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Posted 9 years agowhat (nsfw) pokemon should I do next?
fired?
Posted 9 years agoEDIT: called work. boss said the higher ups that ordered the lay offs were gona be in all week and he's hoping they'll actually see how having half a crew has hurt their numbers. so, maybe I'll be getting back to work later this week, start of next week.
I've possibly been terminated...
pulled up my profile on the company website and it says "Status: Terminated."
still going to call, but...
I don't think I'll be able to get a job any time soon....
I've possibly been terminated...
pulled up my profile on the company website and it says "Status: Terminated."
still going to call, but...
I don't think I'll be able to get a job any time soon....
my mind
Posted 10 years agoI admitted something to a coworker about myself in an attempt to cheer him up/help him out. when I told a friend about it for laughs he... gave me problems(?) about it.
my coworker has a crush on a new employee and he keeps saying how hard it is to talk to her. I told him I approach every interaction with the belief that I have no chance, that I will never be good enough. it makes it easier for me to be casual with women, especially with women I find insanely attractive.
my friend said "that's depressing as fuck. where'd that come from?" when I was a teen I asked a lot of women out. shot down every time. I got so low I'd ask if I even had a chance, not even asking them out anymore. the few times I did it they said "yea, I don't see why not." yet when it came up I was forgotten. like usual.
he did what every one else says when I talk about the inner workings of my mind: says some half-assed bullshit about going through the same thing and that it didn't cause him that many problems.
I was timid and emotional. everything I did was wrong. every mistake I made a fucking catastrophe. I'm still fairly emotional and I want support and help, but I hate bringing it up anymore because everyone treats me like a piece of shit when I say anything. even the people who claim to be my friends belittle me and refuse to understand things from my perspective. whether I'm sensitive to it or I picked it up from watching people from the social gutters, I recognize body language and inflection and facial features and when these people make me feel broken and wrong and worthless through these postures and movements... what am I supposed to do? I get angry and close up because once again I've opened myself up to someone I thought I could trust and instead of helping me they throw salt on it.
I try to ask for help but get insulted instead. divulge a part of how I keep myself safe and I'm ridiculed. and all you fucks expect me to think with my dick and open myself up to every woman I find attractive with no regard to how it would affect ME and when I want to think about my own well-being I'm called stupid and selfish and.....
I just desperately want to destroy something and cry all at the same time.... I can't explain myself simply enough for anyone to understand. but I can't cry... nobody is willing to help me heal. I don't know how to heal myself. guess I'm just broken and worthless...
I don't wanna live anymore. I just wanna be dead...
my coworker has a crush on a new employee and he keeps saying how hard it is to talk to her. I told him I approach every interaction with the belief that I have no chance, that I will never be good enough. it makes it easier for me to be casual with women, especially with women I find insanely attractive.
my friend said "that's depressing as fuck. where'd that come from?" when I was a teen I asked a lot of women out. shot down every time. I got so low I'd ask if I even had a chance, not even asking them out anymore. the few times I did it they said "yea, I don't see why not." yet when it came up I was forgotten. like usual.
he did what every one else says when I talk about the inner workings of my mind: says some half-assed bullshit about going through the same thing and that it didn't cause him that many problems.
I was timid and emotional. everything I did was wrong. every mistake I made a fucking catastrophe. I'm still fairly emotional and I want support and help, but I hate bringing it up anymore because everyone treats me like a piece of shit when I say anything. even the people who claim to be my friends belittle me and refuse to understand things from my perspective. whether I'm sensitive to it or I picked it up from watching people from the social gutters, I recognize body language and inflection and facial features and when these people make me feel broken and wrong and worthless through these postures and movements... what am I supposed to do? I get angry and close up because once again I've opened myself up to someone I thought I could trust and instead of helping me they throw salt on it.
I try to ask for help but get insulted instead. divulge a part of how I keep myself safe and I'm ridiculed. and all you fucks expect me to think with my dick and open myself up to every woman I find attractive with no regard to how it would affect ME and when I want to think about my own well-being I'm called stupid and selfish and.....
