FA+
Shop
Looks like we're all going to die.
General | Posted 13 years agoHello everyone,
Although I barely post anything here on FA, rest assured that I am checking FA SEVERAL times throughout the day.
On my main note, it appears that everyone in my area is going to die due to the impending Spongebob Storm....I mean Hurricane Sandy. Yes my state is said to be in direct path and we will feel the full force of this storm. So I'm expecting power outage that will render me....... I don't even have words to describe what will happen. I'm not all for this "oh I don't need electricity to survive." lifestyle that apparently a lot of people can follow. No. I need technology. Technology powers my life. And with no power to power my technology my life is not being powered and power power power power.
It's not a want. It's not a luxury. It's not optional for me. I NEED power. So! This will be fun.
I can only hope that we have learned from out Hurricane Irene mistakes and we will be MUCH better prepared for this storm and power wont be out for a week like before.
So I say this my furry friends, if this is the last you hear from me..........................however you want to remember me. I don't care. I'll be dead. :D
Although I barely post anything here on FA, rest assured that I am checking FA SEVERAL times throughout the day.
On my main note, it appears that everyone in my area is going to die due to the impending Spongebob Storm....I mean Hurricane Sandy. Yes my state is said to be in direct path and we will feel the full force of this storm. So I'm expecting power outage that will render me....... I don't even have words to describe what will happen. I'm not all for this "oh I don't need electricity to survive." lifestyle that apparently a lot of people can follow. No. I need technology. Technology powers my life. And with no power to power my technology my life is not being powered and power power power power.
It's not a want. It's not a luxury. It's not optional for me. I NEED power. So! This will be fun.
I can only hope that we have learned from out Hurricane Irene mistakes and we will be MUCH better prepared for this storm and power wont be out for a week like before.
So I say this my furry friends, if this is the last you hear from me..........................however you want to remember me. I don't care. I'll be dead. :D
Bad News [*Update]
General | Posted 13 years agoSo like the title suggests, I have some bad news.
As you may or may not know I have recently done a complete computer system upgrade. This process included backing up files, and migrating them over to my new machine.
Unfortunately I, for some bazaar reason, did not back up my dedicated "FA" folder. This means I have lost all my Gamercard Templates and yes, even the "Gamercard Metro" beta projects. I have also lost all my avatars, and thumbnail pictures along with several other miscellaneous things.
I was certain I backed them up and will keep searching my backup files, but as of right now, all gamercard production has some to a screeching halt and the Gamercard Metro project has been, as of this moment, scrapped.
So don't we have that.
[*Update 1:02am EST]
Just finished checking all my backup files. No FA folder to be found.
As you may or may not know I have recently done a complete computer system upgrade. This process included backing up files, and migrating them over to my new machine.
Unfortunately I, for some bazaar reason, did not back up my dedicated "FA" folder. This means I have lost all my Gamercard Templates and yes, even the "Gamercard Metro" beta projects. I have also lost all my avatars, and thumbnail pictures along with several other miscellaneous things.
I was certain I backed them up and will keep searching my backup files, but as of right now, all gamercard production has some to a screeching halt and the Gamercard Metro project has been, as of this moment, scrapped.
So don't we have that.
[*Update 1:02am EST]
Just finished checking all my backup files. No FA folder to be found.
Random Video Of The Day [Messing with Apple Fans]
General | Posted 13 years agoRANDOM VIDEO OF THE DAY
Adele's Beautiful New Song
General | Posted 13 years ago
Adele's New James Bond Song
General | Posted 13 years ago:')
Random Video of the Day [What Makes a Good Man]
General | Posted 13 years agoRANDOM VIDEO OF THE DAY
Trying to escape bullshit, people stop you, simply trying to go home, shit happens, people stop you, run away from it all, sees bullshit, helps people anyway. That's life. Random Video of the Day [Sniper's Godly Knife]
General | Posted 13 years agoRANDOM VIDEO OF THE DAY
GOODAY!Random Video of the Day
General | Posted 13 years agoRandom Video of the Day is getting a reboot in
3
2
1
PS:
Pure, ridiculously hilarious, joyful insanity. Monologue 01.
