Epic Giveaway
Posted 6 years agoNot going to be on here for long but I thought I would post this for any friends interested.
The business I opened to make chainmail jewelry and day collars (Yes i officially have an LLC >.>; I'm all legal and stuffs now instead of a hobby) is doing a mega giveaway for the holidays!
Go to DominantDesiresDenver on facebook or dominant_desires_denver on instagram (and yes you can enter both). Like and share the giveaway post, and then check out our etsy shop to find your favorite lock design. Comment it on the giveaway post and you are entered to win a complete day collar set! CUSTOM Designed chainmail necklace/collar, Custom keychain, and your choice of day collar locks from our shop! I'm super excited about this, and it's a huge reason I've been away. Starting a real legal business takes a lot of hard work, and we have been attending various events in the area vending our items live and spreading the word. Please come show us some love, follow our pages, and hopefully win an awesome customized gift just in time for the holidays!
https://www.facebook.com/DominantDesiresDenver/
https://www.etsy.com/shop/DominantDesires
The business I opened to make chainmail jewelry and day collars (Yes i officially have an LLC >.>; I'm all legal and stuffs now instead of a hobby) is doing a mega giveaway for the holidays!
Go to DominantDesiresDenver on facebook or dominant_desires_denver on instagram (and yes you can enter both). Like and share the giveaway post, and then check out our etsy shop to find your favorite lock design. Comment it on the giveaway post and you are entered to win a complete day collar set! CUSTOM Designed chainmail necklace/collar, Custom keychain, and your choice of day collar locks from our shop! I'm super excited about this, and it's a huge reason I've been away. Starting a real legal business takes a lot of hard work, and we have been attending various events in the area vending our items live and spreading the word. Please come show us some love, follow our pages, and hopefully win an awesome customized gift just in time for the holidays!
https://www.facebook.com/DominantDesiresDenver/
https://www.etsy.com/shop/DominantDesires
Update!!!!!! I've finally returned!
Posted 7 years agoAlright, let's keep this update as brief as possible, while still filling everyone in.
1) 5 months or so ago I moved in with my partner. Some of his family moved in with us and it became a HUGE cluster fuck that was extremely mentally abusive to me. While he tried to put a stop to it, his family decided to spend over 4 months making my life a living hell. Constantly trash talking me to and behind my back, and even going as far as attacking me publicly on grocery trips and on facebook. I spent 4 months feeling like I was a prisoner in our bedroom, and did not feel safe leaving it. Because of this I now suffer from massive panic attacks, and other issues.
2) We finally managed to move out of that situation together about a week ago. We are still unpacking but I finally feel like I'm able to relax a little. I no longer feel like I'm locked in a room and I don't jump at every single sound now (just every other one...).
3) Moving twice in 5 months has put me in a pretty bad financial bind. Even though I managed to get the prior mentioned hospital bill erased due to my lower income, I'm now $1500 in debt from having to move TWICE in 5 months. And the last one being right before Christmas means this year won't be very cheerful around the house as I'm trying to save everywhere I can.
4) If that wasn't bad enough, today at work my phone screen got shattered, so that's another $130-$150 I have to come up with NOW, as my phone is very much needed for both my job and my personal life.
So, where does that leave us today?
1) I'm back. yay? I hope?
2) I want to go back to making adopts and doing YCH, but that will have to wait. I promised a very dear friend of mine art a long time ago, and until I've finished Alpha's art, and started on the egg adopts again I owe people from like a year ago, nothing else is getting touched. Alpha, I am so very very sorry that it's taken this long to get to them, but I WILL begin working on them early next week. I want to have at least one done for you before Christmas if not both.
3) Right now, the biggest thing I could hope for is support. And I don't mean financially. If you wanna help by buying adopts and such when i get back to them, epic. But I'm emotionally destroyed from the past several months, and I really just need some positive vibes in my life. My partner and my sub both help a lot, but my sub is in another state, and my partner isn't in a whole lot better shape then I am, as he fought with his family almost daily for months over how they were treating me. So he's also a bit traumatized from all this. He's doing his best to help me through it though.
So...guess you have an update? I'm back, and I'll try to be around more often from now on.
1) 5 months or so ago I moved in with my partner. Some of his family moved in with us and it became a HUGE cluster fuck that was extremely mentally abusive to me. While he tried to put a stop to it, his family decided to spend over 4 months making my life a living hell. Constantly trash talking me to and behind my back, and even going as far as attacking me publicly on grocery trips and on facebook. I spent 4 months feeling like I was a prisoner in our bedroom, and did not feel safe leaving it. Because of this I now suffer from massive panic attacks, and other issues.
2) We finally managed to move out of that situation together about a week ago. We are still unpacking but I finally feel like I'm able to relax a little. I no longer feel like I'm locked in a room and I don't jump at every single sound now (just every other one...).
3) Moving twice in 5 months has put me in a pretty bad financial bind. Even though I managed to get the prior mentioned hospital bill erased due to my lower income, I'm now $1500 in debt from having to move TWICE in 5 months. And the last one being right before Christmas means this year won't be very cheerful around the house as I'm trying to save everywhere I can.
4) If that wasn't bad enough, today at work my phone screen got shattered, so that's another $130-$150 I have to come up with NOW, as my phone is very much needed for both my job and my personal life.
So, where does that leave us today?
1) I'm back. yay? I hope?
2) I want to go back to making adopts and doing YCH, but that will have to wait. I promised a very dear friend of mine art a long time ago, and until I've finished Alpha's art, and started on the egg adopts again I owe people from like a year ago, nothing else is getting touched. Alpha, I am so very very sorry that it's taken this long to get to them, but I WILL begin working on them early next week. I want to have at least one done for you before Christmas if not both.