I just desperately want to destroy something and cry all at the same time.... I can't explain myself simply enough for anyone to understand. but I can't cry... nobody is willing to help me heal. I don't know how to heal myself. guess I'm just broken and worthless...
I don't wanna live anymore. I just wanna be dead...
inhale
Posted 10 years agoAll I want in a relationship is intimacy. For someone to love me and to love them in turn.
But I don't know how. I can comprehend it and quantify it but I don't know how to do it. Because I've never had it. The closest I've come to it was a deep affection with a woman I had known for 6 years. I've seen people experience it.
read about it.
But never really felt it.
I was in a car crash when I was 7. hospitalization and severe surgery. I survived and everyone thought I was good.
Then they found out I had memory problems and disassociation. But they did nothing about it. Said I'd more or less out grow it.
I haven't.
Over the next 10 years I was mentally and emotionally beaten. Other kids treated me like shit. So did the teachers. When I had problems in school it was my fault. “why are your grades so bad?” I don't understand the information. “then why didn't you ask for help?” I did. They said I wasn't paying attention. “why don't you ask for help at home, then?” because my mom doesn't know.
Growing up my mom didn't teach me anything except how she wanted me to behave.
Be quiet.
Don't move.
Do what I tell you.
You're a child. You have no right to an opinion.
Be nice to people.
Put others before yourself.
Don't talk back.
When I was frustrated or angry I couldn't do or say anything about it. I wasn't allowed to be angry.
My “father figure” was whoever my mother was dating and my grandfather.
They didn't teach me anything, either.
The only thing I learned from them was how NOT to behave.
Any time I tried to do things for myself I was wrong. I'm a failure. I'm not good enough. I'm an idiot.
Any time I was passionate about something I was ridiculed. I'm stupid. It looks like shit. This is crap. This is worthless. You are wasting time, money, resources.
The only things I know how to feel now are joy, sorrow, anger and nothing. I don't like feeling nothing, but joy only last so long. And sorrow and anger have so many triggers.
I don't know how to interact with people aside from how a servant might interact with a master.
You look nice.
Lovely outfit.
Have a nice day.
Please and thank you.
Can I help you with something?
I don't understand life. How people do anything.
I hear about people that experienced love at first sight.
That's impossible.
Others say they've know each other for years.
Nobody want's to be around me that long.
I've seen and met some beautiful, wonderful women.
Hi. I think you're beautiful and interesting and I would like to get to know you better. Is that okay?
I can't say it, though, as much as I'd like to. Either I get a look of contempt or no answer at all.
They always already have someone else, anyway. Or they're not interested in being with anyone at all.
I've told people about myself as an unbiased concept.
“oh my god, that sounds amazing!”
can I have a chance?
“no. I don't know you.”
can we spend time together so we can get to know one another?
“no. I'm interested in someone else I met before you.”
can I at least be your friend?
…..
no response.
I was told friends do things for one another. Help with work. In life. In love.
I've asked friends for help.
No response.
I've held one job. Nobody would hire me because I have nothing.
Finally got one because I had a friend already working there.
Hiring manager tells me she wouldn't have given me a chance in his name hadn't been on my application. Because I had nothing.
Still can't get other work. Nobody wants to train. I don't match their personality archetype.
I can't get anything because I am nothing.
Everyone who asks for help gets it. Except me. They have people who support them; are there for them.
There's no one here for me.
It'll get better
hang in there
be yourself
keep your chin up
change your attitude
be positive
think about what you have
these don't help. these hurt.
It's hot air that fills a balloon. And when it bursts those voices judge. They condemn because I don't accept what they perceive as help.
Everyone seems to have an actual person there to pick them up when they are down. To guide them when it's dark.
I'm alone in darkness. Dots of light twinkle in the distance and no matter how far or fast I travel none of them come closer.
One might pass me by and bring some light for a small amount of time.
But soon leave me alone in the dark once again.