General | Posted 13 years agoThese journals are more for my monologue than your viewing. Just so you know.
Monday September 17th, it started again. Waking up and running to the bathroom to throw up. The previous night I had started a new antidepressant via a 10mg pill. My psychiatrist and I have been refraining from using pills because of my sensitive stomach but with my previous medication (dissolvable tablet) failing, it was a risk I was willing to take. But on monday I woke up and threw up violently. Feeling a very sharp pain right in the middle of my chest, and a burning sensation in my abdomen.
It is now Thursday September 20th. I have been having trouble sleeping all week, I typically go to bed around 9:30 and then would wake in the middle of the night and become to sick to fall asleep. Which is new.
I only threw up once last night since monday.
I feel like food is not moving out of my stomach and it is not only my stomach that is failing, but my entire digestive system is just plain not working.
I have tried adding more fiber to my diet to get food flowing, but with this constant sensation of being full, when I really haven't eaten all day, it is hard to continue eating.
I have yet to eat today, and am losing the ability to tell if I'm hungry.
I get depressed and angry when I see good food, but know I can't eat it.
This illness is taking it's toll on my sanity really. I have gotten to the point where I don't want to live or make plans for the next day anymore. I don't want to live like this and I just want to be dead. I don't care about my friends or family at all.
My father keeps suggesting it is nerves and anxiety, but if that's true I'm fucked because I can't control myself. That's what the medication was for.
I have a meeting with a NEW GI specialist tomorrow. And I've been thinking all week about what to tell him/her (for the sake of repetition I'm going to say him). I don't even know where to start.
I will probably tell him I have REALLY been throwing up my whole life. Then it because an unbearable in Summer of 2011 where constant nausea became an issue. I had a stomach emptying study done that came back normal, GI scope that came back normal, CATscan on my brain that came back normal, Abdominal CATscan that showed irregularities in my appendix. I had appendix and gallbladder removal surgery on April 12th 2012 that................I've been lying to myself this whole time..............really only made the nausea better but didn't get rid of it. I would still get sick when I ate (and I thought it was just anxiety because I was so used to getting sick whenever I ate). And now my constant nausea is back. Making me angry and depressed and stressing me out.
I can't live like this, and have no desire to live like this. I'm am so physically and emotionally tired. I can't even really laugh with out my nausea spiking.
I am honestly prepared to be told I have cancer or diabetes (both parents have diabetes) or some disease.
I keep imagining speaking with my new GI and just starting to cry because I have no hope for myself anymore. I find myself crying everyday now, and I feel so weak and broken. It used to take an SUV hitting me to make me cry, now I find myself crying randomly.
All I can do is hang on to the thinnest thread in the world of hope that this GI doctor knows what he's doing, and can help me. My fate depends on it.
Monday September 17th, it started again. Waking up and running to the bathroom to throw up. The previous night I had started a new antidepressant via a 10mg pill. My psychiatrist and I have been refraining from using pills because of my sensitive stomach but with my previous medication (dissolvable tablet) failing, it was a risk I was willing to take. But on monday I woke up and threw up violently. Feeling a very sharp pain right in the middle of my chest, and a burning sensation in my abdomen.
It is now Thursday September 20th. I have been having trouble sleeping all week, I typically go to bed around 9:30 and then would wake in the middle of the night and become to sick to fall asleep. Which is new.
I only threw up once last night since monday.
I feel like food is not moving out of my stomach and it is not only my stomach that is failing, but my entire digestive system is just plain not working.
I have tried adding more fiber to my diet to get food flowing, but with this constant sensation of being full, when I really haven't eaten all day, it is hard to continue eating.
I have yet to eat today, and am losing the ability to tell if I'm hungry.
I get depressed and angry when I see good food, but know I can't eat it.
