So we're in the Middle of Kitchen Renovations in my parents old 1948 House....

Aaaaaaand Dasha, the Maine Coon Cat we've had for several years, passed away. That's the third cat we had with us for a long time. Dead as of 5:00 A.M. this morning. I estimate the actual time of death was probably just before 12:00 midnight on 10/16/2025.

Duo, Dixie, Twelvester, Deuce, (The latter two were dogs) and now Dasha.

The hits of 2025 keep coming in full force. I needed to vent this out now before being seized by some grip of hesitation.

I recently got a computer a month back, and as of today, I'm trying to set everything up so I have all the basic amenities.

I'm kind of a Half-empty glass kind of guy and don't have any expectations positive or negative of this new set of 365 days.

Happy couples be they straight or gay only deal with problems when they arise but are stronger for it when they get through em' working with each other. But I'm fine with the life of a bachelor.

With the way I am going with my current job, I'm likely to get another raise. So there's that. Gotta keep up the pace and if I get another job along the way, or produce a new talent, that's okay as well. Or heck, I might come back here or to Deviantart with renewed vigor for my art. Who knows. I'll keep on fighting.

I remember the plot of NEO:TWEWY, where our mains, (Rindo Kanade, Tosai Furesawa, and Nagi Usui) and the other teams could never top the top team, the Ruinbringers, and the game would perpetuate, mainly because of Shiba Miyakaze dragging things out to complete his plan of obliterating Shibuya off the map for bs reasons. (He was nudged in that direction by an angel, who was being secretly controlled by another angel.)

Of course, later on in the story you learn that the Ruinbringers were Reapers. No wonder no other teams won, and they were stuck in this hell fighting monsters, doomed to inevitably perish in a game unwinnable by design.

My way of contextualizing this entire stupid election is indeed strange.

What I mean to say: Donald John Trump is a Ruinbringer. Or a Reaper, at least.

Much like Shiba, he's an immovable wall of force and personality, inscrutable, drawing all to him with his charisma (Or lack of), while standing on his platform, all sound and fiery fury, signifying nothing.

We're stuck in another 4-year round of one man's "Reaper's Game", although at first, he'll be chomping at the bit to erase immigrants from "puritanical, conservative, America", as well as turn on his fervent supporters of the MAGA Movement, leaving them worse for having ever become consumed with the idea of his being such an amazing leader who'd lead them to an ideal society. For the rest of us "Players", there will be other insane conditions to win set in place. But truth is, nobody will be winning this game. Nobody won this last game. Certainly not Kamala Harris. Not Timothy James Walz either. Not any of the other Candidates who tossed their hats into the ring. Not anyone who counted themselves a supporter of the MAGA movement. Not somebody as high profile as Elon Musk. Not your average voter, not the religious crowd,

No one.

This game of perpetuated insanity was rigged to favor no one.

There isn't much to say, but I've been going through old files of stuff I made, sketches and piss poor quality crap I ever uploaded to FurAffinity or Deviantart.

The reason is that multiple things are happening soon, and I'm also planning to move to a new Desktop Computer to pursue this latest craze I'm on involving Programming. There's also the incredibly less significant fact that the Mac OS X cannot get secure connection to sites like Mastodon, Bluesky, or Discord. This computer was leased in 2011, and I'm a much bigger and older boy since then. Time to upgrade.

I get older and realize I haven't taken control of my life at all.

My recent purchase was online, and of course, it's an online film called V/H/S. Anthology horror flick. Really grew to love this series, including the blatantly bad 3rd one.

But the first of these films I actually did buy on Youtube was actually V/H/S99. The connecting tissue between the short films within being "Hell" aspects or something. I'm enjoying being able to watch these movies and any Jojo anime I bought, while being at work.

Yikes, I didn't execpt so many odd things to take place this month.

Another year, another notch. But the day goes on as usual.

Feels disappointing to have apathy towards my own birthday. But celebrate it in my own small way I shall do as do.

So, around 1:20 of this afternoon was I at a hospital where I held the hand of man who was rapidly passing away.

Sometime after 1:30 was when he officially passed away. His wife was there, as were a few other members of the Church. My mom and I came by to visit, although we really didn’t expect our visit to end with us witnessing another person dying in a hospital bed.

They sang songs, godly songs, good songs. I didn’t really join in.

