I think I'm at the point where I have to admit that I just will never know who I am, or what I'm really passionate or dedicated about.

A friend of mine and I are slowly beginning to get the gears turning on a project, so that's something to look forward to. I feel like maybe I've been pushing it a little too much, though, so I'm going to relax a bit, but never go back on it, of course.

I'm really hoping that we really get this working better than I'm imagining it could.

Not so much in the "clean your room" sense, but in the sense that I'm always so absent minded that not only do I never get anything done, I never even get anything started.

I feel like as I'm getting older and older, I don't have enough time to learn how to do all of it, and that I don't even know which thing I should be trying to start first. Even if I could, I wouldn't know where to start acquiring resources.

But I'm tired of people calling me a whiner, tired of people calling me emo, and most importantly, tired of being overlooked for having nothing to offer.

I want to attack that last problem head on, but I'm going to need someone to help me get started on making sense of the massive clusterf*** going on in my head, and set up a plan of attack for the things I want to learn to do.

These are the big 3.

-Drawing
-Fursuit Making (Even just starting with tails and hands would be something)
-Coding (Programming)

This would help me have a foot in the door and really make me feel like I belong here, and that maybe I can really start to accomplish something, even if I never become high-tier at any of them.

Responses are welcome and appreciated...

-Hikaru

OK, so what I really need to work on here, aside from the other stuff I've talked about in the past (and for the moment, it's being left in the past...), is my general awkwardness. My lack of basic agility, my social recoiling, and just a general inability to act towards others, react to others, or even interact with others.

Don't have much time to make at least a door-opening breakthrough here, so does anybody have any suggestions for countering the awkwardness/shyness/stiffness? Both emotionally, and phyisically?

...with this, is that I've ordered a book geared towards young children, hoping that it won't go over my head, won't be too intimidating...

...unfortunately, it is, a little bit. However, the first things it wants me to do, now that I have the dreaded pre-test out of the way, are things that actually aren't too over my head. My attempts aren't looking very good to start, but I guess at this point it's just important to get pencil to paper.


Still, I'm afraid to upload anything here, because I don't want to be mocked for how things look. (On a tangent, I'm sure some people would recognize what book I'm working with as soon as they'd see my 'work' uploaded, too.)

Right now, I just need encouragement and for people to believe in me. I'd like to think that's not too much to ask. And if you _are_ interested in seeing what I'm doing, well, you know how to get in contact with me.

This has been the largest problem with pretty much everything in my life.

I have the desire to do all these things and be creative, but because I've never really had any luck or skill when it comes to self-teaching, I just don't have any motivation at all.

I understand that especially when it comes to the furry sphere, when one has a forward personality like mine (one that can't quite grasp subtlety and diplomacy), it's going to be kind of off-putting and make people less likely to really stand at one's side (that, and they don't want to create potential new competition and jeopardize their earnings).

So, in the end, all one is left with is themselves. So, we come back to the issue.

I've never really been able to find the motivation to force myself to struggle through any of this, and get myself on a productive, creative path.

If anyone sees this, anybody know how to combat the Motivation issue?

I know almost nobody will see this, but please, if you have any sort of art talent (drawing or suitmaking, I guess, though I didn't really want to say the second in public), or have any friends who do, and would be willing to teach me, PLEASE point them in my direction ASAP.

I can't self-teach for shit, but I'm down about not being able to do anything, and want to be able to start learning how to do things so I can actually have projects to show people :/

I never post or contribute anything here. Well, I can't draw, I can't make fursuits, I can't compose music.

Now, if anybody would like to teach me any of that (especially when it comes to the first two), I'd certainly accept the apprenticeship, so to speak.

I just can't get any sort of project started. It's not for a lack of ideas or concepts. Those, I have plenty of. I just don't have any medium to work them into. It's frustrating. I want to find ways to stand out and get noticed, or if nothing else, just get all this mental clutter out of my head and archived somewhere else...

I'd honestly love to learn how to draw (I've wanted to learn how to for a LONG time), but I can't self-teach for shit, and all the tutorials do me no good because they skip too many steps, and none are geared toward teaching people with no co-ordination and no ability basic mechanical skill when it comes to controlling a drawing implement. Plus, there's nobody to tell you what you're doing wrong and how to fix it.

I don't have the money to pay for professional help, but if any of you out here can see this, I'm practically begging for help. I'm not really expecting this appeal to work, but if I don't ask, I definitely won't get an answer.

I know I'm a late starter, and you might think I have no potential, but I promise I won't give up on it if you don't give up on me.