This illness is taking it's toll on my sanity really. I have gotten to the point where I don't want to live or make plans for the next day anymore. I don't want to live like this and I just want to be dead. I don't care about my friends or family at all.
My father keeps suggesting it is nerves and anxiety, but if that's true I'm fucked because I can't control myself. That's what the medication was for.
I have a meeting with a NEW GI specialist tomorrow. And I've been thinking all week about what to tell him/her (for the sake of repetition I'm going to say him). I don't even know where to start.
I will probably tell him I have REALLY been throwing up my whole life. Then it because an unbearable in Summer of 2011 where constant nausea became an issue. I had a stomach emptying study done that came back normal, GI scope that came back normal, CATscan on my brain that came back normal, Abdominal CATscan that showed irregularities in my appendix. I had appendix and gallbladder removal surgery on April 12th 2012 that................I've been lying to myself this whole time..............really only made the nausea better but didn't get rid of it. I would still get sick when I ate (and I thought it was just anxiety because I was so used to getting sick whenever I ate). And now my constant nausea is back. Making me angry and depressed and stressing me out.
I can't live like this, and have no desire to live like this. I'm am so physically and emotionally tired. I can't even really laugh with out my nausea spiking.
I am honestly prepared to be told I have cancer or diabetes (both parents have diabetes) or some disease.
I keep imagining speaking with my new GI and just starting to cry because I have no hope for myself anymore. I find myself crying everyday now, and I feel so weak and broken. It used to take an SUV hitting me to make me cry, now I find myself crying randomly.
All I can do is hang on to the thinnest thread in the world of hope that this GI doctor knows what he's doing, and can help me. My fate depends on it.
Computer for sale.
General | Posted 13 years agoGateway FX4710
Intel Core 2 QUAD 2.5GHz
Maxed out 8GB DDR2 RAM.
1TB HDD.
2 Firewire. (1 front, 1 back)
10 USB 2.0. (2 Front, 4 back, 4 PCI card)
Internal Bluetooth 2.0 adapter on PCI card. (Easily upgradable)
Nvidia GeForce 9800GT Dual DVI Graphics.
Added blue LED case fan.
1 eSATA.
HD Audio support.
CD/DVD-r-rw Burner
Blueray Disk Player
Windows 7 Pro 64bit.
Windows Experience Index: 5.9
Now on eBay:
http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dl.....m=170907198665Computer for sale.
General | Posted 13 years ago
Gateway FX4710
Intel Core 2 QUAD 2.5GHz
Maxed out 8GB DDR2 RAM.
1TB HDD.
2 Firewire. (1 front, 1 back)
10 USB 2.0. (2 Front, 4 back, 4 PCI card)
Internal Bluetooth 2.0 adapter on PCI card. (Easily upgradable)
Nvidia GeForce 9800GT Dual DVI Graphics.
Added blue LED case fan.
1 eSATA.
HD Audio support.
CD/DVD-r-rw Burner
Blueray Disk Player
Windows 7 Pro 64bit.
Windows Experience Index: 5.9
This computer has been more than a delight to use. It is the only device I EVER owned that has NEVER given me any hardware trouble. It will truly be missed.
Asking price: $500 USD.
Note me if interested.
No Hope.
General | Posted 13 years agoWell, here I am. Still alive......sort of.
You may or may not have noticed that I have been rather quiet here on FA recently, and I'm here to tell you that......well......I'm a mess. As usual.
My internship at Connecticut Orthopedic Specialists is just infuriating, I have their fuming everyday. My stomach is just plain not working right. I had my first kiss, and I fucked my first date all up with my anxiety. My friends are all coming to me again for their dose of moral support, and I'm just done. I am.empty. I can't be strong anymore. I feel broken and hallow and sick. I can't be strong for everyone else anymore.
My Mom just broke up with her boyfriend. She's going to need me to keep her happy this weekend.....I can't do it.
I am mentally and physically exaused and I ..... I don't want to do this anymore.
Unfortunately for me I don't have the energy to even think about killing myself, well part of that is probably due to my Mood Stabilizer.