A lot of random thoughts and feelings flooded through me during that long period of time where, if I wasn’t holding the his hand, I was also trying to make the moment feel light by talking to a man on a life-support system about my intentions to work on the railroad, or about how I’m learning Piano, or about how much I disliked my Co-workers. REALLY leaned in on that one. I wanted to get away from Tosca, I said. And not have to deal with the pair of idiots who can’t get anything in their lives working right. Either because they are incredibly stupid and careless, or because their negligence in handling their business robs any justification over their grief about the system screwing them over.

Or how I’m watching a talking head on youtube vivisecting the Bible, you know, things like that. That doesn’t make me Atheist. I’m not really sure where I am spiritually. His Youtube handle is Mindshift. He’s very casually and graphically pummeling that book, every contradiction, every inconsistency, every falsity, rendering the entire point this belief system was built on to be garbage. Reality is here, Ron is gone, and we just deal with it. People die all the time.

I’m sad.

But, hey, if no afterlife then that just means’ good ol’ Ron is just wormfood now; he’s not alive, and he isn’t suffering anymore, he’s gone, after a decent grieving period, we just have to move on. But I’m delusional and would like to think there was somewhere after this life to go, so I could meet him again and say, “Hey! I learned piano! Wanna dance as I play? We could have fun.” All casual, as if he never really went away.

70-year-old Ron is as much a mystery to me as were many geriatrics at my church who’ve been around since I was just a toddler. I have been through this entire event 3 times in my life. I still can’t properly process the idea of death. I don’t know how to react to it properly.

After he died, I went back home with my mother, said “see you later” to my pastor and some of the other geriatrics from my church, and pondered dinner plans. Shrimp, Fish, and Tater Tots. Game plans: Apollo Justice Trilogy, I’m on the 2nd case. I sat on my parents bed, and after a few minutes, I started to cry a little, because I thought back to what it felt like holding Ron’s hand in his dying hour, as it rapidly lost much of its warmth. As he lay there, dying in front of me.

The fuck am I doing with my empty existence.

Christmas Food Spread was mom making green beans with brussel sprouts. There was also Macaroni and Cheese, Turkey Dressing, Cranberry Sauce, Rolls, Potato Salad (I personally assembled that one), and I even provided the drinks.

Conversation was light. We talked about the pets, then the Barbie Movie and its highly controversial nature, which inevitably evolved to talks about A.I., which then transitioned to talks about Elon Musk, Hamas, and everything else. So, standard talk fare. Whatever the case, Christmas turned out okay. Back to work, then.

Is anyone out there experiencing lousy Internet despite HAVING Internet connection? Like having access to certain sites, but other sites have "DNS Connection" problems?

I'm seriously trying to get into Bluesky now, mainly because I recognize that Elon Musk is quite... determined to be seen as a god. Or just someone who wants to be seen as he seems to see himself, which is a "Necessary Good".

I haven't gotten a code to get in yet.

Thing is though, I'm still going to be on "X". The reason being is that I've seen the Titanic go down. This entire mess is eerily similar. Many of the people I came to admire on Twitter have flown the coop, so to speak. I can hardly blame them.

I don't really get why he's like this. This is how you make friends with others? Are you trying to prove a point? Are you trying to showcase how rich you are and flaunt that power over those who don't have what you do? Are trying to make enemies? "Frenemies"? I'm just joking, no need for any of that. I'm already good on the idea that you have plenty of friends and enemies already. You certainly made enemies of the original staff and admins of Twitter you casually fired, all so you could run the ship yourself.

It's a SINKING SHIP, but thanks to the hosts of commercial adverts making home like Centipedes in a wall, you're making an active effort in providing patch overs on the haul. They won't last long. A ship that's going down will go down because it was damn well meant to.

Like I said, I'm trying for Blue Sky now. At least somewhere I know my friends are going to be. I mean, if not there, then I will still be here on FA and Discord, and yeah, Deviantart, which is where I originally started.

Let me add Mastadon to that lineup as well.

Stat Raise:

Strength: 20
Magic: 40
Defense: 70
Magic Defense: 74


Quick edit: About all I did for this day was get a PS4 copy of Dark Souls, also purchased Shadow of the Colossus, and got a T-Shirt. So that was fun.

Another year gone by, I should be happy.

Mom is very much alive and having successfully not died from surgery. :)

So, thanks for all the prayers and kindness of my friends here on FA. You guys are the best.

It's for Breast Cancer, stage 1, but to be perfectly honest, them jumping on this doesn't make much of a difference when she's already fairly aged.

Yeah, I'm scared. No jokes, no randomness, I'm fairly uneven.