Then there's the islands. People who are self reliant, needing nobody as they live their lives. People come and go and they remain unaffected.
I'm far from that.
I've been alone and mistreated for so long that I can't trust anyone. I keep myself locked away. I know that if they stay long enough I would be willing to open up. Let them in.
they don't stay. Because when I don't open up when and how they want they discard me. Like something that's not worth their time.
When I get down deep I want to lash out. Break. Burn. Destroy.
But I can't.
My training is too complete.
Right now I hope that's what I need to fix whatever it is that's wrong with me.
Someone who has patience and is willing to be there long enough for me to open up and make me feel something better than worthless. Because I can't do that on my own. Others made me build the walls around me and it's locked from the inside.
But there's the key to my pain. Hope. The light I've been told to go to. When everything gets better.
I'd have probably killed myself a long, long time ago if not for that illusory promise of a better future. I hope for it. And still I suffer. But I still hope.
I wonder how much longer it'll last...
But I don't know how. I can comprehend it and quantify it but I don't know how to do it. Because I've never had it. The closest I've come to it was a deep affection with a woman I had known for 6 years. I've seen people experience it.
read about it.
But never really felt it.
I was in a car crash when I was 7. hospitalization and severe surgery. I survived and everyone thought I was good.
Then they found out I had memory problems and disassociation. But they did nothing about it. Said I'd more or less out grow it.
I haven't.
Over the next 10 years I was mentally and emotionally beaten. Other kids treated me like shit. So did the teachers. When I had problems in school it was my fault. “why are your grades so bad?” I don't understand the information. “then why didn't you ask for help?” I did. They said I wasn't paying attention. “why don't you ask for help at home, then?” because my mom doesn't know.
Growing up my mom didn't teach me anything except how she wanted me to behave.
Be quiet.
Don't move.
Do what I tell you.
You're a child. You have no right to an opinion.
Be nice to people.
Put others before yourself.
Don't talk back.
When I was frustrated or angry I couldn't do or say anything about it. I wasn't allowed to be angry.
My “father figure” was whoever my mother was dating and my grandfather.
They didn't teach me anything, either.
The only thing I learned from them was how NOT to behave.
Any time I tried to do things for myself I was wrong. I'm a failure. I'm not good enough. I'm an idiot.
Any time I was passionate about something I was ridiculed. I'm stupid. It looks like shit. This is crap. This is worthless. You are wasting time, money, resources.
The only things I know how to feel now are joy, sorrow, anger and nothing. I don't like feeling nothing, but joy only last so long. And sorrow and anger have so many triggers.
I don't know how to interact with people aside from how a servant might interact with a master.
You look nice.
Lovely outfit.
Have a nice day.
Please and thank you.
Can I help you with something?
I don't understand life. How people do anything.
I hear about people that experienced love at first sight.
That's impossible.
Others say they've know each other for years.
Nobody want's to be around me that long.
I've seen and met some beautiful, wonderful women.
Hi. I think you're beautiful and interesting and I would like to get to know you better. Is that okay?
I can't say it, though, as much as I'd like to. Either I get a look of contempt or no answer at all.
They always already have someone else, anyway. Or they're not interested in being with anyone at all.
I've told people about myself as an unbiased concept.
“oh my god, that sounds amazing!”
can I have a chance?
“no. I don't know you.”
can we spend time together so we can get to know one another?
“no. I'm interested in someone else I met before you.”
can I at least be your friend?
…..
no response.
I was told friends do things for one another. Help with work. In life. In love.
I've asked friends for help.
No response.
I've held one job. Nobody would hire me because I have nothing.
Finally got one because I had a friend already working there.
Hiring manager tells me she wouldn't have given me a chance in his name hadn't been on my application. Because I had nothing.
Still can't get other work. Nobody wants to train. I don't match their personality archetype.
I can't get anything because I am nothing.
Everyone who asks for help gets it. Except me. They have people who support them; are there for them.
There's no one here for me.