I'm just tired of being alone, or at least feeling like it. But I guess that's my fault.
I've tried to live by the words "If there's nothing left to live for, live for hope." but.....I've been broken and beaten down too much. Life has broken me and I have finally lost hope.
I'm so full of hate and anger and......I'm just.....tired....
So................tired.
You may or may not have noticed that I have been rather quiet here on FA recently, and I'm here to tell you that......well......I'm a mess. As usual.
My internship at Connecticut Orthopedic Specialists is just infuriating, I have their fuming everyday. My stomach is just plain not working right. I had my first kiss, and I fucked my first date all up with my anxiety. My friends are all coming to me again for their dose of moral support, and I'm just done. I am.empty. I can't be strong anymore. I feel broken and hallow and sick. I can't be strong for everyone else anymore.
My Mom just broke up with her boyfriend. She's going to need me to keep her happy this weekend.....I can't do it.
I am mentally and physically exaused and I ..... I don't want to do this anymore.
Unfortunately for me I don't have the energy to even think about killing myself, well part of that is probably due to my Mood Stabilizer.
I'm just tired of being alone, or at least feeling like it. But I guess that's my fault.
I've tried to live by the words "If there's nothing left to live for, live for hope." but.....I've been broken and beaten down too much. Life has broken me and I have finally lost hope.
I'm so full of hate and anger and......I'm just.....tired....
So................tired.
Code Lyoko, heard of it?
General | Posted 13 years agoHeard of it? Got it? How? Looking for a torrent of the whole series in good quality. Help?You're Fired!
General | Posted 13 years ago
You heard me. Now pack your shit and get out.
Updating profile, need ideas.
General | Posted 13 years ago
So I plan on adding more info to my FA profile page, but I'm not quite sure what to add.
So what should I add? What to you peoples want to know?
PS: Also looking for someone to make a new avatar. Must be free though. :\
Project U Dropped.
General | Posted 13 years ago
Project U (Gamercards for PSN and Wii) has been dropped.The End
General | Posted 13 years agoI've reached the end of my rope.
I keep telling myself to remain hopeful, keep going, and eventually things will get better.
After being in the ER for severe chest pain, it seems that I now have a rather serious case of Acid Reflux. Which my asshole GI doctor told me I did not have.
Look, I know my life isn't that bad. I have friends, I have family, I have food, and a roof over my head. And there is always someone else out there that has it worse.
Did you know I feel so hopeless and low right now.....I actually cried last night.
Turns out my career isn't gonna be enough to allow me to survive. So I'm not going to be able to have fun and do what I want. I have less than $5 to my name and my car needs $1500 worth of work.
Now they told me I should never drink soda again. Sure just keep taking away things that make me happy. It's not that I ant drink Pepsi again.....it's just.......ANOTHER thing I can't do, or can't have.
What did I do? Why does it seem like out of my circle of friends.....it's just me?
I am underweight, but if I have one chicken nugget, I'll suffer. But the fat people at school can be carrying bags of McDonald's and be just fine.
I know I always say I'm down. But this time I'm broken.
I really don't see any reason why I should get out of bed in the morning, because I don't believe things are going to get better.
I keep telling myself to remain hopeful, keep going, and eventually things will get better.
After being in the ER for severe chest pain, it seems that I now have a rather serious case of Acid Reflux. Which my asshole GI doctor told me I did not have.
Look, I know my life isn't that bad. I have friends, I have family, I have food, and a roof over my head. And there is always someone else out there that has it worse.
Did you know I feel so hopeless and low right now.....I actually cried last night.
Turns out my career isn't gonna be enough to allow me to survive. So I'm not going to be able to have fun and do what I want. I have less than $5 to my name and my car needs $1500 worth of work.
Now they told me I should never drink soda again. Sure just keep taking away things that make me happy. It's not that I ant drink Pepsi again.....it's just.......ANOTHER thing I can't do, or can't have.
What did I do? Why does it seem like out of my circle of friends.....it's just me?
