The dentist pulled a sly one and said we had time to do 3 fillings today, even though I'd only booked for 1. Chickened out after the 2nd because I could feel my jaw muscles starting to shake with fatigue. Seemed like a bad thing.

Looked in the mirror - gosh that's a lot of metal and not a lot of tooth. Glad these are all at the back... need to work out what exactly I screwed up and make sure the front ones don't go the same way :S

Thinking about raising a character on AD because I feel like I will get a lot of fun from being in the RP community... but I'm kind of lost and alone and have no idea where to start. If anyone is LFM on any RP realm, I could be persuaded to start there and see how it goes :)

I dunno why, but I've really lost it of late.

I go out for a walk on work time, and it's literally an hour before I get back to the office. I just like walking...

I go for a drink at 9 at night thinking surely I will come home at a sensible time, and 3.5 hours later stump up to my front door. I just like drinking...

The former might be healthy, the latter is less so. I need to fix this nonsense before all I do is walk and drink.

Admittedly I have some minor shite going on in my life, but it's minor, and this is not an excuse.

Ok, so... I have this at a halfway point: https://www.furaffinity.net/view/30411617/

There is, arguably, nothing wrong with it. It's a flat coloured sketch, the anatomy is reasonably correct and the background is recognisable to people who play the game. It's hard to say it's "bad (TM)".

But is it boring? Are the angles unadventurous? is it too much a pure profile? Do I want to keep the background and set up the poses anew? Or do I want to just finish it and move on because life is short and precious?

This is what happens when your artistic judgement goes to war with your drive to finish stuff :/

Hey peeps,

I find myself pondering a smutty mini series whereby I'd take a WoW character and engage them in... diplomatic relations... with various other azerothian races.

Little curious as to whether you guys would favour a male or female ambassador?

Probably going to go worgen, one way or the other, but may yet consider pandaren.

Back gracefully out of the pub, their last customer, singing along to Bill Withers' Lean On Me as it's on the speakers and cracking the staff up.

But the wider message is: when you have had a crap day, do your best to increase the local human happiness around you by any tiny gesture that is available to you. If everyone did that, nobody would ever be sad again :)

Bleh. Got a temp patch put on my broken tooth and was told there's 4 others with surface decay will need tackling and my gums are terrible.

I mean, 5 fillings after about 20 years without a dentist is probably getting off lightly. The broken one is kind of deep and may turn into a root canal job, which will be fun and expensive, but the others have no particular signs of being severe, so it's just the usual 1% chance of any given filling turning out to be a biggie. Fingers crossed they're all shallow and easy.

At least the other 4 didn't fall victim to the same damn toffee that broke the first! I'd like to imagine that was the weakest link. Twat.

Gum disease? I've never had gums to start with. I have other health issues which, I suspect, have a hand in that, because I have always been really careful and done my best with expensive sonic toothbrushes and medical grade mouthwashes and barely drinking even 1 can of fizzy crap every year. Unless it's beer. Could be beer. I guess I'll ask at my next appointment - oh hey, that's tomorrow because sure, let's go in at the deep end!

Bah.

Ah well. At least it's come at a time when I can afford to get it sorted, and at least there is a very convenient clinic 10 mins walk from home and 5 from the office. They seem friendly and non-judgemental, focusing on future goals rather than shaming me for where I'm at. I'll get it all done over the next few months and then fall back into a regular checkup routine.

C'est la vie.


...see, the sad thing is, a lot of my age group are in the same state. Back in the late 90s, the government decided that dentists - hitherto a branch of the national health service - should be allowed to privatise. So they all did. Every single one. They were mandated to keep a proportion of NHS patients, but effectively we lost 75% of our NHS dentists over a very short span of time. If you were a student, or in your first job, and recently/just about to leave home, you simply couldn't sign on with an NHS dentist in your new town because they "didn't have space" - and you couldn't afford private care. So you just did without. Unless you needed emergency work, you went about your life and forgot about getting bi-annual checkups.