It'll get better
hang in there
be yourself
keep your chin up
change your attitude
be positive
think about what you have
these don't help. these hurt.
It's hot air that fills a balloon. And when it bursts those voices judge. They condemn because I don't accept what they perceive as help.
Everyone seems to have an actual person there to pick them up when they are down. To guide them when it's dark.
I'm alone in darkness. Dots of light twinkle in the distance and no matter how far or fast I travel none of them come closer.
One might pass me by and bring some light for a small amount of time.
But soon leave me alone in the dark once again.
Then there's the islands. People who are self reliant, needing nobody as they live their lives. People come and go and they remain unaffected.
I'm far from that.
I've been alone and mistreated for so long that I can't trust anyone. I keep myself locked away. I know that if they stay long enough I would be willing to open up. Let them in.
they don't stay. Because when I don't open up when and how they want they discard me. Like something that's not worth their time.
When I get down deep I want to lash out. Break. Burn. Destroy.
But I can't.
My training is too complete.
Right now I hope that's what I need to fix whatever it is that's wrong with me.
Someone who has patience and is willing to be there long enough for me to open up and make me feel something better than worthless. Because I can't do that on my own. Others made me build the walls around me and it's locked from the inside.
But there's the key to my pain. Hope. The light I've been told to go to. When everything gets better.
I'd have probably killed myself a long, long time ago if not for that illusory promise of a better future. I hope for it. And still I suffer. But I still hope.
I wonder how much longer it'll last...
fucking art...
Posted 10 years agoI think there's only so much you can do before you can't advance anymore without some external force imparting some ability onto you and I'm afraid I've hit it...
I've never been very good drawing people, and at this point anatomy can only get me so far. I've been trying for the past couple days to do figure drawing stuff and using the new armature I bought and it all just looks like shit... nothing looks right, proportions are all over the place and body parts just don't line up the way they should. and i haven't even gotten to doing detail work. gods, the last time I did detail work that was amazing (let alone good enough to be proud of) was an eye and that was some time last year. I can do monster stuff okay but even then, when I get to coloring; fuck all, it just looks bad. it's sloppy, the colors are bland as hell...
I don't want to stop drawing, but without some real help I don't think I'll be able to get anywhere... ;~; all anyone says is the same bullshit of "keep going" "you'll get better" "do this/that" or they tell me to go to some site that's supposed to help but is complete trash and.... it's just tearing me down... I don't have anything to draw and any time I do have the urge it never comes out right; so what the fuck should I do? TT^TT I can't help but get frustrated and start crying and I feel like all I've done is just an utter waste... just like me.....
....fuck...
I've never been very good drawing people, and at this point anatomy can only get me so far. I've been trying for the past couple days to do figure drawing stuff and using the new armature I bought and it all just looks like shit... nothing looks right, proportions are all over the place and body parts just don't line up the way they should. and i haven't even gotten to doing detail work. gods, the last time I did detail work that was amazing (let alone good enough to be proud of) was an eye and that was some time last year. I can do monster stuff okay but even then, when I get to coloring; fuck all, it just looks bad. it's sloppy, the colors are bland as hell...
I don't want to stop drawing, but without some real help I don't think I'll be able to get anywhere... ;~; all anyone says is the same bullshit of "keep going" "you'll get better" "do this/that" or they tell me to go to some site that's supposed to help but is complete trash and.... it's just tearing me down... I don't have anything to draw and any time I do have the urge it never comes out right; so what the fuck should I do? TT^TT I can't help but get frustrated and start crying and I feel like all I've done is just an utter waste... just like me.....
....fuck...
something new
Posted 10 years agoi got a new tattoo!! =) i need to wait til tomorrow to show it off, though.
Depressed Rant
Posted 11 years agoThis is kind of a rant in the people department.
See, I have problem with people... I don't have anything to do, really, so I don't go out much... And when I do I'm generally nice to people (in the odd chance I interact with them) and I can even muster up the courage to comment or complement about something on occasion.