I am underweight, but if I have one chicken nugget, I'll suffer. But the fat people at school can be carrying bags of McDonald's and be just fine.
I know I always say I'm down. But this time I'm broken.
I really don't see any reason why I should get out of bed in the morning, because I don't believe things are going to get better.
Project U: Gamercards for PSN and Wii?
General | Posted 13 years agoProject UniversalYup, been considering it for a while. I am a pretty loyal
PCFurs so I am naturally more in favor of the Xbox 360 and Xbox Live (XBL) so I have created Gamercards revolving around the Xbox planet.But I'm ignoring the other areas of the universe. For example the Sony Playstation 3 with the Playstation Network (PSN) or the Nintendo Wii with.....well....what....Nintendo WiFi Connection (WFC)?
Point is I'm considering to start developing Gamer....somethings... (I don't think I should call them GamerCARDs cause that's kindof an Xbox thing) for the Playstation and Wii, but the problem is, I don't really know what to put in them. To my knowledge, the Playstation doesn't have avatars and the Miis on the Nintendo Wii cannot be accessed online like the Xbox Avatars can.
So I need some ideas. I have some very small concepts, and by concepts I mean I pretty much have an idea of what the backgrounds will look like, and need your help if this is something you PSN and/or WFC gamers want to see.
Please keep your comments separate. For example, if you have an idea for the PSN Gamer______ post it all in one comment, and your WFC idea in another.
Just gonna........leave this here....
General | Posted 13 years ago
My First Ride in an Ambulance.
General | Posted 13 years agoI can't catch a break. I really can't. Yesterday I had my first ambulance ride to the emergancy room because I was having that "heart attack pain without actually having a heart attack" again. I had a lot of trouble just driving ten minutes to get home.
Of course by the time I got there and waited about 2hrs......my pain was mostly gone. This started happening after I had a Pepsi at school and it just got extreamly bad.
It first starts out with mild discomfort and almost a heart burn like feeling. Then that pain intensifys after about an hour into a very sharp pain, like a knife in your chest. Then the pain begins to spread to my sides and lungs making breathing just plain uncomfortable. And at that point the pain is very severe and it just radiates throughout my entire torso. Sides, chest, lower back.
And my inhaler for asthma (that I used to bearly ever use......like.....I used it maybe once a year) doesn't seem to do much.
The doctors think that because my pain is right smack in the middle of my chest, and not actually where my heart is......it has nothing to do with my heart.
Nothing seems to bring this on and nothing in particular really makes it go away.
They actually suggest it's a gas buildup....and I don't remember what they said, but......I have my scepticisisms about gas........doing.......THAT.
I'm here in the waiting room (I'm am hour and a half.early.......whoops...) typing this on my Evo that I'm a little mad at cause it didn't like to run GPS, and about 10 minutes ago the pain started coming back. It's 8am. I haven't even had a glass of water yet today. I took two more hits of the inhaler and did a few laps around the parking lot and the pain faded.
I did notice that the pain starts to reside when I burp or move, and the doctor told me to take some Maalox if this pain starts again.......but what am I supposed to do? Just carry a bottle of Maalox around with me? Really? Tums make me sick......
*sigh* This isn't fair. I don't deserve this. I can only conclude that I must be a bad person, cause I keep getting punished.
Are their any....uh.....I don't know.......MedicalFurs out there that can help me? Please?
Of course by the time I got there and waited about 2hrs......my pain was mostly gone. This started happening after I had a Pepsi at school and it just got extreamly bad.
It first starts out with mild discomfort and almost a heart burn like feeling. Then that pain intensifys after about an hour into a very sharp pain, like a knife in your chest. Then the pain begins to spread to my sides and lungs making breathing just plain uncomfortable. And at that point the pain is very severe and it just radiates throughout my entire torso. Sides, chest, lower back.
And my inhaler for asthma (that I used to bearly ever use......like.....I used it maybe once a year) doesn't seem to do much.
