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*hides under blankies*
Posted 14 years agoZOMG! I just came back from a Damian Marley concert so needless to say Im stoned as fuck, but also I was watching this and it was so well made it was genuinely creepy! and think you all need to see this epicness
http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/562882
http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/562882
treading through nothing
Posted 14 years agoEverything is much more ambient, and quiet now that I am without a mate, a year and a half, it only worked for a small percentage of that time, and now I find myself questioning everything I do. What is the point in going to school, what is the point in continuing a detox, what should I be doing, why should I continue to be social, how rewarding would life be if I lived it out as a loner... a hermit...
What has been going on in my life (for those who care)
Posted 14 years agoIf anyone has been wondering about my online absence, which I feel not many care too much about since my IM's and other inbox's have been pretty empty the times I was able to check in, nor has anyone asked why I havent posted a mix in herra long. Anywho... the point of this journel entry is for me to explain a very long story with an email I sent to grandmother explaining how she has honestly screwed us, and treated Fox and I like anything but family. If I do need to clarify anything feel free to say so in the comments and I will happily fill in the blanks but here is the gest of what has been going on in my life, and this is why I could not join any of you at FC this year... though no one really asked if I was going so what ever with that as well...
_____________________________________
Mahalo G-ma
There was once upon a time when I always held you with the utmost respect, when ever I would mention who you are and what you meant to me when talking to friends I would always say "She's like my real mother where my mom couldn't be." and I honestly considered this the truth. I can prove this by referring to last year when I came home from working on my first job handed to me by Dan Cohen, when I showed you the stash of diapers in your file cabinet and confessing one of my deepest secrets that can't be a secret as I want to live infantilism as a life style some day. Now even though I mention you in such high regard, I am learning more and more each day that it was actually my doing, and my unhealthy mental state that led to my cruddy childhood and growing an angsty hate, yeah I think if Darnell potty trained me at the right time instead of way too early I probably wouldn't enjoy diapers as much as I do, but I also know that she was trying her best to raise a potentially fucked up son and I don't know if you contributed to this, but towards the ending months the led to our falling out I saw alot of traits that I am trying to better myself of, in you.
The first time we tried to raise an issue with you, you claim to had listened to our discomforts and problems... though how you addressed them was completely ass backwards of what we were saying. Basically we were asking for you too give us a night of sleep if we are too carry out your chores on the whim that you think of them and expect them done pretty much immediately... and too have open communication as a normal family would have. YOUR solution to this was to try and form a half assed contract that gives Danny jr full control over us, and ontop of that you still woke us up an hour into our sleep for something we had nothing to do with. Since you did nothing with our concerns and we were still disagreeing with you since you did not change anything but made things worse you told us... its work or hit the road, I want to make it clear to you that a normal family member NO... a normal person that has no blood relation to you does not joke about statements like that, especially in the situation you gave us. So we acted on what you REALLY told us in reality, the fact that you said you were joking after we were homeless through Halloween to my birthday and then some is incredibly fucked up.
Back to the before mentioned respect, I convinced Justin to try living on your property again instead of living homeless. This is where things snowballed out of control and you really showed your colors, you made it quite clear that you never wanted Justin to be around and that we should not be planning a future together. I think I need to explain why this is wrong to YOU but anyone else would see this as wrong from the get-go, unlike you and grandpa, we are together to live life together, experience it's hardships, ravish in its gifts, and grow together. As I think about you and grandpa I see how you would not know what any of this means, since for example, instead of respecting the fact that Grandpa is gone, you parade his death around for try and win the pitty of others and show no regard for any of the things that he has learned in his lifetime nor anything that he stands for. Well come to think of it, you got his homophobia down pretty good. To put things into perspective, you would not be invited to my wedding because you do not agree with it, the day we came to get our stuff, you literally barfed and shouted verbal diarrhea, accusing Justin of "Brain Washing" me and that he is using me as "a sex slave" which is also saying that you think of me as a fool, and that I do not think for myself if I have gotten myself in this situation, and that I am a complete negligent dumb ass for not doing anything about it.