3) Right now, the biggest thing I could hope for is support. And I don't mean financially. If you wanna help by buying adopts and such when i get back to them, epic. But I'm emotionally destroyed from the past several months, and I really just need some positive vibes in my life. My partner and my sub both help a lot, but my sub is in another state, and my partner isn't in a whole lot better shape then I am, as he fought with his family almost daily for months over how they were treating me. So he's also a bit traumatized from all this. He's doing his best to help me through it though.
So...guess you have an update? I'm back, and I'll try to be around more often from now on.
My absense
Posted 7 years agoI've had a few people asking why I have vanished for the last several months. So without getting into to many details here ya go.
1) New relationship that I love, but has me busy all weekend with 3 kids.
2) Wound up in the hospital with $20,000 in hospital bills alone, not including all the other testing and the other doctor i went to first.
3) Got laid off not long after said hospital thing, and had to take a pay cut to be able to continue working. This job is far more physically intense so I'm always dead tired.
Because of this, if I ever get any free time I'll be doing adopts again to try to earn some of the money to at least pay off the smaller medical bills. The hospital one I'll deal with as I can. My insurance said they will be covering parts, but I'll have at LEAST $5000 to pay after they do what they can on it. This is on top of my normal every day medicines that are costing me $120 a month, plus bills, plus taking care of my kid and affording gas for work.
So if I'm quite, know that I'm alive, but until life stops kicking me in the crotch for more then a few days, I'll be MIA.
1) New relationship that I love, but has me busy all weekend with 3 kids.
2) Wound up in the hospital with $20,000 in hospital bills alone, not including all the other testing and the other doctor i went to first.
3) Got laid off not long after said hospital thing, and had to take a pay cut to be able to continue working. This job is far more physically intense so I'm always dead tired.
Because of this, if I ever get any free time I'll be doing adopts again to try to earn some of the money to at least pay off the smaller medical bills. The hospital one I'll deal with as I can. My insurance said they will be covering parts, but I'll have at LEAST $5000 to pay after they do what they can on it. This is on top of my normal every day medicines that are costing me $120 a month, plus bills, plus taking care of my kid and affording gas for work.
So if I'm quite, know that I'm alive, but until life stops kicking me in the crotch for more then a few days, I'll be MIA.
Update...surgery and such coming up
Posted 8 years agoSo the reason I have been so quiet, and the eggs haven't been finished is right after the stomach flu hit me, i woke up with massive pain in my jaw. Went to the doctor and apparently two of my wisdom teeth, which i knew were bad, are now broken open down to the nerves and such. This allowed a massive infection in my jaw and gums. I'm on antibiotics and go in next friday (yes right before memorial day) to get all four wisdom teeth pulled. This is normally a really simple thing, but two of my wisdom teeth are shattered and will have to be taken out piece by piece, one is completely sideways on top of my jaw bone and barely sticking a little piece out of the gums so it will have to be cut out lengthwise, and my last one is grown in at a strange angle and again barely sticking out of the gums so it will ALSO have to be cut out. They said i have great roots, which is good, till a tooth has to be pulled out. They are expecting me to be down at LEAST 4-5 days before the swelling and pain fade enough for me to function, possibly a week or more. I've also been going through a lot of personal issues that resulted in the loss of someone very dear to me so Depression has been keeping me from working much. I will do everything in my power to finish up my art que BEFORE my surgery though so hopefully I will have updates on these characters for you this weekend. Thank you to everyone for being so patient and understanding. it means a lot to me. After surgery I'll be hopefully listing a lot of adopts and YCH's as it's going to cost me well over a grand to have this done, and I don't have the money to pay for it. They take care credit and thank GOD i have a care credit card. But that only gives me six months before i get slammed with crazy high interest on it. So any support right now would be amazing.
To my egg winners and watchers
Posted 8 years agoI'm sorry if I've been super quiet, but I've been really bad sick this week. Got the stomach flu and couldn't hold down food for three days. Getting back to work now and will be updating dropbox links tonight. I also hope to put out several adopts soon, but starting to lose faith in earning any money at adopts or ych's cause no one seems interested anymore.
Away for a week
Posted 8 years agoSo i'm leaving out for home, and I'll be away from my computer for a whole week. I'll only have my phone so I'll try to respond to notes as i can! When I get back I'll be doing some more YCH and adopts!
Character list!
Posted 8 years agoSo...I figure i had better finally do this as I'm getting far to many Characters as of late! ALPHA I BLAME YOU! lol <3 Note, not all art for each character is listed, just my favorite 1-2 and ref sheets.
Silvara Darkrose - This is my fursona, and the only character that IS me. Silver fox, listed on my profile so go check her out.