The doctors think that because my pain is right smack in the middle of my chest, and not actually where my heart is......it has nothing to do with my heart.
Nothing seems to bring this on and nothing in particular really makes it go away.
They actually suggest it's a gas buildup....and I don't remember what they said, but......I have my scepticisisms about gas........doing.......THAT.
I'm here in the waiting room (I'm am hour and a half.early.......whoops...) typing this on my Evo that I'm a little mad at cause it didn't like to run GPS, and about 10 minutes ago the pain started coming back. It's 8am. I haven't even had a glass of water yet today. I took two more hits of the inhaler and did a few laps around the parking lot and the pain faded.
I did notice that the pain starts to reside when I burp or move, and the doctor told me to take some Maalox if this pain starts again.......but what am I supposed to do? Just carry a bottle of Maalox around with me? Really? Tums make me sick......
*sigh* This isn't fair. I don't deserve this. I can only conclude that I must be a bad person, cause I keep getting punished.
Are their any....uh.....I don't know.......MedicalFurs out there that can help me? Please?
Lenovo ThinkPad Laptop(WITH UPGRADES, 7 ULTIMATE, & OFFICE)
General | Posted 13 years agohttp://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=170868642881 VISIT MY PHOTOBUCKET ACCOUNT FOR MORE PICTURES:
http://www.photobucket.com/LThinkPadEdge Selling my Lenovo ThinkPad Edge 15" (Model Number: 031925U).
I've had this computer for about a year now and am ready for an upgrade. This is a fast and reliable machine that basic, to moderate computer users will enjoy. Brand new on Amazon, this laptop is about $480.
With this machine, you get:
The best Windows 7 has to offer:
I have upgraded this machine to Windows 7 Ultimate 64bit. That means you get the incredible security of BitLocker drive encryption, support for over 35 languages, Windows XP mode for seamless compatibility (separate download), HomeGroup, which allows you to connect with other Windows 7 computers in your home and easily share music, stream movies, and share printers, AND (in addition to full-system Backup and Restore found in all editions) you can back up to a home or business network.
A fat free computer:
New PCs these days come with a lot of bloatware, like trial software and useless programs and games that do nothing but take up space and slow your computer down. With this laptop computer, all of that is removed, and you have a fresh, up-to-date, and clean Windows experience.
Free Office:
Yeah, really! This isn't a 30-day trail. You get a REAL, FREE, FULL FEATURED copy of Microsoft Office 2007 with this laptop.
Hatches have been battened down:
If you buy a new computer, and connect to the internet, did you know that it could take as little a 5 minutes for you to become infected? And most computers today only come with a 60-day trail of a poor antivirus that barely protects you anyway! With this laptop from qTech, you get a preconfigured (with the most secure settings already applied) version of the award winning Avast! Antivirus. Avast! is actively protecting over 150,827,053 users around the globe, is always free and NEVER expires. You can always apply for a free license by typing your first name and your email once a year. They only email you once a year to notify you that you need to renew your free license. That's it!
Increased RAM:
Out of the box this laptop comes stock from Lenovo with only 2GB of RAM. I have MORE THAN DOUBLED that amount and upgraded this laptop to 6GB of DDR3 SDRAM Memory for increased speeds and productivity.
Added Bluetooth:
Having bluetooth in a laptop is almost standard now-a-days. Having the ability to transfer photos, videos, and contacts from your smart phone without using a cord is also a wonderful feature. So, while this computer doesn't have built in bluetooth, I have included a small USB Bluetooth adapter (seen in one of the photos on photobucket) that supports Bluetooth 2.1 devices.
Manufacturer Warranty:
This laptop still has 473 days (as of June 27th, 2012) of the Lenovo Manufacturer warranty.
If you have any further questions please don't hesitate to ask! :D
PS: I will be using this laptop until the day it is sold, so please allow me one additional business day to clean out and prepare the laptop for you. Thanks!
100 Submissions
General | Posted 13 years agoOh hey......
