[center]Sorry for being gone, I got ill and were to stuck to bed for days, now I'm slightly better.
But another thing that really hit me off the tracks was that few days ago out house caught fire, thankfully it didn't do heavy damage and was secured quickly. I wanted to write a journal about this yesterday, but i decided to wait until commander of firefighters does an inspection and writes a fine. (the cause of fire was chimney catching fire, because the chimney sweeper did a really shit job)
That wasn't a nice way to start 2018, I'm really sorry for making you wait, I myself am very frustrated with this, hoped to start this year productively but still something went wrong. I will try to get back to work asap and when my body lets me
thank you for your patience and understanding[/center]

ello.. I am back, baby!
So the reasons for my absence that will not be just only excuses, it wasn't really a hiatus or anything, it was stress and fear related thing. I was afraid to disappoint and then face you guys, but here I am. How to put it simply.. everything has been going down the shitter - my health mostly. Whole summer i was struggling through it with clenched teeth, I would call all those problems minor if i could, but my doctor was disturbed by my blood tests and all health issues ive been having. I recently finished taking my phenibut course (which is extremely expensive here compared to other countries...) and it didn't help me much with my feelings overall, but memory and mind seems to be functionating bit better (to give some background why i had problems with it is that I got heavily intoxicated from e6000 glue while working on my sister's costume, it had long term effects to the point i had to drop out from the uni only a month after joining). I still have other issues, but I can live with aching body and treatments that i'm taking for some problems only have effects in long term. My speed for work is very slowed down, but I swear i try to do my best. I've been drawing a lot during my absence. Well I'm not also mentioning that I also feel like a dirty, wet rug if we are talking about mental health - for many years I just wish for everything to end, but I'm still going on for the sake of art and my integrity. (don't question this, it really is the only way how i can drag myself through this)
I've spent every single cent that i had earned on meds and I still owe my brother huge amounts of money for meds and upcoming costs for them. Now that brother lost his job, I need to quickly make money, because we urgently need it for living now and as an unemployed fruitcake that can't get myself accepted in any university nor can do hard labor my only place to offer services is here and to one of my favorite communities, really guys - you are least judgy and always try to help out. I have plenty of adopts and YCH templates being done. I really hope you will be interested in them - I really need support. If you can't help out directly you can tell somebody who might be interested in helping out a fellow artist in need.

---

ON a more positive note - OF COURSE during these months ive been drawing. I've been learning new things on my own - studying visual directing and communication between the user and artist and sound design. That is weirdly specific, isn't it? Well that's because I'm currently working on a game with my brother! Working and developing it is extremely difficult process - especially when you are trying to make a rich and saturated world with loads of characters and lore. We are planning it to be a turn based online game on browsers, pretty fancy, isnt it? I can't give out much of details, but I might show some sneak peaks and concept arts eventually and will need some test players when prototype will be done.
I've been learning animation on a new software, might do animated commissions eventually - right now I'm not ready with my current skills.

---

Anyway I hope you all understand and thank you for waiting, it's not easy for you guys nor for me.

---

also sorry if this journal seems messy, I was quite nervous while writting it[/center]

I really really want to buy a ps4 this summer.. and I really hope I will get a job, but ive got no idea if ill get employed by a book publisher company.
Since i moved into a new apartment last month ive got a tv here and ive always wanted to own a console and play games that i cant play on pc (i'm a linux user btw and i dont plan to dual boot at all so hush e___e)
Anyway since ps4 pro was released, ps4 price will drop a bit I really hope ill be able to save some money after paying the bills.. I would want to get bloodborne, dark souls 3, MGSV and dark souls (because the horrible pc port is a painful experience) for ps4.. which would add up to.. almost 400 euros in total.. thats a lot tbh, i know i shouldnt get greedy with such things as console, but as a person who has no friends and goes out only to a store then i think i can somehow buy myself a present like that.
After all, during these years of drawing and trying to sell i havent been able to save up anyhow, always there are bills to pay and i havent bought myself anything in years. only times when i get something is when somebody from deviantart gifts me a game on steam i went completely insane, it was such a boost for me. So It is weird to say that all of my income mostly comes from fA, such a good and supportive community, im really glad i joined here

;__; sorry, what a pointless journal.. i know.. I will delete it if it annoys you

Hello, glorious creatures and peeps! I've been wanting to make a fursuit of my scalesona, but I'm not sure which materials i should use since i cant afford leather and am on a kind of tight budget. Any advice?
papa bless yall!