Eclipse Shadowpaw - My art character. Very dark backstory, so if you don't have a strong stomach, don't ask. Fox with a little bit of equine mixed in. Which is why she has a mane and not hair! https://www.furaffinity.net/view/15378759/ and https://www.furaffinity.net/view/15471004/
Callista - Callista was going to be the first adopt I sold but I couldn't bring myself to do so. She sat around for over a year, and is now one of my favorite characters. She is rather vanilla at this time, choosing to avoid kink. She is a HUGE flurt, and loves to have a good time, though she's loyal to her friends and playmates. https://www.furaffinity.net/view/20065485/ https://www.furaffinity.net/view/20127001/ https://www.furaffinity.net/view/21789178/
Rose - This girl finally has a name! Rose is a half husky half fox cutie. Very submissive, and shy. She doesn't realize just how pretty she is. But she will get there! https://www.furaffinity.net/view/19474683/
Unnamed - So this girl has a possible story coming up, but as of yet has no name! Leave suggestions, and you just might be the one to name her! https://www.furaffinity.net/view/22887285/
Sebastian - This boy happened by pure chance. While making up a random npc i had such a vivid picture of him I just had to create him. So this is Sebastian! He's the personal assistant to Callista, very loyal and professional. He never mixes work and pleasure. He's gay and just went through a bad breakup with his boyfriend. He currently lives with Callista while he recovers. https://www.furaffinity.net/view/22981711/
Ravyn - Ravyn may look like the sweetest little raver pup, quite innocent and nice. But if you are smart you will avoid her. She lives in a city where slavery is legal and has no problem drugging and selling anyone who crosses her into slavery. She's a master at manipulation and can be very cruel at times. Few get to see her darker side, as she hides it well in public or around those she wishes to trust her. https://www.furaffinity.net/view/23238215/
April - April is a young hunter, working with Ravyn. She's the sweetest thing, but be warned. Her job is to find future slaves, and mark them for capture. So get to close and you might wind up in a city you can't escape from. https://www.furaffinity.net/view/23341627/
Saira - This lovely lady is the pup of Eclipse and Clay. The oldest of their litter. Her name means princess and boy is she treated that way. She is the apple of her parent's eyes and their pride and joy. https://www.furaffinity.net/view/25122787/
Trust me there are more coming, as i have another female in the works currently and plans for a few more!
Silvara Darkrose - This is my fursona, and the only character that IS me. Silver fox, listed on my profile so go check her out.
Eclipse Shadowpaw - My art character. Very dark backstory, so if you don't have a strong stomach, don't ask. Fox with a little bit of equine mixed in. Which is why she has a mane and not hair! https://www.furaffinity.net/view/15378759/ and https://www.furaffinity.net/view/15471004/
Callista - Callista was going to be the first adopt I sold but I couldn't bring myself to do so. She sat around for over a year, and is now one of my favorite characters. She is rather vanilla at this time, choosing to avoid kink. She is a HUGE flurt, and loves to have a good time, though she's loyal to her friends and playmates. https://www.furaffinity.net/view/20065485/ https://www.furaffinity.net/view/20127001/ https://www.furaffinity.net/view/21789178/
Rose - This girl finally has a name! Rose is a half husky half fox cutie. Very submissive, and shy. She doesn't realize just how pretty she is. But she will get there! https://www.furaffinity.net/view/19474683/
Unnamed - So this girl has a possible story coming up, but as of yet has no name! Leave suggestions, and you just might be the one to name her! https://www.furaffinity.net/view/22887285/
Sebastian - This boy happened by pure chance. While making up a random npc i had such a vivid picture of him I just had to create him. So this is Sebastian! He's the personal assistant to Callista, very loyal and professional. He never mixes work and pleasure. He's gay and just went through a bad breakup with his boyfriend. He currently lives with Callista while he recovers. https://www.furaffinity.net/view/22981711/
Ravyn - Ravyn may look like the sweetest little raver pup, quite innocent and nice. But if you are smart you will avoid her. She lives in a city where slavery is legal and has no problem drugging and selling anyone who crosses her into slavery. She's a master at manipulation and can be very cruel at times. Few get to see her darker side, as she hides it well in public or around those she wishes to trust her. https://www.furaffinity.net/view/23238215/
April - April is a young hunter, working with Ravyn. She's the sweetest thing, but be warned. Her job is to find future slaves, and mark them for capture. So get to close and you might wind up in a city you can't escape from. https://www.furaffinity.net/view/23341627/
Saira - This lovely lady is the pup of Eclipse and Clay. The oldest of their litter. Her name means princess and boy is she treated that way. She is the apple of her parent's eyes and their pride and joy. https://www.furaffinity.net/view/25122787/
Trust me there are more coming, as i have another female in the works currently and plans for a few more!
I had to share this.
Posted 9 years agoIf you believe windows 10 is wonderful, or you like it, you should look at this. If you hate it, REALLY look at this.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wgKJMsJ-6XU
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wgKJMsJ-6XU
Sample Bars and Upcoming items
Posted 9 years agohttps://www.etsy.com/shop/LadyDarkr.....=hdr_shop_menu
Just posted Sample bars of our soaps, and they have a little sneak preview of our future soaps!
Charcoal swirl, a natural soap colored with activated charcoal and scented with sandlewood and Orange essential oils! Ready to ship around Christmas!
Lavender Gardens, a natural soap that is light purple and scented with lavender essential oil and Lavender buds steeped in water! Topped with more buds to give it a very unique and beautiful look! These will be live on Black Friday!
Come on over and take a look. If I get 10 visits from here on FA I will post a discount coupon for you guys just in time for black Friday!
Just posted Sample bars of our soaps, and they have a little sneak preview of our future soaps!
Charcoal swirl, a natural soap colored with activated charcoal and scented with sandlewood and Orange essential oils! Ready to ship around Christmas!
Lavender Gardens, a natural soap that is light purple and scented with lavender essential oil and Lavender buds steeped in water! Topped with more buds to give it a very unique and beautiful look! These will be live on Black Friday!
Come on over and take a look. If I get 10 visits from here on FA I will post a discount coupon for you guys just in time for black Friday!
Starting a home made business!