But I'm just not any good at making friends... Yes, I've made friends that are women, but I just never have a chance. They're usually already with someone and when they're not... I just can't seem to make a connection past similar interests (if I'm even THAT lucky).
How the hell am I supposed to convey interest without looking like a total fucking imbecile? Every time I've opened up to someone about liking them they tell me someone else they know has already asked them out and are going to hook up with them. Or I'm just breaching the friend line and someone else pops into the picture and all of a sudden I'm completely forgotten.
Like I'm invisible...
Therein lies my major problem, I guess... I'm just too fucking invisible.
Never seen.
Never heard.
Unless someone wants something from me, of course.
That seems to be the way my life is; not wanted or needed until someone remembers "oh, yea, Rob knows/has this." Then I'm thrown aside like an unwanted toy...
I tend to joke, be comedic, in general be as funny as I can to make others laugh and smile...
But honestly... I'm pretty much always depressed.
I don't have Depression, I'll say that right now. Even on my worst days I still function, though more like an automaton than a jester.
I'm not expecting a whole lot out of this, I just needed to get it out... (another perk of this life, I guess, is low expectations...)
See, I have problem with people... I don't have anything to do, really, so I don't go out much... And when I do I'm generally nice to people (in the odd chance I interact with them) and I can even muster up the courage to comment or complement about something on occasion.
But I'm just not any good at making friends... Yes, I've made friends that are women, but I just never have a chance. They're usually already with someone and when they're not... I just can't seem to make a connection past similar interests (if I'm even THAT lucky).
How the hell am I supposed to convey interest without looking like a total fucking imbecile? Every time I've opened up to someone about liking them they tell me someone else they know has already asked them out and are going to hook up with them. Or I'm just breaching the friend line and someone else pops into the picture and all of a sudden I'm completely forgotten.
Like I'm invisible...
Therein lies my major problem, I guess... I'm just too fucking invisible.
Never seen.
Never heard.
Unless someone wants something from me, of course.
That seems to be the way my life is; not wanted or needed until someone remembers "oh, yea, Rob knows/has this." Then I'm thrown aside like an unwanted toy...
I tend to joke, be comedic, in general be as funny as I can to make others laugh and smile...
But honestly... I'm pretty much always depressed.
I don't have Depression, I'll say that right now. Even on my worst days I still function, though more like an automaton than a jester.
I'm not expecting a whole lot out of this, I just needed to get it out... (another perk of this life, I guess, is low expectations...)
the rain has come at last!!!
Posted 11 years agowhere i live the rainy season is also known as the cuddle season. =3
-is lonely- i just wish i had someone to cuddle with...
-is lonely- i just wish i had someone to cuddle with...
Gender-Neutral Pronouns
Posted 11 years agoI have recently finished reading a book that introduced me to something that I believe should be adopted.
In the book, there is a society that has advanced gene-altering capabilities. Gender is rendered practically cosmetic and can be changed swiftly and easily. As such, they have taken up the use of gender-neutral pronouns. The two used in the novel are "Ze" and "Hir."
Only having knowledge of the English language I can't make suggestions for the other tongues, but I believe we English speakers should strive to adopt at least a passing use for these pronouns. In the growing debate and conflict involving sexuality and gender identity I feel this small addition could help people interact easier without worry of insulting others.
Yes, there will no doubt be some who are insulted and take offence when its use crops up in conversation, but in my experience people can throw claims of insults and offence regardless of subject, no matter how trivial simply because it forces them to engage with something not of their world-view or said subject, in some minute, completely irrelevant way, does not meet equally with their standards.
From the little that I have researched, attempts to use gender-neutral pronouns have largely fallen on deaf ears and mute lips simply because incorporating new words into a language is taxing and cumbersome when other, albeit awkward, words exist already.
Well, from here-on out I am going to try and keep these gender-neutral pronouns in mind and exercise their use when and where I can.