The final straw. To sum up our last confrontation, you couldn't even acknowledge that what you were saying was offending me... you said "No that doesn't offend you"... again going back to the though that I can't think for myself, you prove that you believe that. When you couldn't take our real facts, you go batshit crazy and start screaming out your window to our friends, and calling Uncle on his work line to gossip lies. What you referred to was when I said that I and Justin saw Daniel Jr. smoking in his truck alone at 4 AM, and that he was coughing alot, when he never coughs from cigarettes, and that Auntie saw the same thing, but at no time did I ever say that Auntie told us she saw him smoking "Meth"... That assumption was mine and Justins, especially mine because both Daniel and Scotty talked about the 8-ball Scotty gave Daniel infront of me. (Also Im very proud you sold Grandpa's bike and my inheritance to a meth and narcotic addict)What you told Auntie and Uncle was that I told you they informed me of Daniel using meth, this is why I said you were so wrong, but you wouldn't listen to me, you know what you did!?! you said, verbatim "Fuck you, Fuck you, you know what Angelo, you do not need me anymore." and at that point you hung up, with so much respect for me to not allow me to talk to you when you were wrong and were hurting the neighborhood.
"You don't need me anymore" you were saying that you needed me, for me to be in Maui, for you. And you treat me like this, you disregard that you are partly responsible for us leaving all of our responsibilities in California, we may lose all our property out there now, You make it clear you don't want me to be happy with Justin and try to get in-between us when ever you think you can. And you try to hurt my relationship with people I consider my second family and thank god they could see the way passed your BS and still consider us family as well. You show zero respect for Grandpa and you demand I respect you for going through such a hard time, but ontop of not respecting Grandpa how can I respect you for going to massage therapy instead of something real like cognitive talk therapy?
I want to say thank you for the random money wirings that you have done, you should hopefully know that what you have done has put me in a situation where any money is good money, but if you ever want to communicate with me again I want to see a few things happen first.
Lastly, you hold Daniel Jr back, and I see him going out to Scotty's all the time now, but at odd times, do what you want with that information.
It urks me that you act like nothing has happened when you leave messages on my phone. I love you as the Grandma I remember from California, but I do not respect a single thing about you as a person.
-Angie
_______________________________________
Thank you for reading...
_____________________________________
Mahalo G-ma
There was once upon a time when I always held you with the utmost respect, when ever I would mention who you are and what you meant to me when talking to friends I would always say "She's like my real mother where my mom couldn't be." and I honestly considered this the truth. I can prove this by referring to last year when I came home from working on my first job handed to me by Dan Cohen, when I showed you the stash of diapers in your file cabinet and confessing one of my deepest secrets that can't be a secret as I want to live infantilism as a life style some day. Now even though I mention you in such high regard, I am learning more and more each day that it was actually my doing, and my unhealthy mental state that led to my cruddy childhood and growing an angsty hate, yeah I think if Darnell potty trained me at the right time instead of way too early I probably wouldn't enjoy diapers as much as I do, but I also know that she was trying her best to raise a potentially fucked up son and I don't know if you contributed to this, but towards the ending months the led to our falling out I saw alot of traits that I am trying to better myself of, in you.
The first time we tried to raise an issue with you, you claim to had listened to our discomforts and problems... though how you addressed them was completely ass backwards of what we were saying. Basically we were asking for you too give us a night of sleep if we are too carry out your chores on the whim that you think of them and expect them done pretty much immediately... and too have open communication as a normal family would have. YOUR solution to this was to try and form a half assed contract that gives Danny jr full control over us, and ontop of that you still woke us up an hour into our sleep for something we had nothing to do with. Since you did nothing with our concerns and we were still disagreeing with you since you did not change anything but made things worse you told us... its work or hit the road, I want to make it clear to you that a normal family member NO... a normal person that has no blood relation to you does not joke about statements like that, especially in the situation you gave us. So we acted on what you REALLY told us in reality, the fact that you said you were joking after we were homeless through Halloween to my birthday and then some is incredibly fucked up.
Back to the before mentioned respect, I convinced Justin to try living on your property again instead of living homeless. This is where things snowballed out of control and you really showed your colors, you made it quite clear that you never wanted Justin to be around and that we should not be planning a future together. I think I need to explain why this is wrong to YOU but anyone else would see this as wrong from the get-go, unlike you and grandpa, we are together to live life together, experience it's hardships, ravish in its gifts, and grow together. As I think about you and grandpa I see how you would not know what any of this means, since for example, instead of respecting the fact that Grandpa is gone, you parade his death around for try and win the pitty of others and show no regard for any of the things that he has learned in his lifetime nor anything that he stands for. Well come to think of it, you got his homophobia down pretty good. To put things into perspective, you would not be invited to my wedding because you do not agree with it, the day we came to get our stuff, you literally barfed and shouted verbal diarrhea, accusing Justin of "Brain Washing" me and that he is using me as "a sex slave" which is also saying that you think of me as a fool, and that I do not think for myself if I have gotten myself in this situation, and that I am a complete negligent dumb ass for not doing anything about it.