Posted 9 years agoSo I decided to turn a hobby into a small business. Starting out on Etsy. Selling home made soap and beauty care items. Right now I only have one listing, but if you know anyone who has really sensitive skin, or dry itchy skin, then you might wanna check it out. Or send me a note here on FA, as I'll be adding new stuff as I get time to make it.
https://www.etsy.com/shop/LadyDarkr.....=hdr_shop_menu
https://www.etsy.com/shop/LadyDarkr.....=hdr_shop_menu
Update - Short Absense
Posted 9 years agoJust an update for you guys. I know I have been rather quiet. Been dealing with sickness, drama, and of course packing for my trip this week. I'll be flying out wed night to go see my Bae, and I cannot wait. I will get back super late Sunday night, but I might be able to post some pictures from our trip when I get back (If he's ok with it of course. ^-^;). When I get back I intend to set aside a night or two every week to get back to work on my art, so you guys should start seeing some uploads by me very soon!
Back. Update and Change of pace.
Posted 9 years agoSo I'm back finally. Here's what all has happened in my absence!
Over the past two months my life has been....crazy. Had a huge falling out with my now ex bf here on FA as well as in RL, and it didn't end well because less then a week after our split, I found out I was pregnant. Shortly after I got all the signs of a miscarriage and went to a doctor as soon after. (cause they can't do shit during, I know as I've already lost one child prior to this, though that one was farther along by about a month and a half or two). They confirmed that it was a miscarriage and did an ultrasound to make sure everything passed naturally and it did. They also decided to go ahead and do my yearly exams and such at this time.
A week after my yearly exam, I got a call. My exam was abnormal, showing a lesion and at least one high risk strain of HPV virus. HPV is naturally occurring in most situations, but the high risk combined with the lesion had them concerned enough to call me and tell me that I might have cancer. Apparently it was a pretty badly abnormal test....soooo...here comes a biopsy to find out. (LONG story here about having to change doctors, and misdiagnosis of other things, and a ton of other stuff that I'd rather not get into. Nothing life threatening, but I really dislike being told "you have this, you need this" Then getting copies of medical records and finding out a doctor CANNOT READ what's in black and white. Nearly got prescribed hormone treatment I did not need. Thank god I'm OCD about health stuff.)
It HURT. I figured getting a chunk of your body CUT OUT would hurt, but OMG was it worse then I ever thought. I pushed through it, and went back to work the very next day, even though I shouldn't have. Results came back at the end of the week, and it wasn't bad enough to be considered cancerous, but bad enough that I have to be checked in six months to make sure it hasn't gotten worse. There are really only three outcomes that can happen. 1) My body fights off the virus naturally, my test will be better in six months and I'll be in the clear. 2) It comes back worse, and they have to go in and cut out all the abnormal cells to prevent cancer and give my body a chance to fight it off. 3) It comes back cancerous next time.
The week after all this, someone very special to me came into town (cause the biopsy and stuff was on the week of my birthday Bleh.) and the four days he was here were honestly amazing. I couldn't be much happier with the trip and our time together. He left to return home, and I'll be flying up to see him in July. We are both considering things, and deciding if it would be best for him to move here, or not, and taking things on a day by day basis.
Needless to say this has all made me take a HUGE step back, to reevaluate my life, and how I look at the world. I've always been in the mindset of this little small town girl that will never amount to anything. That would never leave her home town, never get to see the world. I'd never be more then a low class trailer trash redneck. Yet here I am in a big city, 16+ hours from my old home, with a good job, people who care about me, and I have gotten to see more of the world since moving here then I did in my entire life before hand. I've been to CA and seen the ocean, which was always a dream of mine. I got to drive through several states, that I never thought I would visit, and see things I never dreamed of. I got to see Vegas on the way back from CA. And going through this cancer scare made me realize I'm far stronger now then I used to be.
Before leaving home I was a broken mess of a person. I could barely function due to COPD and Depression. When I wasn't so depressed I couldn't get out of bed, I would be gasping for breath and unable to enjoy life. Now I get up and ride bikes, go for walks, run around at work like I'm actually the right age instead of feeling like I'm a broken down mess. My life has taken a major change, and this has really taught me to cherish the little things. Even though my ex and I split on insanely bad terms, I can look back at it and still cherish the good times we had together. I'm no longer afraid of everyone judging me and criticizing me. I've always been the girl who is blunt, but who seeks approval. Who was afraid to show weakness for fear people would take advantage of it. Now I'm the woman who can stand up and say proudly "Judge me. I am proud of who I am, and if you don't like me, or accept me, then you do not belong in my life. I do not have to live up to your standards. Only my own."
I am returning to art too, though I will be posting several more abstract and unusual for FA pieces. I've come to love doodling again, and not caring if that line is perfect like I did before all this happened. So I'll be throwing up some messy, abstract, or just plain silly works that I do, as I do them, as well as things like Icons. I'm in the middle of working on four separate icons right now, so I'll still be pushing to improve my skills.
For those of you who read this to the end, I want to just say thank you. There are several of you who have supported me for a very long time, and others who have recently stepped up to give me a shoulder, or support if I wanted or needed it. For that I cannot thank you enough. That support has helped me break out of my shell and realize that people can be cruel, but they can also be kind.
Over the past two months my life has been....crazy. Had a huge falling out with my now ex bf here on FA as well as in RL, and it didn't end well because less then a week after our split, I found out I was pregnant. Shortly after I got all the signs of a miscarriage and went to a doctor as soon after. (cause they can't do shit during, I know as I've already lost one child prior to this, though that one was farther along by about a month and a half or two). They confirmed that it was a miscarriage and did an ultrasound to make sure everything passed naturally and it did. They also decided to go ahead and do my yearly exams and such at this time.