Will you join me? =)
In the book, there is a society that has advanced gene-altering capabilities. Gender is rendered practically cosmetic and can be changed swiftly and easily. As such, they have taken up the use of gender-neutral pronouns. The two used in the novel are "Ze" and "Hir."
Only having knowledge of the English language I can't make suggestions for the other tongues, but I believe we English speakers should strive to adopt at least a passing use for these pronouns. In the growing debate and conflict involving sexuality and gender identity I feel this small addition could help people interact easier without worry of insulting others.
Yes, there will no doubt be some who are insulted and take offence when its use crops up in conversation, but in my experience people can throw claims of insults and offence regardless of subject, no matter how trivial simply because it forces them to engage with something not of their world-view or said subject, in some minute, completely irrelevant way, does not meet equally with their standards.
From the little that I have researched, attempts to use gender-neutral pronouns have largely fallen on deaf ears and mute lips simply because incorporating new words into a language is taxing and cumbersome when other, albeit awkward, words exist already.
Well, from here-on out I am going to try and keep these gender-neutral pronouns in mind and exercise their use when and where I can.
Will you join me? =)
depression
Posted 11 years agoi really need to get this off my chest...
i see people together, on the streets, online, what have you, and it makes me depressed... i've never had that. not someone to wander with, cuddle with... nothing... i've been with a couple ladies that might have had a little of it, but it's never <i>felt</i> right. every time i see someone i find attractive (both physically and for her interests and personality) i think "will she like me? will she even notice me??" and yea, i can strike up a conversation as well as any average person can, but every time i just... i don't even register. i'm not remembered or acknowledged. i'm not even seen... on rare occations i also have this thought of "this person is so amazing and cool and beautiful... and i am so not in her league. there's not a snowball's chance in HELL i have a chance at a girl as great as her." and in every one of those situations i'll just go about enjoying her company; trying to make her laugh or smile with my weird brand of humor. hoping at some point she might say something positive about my company or give some sign she finds me attractive...
i see people together, on the streets, online, what have you, and it makes me depressed... i've never had that. not someone to wander with, cuddle with... nothing... i've been with a couple ladies that might have had a little of it, but it's never <i>felt</i> right. every time i see someone i find attractive (both physically and for her interests and personality) i think "will she like me? will she even notice me??" and yea, i can strike up a conversation as well as any average person can, but every time i just... i don't even register. i'm not remembered or acknowledged. i'm not even seen... on rare occations i also have this thought of "this person is so amazing and cool and beautiful... and i am so not in her league. there's not a snowball's chance in HELL i have a chance at a girl as great as her." and in every one of those situations i'll just go about enjoying her company; trying to make her laugh or smile with my weird brand of humor. hoping at some point she might say something positive about my company or give some sign she finds me attractive...
30 Day Pokemon Challenge
Posted 12 years agoi'll be doing the 30 Day Pokemon Challenge in an attempt to do something artsy and potentially improve my art skills.
Day 01: Favorite Pokemon - http://www.furaffinity.net/view/11902642/
Day 02: Least favorite Pokemon - http://www.furaffinity.net/view/11917119/
Day 03: Favorite starter Pokemon - http://www.furaffinity.net/view/11961351/
Day 04: Favorite Eeveelution - http://www.furaffinity.net/view/12123187/
Day 05: Favorite legendary Pokemon - http://www.furaffinity.net/view/12123225/
Day 06: Most terrifying Pokemon - http://www.furaffinity.net/view/12193801/
Day 07: Most adorable Pokemon - http://www.furaffinity.net/view/12249132/
Day 08: Most amusing Pokemon
Day 09: Favorite Pokemon type
Day 10: Least favorite Pokemon type
Day 11: Favorite new Pokemon from Black & White
Day 12: Favorite Pokemon attack or move
Day 13: If you lived in the Pokemon world, what would you be?
Day 14: If you were a gym leader, what would be your specialty?
Day 15: Favorite region in the Pokemon world
Day 16: If you could live anywhere in the Pokemon world, where would it be?
Day 17: If you could be any Pokemon, what would you be?
