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Macro March!!
General | Posted 3 years agoMacrofurry is the seed from which my fetish tree bloomed. I'd never have imagined it all those years ago, that encountering the giant stompy furries penned by Cougr, Gideon, Cerberus, and many others, would have such an impact on me as a hobby artist. It's only fitting, then, that I do something for Macro March!
The plan is simple: I'm gonna try to produce a bunch of macro pics during the month of March. The unifying theme will be "things I love about macro." I'll include a written blurb with each, for anyone wanting a better idea of what the fuck is wrong with me.
This'll be fun, but it's also gonna be a challenge to myself: Specifically, a challenge to keep a regular output schedule, to keep drawing for an extended period of time instead of doodling once every blue moon.
Let's-a gooo!
The plan is simple: I'm gonna try to produce a bunch of macro pics during the month of March. The unifying theme will be "things I love about macro." I'll include a written blurb with each, for anyone wanting a better idea of what the fuck is wrong with me.
This'll be fun, but it's also gonna be a challenge to myself: Specifically, a challenge to keep a regular output schedule, to keep drawing for an extended period of time instead of doodling once every blue moon.
Let's-a gooo!
Up to My Old Tricks
General | Posted 5 years agolol I'm back bitches
Summary:
* Chopping off parts of yourself and discarding them like so much garbage is not easily done. It kinda hurts, actually.
* The world is ever-shrinking and ever-entwining. Pretending to be two people is way too much work for the sake of hiding a few kinky pictures.
* I'm keeping my "questionably normal" stuff separate from my "pretty obviously kinky" stuff via different accounts and profiles on the Internet. If someone wants to smash them together, that's their initiative.
* We're here for a good time, not a long time. Create what you like when you are in the mood to create, because one day you're gonna put down your brush or your pen for the last time and not even know it.
- ennbee
Summary:
* Chopping off parts of yourself and discarding them like so much garbage is not easily done. It kinda hurts, actually.
* The world is ever-shrinking and ever-entwining. Pretending to be two people is way too much work for the sake of hiding a few kinky pictures.
* I'm keeping my "questionably normal" stuff separate from my "pretty obviously kinky" stuff via different accounts and profiles on the Internet. If someone wants to smash them together, that's their initiative.
* We're here for a good time, not a long time. Create what you like when you are in the mood to create, because one day you're gonna put down your brush or your pen for the last time and not even know it.
- ennbee
Answers
General | Posted 7 years ago"Why did you delete all your pictures and journal entries?"
Many months ago I found myself in a miserable pit, hating myself and the art I’ve created - specifically, the lack thereof. Rather than stepping back from the trees and taking time to introspect, I did the overemotional equivalent to masturbation and DELETED FUCKING EVERYTHING in defiance of all that was wrong. Take THAT, face.
Of course, much like masturbation, I was only fucking myself. The brief sense of agency and finality felt good, but destruction is only cathartic: It can't create.
Since then I've come to terms with who I am, what I want to be, and - most importantly - my desire to draw.
"Why did you clear all your favourites?"
... No real good answer here. Guess I'm just a dickhead.
"Now that you're done being a huge baby, are you going to re-upload your pictures?"
Probably not. Sorry.
"Why not?"
Two reasons.
First, when I looked inward, I realized part of why I loved posting art was the feedback. I would create pictures and fantasize about the attention they could earn me... And then be crushed when I received little to none. I had to rewire WHY I drew. I had to WANT to create pictures for better reasons than acknowledgement. As such, re-uploading a bunch of pictures I've already displayed once before feels... Not good. Like I'm fishing for a second round of comments.
Second, I want to advance from my little corner and focus on a broader range of work. Less explicit fetish fuel, more pictures I can show my IRL friends in non-adult galleries. I know one day a connection between my public works and what I've posted on FurAffinity will be revealed; Styles are like fingerprints, it's inevitable. I'm not going to run or lie when it happens, but right here right now? I am simply not brave enough to wear this part of me.
"Are you taking down your commissions and gifts?"
No. I like them, and I think it's cool to show the gifts and works you've received from other artists.
"Are you leaving the furry fandom?"
Can't quit what I was never a part of.
I started orbiting the furry fandom as a teen because there was so much overlap with my deviant tastes. That being said, I've never BEEN a furry. I don't have a fursona, nor do identify as an animal, anthropomorphic or otherwise.
To be clear, I have no problem with the fandom. Some of my oldest online friends are dorks I met via the fandom, and the quality + quantity of art produced is best expressed by joining the tips of my thumb and index finger to form an "O" shape, with the remaining fingers raising like a flourish. But it's not my home. It's the cabin in the woods where I hide the parts of me I am not strong enough to own.
(And, just to clarify, I’m not closing down this FurAffinity page.)
"Why are you writing this?"
I needed to get this out of my head and onto paper, to see how it sounds. Maybe it will provide answers to anyone wondering what happened to me. Maybe I’m just yelling at clouds. Either way, here I am.
Take it easy out there, friends. Thanks for everything.
- nobody/ ennbee/ NB
Many months ago I found myself in a miserable pit, hating myself and the art I’ve created - specifically, the lack thereof. Rather than stepping back from the trees and taking time to introspect, I did the overemotional equivalent to masturbation and DELETED FUCKING EVERYTHING in defiance of all that was wrong. Take THAT, face.
Of course, much like masturbation, I was only fucking myself. The brief sense of agency and finality felt good, but destruction is only cathartic: It can't create.
Since then I've come to terms with who I am, what I want to be, and - most importantly - my desire to draw.
"Why did you clear all your favourites?"
... No real good answer here. Guess I'm just a dickhead.
"Now that you're done being a huge baby, are you going to re-upload your pictures?"
Probably not. Sorry.
"Why not?"
Two reasons.
First, when I looked inward, I realized part of why I loved posting art was the feedback. I would create pictures and fantasize about the attention they could earn me... And then be crushed when I received little to none. I had to rewire WHY I drew. I had to WANT to create pictures for better reasons than acknowledgement. As such, re-uploading a bunch of pictures I've already displayed once before feels... Not good. Like I'm fishing for a second round of comments.
Second, I want to advance from my little corner and focus on a broader range of work. Less explicit fetish fuel, more pictures I can show my IRL friends in non-adult galleries. I know one day a connection between my public works and what I've posted on FurAffinity will be revealed; Styles are like fingerprints, it's inevitable. I'm not going to run or lie when it happens, but right here right now? I am simply not brave enough to wear this part of me.
"Are you taking down your commissions and gifts?"
No. I like them, and I think it's cool to show the gifts and works you've received from other artists.
"Are you leaving the furry fandom?"
Can't quit what I was never a part of.
I started orbiting the furry fandom as a teen because there was so much overlap with my deviant tastes. That being said, I've never BEEN a furry. I don't have a fursona, nor do identify as an animal, anthropomorphic or otherwise.
To be clear, I have no problem with the fandom. Some of my oldest online friends are dorks I met via the fandom, and the quality + quantity of art produced is best expressed by joining the tips of my thumb and index finger to form an "O" shape, with the remaining fingers raising like a flourish. But it's not my home. It's the cabin in the woods where I hide the parts of me I am not strong enough to own.
(And, just to clarify, I’m not closing down this FurAffinity page.)
"Why are you writing this?"
I needed to get this out of my head and onto paper, to see how it sounds. Maybe it will provide answers to anyone wondering what happened to me. Maybe I’m just yelling at clouds. Either way, here I am.
Take it easy out there, friends. Thanks for everything.
- nobody/ ennbee/ NB