A week after my yearly exam, I got a call. My exam was abnormal, showing a lesion and at least one high risk strain of HPV virus. HPV is naturally occurring in most situations, but the high risk combined with the lesion had them concerned enough to call me and tell me that I might have cancer. Apparently it was a pretty badly abnormal test....soooo...here comes a biopsy to find out. (LONG story here about having to change doctors, and misdiagnosis of other things, and a ton of other stuff that I'd rather not get into. Nothing life threatening, but I really dislike being told "you have this, you need this" Then getting copies of medical records and finding out a doctor CANNOT READ what's in black and white. Nearly got prescribed hormone treatment I did not need. Thank god I'm OCD about health stuff.)
It HURT. I figured getting a chunk of your body CUT OUT would hurt, but OMG was it worse then I ever thought. I pushed through it, and went back to work the very next day, even though I shouldn't have. Results came back at the end of the week, and it wasn't bad enough to be considered cancerous, but bad enough that I have to be checked in six months to make sure it hasn't gotten worse. There are really only three outcomes that can happen. 1) My body fights off the virus naturally, my test will be better in six months and I'll be in the clear. 2) It comes back worse, and they have to go in and cut out all the abnormal cells to prevent cancer and give my body a chance to fight it off. 3) It comes back cancerous next time.
The week after all this, someone very special to me came into town (cause the biopsy and stuff was on the week of my birthday Bleh.) and the four days he was here were honestly amazing. I couldn't be much happier with the trip and our time together. He left to return home, and I'll be flying up to see him in July. We are both considering things, and deciding if it would be best for him to move here, or not, and taking things on a day by day basis.
Needless to say this has all made me take a HUGE step back, to reevaluate my life, and how I look at the world. I've always been in the mindset of this little small town girl that will never amount to anything. That would never leave her home town, never get to see the world. I'd never be more then a low class trailer trash redneck. Yet here I am in a big city, 16+ hours from my old home, with a good job, people who care about me, and I have gotten to see more of the world since moving here then I did in my entire life before hand. I've been to CA and seen the ocean, which was always a dream of mine. I got to drive through several states, that I never thought I would visit, and see things I never dreamed of. I got to see Vegas on the way back from CA. And going through this cancer scare made me realize I'm far stronger now then I used to be.
Before leaving home I was a broken mess of a person. I could barely function due to COPD and Depression. When I wasn't so depressed I couldn't get out of bed, I would be gasping for breath and unable to enjoy life. Now I get up and ride bikes, go for walks, run around at work like I'm actually the right age instead of feeling like I'm a broken down mess. My life has taken a major change, and this has really taught me to cherish the little things. Even though my ex and I split on insanely bad terms, I can look back at it and still cherish the good times we had together. I'm no longer afraid of everyone judging me and criticizing me. I've always been the girl who is blunt, but who seeks approval. Who was afraid to show weakness for fear people would take advantage of it. Now I'm the woman who can stand up and say proudly "Judge me. I am proud of who I am, and if you don't like me, or accept me, then you do not belong in my life. I do not have to live up to your standards. Only my own."
I am returning to art too, though I will be posting several more abstract and unusual for FA pieces. I've come to love doodling again, and not caring if that line is perfect like I did before all this happened. So I'll be throwing up some messy, abstract, or just plain silly works that I do, as I do them, as well as things like Icons. I'm in the middle of working on four separate icons right now, so I'll still be pushing to improve my skills.
For those of you who read this to the end, I want to just say thank you. There are several of you who have supported me for a very long time, and others who have recently stepped up to give me a shoulder, or support if I wanted or needed it. For that I cannot thank you enough. That support has helped me break out of my shell and realize that people can be cruel, but they can also be kind.
Update
Posted 9 years agoI'm writing this from work so it will be short. Just got my blood work back. It showed I lost the baby. They are doing an ultrasound next week to make sure everything passed and then I'm getting a more stable birth control if it did. I also found out I have a low testosterone level? I thought that was a male problem not female but I guess not. They said that is likely a big cause of my mood swings and near constant fatigue. They are going to go over options for that at my next appointment. I'm glad this chapter is closing so I can go back to a normal life.
This month is super packed for me too so I likely won't post much art till June. But I still check in so I'll answer notes as usual!
Thank you guys so much for the support. It has meant so much to me. I cannot thank you enough.
This month is super packed for me too so I likely won't post much art till June. But I still check in so I'll answer notes as usual!
Thank you guys so much for the support. It has meant so much to me. I cannot thank you enough.
To much art in progress! lol
Posted 9 years agoSo right now I have four, count them four, icons in the work all at once. So there will be a lot of uploads once I get some time to get back to work on them. Three are on the line work stage, one is on color though I'm considering redrawing parts of it. Might have to stream again before long to get the motivation up to finish them. Harder to slack off when people are watching you o.o;
I'm done.
Posted 9 years agoSo I'll go ahead and tell everyone what is going on.
I took a pregnancy test this week, because of gross things I won't discuss here. It came back positive, and I flipped shit, cause the only guy I have been with since Sept of last year, and I just broke up. It was a faint positive, and I took several tests, all came back the same. I was planning on waiting to tell him until a week or two farther along, when I would have been far enough along that any test, dr or otherwise would show a 100% positive.
Two days later, I started getting really bad pains in my lower stomach, and started bleeding really bad (This was yesterday). Today I'm still bleeding really bad and been having dizzy spells and nearly fainting several times. I'm pale, in pain, and trying to just push through it. But I got scared, and decided to try to go ahead and tell him even though I KNEW it was going to blow up in my face....and boy did it ever.