So now here we all are, now late 30s to early 40s, and we're all hitting that age when stuff starts to show up even for the careful ones. The dentists are still all private, although some have discovered that they can outsource themselves to the NHS, and get paid even more that way. Not a great system, really, but it is what it is and I guess I'll have to deal with it.

So I... I broke my tooth on a toffee.

A ****ing toffee!!

It doesn't hurt. The rough edge catches on my tongue, but I can live with that. What irks me is that this is my life now. Tomorrow morning will be all about trying to find a dentist who can actually see me relatively quickly, and then there will be questions about where the chuff have I been the last 20 years without any dental records, to which the answer is anxiety and probably some aspergers. And, frankly, no previous problems. At least this is legit the first thing during that time.

But still. I've been thinking for like... a year now... that actually I can afford a dental plan now and maybe I should get back into the system, but I've been too lazy to actually get it done :/

Hopefully I'll learn something from this affair, but probably not -_-

...but if I search for any refs I get spoilers :(

Going to need to binge watch it over the weekend so's I can use it as study material next week. Definitely need to find more time to just sit with styles I like and deconstruct them, it helps a lot and I hardly every do it x(

So, just a few hours until a million fireworks go off... quiet moment... not a bad time for one of those "year in review" things people do.


Art
Something like 150 pictures in 2018, mostly coloured sketches. Do I feel like it's improved? Maybe, a little... I've also started using 3d modelling to generate reference images, so it's arguable as to whether there's progress as an artist here. On the other hand, I sort of realised that the world doesn't actually care whether an artist draws straight from their head or goes through intermediary options. Not being someone who can close their eyes and see what they want to make, I think I'm taking the whole modelling thing as a boon and I'll continue to use it in future, since it really does shorten the time to get the initial anatomy sketch sorted.

My art direction does seem to have been pretty random. I've gotten caught up in a number of fanart crazes, including Aggretsuko, She-Ra, Voltron, WoW, and a little D&D stream that just seemed like it needed someone to draw them some portraits. It's been fun but also... aimless. I feel like maybe I need to target some specifics and say "I want to draw these things better" and set about it.


Writing
Yes I still work on The Foxwood Chronicles! I draw characters from it a lot, but I spend probably an average of 15-30 mins per day on the story itself when I can. Probably looks stagnated from the outside, because I've gone back to rework the early chapters, chop out some guff, add some world-building, and I hope nudge it towards a more consistent feel. Hopefully this will introduce some interesting "ohhh, so THAT's what that thing 30 chapters ago was about!" moments :)

Also I'm forever torn between more or less complexity. I have an idea for a side-story centred on Archer, which wouldn't really take up a lot of page-space, but it would be just one more thing that I have to start tracking.


Health
Could be worse. I mean, this is like my 27th year of living with inflammatory bowel disease, and it's not particularly bad right now but... you know, it's hard to say "yeah I'm great" when no you're not. Ever.

It's been just under 12 months since I discovered that I have a tendency to run high on blood pressure; but at least I'm aware of it. My grandfather had high blood pressure, my mother has it, I clearly will eventually be told the same. Meantime, I moderate my diet and take enough readings to know what's going on and whether I need to go talk to the doctor and get some pills. Little bit salty that I'm dealing with this 20 years ahead of when it normally shows up, but again, at least I know and can monitor.

Also I keep getting chronic acid reflux; I thought it'd finally gone away back in october, but it seems to have resurfaced over xmas. It's controllable with off-the-shelf meds, but still, annoyance! Just... just go away again and this time don't come back!


Fitness
Kind of suffered this year. I haven't let go entirely, but I've definitely not been working out to my 2017 standards. I've still got more stretch than most my age, but not as much as I feel I should have so... that's on the todo list for next year.