Most that's happened in my corner of the woods is New glasses, but other than that, still largely indifferent to the larger stuff at large

This is kind of like how a couple of years back, somebody in congress was vying for a ban on all pornography. This also included internet sites that catered to that kind of content, such as Furaffinity, Inkbunny, you get the thing.

Problem is, there are people who make a living in that market. That bill was never going to get passed.

If it did, then the battle would've just gone underground. Like, underground thing things. The whole scene would not have found resolution, only an alteration.

The Roe vs Wade thing was now overturned, so now you'd think "Men and women will learn to reign in their concupiscence more", right? Not really.

Why'd I bring that up?

Sex makes babies.

Listen.

.....

Abortion wouldn't even be an issue worth bringing up, because when a guy and gal have sex, and the girl is suddenly getting more bloated cause her body is readying itself for the Life-to-be, and everyone's acting all confused like they didn't see this coming, YOU'D THINK THE ONE OR TWO BRAIN CELLS IN THEIR SKULLS WOULD KNOCK AGAINST EACH OTHER- MAKE A SPARK, LIKE, uh.... uh.... poairjg09i90i4194i20 NNNNnnaargh, THEY WOULD HAVE THE COMMON SENSE TO REALIZE THEY'RE ONLY IN THIS SITUATION CAUSE THEY WERE HORNY ON MAIN.

Why d'you idiots make a racket about not letting another life happen when sex creates that situation to begin with?

The women say, "My sex life is NONE OF YOUR PERSONAL BUSINESS AND I CAN DO WHATEVER I WANT WITH MY BODY, EVEN IF IT HARMS ME! AND I WON'T LET ANYONE STOP ME FROM BEING FREEEEEEEEE!!!!!"

Uh, fair enough. Then the Brian from Family Guy quote where you become a "burlap sack that even your stepdad won't want".

The men say, "Fuck off freak, you can't put a cuff on mah adolescence, I gotta let da juice flow, ya feel what I'm sayin'? I need to vent! I need ta feel aliiiiiive-vah! Whether it's dudes or gals, I won't let anyone STOP ME FROM BEING FREEEEEEE....!!!"

So, it all happens on the spur of the moment. Your body wants the sex, so you turn off the part of the brain that knows it's gonna result in babies. Or Sexually transmitted diseases. (Cue hundreds of people yelling in my face, 'WE DON'T CARE' or 'YOU CAN'T PROVE THAT'!)

Well, you should care, and I'm fully aware, being a person who has never had sex, that I could never "prove that" any more than I could prove "Smoking is bad and kills people". Whatever, in 10 days, lots of places that offer the chance to kill a life before it has begun will likely get forcibly shut down, prompting horny women to seek asylum and abortion specialists in either other states that this bullshit legal edict hasn't reached, or in overseas countries. Provided this shit doesn't get globalized.

Now some idiots want to take that further and ban same-sex marriages or something. Hoo boy. Really pushing your luck there. Same shit, different gripe. You try to put a cuff on the Love they practice, they'll just find a convenient workaround to that.

I was raised Christian, and still am a Christian. (As of 10/5/2023, I've finally converted to Agnosticism.) I am unambiguously against abortion, against the whole practice of dehumanizing a pre-birth fetus, despite the fact that the bible very so blatantly runs in the complete opposite direction of this. (In the OT, as a blue birb on twitter pointed out to me, personhood was not applied to the unborn, abortion wasn't illegal. And before the mid 70's, evangelicals supported the practice itself, rendering the entire moral basis against it non-existent.)

But I'm not happy about how Congress is going about this, because their entire reason for the ban isn't anything Biblical in scope whatsoever. Adding a law that curtails a person's rights as a human being, not simply an advocate of abortion or LGBT+, as a human being, will only fuel the desire for those things all the more. (Romans 7:7-12)

So where does this leave me? Well, far be it from me to leave a reader hanging, I'm not going to support the ban on Abortion. More accurately, I feel like I couldn't care much about it, as it was the right thing done for the wrong reasons. Congress, you're not solving anything, all you do is make yourself look like absolute fools.

And that's my opinion. High in the middle and round on both ends.

*throws hands up*

Last note, I don't know if what I just wrote will "Help someone smile today", but it helped me gather some of my personal thoughts.

I'm taking a vacation as we type this.
All day I got a chance to play Elden Ring, and successfully complete the Ranni/Blaidd questline. :)

I may have the set now, but alas, I need more stamina to effectively wield the set with my favorite shield.

Anyway, another Birthday, another level up~

New journal! Been a while!