He refused to see me face to face, and instead insisted on calling. My phone never rang, but I got a voicemail asking me to call him back. So I did, and I told him. I told him everything, and that it was MY problem, MY responsibility, MY issue. He started crying and repeating over and over again that he didn't know what to do. I told him not everything can be fixed. Sometimes you have to just deal with things, cause they can't be fixed or changed, and his mother grabbed the phone.
She verbally attacked me over and over again, demanding that I go to a doctor, and get tests to prove it's his kid, ect. Refused to let him speak for himself, and pretty much told me if I wanted him to be part of any of this I would have to go through HER and her alone. I finally got her to put him on the phone, and he was back to being cold, no tears or anything, and repeated almost word for word what she told him to say before handing him the phone, and I cut him off. I asked a simple question. "If this isn't a miscarriage and I go in and they confirm I'm pregnant did he want to be part of the child's life. To which he responded several times He didn't know, and that I was trying to bully him without giving him choices. I repeated that I was giving him a choice. I do NOT want financial help from him, I do NOT want any assistance from him. If he wants to be part of this situation, then I will bring him into it and he can be part of the child's life. If not, then I would raise it without his help, or involvement. He said He wasn't ready to be a father, and I said "There is my answer, goodbye." He said goodbye, and I hung up.
I'm done being attacked for this. I used birth control. It's not perfect. I haven't been with another man, nor will I be until this is settled. I will not be contacting them with the results. This chapter of my life that included him in any way is closed. I knew there were others behind him, pushing things farther then they should have gone. I just didn't realize the extent until today. So I might soon be a mother of two, or I might be getting major medical work done soon the ensure everything passed without issue. I don't know. All I know is I know my body, I know my life, and I know the truth. If they do not want to see it, let them be blind.
I can stand on my own two feet. I have survived being physically abused, beaten, homeless, and more, and I am stronger for it. This will only continue to make me stronger.
I took a pregnancy test this week, because of gross things I won't discuss here. It came back positive, and I flipped shit, cause the only guy I have been with since Sept of last year, and I just broke up. It was a faint positive, and I took several tests, all came back the same. I was planning on waiting to tell him until a week or two farther along, when I would have been far enough along that any test, dr or otherwise would show a 100% positive.
Two days later, I started getting really bad pains in my lower stomach, and started bleeding really bad (This was yesterday). Today I'm still bleeding really bad and been having dizzy spells and nearly fainting several times. I'm pale, in pain, and trying to just push through it. But I got scared, and decided to try to go ahead and tell him even though I KNEW it was going to blow up in my face....and boy did it ever.
He refused to see me face to face, and instead insisted on calling. My phone never rang, but I got a voicemail asking me to call him back. So I did, and I told him. I told him everything, and that it was MY problem, MY responsibility, MY issue. He started crying and repeating over and over again that he didn't know what to do. I told him not everything can be fixed. Sometimes you have to just deal with things, cause they can't be fixed or changed, and his mother grabbed the phone.
She verbally attacked me over and over again, demanding that I go to a doctor, and get tests to prove it's his kid, ect. Refused to let him speak for himself, and pretty much told me if I wanted him to be part of any of this I would have to go through HER and her alone. I finally got her to put him on the phone, and he was back to being cold, no tears or anything, and repeated almost word for word what she told him to say before handing him the phone, and I cut him off. I asked a simple question. "If this isn't a miscarriage and I go in and they confirm I'm pregnant did he want to be part of the child's life. To which he responded several times He didn't know, and that I was trying to bully him without giving him choices. I repeated that I was giving him a choice. I do NOT want financial help from him, I do NOT want any assistance from him. If he wants to be part of this situation, then I will bring him into it and he can be part of the child's life. If not, then I would raise it without his help, or involvement. He said He wasn't ready to be a father, and I said "There is my answer, goodbye." He said goodbye, and I hung up.
I'm done being attacked for this. I used birth control. It's not perfect. I haven't been with another man, nor will I be until this is settled. I will not be contacting them with the results. This chapter of my life that included him in any way is closed. I knew there were others behind him, pushing things farther then they should have gone. I just didn't realize the extent until today. So I might soon be a mother of two, or I might be getting major medical work done soon the ensure everything passed without issue. I don't know. All I know is I know my body, I know my life, and I know the truth. If they do not want to see it, let them be blind.
I can stand on my own two feet. I have survived being physically abused, beaten, homeless, and more, and I am stronger for it. This will only continue to make me stronger.
Closure and an update on a possible absence for a few days.
Posted 9 years agoToday brought closure to a great many things, and for that I am grateful. Though things were not entirely settled, they were enough that I can feel comfortable with the situation and continue the healing process.
Aiding in this process is the fact that someone near and dear to me, is trying to make a trip to Denver to see me the first weekend of May! Just before my birthday which will make for an amazing b-day gift. So I'll post another journal closer to that time letting you guys know, but if they do come down I will be completely MIA for anywhere from 2-7 days. I'm so excited and looking forward to seeing them again after so many years!
Why do people never keep their word?
Posted 9 years agoI do not understand people sometimes. Why would you give your word about something important, life changing, and that affects another person's health, then not follow through? Is it fear that drives people to go back on their word, or just a lack of basic respect? Is it really so hard to do what you say these days? To injure someone else's health, job, or mental state over things like this is just unfathomable to me. I grew up with a basic code of honor that you follow. I have that honor code carved into my soul, and to change it would be nearly impossible. Some of that code are things like.
Never speak a promise unless you intend to keep it.
Never cheat on someone. If you are willing to cheat, that means you do not love them enough to work through the issues you are having. Just break up with them.
Be true to those you call friend, or family.