The final straw. To sum up our last confrontation, you couldn't even acknowledge that what you were saying was offending me... you said "No that doesn't offend you"... again going back to the though that I can't think for myself, you prove that you believe that. When you couldn't take our real facts, you go batshit crazy and start screaming out your window to our friends, and calling Uncle on his work line to gossip lies. What you referred to was when I said that I and Justin saw Daniel Jr. smoking in his truck alone at 4 AM, and that he was coughing alot, when he never coughs from cigarettes, and that Auntie saw the same thing, but at no time did I ever say that Auntie told us she saw him smoking "Meth"... That assumption was mine and Justins, especially mine because both Daniel and Scotty talked about the 8-ball Scotty gave Daniel infront of me. (Also Im very proud you sold Grandpa's bike and my inheritance to a meth and narcotic addict)What you told Auntie and Uncle was that I told you they informed me of Daniel using meth, this is why I said you were so wrong, but you wouldn't listen to me, you know what you did!?! you said, verbatim "Fuck you, Fuck you, you know what Angelo, you do not need me anymore." and at that point you hung up, with so much respect for me to not allow me to talk to you when you were wrong and were hurting the neighborhood.
"You don't need me anymore" you were saying that you needed me, for me to be in Maui, for you. And you treat me like this, you disregard that you are partly responsible for us leaving all of our responsibilities in California, we may lose all our property out there now, You make it clear you don't want me to be happy with Justin and try to get in-between us when ever you think you can. And you try to hurt my relationship with people I consider my second family and thank god they could see the way passed your BS and still consider us family as well. You show zero respect for Grandpa and you demand I respect you for going through such a hard time, but ontop of not respecting Grandpa how can I respect you for going to massage therapy instead of something real like cognitive talk therapy?
I want to say thank you for the random money wirings that you have done, you should hopefully know that what you have done has put me in a situation where any money is good money, but if you ever want to communicate with me again I want to see a few things happen first.
Lastly, you hold Daniel Jr back, and I see him going out to Scotty's all the time now, but at odd times, do what you want with that information.
It urks me that you act like nothing has happened when you leave messages on my phone. I love you as the Grandma I remember from California, but I do not respect a single thing about you as a person.
-Angie
_______________________________________
Thank you for reading...
Is gonna be absent for awhile o .o'
Posted 15 years agommm Life has gotten kinna interesting n exciting but with this I'll be absent for alil while, dunno how long, but in two days is my birfday, two decades... is still a puppy though! > A<' .... 1990 is a great year ;] ... also like doing college stuff come the new year, so peace all :D have a good one!
And a specially cwinkly fankies to everyone who has been listening n supporting my mixingness =]
see yuh later alligator
And a specially cwinkly fankies to everyone who has been listening n supporting my mixingness =]
see yuh later alligator
Definitive Dubstep... Possibly the best Dubstep I have heard
Posted 15 years agohttp://www.jaimeledubstep.com/archives/2003
Download http://excision.drugged.me/Excision.....ubstep_Mix.mp3
I am just stuck on this set! I don't know what to say, old steppers, those just learning of the genre, I think this will blow everyones mind!
Remember to play with a healthy sub fit for heavy lifting ;]
Download http://excision.drugged.me/Excision.....ubstep_Mix.mp3
I am just stuck on this set! I don't know what to say, old steppers, those just learning of the genre, I think this will blow everyones mind!
Remember to play with a healthy sub fit for heavy lifting ;]
Today my grandma bought me diapers <3
Posted 15 years agoShe really did! it was so much fun and I really felt accepted ~^ 3^~
*cwinkle wag waggs*
*cwinkle wag waggs*
Whats on my mind
Posted 15 years agoI can't sleep, heh... throwing a few thoughts into the physical world before who knows what will happen...
-A certain part of my feels lost and alone, the ABDL side of me, heh, but iRL I'm sure its a part alot of people wish they had forgotten, oh wells.