I just hit 100 submissions. God I'm such a server storage slut. Just spewing my work all over the place.
I disgust me.
Core Temperature: Meltdown.
General | Posted 13 years agoI think I'm at the end of my rope fellas...... Things just..... I don't know.
If I look at it, my life really isn't that bad. I have a roof over my head, a 2.5 year old Evo that is still decently powerful even in today's standards. I have a pretty powerful desktop computer, I am in a tech school that I won't have to pay for because my Grandparents had money faved up, I have friends, and...well...a MOTHER who loves me anyway...but....
I got turned down for an career entry job as a Staples EasyTech technician, it was nothing big....but....I don't understand....the interview went so well.....and I'm easily qualified. I was very....broken when I heard the professional version of "You didn't get the job."
And my car....my poor car. I have gone through 3 cars in the first year of having my license. Why? Not my fault people keep rear ending me.
First Accident: https://www.facebook.com/media/set/.....p;l=98b8370281
Second Accident: https://www.facebook.com/media/set/.....p;l=4ec8472d75
MY second car....well....we just dumped a ton of cash into it, and the engine has low miles. My second car was pretty much perfect.....so guess what.....we bought another car, and swaped.........EVERYTHING:
https://www.facebook.com/media/set/.....p;l=d5b68c1091
But now.....old problems are arising. My engine is overheating......look in long story short I had to close my savings account to pay for repairs. I litterally have enough for ONE more tank of gas....then I'm fucked.
My father refurs to me as a "bitch" and I don't know how much longer I can hold myself back before I punch him in the fucking teeth. I sold his parents house for $500,000 and somehow he can't afford to do ANYTHING. But that's ok dad.... you go to your concerts or make me leave a party with to go pick up YOUR kid (my brother). But let me remind you that "[HE]'S THE ADULT HERE."
I hate my Dad....you know what THERE I FUCKING SAID IT! I HATE HIM. It's terrible to say, but he is no father to me anymore.....he just finances me. He pays for my car insurance, He bought me my third car, and I hate having to rely on him. But I have no income and just can't get a fucking job so I need to. And because of that I have to put up with him calling me and asshole, and a bitch, and CALLING WHO I AM A LIE. He is in like....this bazaar denial about me being gay and has to keep saying shit about it. He treats me like crap.....but...... I need him.
My health is just....fucking a mess. I since the surgery I still get sick when I eat a lot and now more importantly, I am having heart pain that radiates thoughout my body and the only way I can describe it is "feeling like I'm having a heart attack.....without actually having one." I've been trying to be healther. Adding healthier food to my diet. Walking about a mile everyday. Working out more. Drinking less ginerale and A LOT more water. But I am still not doing that well.
And then there's my sexuality to complain about, and I think the problem lies with me. But I am noticing that many homosexual males are just fucking redicious. But.... my problem is.... hell if you looked at me, and saw how I acted, you wouldn't be able to tell I was gay. And you know what, I take pride in that. I don't dress up in rediciously tight clothes, have 50 fucking rainbow colored bracelets, paint my nails, have short hair, have dimand stud earings, and fucking.....*sigh*.... I know that sounds sterotypical of me....and belive me... I argue with myself constantly about it, and I'm beginning to think that gay guys dress and act the way they do.....to let other gay guys, know they're gay. I don't know....my point is that because I don't want to dress/act like that just because it's just not who I am.
Look at me.... I'm babbling and ranting with no organization what so ever.
I feel trapped.
Hurt.
Miserable.
Angry.
Very angry.
I'm always angry.
I don't want to be angry anymore but I just....there's a lot to be angry about
I need something good to happen, or someone to show me that all this SHIT will end up being worth it.
If I look at it, my life really isn't that bad. I have a roof over my head, a 2.5 year old Evo that is still decently powerful even in today's standards. I have a pretty powerful desktop computer, I am in a tech school that I won't have to pay for because my Grandparents had money faved up, I have friends, and...well...a MOTHER who loves me anyway...but....