Those you call family are not always blood, but the family you choose is stronger then any blood ties. (Yes you can choose blood family too.)
If something is worth having, it is worth fighting for.
If you do not love someone enough to fight for them, they are not meant to be yours.
Resolve conflicts quickly, as time does not heal wounds for all people. For many it actually makes them far worse.
Always make time for those closest to you.
Do not ask for things you are not willing to give in return, such as respect, trust, honesty.
Do not show disrespect to someone unless it is earned. And even then try to be respectful if at all possible.
Are these simple things to much for society today? Maybe it is because of where and how I was raised, in a small town where there was literally nothing to do but go outside and make friends or entertain yourself. Maybe it is because I grew up poor, and earned everything I have owned since the age of 12 (besides basic school clothes and supplies.) Maybe it was being taught responsibility at the ripe age of 9, having to help raise my little sisters. I don't know. But it seems since moving to Colorado that no one I meet has moral values. They are flighty, disrespectful, haughty, rude, and seem to lack a basic honor. And this isn't to say everyone here is like that. I have only been here about a year and I'm not exactly the most social of creatures. But those who have taken the time to get to know me seem to follow this pattern. I wish I understood this better. It's unfathomable to me to even consider acting this way. And every time I meet someone like this, I'm left speechless and in shock that people treat others like that.
I just don't get it...I wish I did.
A poem
Posted 9 years agoBefore anyone throws around any wild ideas, this is how I feel but it's meant to be a karma finger wag. You know the saying. "What goes around comes around." It is not meant to be taken in any violent or threatening way.
Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.
The tears have dried upon my cheeks.
Happiness is not mine to keep.
Anger fills my every cell,
From this week of living hell.
Words so cold from your mouth came,
Killing sensation in a single day.
Disrespect I did not earn.
But don't think I don't feel the burn.
The burn of fire behind my eyes.
A rage that burns and will not die.
A bridge that once stood has been burned.
Trust must once again be earned.
Your selfish views couldn't see,
Beyond your pain to be near me.
To see the pain that I bear too,
But I can look past it to see you.
I see your pain and your tears.
I see you hiding behind your fears.
Running and hiding away at night.
Far to weak to stand and fight.
My gaze is locked straight upon you.
The fires burning for just us two.
Tonight you scorned me, this is true.
Tomorrow? Who knows? It might burn you.
By Eclipse Shadowpaw.
Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.
The tears have dried upon my cheeks.
Happiness is not mine to keep.
Anger fills my every cell,
From this week of living hell.
Words so cold from your mouth came,
Killing sensation in a single day.
Disrespect I did not earn.
But don't think I don't feel the burn.
The burn of fire behind my eyes.
A rage that burns and will not die.
A bridge that once stood has been burned.
Trust must once again be earned.
Your selfish views couldn't see,
Beyond your pain to be near me.
To see the pain that I bear too,
But I can look past it to see you.
I see your pain and your tears.
I see you hiding behind your fears.
Running and hiding away at night.
Far to weak to stand and fight.
My gaze is locked straight upon you.
The fires burning for just us two.
Tonight you scorned me, this is true.
Tomorrow? Who knows? It might burn you.
By Eclipse Shadowpaw.
Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.
Posted 9 years agoI wrote a poem a short while ago, saying how I feel right now and I posted it. But I took it down because I think the title of this journal pretty much says all. I'm no longer depressed, I'm angry.
I Deserve better then being Disrespected.
I Deserve better then someone who ignores my feelings, and desires.
I Deserve someone who cares enough not to run the moment things aren't perfect.
I Deserve someone who takes sound advice, not just reacts on some random websites advice.
I Deserve someone who loves me in my life.
I AM better then this situation.
I AM Strong enough to stand on my own two feet.
I AM DONE being told what I can and cannot do by someone I am not longer with!
I Will Not be put on a leash for your comfort.
I Will Not be restricted in where I can go because you demand it.
I Will Not be disrespected again.
I Will Not put my feelings aside so you can feel better about yourself.
I Will Not hold my tongue about how I feel because you see it as a personal attack even when the words spoken have nothing to do with you.
If that isn't agreeable to you, that is your problem, not mine. You set the fire, I just watched it burn from the other side of the bridge.
I Deserve better then being Disrespected.
I Deserve better then someone who ignores my feelings, and desires.
I Deserve someone who cares enough not to run the moment things aren't perfect.
I Deserve someone who takes sound advice, not just reacts on some random websites advice.
I Deserve someone who loves me in my life.
I AM better then this situation.
I AM Strong enough to stand on my own two feet.
I AM DONE being told what I can and cannot do by someone I am not longer with!
I Will Not be put on a leash for your comfort.
I Will Not be restricted in where I can go because you demand it.
I Will Not be disrespected again.
I Will Not put my feelings aside so you can feel better about yourself.
I Will Not hold my tongue about how I feel because you see it as a personal attack even when the words spoken have nothing to do with you.
If that isn't agreeable to you, that is your problem, not mine. You set the fire, I just watched it burn from the other side of the bridge.
Lazy gets the best of me.
Posted 9 years agoI doubt anyone will read this. lol. Most people don't seem to read my journals, or if they do they rarely respond. But I realized that with art at least, I have a horrible lazy streak, and I'm trying to push through that. Most of my art that I posted has been really crappy to be honest. At least the stuff I did myself. That wolf icon example is the first time in years I've really pushed myself. I have 0 confidence in my drawing on a tablet. I keep catching myself going for the line tool cause I can't get that stupid line straight, or that curve just right. And that's just plain lazy...I had to stop myself at least 40 times on that icon alone, from using my line tool to fix something. So the next piece I put up, will likely be an icon I'm working on for myself. Don't know if I will ever use it, but I have already started on it tonight. It doesn't look bad, just really rough right now.