-Ketamine may be able to help with untreatable depression, I just read up on this and found it very interesting. At FC2010 I let a "close" cubsitter room with me when he otherwise wouldnt have had a room, and all for what, getting showed up and making me feel like utter crap, so (and this might sound super teen drama gasmic!) I ended up taking the two doses of special K that was intended one for me one for my mate hoping I would OD cuz shit was hurting so good. Well I was just sent into a K-hole and had an interesting trip... but after that, FC turned around and became a pretty fun con!... so who knows...
that is all...
-A certain part of my feels lost and alone, the ABDL side of me, heh, but iRL I'm sure its a part alot of people wish they had forgotten, oh wells.
-Ketamine may be able to help with untreatable depression, I just read up on this and found it very interesting. At FC2010 I let a "close" cubsitter room with me when he otherwise wouldnt have had a room, and all for what, getting showed up and making me feel like utter crap, so (and this might sound super teen drama gasmic!) I ended up taking the two doses of special K that was intended one for me one for my mate hoping I would OD cuz shit was hurting so good. Well I was just sent into a K-hole and had an interesting trip... but after that, FC turned around and became a pretty fun con!... so who knows...
that is all...
Going away for abit
Posted 15 years agoas I head to Maui as I did this year but not to see my grandpa and wish him well but to be at his funeral my parents have so lovingly tried to keep me from going too... peace for abit, keep listening and supporting <3
Puppy is coming back to Cali
Posted 15 years agoToday is a good day :]
Shits hit the fan
Posted 15 years agoSo lets sit down... and spin a few records Mr. DJ!
Stranded in Reno
Posted 15 years agoOur car sploded on the way to Kani's new job so Im stuck in the desert, this should be fun ;3
Baby emo be at CF 2010
Posted 15 years agoWho is going and who wantsa hang out? :P rumor has it... I might be bringing some dj hardware
hope to see sum friendly faces!!! =3BRB
Posted 15 years agoPutting the decks up for abit... family matters happened... hope you guys liked my latest submission, but I can't see myself submitting much in the form of my music for abit...
See yeah after the break!Issues
Posted 15 years agoI do not know why I am always the source of the problem
I do not know what to do anymore
I do not know anything...
I cannot describe myself past the point of saying fuck it...
I do not want to come to a conclusion but I am afraid of living an empty life....
I do not know what to do anymore
I do not know anything...
I cannot describe myself past the point of saying fuck it...
I do not want to come to a conclusion but I am afraid of living an empty life....
Freaking amazing
Posted 15 years agoSo now that Mechwarrior 4 is up for free release (yes I'm whipping out the 2001 Microsoft sidewinder for this) I came across this mod for Crysis...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lNFeE8mIlxQ Its just so epic D:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lNFeE8mIlxQ Its just so epic D:
The Khatalyst of Disc Jocky-ing is like doing stuff...
Posted 15 years agoUh huh, I juss joined a new DJ centered site that I thought was pwitty spiffy that I want you all to check out :D
Im over at http://www.letsmix.com/khatalyst alotta the stuff I post there will end up here but the high quality versions will most def be there since they dont limit media quality as harshly as FA ^ 3^
Im over at http://www.letsmix.com/khatalyst alotta the stuff I post there will end up here but the high quality versions will most def be there since they dont limit media quality as harshly as FA ^ 3^
Thank you again all who have been supporting me, through my active and even not so active dry times! its awesome and Im glad that for once Im seeing my efforts eventually equal the great thing I'm working for... iono, silly jibber jabber from the snarky puppy! keep it locked fer further developments on music! brought to you by~DJ KhatalystMUSIC IS ART!
Posted 15 years agoZOMG so my fox showed me an aphex track played over a spectrometer to show how musical elements interact with each other in ways you wouldn't have consciously noticed or imagined the first time around and DJ /Producer Aphex Twin does this...
check it out, for those who arent aphex fans juss skip to the end, for others, fullscreen the vid, and enjoy the show.... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u-KM.....eature=related
further proof why Aphex is kewls :3 http://www.sparkcaster.com/demotiva.....hex%20twin.jpg
check it out, for those who arent aphex fans juss skip to the end, for others, fullscreen the vid, and enjoy the show.... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u-KM.....eature=related
further proof why Aphex is kewls :3 http://www.sparkcaster.com/demotiva.....hex%20twin.jpg
I haz a jarb!