I got turned down for an career entry job as a Staples EasyTech technician, it was nothing big....but....I don't understand....the interview went so well.....and I'm easily qualified. I was very....broken when I heard the professional version of "You didn't get the job."
And my car....my poor car. I have gone through 3 cars in the first year of having my license. Why? Not my fault people keep rear ending me.
First Accident: https://www.facebook.com/media/set/.....p;l=98b8370281
Second Accident: https://www.facebook.com/media/set/.....p;l=4ec8472d75
MY second car....well....we just dumped a ton of cash into it, and the engine has low miles. My second car was pretty much perfect.....so guess what.....we bought another car, and swaped.........EVERYTHING:
https://www.facebook.com/media/set/.....p;l=d5b68c1091
But now.....old problems are arising. My engine is overheating......look in long story short I had to close my savings account to pay for repairs. I litterally have enough for ONE more tank of gas....then I'm fucked.
My father refurs to me as a "bitch" and I don't know how much longer I can hold myself back before I punch him in the fucking teeth. I sold his parents house for $500,000 and somehow he can't afford to do ANYTHING. But that's ok dad.... you go to your concerts or make me leave a party with to go pick up YOUR kid (my brother). But let me remind you that "[HE]'S THE ADULT HERE."
I hate my Dad....you know what THERE I FUCKING SAID IT! I HATE HIM. It's terrible to say, but he is no father to me anymore.....he just finances me. He pays for my car insurance, He bought me my third car, and I hate having to rely on him. But I have no income and just can't get a fucking job so I need to. And because of that I have to put up with him calling me and asshole, and a bitch, and CALLING WHO I AM A LIE. He is in like....this bazaar denial about me being gay and has to keep saying shit about it. He treats me like crap.....but...... I need him.
My health is just....fucking a mess. I since the surgery I still get sick when I eat a lot and now more importantly, I am having heart pain that radiates thoughout my body and the only way I can describe it is "feeling like I'm having a heart attack.....without actually having one." I've been trying to be healther. Adding healthier food to my diet. Walking about a mile everyday. Working out more. Drinking less ginerale and A LOT more water. But I am still not doing that well.
And then there's my sexuality to complain about, and I think the problem lies with me. But I am noticing that many homosexual males are just fucking redicious. But.... my problem is.... hell if you looked at me, and saw how I acted, you wouldn't be able to tell I was gay. And you know what, I take pride in that. I don't dress up in rediciously tight clothes, have 50 fucking rainbow colored bracelets, paint my nails, have short hair, have dimand stud earings, and fucking.....*sigh*.... I know that sounds sterotypical of me....and belive me... I argue with myself constantly about it, and I'm beginning to think that gay guys dress and act the way they do.....to let other gay guys, know they're gay. I don't know....my point is that because I don't want to dress/act like that just because it's just not who I am.
Look at me.... I'm babbling and ranting with no organization what so ever.
I feel trapped.
Hurt.
Miserable.
Angry.
Very angry.
I'm always angry.
I don't want to be angry anymore but I just....there's a lot to be angry about
I need something good to happen, or someone to show me that all this SHIT will end up being worth it.
"If there is nothing else to live for, live for hope. Cause it's what keeps me going."
"Making The [elderly] Bus Monitor [women] Cry"
General | Posted 13 years ago
My faith in humanity has been completely lost if this is what KIDS are doing. Bullying almost killed me. I had a rope around my neck at one point because of it. I believe that bullying needs to be punishable by death, since it almost killed me and HAS killed others.
Reminds me of what being furry....pffft....not even that! Reminds me about how grateful I am to know a FEW people who use their fucking heads!
New Legend of Zelda.
General | Posted 13 years ago
While I would love to see Majora's Mask in remade, I would still have to cast my vote for an A Link To The Past remake. I don't want to see a sequel to an already deep and rich game, and it will be a refreshing CLASSIC and CORE Zelda after having to deal with my disappointment of Skyward Sword.
Majora's Mask Wii U Trailer
A Link to The Past Remake Trailer