Well time to get to to work:

GAMES:

NEO: The World Ends With You
- Easily the best JRPG I've played to date, and it was a superlative successor to the first TWEWY game.
Dai Gyakuten Saiban / The Great Ace Attorney Chronicles
- Still playing this one. In terms of graphics, characters, and story, strongly outpaces anything of the original Ace Attorney games, though those games will always be classic.
Replaying Breath of the Wild Master Mode
- I bought another amiibo.

REALLIFE:

Still happily employed at my company, except now that nearly everyone there knows about my temperamental problems, waste no time in asking me very often, "Are you okay? How are you feeling?"

I blame my last outburst and almost getting fired. :(

Two pay raises have made it impossible for me to leave, so I can't very well think about another job.

> Sub-indent: Emotionally >

I'm happy to be employed since that's better than being unemployed.
I'm constantly sad and tired at times because I get so very little sleep.
I have problems being irritable with people who tend to slow me up a great deal.

FUTUREPLANS:

I have none. But you know.... I trust God.
The Baby murdering one, the one who refuses to let love be love, the one people get easily confused about, the one people actively reject, the one who bladda blah blah blah. You know, the Abrahamic Bible one.

(You're going to tell that there is no evidence and absolutely nothing points to God in existence, and nothing from a book of fairytales, the Bible, can say otherwise. Yeah, you got me. I'm just grasping at straws. Seeking to find evidence that "Validates a Belief that is ultimately insane and unsupportable" is a sucker's game. Well, guess I'll be the sucker forever. ;P )

I screw up constantly (Memoirs of my time on Twitter are unassailable proof of this) but I know that I haven't screwed up to be especially more worse than anyone else. We're all equal in his eyes. We screw up, we fall, get back on our feet, repent, and just try again.

Most of my delusional plans are made on the spur of the moment: The Coldcut Project is still ongoing, one project I HAD planned will be put on indefinite hold, and also there was also plans for more fanart involving other user's fursonas with mine.

I did think about wanting to learn music, and to that end, learning me some Piano. I thought that might be interesting!

Still trying to learn some Japanese. Surprisingly that has been an easy process.

.....

Yeah that's it. I can't let past failures and screw ups slow me down. There were people I wanted to connect with, but I should've realized a long time ago that I was pursuing some very poisonous fancies. I had to learn to get over them while not quite forgetting about them. I'm gonna keep on praying for them. I don't know the immediate future, who knows? Maybe something will change, something for the better! It's better to take my hard lessons in tandem and be upbeat, than to wallow in grief. That's how you move forward.

Being invasive and making another person feel uncomfortable, or making them feel like they're being stalked was not where I wanted this to go. That's what I did. No excuses, no crap. That happened. I must have come across as creepy and unwelcome, and above all, a total stranger who was in over his head. ..... I mean, being blocked, I felt bad. I knew I did something bad, and I was in the wrong here.

First lesson learned this year! So that means I should show some discretion from here on out.

I still stand by my statement that I do look up to you as someone who lit something inside me that's eager to improve and push myself. So, that determination remains undaunted in the face of everything else.

Whatever the case, I should focus more on being a little better than this. But I guess that's what the rest of this year should be for.

So, I've made my sorries and all that.
Now to work on my actions matching my words.
I have moved on.

Later days,

Level up!

Stats:

Strength: Average
Dexterity: Still Average
Intelligence: Low
Faith: High
Vitality: High
Endurance: Max

We have had more windy and cooler days and lots of rain. Tis the season to be planting.

Although, in my house's yard, growing anything is next to impossible. Nothing grows and lasts long enough to matter in the fall. I have tried, repeatedly, but it never quite sticks. lol

It's good friday, and I adhere to hope of the Lord.

I feel like I should make some kind of celebratory sketch for practice. Actually, we'll see!

In any case, happy Good Friday and all that to whoever. :)

We can't enjoy a relatively harmless character anymore. Now he is just Cancel Cultured or something.

Winter has been thoroughly unpleasant.
No insulation in the house means the cold penetrates with deft ease.
For me now, the only place with real warmth is ironically my workplace.

But for a reasonable visual about how devastating it can be, I've crossed slick icy roads to get co-workers to and from work, repeatedly fought a cold and a headache, recently had my car get stuck in a ditch and had to cancel on work just to dig it out, and obviously, 5 to 6 inches of Snow come and go, piling on top of each other.

But as bad I am suffering with this, I recognize it could be worse for others elsewhere.

Cold Cold Cold
No Insulation
Fingers stunlocked cannot draw
Cold Cold Cold