Posted 15 years agoZomgs so liek after searching for a job for an entire year I finally gotted one today :D
I nearly shat myself
anywho I be a CSR for supportspace.com ^ 3^!
I nearly shat myself
anywho I be a CSR for supportspace.com ^ 3^!
:]
Posted 15 years agoMy last journal is depressing :<
Posted 15 years agoYou have no right
Posted 15 years agoto be here, what were you thinking? because I certainly hope it wasn't anything as crazy as the thought of you being an actual person that meant anything to anyone during their flow through life. I pray that you never find happiness because your existence is just my horrible prank to you since I never had anyone to make feel as bad as I ever had. and after everything Ive done to you Im amazed you found the ability to even leave my home, I know you almost didnt make it out alive I think... twice, no maybe three times, iuno you silly teens don't tell me everything that goes on in your life lawl. I really wonder now... your gone and out of my life... when will I hear back from some random news story or a mail letter bringing you back into my life because the damage has been done, I really wonder but at least I would have accomplished one thing in my life at well... the expense of one I created... shit happens xD.
Fc2010
Posted 15 years agoFucking win
Who's gunna go to FC 2010?!?! :D
Posted 15 years agoseriously its juss around the corner, who is this puppy gunna get to cuddles? ^ 3^
also invite me to room parties! Ill out drink and burn yew out all at once <3
also invite me to room parties! Ill out drink and burn yew out all at once <3
Something Im finding more and more amazing
Posted 15 years agoI just want to take alil time to reflect and slow down in this extremely fast paced and highly dynamic life o' mien...
So I spend this morning listening to my older submissions on FA, and in this case the very first mix I ever produced is recorded and is posted in my gallery at http://www.furaffinity.net/view/2141872/ ... that was made when I never even touched a turntable and if anything, really showed the potential I had to becoming a DJ, and now a year later, with FC around the corner (which was the moment in which I wanted to learn how to spin cuz the DJ's I saw at FC ALL sucked... supposedly Tekfox was there but w/e :P), actual DJ gear a boyfriend who owns a sound company who has the experience and authority to say that Im improving like no other, its all just... I dont really have a word for it, but Im impressed and proud of myself, especially since well, others have said... their amazed that I came into this world with just a keyboard and mouse and now Im picking up and mastering techniques of the pro's so quickly that it can be speculated that DJ Khatalyst could rise to the level of other top DJ's such as DJ AM, Bassnectar or ATB, but that is such a dream at this moment, lots of work before that happens.
Anywho for those that care, I might put all of the mixes on FA into one big mix so keep your ears perked for those, and if you want check out where I am now with my music @ the links below.
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/2180603/
My biggest hit http://www.furaffinity.net/view/2257149/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/2973075/
So I spend this morning listening to my older submissions on FA, and in this case the very first mix I ever produced is recorded and is posted in my gallery at http://www.furaffinity.net/view/2141872/ ... that was made when I never even touched a turntable and if anything, really showed the potential I had to becoming a DJ, and now a year later, with FC around the corner (which was the moment in which I wanted to learn how to spin cuz the DJ's I saw at FC ALL sucked... supposedly Tekfox was there but w/e :P), actual DJ gear a boyfriend who owns a sound company who has the experience and authority to say that Im improving like no other, its all just... I dont really have a word for it, but Im impressed and proud of myself, especially since well, others have said... their amazed that I came into this world with just a keyboard and mouse and now Im picking up and mastering techniques of the pro's so quickly that it can be speculated that DJ Khatalyst could rise to the level of other top DJ's such as DJ AM, Bassnectar or ATB, but that is such a dream at this moment, lots of work before that happens.
Anywho for those that care, I might put all of the mixes on FA into one big mix so keep your ears perked for those, and if you want check out where I am now with my music @ the links below.
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/2180603/
My biggest hit http://www.furaffinity.net/view/2257149/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/2973075/
Why so new-ious?
Posted 16 years agoSo wondering why DJ Emo hasn't been replying to IM's and just generally been missing from the internet?
well das cuz Ive been moving into a new place with my motherfucking boyfriend yo!
but yeah... Im back... on the internets... and yeah... annoy me plox? ;3
well das cuz Ive been moving into a new place with my motherfucking boyfriend yo!
but yeah... Im back... on the internets... and yeah... annoy me plox? ;3