Meanwhile I've recently started taking myself on daily walks, because I'm finding it easier to motivate myself for that than for sweating it out with some power yoga. Turns out that in 15 mins, I can reach the edge of town and reach some relatively rural footpaths and trails, which is nice. It is, ultimately, a patch of countryside about 2 miles to a side, but it's nice that it's there and in reach, and I look forward to doing these walks in spring and summer.


Brain
My biggest deal this year is that so many things feel like a waste of time. If I'm neither drawing nor writing, I resent whatever it is that I am doing. Which could be passed off as dedication and enthusiasm, but it also means that I'm really bad at taking proper downtime. I find it really hard to relax into anything because I feel bad for not doing something creative with that time. I'm assuming this is some form of general anxiety, and I try to just ignore it, but on the whole it does make me think that I'd love to be on maybe a 26 hour day. Not for the whole world, just me. I want 2 more hours than everyone else so that I can say I've put in a full day's work on the important things and then not feel guilty about using my bonus hours to chill.


Gaming
I used to be an avid gamer - probably to an unhealthy degree. Now, thanks to a general sense of unease that I'm wasting my time, I find that it's really hard to just sit and play something for any length of time. I'm pretty burnt out with Ark Survival, really burnt out with WoW (lasted all of 3 months before quitting), dissatisfied with Stellaris (awful AI). For the moment, I'm finding an hour or two of Kerbal Space Program is my best entertainment; if I can avoid feeling guilty for not using the time better.


Job
For once, I feel good about it! After years of tax evasion, my company has finally decided to straighten up. As of last spring we were actually... well, real. We have pensions, and tax records, and all that jazz. We seem to have plenty of work coming in, and for reasons unknown to me, when we had to relocate, we relocated to an office just a short walk from my house. Which is very weird, after 15 years of commuting to suddenly just walk to work. Honestly, it feels like going to school every morning.

The downside of this - and it's a first world problem - is that I feel like only an idiot would quit this job at this time. Some of you may remember that just 12 months ago, I was questioning whether I could move to somewhere small and cheap and dedicate myself to drawing for a couple of years, do some online courses, maybe learn to be a real artist. Which won't happen while I have a day job. So now I won't, because at this rate I could pay off my mortgage in about 5-6 years. And THEN... at THAT point... anything I want to do is so much more sensible.

But that is some years away, where I was making plans that would probably have been in effect by now...


Summary
Drawing! Writing! Panicking about nothing! Drawing! Drinking! Drawing! Gaming! Drawing! Complaining about a game! Drinking! Panicking about nothing! Writing! Drawing! I'm not really doing badly I'm just grumbling and weird!

I feel like I'm turning out an increased proportion of human art and could use a home for it... Don't really want to sully my twitter account x)

And sometimes I don't care and just do and draw things that make me happy. And I never know whether I should aim to care less, or aim to be less of the former and a bit more normal. I don't really have much by way of an internal normality compass.

Advice appreciated.

"Dude, She Ra's so gay."

Frequently said boy-to-boy in the 80s. Possibly now canon in 2018. I haven't been so entertained since gay Shiro.

And yes I will be rule 34ing this in the near future because I am absolutely manchild+asperger's enough to do so.

(That aside, positive representation of basically every variant of human race and body shape, funny, friendly, very little observance of conventional gender identity, and with a smattering of 80s references that absolutely no one but me will understand. Probably healthier entertainment than a lot of stuff out there. There are worse things to aim your eyes at for 20 minutes a day.)

Just sayin.

Somehow I'm drawing my characters more spindly than I used to and it needs to stop.

