chapter titles for the four-part Thermal Image story, once Gill and I get that far.

Where are we at now though? Well, there's the second half of I, Me, Mine to tackle first, followed by Zero Hour and Ignition, and big events are in store within the comic itself. Principally though is the finishing off of the last story for Red Equinox volume 1, for which editing has already begun. The collection will contain the first three issues, with revised scripting and some arranged and additional material; plus the short No Good Deed, which canonically fits between issues 3 and 4, and which for the time being will remain a Patreon and book exclusive.

More details as and when.

We're about two-thirds through the issue 3 run on  Gillpanda 's FA now, and the same level of progress in the inking stage of issue 4. While Gill is waiting on colour flats for pages after that's done, we'll probably take the time to start prepping and formatting content for the first print volume, which is expected to contain the first three chapters, with some minor revision; the double-length The Prince And The Viper, plus Black And Grey Shadows and Battu Versus Torp, and some new exclusive art content: a mini-episode bringing us back to the prince, entitled 'No Good Deed'.

Issue 4 continues the Shadow Citadel Prison arc with I, Me, Mine (a two-issue chapter, the 'waxing phase' and 'waning phase'), and the plan is to conclude it with the episodes Zero Hour and Implosion. After that comes the Infinite Potential arc, currently scheduled to open with the two- or three-part story Thermal Image, which should take the comic up to the end of issue 9 or 10.

https://www.patreon.com/RedEquinox

Go read. New pages added Tuesday and Friday; creator/artist Gillpanda, written by me.

http://www.furaffinity.net/view/24792790/

Scripting and thumb nailing is complete for issue 4 and partway into issue 5, it being a two-part episode.

Support the Red Equinox Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/RedEquinox

Gillpanda's auteur magnum opus continues apace! Or in layman's terms: more pages wot are being drawded.

Patreon followers should already know that the last quarter of issue two of the comic (25 pages long) is in the flat-colouring and shading stages now, but here's a new development: though Gill is responsible for the overall direction of the comic, and the two of us consult over story planning and pitching ideas, I have now levelled up from script editor to the comic's main writer for a duration. Issue three is already scripted and planned out with page and panel breakdowns, ready for Gill to construct initial sketch layouts; I will definitely be writing issue four, and continuing the same story arc into issue five as well. There will be new characters to meet, fresh intrigues to uncover in the foreground and background, concepts explained into how the 'science' of this universe works, and action. Plenty of action.


"Objective matching Sügarian visual data has been located and verified. Will report again upon completion of phase two to formulate extraction plan. Prepare to mobilise for possible tactical strike. Operative out."


Gill's Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/RedEquinox

Starting with issue two, I'm on board as staff of Gill Panda's newest comic (the double-length issue one pages are already up on FA, and if you haven't seen them already WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?) as the story and script editor; in charge of general proofreading, adding more weight and natural touches to dialogue and characterisation, checking the continuity, pitching little ideas and suggestions for the world-building, that kind of thing - though of course the concept side is all Gill's. The script for the second issue is all finalised, and layouts and pencils are currently up to around page 10 at the time of writing this.

Anyway, the comic also has its own Patreon now, so you should definitely check that out.

https://www.patreon.com/RedEquinox

That is all.

I just got the phone call... my younger brother hanged himself yesterday. He was 40 years old, and I always thought he was the strongest out of the three of us.

There is nothing else to say right now.


Update: funeral is this Friday. The time to ask how I'm doing will be the following week.

...I'd stay off FA's search function for a week if I were you.

Gives hope to children for Christmas, knowing full well it'll be broken by the end of the bank holiday.

Sorry for that howler monkey shitbiscuit Nigel Farage. I mean it. Sorry.

PS: Can we do swapsies with Theresa May and Hillary Clinton? We'll be happy to take your unelected and highly disparaged woman premier off your hands, if only you'll take ours.

What has also been occupying much of the last two years of my life.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cnuRO80J4wo&feature=youtu.be&autoplay=1&rel=0

Captain Orange is irredeemable. YOU are not. Remember this - do not try to imitate his values.

I realise there's a fair clutter of commissioned material from the past that a fair number of you haven't seen any of, and since I don't normally use this main account to tangle it up with my own occasional submissions, I'm going to store it all in the support account that was opened as a temporary backup during the security and subsequent password trouble and has been otherwise sitting unattended since then. Don't expect an enormous flood of work all at once (although there will be a few lengthier sequences to be found), but do keep a close eye on it.

http://www.furaffinity.net/user/ealadubhsidhe/

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=nZ9EWcaS7II

This has never seemed such a scathingly satirical song as it does right now.

Bleah, that wasn't fun. Still, I have my FA credentials back, on the off chance that anyone noticed a lack of activity.

It was twenty years ago today
That we gathered round the box to pray
That the programme might return in style
And we forced ourselves to wear a smile.
When Yanks were introduced to Who
The act was dropped and all was tears,
"DOCTOR PISSPOOR'S LOATHED BY US" blubbed fans.