I really really want to improve my ability to draw digitally. So the support my mate and my closest friends have shown is really encouraging. It makes me want to step farther out of my comfort zone and really push myself. Right now I know drawing full bodies is WAY outta my league. I SUCK at anatomy and getting it right. So I'm working on Icons. I'll probably do a few paw drawings before long as well, and probably hands too, to try to work on things one piece at a time till I'm ready to combine them into a full body piece.
Anyone who reads this, is more then welcome to give me tips on how to beat the lazy bug. Cause I'm fighting it like a true vixen, with teeth bared.
I really really want to improve my ability to draw digitally. So the support my mate and my closest friends have shown is really encouraging. It makes me want to step farther out of my comfort zone and really push myself. Right now I know drawing full bodies is WAY outta my league. I SUCK at anatomy and getting it right. So I'm working on Icons. I'll probably do a few paw drawings before long as well, and probably hands too, to try to work on things one piece at a time till I'm ready to combine them into a full body piece.
Anyone who reads this, is more then welcome to give me tips on how to beat the lazy bug. Cause I'm fighting it like a true vixen, with teeth bared.
Looking for Volunteers. Possible free art
Posted 9 years agoSo I want to get into drawing my own stuff more. But this also means needing someone to draw other then eclipse and dab. Soooo....I'm looking for volunteers. Here's the rules.
1) Reply to this journal with the following information.
2) Know that I will be doing these as I feel the urge, and likely will not tell the people I chose until I have something concrete to show them. By replying with the above info you are giving me permission to use your character to make an icon as I see fit.
3) These are FREE if I choose your character. If you want to tip me for it, or such, send me a note or grab my email address from my main page.
4) Know that I will not choose everyone who reply. I do not know yet if I will be selecting these using a random generator, or just by characters I think I can do justice to.
I really want to practice, and get better, and Icons are something I feel comfortable doing right now.
Note: Anyone who doesn't choose a style, I will assume it's artists choice. These are for practice so if I do one you don't like, it never has to be posted on my page or your own!
1) Reply to this journal with the following information.
1) Character Reference Art (I suck with descriptions...sorry!)
2) Style (Silly, Happy, Sexy, normal, artist choice, ect)
2) Know that I will be doing these as I feel the urge, and likely will not tell the people I chose until I have something concrete to show them. By replying with the above info you are giving me permission to use your character to make an icon as I see fit.
3) These are FREE if I choose your character. If you want to tip me for it, or such, send me a note or grab my email address from my main page.
4) Know that I will not choose everyone who reply. I do not know yet if I will be selecting these using a random generator, or just by characters I think I can do justice to.
I really want to practice, and get better, and Icons are something I feel comfortable doing right now.
Note: Anyone who doesn't choose a style, I will assume it's artists choice. These are for practice so if I do one you don't like, it never has to be posted on my page or your own!
Looking for a Mentor/Teacher
Posted 9 years agoLinework has never really been my strong point. And I know this. But that doesn't mean I cannot improve in other areas. Some of the things I really need a tutor on are things like
1) how to properly resize an icon so it doesn't lose all it's details.
2) how to start learning really detailed shading. I can do basic shading, not detailed.
3) Tricks to improve my linework. most of it is done through a line tool, because my hand drawn lines on a tablet are so shaky. I do decent on paper, but I can't seem to translate that fully onto a tablet yet.
I'm open to any help, and before you say "go look up a youtube or a tutorial online" or "That's what google is for." I do WAY better with a live mentor, then I do trying to follow steps on a youtube or through reading text. I currently use Clip Studio Paint Pro, and a Huion H610 pro tablet.
1) how to properly resize an icon so it doesn't lose all it's details.
2) how to start learning really detailed shading. I can do basic shading, not detailed.
3) Tricks to improve my linework. most of it is done through a line tool, because my hand drawn lines on a tablet are so shaky. I do decent on paper, but I can't seem to translate that fully onto a tablet yet.
I'm open to any help, and before you say "go look up a youtube or a tutorial online" or "That's what google is for." I do WAY better with a live mentor, then I do trying to follow steps on a youtube or through reading text. I currently use Clip Studio Paint Pro, and a Huion H610 pro tablet.
Does anyone even read journals anymore?
Posted 9 years agoJust wondering. When I took my break from FA, people actually responded to my journals when I asked questions and stuff. Since my return no one has made a single reply to the last 6 journals, even the ones that ask questions. So....What happened guys?
What do you guys want to see?
Posted 9 years agoSo I've been wracking my brain, trying to figure out stuff you guys might like! Give me some ideas. And yes they can be super specific like "Make your adopts a set price of $** instead of an auction" or "I want to see a neon green adopt with black hair and black underbelly!" Also I have the bdsm base to do YCH or commissions with, so if you guys wanna see that let me know. Just would really like some feedback!
That time of year....
Posted 9 years agoWhen all the bills of the previous year sneak up to bite you while you wait impatiently for your tax return. So....since I still have a lot of debt from moving to CO and being unemployed for 4 months last year, added to the fact that I'm making way less now, I'll be doing several adopts and some YCH art in the coming months. I'm also open to do ref sheets for anyone who is interested.
Thank you to every single watcher I have. You guys have stuck with me through nearly a year of inactivity and have been so supportive. It really means a lot to me!
Thank you to every single watcher I have. You guys have stuck with me through nearly a year of inactivity and have been so supportive. It really means a lot to me!