I like thicc butts and I cannot lie...
<hiccup>
<snore>

So here's my thing... I'm deep into reworking the early chapters of TFC. It now has a number of things that nod to later developments and 50 chapters later will make you think "Oh that's what it's all about" - which makes me happy. Archer, when we meet him, is slightly more of a dick, causes a lot of trouble, and then redeems himself, which fits better with his character of the lovable rogue. And I'm also looking at how to diverge Cassanya and Balthor's roles within the party. Specifically, he's a fist-fighter and she has to date been using tonfa which are... really frikking close to fist fighting. From now on, she will be found in possession of a two-handed, curved, wooden longsword, because for reasons of her own she seems unwilling to actually use a sharp-edged weapon, but definitely has some sword skills going on that she chooses to use to her advantage. Where he can get it, Balthor will be adopting a shield - quite possibly on its own, with which he will slam and crash his way through the world. Failing that, it'll be back to fists, which we find out in book 2, he does very well.

Ironically the thing I'm dithering over is a rename - because it will probably be the most effort and require a dip into pretty much everything. But TLDR, I have a lot of T's. We have Tier, and Tyler, and Tee, and Trouble, and Tyrandius, and probably someone else that I've forgotten, not to mention the awkward naming pair of Tallow and Henna... Which makes me think that Tallow "Tee" Fleetfoot could do with a new first name. I'm thinking either Erin, or Evan (derived from Eve-Anne) because both will play into her gender-neutral preferences, and I don't think I have any E's in the team.

But I would be interested in other suggestions if you have any. She likes to pass for a boy at first glance, so names that work for that are especially appealing. Convince me that your name for her is better and have the prize of... well, seeing your choice be written into TFC I guess :)

Really, Shiro? Amazing. Now I have to actually draw a thing that's been in my head for months but seemed inappropriate and stupid. And nobody is going to believe I saw it coming.

But just generally yes, more of this series plz.

(Also I... went out for chocolate and came back with wine, whiskey and beer so... ehhhh...)

Edit: episode 4 I could have lived without. Sort of funny, but filler really not required nor wanted, tbqfh.

So... for various reasons, I've spent the last 9-10 months plotting how to go freelance. TLDR, I know my art isn't commercial quality. But I've stashed away enough savings for 12-18 months of frugal living, and if I were working on art full time, 40-60 hours per week... honestly I feel like I might be good enough at the end of that. It'll be hard, it'll be challenging, and I'll have to be brutally disciplined because I cannot afford to faff around for 6 weeks just because I don't feel inspired on Tuesdays because it's raining.

But I would welcome that challenge. I feel ready.

As soon as, I've been telling myself, I get to the last straw at work. It's a decent job and I'd be silly to bail while it remains decent because every month is an extra 2-weeks I could go without any income. But stupid things happen here, and sometimes it really fkks me off with the things and the things and the raaargh! Sooner or later it wish push me over the edge and I'll waltz out the door with a smile on my face and knuckle down over the drawing board the next morning.

So naturally the office is moving to 5 mins walk from my house, we've finally hired more staff, and everyone's gotten a pay raise.

Here I was all psyched up to do the drawing thing and... suddenly it would make me the stupidest person alive. What complete utter moron would walk away from this job, here, now? :/

Maybe some hobbies are meant to stay hobbies... and maybe that's not even a bad thing.

Also, my Ark server is wiping long before I felt ready, and my old WoW guild might be having another outing. The latter sounds good, only I don't really have time and honestly I'd rather play the other faction... Rip free time.

Ok, so last time I started a Twitter account was 2015 and I posted 2 things for furry challenges and forgot about it.

But I will try again, because I really feel the need to do more fanart and everything everywhere that is worthy of fanart is on Twitter, and every artist who's any good is on Twitter, and one day I hope to be any good.

@ Nekozji https://twitter.com/nekozji

It will probably be family friendly, but if that ever changes I'll set the "sensitive content" flag. I will make an effort to post the best of my new stuff there, so if you like content pushed to you, maybe give me a shot? :)

Thanks!

Hey peeps,

I'm not very Twitter literate, but I feel like maybe I should resurrect my old account because it's kind of a good distribution mechanism, and I'm working on some fanart that specifically takes submission via Twitter...