Day 18: Favorite Gym Leader
Day 19: Favorite Elite 4 member/Champion
Day 20: Favorite Pokemon Professor
Day 21: Favorite Pokemon bad guys
Day 22: Favorite Rival
Day 23: A Pokemon which reminds you of a friend
Day 24: A Pokemon you'd find useful in real-life
Day 25: A Pokemon based on your favorite animal
Day 26: A Pokemon that is your favorite colour
Day 27: Favorite Pokemon game
Day 28: What did you nickname your rival?
Day 29: Favorite Pokemon tune or song
Day 30: Most nostalgic element of Pokemon
Day 01: Favorite Pokemon - http://www.furaffinity.net/view/11902642/
Day 02: Least favorite Pokemon - http://www.furaffinity.net/view/11917119/
Day 03: Favorite starter Pokemon - http://www.furaffinity.net/view/11961351/
Day 04: Favorite Eeveelution - http://www.furaffinity.net/view/12123187/
Day 05: Favorite legendary Pokemon - http://www.furaffinity.net/view/12123225/
Day 06: Most terrifying Pokemon - http://www.furaffinity.net/view/12193801/
Day 07: Most adorable Pokemon - http://www.furaffinity.net/view/12249132/
Day 08: Most amusing Pokemon
Day 09: Favorite Pokemon type
Day 10: Least favorite Pokemon type
Day 11: Favorite new Pokemon from Black & White
Day 12: Favorite Pokemon attack or move
Day 13: If you lived in the Pokemon world, what would you be?
Day 14: If you were a gym leader, what would be your specialty?
Day 15: Favorite region in the Pokemon world
Day 16: If you could live anywhere in the Pokemon world, where would it be?
Day 17: If you could be any Pokemon, what would you be?
Day 18: Favorite Gym Leader
Day 19: Favorite Elite 4 member/Champion
Day 20: Favorite Pokemon Professor
Day 21: Favorite Pokemon bad guys
Day 22: Favorite Rival
Day 23: A Pokemon which reminds you of a friend
Day 24: A Pokemon you'd find useful in real-life
Day 25: A Pokemon based on your favorite animal
Day 26: A Pokemon that is your favorite colour
Day 27: Favorite Pokemon game
Day 28: What did you nickname your rival?
Day 29: Favorite Pokemon tune or song
Day 30: Most nostalgic element of Pokemon
Artistic Madness
Posted 12 years agoi consider myself as a struggling novice artist. no matter how good others say my work looks, i can't take any joy or pride from it because of my insecurities and how much i fight to simply DRAW the damned things...
one of the "steps" every... well, thorough, i guess would be a good word for it... every thorough art tutorial i read states you have to start rough, non-committal, general. and i've fought with that step because i've been a "finish, polish, then rough-if-i-must" kinda person. well... i've figured a way to force myself to draw rough first. and i guarantee all who read this it's gonna make you laugh when your read it. =B
i'll draw my rough LEFT-HANDED!!! XD
so, yea, i thought that little attempt at artistic creativity might get a chuckle out of some of you. ^^
one of the "steps" every... well, thorough, i guess would be a good word for it... every thorough art tutorial i read states you have to start rough, non-committal, general. and i've fought with that step because i've been a "finish, polish, then rough-if-i-must" kinda person. well... i've figured a way to force myself to draw rough first. and i guarantee all who read this it's gonna make you laugh when your read it. =B
i'll draw my rough LEFT-HANDED!!! XD
so, yea, i thought that little attempt at artistic creativity might get a chuckle out of some of you. ^^
No Subject
Posted 12 years agowhy can't anything work out in my favor...? i get this great opportunity handed to me, but i have to be perfect; this fucking bar is set so high that i have no chance of reaching it. why can't i get a break...? others get so many second chances and i can't even get one....
maybe i was supposed to die in that crash. it seems like life has been pushing my mom and me so far and the only way we can catch a break is to die... it's not like we've influenced anything... no one's life has been effected in any large amount by our living... with my death my mom would have probably killed herself long ago. she's even admitted as much. i just don't want to deal with this shit anymore, but i can't leave my mom here alone....
why can't something go our way..? is that really too much to ask for?
maybe i was supposed to die in that crash. it seems like life has been pushing my mom and me so far and the only way we can catch a break is to die... it's not like we've influenced anything... no one's life has been effected in any large amount by our living... with my death my mom would have probably killed herself long ago. she's even admitted as much. i just don't want to deal with this shit anymore, but i can't leave my mom here alone....
why can't something go our way..? is that really too much to ask for?
mental maelstrom
Posted 12 years agoi wish i was better at drawing... T^T
and before anyone even thinks it; if anyone fucking says "just practice more, then. =) " i will virtually beat the living shit out of you and tear your intestines out through your fucking rectum. D8<
and before anyone even thinks it; if anyone fucking says "just practice more, then. =) " i will virtually beat the living shit out of you and tear your intestines out through your fucking rectum. D8<
fuck the church
Posted 13 years agothe author of this article http://www.alternet.org/belief/50-r.....rch?page=0%2C0 says the Catholic church should be boycotted, but i say these are 50 reasons why Christianity should be eradicated entirely.
SAVE ME~!!!! TTcTT
Posted 13 years agoi'm dying of boredom because i don't have stuff to do anymore. primarily, i'm out of games i want to play. none of the ones i have now are appealing. i have no books, and my insufficient drawing skills is putting me off art.
can someone please suggest some GBA/NDS games i can play that are actually fun?! i'm a big RPG player, i'm not fond of turn-baised games, and the pokemon games are driving me up the wall because it's all the same shit in brand-new wrappers.
anybody! please help me! T~T
can someone please suggest some GBA/NDS games i can play that are actually fun?! i'm a big RPG player, i'm not fond of turn-baised games, and the pokemon games are driving me up the wall because it's all the same shit in brand-new wrappers.
anybody! please help me! T~T
character debate
Posted 13 years agoin my fanfic, Zeke will acquire an assistant who is a hybridization of human and pokemon.
something i thought would be fun would be to ask what kind of pokemon she should be. the catch is, it has to be a really low-level type of pokemon. one that most people hate to deal with. i originally thought of using Zubat, but i've noticed that Zubat are actually increasing in popularity merely for cuteness value.
so here it is: what pokemon do you think should be humanized and aide Zeke?
something i thought would be fun would be to ask what kind of pokemon she should be. the catch is, it has to be a really low-level type of pokemon. one that most people hate to deal with. i originally thought of using Zubat, but i've noticed that Zubat are actually increasing in popularity merely for cuteness value.
so here it is: what pokemon do you think should be humanized and aide Zeke?
art
Posted 13 years agoif anyone is interested, i'm taking requests for sonic fanart.
i will draw anything sonic, simply because it's the only art style i can seem to do well. -_-
and before anyone asks, yes, it'll be for free.
i wish i could get something out of it, but seeing as how there are better artists out there that are charging, what are my chances...
so, just to reiterate, free sonic fan art upon request.
i also do actual commissions which can be read on my main page...
i will draw anything sonic, simply because it's the only art style i can seem to do well. -_-
and before anyone asks, yes, it'll be for free.
i wish i could get something out of it, but seeing as how there are better artists out there that are charging, what are my chances...
so, just to reiterate, free sonic fan art upon request.
i also do actual commissions which can be read on my main page...
it's kinda been bugging me for a while now......
Posted 14 years agowhat's up with all the yaoi art here? for the people who'll just harrass me for asking, i don't give a shit about it or if you like it; i'm just curious.... whenever i do a search, about half the stuff i run across is yaoi or about males takin' it up the ass. i can punch in the little things that are supposed to remove the gay and analizing from the results and i'll still get about 40% guy-violation.....
like i said, i don't care that it's here or if you like it, i just had to ask...
like i said, i don't care that it's here or if you like it, i just had to ask...