How the feck do you manage content ratings? Sometimes I draw tiddies. Sometimes I don't draw tiddies. Do I really have no choice but to tell Twitter that the entire account might be about tiddies and have every single upload marked as such?

Because that feels like I need 2 accounts, which is so ridiculous in 2018 that I can't believe it's true.

Hey peeps,

Just wanted to share this brand new D&D channel that I lucked into finding right as they did their first show. Well produced (couple of audio level issues but they're aware and are fixing them for episode 2) and very funny. If you like a bit of improv RP comedy with good voice acting, I'd suggest giving it a listen.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GstgjFyGdfw



Content warning: contains sweary language and British accents. Which, as we all know, is the best accent with which to swear.

Bearing in mind that my country does not do air conditioning because we don't normally need it...

It's been 26C and up all day. It's now 11pm and is still 26C. Approaching 70% humidity. No wind. Literally none. I think Voldemort has been resurrected.

It hasn't rained for 5 weeks. My lawn is dead. Everyone's lawn is dead. The grass in the park is dead. There is no sign of rain on the forecast.

The insects are my new overlords. I have dedicated the spare room to them by leaving the window open and the light on. It is theirs now.

The Scottish lie rotting in the streets. Geordies are on the brink. Football fans strip to the waist, hydrate on lager and "sing" about how the game is coming home. 20 years after the song was released.

I await the apocalypse with a mixed sense of foreboding and relief.

*edit* Apparently there was a grassfire on the moorland about 5 miles from here. Bone. Frikking. Dry.

I ask this after having blitzed through about a page and a half of alley-chase in maybe 30 minutes. The previous page and a half, mostly dialogue and negotiation, took many hours. I literally felt compelled to hurry up and and escape during this section :S

(I didn't escape, but Feral and Archer made it to a rooftop out of sight so it was a good break point. Yes I'm doing that massive retcon I was blathering about weeks ago. It's going well!)

I feel like I want something to give me more hotkeys when I draw (turns out I use more than 10!) but I'm not sure whether I can safely combine Wacom's Express Key Remote with a Huion drawing screen... it doesn't seem to have separate drivers from the whole Cintiq package, which could make things go bad.

Interested to know if anyone's already done this and how it worked out :)

Sorry, I try not to get political on here because I know it's a powderkeg, but Fox News has really irked me with this...

https://wokesloth.com/sean-hannity-.....esome/lindsey/

Policies Hannity is declaring as "Downright scary" include:
- medical care for all
- housing as a human right
- federal jobs guarantee
- gun control / assault weapons ban
- criminal justice reform and an end to private prisons
- immigration justice
- solidarity with Puerto Rico
- taking action on climate change
- clean campaign finance
- higher education for all (free tuition)
- women's rights
- support LGBTQIA
- support seniors
- curb Wall Street gambling

Just... just what... WHAT is scary there? There's only one of those that's even a 'socialist' policy and that's the federal jobs guarantee. The rest are mainstream centre politics common in Europe and being cast as socialist by a far-right 'news' organisation.

This is manipulation of the public psyche at its finest. It is an article designed to provoke rage and infighting and have people blaming each other for their problems.

Bright title and bold because I want to emphasise that this post is not all about Fox News.
Meanwhile in Europe, far-right political parties are climbing to power. The Italian govt is even considering ignoring the Schengen Area. This is a block of countries who have agreed that travel between them is unrestricted. Except Italy is thinking that it might stop people who "Look like they might be migrants." So if they're not white, basically, they don't get into the country.

Genuinely concerned about the rise of far right politics... last time we banded together to fight the Nazis. This time there's Nazis in all directions and I'm not sure there's going to be enough of us left to beat them :(

Heil Hydra.

Imma leave this here...



I realise in later years that this probably set the pattern in my childish mind... and I never grew up :P

Also it's like 26 degrees C at midnight and apparently that makes me prone to remembering ooooooold things.